Tag: Reality

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

WillLeave a comment

What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

WillLeave a comment

“And I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life,” as the song plays on and the beat goes on. I’m not much of a fan of Morgan Freeman now. But V keeps looking at me like I’m the president and can save us. B, V, Are Fans

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s cash to fan me. But coming to you today… there are only tears.

Anybody that doesn’t think tears cool has never met Lucifer or committed an act of Treachery. So why am I crying at six in the morning? Hell! It should have been four, but whatever, Lunalesca. Anyway, the first thought on my mind wasn’t Virgil sleeping next to me but my lost Braxton. Not a day goes by where I don’t replay how Braxton died, Lu. Right now, it’s that scene from Angel “A Hole in the World” S5.E15. Wesley, Winfred! Only as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” or God, whatever. I would sacrifice the whole world; I would lose my soul; anything that could have saved my boy’s life. But there was nothing but an easy death. A murder Lunalesca.

“I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, (Daddy). Why can’t I stay?” A Hole in the World

Not by the vets but by thy own hand. The worse day of this entire existence. Speaking of which, next to Braxton’s dying day is E-Day. To be 38? How did I spend last night? Virgil and I lied here under one of two fans in the house. In case you’re wondering, I carried him out into the cool air at five, which is much better than being here with me. He needed a bathroom break. After, I had to beg him to take food and water. He’s alone now. But all night, he cuddled close to me as if to say, “I know you can save us.” At the price of a few thousand or more… No, I can’t. But getting out of bed?

If I go anywhere today, it will be to get him a fan or some sort of small AC for his room. V comes before me. Yeah, like B, these batteries, or any set of bazongas that’ll have me, Lu. I can’t look forward to any of those for E-Day, huh? No girl can abide in this heat, I know. If a man wants an angel, he must make a Heaven for her. Unless you’re Jacob, who had two fallen angels and his Ariel. The things I wasted money on at the expense of fans. Braxton, Virgil. And now that the shit has hit the fan… I really need a new one. Dante had Beatrice and Virgil cheering him on. Myself? B, V, Are Fans.

580 Days Without B III, Day 021 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

WillLeave a comment

First class grade A… now, I know that doesn’t sound like me. A loser? B didn’t think so. See, I should stop saying it. Destroying myself writing things like this. Fury has no other outlet, though. V’s been here 14 days, and I’m failing V’s No Grade B

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I couldn’t care less how that makes me look as a human being. An asshole?

Can’t say I know the wealthy, well-off, or wantonly wasteful people in this existence, ok? As is becoming routine, my son. B III is priceless. Only do I treat him as such? Even with my memories of him? There haven’t been many this week. And dare I imagine why Lu. Now I won’t compare V to B, Lady Lunalesca. We’re two weeks in Lu, and I still don’t know who I’m talking to. Oh, and fuck you, Hemingway! I was saying that a lot yesterday. Anyway, at least Virgil isn’t hacking quite as much. If there is anything, I don’t need more of… FEAR. Could I afford a doctor for Little V? I couldn’t afford one for myself. Being honest. My health grade… a D.

Must I always be thinking with my dick? Hell! I already failed this week, Lunalesca. Inevitable, was it not? But besides being horny, there’s been the heat and this hatred. These days if it hasn’t been watching for the next person to fuck me over… I make myself sound oppressed, the ideal Republican. Or what the GOP thinks about a guy like me, Lunalesca. I don’t mean to get all political today. As usual, I’m too busy being a selfish bastard to worry about the rest of the world outside. I’m tired, fucking exhausted, Luna. Ask me why I’m sitting at the dining room table again today. Besides the A/C… I paid for it and have cut it off. Waking up, an A for anger.

And after dicking around for an hour… it’s 5:50 in the morning now. I have witnessed how much of a failure I am as a human being. An F for Friday and another now, and the day has yet to begin. I’m hoping my “father” forgot about me but did that work at all Friday? So what’s the plan for today? Finances, I doubt I have time for furries, Virgil being the exception. Not that I could buy him anything even if I wanted to. Oh, next week is fucked. Anything to start putting some funds back, the pittance they are. Is writing fun? But over the next week, all there will be is FURY. My sons are better men. Virgil… V’s No Grade B

573 Days Without B III, Day 014 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

WillLeave a comment

When B was alive, besides his aunt, I only talked to the people I needed to. And that was for him. The groomer, vet, stores, crappy Day Job, etc. Now it’s been a week, and I’m teaching Virgil his name. He’ll need other people too. A B V Conversation.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I get started? I think THEY say every day is a new beginning.

I’ve faced a few this week. First time saying goodbye to a new furry kid. I got mad at him last night for stealing a chicken bone. How to start punishments? Virgil didn’t know. Such is my Republican tendency to punish someone who didn’t know. Of course, I’m the guiltiest by far. And not only for my laziness. As always, I want to fall back to sleep Lady Lunalesca. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to see a doctor. I know I’m sick. Nope, not COVID ill, but I’ve been fucked up for months. And not just from crying over Braxton. Hell! These days there have been plenty of tears and how I haven’t drowned yet is beyond me. Sweating and other things, dammit!

I haven’t made “The Long Walk” to the back of PetSmart since I picked up what remained of my son. It’s surreal, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s ashes rest on the nightstand. And on the same side, I have little Virgil breathing beside me. It’s been one whole week with him, ok? The voices continue to shout, “send him back, send him back.” A psychiatrist too, Lu? How about a priest while I’m at it? Someone to talk to that offers any type of relief, release, or rapture. Which reminds me, what about B’s aunt, since I’m no longer looking for new “best friends.” I’m in the process of teaching Virgil his own name. His middle name? There’s still no movement on that front. Running in place.

The only thing that might get me out of this bed is the promise of nachos. Since finishing the Succubus Lord series, I’ve had a craving. Oh, and for sex too. I broke on Thursday. Yeah, M Anime’s birthday. I wonder why… I’m sure I’ll be telling Lucifer someday, right? But for now, where am I going? My words are falling on deaf ears. That’s not me complaining about being a writer. What was I doing all yesterday? It wasn’t much of that at all, honest. And what will I be doing today? I have to go somewhere, and Virgil is trying for sure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m broke. What does that matter when having A B V Conversation?

566 Days Without B III, Day 007 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

WillLeave a comment

THEY say, “Go Big or Go Home.” I’ve always wanted to go big like the emu girl, a famous writer, or chicks with huge Yabbos. To be honest, staying here with B III was, as Moses put it, “All I Ever Wanted.” Now how is less becoming more? “Go Big Or B.”

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now like Seong Gi-hun, but at the moment, I could use $670.00, to be honest. And more…

Well, B is quite a lot, thank you very much. I’ll always love him, and I like dogs but Lu. All this week, I’ve been dealing with my “father.” So when it comes to big dogs, like Left Ear said, “I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it.” Hell! I’m starting late, and stuff’s already shit. But dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. Are my chills from that fear or the A/C that got repaired? If Braxton were here, it was for him. But me, I’d rather burn.

And that’s what I have been doing moneywise. I’ll have to buy a new book soon. For most of yesterday, I was busy catching up with “Until we Meet Again” by Sarah-Jane Farrell. A bit of wisdom here or there in so many words. But words matter, Lady Lu, you know. Money matters. All these books talk about looking for the signs and such. What was it, a couple of days back? I found all this change when I parked the car. What there was turned out to be enough to help me buy chicken nuggets and some fries. Braxton? Little things like that to show he’s looking out for me? Then again, how much am I spending on all the big things I want?

Last night I had a dream that I had broken… “Wet Dream?” Nope, only the fact that I had given up. What is it about Ayana of “Yellow Star.” Or Whitney Wright, or lusting for huge boobs? But speaking of Whitney Wright, I’m back on her OnlyFans for free, A sign, ha. A little word, a big dick, and I’m trying to remain in the middle. To have a sort of balance, I suppose. I swear one day, I will write down every single reason I miss my little boy. I couldn’t do that with the two books I have written (sigh). Lazy, Depressed, Here? I write so I can stay “HOME….” Lady Lunalesca, B was small. I’m trying to be. Go Big Or B

559 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t say much about the Reality Stone in the MCU. If anything, I’d be better suited to talk about Star Wars. And I could go into graphic detail about Whitney Wright in Prom Night. I wonder why? Because real life sucks, but… Let’s B In Reality or not

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means reality is what I make it to be. Say it with me, “Republican Tendencies.”

But instead, I was crying about B III this morning, to be honest. I bawl whenever I’m up at 4:00 AM… ok, 4:15 AM. I find two reasons to cry in the morning. My son or the Day Job. One I want to wake up for. The other… do I want to keep existing? Death! Perhaps that’s what King Théoden would cry out. After seeing again these almost 38 years, I have wasted my existence. Braxton’s red hairdryer monster squeaky toy, lying at the foot of the bed. At least I’m not like some “crazy” people, sleeping with my fur baby’s toy cuddled up next to me. Indeed, I’m a lot worse; a confession that’s better left to Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. What I cozied up to last night.

No wonder I dreamed about reality shows last night? It could have been all the reading I’ve been doing about the WWE women’s tag titles. I don’t want to read rumors. If anything, I don’t want to read about how I have made it this far, Lu. Contestants said quit. I mean, those many competitors told me to get off the stage and give up on it all, Luna. But do you know what saved me, Lady Lunalesca? Porn! Whitney Wright, to be specific. Lady Lunalesca, I can’t help but question why I think of a particular woman on any occasion like last night. But for sure, our dalliance was more like “The Girl Next Door.” That would be too much like my reality (snickers).

But the real world today consists of a haircut, a visit to PetSmart, and the usual errands for my survival. All for a reality I rather not inhabit. And there is a big fucking reason! Braxton Is Dead; I’ve been telling myself that a lot. Along with what happened on this day in history. Was it on the 7th? Either way, I lost the Basic Bitch, which hurts less than losing my little boy, my B III. The one thing I will claim in this world. Lunalesca, B’s life taken. And as for whatever this is (gestures at myself in bed). If this is reality… I choose to live in fantasies. The Moondust, Sick Fux, WTF! But won’t find Braxton there. Let’s B In Reality.

552 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 005 ~That’s The Willing Spirit~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, something so strong, driving me on, but I’m not the Best of the Best, as one of my motivations goes, I’m driven or perhaps possessed by the spirit of porno, talk about a god I could get behind. “That’s The Willing Spirit.”

Saturday, July 6, 2019

Log 005 ~That’s The Willing Spirit~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, so it’s crazy I’m still in bed, well this bed. At least it’s not 2 AM, and the loveseat, no not again. Another 5000 words down counting my conversation with you. I don’t know what it’s been about all this week I have been kicking Camp NaNoWriMo’s ass (LANGUAGE) but what about tomorrow? Again these days it has always been 5000 words, and I’m not going to stop now am I? There’s nothing to say about this week other than writing.

Of course, I have to get up and adult at some point like yesterday. Most of the time I am sitting in bed, typing away, is this living the dream. No, the hope is to be doing this on my private beach until my family pulls me away. I got back in touch with M Anime after blowing her off awhile. Don’t even talk to me about my inbox or cleaning the house, though the bathrooms are holding steady. I got over my anxiety enough to try out that new BBQ place, do you remember the old Piggy Potato from Jim ‘N Nick’s? I have a new favorite, but I’m only saying that because I’ll get called out for my “Uncertainty” thank you Hemingway App.

Speaking of which when we last left my runaway story, the cosplayer is in trouble. Why am I even hiding it? Her name is Sabrina Nichole. The Bitch (LANGUAGE) that shall not be named is The Director. I have Court Carmody playing her PA. So I’m back to name dropping, or I’m too tired to hide a perversion here or there. Here’s a strange thought from The Matrix. Naming a blonde, brunette, redhead as characters in my novel, you can call me Cypher ha. I don’t even need constant fireworks to keep me up, two days ago and still going. B III isn’t too happy, but I’m with him on that, fireworks creep me out something awful also. Loud noises but nothing as loud as the voices running around in my head begging to know justice. Even now, I’m not too pleased with my reality.

The Day Job, which is why I am working so hard now, I could afford to take a few days off. I keep saying that don’t I Lady Lu, but there is something stronger? You know That’s The Willing Spirit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 363 ~A New Leaf Will~

WillLeave a comment

In two more days it will have been two years since I started this blog and why did I begin again; the things we do for love; Nah the things I do because of Girls, Girls, Girls as the song goes — a New Leaf Will, not that I can turn one over

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Episode 363 ~A New Leaf Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but that’s the equivalent of the leaves on the trees. How do I come up with these ideas? Lady Luna, I spent too much time outside? If not that it was in the movie theater, learning no amount of money ever bought a second of time. It’s nice to know I’m still awake, still learning. Well, at least the second time around which brings me to today. You know Monday I will have been talking to you and the ladies for two years straight and myself.

Two years, where does the time go? Since I don’t want to go over it Monday, let’s repeat the old story. I liked some tall brunette that worked at the Day Job once upon a time. Then I said some dirty things. For example, I compared her and a friend to Brazzers and Reality Kings pornstars. For the record I miss porn. Anyway, she called me “skeevy” so I talked to you and braced for the worst. A month and some change later, she was no longer a friend and called me out on her blog. Since then, I’ve written nearly every day for these two years. Following that time, I’ve fucked myself over (Language) counting her, three brunettes. “Something, something leaves,” “The Rainbow Girl,” and “Okay.” People wonder why I want to own a whorehouse; it’s up there somewhere.”

“Some people move on. But not us… Not us” Avengers: Endgame, Steve Rogers, Captain America

In my brain, along with that angel, I’m waiting for from Heaven. All the money that will rain down on me. The roof that I want to put over B III’s head because he’ll live forever. The thing about turning over a new leaf is that they have to fall first. No Lady Lu I’m looking up, and I want to claim everything. Like before, you? Madam Justice, Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo, Dirty Diana, Lady Sophia. Only I still want to make things right with the Man in the Mirror. I’m not looking back, but up whether it be online or in my dreams. Speaking for reality though I have a yard to mow because it’s getting too high for B III. One more thing me and my son have in common. Hope, because if I don’t win PCH well, I wasted a month saying I would publish my book. Those are pages I should be turning now instead of A New Leaf Will.

I Will Have No Fear