Tag: Fear

Gospel 153 ~Will Love Every Day~

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Smile every day, laugh every day, and if you ever hear me say eat, pray, love or talk about reading that book, punch me in the face. The only thing I wanted to love today was my bed, but I have my Dæmon, and I have to keep living. Will Love Every Day

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Gospel 153 ~Will Love Every Day~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and even if I wasn’t AHEM, “I will still love you.” That’s the only thing that will never change. To be honest, I spent most of today thinking it was Monday. It’s the first day since the end of NaNoWriMo, and I figured we should do something special. Instead, I’ve been adulting and “celebrating…” Uh yeah.

Yeah, is that what I call it buying another NaNoWriMo T-Shirt? So it turns out they were right. I have shirts from 2019, 2018, 2017. 2020 means four victories. How long have we’ve been married, My Love? A loaded question.

As I said, I’ve been handling business. I set up an appointment for my Dæmon at the groomers. Talk about my priorities as a father and a husband, hell as a creator. I owe him an apology as I look at his nails and his mouth. Did I ever tell you I love wearing masks? I remember saying that I love my work creating, and I don’t mean the old Day Job. God knows I’m glad that NaNoWriMo is over, meaning I might get a decent night’s sleep. It’s still early evening. Last month I gave everything I am to my novel and barely made it through. But like that song Muzik by Knoc-Turn’al, my work, my world, my wifey. Some men so much better than I talk about what a man needs, food, sex, and silence. How about sports, music, food, and ladies. If you can name the two black men who said it…

I’m still listening to a few old white men SIGH R.I.P. Sean Connery. Anyway, he said, as King Arthur that “I can’t love people in slices.” So what is it? Am I trying to say? That I love you, I love us, I love every day, here and now, always and forever, yes my phone again. It’s only that some days are better to love than others. Some people need more of me than others sometimes. Inky Johnson said something like he deserves to give people the best version of him. It’s like John Legend’s All of Me. Anita’s, Giving You The Best That I Got. Am I saying my love is like some movie or music? Shall I start to be your Romeo and swear on the moon or compare thee to summer’s day?

The point is I’m here and Will Love Every Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 152 ~Listen And Silent, Same Letters~

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I want to listen to all those who won NaNoWriMo 2020. I need to silence the voices going off in my head that it was a complete waste of time. What about my second BFF that asks have I published a book yet. “Listen And Silent, Same Letters.”

Monday, November 30, 2020

Gospel 152 ~Listen And Silent, Same Letters~

Hundred And Sixty-Four Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I believe it’s because I listen and learn. Of course, that’s when I’m not being lazy. Now before I go off flying headfirst into my depression, let’s start with good news. I finished NaNoWriMo today with Sinning The Cherry On Top. According to NaNoWriMo, this is my fourth victory in the annual event, so how do I feel? Okay, bring on the depression. My hands smell like hotdogs. Of course, I have my Dæmon and my laziness to thank for that. Oh, my ending goes nowhere.

Now, this is the time I should practice with SILENCE. Madam Justice, I was about to ask this question. What does it take to shut-up the voices in my head? I’m not a big drinker, and another addiction had me ruin my Six Impossible Things. My characters are done now. I would say that a goodnight’s sleep would help. Even tonight, however, I’m going to be in bed late. What are the odds I can get to bed before midnight? Not that I haven’t spent most of the day in bed already. Hell, that’s where I finished NaNoWriMo, around six. Well, I have time for a new addiction, and you know I’ve been jonesing to get back into an old one. Every night I usually go to bed telling myself stories from Far Cry 5. When I play games. I could have the meanest gun in all of creation, I’m still quiet. Um, M60 much?

I bring to your attention two phrases… “Knowledge Is Power” and “Silence Is Golden.” Now, don’t I sound educated? I dropped out of college COUGH junior college. Don’t get me wrong, I respect education. The thing is, um, I’m always listening for things I want. Yeah, one more of those reasons that make me sound like a Trump supporter. I liked hearing Indiana Gone’s voice. I’m reading Eric Vall. Well, NaNoWriMo said congratulations on the victory. However, they extend that to everyone. I’m not special. Remind me to go ahead and shop for one of their shirts before the end of the night since I will be up. It wasn’t like I was listening to any of my motivations for this NaNoWriMo event either. Yeah, I finished here on the last day. What’s the point?

Am I the strong silent type? Don’t I wish, ha? Listen And Silent, Same Letters

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 151 ~To Will’s Last Day~

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Relax, I’m not dying today, and neither is Win William Bridgman, but as for tomorrow, who knows. Um, if I’m going to win NaNoWriMo tomorrow, I suppose I should, to be honest. “To Will’s Last Day”

Sunday, November 29, 2020

Gospel 151 ~To Will’s Last Day~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but are you a published author yet? It’s what Indiana Gone asked at lunch today. Here’s another good question, AHEM, why were you so terrified of your second BFF. Um, not her exactly, but the moment in time. An hour maybe. Speaking of time leads me back to your writing. The good news is; you have another 2200 words in the bag. The bad news is you should be at 48,333, and now as it stands, you’re at 47,800. Tomorrow is the last day, so what are you gonna do with that?

One of your motivations goes, sacrifice today for tomorrow’s betterment. You should work through the night and get this done, but you won’t, will you? A bit of free time, you know, but again, sigh, NaNoWriMo ends tomorrow, and you can make it right now. Somehow or another, I think you’ll end up once again going to bed at 2:00 am and sleeping the day away once more. Why is it that you can get up for everything but you? What do you owe the Day Job? Your friend is awesome. The Dæmon’s eating hotdog bits. However, here’s an idea as the song goes. If today was your last day… Are you proud of what you’ve done? Hell, you’re feeling guilty you aren’t at the top of the heap when it comes to The Walking Dead game. As for being on top, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 5
    Completed

You’re really starting to think that #6, if anything is procrastination. Eric Vall is a good writer. I said yesterday it was a struggle to stay awake reading, but today, you plowed through it. One day it’s going to be you on the shelf or digital. Not too picky there. Only when it comes to one of the main characters in “Sinning The Cherry On Top.” You can’t decide where he’s going to end up. At least this will be put to bed as a trilogy and no more. Again there will be a bit of free time between The End and Day Job exhaustion. Will anything change for you this week? Oh, did I mention that The Walking Dead: World Beyond had its series finale. One more reason to hurry this along for reactions. But yeah, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Winning NaNoWriMo With My Trilogy Finale “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 6

All I ask of you in this coming week… Win NaNoWriMo. To Will’s Last Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 150 ~Will Makes It Possible~

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I should just work through the night. Hell, I could get back to using energy drinks and be sick for a week, but at least I’ll be done. You know that saying, “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” “Will Makes It Possible,”

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Gospel 150 ~Will Makes It Possible~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but right now, I feel anything but. Here and Now… no, I don’t promise to love faithfully as the song goes. Hell, I abandoned you for years, and I’m still sorry about that. Anyway, I feel like David from The Fifth Element. I’m looking at the stone, which is my story. Not to mention another rock here or there. Okay, what I’m trying to say is AHEM, we’re not going to make it. I need 2000 plus words to finish on the 30th. Where am I now? I slept today away. I could give up plenty.

No, I don’t want to fail NaNoWriMo. What I mean is reading, an online game. I haven’t even looked at The Walking Dead game forever. You know I like Eric Vall, but it was a fight to stay woke. My other joy, I won’t mention but again, Six Impossible Things. Don’t you dare compare me to Trump; I take responsibility for my actions. Did I mention that my BFF, or should I say my 2nd BFF is in town? Um, my Dæmon has been a trooper today resting with his old man’s lazybones. Now, this week sucked ass, yep. So anyway, Indiana Gone and her hubby want to go to lunch. “Must Ee Nice” to be married a year; another song. Not like I’m getting any closer. I won’t lie; I’m scared to death to even say something to a woman now. Am I shy? I was holding my tongue at the Day Job, thankfully.

I’m forgetting so much, Lady Lu. Do you remember when I told you I’m watching an artist? I have no clue who it was, and I haven’t checked my money situation in ages. Everything has been either about NaNoWriMo or going to bed. Where do you think I’m typing from? Tonight though, I am trying. I’ll talk to you until 9:00 PM, and then come hell or high water, I’ll go have my Thanksgiving leftovers. Once again, Lady Lu, I will not lie to NaNoWriMo again. Either I make it, or I don’t. If I don’t, I won’t be buying another NaNoWriMo T-Shirt. Yes, I said purchase, but it’s like I wouldn’t deserve it if I fail. Tomorrow is lunch and of course TWD spinoffs, which I won’t miss ever.

I need that motivation in writing. Will Makes It Possible

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 148 ~How Long That’s Will~

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How long will I stay up tonight? How long do I have to write tonight? How long will any sex scenes be since I didn’t read any in Succubs Lord 6? Yet I’m only 15%, so yeah, they’re coming, one way or another. “How Long That’s Will”

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Gospel 148 ~How Long That’s Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I wonder how many billionaires were once porn stars or at least invested? I know there are some worth millions, but honest to God, I want to be the first billionaire with that on a resume. Hell, I’m getting my practice in these days. Of course, No Nut November is fucked between NaNoWriMo, Naps, and not wanting to go to the Day Job. Would you like to see me drinking, doing drugs, or dying at some point? Better to pay attention to my dick, so yeah, Six Impossible Things… NOT.

I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in… hell if I know. As I said, I’m working on NaNoWriMo these days. I fudge the numbers. And then, make them back up, and I’m going back and forth tonight whether I’ll write anything at all. This week is almost over SIGH. Of course, I’m staying up half the night checking out porn, which might affect the writing process. Now I get my rocks off, the words come easier, trading one release for another yep. But the time between them, like Dennis Hof, I go looking for the next one. To be honest, it’s the search that takes the hands off the clock because that can go on forever. Hell, much like my list of ladies in “Sinning The Cherry On Top.” Note I’m using the word HELL plenty, but I’m not kidding myself. It’s like I’m there, and I’m not masochistic.

So what would be my Heaven, you ask me? My writing name should be Will Longing, but my porn alias would be Will Longstroke. Yeah, I didn’t spend much time deciding. At least I did get my reading done of Succubus Lord 6 by Eric Vall. 15% still trailing. Strangely enough, if I were going to get into the holiday spirit, it would be with Christmas Erotica. I’ll finish this one last novel and then get into some winter cold warmed by bedroom antics. Oh, another thing, I should eat Thanksgiving dinner sometime tonight. One more excuse not to look in on the “shorties” in my life. I won’t mention one because I ain’t STUPID. I should get back to M Anime, as I’m still trying to work something out with her. In my novel, I added Maisie Williams (drooling).

Lusting after her and Sophie Turner. How Long That’s Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 147 ~Will Vs. St. Patrick~

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Last week didn’t I say something about MAGA Hats? Now I want to punch myself for wearing a green hoody. Money green as the Day Job puts it. More like sickly green I hate getting out of bed. How far is Ireland to start a new life. Will Vs. St. Patrick

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Gospel 147 ~Will Vs. St. Patrick~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be used to green. Do you remember when I said I’m done with McDonald’s after getting food poisoning… how many times? Anyway, I needed a snack after going out today, and no, it was not by any choice, ha-ha. Inspector, I believe it was Kermit who said it ain’t easy being green. Still, I would rather be rich than sick. I want to be wealthy than jealous of every little thing. Killmonger said it must feel good. Tonight as with most nights, I’m exhausted with minimal effort, yeah.

Pondering, what does any of this have to do with St. Patrick? From a quick read, he is the patron saint of Ireland, and he’s known to have banished snakes. Talk about not doing my research right. All I know is, I bought two green hoodies today, both for the Day Job, no fun ever. Of “Two Of The Lucky Ones,” no, I’m not one. Neither am I the Fortunate One. For damn sure, I wish I was dressed like “The One.” Yes, I know Grammarly is going to ding my ask for saying one so many times. If I were a good writer, I wouldn’t be suffering right now. Yes, I’m being a bit dramatic, but “Humiliations Galore” are becoming a way of life. Okay, I should stop talking about them, but I need something to sing about to get to bed sometime soon. Or I could and should stop lying to NaNoWriMo and having to make up counts.

Now I always do Inspector Echo. If you add in what I meant to do last night and tonight, well damn, we are looking at three-thousand, so I should be proud. Nope, because I still have to read; I only hope Goodreads counts the paltry amount I read only tonight. Nothing I have been doing has qualified me for sainthood. Spending everything on Eric Vall because I’m still scared of A.J. Markam and especially K Webster. You don’t know how hard I was fighting such terror at the Day Job. Okay, I failed plenty, Inspector. Nothing of this line of thinking holds any weight on St. Patrick. I only know Saint’s Row and St. Raphael as I put him in my novel. Please don’t ask me why ever Inspector Echo.

I’m just sorry and tired… sick? Will Vs. St. Patrick

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

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Tell me I didn’t say that, write that, or even choose to think. You see why I spend so much time sleeping or living vicariously through others. As the song ask, would you lie with me and just forget the world? “To Be Silently Willing.”

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but must I tell everyone? There was a time I played PCH for hours. Time better spent reading, writing, and “Lovin’ you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful.” Now was that a little too much? Is that somewhat an insult within honesty? Can’t I just say right now, My Love, I’m tired. I didn’t sleep much last night after working on the novel late. So yes, I’ll say STUPID things (cringes) from time to time. I suppose that music won’t be my salvation. Minnie Riperton’s musical stylings?

It’s one of the reasons I love how you’re a reader like me. It’s why I buy books for our kids all the time. I’m sure the Dæmon doesn’t mind, old man these days. I value your mind, and when we say something. Not sounding like the President but zero responsibility. Though, I’m not tossing away the music. Have I told you about the time I regret not dancing with my friend at her wedding? You know I can name hundreds if not thousands of songs, Not one got me to move on the dancefloor because I was afraid SIGH. Indeed, I’ve told you my dirty little secret of actually enjoying the plague era. I’m going to miss wearing masks. Now with all of the stuff that comes out of my mouth, still facing the man in the mirror. That’s the hardest thing to do. Name something that masks prevent?

Kissing You? At this rate, I’m going to have a whole new playlist now, including Des’ree. For the record “I’ll Always Love My Mama,” and I’ve worked for a few black women I can’t stand. Anyway, kissing you is an excellent way to shut me up with everything in life. Also, my Dæmon and I like to eat. I’m not one for the holidays, but on Thanksgiving, my Mom cooks. Hell, I even have memories of E-Day steak and baked potato. Anything that keeps my mouth shut and makes me want to see the world one more day, My Love. Listen, I’m not saying I don’t get loud, but there are days like today that I can’t say anything right. I want to be like Elton John, John Legend, Bruno Mars, the guy from W.I.T.C.H. and write you a song.

Worked out well. But silence is my kindness, or “Les Fleurs.” To Be Silently Willing

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

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It’s written, speak of the Devil, and he’ll appear because God knows I ain’t loving anybody today that doesn’t have four legs and barks. I’d say I want to be a better man, but no, I’m Silas. Thanks, World Beyond. “God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love”

Monday, November 23, 2020

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

Hundred And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but today I’m not in the mood for this rule. If anything, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is for my Dæmon, and he’s right up against my thigh. So I guess I get why he always wants to cuddle because the moment he gives me space… Today though, as the song goes by Get Set Go AHEM “I Hate Everyone.” I swear to Christ all I felt today is Fury, Rage, Wrath… Why didn’t Divergent have a faction for people like me? If it’s any consolation, I’m angry with myself, so yeah, we can burn.

Now I know my week is going to suck, but yesterday, The Walking Dead World Beyond… Jesus. Well, you can see by the title. I must have been in a somewhat religious mood with this rule. Anyway, do you remember I said that everything I enjoy is biting my behind? So last night’s episode hit a little too close to home. Long story short, I am Silas. Quote a song about it, so here it go, “Everybody know I’m a motherfucking monster” pardon my French. Then we have an obsession with Iris from Silas. And finally, all his “Dad Issues.” Dammit, Madam Justice, I’m on the verge of writing a third book about some girl. I don’t want to say her name now because it makes me sick to think about my trash. I hate my “Father,” but I’m still here, a grown-ass man living off his cash right now.

Is that not unconditional love? I’m not suicidal, I keep telling myself, but right now, I’m in a dark place. Much like Silas, I’m somewhere in-between letting the dead take me. On the other hand, I really want to hit something. My fists were balled all day—God, such hate. If I could, I’d apologize for my terrible novel. I’m going to finish it, but I hate it more with each passing day. Nobody will ever read it, but yeah, this is a job that must get done, even if I become public enemy number one. Yes, Madam Justice, that is from another rap song. What, it’s not like I can tell you about the book series I’m liking, not loving, I ain’t Jacob. Now that guy has unconditional love but also unlimited power, ha. Rule 19 Love Is A Great Power but unconditionally… divinity.

God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 144 ~Will Gets Very Math~

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A great man once said, never tell me the odds. For now, I rather not know how many days there in the week. How many people aren’t dead yet. How many words do I need to catch up in NaNoWriMo… around 700. “Will Gets Very Math.”

Sunday, November 22, 2020

Gospel 144 ~Will Gets Very Math~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you’re still wondering what day it is. SIGH, I can’t say I envy you. You know, each week I want to leave you with hope. However, today you feel somewhat between “Fortunate Son” and Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down.” Then you can throw in NPH from Starship Troopers, who said something to the tune of this. It’s simple numbers; they have more. Everything and everyone is coming up with numbers. Only you know which one really concerns me about you.

Okay, as we get into my many failures this week, let’s keep in mind that we are on a time crunch here. You have 23 minutes before WWE’s Survivor Series. It ain’t like you’re going to watch all of it anyway, seeing as how today is for Walkers and Empties… TWD. However, must I remind you that you aren’t dead yet. Neither are you suicidal, but you are definitely envying the dead right now. Of course, that’s the wrong thing to say during the days of Coronavirus, COVID-19. Hell, even wishing for death is somewhat acceptable. Not what you’re doing when it comes to “Sinning The Cherry On Top.” Can you imagine if such trash was allowed to be published? Well, first off, it has to be written, and how is that going? I know even with 2000 words, you didn’t make Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 4
    Completed

Should you continue to be selfish. Maybe you should add in the rest of the world and its numbers. I swear if it wasn’t the spammers, every side is fighting from votes, viral, and of course, violence. You might prefer that to the days of actual Hell that await, biblical. Hotdogs don’t seem to be appeasing the Dæmon, and at what time did he get his last meds. Oh yeah, he also needs his nails trimmed. Why don’t we spend some money on black jeans so his Dad can continue to hold down a job? Humiliations galore await you, friend. Yet I’m still going to give you Six Impossible Things when you only need one. From the show that started it all, “The Walking Dead.” JSS Just Survive Somehow. It would help if you got some sleep or food, a shower but Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 5

You’re not a caveman or a homeless one. Endure and Survive, FOCUS, Do Whatever It Takes. Will Gets Very Math.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

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So last week, around this time, I got 5400, and tonight there was 4300. I’m still not catching up to NaNoWriMo standards, but at least I’m not a liar when I put down 33,000 and some words total. Willing To Be Tired but not 700 words, but why not

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m not the usual Trump supporter. Let’s say for the record that I’m sorry I keep bringing up that piece of shit, which is the president. I’ve said a few times actually that he just creeps into everything daily. Speaking of which, it’s 10:50 PM right this second which means, I might be going to bed at 2:30 AM again tonight. My Lady Luna, I didn’t want to talk to you until I rectified things with NaNoWriMo from last night. Negan would say, “Today was a productive damn day.”

Okay, counting what I should have done last night (1900 Words). Also adding today’s total (2000 words) and this conversation (400). I’m only 700 short of doing a good work total of 5000. Don’t get excited, Lady Lu. I still hate Math and Language Arts. Surprisingly I continue to sound like a “Trumptard” by going against any form of knowledge.

On the other hand, those idiots will get up early to support him, and here I am, waking up at 8:30 AM. It was a struggle, I tell ya, trying to get my hair cut, go shopping, and let me repeat it… 4300 words, WHOA. But as Brandy sang about. “Almost doesn’t count.” Don’t get me started on music. Last night or the day before? Okay, how do I say this without going off the deep end of my addiction?

A “person” who said they would provide a service robbed a bunch of people. They got the sum of a million dollars. Now this person has, had, is building, hell if I know a music career. They did a song called “Lonely” which I have listened to and watched because I’m Will. I didn’t buy anything from them, but the fact I have it on Spotify and am now listening to Akon’s “Lonely.” So I went to get a haircut, which is only $10.00, but another person convinced me to get a shampoo and a scalp massage. That means I’m out of Ghost Pepper sauce for my BBQ ribs SIGH. Finally, there is an artist I have my eye on, which means I’ll be shelling out cash for Patreon, maybe. If I need anything right now, it’s a good night’s sleep, now that is funny. Not with this coming week.

But too exhausted for nightmares, Lu. Willing To Be Tired.

I Will Have No Fear