Tag: Honesty

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

WillLeave a comment

Well, one more Existence Day down, and unfortunately *AHEM* Spotify, Mensa, Hulu, and Adam &Eve remembered. The good news about being with me is I’m not one for celebrations besides Star Wars Day. “The Will To Exist,” I get Star Wars, but why me

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may the world forgive me for my selfishness. More to the point, may you forgive me, My Love. As Will Smith put it, “I’m being the best lover and friend. Am I being the best daddy I can.” Is that all I’m going on, these 36 years? I’m not regretting a moment of it. Still lying here beside you and her. Hell or sitting in my bed with my sleeping firstborn as usual. I can’t help but ponder the man I am, and I don’t mean only surviving my day-to-day.

I want to be real with who I am and again, being here at this moment shows me that you see. Now I didn’t become the man that you could love, I’m the man that you decided to love. Does that make any sense? A friend told me to compromise who I am for love. I’m not Wayne Brady. I’ve been talking about listening more to black men I like but back to my point. Anyway, he made a list, “The List,” of everything he wanted in a woman. You’re everything I hoped for. You’re everything I need.” Yes, with my music, I know Love. Somehow I’ve never gotten to what I want in myself. I know I want, like everything, I want lots of love and little ones, but what of the man inside. I’ve always hated yesterday until, hell, I don’t know. My parents weren’t happy I arrived, nobody else either but you, baby doll, that I exist.

You’re mine, and I am yours always, that makes us happy. I’ve never agreed with those people who said you have to love yourself first. You have to be in harmony with who you are. I found peace with you. Baby Girl, I’ll note millions of reasons with us. I know it to live hm. Is it only a Billionaire status… of course, living the dream. I can think back of a time when lying in bed, hoping I didn’t get humiliated at the Day Job, was as good as it gets. I was without direction, without purpose. My Mom would tell me I would find my way… another song.

How about a few like Chasing Cars, “if I lay here,” add in some U2 “With or without you.” Martin Luther King Jr. could be right about a man having nothing to die for, maybe.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Still The Will To Exist…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~

WillLeave a comment

Well, I’m back to time-traveling because I will be too busy surviving the day to bother with writing. Today is like someone announcing the annual Purge and that means I have to hide. Only if I were to have the Perfect Day… Willing Existence Day To Be

Monday, September 7, 2020

Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~

To Existence Day #36

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, yes I am. Madam Justice, today is not about a rule. It’s Existence Day. Now yesterday, I talked about reality, but today I want to speak on Existence Day um, why not now. So if you dare…

My Dæmon is an old man, much like me. He has a little beard, maybe a few gray hairs, but he runs around with my two-legged kids. If I have a son and daughter, of course, Luke and Leia. Three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember. Anyway, how’s breakfast in bed? My loving wife has long gotten me over hating today. She was up early for a “variety” of reasons, and after a kiss, good morning, she’s taking pictures. After breakfast, there’s a shower, but of course, I’m not alone, and why would I want to be. No more hiding today. As I walk through the house, several of the staff are wishing me well. I don’t grumble at them. I don’t have my earphones blaring away. Even now, hearing my voice sounds a little weird.

Now I’m not working today, but somebody has to keep things running. Before my beautiful wife, I would probably have a celebration at one of my many brothels. I have established several, so there’s plenty of stops to make. Everyone’s excited, and the gifts wow. That wonderful wife of mine has a surprise at the studio. Most of the staff will be taking a lunch break as we make a movie. I swear the woman is insatiable, and I’m getting used to my birthday suit.

We take the kids to the beach. While I’m still not much of a fan of the water, my wife is a talented swimmer. My Dæmon is barking his head off, but he’s trying to pull the kids away from the water. He’s getting too old for this stuff, but what about me? My age? Heading back to the house, well geez, everyone has arrived. Cosplayers, writers, some of the tamer girls I know. Indiana Gone, M. Anime, a couple of the MILFS. I don’t dwell on those missing, and my mom is a bit freaked out, but she did raise a gentleman, I think. “Surprise,” my wife announces in her dress, and she brought a friend. Happy Existence Day.

To me, that would be perfect, happy to be alive. Willing Existence Day To Be

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 067 ~Adam Did, I’m Willing~

WillLeave a comment

Christmas Eve, the day before a Disney World trip, the sickness before heading into the Day Job, all rolled into one today. I’m always surprised when I have another day and grateful when my dog gets older. “Adam Did, I’m Willing,” to face another Eve

Sunday, September 6, 2020

Gospel 067 ~Adam Did, I’m Willing~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you know what you are today. Better for you to go and look in the mirror at some point today. For today is all about preparing for tomorrow, and why? What happens tomorrow? Now usually I would talk about all your failures but again, the man in the mirror. We should face your reality right now. When tomorrow comes, you won’t be surprised. Ha, like you’ve ever had one of those. Yesterday was a bust other than more cleaning and a spirited chat. How’s tomorrow looking?

You’re going to get a good night’s sleep tonight. Yeah, haven’t you all this week, but I mean a full eight hours. No, you won’t look at the failure of 4:00 AM and fall back to sleep. I want you to think of it like Christmas Eve morning. 7:00 AM and hopefully, no Olds text. You’ll walk the Dæmon because he enjoys it, and that’s the last you’ll be going outside other than answering the door. You have to go shopping today so you can have breakfast tomorrow. Oh, don’t have one single, stupid, solitary thought of the Day Job. Speaking of work, you have to talk to Madam Justice because there will be no writing tomorrow. A return to time-travel, and you already have the subject picked out. It’s going to be how you wish tomorrow was and not this reality. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton
    Failed

You won’t be thinking about all the ways you failed, despite what this list says. No company is coming tomorrow. Geez, as much as I want to yell at you about that… I wonder, will you even get to mowing the lawn today? Everything else is clean, mostly at least. You’re going to have a big dinner. I’m thinking of steak, baked potato, and hot wings, or some surf and turf. Mom knew how to spoil you, and again you don’t want to hear a word. There will be NO FAPPING, do you understand? Not on that day of all days. If you wanted to feel good, I should have tried harder Saturday. A woman almost had you fired once, and as much as you hate the Day Job, nobody is being banished from Eden. That’s the Day Job, mind you, The Tree of Knowledge, another year. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

Only Existence Day Eve, so tempting; Adam Did, I’m Willing.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 064 ~Something Will MAID Up~

WillLeave a comment

Last week it was schoolgirls, and today it was maids. Now I could use both, but if pressed, at the moment I could use a maid because I’m tired as all Hell and that Hell is coming in a few days “The Day.” Something Will MAID Up or my parents

Thursday, September 3, 2020

Gospel 064 ~Something Will MAID Up~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, hopefully before I’m married. Who knows my wife may understand my business? Not to sound like an asshole, but she may clean up after me. She may even speak Spanish, not that it’s a requirement. Now with maids well, if she cleans well and is hot as Hell, I can give her a job. To be honest, and I’ve spoken of this often enough, I drove away my last maid wanting to see her without her pants. More to the point, get into her pants SIGH, Okay. Today should be “happy” but T-Minus four days.

I talked to Inspector Echo yesterday about how I’m not “knocking boots,” “playing twenty-toes,” or the like. No, Dirty Diana, I’ve been on a cleaning kick. Do you remember “The DAY” I felt Okay up on the loveseat as we watched Twilight: Eclipse. Later on, I watched movies with Indiana Gone. Now that was the best DAY ever. Of course, you know what I want to do. I got two days off from the Day Job. I hate everybody there. But if there’s moaning involved, let it be Jade Jantzen, Ariela Ramera, or Ariella Ferrera.

Yes, I got all into fucking the Latina maid some time ago. I still hate my “father,” but he was right; I should have taken Spanish, and I did later, but I went to French class before that. Can’t speak either, but besides English, my second language says Money Talks.

Bella Rose, Abbey Rain, Mia Rose. Not that the lot of them required money, scene wise. One lost a bet, Abbey needed her hotel job, and who cares, Mia Rose is fucking perfect. She’s in my top five. I’ve already confessed, I clean the house before the maid gets here. The last girl I asked to clean well… yeah, I’m a bad man, I’m a bad, bad man. So seeing as how the next time we chat will be after “Existence Day,” thank you, M Anime. I continue to ask why am I going through all of this trouble. You should see how packed my coffee table is. It would freak out any woman the layers of filth. Oh, I don’t mean levels of dust.

I might be back to time-traveling so as not to work on Existence Day. Something I can blame on my Olds. Something Will MAID Up

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 063 ~When Will Cleans House~

WillLeave a comment

I was a “Hero,” before and this week, I’m only the janitor of the house, and while I wish it was for a good cause. Nah, my Old Man is coming. Hope, I don’t die. My lil sis was in quarantine, and now my Father wants to drop by? When Will Cleans House?

Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Gospel 063 ~When Will Cleans House~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford a maid. I’ll admit I drove my last cleaning lady away, asking to see her Yabbos. That’s embarrassing enough. How about my BFF Indiana Gone? When she would come over, I went into a freaking cleaning frenzy. Hell, she told me once that she liked my shrimp pasta, and if I made her some, she’d give me a blowjob. Will he cook, will he clean, will he order takeout, options? All the above. Which brings me to today. The best maid in the world is a man thinking he’ll get laid.

What have I been doing instead of talking to you? I’m proud to say I’ve never been given a swirly. However, this morning I had my head in two toilets. I washed the dishes, cleared out some sex toys. As we speak, I should still be at it. Of course, My Dæmon is all confused. He misses Indiana Gone as do I. Talk about one in a million, and I still speak to her, that’s something. Now before I get into Yabbos or make another mess, I can’t help but contemplate what it takes for me to get it up… to clean. I swear I have been sitting in squalor for months. Inspector Echo, the plague is still upon us, the Coronavirus (COVID-19). It’s like donning clean underwear just in case you die. If I kept talking to MILF Tres, I would have gotten around to doing something sooner. Now we have what I can’t talk about at all, Echo.

Death, though, my “father” is coming over today with a mattress. If he shows up, it might as well be with a coffin. A sad state of affairs, believing he is trying to kill me and so close to The DAY. My sister was in quarantine, and now my “father” wants to show up, hmm?

One way or another, it looks like I’ll end up on my back. Am I getting my house in order? Once again, I have the time. Only on top of cleaning and chatting away, I’m burying myself in depravity. I’ve been commenting on a new English girl because ain’t nobody thinking about Cherry. There’s been drooling around the Boobless Wonder and Tifa Lockhart. Damn, they both remind me of “HER.”

Doubt “Dad” will check my laptop or closet, stuff, and thangs… When Will Cleans House.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I said something about people disappearing, and I don’t need the usual magic words. If you ever read what I write, it’s like Spinelli and Maxie all over again. You know, from General Hospital years ago? Willing To Say Anything to not be me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which could make me a Republican or at least a fan. No, never, as the song goes, I’ll Be (the greatest fan of your life.) Yes, I know it’s getting kind of late, and I can’t say I’m an expert at pillow talk or speech period. One more reason I’m a writer and this. I write to test out everything I want to say and to learn what I shouldn’t. Being your man and all, I know plenty of things a woman says when she’s annoyed. There are things a man shouldn’t forget. Then there’s these.

When you say nothing at all. Damn, I want to tell you everything, but I’m still afraid of how it will look. If I say nothing, then I know I can’t screw anything up, and I never mastered that courtly love concept. If you say nothing, then you’re like all the rest in my life. Obsessed with that idea, right? Baby girl, I believe love is a chemical, a drug, an obsession. You’ve seen all these people breaking up during the plague era who can’t stand to be around each other for ten minutes. I said I would share my life, and I mean it. My soul is in my writing. Do you know what it’s like to have it be seen and tossed aside like so much garbage? That’s why it takes forever for me to let you see it. I want you to be better, I want you to say something, please anything.

I tell you I love you, and you know that the phrase is used far too often. Hell, I shared one of my first books with a woman, and that scared her off quick. Such was her vanity, or so I believe. I don’t mean to complain, but how am I going to get to sleep tonight. Well, besides doing that, ha. Again the things I want to say to you, My Love or more to the point, do to you. It still surprises me that you haven’t left. There’s this movie I saw once. It’s about an artist who got married but lost his spark because his wife didn’t understand him or his work. Slaves To Passion, I guess. If I could tell you everything though… Stay With Me.

Let My Baby Stay, I pray. Willing To Say Anything.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 061 ~What If Once Isn’t Enough~

WillLeave a comment

Someone said, “I’ll try anything once” now, I can’t say I exactly live by that myself, but if I strike out three times, I’ll walk away. Yes, says that man that is going on ten attempts and around 36 days come… um, nevermind. What If Once Isn’t Enough

Monday, August 31, 2020

Gospel 061 ~What If Once Isn’t Enough~

Hundred And Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I would never spend a dime on baseball. Nor would I pay anything for basketball, football, soccer, and the list goes on. Sure, I like nachos and a well-cooked hotdog, peanuts, and Icees, but I hate sports. Not all sorts, mind you. There are no Olympics this year, and I paused wrestling for our chat. Now I love movies. I went to see Black Panther at least four times. Yes, still thinking about Chadwick Boseman. Back to something HAPPY … Yabbos.

Wait, we’re not supposed to be speaking about those. Didn’t I say something about learning my lesson? Of course, you know I’ll talk about Yabbos forever, but HUT ONE, HUT TWO, HUT THREE, HUT! Yes, I know the difference between baseball and football, but I prefer music. Shame on a Nigga by the Wu-Tang Clan to be specific. Anyway, my point is I fucked up (pardon my language), and I’m not going for four. Only I want to Madam Justice. I continue to lose friends left and right like something off that movie Unfriended. I give myself too much credit that I could be a good man, but here I am, an open book. The battle cry of say his or her name and I don’t speak ill of the dead. If I talk to the living, I would be a horrible person once again.

Here I am talking about screwing up for the fourth time, but my madness and rage are constant. Fire is the only thing getting me through the Day Job because my fear threatens to overflow. How is it that I walk into Hell again and again, and I swear I know it? It’s like choosing to FAP with the knowledge of what I will feel afterward. Yeah, even now, before speaking to you, I was looking for Ariella Ferrera. A reminder of you know who as Momokun is of Cherry. As far as Milf Tres goes, now she was the easiest to forget, I admit.

“The Day” is almost here, and how many times has it been 36? Hell, how have I ever made it this long? Of course, each year, The Day shows that I must like something about this place but what hmm?

Yabbos seeing them again, but what is the meaning of life? Seek out a kingdom, make god bleed, love Madam? What If Once Isn’t Enough?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 060 ~Willing To Be Disappointed~

WillLeave a comment

Looks like my Bipolar instincts are at it again, last week was smiling. For this one, well, I can’t say I have seen many happy people, but I only want one and my furry kid as always. Willing To Be Disappointed

Sunday, August 30, 2020

Gospel 060 ~Willing To Be Disappointed~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you are gearing up for disappointment. What the Hell were you thinking this morning? More like what was I thinking last night, since it hasn’t been twelve hours yet. What time is it again, and you’re where? How about how do you feel right now. Disheveled, discombobulated, a bit disappointed? Yeah, the D has already popped out once since Freya Tingley in No Way to Live (2016). Talk about a message in a sex scene. While you can’t imagine no Yabbos ever, what can you live with?

The Day Job SIGH. I ask you again, where are you? How did you waste all this time that you had, and you didn’t look at your novel? Of course, you’re going to “be tha first one to bomb and cuss” as Tupac put it. Still, you have only yourself to blame. My damned entertainment because, well, I didn’t finish everything in The Walking Dead. I thought you would wake up this morning. So much for the “Starbucks theory” as you drank it, had a bite, and after a half-hour of Call me a LEGEND, you fell asleep. Disappointment again is the primary emotion. I remember being back in school so “in love” with you know who. I can’t live without her yeah right, but every day I was a failure, and every week there’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 012 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton
    Failed

Do you need even more failures? Here’s what we can’t talk about. If anything, it was scrapping my NO FAP 19-day streak that kept me from doing something stupid. Saying hello? On with the music, “But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,” so you keep quiet right now. Still, the neighbor lady wouldn’t have that. It’s an excuse I know but maybe having to call her back after leaving a note on my door. Wasn’t that all sorts of “particular” of me, and now you have to face more at the Day Job as I didn’t finish my book. Not reading or writing ever, ha. Only I’m no showman. No, you’re not like Chadwick Boseman. If you died today, no one would care. I don’t mean to be so bleak but only factual, which if I learned anything is not always wanted. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

So do I have any final advice or sage wisdom? Keep your pants on but be Willing To Be Disappointed.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 057 ~A Class In Will~

WillLeave a comment

The power of a plaid skirt, plain white kneesocks, pigtails, and I could go on, but for now, I’ll say I’m having a better day, “researching,” um yeah. Hell, if they gave a class called adult entertainment, I would have had all A’s. “A Class In Will.”

Thursday, August 27, 2020

Gospel 057 ~A Class In Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can hire the best doctors. Yet all I need is some “Sexual Healing” at the moment. To be honest, I’ve reached that point in NO FAP, where I want to offer MILF Dos $500. I’ve also been looking at pictures of Cherry again. Anything to take my mind off of reality these days. Fuck Dirty Diana, what was I doing at seventeen… um, don’t answer that. The point is I never killed anybody, only I’m still considered the bad guy, never a “bad boy,” sometimes a Bad Man. An idea, School Glaze.

That’s what I wanted to name our talk today, but I showed “class?” Not in the least, but I am still so afraid. Yeah, and I want to be a pornographer. It doesn’t work if you don’t have a shit ton of money. Okay, that’s a lie, but let’s talk about happy things, like schoolgirls.

“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” Wooderson: Matthew McConaughey, Dazed and Confused (1993)

Last week I talked about some of my favorite black schoolgirls, and yes, I’m repeating myself. Lacey Duvalle “How Convenient…,” Jenna Foxx “My Sister’s Hot Friend.” Cassidy Banks, “Teachers Assistant Gets Fucked.” Now I didn’t know Jenna Foxx actually did schoolgirl. Until I found “Teens Gone Wild” RealityJunkies, I Don’t Believe You Scene 1. Dirty Diana, this goes to show two things. One, if you want my full concentration, it better involve Yabbos. Two, a great compliment is caring enough to see them once more.

Hell, isn’t that how I lost MILF Tres? I cared enough to reveal my soul and what… she thought I was in love with her? We’re on ten girls Dirty Diana and how many of them did I say, I Love You? Only two, the first two The D and Sweetness. That’s like 20%, right?

“I stopped chasing every chick under the sun many moons ago
so pretend my dick is a balloon and blow
cause you better put a fork in it if you think I’mma lay here just spooning yo
oh you think you the shit ’cause I just said you were beautiful” Eminem, Echo Bad Meets Evil

Before I get all mean and nasty AHEM, how about wanting to fuck Parvin and Zoi “Testing It All.” What about Dakota Skye “Come To My Room” and Little Val. I swear there is something about these petite girls. Did I ever tell you about the time I figured Little Lupe would get me arrested?

Since I’m no longer talking about schoolgirls, what about Momokun and Tifa Lockhart. I still imagine Momokun’s Yabbos are Cherry’s. She wants guys to think of her as a young schoolgirl and her Mum wow.

So yeah class, did you learn… A Class In Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

WillLeave a comment

Nobody is ever “real” with me, it’s like everyone is a magician, and I’m an audience of one watching them disappear. I’m left echoing, “how’d they do that?” One reason I listen to so much music. “Got To Be Will,” but what about anyone else.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, I am a lover and friend, and the best daddy. Yeah, I also sound like a particular Will Smith song. Of course, I’ll never say anything negative about the guy, and you know why that is. I’m being me, My Love, I got to be Will. That’s why I love you so much. As always, another song AHEM, that’s all I “Ask Of You.” I know this week has only just begun, but I’m wishing I’d stayed in bed. Geez, I’m going to sound like one of my Spotify playlists, but would you lie with me?

I tell you I need space one day, and the next, I need you to never let me go. Yeah, I got “Issues,” and how many songs is that? I’m around 7 so far but darling “Stay With Me,” please. It’s not like I can hear anyone else and “You’re All I Need To Get By.” Are you annoyed yet? I choose every single day to share my life with you. Now, this is something I can never diminish. My firstborn has his Trump-like loyalty to me. Um, that’s scary. The kids aren’t going anywhere so soon. They grow up so fast I always hear. But “Only You” baby girl… It’s not the fact that you choose to be with me though you have, and I am forever grateful. You know I believe that “Your Love Is My Drug.” I could blurt out 1 Corinthians or talk about all your heart, soul, and mind. Yeah, me and my pride again.

If today were Thursday, and what have I said about scheduling “relations?” I can’t help it as it comes with the job. Well, Kagney Linn Karter on the set called Dane Cross her Superman. Again I look at all I have lost, the many friends, the motivation, the money, and why? I’m a moron, a misanthropist, I mention the likes of Kagney Linn Karter. My Love, I am no hero, most days I don’t consider myself a good man though it’s nice to hear you call me one. I’m only Will, and if I am to be real with you, I’m asking, would you be too. Hell, didn’t we settle this with an I Do, I Will, or something to that effect? Yes, and still I ask always, “I Wanna Know,” Got To Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear