Tag: Fear

Episode 213 ~Fanging Innocence, Not Will~

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Does the wolf ever smile, does Jason, I would be ever so much worse if I were Freddy, but I tend not to loiter on Elm Street, but a man will dream, and since I’m not grinding my teeth, this isn’t Hell but as for Heaven. “Fanging Innocence, Not Will.”

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Episode 213 ~Fanging Innocence, Not Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, it’s not by grinding my teeth in the middle of the night (more like after work), eating fast food all the time, or growling at the whole world though indifference is worse and why fear monsters, when there are always people.

My first sin is wanting to be like other people, well no I have my preferences… being the lone wolf, giving in to primal urges, and should I even mention the “Harmonic War” that’s something I haven’t thought of in a long time. Jacob Black went rogue, chased a girl that didn’t “want” him” and dare I speak “waiting” for Renesmee… probably less of a sin than wanting his body; not like that, hell I see plenty of that in erotica, and I’m not gay or skeevy, thank “The Hostage” I do mean the novel.

Let my second sin, please be that I couldn’t control my temper, punched a wall, a locker, and kicked a chair, you know, when I think I’m getting over my “aversion” for other black people, leave it to my general manager or a “stone” girl to bring back my rage. No blood from stones THEY say but is the innocent any better… Chloë Grace Moretz; beautiful, beastly, biting, might explain my mouth now, you think?

So is a third sin not thinking before I speak, zombies aren’t supposed to talk, no we only feed on the living, and for some that means brains, and even now I look at myself as being too good for that, still not writing my review of Depredation By Natalie Bennett. Now the body one more reason I want an apocalypse, a purge, a plethora of DVDs from The Innocence Of Youth collection, or the Vault Girls, little words and I have such a big mouth apparently, and my will…

No, that’s huge, my fourth sin is my pride, I think of how my grandmother would say I was full of it, and how whenever I got into trouble I expected to get away with it because I was small, silly, something no one could be bothered with, no wonder I looked for the big crimes. What is it about such a need for attention that people willingly destroy themselves or go looking for reasons to annihilate beauty, brains, and bucks, it’s almost as if we’re under a witch’s spell, so am I afraid now?

Always and never because people create monsters, werewolves, vampires, zombie’s and witches to hide their true selves but of course it’s people who are the best monsters and what am I Inspector Echo, only a man asking for forgiveness, but my “fangs” say it all; no Fanging Innocence, Not Will

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 212 ~Tooth Of Will’s Smile~

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Last week I said something about not being much of a talker and today, quite by accident I got a look in the mirror and found out why I shouldn’t open my mouth… better to smile with my eyes or even my lips. “Tooth Of Will’s Smile”

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Episode 212 ~Tooth Of Will’s Smile~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, better yet, what would I feel if I had it already, what if Publishers Clearing House rolled up right now, published a book, maybe having a publishing house one day? A smirk, a dreamy sigh, but a smile, there was a time. B III was my family, and I think about how I lived back then and what he and I needed, joy, faith, hope, of course, I call you love, but a smile wasn’t required.

Even now, my love, I can give you as many smiles as you would like, I’m sure if my firstborn weren’t eating, licking, or guarding he would wear one now, I want our children to be happy every single day. I am too but wearing a smile… THEY say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile but why do you think I’m so strong, trust me carrying a collection of grins is no easy task which is why I give them away so quickly. Maybe I want people to see this beautiful family we are, did we ever discuss the tooth fairy situation, and I go back to that quote from “Deep Down.”

“Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It’s harsh and cruel. But that’s why there’s us – champions. It doesn’t matter where we come from, what we’ve done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world is as it should be, to show it what it can be.” Angel

Is it wrong that I keep my smile from the children, again Triple B doesn’t care (developing cataracts, poor thing) but when the others are giving money to the ice cream man, imagining the story as I read to them, or wearing a mask on Halloween? Did you mind, the first time we kissed; like my B III, I can eat plenty of your cooking (the big piece of chicken) or how about waking up in the morning beside me. Now I want to hide my smile even from myself or like most things I do it differently because… yeah I know you’ll tell me not to worry when I look in a mirror and when I call you beautiful, even with my mouth it doesn’t make it any less real, your smile matters more.

Mine though, well, I still wear glasses for a reason, I wouldn’t fool around with Lasik but this is America and being a successful author, running a business, having a family, I’m happy even if the pearly whites won’t say it, but I suppose one day I’ll “try.” Can I show you what I feel without it, a requirement, to laugh, to talk, and hopefully we don’t go back to a vampire or werewolf craze though I liked Twilight, Blood and Chocolate, Underworld, and let’s not forget zombies Warm Bodies, yours and mine this is happiness, Tooth Of Will’s Smile.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 208 ~Willing Of The Story~

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The hero of your story, a motivation of mine mentions that but when’s the last time I wrote anything of value, and though I’m not reading such and such, some words that can’t be forgotten the man I was. “Willing Of The Story”

Friday, January 25, 2019

Episode 208 ~Willing Of The Story~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, now that’s a story I plan on hearing one of these days, how about writing, hell I want a movie deal, I even wrote a bit of a synopsis years ago, not for the money but more ghost in the machine, a twist on Love Machine. Not exactly an original tale, computers in love with girls or guys in love with computers, can’t say I even like the one in my head now… my brain, this morning I was reminded of the story that brought me back to my writing sadly.

Honestly, I don’t care to relive that tale, but ideas hit like that sometime; I’m sure I told you that books are potent weapons and what are we writers… arms dealers that fill up armories known as libraries. Authoritarian regimes that seek to rewrite the world in our image, that wish to rule so many souls, even if it is only the one within us, to burn the world to cinders and yet have a history of it. Almighty gods, all-powerful beings become both prince and pauper, at the end of ballpoint pens, chutes of paper, and the dick (Language yes I know) what inspires my wanton whims these days.

Villain am I none, or so I would like to believe, I didn’t fuck up at work (stop swearing), I didn’t waste another day away… a tossup between the MILF, “reading” Lolita, and watching Far Cry 5, and seeing the world descend into the Land Of Confusion. Will, the force of, the power of, iron and hell it’s not even my complete name, yeah I don’t feel so good, one of my olds is coming over and let me say that I have a case of the willies that I can’t shake for anything. XXX films aren’t helping but who says they can’t write a decent story, take erotica for example; what inspires a man to enslave the ideology, identities, and insanity of the world only to become a slave, senseless, sanity ridden, so and so in mere seconds truthfully?

That isn’t to say writers can’t be heroes, only can you call yourself that when you’re attempting to save yourself, yeah plenty of books help people, I had a self-help phase once upon a time, long forgotten unless you count my studies of Solanum. One more reason I’m a writer maybe, better to be on the cover than anywhere else because a long time ago ha I was a villain Sophia, Willing Of The Story.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 207 ~C The Word Will~

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Control, Command, Can Do attitude, the makings of a dominant am I right, though at the moment I’m a scared boy who wants a chocolate bar, some cookies, or plenty of milk… see, now how dirty was that? C The Word Will

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Episode 207 ~C The Word Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, when I’m not Willy Wonka, Will Smith, or Willow to be sure, nope I’m only Will, that is unless I have chocolate, I utter some dirty words like cunt or clit, and again I’m working on having the cash and that’s for pretty much everything.

Chocolate though; any woman that knows me has seen my preferences when it comes to women, amazingly breasted, brunettes, craving dominance in the BDSM lifestyle and then I look at yesterday’s picture. Three blondes, three with black hair and not one brunette, I read somewhere that the only constant is CHANGE and once upon a time I found myself quite smitten when it came to Asian women, and I could not begin to tell you when it became brunettes for me; give things a chance? I don’t even remember being much of a chocolate kid, taste BUDS, CHOICES or how to escape the DEVIL; I learned from the A.M.E Church.

Cunt is not as dirty a word to me as church, to be truthful, I’ve gotten more women with “naughty” words than with a word of beauty; take a look at Will Smith, I still owe him my life but I heard his rap style changed and lately I’m more a fan of Tupac. Not saying either one uses the word cunt or clit but I’ve called women, whores, and sluts and let’s not get into my novels, my courtesans…

Cash, because for damn sure I better Find A Way because Dennis Hof lived in a Candy store, and while I don’t think much of religion but the “fictional” Project at Eden’s Gate is something to see, I would never go so far to make my bread, candy, or dick hard (thank you Faith Seed). I was watching the prosperity gospel at work, and I wish that were the worst thing I did all day and yes I know I’m ruining sexy time, but I needed it last night because I keep thinking I’m going to get canned, dismissed, excused, so yeah fired. Most of my dreams predict this, and though things get bad at work I somehow get by, but maybe that’s what that dream meant, that I need to change paths. Stop eating the chocolate first snickers because the Strawberry is the best, or merely saying I can’t love a black woman besides my momma because you know I’ll Always Love My Mama.

You know I’ve always believed in the B’s and yes B III but also Babes, Biology, and Bullion, with those you control the world, but cunts, cash, and chocolate, well that commands a particular sect of humanity, so stop saying I can’t and say I Can, I AM Will and so, C The Word Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 206 ~All Greek To Will~

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Too many talking heads, too many voices, and so many versions of what happened today, not that I’m giving a detailed explanation because I would speak more gibberish and hell this isn’t Dirty Diana’s day but not mine either, “All Greek To Will.”

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Episode 206 ~All Greek To Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, work for somebody else and eventually they’ll get it, lie and make what you can or let someone play stupid, you know what they say about a fool and his money and my head has been everywhere from Jenna Foxx to the day job, and why not dream of Amandla Stenberg.

The story of my life Inspector Echo because I honestly don’t want to talk about the day I had at work, and of course I could tell about fear but why not be an ARGonaut or probably more Odysseus, being lost, facing great Scylla, or any hydra for that matter. Anyway I usually talk about my sins the first being I continue to go to the day job, and I don’t understand anything, and so if my fear is the heart of the monster, the heads are ANXIETY, REGRET, and GUILT. Anxiety is what I’m feeling the most of now, even alone in this room I know there are eyes on me, my manager watching me stumbling around like a zombie on the camera back at the store, my phone number spam central, one more Facebook friend down who probably said something like “Fuck That Guy” yes Inspector Echo, LANGUAGE.

My third sin is nursing regret, I swear I don’t want to be at the day job but who does and yet I will continue to feel regret for letting the manager down, what the Hell right, hating myself for not doing enough to hurt myself, like something out of Dogma. If that isn’t enough what about what I’m doing right now, more like who but I’m keeping it in my pants, but Odysseus lost six sailors, so six girls are making me lose control:

  1. College Princess Ava Exploited “ExCoGi”
  2. Jenna Foxx “My Sister’s Hot Friend” “I Don’t Believe You”
  3. Sabrina Nichole
  4. Melody Parker “Bipartisan Bonage”
  5. The MILF Model
  6. Amandla Stenberg “The Darkest Minds”

Now comes the guilt, if I was talking about the day job, the fourth sin, I lied, I was stupid, and as always I wasted time, and you know next to overwhelming terror yes let’s give the monster so many heads, again Anxiety, Regret, Guilt, Stupidity, Time. My fifth sin is that I know so well I can do so much worse, I’m burning, hated, horny, and huffing and puffing with my rage at myself because if there are not more horrific sins, there is such glory to be found. Six is a combination of things, my six impossible things that aren’t getting done, how about what I think about those six women, I quote Shakespeare to one today and at the same time called her a whore (yes my dirty mouth) and these hands.

Not using my greatest weapons to save myself, hell I might as well drown be it tears, sweat, some other bodily fluid because I’m no hero, I don’t understand people or myself, and for that I’m sorry; this day and age All Greek To Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 205 ~This Is Your Will~

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I’m not much of a talker, somebody thinks I should be a singer, and I guess I should get better at remembering holidays, MLK Day was yesterday, and I have a dream too that my future wife is reading these but if I could sing to her. This Is Your Will.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Episode 205 ~This Is Your Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I know it won’t be with my singing, though I’m a supporter of yours and let’s not take a survey of my musical selections except on Saturday mornings, when it’s all weird… 40’s and 50’s Nuclear Pop, Project At Eden’s Gate, etc. You can tell plenty about a man with his taste in music because I don’t ever think I’ll be quite the talkative type, especially when we’re ordering in the drive-thru or over the phone; am I a man at all sigh… like B III’s bark compared to his bite, people are surprised I suppose.

By my selections; the fact that I like to sing, and while I’m not much of a dancer, as say they, like no one, is watching and wouldn’t it be everyone else that felt like fools since I got you after all. I’m sort of in an exploratory phase when it comes to audiobooks, and I always have my Motivations Playlist “Tell Me Something Good” again, one more reason I found the courage to even talk to you. What man could say he enjoys listening to a woman all day, Ellie Goulding, Sade, and of course you baby doll, one more way to keep something beautiful in my mind honestly.

Would that make you a siren, songstress, maybe one of many Disney sweethearts, though to this day the sound of my name on your lips, has to be the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard because it comes with no illusions, you listen to me. Even when I say nothing at all because I’m going to buy you a library, be it books, blockbusters, or things for the bedroom because I want to lie here with you in the silence. Though I hope you don’t think less of me but since I was a child and like Charlie Brown I figured I’d get Hitched at some point (case and point) I love how I can lie my head in your lap, and you sing Poor Sweet Baby, I guess Triple B has something there, plenty comfy.

When I don’t wish life was a zombie movie or some other type of horror flick, I’ve always wanted it to be a rock opera or the perfect movie soundtrack, and telling you my favorite song is safer than my favorite book… Easy Street. Not enough, how about “I Love You” well we still have plenty of stuff to talk about my baby girl; come Find Me, and you know I will because in the end, This Is Your Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 201 ~Your Will Is King~

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I have dreamed a dream, and most I can’t remember, but it’s the ones that stick with me that I have to worry about, especially since I wasn’t reading this morning but writing this in my head and how they say, so let it be written… “Your Will Is King”

Friday, January 18, 2019

Episode 201 ~Your Will Is King~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, or how about staying in the black, because I wasn’t yesterday going over budget, I don’t regularly read black writers though I can say I didn’t read period when it comes to this morning, and usually my dreams are snow white. Hell, the last story I wrote with African American women… Some Assembly Required maybe, and two characters are archetypes of Alicia Keys and Zoë Kravitz, now that’s bound to tick somebody off am I right?

Now I’m nowhere near Martin Luther King Jr and already how dare I blame his birthday, my fascination with True Teen Babes or my “gift” of prophecy but I Have A Dream or had last night, and per usual, this is one of those I deem worthy of merit and fear. It was about this girl at the day job, and honestly, pickings are slim but this one girl who reminded me of Amandla Stenberg and “Rainbow” and honestly I found her so beautiful but in my dream while she was an object of lust she was also taboo. I never know what my “important” dreams mean until after the trouble, stay away from her, other black women have stirred up trouble these days, maybe my darker interests will be exposed sooner or later shudders

Not like I haven’t written about a variety of white women and as far as most black people hell Lady Sophia I might give Steve King a run for his money and maybe that’s it, my dream might be asking me am I willing to stand for my words. At this point, I have nothing to lose, or it could be telling me I’m overlooking potential, and I have learned my lesson about doing anything in the workplace, again this week I’ve lost sleep, music, friendships; be myself… I shouldn’t.

I’m a fucking horror show (Language) like Stephen King, but it felt so good Lady Sophia, long story short; I was at my grand mommy’s house, (father’s side is my grandma, mother’s side my grandmommy) anyway this was the last time I remember actively chasing little black girls. So day job girl is dancing in pajamas in the guest room, and next thing I know we’re dancing together and fall to the bed and I’m scared to move but she touches my cheek, and I touch hers and let’s say we’re moving into Dirty Diana territory but more romantic. Maybe I think I’m better than her which would be a terrible thought, but don’t I believe deep down I’m higher than most African Americans? Again horrible, and I can’t merely accept this was a dream about a pretty girl I would sleep with but my dreams Lady Sophia, I should tell the man in the mirror, Your Will Is King.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 200 ~A Willingly Lost Innocence~

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The words are still not coming easily but what can I say about myself keeping my brand of self-control but I’m not young anymore and if I had a million dollars, would I be a sugar daddy, a porno director, with a “P.Y.T.?” “A Willingly Lost Innocence”

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Episode 200 ~A Willingly Lost Innocence~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, be Paris Hilton, Farrah Abraham, or Kim Kardashian, more to the point be the guy that gets to fuck them and have I been trying to be that man lately? I’m the man struggling to stay awake most days, but losing sleep to read erotica, money for MILF tits, and so much time daydreaming about being the man, which is hard to do when you’re working in “older” style bras.

Don’t get me wrong Dirty Diana, I’m all about the moms but besides the three I know and that defining fact you know what it is about them… innocence, I know I’ve talked about this before, but that guiltless nature of theirs. I know it was only yesterday I spoke of leaving the blameless painless, but that doesn’t count in the bedroom; what is it about putting angels through Hell that gets me going? Take my porno MILF, I will call her beautiful, divine, and everything in-between, but on camera, she’s my “little whore” with her “dirty mom tits” she’s a slut and the like. Only there is something about making a holy roller say those things. Oh so willing.

On the other hand, I’ve never appreciated someone who merely accepts those things, it’s like I’m an explorer and I want to dig that out of a girl, I want to discover it, unravel it and then cover it once again in ribbon, lace, chain, and all that is myself. A man of contradiction, for example, I do want to inflict pain, but at the same time I don’t desire a masochist, I want a girl to learn to appreciate it for my sake. Once upon a time, I had this fantasy of fucking an older model and her young apprentice but what guy doesn’t have the two girls fetish for a little while right?

Yeah more like two decades, I either want the forty-year-old or the twenty-year-old, still, as always I’m a greedy bastard and prefer them both which leads me back to my original question of how to make one million, not that I’m looking for a gold digger. If it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that money can talk any man out of prison and nearly any girl into Hell but to meet that one… “True Teen Babes,” Exploited College Girls, guess that answers the old vs. young question though I watch the MILF’s videos but the concept A Willingly Lost Innocence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 199 ~Willing To Be Footloose~

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Big confessions of 2019 and I said it before but what a way to start the year; B III and I are making it though, and if only everyone knew forgiveness as he does, yeah three shots would leave anyone PO’ed what about nine? Willing To Be Footloose

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Episode 199 ~Willing To Be Footloose~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, not by hurting the innocent; you know I wrote down 365 Rules for my life, and without a doubt, I’m making more, you don’t propose at weddings, share other people’s personal lives, leave those blameless as painless, show goes on.

So my first sin Inspector Echo; I don’t like people; I think we are long overdue a plague of some sort but that being out there, life sucks enough for me not to fuck it up for others (Language) so silly me wanting to integrate myself to the masses and in so doing losing music. Monday I took over the speaker at work, keep in mind, one guy has run it for months, but I put on my playlist and come Tuesday, we are no longer allowed to listen with it… am I taking it too personally like always, perhaps?

My second sin, of course, comes from the guilt I feel, the shame, and everybody knows this is my fault, it has to be, I haven’t felt like this since I wrote a bit of poetry to a girl and a line from Twilight which nearly got me fired. Maybe I am growing some, remember when I got a ticket and was ready to kill myself before my father got to and if I lost my job… next sin, I’m not dead, but I believe in The Walking Dead, not only the show Inspector Echo.

I’m nearly ready to become a prepper for zombies, my friends know me so well, and that’s my fourth sin, I LIED to them about certain things, and I don’t lie unless my life is on the line and in this instance, it wasn’t, merely my pride. Doesn’t explain my fifth sin, to my best friend, my son, how his father can spend more on a woman than on his well-being, “B III” has gone to the vet twice and I spent more to see some tits (Watch Your Language).

Now we have my sixth sin, right out of the book 1984 you know the concept of “Doublethink” how I can consider a woman both a Madonna and the Whore in the same moment. Sin Seven is you pay a whore, and at least Braxton isn’t alone in my wasteful spending because I won’t buy new boots for myself, I can but I won’t because I’m Scrooge and so I listened to two co-workers laughing at me, so for eight I have begun tuning out the world even more so.

Nine and I have so much more to say, but this is only a symptom of a bigger problem, I’m Wasting Time, sleeping, playing The Walking Dead, sipping a cappuccino, and now I’m Run Boy Run these days, forgive me Inspector Echo; Willing To Be Footloose.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 198 ~Cold Outside, Willing Approval~

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I don’t need your approval, what I tell myself daily and part of that is because everyone has already agreed to the man they see now and God help me if I decide to change or if some girl likes what she sees in me. Cold Outside, Willing Approval.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Episode 198 ~Cold Outside, Willing Approval~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, though I can think of scarier questions, the first time I asked you out, will you marry me, how am I going to drive to the hospital during the winter months in the dark… praying for a summertime baby. I saw a movie once where this man said that a man doesn’t have to run around a woman, he tells her how things are, another man says he looked in the mirror and consulted with himself.

You know me baby-girl, or maybe you don’t, I’ll look at you longer than any mirror, my favorite thing on dates are movies, and of course, on Saturday mornings, lying here with you for two hours, maybe an hour, kids willing, listening to “Nuclear Pop.” Where does such a love come from, for you, our children, for dystopian societies and if I go by the logic of my first born “B III” I would say it was the moment I realized I was more scared of knowing you, terrified that anything outside could take you away, that I would have to explain everything. You see, you’re here, you see me when I can’t stand to look at myself, hear me when I run out of words from music, movies, and how many musings this year; is that the definition of love, being accepted for who you are, not needing approval?

How about forgetting who you are, and becoming what someone needs you to be, some Detroit Become Human right but no music today My Love, okay maybe a little but I go to work, and all day people are more than willing to accept me as they would have me but let me show them who I am? I’m done being the son my parents never wanted and as for your parents; as traditional as I am I would ask your father’s blessing but not his permission, I’m not looking for an alliance with France since taking French in high school. Having a daughter of our own, will I hope she finds a man like me… that’s why I want to be the man you need and every day I want to ask someone, anyone am I him, who approves?

It’s cold outside or don’t you believe me; Someday it won’t matter because as I begin every day, how to make one million dollars, fifty million, billion, five hundred billion but I’m not greedy and would the world approve of a man like me? At the end of the day you chose, the man you see before you, that you want, need, believe in, and love and It Doesn’t Matter what anyone else thinks because it’s Cold Outside, Willing Approval.

I Will Have No Fear