Tag: Life

Log 124 ~The Intercision Of Will~

WillLeave a comment

When you get two notices from Norton in two weeks, you don’t want to trust anybody, and what about other decisions, it’s like I’m being ripped apart, cut to ribbons, and my little Dæmon is exhausted with my lack of choices. The “Intercision” Of Will.

Saturday, November 2, 2019

Log 124 ~The Intercision Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I don’t want to lie to you. I want to be honest as not to add negative vibes to the universe. Well, that was fun while it lasted. I only had to reread the title once more. Yes, My Lady, the negativity starts early, which explains why I’m so late this morning in our conversation. Today’s problem stems from my indecision, but didn’t I write “Intercision?” Not a fan of the series “His Dark Materials,” well neither am I, the show I mean until December. It starts on November 4th.

Do you know that song “1st of Tha Month,” it’s when I like to pay my bills, then or the end. So I said I was going to sign up for HBO so I could start watching His Dark Materials and maybe Game Of Thrones. Again I’m late, and I’m also a coward or a Scrooge. Take your pick. Next, we have No Nut November, that I’ve lost twice thanks to my habit of Alliteration. Yes Lady Lu I’m blaming English, and also well I better make a LONG list:

  1. Kagney Linn Karter in Delinquents (2010)
  2. Misha Cross in A Whirlwind Of Wickedness! (Jimslip)
  3. Cherry
  4. Sansa Stark, Arya Stark from GOT

Well, not that long, but the Stark sisters remind me of my NaNoWriMo novel, presently untitled. I’m even bringing back Prometheus from “Apocalypse Rush” and of course, the protagonist. Damn (LANGUAGE) might as well be Taki Minase from Bible Black. Arya or rather Maisie Williams will be the love interest. Finally, I need to create a cult that worships the idea of the fear of time, does that make sense.

No, I didn’t think so, but somehow I can come up with a fake world quicker than deciding on my life. I wanted to upgrade one of my drives, but that’s because I want more porn to fit. Why bother to attempt to finish out the month. Here we go again with my problem making any one decision. My little Dæmon is lying here as exhausted as his human. Let’s see how long I keep calling my Firstborn that, see if it takes. If anything, I feel separated from myself, and since I did 4,600 words yesterday I could afford rest. Now the answer is no, though, but you know with The Intercision Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 123 ~Writing To The Will~

WillLeave a comment

With all this writing on the brain, I didn’t have time to mention two of my greatest fears this morning; one more thing to be grateful for, but I’ll see how I feel around 10:00 AM only then I should find myself lost to my words. “Writing To The Will”

Friday, November 1, 2019

Log 123 ~Writing To The Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and still, I say to you, Happy NaNoWriMo. If I had all the money in the world, my writing isn’t going anywhere. Yes, I heard what I said, and with the chance of sounding like Trump, you know what I mean. I’m like Finn from Great Expectations, that’s the 1998 movie for those paying attention. Do you know how long I gave up writing only to come back to it? Well, this morning an hour late but Eric Thomas wakes up at 3:00 AM. My motivations say to wake up at 4:00 AM and to start the day with gratitude so.

I’m grateful that I haven’t awoken to an Ant Invasion. You know me far too well, Lady Sophia, the BUT is that it hasn’t been twenty-four hours even. In the kitchen, there’s already a box of ant killers, and I ordered more. Now that leads me to more gratitude as in Chinese food delivery and Walmart shopping. Okay, but I’m spending even more money because I don’t want to get it myself ever. I already told you it’s NaNoWriMo season, so why am I looking at a copy of Fallout 4? Today I’m expecting Far Cry 5, and you know I get Motion Sickness. Speaking of sickness, I’m thankful for non-recurring payments. Teen Starlet cut off my access, yay. Of course, they did that while I was in the process of downloading one more girl. Fifty-Nine in total, so I got most of who I wanted, so plenty of inspiration.

So like those witches, I started to talk about, but that was in another novel. What about the one I should be writing after our conversation. Whenever I decide to leave temptation, hell, I could have gotten a lot more sleep. Strangely that’s what this story might be saying. Only a little less sleep and a lot more Chronomentrophobia. Why is everyone I write about so much smarter, stricter, and even sexually adept? Am I trying to tell myself something? I say that about my dreams all the time, and last night it was about a marriage. Indiana Gone was also in it and a bag of Mesquite Barbecue Chips. Her faith and all the junk food I’m going to need to get this done. How about characters, protagonist, doctor, love interest, someone else, etc.

SIGH, Writing To The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 121 ~Comes From Week Willed~

WillLeave a comment

We’re only midway through the week, and instead of wanting everyone else to shut up, for once, I’m inclined to take my advice; okay yeah, people at the Day Job still talk too much. Come From Week Willed, the need for communication

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Log 121 ~Comes From Week Willed~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, my daily, weekly, hell 365 thought. It’s a sin that I’m not doing more to make it happen, indeed living it at all. Inspector Echo it’s like I tell everyone at the day job, “Another Day” am I going to look up “RENT” the musical? We’ll get to everything I’ve been looking up. Why the delay? Now that’s the biggest sin for the middle of the week, me and my big mouth. I know I’m usually so late talking to you and the other girls. It is far better to keep everything in, but right now?

The more things change, the more they stay the same “THEY” preach. Do you remember how I got started, I found out Kaelin from TTB had passed away? Next thing you know, TTB takes away her sets, but she had a few on Teen Starlet. So as we speak, I’m downloading as many girls collections that remain; so far, 42 girls, not even half. How do I expect to get NaNoWriMo done? Well, my subscription ends tomorrow, and NaNoWriMo begins Friday. I have no inkling what to write about, and I’m still upset about my T-Shirt. Am I one to be talking about clothes or women now. The past two days, I’ve snapped at two. I haven’t heard from Indiana Gone in days. Out of the blue, I realized I haven’t spoken to “Okay.” Now what about Cherry, well damn.

A greater man than me once said: “(Will) shut the fuck up” (LANGUAGE). Don’t get me wrong, Inspector Echo, the Basic Bitch, was right. I was skeevy; I still hate that word honestly. MILF Dos stripped for me and said dirty things but didn’t like how I talked to her. The Rainbow Girl was right; I can be scary though I was nothing but kind to her. Now we have Cherry that says I’m repeating everything; other guys say wanting to get into her panties. Officially, Inspector, I don’t know how to talk to women, NEWSFLASH. No wonder I’m working on my porno collection, well modeling whatever. My tongue is weak, and my fingers are much too fast. Why do you think I want the Dead to march, or yearn for a world like A Quiet Place? My motivations today were talking about imagining what you want but saying it?

Sorry, Comes From Week Willed.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 120 ~The Will Of Disney~

WillLeave a comment

You know I like Disney, even though they got Star Wars as a part of their “New Empire” yes I quoted Anakin, sue me and I’m sure they would, but again I’m a Disney Fan, and there is plenty of love there. The Will Of Disney or maybe “Wheel Of Destiny.”

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Log 120 ~The Will Of Disney~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s Disney worth nowadays. The idea of bringing such happiness and joy to people is astounding. Let me count the ways you do such things to me, My Love. So perhaps I should envy you, and no, I won’t quote that song from Jay Z.

What I mean is you know my business dealings. I pride myself on being an “Adult Disneyland.” That’s something else I’ve been thinking about only recently. How these wives never seem to know their husbands.

Lord Of War was one thing, Daniel LaRusso and his wife is another. You know I idolize Dennis Hof, and “THEY” called him “The P.T. Barnum of Booty.” He didn’t lie to his women, and I won’t lie to you. Okay, not the best example, noted, but these men did what they loved and loved who they loved. I love you, and I want to see you happy. So today, I’m going through my playlists (big surprise), and I have one devoted to Disney. You know one of my best friends got married in an all-round Disney affair. I hope I make her proud because I told her I would get married when the Dead walked the Earth. One more reason I love you baby girl, you chose me before any zombie apocalypse. Anyway, I keep getting off-topic, so I keep listening to these songs.

I Just Can’t Wait To Be King, Prince Ali, and (sniffles) God Help The Outcasts. Now my motivations often speak of the “willingness” to serve, to help others. I think of you, how sometimes I should shut up and Kiss the Girl. Love, I want to show you A Whole New World. The man that I want to be for you; I look in the mirror (gasps), and I say to myself, “He Lives In You.” Hell, anything beats the old slave mentality I have at the Day Job, Zip- A- Dee-Doo-Dah. You’re the type of woman who is the perfect example of Lesson Number One for our girls. I am a father, but I want all our kids to know like “our” Firstborn, You’ve Got a Friend in Me, or a Friend Like Me ha. It’s safe to say we will visit Disneyworld and Disneyland and not only for Star Wars; another gasp, lovely.

To be a good man, yours, The Will Of Disney.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 119 ~Happiness Is Just Being Yourself~

WillLeave a comment

Am I happy today, this second, nope, but I’m still glad; I’m finishing up today, there is food in the freezer, my kid is resting, TWD reactions are badass, and I’m not all horny, the thing is I believe. Happiness Is Just Being Yourself

Monday, October 28, 2019

Log 119 ~Happiness Is Just Being Yourself~

Hundred And Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but does that make me happy? Sometimes I like to think I’m different from other guys, and then I talk to Cherry or MILF Dos. How many mornings has it been where I’ll say I’ll do better? Well, it’s 5:00 PM, and I’m not reading but talking to you. I don’t mean that as an offense, but I should be elsewhere. Hell, I never thought I would make it this far. I hate that it bears repeating, but I’m not suicidal. Today’s lyrics would be, “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad,” true.

Take, for example, last night, SIGH; I broke my NO FAP rule. Call me crazy, anything but happy, but a woman saying, “I want you to feel me cum on your dick” (LANGUAGE). I know today isn’t Thursday, but that was my unfurling. Sometime this afternoon, I was talking to Cherry about old journals. You remember I wrote some hateful stuff once upon a time and got arrested, Juvenile Detention. Of course, the porno, which is the last journal I showed her, didn’t do me any favors. I might as well be like those guys that send “penis portraits.” I remember what I would write to the Basic Bitch “Skeevy” and even when I tried to be kind like to the Rainbow Girl. The cops have a point; I have the right to remain silent or not considering the company.

There is a song that says, “happiness is a warm gun” let’s not go down that road, though. Sex makes me happy, no doubt. You want me to be happy myself, books, brothels, and bucks. The only three B’s more vital to me belong to my Firstborn. How many times do I need to say it, I want to live the life of Dennis Hof. I could go through quite a few names, but wouldn’t they all be sex icons? My motivations though talk often enough of being happy this very moment. I would be satisfied if I weren’t checking my phone every second of the day. Now didn’t that start in September, perhaps? The thing is, worrying, obsessing, fearing, is all I am. So if these things don’t make me happy, then I don’t like myself wouldn’t you say?

I am trying like hell though Madam Justice, to be a man worthy of happiness. Happiness Is Just Being Yourself.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 118 ~Will, You’ve Eight Enough~

WillLeave a comment

One weekend it was so many miles, and this weekend it was so many downloads, and I was only hoping for eight hours of sleep, and when I got that well, it still wasn’t enough; I’m so greedy. Will, You’ve Eight Enough

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Log 118 ~Will, You’ve Eight Enough~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as always, you want more. Today’s first question has to be, why wasn’t eight hours enough. Be honest, at least seven, Cherry is a pretty girl, and that’s that. Speaking of beautiful girls how about this weekend’s current project? Twenty-One girls so far, and that’s not even close to the whole archive. There’s another collection, what about NaNoWriMo, novels, and t-shirts. Yeah, you’re still angry about losing that t-shirt while traveling.

I would say you should sleep on it but eight hours? You have to take better care of yourself, especially to make it through NaNoWriMo. Hell, I had two days, and I couldn’t carve a path through all those emails. What about reading? Dale Carnegie is pretty damn wise (LANGUAGE), but are you? If anything, you’re tired, tense, and tempted. Can’t you say you’re only sick like you’re Firstborn, this weather? You won’t even turn on the heat because you fear another ant invasion and with how you’ve been working lately? Did you forget about Indiana Gone’s wedding gift and birthday present? How about you stop trying to get Cherry to take her clothes off? There’s also the idea of attempting to entice MILF Dos. Your head’s not full of rocks but coins and what about the little head in keeping with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

What does it take to be #1, trust me it’s not looking at porn all day? Dennis Hof had brothels full of ladies, this weekend you have a file. Oh, should we talk about data? Any day now, you’re expecting another email from Norton? What about work having to sign up for HEALTH benefits. Now living this way, no doubt, is pretty brutal, and let’s not talk about any medical problems. Okay, this is the third time you’re mentioning Cherry, but if she isn’t effecting one head, it’s the other. You can’t go into work and talk because you know where that will lead you? Accept the inevitable, how close are you to that principle. Why not try gratitude? You’re not hungry you’re only tired? Every moment when your hands aren’t elsewhere, SIGH. You’re getting things done, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

It’s somewhat like rehab, and you know people who have survived that so another week maybe? You don’t have that kind of time now. Fifty thousand words, I hope you enjoyed; Will, You’ve Eight Enough.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 117 ~Will’s Week Of Worries~

WillLeave a comment

I didn’t make my bed today, but strangely enough, I made it to the loveseat and have been sitting here ever since wondering why anyone would want to steal my throne, some T and A as Ice Cube puts it maybe. “Will’s Week Of Worries”

Saturday, October 26, 2019

Log 117 ~Will’s Week Of Worries~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now and not white, so still, I worry. Okay, so I don’t mean to get all racial out the gate. Even at this stage in the game, I would give anything to have peace of mind. Of course, you know what that means, like last night, porn. Well, more so modeling and not mine but Teen Starlet. I’ve also been testing out DVDs and computer games, The Eternal, Casual Romance Club, Virgin Roster. Cherry is probably sick of me wanting to see her naked, but this week.

Last week I was in Rockford, Illinois, getting ready for Indiana Gone’s wedding. You know that old saying about spilled milk and all, but I do regret not dancing with her still. At least all that kept me from a huge concern? What, 1500 miles, getting lost, laughed at, loser noticed wasn’t terrible? Of course, my Firstborn is always a major worry. Not to sound like Alpha but, he’s my son, he’s my baby. The Day Job is a mix of hating everyone and listening to Dale Carnegie. We could talk about money Lady Lu. I’m only now beginning to rebuild, and what about next year. Oh, what about when I asked A&W about our co-worker he is always hanging with these days. There’s also Little A, who I didn’t have the nerve to tell him to “Fuck Off” (LANGUAGE). He gets the point because he did so anyway. Welcome to my life Lady Lu.

Should I be welcoming someone else? You remember while I was on my journey I got an alert from Norton, I got another yesterday. How I wish life were a video game with the danger music so I would know. Well, I guess I’m getting that, but I don’t know what began the alert. It could be my traveling, the same reason I don’t go to the library anymore. I look up plenty of “stuff & thangs” but who, what, when, where, and why. How about somebody wanting to see sexy girls, and here I am paying for “porn” ahem models. It’s a fearful time Lady Lu, but I haven’t noticed a change in anything. If it is a paying service, what was the delay? You know I’ve wished I was dead a million times, but I’ll be damned if somebody steals my life (LANGUAGE).

Whoa, Will’s Week Of Worries.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 116 ~Those Who Will Tell~

WillLeave a comment

Last week around this time, I said I had no energy to tell my story because it was merely a cloud of fear surrounding me, and even sitting in bed back where I belong, there is still so much. Those Who Will Tell because it might not be me anymore

Friday, October 25, 2019

Log 116 ~Those Who Will Tell~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not a snitch. Now how I wish I knew where that no snitching rule came from anyway. How did I understand the meaning of the term BLACKMAIL by the time I was in first grade? Is this a terrible time to mention it’s one of my favorite genres in Hentai?

Well, no but then again the facts speak for themselves. Shusaku, Eisai Kyoiku, Kojin Taxi/Sex Taxi, The Blackmail Tomorrow Never Ends, etc. Okay, I’m calming down, today isn’t Friday, but I don’t dictate life. Only isn’t that precisely what I’m trying to do being a writer and all. I heard recently “They say life is a bitch, yeah, I know her.” Of course, that explains 90% of what I write if I’m indeed generous. So I have been too much for sharing recently. Hell, I even talked to my “father” a day or so ago about my Ma and her panicking. It’s hard to give words to those that refuse to listen, though I should adopt that NO attitude with more than my son. It wouldn’t help with what I’ve been going through recently, but that’s indeed why I write. Yes, too much, Lady Sophia.

Another email from Norton, I would feel flattered if I was more than a zero. I would tell whoever to quote another song, “It’s not easy to be me.” Every day I’m still learning about the man I am. Do I need to pull out all the reasons that I write? Winston Smith in 1984, talks about getting out his internal monologue. Maybe something to that effect. Nothing I could say will wash away the horrors I keep everywhere. Still, I desire the opportunity to explain rather than have a picture be my possible finale.

For example, if you look at me now, an old man typing in bed. My Firstborn is asleep on my knee while I’m surrounded by Hentai DVDs mostly. Yeah, I had to look up The Blackmail, and for a moment I thought it was lost or stolen. Now Lady Sophia, that’s the whole point of me “coming clean” tonight. It feels like the stories I want to tell are the targets of thieves. The hours I spend at the Day Job, some unknown hacker, the time I sleep away. Meanwhile, What am I publishing, not a damn thing, and I was too lazy to call (LANGUAGE). Those Who Will Tell

I Will Have No Fear

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

WillLeave a comment

Here in my car, I feel frightened of all; even with my locked doors, I might not even live; yeah, that’s a song I don’t know really, let alone an attempt to rewrite, but at least I wasn’t driving all over today. Will Did It Highway yep

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Log 114 ~Will Did It Highway~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and I’ll never drive again. Yes, I’m being dramatic and lying, but its been touch and go for a while. Back to the matter at hand, though, October 16, a day where I am surprised I lived. Inspector Echo, that was my first time driving on the highway in years. How’s that for a confession? Now, of course, I’ve been on the highway. My “father” taking me to get the car, The McWane Science Center trip with Indiana Gone “Star Wars.”

Anyway, driving on the highway; not since I was back in high school, do you know how many years that was. What’s my age again, as the song goes? Okay, to get to Indiana Gone’s wedding, it was fourteen hours avoiding my fear or ten and a half going headlong. Hell, do I love that woman, she would probably say yes I do. I can’t say I have any other IRL friends. “Okay,” is not speaking to me, and I’m always trying to see Cherry’s boobs. My Firstborn is having a tantrum; what did they have him sleeping on there? I don’t risk my friends’ lives and besides the most depressing drive is getting to work every day. Who needs the highway when my Day Job is killing me daily? I don’t even need the car to get to that bit of Hell. Still isn’t that the dream, staying home.

I realized only now that I checked the mailbox and didn’t have any tickets. Last week earlier today, I almost crashed into someone. I left early Friday morning, but you know I’m an old man, a blind one, I could have been a dead one. You know I always want to limit lives lost. Didn’t I say that the word “MERGE” ranks right up there with Stupid and Happy? Indeed, I was grateful whenever Siri said for some hundred miles to keep straight. Of course, that didn’t account for gas breaks; how many close calls did I have? Even when I got to the hotel, I took a left instead of a right because I had so much anxiety, and I was exhausted. What about the humiliation of my mother calling when they ran my card in Rockford? More on that Friday I suppose Echo.

For now, I’m sorry I was so afraid, but yes Inspector Will Did It Highway.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~

WillLeave a comment

I’m still looking at the man in the mirror and seeing how anxiety has warped me to several degrees; I can only imagine the smile I could wear on my face, like when I saw my friend in love and happy. Can’t Hurry Love Will

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Log 113 ~Can’t Hurry Love Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not enough love? Now I don’t want to be my father. I’ve said before; love is not a prize. It’s not a timestamp. Love doesn’t come with a price tag. It scares me; sometimes, I don’t know how to love you enough. You’re scared that I don’t love myself. I have my rules 4 & 5 talking about hate keeping you alive. The next, love is worth dying for, which I understand. You know my past, for want, lack, ability love has nearly ended me plenty. I’m still standing.

Brandy sang almost doesn’t count, the song goes. I’m always in music, aren’t I? Funny, I can hear everything, and yet when you say it, baby girl? My “former” boss would say, in one ear and out the other. It’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be; that’s from a song and movie. I should focus more on myself, though. You know, to me, that sounds selfish. I say it often though, I share it with you, and I’m also pretty shallow. Should I apologize, shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, should I share more. All of the above is why it took me so long to find you. Twenty seconds of insane courage is nothing. I’m still bragging about the 1500 miles I traveled for a friend. In a drawer, I have bills for hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for my Firstborn. Now didn’t I say, love is not a price tag baby doll?

No, love is those moments I head out the door, and I call to him. Not “I love you” or “make good decisions.” I’m like the Terminator “I’ll Be Back,” and I spend every waking moment focused on doing that only. Again and I can’t say it enough, every Saturday I lie here with you for a few hours, and listen to the world end. My nuclear pop music, some TWD gaming, Youtube reactions; you are my Heaven. So what about the other six days: I build the life I love, but I want to share it with you always. I might have spoken to you about my “former” job when I stood up for myself nearly “fighting.” I loved myself regardless of anyone else.

Love’s distance; the bed to mirror; Can’t Hurry Love Will.

I Will Have No Fear