Tag: Secrets

Lesson 334 ~Just A Love Machine~

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Brothels are targets and others who work in the legal sex industry by the government, but boys must have their toys, and for once I don’t mean guns. Personally, I would settle for a PS4 and a copy of Detroit: Become Human. “Just A Love Machine?”

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Lesson 334 ~Just A Love Machine~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, wait why am I asking, because that’s what you do right, then again you don’t ask to kiss the girl, to make love, or hell to fall in love, no wonder men and women are in serious trouble. We’ve forgotten what it means to have simple relationships, where every word can get you into trouble, the idea that we analyze and scrutinize everything, that some resort to crime because what is love and sex is mechanics.

If you’ve been listening to me these last few days, you know I have become “obsessed” yes, that’s the word some use with me but what about the new game “Detroit: Become Human” or more to the point the characters Kara, North, and Chloe. Stupid I suppose how often I fall for characters but what about real women, I wouldn’t call myself a love machine but more a laugh factory and don’t we laugh at those guys who buy “Real Dolls” yeah and I spent a year writing to Abyss Creations. You see the internet is full of companies advertising fake girlfriends, bots all over the place, and what is a dominant but someone who falls but for a submissive and uses those traits to serve themselves and the relationship?

Where would I even begin designing the perfect lover though I’m sure a few girls know my tastes and give it another year or so and there will be robotic lovers, and this is the way the world ends. Now I could tell you all about the sex, check the warning but it happens you know, a guy not being in the mood, I suppose we are the sum of our parts, the penis one way, my heart breaking, my mind angry, and most of it over a video game. I’d say I wish I was a machine and with my whole “No Fap” policy I feel like I want to explode but if I leak anything, it will be tears, sweat, or blood, not that I’m into that type of play to be sure.

Machines have been letting me down lately or more like the people who write shows since I’m only talking about TV and I didn’t have to watch that walkthrough, but I was hooked you know. I know what humans are capable of and here we are, as we created God in our image so too we develop machines, to do things that humans are having a hard time with; yes sex is one thing but *sigh* Just A Love Machine?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

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No means no without question, but in this day and age, people are neglecting the issue, some are truly bad, some are cowards, and as for myself well chains and whips excite me as the song goes. “No,” Your Safeword Please for all our sakes maybe.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, that would be a no right, no means no, just many of the ways I respect women, though the last time a woman stopped me… yeah, I was trying to get her bra off, a scary prospect even for an experienced dominant. Horror, fear, terror, I’ve told you before we’ll have the “Ravishment” conversation, hopefully, before Lesson 365, we’re getting closer and speaking of getting close, why should I be afraid?

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!”

“When women start to scream,
it could be misconstrued.”

“Just keep going!” ― Friends With Benefits (2011)

Social Anxiety is one thing but once I have a girl on my couch or in bed that brings about several new types of fear and unlike social anxiety I happen to like this fear, this adrenaline rush. Scared of talking to a girl I maybe but I’ve never been scared of a girl physically, and I have one that would rip my clothes off if she had a chance and another would slap me if I kissed her. Power means responsibility, desire, fear, I’m sure there is a rule in there maybe, but I would never say no to such things Dirty Diana and who does anyway when it comes to those things maybe.

“Them girls only know three words:
stop, no and don’t.” Silas

“Uh-oh, my brother.
You got those words backward.
They always tell me,
No, don’t stop!” Jamal, How High (2001)

Sometimes I’m afraid of the beast that I will unleash like something out of The Purge “Release The Beast” I’m not crazy or anything… says the man with a bunch of outfits in the closet but sometimes I want to fuck a princess, others a schoolgirl, and then again Alice In Wonderland. How it terrifies me that I might not have everything I want but when have I ever been left unsatisfied, I’m not that complicated, controlling maybe, emotional, passionate but I would never allow a girl to go wanting, and I don’t want to find myself as such. Most men would never admit to being bad lovers, as for myself; I guess you would have to ask a girl, but if I had the courage I have in the bedroom in my everyday life, I might never know fear.

I know “No” though, and I told you about wrestling with a girl once, and she stopped me, and other things but I’ve never forced myself on anyone and I never would. Only I see these men do horrific things and I get labeled as such for what, a brand of love. Green, Yellow, Red, are a bit too normal, I guess I like creative women, but anything surely beats *sigh* “No,” Your Safeword Please.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 320 ~Give Me A Hand~

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Is it supervising that I know the feeling of handcuffs or than chains and whips excite me, or how about the idea of knowing how to serve, I can be a gentleman but a man and his two hands can be or do anything? Give Me A Hand

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Lesson 320 ~Give Me A Hand~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, after I untie you; when you’re looking for new bras and panties. When I make my best impression of Christian Grey covering up all the things I do to you? For someone who likes holding hands, who enjoys a touch, who thinks one of the best things in the world is waking up Saturday morning and listening to 40’s and 50’s apocalyptic pop while a pretty girl touches me, I do like bondage, yeah sue me.

Wrong words in this day and age right but it’s like I tell people “if you’re not my dog, my girl, or applying for the job, don’t touch me” and when’s the last time a girl touched me? I’ve said it before, but I don’t have body issues, but I like control though I can go deeper, trust, loyalty, submission, a few of my favorite things or do I think women are honestly that dangerous? It’s not that you put a woman in chains, it’s that she doesn’t want the key, maybe it’s not that I’m afraid that she’ll hurt me. No, more to the point that she will run away so why even bother?

I’m a traditionalist as you know and I don’t oppose a one-night stand and making love well… there are a few ways to go about that, and still, I refer to Christian Grey not that I agree with Fifty Shades of Grey. I make love, but I fuck too, love is a complicated thing as well as a many-splendored thing, along with sex and we’re back to my need for control, for dominance; I guess when you spend your life as the slave you need to be the Master somewhat. Release The Beast like something out of The Purge, but it’s not for the money, it’s the thrill, the knowing, the fight; today is still not the day for the “Ravishment” conversation but yeah power.

Sex is about power but to have someone give you that power, to trust so much and not only with the act but with the aftercare, a type of control but running a bath, cleaning, sustenance, to serve after such a gift was received. You ask for a girl’s hand for a lifetime but what will I do with those hands, and with my two, that’s the question, pleasure and pain, search and discover, break and rebuild if you were to Give Me A Hand.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 313 ~Pockets Full Of Miracles~

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Last week I said life should come with a soundtrack, but it didn’t work as well as I hope… what love songs and adult entertainment are pretty melodies, but my phone stayed in my pocket along with other things. Pockets Full Of Miracles.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Lesson 313 ~Pockets Full Of Miracles~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again and again and right after lunch, honestly an orgasm is one of life’s greatest miracles and should be celebrated as such but then again how would anything ever get done? Truthfully the things men find themselves capable of to have this and in so doing one can create life; no, I’m not trying to make any babies now but when we do celebrate an act of love I suppose works fine.

Valentine’s Day everybody knows what the whole idea of that is but nobody seems to have a problem as long as you dress it in pretty flowers and sweet candy but what about panties, condoms, and toys. Birthdays I guess you have to look at from both the male and female perspective, for a guy that has a girl he only truly wants one thing and maybe something extra, getting in her backdoor, and women… my battle cry at the moment is women are complicated. I have one girl that can’t wait to get married, another who couldn’t care less, and a third that only wants to be desired, as for myself. I do picture getting married one day hopefully, and everybody wondering “Is She Really Going Out With Him? Is she really gonna take him home tonight?” did I mention this would be my wedding day, a miracle perhaps?

“Nobody is wasting nobody. That… is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.” The Warriors (1979)

That’s the thing though, shouldn’t every day be a miracle, one of the reasons I like porn, miracles are a daily occurrence, the girl-next-door, the maid, the flight attendant, milfs are all available and why stop there, pop idols, movie starlets, cosplay girls *sigh*. A woman can wear a bridal gown but you can fuck her as a wife, a submissive, some drunk slut, some Ravishment and it’s okay. What about the guys, pizza men, strippers, tow truck drivers, the average man, hell I would choose to be any of these guys before I would be the “President” and hell Trump fucks pornstars too right?

“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” Tyler Durden, Fight Club

In the caveman days sex wasn’t anything, but now we have built it up to a version of Heaven and haven’t I said I’m not the caveman but I wouldn’t mind being the sinner, and today I was merely a man wanting a woman but no miracles for me. How did I honestly look at today, as porn, as the last chance to do something great, someone great, it gives credence to the “divine intervention,” but I always heard sex itself is sinful no doubt.

Far from it Dirty Diana, with just the things we keep down below, we have reshaped this world it only took Pockets Full Of Miracles.

“Do you believe in miracles” Al Michaels, Miracle On Ice

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 306 ~So The Bedsprings Sing~

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Personally, I believe life should come with a soundtrack, but sometimes I want a minute to think even if I’m choosing one head over the other but music does have a way of getting into people right? So The Bedsprings Sing

Thursday, May 03, 2018

Lesson 306 ~So The Bedsprings Sing~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Fine Today, and I could tell you a lack of sex is part of the reason why but then you would ask, how long this depression has been. Maybe I haven’t wanted to think about it, and while I could probably provide some songs I want to get married to *shudders* yes I want to deflower a bride but not how you might think my dear Dirty Diana.

That will be a whole different conversation, and I can also give you a list of songs I want a girl to strip with, but as for songs to the actual fucking part, perhaps I should have more hope right? I know sex is a lot more active and as much as I enjoy quoting a song, singing, hell I’ll even dance, when it comes to making love, fucking, knocking boots whatever and however, you wish to describe it, I’m in my head too much. Don’t get me wrong though, I like something soft in the background, something pretty hardcore if I want to play rough but hearing my submissive is what gets me going.

More like a way to drown out my dog’s barking because he will unless he likes the girl as much as I do and when’s the last time he didn’t get pissed at the girl in my bedroom, a long time. As for the music I like, I continue to be a traditionalist for the most part with classic R&B, but I also enjoy “Wicked Game,” “Closer,” and of course your namesake D.D. Of course, I also have a bit of an instrumental soundtrack including the song “Always With Me Always With You” some Samurai Champloo songs, Westworld, and a few video games as well.

Maybe it’s the idea that I have always wanted to make a sex tape so I would rather hear whoever I’m with not that I kiss and tell of course and what porn plays music all the way through, just saying. Comparing sex and porn though; sex and comedy, don’t mind me if I play “I Just Had Sex” or maybe I should come up with a list of songs for after. Didn’t I tell you that sex makes me think and I could come up with a bit of romance
“You/Himawari,” “Wonderwall,” “Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby,” “Escape,” a host of other things and especially the fantastic Ellie Goulding.

“I’ll be in my bunk” ― Jayne Cobb, Firefly (2002)

For right now, all is quiet, I don’t snore (I don’t think), but the dog sometimes does, and I’m not looking for new furniture, but one day I want to admit So The Bedsprings Sing.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 300 ~I Hope They Remember~

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What’s the last story I consider timeless, the story I can reread, and it doesn’t break my heart, or I make me all sorts of anxious before it gets to the good stuff, which one can I quote all day? “I Hope They Remember.”

Friday, April 27, 2018

Lesson 300 ~I Hope They Remember~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today because I remember… I was thinking of a new rule “Good Stories Are Worth Retelling,” but that’s not true at all or at least it’s less true than “History Is Written By The Victors” I still hate that saying. So the lesson today is what stories would you like retold, remembered, reimagined, and please excuse my alliteration but that’s just another thing I wish I could forget but that seems impossible honestly.

Much like forgetting what I watched last night… I won’t say what because I don’t want to spoil it but even when you don’t care it’s just, I know something you don’t know and you know I am no one for secrets. Part of the reason I am a writer is that I want people to know and in the end, remember me, but there are so many stories of who I am I don’t know which one is true anymore. Did I tell you I finished my book and I’m nowhere near done even editing the first chapter and the ending, don’t get me started on endings today shouldn’t I be focused on beginnings?

Anyway as far as stories retold, hell Lady Sophia do you want a list, it would be pretty short, and the Bible didn’t make it, hell I’ve never gotten through the whole thing, every single book. Now there are plenty of books worth remembering but again if anything I want to remember me, remember the man that isn’t me in my words, or give them something to remember because the man I am was never wanted. As far as reimagined, that takes me to last night, can’t say what I was expecting, but I wanted to know it for myself.

I don’t think any story is the same for any person, so that means there has to be someone out there, out of seven billion people or so that will do what… like my story, remember that I’m only human. As I was telling “Indiana Gone” this morning, I might stand a chance as a teacher, on how not to do something but don’t look to me for any guidance.

Then again tell me to stop highlighting every single thing in a book, trying to find some real reason, like the review that I might write today, but of course, I won’t post it quite yet because for right now Sophia I Hope They Remember.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 299 ~Deaf Of King Midas~

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When it comes to the perfect woman how long until you get to the lips, something I might have to ask Real Doll right but then again, I’m into scream queens if you know what I mean between kisses. “Deaf of King Midas,” while I hear a bit too much

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Lesson 299 ~Deaf Of King Midas~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Fine Today because all that glitters is not gold and if I had enough of that I’m sure I would have quite the scream queen, oh yes Dirty Diana I do like a screamer, a moaner, and a crier. At the same time though any girl; any submissive that I was with would also need to understand the value of silence and the power that silence holds.

I’m not just talking about non-disclosure agreement (NDA) or fucking in public; speaking of which, they shut Backpage down… don’t ask me how I know or why I care, haven’t I said I’m a traditionalist, I wouldn’t pay for sex, okay maybe in Nevada for “the day.” You should also know I’m not one to kiss and tell, hell first I would need a “Wishing Well” because when’s the last time I asked some girl “Can We Talk” and yet I’m so bold sexually right? Cherry and I were talking the other day about what people did before there was language, *sigh* to return to nothing more than a man’s primal nature but in all facets of my life nowadays, it’s a crime to be silent.

Is that why my fantasies these days have been about how to make people shut up; like one is about a girl who is always talking badly about herself, she even brought up grey hairs which wouldn’t matter much if I was pulling them off while she blew me. Yesterday another girl was upset I wasn’t paying her attention and since we have talked about her having blowjob lips, well here come the pictures. I even told another girl that’s busy texting or otherwise on the phone in her car, she’s lucky she isn’t mine because I would find a way to shut her up.

Isn’t it strange that I don’t have a ball gag for those times might dick might be engaged elsewhere; something else I may need if I ever start building the “Black Room” that I desire. No secrets between us right and today is full of secrets with “Avengers: Infinity War” coming out, for all the respect I have for intelligent and smart mouth chicks here or there, what I wouldn’t give to have Black Widow’s or Shuri’s lips occupied.

Even with that image, silence is golden, I’ve kept it in my pants, and you know me and my dirty talk, but for now, Dirty Diana things are quiet for the Deaf Of King Midas.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 244 ~How “Write” You Are~

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A man of my word, a man of few words, but if I had to choose one word, it would be hope, but that’s not going to be enough as Carl Grimes once said, I’m going to need words galore, promises, punishments, posts. How “Write” You Are

Friday, March 2, 2018

Lesson 244 ~How “Write” You Are~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, and I would like to think I’m a man of my word, indeed a man of words, only how often must I admit that words fail me? Then again I talked about having an epiphany the other day, living my life as though my submissive, my wife, the future mother of my children is watching me and for some reason, those words mean a bit more honestly.

Love is exhausting, to say the least, and I can only imagine it will get worse when I have someone; it’s weird how words on paper provoke a different reaction than words that we write on our hearts. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t “love” my job, and as that bastard general manager made clear, there is no contract saying I have to stay with the company, fair enough. Only I gave my word to; I guess myself, to go in when I’m supposed to, I do my best… most of the time, and while my father never taught me the value of a man’s word now, the concept carried weight and didn’t I say I hate lies, without purpose?

“I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that do you sport?” Sean/Robin Williams ― Good Will Hunting (1997)

I tell you and the others, Lady Sophia, that I’m going to write every day and here we are two hundred and forty-four lessons in, sometimes two a day just because I’m busy on a particular day. How about my novel though, I think I signed a contract for NaNoWriMo, and I did it in November, but then again I signed an agreement to start editing and January, February just flew by didn’t they? What about love though, what about dignity, do you know how hard it is; better a conversation with Dirty Diana but I lift my feet up when I walk, I talked more at my day job, and when the porn mood strikes… I looked up the girl, downloaded the video of the picture (thank you Pinterest) and haven’t watched it since.

Hell, that must mean I’m already expecting to chalk up another failure but not today; I think I’m starting to see why some sign contracts in blood. Could it be that I have just been using the wrong medium all this time or I need someone to keep tabs on me; back to my hypocrisy, I have my word, but I don’t trust myself sadly.

Why do you think I write out all my secrets here, including my humiliations, my sadism, right down to the days I just FAP… maybe because seeing it, speaking, remembering will one day help me to keep my word I hope, How “Write” You Are.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 089 ~An Ancient Willie Secret~

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I go back and forth between remembering everything and trying to forget, it’s a thin line between love and hate as the song goes but for now, I just want to forget last night but when and how? “An Ancient Willie Secret”, and I forgot him too

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Lesson 089 ~An Ancient Willie Secret~

Hey Lady Lu
No fear, at least there wasn’t when I sat in “alternative” school until the police came, or the time I hadn’t eaten for three days, slowly starving myself, or even the time things were said and I discovered what she really thought of me. The art of forgetting is an ancient secret, I forget it as soon as the deed as done but after last night I could surely use it now and remind me to write it down… if I’m here.

“Sharing is caring. Privacy is theft. Secrets are lies.” ― Dave Eggers, The Circle (2013)

This is one of those times, I really have to debate what to tell you Lady Lu, we should be safe here, trust me I’m trying to rally the funds but of course, that’s not what this is about. I did something last night and I could tell you but honestly, I’m not even sure I’ll be here should I ever gather the courage… no, I’m not thinking suicide again but I could be in trouble which gets me back on topic. We talked yesterday about turning your back on the problem or whining about something while people are so much worse off than me.

So you want to know how I forget, I read until early in the morning and when I can’t keep my eyes open anymore I disappear into the sheets. I demand everything to be clean “cleanliness is next to Godliness” or so they say, it’s as if to say if my environment is clean my body, my books balanced, everything in its proper place, then perhaps my mind won’t be nearly as filthy. What about going back to Co-Ed Confidential ‘vote with your crotch’ how often have I told you I’m lost, your mind can trick you, your heart can be broken, and let’s not get started on guts but your naughty bits always know what they want, don’t they.

Remember when Playboy was as secret as it got, R.I.P. Hugh Hefner; Playboy is a way of life but we all still have secrets. Maybe, Luna, that’s how I do it every time, I reinvent myself, I have talked about hitting rock bottom but Heaven has spheres, Hell has circles and I just crash through level upon level, destroying myself so that I can keep these secrets and still stand.

So what have I learned today, it’s been nearly twelve hours since another sin, no police at the door but maybe today or tomorrow, probably might survive these days of sapphire, hell this could all be in my mind. Secrets are heavy Lady Lu and if I forget what has happened by some miracle it will still be there but I keep surviving but how, why An Ancient Willie Secret.

“So you have to care about yourself.

You don’t have to believe your life is precious, but that all life is precious.

You have to redirect those thoughts, the history that tells you otherwise.

What we’ve done, we’ve done.

We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.

To make up for it.

To still accept what we were.

To accept everyone.

To protect everyone.

And in doing that, protect yourself.

To create peace.” Here’s Not Here, The Walking Dead

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

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I really don’t have time to go over my whole playlist again while I was mowing the lawn and being a rapper has never been one of my pursuits and yet this ‘lyric” has been on my mind all day long. Build Stacks Like Empires, stacks of what, words, cash

Friday, September 22, 2017

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but do I have originality, individuality, what is it I’m forgetting because this title has been driving me crazy all day; where have I heard it before? Besides that, I’ve been thinking about what it means to build an empire and the question becomes does it even matter if it is left unseen and unheard of by any man honestly?

Today I have done more to build up my house than to build up my writing unfortunately because I’m still worried about what people will think of me so I spent all day mowing the lawn and sweeping. Writers are supposed to be messy, probably artists in general because why do we bother with this world other than to be seen, we’re busy building our own universes. We find freedom elsewhere as we can only be slaves here though sometimes I don’t mind; I have Braxton sleeping on my lap so honestly, typing could be somewhat easier in any case.

Knowing me I’m finally going to get that title when I’m in bed and won’t even think about writing it down or maybe it really is my own idea and I just don’t like giving myself any credit. Luna, I have way too many secrets to bother seeking credit for anything but then again what are we doing here if that’s the case, do you know any of my secrets? According to The Hunger Games Series, secrets can be more valuable than anything and can lead to the destruction of an empire just as quickly as just lighting a match.

Is that why we try so hard to look normal, I mean compare what the neighbors think of me, to my coworkers, to my family, and just about anyone else. If secrets are the heart, then money is the armor, a lesson learned, again and again, money can make anyone beautiful but it can offer a protection that can never be dismissed by anyone Luna.

That’s what it always amounts to, making more money, we’re about making more money and in order to do that, I must appear as a pawn. What’s wrong with being a pawn like today’s rule “It’s Worthy of Your Soul” or like the song “seek out a kingdom, worthy of your soul” a new way of looking at “Hide & Seek” or something like that.

So what have we learned today… a wall of normalcy allows you the opportunity to seek, make the money, build the empire, and then you say besides that lyric driving me crazy today the truth is Build Stacks Like Empires.

I Will Have No Fear