Tag: Honesty

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

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Here in my car, I feel frightened of all; even with my locked doors, I might not even live; yeah, that’s a song I don’t know really, let alone an attempt to rewrite, but at least I wasn’t driving all over today. Will Did It Highway yep

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and I’ll never drive again. Yes, I’m being dramatic and lying, but its been touch and go for a while. Back to the matter at hand, though, October 16, a day where I am surprised I lived. Inspector Echo, that was my first time driving on the highway in years. How’s that for a confession? Now, of course, I’ve been on the highway. My “father” taking me to get the car, The McWane Science Center trip with Indiana Gone “Star Wars.”

Anyway, driving on the highway; not since I was back in high school, do you know how many years that was. What’s my age again, as the song goes? Okay, to get to Indiana Gone’s wedding, it was fourteen hours avoiding my fear or ten and a half going headlong. Hell, do I love that woman, she would probably say yes I do. I can’t say I have any other IRL friends. “Okay,” is not speaking to me, and I’m always trying to see Cherry’s boobs. My Firstborn is having a tantrum; what did they have him sleeping on there? I don’t risk my friends’ lives and besides the most depressing drive is getting to work every day. Who needs the highway when my Day Job is killing me daily? I don’t even need the car to get to that bit of Hell. Still isn’t that the dream, staying home.

I realized only now that I checked the mailbox and didn’t have any tickets. Last week earlier today, I almost crashed into someone. I left early Friday morning, but you know I’m an old man, a blind one, I could have been a dead one. You know I always want to limit lives lost. Didn’t I say that the word “MERGE” ranks right up there with Stupid and Happy? Indeed, I was grateful whenever Siri said for some hundred miles to keep straight. Of course, that didn’t account for gas breaks; how many close calls did I have? Even when I got to the hotel, I took a left instead of a right because I had so much anxiety, and I was exhausted. What about the humiliation of my mother calling when they ran my card in Rockford? More on that Friday I suppose Echo.

For now, I’m sorry I was so afraid, but yes Inspector Will Did It Highway.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~

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I’m still looking at the man in the mirror and seeing how anxiety has warped me to several degrees; I can only imagine the smile I could wear on my face, like when I saw my friend in love and happy. Can’t Hurry Love Will

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not enough love? Now I don’t want to be my father. I’ve said before; love is not a prize. It’s not a timestamp. Love doesn’t come with a price tag. It scares me; sometimes, I don’t know how to love you enough. You’re scared that I don’t love myself. I have my rules 4 & 5 talking about hate keeping you alive. The next, love is worth dying for, which I understand. You know my past, for want, lack, ability love has nearly ended me plenty. I’m still standing.

Brandy sang almost doesn’t count, the song goes. I’m always in music, aren’t I? Funny, I can hear everything, and yet when you say it, baby girl? My “former” boss would say, in one ear and out the other. It’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be; that’s from a song and movie. I should focus more on myself, though. You know, to me, that sounds selfish. I say it often though, I share it with you, and I’m also pretty shallow. Should I apologize, shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, should I share more. All of the above is why it took me so long to find you. Twenty seconds of insane courage is nothing. I’m still bragging about the 1500 miles I traveled for a friend. In a drawer, I have bills for hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for my Firstborn. Now didn’t I say, love is not a price tag baby doll?

No, love is those moments I head out the door, and I call to him. Not “I love you” or “make good decisions.” I’m like the Terminator “I’ll Be Back,” and I spend every waking moment focused on doing that only. Again and I can’t say it enough, every Saturday I lie here with you for a few hours, and listen to the world end. My nuclear pop music, some TWD gaming, Youtube reactions; you are my Heaven. So what about the other six days: I build the life I love, but I want to share it with you always. I might have spoken to you about my “former” job when I stood up for myself nearly “fighting.” I loved myself regardless of anyone else.

Love’s distance; the bed to mirror; Can’t Hurry Love Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

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A great man once said, if they want to crucify me I have the hammer and the nails, and me being a Scrooge and everything I don’t share, so I try not to hurt others but only myself yet I could myself a sadist ha. “Judge No One Improve Yourself,” I try

Monday, October 21, 2019

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

Hundred And Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and other than exhaustion, I’ve semi-recovered. My sides have quit hurting, and my foot feels fine. Best news of all, my Firstborn is home where he belongs. I use the term HOME loosely. Where the heart is as “THEY” say, and I love my son like pancakes. Now pancakes sound pretty delicious even at 3:40 PM. I could use some real food, but of course, I’ve slept the day away. Okay, so that brings me to my point, which is an improvement in my sleeping, if anything.

The house is still a mess, and my inbox keeps piling up. If I were listening to Dale Carnegie, I would remember dealing with one thing at a time. I like you, Madam Justice, but I’m only now getting up to talk at all. I am listening to my kid more, but does that make me a better father? If anything, it is FEAR that makes me want to do anything to be better in any aspect of my life. Still, as the song goes, madness takes its toll. What about this morning. Why didn’t I take the highway this morning? Driving with my son in tow is dangerous enough. I don’t want to go back to the man I was Madam Justice. Last week was a plethora of self-improvement, mixed with possible death. You know I always want to become more than what I am; there’s no choice even.

Now, as for judging other people, I don’t. Yeah, I know what you’re saying, women. I like what I like, and I don’t hate looks. Yes, hate is wrong regardless, but people’s actions dictate that type of response. I was watching TWD last night, so take Negan, for example. Saved Judith, Dog, and Arron, but brutally murdered two people, more, and ignited a war. It almost resulted in a genocide. Negan must be held accountable for his crimes, but he can become better than his yesterdays. It’s the same as me in a way though I’ve never committed 90% of the sins people accuse and speak of Justice. No wonder I dream of becoming so great to make up for well everything. I am my own worst enemy Madam Justice.

I’m Scrooge, I’m selfish and shallow but remember Rule Thirteen? I won’t ask you not to judge, but for everyone, Judge No One Improve Yourself?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 111 ~Will In The 1500s~

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I’m living in another time as another man, and don’t ask me about 1500 unless you’re talking about the miles traveled in two days of my life, but where does one even find the time. “Will In The 1500s,” and more

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Log 111 ~Will In The 1500s~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would that be enough to fix you? Will, there are so many things I want to say right now. I understand, though, you are exhausted after your journey. Now before you go bawling your eyes out as per usual, I want you to know something. I’m proud of you. I want you to see all that you have accomplished before you let something like SOL get you down. From Thursday to right here and now, who would have thought you were capable? Fuck your feelings (LANGUAGE); let’s deal with facts, don’t we always.

You traveled over 1500 miles total, here to Rockford. Will you crossed paths with people from all walks of life. In a strange city, with only one friend, “The Bride” you went about, well not living. Do you see how quickly negatively enters? Anyway, you went to a wedding. Instead of being embarrassed and yes there was a bit of that, you regret not dancing. You finally hooked up that dashboard, smartphone holder for the trip back. How many of your fears did you look square in the eye and say, “Bring It On.” You found the strength you never knew you had, and you pushed forward. Not to say that the trip wasn’t without losses, but even now, you’re making a plan. Tomorrow you’ll bring your Firstborn back to the house. Alas, there’s always this Will Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Survive The Week
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

Number Five, the most significant accomplishment, you’re not dead. Okay, let’s bring on the misery. Everything you brought for two days, and you’re upset with losing a damn shirt. It was your favorite NaNoWriMo T-Shirt, but still. Hell, how many traffic laws did you break on all those highways? You wouldn’t get up on time, and searching for a loss shirt made you later than getting to Rockford. The house doesn’t look ransacked, but you would know everything about hiding things. Even now, we’re still talking, and what time is it now? I could go on forever and a day about things you did wrong, or more like think you did. It’s all in the past. Don’t worry; I won’t ask you to look up the 1500s. You’re no longer a history buff except when oh yeah Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

Again I’m so proud, but you’re still worried about 1500 problems that could happen. There’s Past, Present, and Future but ending, Will In The 1500s.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 108 ~When Will, Will Come~

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Well, I certainly have been putting my car through its paces, and I have been moving pretty fast in that regard, but today, and tonight for that matter as Romeo put it sad hours seem long, but he was talking about a woman. “When Will, Will Come”

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Log 108 ~When Will, Will Come~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it can’t patch the hole in my heart. Speaking of patching holes SIGH, you’ll have to excuse me for not feeling sexier this evening. Anyway, I wouldn’t mind a woman asking me that question, when will I come. Wait, don’t I have a woman asking me that question? Well, she’s spoken for or will be in a couple of days. The thing is, though, what I did today was harder than yesterday. Wednesday scared the crap out of me, but today it only hurts.

I’m talking about my heart for once and not a case of Blue Balls. Hell, Dennis Hof was loving so many women but loved his dog Domino more than any of them. Half a million for a dog, and my Firstborn has two bottles of meds. He also has five packs of food and his favorite toy. Right now, as the song goes, “And everyday I wake up, with a naked lady” but right now, yeah, I’m soft. A single father with only my little boy, I do remember a time I was a hopeless romantic. You know I’m a true believer in the living dead? Count Jesus, and you might consider me a Christian. When’s the last time I’ve been in a church anyway. Let’s not talk about some of the fantasies I once imagined. Did I say that on a Thursday, this is all about fucking sexual ideology? I don’t even watch my language today; it’s my day.

In truth, I’ll be glad when it’s all over. Indiana Gone “The Bride” was telling me about the work she was doing. I said weddings are work, but they should be fun. Imagine what a wreck I’ll be when I meet some girl. She’s out there, somewhere. Indiana Gone asked when she’ll attend my wedding, and I said, “when the dead walk the earth.” Yeah, I’ll meet my Maggie, my Enid, the dream is Alicia. Such names would usually get me hard. If I wanted to come, I could think of a million different reasons. The only coming I’m doing, though, is a wedding, a dog hotel, and all the fears that await me tomorrow morning. You could tell me I could fuck any woman, but I would only want to get back to here.

Now I’m sitting alone, others asking, When Will. Will Come?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

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Last week I talked about the open road, got my driver’s license renewed, found my way to my kid’s hotel, and even visited with my Olds, good thing I got the car fixed, but where am I off to now? Must Go Faster Will.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, so sorry Bernie Sanders I want mine. For now, I’ll settle with being fearless, the impossible dream I know. Hell, what I did today I would have at one point said was impossible. A rite of passage if you will, like losing your virginity, getting a job, or getting married. The things I will do for a woman as always. So what is it I did today besides make my Firstborn look like a hippie, or is it Bohemian? You know I wish I could tell you, it’s too humiliating Inspector.

It’s something to the tune of Franklin Clinton’s first “job.” Am I the only one who walks into a bank and thinks how to take one down. No Inspector Echo, but I would have been paying somebody all sorts of money when I was downtown today. If anything, I would have died well dressed, and let’s not get started on my driver’s license photo. It’s how I felt at the time, all wide-eyed and panicked, which explains why I’m not sleeping. I’ve seen everything today, and even my Olds didn’t scare me as much as my actions. You want embarrassing, asking everyone about my shirt. Scared to put on my Firstborn’s collar because he hates getting dressed. Was he tacky at TheDogStop that the ladies gave me another collar for him? It was free, but nearly wrecking today on the highway wouldn’t be I know.

I’m still “trying” to read How To Stop Worrying And Start Living. Strange I was living by one of the principles, imagine the worst, accept it, improve it too. I’m sitting there thinking, the worst thing that could happen is I die. I’m not suicidal, Inspector Echo. It was sort of like GTA when flying a plane. Taking off and landing, that’s the hard part. Once you’re coasting along, well you have time to reflect. I won’t lie to you Inspector Echo I’m still scared. The thing is I didn’t die, and I know what I did must be done. I know if I expect to have a wife and a family if I want to get anywhere in the world. My little boy faced his fear so why can’t I? Eric Thomas talks about running towards the fight, and I’ve been running away forever.

Sorry, if I want the world, Must Go Faster Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 106 ~Looking For Mr. Will~

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Yes another long nap today and then a fashion shoot courtesy of Amazon shopping and getting some hoots and hollers from the ladies, which was a bit of fun, still I’m looking for what all the fuss was about in the mirror. Looking For Mr. Will now

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Log 106 ~Looking For Mr. Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but love is a gift. Well, love is plenty of things, to be honest. You know I’m one for music, but I will say that Aloe Blacc’s song “Wake Me Up” annoys me a bit. Not that I’m so tired at this point but more the lyrical content. “Love is the prize” for some reason I don’t agree. When I first met my Firstborn and yeah “our” firstborn, it was love at first sight. I saw this little ball of fluff held by a monster without a trace of fear. Strange that you didn’t think much of me either with our first, and I love you.

Is it me being a fan of Creed, that I could understand. Still, when I saw our child, I found myself thinking, “With Arms Wide Open.” You know, “I hope he’s not like me; I hope he understands.” I don’t only mean in the looks department, we’ve been down that road before. Someone once said that the more they try to understand women, the less they know. Even with all my business dealings, I share the sentiment. A great man said don’t try because women understand women and they hate each other. You know I love women; well you most of all and my girls. My Firstborn’s wife, I’m still hoping for puppies someday. Anyway to be the man that has all of this; I don’t know, I’m not seeing him in the mirror now.

One woman called me suave. Don’t get jealous, my love. All the songs are going to get me in trouble one day. Jay-Z said males shouldn’t be jealous that’s a female trait. Still surprises me when you get that way. Yeah, I should probably stop talking now. I should be more like Akon; when I was listening to “Never Gonna Get It. Here I am busy modeling, and you know I’m one for hoodies and NaNoWriMo t-shirts. Getting ready for Indiana Gone’s wedding, and I have to get all suave. Beats a few other choice words I could think of this evening. No matter the bank account, though, I’m still going to be the guy in jeans and a hoody. Forever and always I’ll be yours. You know anything though I want to see that guy staring back SIGH someday.

Mr. Will will see you now, Looking For Mr. Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 105 ~Always Beware The Patient Woman~

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If a woman ever asked me to get to the point, in my best Akon voice, I’d break out with, “You already know I want to…” (Language) yeah I know, but women have a lot more patience than I. “Always Beware The Patient Woman” plenty of fish in the sea

Monday, October 14, 2019

Log 105 ~Always Beware The Patient Woman~

Hundred And Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now though it took patience. Only that’s nothing compared to some woman out there waiting for me to come and find her one day. Does that make me sound somewhat creepy, stalkerish, and skeevy? I’ll end up blocked again? Hell, I had a funny thought at Chick-fil-A only this afternoon. You think my views on women are complicated; I’m confused about chicken places. Anyway, I got this idea that I only want to make a woman happy someday.

You remember, well, I can’t say her name either, but I sought God to be with her at one point. It’s the reason now I usually ignore holy roller women despite the sex appeal. I don’t have time to walk the line between Heaven and Hell. I’ve already made my decision, depending on your viewpoint. I think that’s where women get it wrong, believing a man can change. Dennis Hof would say something to the tune of, I gotta be me, two read-throughs, and the audiobook. He told women the truth, and I do as well; okay, let’s not talk about Pinterest. Sometimes it scares me to death and others it knows me too well. Still, I talk about running all over the place for a woman, married, about to be. One more giving her life to Christ SIGH. Could it be I’m only trying to find her sooner rather than later, dear Madam Justice?

I’ve said so many times I want to be someone worthy, and that never matters to women. Looking in the mirror this morning I still saw my messed up teeth and bloodshot eyes. You were waiting for me to come and talk to you this evening. I missed another model, or at least she’s not speaking to me, but I wasn’t so excited anyway. At some point this week I’ll have to face my mother. The Prodigal son, yeah what’s my age again, though my Alamo fund is nearly zero. One more woman doing anything to make her happy with my trip. Only What I wouldn’t give to have some pretty “Taylor Townsend” looking me up. Oh yeah, I’m making that so much harder thank you, Facebook. I’m hiding until I find the courage, coming out of my cage, ha.

I want her to come with me now. Well, okay enough music, don’t you think. Always Beware The Patient Woman.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 104 ~What Paper WILL Do~

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Every day I ask myself what I want to write tomorrow; I suppose that’s why my blog is no good, too busy living in the past, and the future, but hell, I was up at six, and only my furry kid is next to me. “What Paper Will Do?”

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Log 104 ~What Paper WILL Do~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m never going back again. Neither are you, being that boy who thought $200.00 was enough. Hell for $300.00, you wanted a little ass and nice tits. Will that was only eight years ago, and you know what you’ve feared ever since. Just takes two little words, “you’re fired.” One more reason you’re a writer, you’ve seen what the right paper can do with the wrong words. The right paper, the right time, but the wrongest words possible. Is Negan a suitable role model these days?

Anyway, after those school days were done, why should you fear any writing? Let’s start with how you ended last night, the Governor, aka Fandom Spotlite correcting me about Fair Use. If anything, I’m ashamed I sounded like Trump both not knowing or straight-up lying. Now I brought up school, and grades didn’t lie. Yes, you know you can’t live in the past, but that’s the thing. I go walking into a store, and still, people look at me “strange,” and then they have to speak. STUPID is still a dirty word and FAILURE is worst than Fuck (LANGUAGE). Of course, we have this list of six impossible things that you look at every single week. It never goes away, and even now, you wonder what you’re going to do now. Well, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Preparing For Indiana Gone’s Wedding
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

Number five for the win and the bare minimum. It’s no secret even now you’re a scrooge and still so hoity-toity. Grandma might have had a point about your pride. Make no mistake; you deserve five-stars. Nevertheless, you’re willing to settle for three, Courtyard By Marriott. Now you’ll go for two as green paper trumps reviews. Again you could be wrong because your comfort is one thing but spare no expense for your Firstborn. Why not bring him along than leaving him with strangers? The place could have five stars and still wouldn’t be good enough for him. On the other side, you have never succeeded in being the father he deserves. Every piece of paper has called you a failure or the person writing is a liar. Only you are with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Survive The Week
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

I know what I want from you. Will, you know what you want from yourself. It’s never a secret, it’s here and black and white. You understand the power above everything What Paper Will Do.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 101 ~Willing To Get Moving~

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Here in my car I feel; well if I stick with my motivations I should say grateful that I was able to pay for it, but why do I need a car, so I can work, make money, and spend that money on, hell more work one day. Willing To Get Moving.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Log 101 ~Willing To Get Moving~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana
I AM a Billionaire right now and crying over 570 bucks. Well okay not sobbing and a little over. If I am going to pay that much, I wish it was not over the car. How else then would I pursue sex. The fact of the matter is every move we make is either going after that. The results of “doing it” don’t I feel like an old man now? Dirty Diana there is also the justification of sex. You know I’ve never paid for sex; not that I’m not willing to understandably. The sadder fact is I have paid for the illusion of such plenty.

Hell, I remember years ago I thought $300 was enough and then I had to fix the car. Here’s a confession, I’ve never had sex in a car. Yeah Dirty Diana, porno lies and also sexy Rom-coms. Take for example the 2009 movie, Public Sex aka “Dogging A Love Story.” To this day I’m still upset about that mom in the Walmart parking lot. The closest my life has ever gotten to being an adult film. Then again I know some actual working girls but yeah where did all my money go this afternoon. After that missed opportunity I was researching “Lot Lizards” for days. Let’s say my Xvideos list got pretty specific. My “Street Blowjobs” list grew. The thing is I wasn’t going anywhere fast. Now I’m thinking about “Indiana Gone’s Wedding” and finding some “strange wool” in a new place, call me adventurous.

Can you call me old too? Two things, one “strange wool” is out of that movie The Warriors. The second is I’m one for the shaved look, if anything. Here’s some more truth for you though, all-girls cost money. Today I read something about calling women girls and the culture surrounding it to be sure. One more thing I’m stuck in, girls, chicks, and you know I can say so much worse. I know this doesn’t sound so sexy today, but dollar bills turn me on as much as women. Maitland Ward is still lighting the porno industry on fire. Of course I’m trying to make sure my car doesn’t catch fire ever. Yeah, so let me burn my cash and keep moving forward, here in my car. So where am I going anyway, Dirty Diana? Well, work and bed but Willing To Get Moving.

I Will Have No Fear