Tag: Past

Episode 244 ~Scared Will, Theories Told~

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I should keep my “Wisdom” to myself, but I didn’t break my hands, my throat though goes from itchy to Aww Hell and wouldn’t that be the best punishment for someone like me, to tell stories to no one ever. Scared Will, Theories Told

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Episode 244 ~Scared Will, Theories Told~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, as I dare to call myself a writer, an easy mistake to make, again and again. I could take being the one to find out how the world found its conclusion, all its shapes, and forms.

With everything on my mind recently, I had this theory at the Day Job about the Mark of The Beast. Now I am still not a religious man, but they say the mark will be seen in our right hands today. Yes, there are left-handed people but think about it, our phones. I wrote before about how “THEY” say people care for their phones more than their children. The flesh of our flesh and hell on B III’s Birthday I was a slave to mine, it knows everything. The mark will also find homes on our foreheads, worse, in our brains. How much does Spotify understand about me, how much social media, XVideos or PornHub?

Less these days I know, but another idea is that one life can change the world. I also believe in zombies, aliens and for the past week again I am Prometheus. Is it the heart today or my privates, for now, I’m not getting a “stiffy.” If I get a hard on somebody’s going Lorena Bobbitt on my behind, if I open up my heart, that’s a snack. So either way, I’m pushing a stone up a hill much like Sisyphus. My happiest decisions nowadays are me carrying the world on my shoulders like Atlas. I call a girl pretty, that’s a block. If I see a girl on Twitter, deleted, and if I decide to shrug off having any desire, I’m nothing at all.

What’s with Titanomachy and me, do I see such wisdom in the Greeks. Well the gods defeated the Titans, and again Christianity hasn’t done me any favors, so why did I leave; “WHY” I asked why. God says come as you are and you’ll be born again, but I don’t like that guy either. Why do I want the BDSM Lifestyle? Now that’s too big a subject; I wrote the most beautiful things for the worse men. So they could end up with “innocent” angels.

As you can see these days, women run away. Still to meet one that walks into a cage, chain, or collars willingly and doesn’t want to leave? My childhood, I wrote my name and asked my aunt what I wrote, and I’ve been asking women ever since permission. Like my seventh “birthday” when I said What The Hell instead of “What in tarhooties?!” Well ever since then I’ve traveled a “Fury Road” of people, yet I commit more sins every day unfailingly. Muttering “I’m Sorry” eternally Scared Will, Theories Told.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 238 ~Will The Man Rise~

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I don’t want to feel anything, in this world it’s wrong for men to know anything else besides rage and no I won’t be my “father,” but crying makes me a girl… wow, and my other emotions make me a stalker, pervert, monster. Will The Man Rise?

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Episode 238 ~Will The Man Rise~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, ask the big questions like are Clone Troopers Eunuchs? I tell you I have no idea where your ideas come from man, but it’s not like I can do any better “I thought I had a chance.”

Will the man rise, maybe never, this whole life is nothing but war. Already you hear a thousand voices crawling through the woodwork. Talking about your gifts, greatness, and generosity; you know too many girls.

Girls, Girls, Girls and all it takes is one to have you feeling like “Grey Worm” to make you Unsullied. Surprised, maybe you should give “Game Of Thrones” a chance but anyway Grey Worm did win Missandei. No, my boy, love isn’t for you, attraction, attitude, an idea of twenty seconds of insane courage. It’s gone over twenty hours. You’ve kicked yourself two hundred times. Only it wouldn’t even matter if you were two thousand miles, you’re nothing, Six Impossible Things

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Will, The Man, rise, you don’t like you, and I don’t want you. Still some men like you to be the butt of jokes, to open your mouth, so they look less stupid, to lend a hand. Can you be any more gay, monstrous, brotherly?

Contradictions, of course, it sure as Hell hasn’t been Pussy Galore. You might as well be a Jem’Hadar who lives only to serve. Yes, your diet consists “mostly” of porn and God help you if you leave that behind. Speaking of gods that’s the rub, you know. They are constantly changing and ever since Friday you haven’t looked to any girl at all. You’ve reached that stage where she makes you so worthless that you must focus, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Will “The Man” Rise, as the song goes “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Only nobody wants to believe that he gave into male urges. Hell he surrounded himself with twelve guys, Joseph had a wife, but no sex and you’ve never heard of God’s wife and then nuns?

Might as well be dead and I know that’s how you feel. No, you’re not going to kill yourself over some girl, but better a Walker than “Incel.” One more word you had to look up ha and yeah you would “eat” women and plenty of guys would have you “suck” something am I right. If anything it’s better if you follow B III’s example, if you see a pretty girl, you run like Hell. If you have urges, use your toy, work on expanding your territory or sleep all day. Sooner or later, like him, you have to ask, now Will The Man Rise?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 231 ~The Last Smile Will~

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Some people make plans of how they’ll change the world, I have to find ways to shrink, don’t smile, keep your hands busy so they don’t become fists, new playlists to keep me centered. The Last Smile because how did one so many years ago turn out

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Episode 231 ~The Last Smile Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, be that kid you were once before; Glen Iris Elementary School. When you had a good head on your shoulders. Yes, I know you are taking responsibility, only remembering facts. Teeth on stairs, bat on the jaw, “father’s” voice in your head bouncing around those white walls.

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” ― Iron Mike Tyson

Hell, you didn’t even have a plan back then, you were merely HAPPY … now that’s a word for you. Last week with every conversation you’ve had with the girls you feel worse, hurt more and get uglier by the day. You think if you lost your job tomorrow; if the world comes crashing down that, there is no way you would recover. Because everything you utter, if anything would make your smile perfect. Compared to this madness? Think positive, yeah that’s those few seconds of ecstasy you feel, glaring at some girl’s tits. This week it was a cosplayer though last night it was the MILF’s curves. This morning you’ve forgotten which girl and speaking of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

How many times must this be repeated, as much as this list, at least you’re looking at a 17.5 F but anyway. The greatest thing in life is to be loved, if not be liked, barring that, respected. If not, invisible, and if the human race won’t this small thing allow, be feared. Strange you never thought about TRUST. That’s a big word for a Dominant like yourself and why you live in fear of letting that monster out. So you stay in the invisible, sounds like that cult mantra from The Purge but there’s no final release only more pain. Anger, Rage, Hatred, that’s why you don’t bother. Because you could walk around with the perfect smile, and the world would look at you like what? You’re nothing, and then when you are acknowledged. You want to be the joke, a father, a Dominant or these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Maybe you should change the question. From How To Make One Million Dollars, to how to make yourself smile Will. Not that you will because you have six months left, to get that million, half a year wasted. Sounds a lot better than; even your age makes you feel ashamed. Better that, than some girl’s tits, horror story, or any other purpose you can dream. Your motivations continue to say everyone’s goal is to be happy, don’t look back, but what makes you feel that. Like this list, you can’t even remember you only grin and bear it, the gnashing of teeth. One day you will smile again; back then wasn’t The Last Smile Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 181 ~Will Sticks The Landing~

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I can’t stand it, the waiting, the hoping, even the falling is a tad too exhausting for my taste but if one wants the gold… it sounds like I’m going for the Olympics, all the writing I’ve done where could I go wrong. Will Sticks The Landing

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Episode 181 ~Will Sticks The Landing~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you step, you leap, fly, fall, and you trust that your feet will find the ground and today, my heart is in my throat. My eyes are on heaven, and while yes I’m sitting on my ass, one day it may be on the throne, it might be the movies, how about my loveseat? Better than being on my stomach, crawling like a slug, and we both know what else I could be doing but no, as one of my motivations goes, I don’t care if I fail, I’m gonna try.

Yes, I still hate that word, today I was studying one such attempt, and what happened there, she’s married and happy with someone else, and she’s still an acquaintance of mine if you can believe that. Like authors I have never met, a man who writes every day, and a dozen or so internet pages that I’ve skimmed through, the past few hours, telling me the same thing but what else can I do. Again it doesn’t matter, I’m afraid, I could end up losing the “Rainbow Connection” which of course is my theme for this course of action, I’ll get the gold, I’ll enjoy, the beautiful colors, I’ll survive, but I’m going to say

Rainbow Girl,
It’s been quite a while since we were chasing the gold together at work and being honest you were my silver lining those days; if you could have seen me “blush,” how I looked forward to your hair choices more than the sun, a man couldn’t call in sick if he knew you’d be around. However, that smile of yours, the thought of you, who has time for the blues, then again fireworks, stars, and of course the rainbow, so allow me to reach higher and higher still. If I may ask would you go out with me, or as the song goes What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t imagine a better way to end the year and begin the next than in your company BLANK.

Happy New Year
Will

Dominant how; I’m sure Indiana Gone and Okay will laugh at this because I’m a guy that needs their input on this and honestly do I care that much, but on the other hand I’m always topping my worst thing I’ve ever written so progress. Isn’t that what I should be doing in all areas but talk about backward, delving into the past, the definition of insanity but there is only one direction after all so… Will Sticks The Landing.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 088 ~Innocent Until Proven Willing~

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They say boys will be boys but to hell with anybody telling me that, I was never the typical boy, and if you say I’ve grown up, well watching the news counts for something and what are my secrets. Innocent Until Proven Willing ha!

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Episode 088 ~Innocent Until Proven Willing~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How to make One Million Dollars, become a Supreme Court Justice but who and I to judge… well I don’t drug women for starters, I wrestled with one playfully, and when she told me to stop I did, and “Lolicon” has always rubbed me the wrong way. I know a woman who’s into DDLG and other than pretty dresses I consider myself well, not precisely a daddy dom but if I were, I’m more DDMG or DDBG, so you know Diana.

Now why do I bring this up, because I know the difference between reality and fiction, I don’t have any need to bury my past, and as fucked up as my game is, I have my dominant side and don’t have to make excuses or convince people I’m not “evil.” Now that woman I told you about, she’s sweet, smart, and Somebody’s Baby but she joked with me about her fiancé like something out of “The Girl’s Guide of Depravity” because she’s horny, but he’s waiting until their wedding, so she wanted to rev him up with drugs. So I brought up this scene from Revenge of the Nerds between Lewis Skolnick and Betty Childs about how he tricked her into, but because she was into it, he got off with doing what he did.

Maybe today is about me attempting to justify my perversions; I read the works of this one author Roosh V, is he a racist, well I haven’t learned enough but is he a rapist, not that I know of because he said a girl would let you get away with such if she likes you or rich Mr. Trump? Then we have Brett Kavanaugh, did he do it, I don’t know but having Trump in your corner, demonizing a woman who has nothing to gain, and having people explain you were a kid when actual children get shot for nothing, and Bill Cosby getting locked up doesn’t help. It’s also not helping that a group of men only salivate to hear the sordid details like something out of Silver Linings Playbook but here’s the thing, stories about drunken parties, running trains on girls, sexy costumes, consensual questions, get me off.

Let me reiterate that I know the difference between fact and fiction, consent and illegal, but the stories Dirty Diana, I have this one fantasy about a friend who filmed herself drunk and I imagine her first time being “taken” or this MILF I know and this witchy costume… How about “Of Inner Demons,” “Vault Girls,” or this fetish for clothing, I want to search for one particular piece but the stories of why… one day we will talk about the Ravishment fantasy, but today I’m Innocent Until Proven Willing.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 025 ~Go To Hell Will~

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Not as “Hot, Hot, Hot,” as I wanted it to be, but Hell can be a confusing place as they say Hell freezes over and Dante decided to take a tour of the area, and video game Dante *sigh* what women get men into right? Go To Hell Will

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Episode 025 ~Go To Hell Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to come up with a more original title; it’s not as familiar as I like and it certainly beats “skeevy,” and I can already hear you groaning here we go but aren’t thoughts of the Bitch another level of Hell? In truth, though as I’ve said before Hell can be a cold place so why is it the way becomes lit by fire the whole path there, and then we all end up getting burned and how do we nurse ourselves again?

“Some women can’t handle the fire. Some can.” Bruce Almighty

Tonight though I don’t want to talk about being alone, instead let’s focus on all of the reasons I’m going to get burned the first being I’m quite shallow, or some would say thirsty. Okay so I’m trying to be less self-deprecating, I’m still on a motivational kick these days, and with what I usually think about myself, I Still Believe there isn’t a body issue to be had. However, admiring a woman’s body is enough to end some, and I can only call someone beautiful for so long and yes there is something to be said for subtlety but fuck me is the ultimate goal when it comes to men and women but sensitive.

Now while I ’m never that crass, I compared the Bitch to a Brazzers pornstar; let’s say I have a woman in bed and one of the first things I learned as a Dominant is you never do so out of anger, Christian Grey was mad at his mother, rage has no place. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy sex so much; think The Screwfly Solution and for the record I’ve never harmed a woman, I hit my sister but I was a child, I was fighting girls when I was in the third grade; anyway sex gets me hot and doesn’t that trump anger? I’ve even talked about this before, how I’m more inclined to cover girls up in pretty outfits or at least in silk and lace binds or their underwear and anything else I would do?

One has to wonder since the Bible does talk about sex is there some method of “making love” that is specifically designed to keep one out of Hell and don’t say marriage because even if I were happily married, I would burn for my wife. Nowadays though my heart is frozen and below the belt, a cold shower might help, but no, I let freezing memories wash over me because well Go To Hell Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 018 ~Do You Lust Me~

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I always feel like, somebody’s watching me as the song goes and I wonder what they’re doing because I doubt it’s anything sexy and even if they loved me, would they admit to something like this? Do You Lust me?

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Episode 018 ~Do You Lust Me~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to be a sex symbol other than the entire world going blind; how I’ve found myself in the mirror plenty for a couple of days and Saturday all I can see is fear, and it’s cuter than me, dammit. When I was a teenager there was this girl that sat with me at lunch, we rarely talked, and I can’t say I was attracted to her in the slightest, but my ‘father” asks how did I know how she sees me and yeah I don’t know honestly.

I’ve known maybe one girl in two years possibly who openly told me that she wanted to fuck me and you want to know how does it feel for me to hear that, honestly they should bottle such an emotion. On the other hand, I honestly need to know when to shut the fuck up, playing games with another girl, and I got her and her giggly friend to look me up on Facebook, and that’s all she wrote there. Let’s call her Zibby to my Jesse, the same girl that got me going but no I haven’t told her off yet Dirty Diana, that’s one fear I haven’t had to face as of yet, and the thing is what if I’m still 100% clueless?

Lost Without U, I’ve said some stupid things to girls to be quite honest, and we still remember the bitch who I haven’t looked up at all this year; I’ve never tracked people down, or hidden in dumpsters. Okay this is more of a conversation for Inspector Echo, and I’ve probably already had it, and with you too, the desire to have some girl go all “Taylor Townsend” on my ass, You Don’t Know My Name, I’d even take Amber from “Kill Theory.” A dominant I am but to have the girl chase the monster and then when she finally finds me, we’ll see how badly she wants to play, but that Dirty Diana is a dream, however with my book… who knows, could happen.

One woman looked me up on Whisper and as soon as she saw my face; it’s hard to have body issues when people never get past the mask, and yeah women have some problems with men but if some woman came after me? Not in a psychotic, I want to kill you sort of way, more like U Got It Bad, how North looks at Markus (thank you Detroit: Become Human) way *sigh* asking the obvious, Do You Lust Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

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I’ll forget so many things by tomorrow, and the things that I remember will probably haunt me for days on end because that’s the problem with pillows, they don’t do enough damage, and they don’t absorb enough punishment. Sometimes You May Even Forget

Monday, June 18, 2018

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

Thirty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again; if I’m lucky I’ll forget I asked, fortunate still if I never find out the answer, at least it will give me something to do, I’m the luckiest if I forget the whole damn day. I wish I could ignore that there was once a less busy time, a period of decompression if you will, like when I was living in my tiny studio “Intown Suites” and every day when I would return I would stand in the center of the room, paralyzed a while.

There was a time when I would come back to the house, and I would feed my dog, change into my comfy clothes and climb into bed within fifteen minutes and why; for me, if I could do that, then I could pretend the day didn’t happen. When I failed it meant I had to live with my life choices and that was only more failure, like today I slept too long, spent too much time looking up some Polish model on Pinterest, and how about my motivation? How many times today did I forget to pick up my feet, to speak loudly and proudly, to not give up to not quit, hell I picked up treats for the dog and a snack for myself, we walked, I put on my hoodie, and after lunch, I passed out without a second thought to my sins.

Madam Justice, to be honest, I have forgotten why I even wrote this rule but if anything sometimes it is a blessing to erase everything and the unfortunate part about that is that I can imagine a better time than now. However, unlike those, who say “It Gets Better” I only imagine worse both past and future and my god how I’m fighting to have hope for the present when all I want to do is “Scream.” It was too damn easy to forget that I even had a father for Father’s Day and you know I love my dog like pancakes, but I don’t recollect being his father sometimes when all he wants is to be loved, Madam Justice.

Things I wish I could forget, the bitch, other various brunettes that I see throughout the day everywhere like that model “Aneta Cetera,” how about lust, lunch, and of course love as it was today. What I’d like to remember, Detroit: Become Human, the fact that I want a future and at the “Same Damn Time” “I Want To Know What Love Is” but *sigh* Sometimes You May Even Forget.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 345 ~Dead Men Tell No Tales~

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No, I haven’t gone pirate, and “Grammarly” doesn’t count this as plagiarism, hell if it were I would pity that person and the world in general because there would be another me and I’m still alive. Dead Men Tell No Tales

Monday, June 11, 2018

Lesson 345 ~Dead Men Tell No Tales~

Thirty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, I have gone back and forth on wanting an answer, not wanting an answer, looking for it and before the end, I guess I want to know, more like I need to know. What would some autopsy say about me, what about all the fans I dream about having, my dog knows so many secrets… and what does my blood understand about me that isn’t some party line of bullshit?

How many times do I have to tell myself to answer the question why am I a writer and here’s another one, because I don’t want any lies; sounds strange doesn’t it that a fiction writer doesn’t want to lie but fiction isn’t lying per se. If anything I assume that should scare people even more but through my novels well… no one will write real stories about who I am, and already there are plenty of files about what people think they know. It’s also a reason to stay alive; sometimes I think my dog is the only reason I stick around and besides wanting him to be happy, because God knows I would never pull a “Fry” you know Futurama, leaving him waiting.

You know how they say, and they all lived happily ever after but no one lives forever, and nobody ever talks about they died merrily; peacefully, gentle, surrounded by family and friends but not happily. Rage, Rage and you can stop right there with me because the light has already died and all that’s left is the fire if that makes any sense; I mean there’s no sun to see. A stupid new rule but “Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire” and seeing how you know some men want to watch the world… maybe I want to see how it will be reborn but then I have to do something that I still hate, that’s survival.

History’s written by the survivors, I’m sure that’s a rule, or it’s another new one, but I’m sure I might have debunked it at some point, which leads me to another idea; I want people debating me, but I pray for the courage to stand and defend myself. Is this rule displaying a lack of faith in my words, even today I feel it might be a text that ends me, but I won’t worry, I won’t agonize, I won’t play dead until morning because Dead Men Tell No Tales.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 338 ~Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes~

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Abraham Ford, now there was a good man and Rick Grimes who was the father in The Walking Dead, and its hero; well, I guess we all have to grow up sometime and start making breakfast for ourselves. Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes and make them good

Monday, June 4, 2018

Lesson 338 ~Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes~

Thirty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, considering this will be somewhat of a repeated lesson, Rule Fifteen, Lesson 198 “I Take My Own Lumps” but this is more about responsibility in both failures and with success? Also, you’ve heard me tell this story before “I love my dog like pancakes” first because he ate my waffles, French Toast, whatever so Pancakes is what I have left, secondly he’s my son, and I couldn’t love him more if I “poured the Bisquick” to make him, I’m Dad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V45jR4qlHfw

This rule is a reminder that if you do something you must accept the consequences both good and evil and you deal; being an African-American man I’ve heard more than my fair share of absent father rhetoric. My father, other than from a financial standpoint wasn’t one for affection, other than cheating on my mom but that’s another story, the thing is even when cheating, my half-brother, myself, my sister and discovered half-brother were taken care of honestly. Every action we take, like “Detroit: Become Human” you knew that was coming right, reshapes the world and our destiny and if you perform a particular action you must expect or at least be prepared for the repercussions of such a performance.

One thing I can’t tolerate is evil that refuses to acknowledge itself; they say true evil believes that it’s doing good and I agree somewhat but then I look at Trump and his peons and I mean if you’re going to be racists well go ahead but don’t try to hide it. You see Bisquick can make other things besides pancakes and even if you’re hoping for pancakes they could still be god awful. I’m reminded some of “World War Z” not sure if this is a rule, but it will be “Remember, Be The 10th Man” you know The Tenth Man Rule, how you must expect the unexpected if only life was so exciting.

However, if you have sex with a woman, you either make a baby, or you don’t, of course, you can take precautions, but things have that 99% guarantee for a reason, like believing in God in case there is a Heaven. When it comes to my dog though, I adored him the moment I saw the ball of fluff, and I will love and protect him until the end Justice.

I’m a man; my father might not have been a great one, good, alright, whatever but he looks after his responsibilities, and I will; as well when it comes to my life if you smell what The Will is cooking… Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes.

I Will Have No Fear