Tag: Past

Saga 020 ~No B In Misery~

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I could talk to my kid about anything. Once I had to give him “the talk” because, let’s say, he liked his aunt more than I did for a bit. But how do you tell them you’re angry, an artist, or an addict. Because my misery has no company. No B In Misery

Thursday, July 21, 2022

Saga 020 ~No B In Misery~

536 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As you can see I’m late. But at least I’m not spending today in bed.

For a moment there, I planned on it. Addicted to the misery? Your fault and then not as I’ve been talking to you about the last few days. You know how late I was getting to bed last night. Not that late. It was 1 AM went I cut off the lights. Writing books Braxton. Today I need to keep it going. Only every time I look at it as the song goes, “You make me wanna die.” I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. And then again, not. When I look at our book, there are a few times I want to burst into tears. It’s no damn good. Or I have to remember how it all happened. Wasting time.

Oh yes, I wasted time. Just this morning, a fucked up phone is a plethora of “sin.” You know the girl I once talked to before I started conversing with you, B III? Or should I tell Inspector Echo about how disappointing my morning became? And it goes like this. Haley Pullos, Eri Harada “Bible Black,” Nuns in Hentai, other assorted brunettes, Cherry. And finally, a blonde in a bikini. You had it so damn easy, B III. You had two toys and your aunt’s boobs. You’re a guy, and so am I, but I am also your father. I have to be better, B. Remember, I never thought about having you neutered, but with my addiction to well myself. Dennis Hof, Jacob Ralston, Blackout…

I wish you were here to speak to directly, Triple B. Hell! That would take care of the misery I’m feeling. And, I wouldn’t be a crazy man talking to myself this many days. Always. Blackout: A Thriller by Erin Flanagan is all about women and one’s alcohol addiction. So. Yeah, I hear you, B. That’s a conversation for Lady Sophia. Why am I having such trouble talking with you today? Because I have to this afternoon, I know to stay ahead writing-wise. My point is I’m trying to find anything, everything, to avoid my biggest addiction. That should have been you, my priority. But excuses for not writing, sex, audiobooks, making me sad. Addictions to escape you, B? Because there’s No B In Misery

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 013 ~B On The Wall~

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A fly on the wall? Like the song “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?” But when who you’re hiding from is everywhere. Has their own room and pictures galore, and you’re writing a book. If only “stuff” would work. B On The Wall.

Thursday, July 14, 2022

Saga 013 ~B On The Wall~

529 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day is only beginning, and the truth is that it’s not my fault. It’s like the Day Job sigh.

You know, nothing ever works, like me, ha. But to be honest, as though I’m not, I’ve only been waiting for everything to “come up.” Like, I need sex jokes now. How I hate myself. Yet it worked yesterday… I worked. I did 5000 words. And I was even a few minutes ahead of schedule. The victory was relatively short-lived, as I spent most of the night all mad. Of course, you know those days B III. I’m looking at the date and wondering if I should look up what happened in August on such a day around six years ago. To think such things bothered me then. Oh no? Again I’m thinking about Yabbos. I’ve been writing some about those you loved the most.

Your aunt could be pleased about how often she appears in your/our novel. After all, she was a big part of your life in your golden years. Now my actual sister and your Ma, B… While stewing yesterday, I thought about your granddad and if he would ever see the work we’re doing. I guess I shouldn’t be concerned with my publishing record. Never happen! But if you’re speaking to me, then you have much to say today as well… I keep thinking of ways to honor you. But the last thing I would want to do is insult you, Triple B. I think of you watching me right this second. Or if you have reincarnated, then I’m some Christian, Republican, lying to myself. Eww!

It’s so much easier to be shitty, sad, or, as the kids would say, “SUS.” But this morning, all I can think is how psyched out I am about what I’ll say next or you. I left on my chapter. There’s also the idea, yet again, that I’m late and it’s not my fault it’s past 7:00 AM at the moment, when I was up at 4:00 AM. I was also plenty scared something was broken and all my secrets… I can’t even say there were no secrets between you and me, Little B… And you were my shadow, my second in command, my one and only son. So uh, what about going to PetSmart on Saturday and writing? You’ll watch B On The Wall.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 006 ~I’ll B Right Back~

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Again with my Republican ideas. Wanting to go back to the past. But B and I suffered together. He saw me through the first year of the plague, and now we are on the verge of a Civil War. Going out dangerous, but I always told B, “I’ll Be Right Back.”

Thursday, July 7, 2022

Saga 006 ~I’ll B Right Back~

522 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing how we’re talking right now. Hell, you can guess how my day was (sigh).

I remember the vet warning me not to move things around the house. The way I carried you down the stairs sometimes. And how much you slept. But your nose and ears were always good. B III, your last day, you hid under the bed because I said, “I’ll help you.” Braxton, um, ok, this is a subject you rather not discuss. I’m sorry but as for my own health? I spoke to Lady Lunalesca today, Saturday, July 2, 2022. Want to feel better! That’s what I told her. So better to focus on my problems. The only thing really is my own, I think. Having to pee always. I have cranberry juice, sprite, and chicken noodle soup. My fatigue. We’re the old men, Braxton.

On days like today, I want to go back to when I would write, and you would wait. You were always waiting for me, Braxton. Waiting for me to come home, to finish writing. Oh, and my shower wanking. Don’t give me that look. You remember you’d hump your toys B. Remember how I had to sit you down for “The Talk” because you would always cozy up to your Aunt Carolina’s tiddies. Those were the days, my boy. Sitting with her and you as we all watched movies. The closest I ever got to “happiness.” I can name three. One you don’t know. Before I met you, there was one time in high school I was a senior. For five minutes, No Fear. The second, I almost died… bliss.

You saved my life that day, B. And I swore I would never leave you. We ride together, we die together. And the third again was when I gave you as much of a family as I could B III. You had me, your aunt, a ton of food. I wanted you to have a good mother, bro, and sis. Can we go back to the days when, if I wasn’t writing, I’d tell you about your future life, B? Hell! With the Olds, can we return to when you would bark at the gate at them, my B III? How about when you would sit at the foot of the bed? Or the last day, “Daddy, can we go home?” I’ll B Right Back

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Log 019 ~Additives Of The Will~

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Today, which is Sunday, I finished writing one more novel, I was in the zone with this 50,100, but the words weren’t the only thing I was addicted to; it could be worse, smoking or drinking perhaps? Additives Of The Will

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Log 019 ~Additives Of The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and with money comes forgetfulness. I told A&W once that’s when you know you have cash when you’re not adding up every single penny. Hell Lady Lu I wasn’t counting up money but words, whorish characters, and so many weird obsessions.

It’s because of this I owe you an apology, but you know how I am. Sad that only a few moments ago, it’s Sunday now but yay Time Travel? Anyway, today I finished my book, and I was so eager I took Saturday for Sunday. Talk about being discombobulated, which I am right now. It’s always strange to finish one more book, and after the initial shock, I don’t know. 50, 100 words, and again once I got started, I was absorbed in work; this morning and then this evening. I don’t want to sound negative, Lady Lu, but I always am once the job is complete. Great joy and with great labor and of course I set up the “Mistress Director” in one of my other finished titles. Now, like Ving Rhames, the question becomes “What Now.” Yes, and before I forget, I am sorry for yesterday Lady Lu.

Anyway, yes, my story fucked me up (LANGUAGE). Strange that so many pretty girls didn’t make it through my novel. I don’t even remember if the Mistress Director died in another part, I will have to check. I read somewhere that when people see something cute, they become destructive. I could eat you up; I want to hug you hard, stuff like that. One more reason I’m a dominant and a sadist to boot. Not that such thoughts are wrong, understand, but I need to get back on Brainbuddy. Did I fall off the wagon; hell, I smashed it to bits this week. Street Blowjobs, Teen Starlet, Isaku, at this point I don’t need to write another novel. I haven’t been sleeping well, and when I do wake up, well sex wakes me up. You know 5-hour Energy screwed me over so many months ago.

Okay enough sex talk, I’m losing time over The Walking Dead trailer. If it’s not that after watching Marz play Detroit: Become Human, it’s been all gaming reactions. Guess I’m looking for someone else to be mad at, they play games; I write books. Anyway, I got through writing so next; Additives Of The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 012 ~Can Only Learn Will~

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Last week around this time I spoke about motivation, but today it’s been all about wasting time despite all the writing that I got done, and I can’t say I’m too proud of it, but I can always edit; am I serious? Can Only Learn Will

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Log 012 ~Can Only Learn Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and I don’t believe in Newspeak. A few days ago A&W said that even during a zombie apocalypse I wouldn’t get along with people. I hate it that he might be white; oh, excuse me, right. Anyway, I would like to think I would be reasonable considering zombies, but why do I want the dead to rise again? For one it might help with the novel I’m writing these days. Yesterday I asked the question about today and well 5000 words.

Can you picture this though, a BEAST taking care of an Android that becomes a serial killer? How about discovering a cure for the plague through sex with two girls at the same time? We also have another missing penis. Two sisters surrounded, and the Basic Bitch forming a religious cult. Sometimes Lady Lu people shouldn’t be allowed to write, speak, oh, and did I mention sing. More reasons for the undead, with all the moaning and everything. I have all but forgotten how much sex is in this pornographic travesty. Ways to keep me out of trouble without boobs come few and far between sorry to say. So have I learned anything today besides the fact that when I say I’m going to do something, I get it done.

If anything, it has been a repeat of everything, Youtube and Marz videos. B III is sleeping his life away, which would be better than what dad is doing. Enough of the pity, some bright side news besides writing? Bugs hate B III’s meds so no trip to the vet but he could still use a bath. BBQ is still good though the best is farther away according to some. One more day of keeping my pants on but how long will that last? Damn, I would say I have to relearn everything from those motivational books if I had time. I haven’t even been listening to my money playlist anymore. Even at the day job, it’s time for some hardcore rap. It gets me in the mood to deal with A&W and Captain Maple Leaf. I like white women, but the men make me mad as Hell these days.

As the song goes, This Is America but at the Day Job and with the real work, what’s that evil word? STUPID, if only people somehow Can Only Learn Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 005 ~That’s The Willing Spirit~

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As the song goes, something so strong, driving me on, but I’m not the Best of the Best, as one of my motivations goes, I’m driven or perhaps possessed by the spirit of porno, talk about a god I could get behind. “That’s The Willing Spirit.”

Saturday, July 6, 2019

Log 005 ~That’s The Willing Spirit~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, so it’s crazy I’m still in bed, well this bed. At least it’s not 2 AM, and the loveseat, no not again. Another 5000 words down counting my conversation with you. I don’t know what it’s been about all this week I have been kicking Camp NaNoWriMo’s ass (LANGUAGE) but what about tomorrow? Again these days it has always been 5000 words, and I’m not going to stop now am I? There’s nothing to say about this week other than writing.

Of course, I have to get up and adult at some point like yesterday. Most of the time I am sitting in bed, typing away, is this living the dream. No, the hope is to be doing this on my private beach until my family pulls me away. I got back in touch with M Anime after blowing her off awhile. Don’t even talk to me about my inbox or cleaning the house, though the bathrooms are holding steady. I got over my anxiety enough to try out that new BBQ place, do you remember the old Piggy Potato from Jim ‘N Nick’s? I have a new favorite, but I’m only saying that because I’ll get called out for my “Uncertainty” thank you Hemingway App.

Speaking of which when we last left my runaway story, the cosplayer is in trouble. Why am I even hiding it? Her name is Sabrina Nichole. The Bitch (LANGUAGE) that shall not be named is The Director. I have Court Carmody playing her PA. So I’m back to name dropping, or I’m too tired to hide a perversion here or there. Here’s a strange thought from The Matrix. Naming a blonde, brunette, redhead as characters in my novel, you can call me Cypher ha. I don’t even need constant fireworks to keep me up, two days ago and still going. B III isn’t too happy, but I’m with him on that, fireworks creep me out something awful also. Loud noises but nothing as loud as the voices running around in my head begging to know justice. Even now, I’m not too pleased with my reality.

The Day Job, which is why I am working so hard now, I could afford to take a few days off. I keep saying that don’t I Lady Lu, but there is something stronger? You know That’s The Willing Spirit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 363 ~A New Leaf Will~

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In two more days it will have been two years since I started this blog and why did I begin again; the things we do for love; Nah the things I do because of Girls, Girls, Girls as the song goes — a New Leaf Will, not that I can turn one over

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Episode 363 ~A New Leaf Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but that’s the equivalent of the leaves on the trees. How do I come up with these ideas? Lady Luna, I spent too much time outside? If not that it was in the movie theater, learning no amount of money ever bought a second of time. It’s nice to know I’m still awake, still learning. Well, at least the second time around which brings me to today. You know Monday I will have been talking to you and the ladies for two years straight and myself.

Two years, where does the time go? Since I don’t want to go over it Monday, let’s repeat the old story. I liked some tall brunette that worked at the Day Job once upon a time. Then I said some dirty things. For example, I compared her and a friend to Brazzers and Reality Kings pornstars. For the record I miss porn. Anyway, she called me “skeevy” so I talked to you and braced for the worst. A month and some change later, she was no longer a friend and called me out on her blog. Since then, I’ve written nearly every day for these two years. Following that time, I’ve fucked myself over (Language) counting her, three brunettes. “Something, something leaves,” “The Rainbow Girl,” and “Okay.” People wonder why I want to own a whorehouse; it’s up there somewhere.”

“Some people move on. But not us… Not us” Avengers: Endgame, Steve Rogers, Captain America

In my brain, along with that angel, I’m waiting for from Heaven. All the money that will rain down on me. The roof that I want to put over B III’s head because he’ll live forever. The thing about turning over a new leaf is that they have to fall first. No Lady Lu I’m looking up, and I want to claim everything. Like before, you? Madam Justice, Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo, Dirty Diana, Lady Sophia. Only I still want to make things right with the Man in the Mirror. I’m not looking back, but up whether it be online or in my dreams. Speaking for reality though I have a yard to mow because it’s getting too high for B III. One more thing me and my son have in common. Hope, because if I don’t win PCH well, I wasted a month saying I would publish my book. Those are pages I should be turning now instead of A New Leaf Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 356 ~Will’s PG Programming Guide~

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Time to get to work, not knocking anyone but those words at 4:00 AM suck when you know you’re not getting paid a whole lot, so it makes sense even “adult entertainment” has proper hours. Will’s PG Programming Guide.

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Episode 356 ~Will’s PG Programming Guide~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now but not because of my network. In Episode 345 “You Got Will’s Number” I talked about what that would entail. Cosplayers. Sex-Ed, Reactors, Adult Entertainment, And Gamers in general. It would be my own YouTube, well dirtier. These past few days, I have been too tired even to do that. Last night was a nightmare. The house smells like shit (LANGUAGE), and the dreams keep coming. They beat what’s coming out of B III’s butt though. Again though I can be far worse as Quasimodo said.

“No face as hideous as my face
Was ever meant for Heaven’s light” Heaven’s Light

I know Lady Lu, positive vibes and that’s me being B III’s father. When I meet the right woman and Triple B has “normal” siblings” will I be the man, the father they need? All I know is I was up at 4:00 AM scrubbing the floor. At this rate, I wouldn’t oppose a few dirty diapers thrown away. What about Rule 012, “I Take Own My Lumps,” I am the responsible one. He needs care I make sure he gets it. I’m the one arguing with publishers. Even now, I need to call the Vet back about my son. If anything being a father being an adult keeps me out of other messes; for the most part. Sleep has not been a problem, and anger can mix with other things too. Nothing will ever take my boy’s place though that’s for sure, Lady Lu.

Not that I have any other ladies beating down my door. If I got so lucky the house is a mess and did I mention Triple B’s bathroom problem? My dreams are much cleaner. It was three parts, the first being a multitude of doors. No matter if I knocked, kicked, and because keys aren’t needed, the door would open to white mist. When I woke up, I went to B III’s room and stepped feet first into one of many messes. After an hour, I was back to sleep with those same doors. On the other side, there was only me, and I ran. It’s something out of Jordan Peele’s “Us” only with doors, not mirrors. I heard in a song once Don’t Let Me Get Me. How about my new favorite game Is This Porn? No, I don’t have time for that or anything else, to be honest.

Pops is taking care of business, Will’s PG Programming Guide.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 251 ~I’m Staying Alive Will~

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If you don’t have your health; the thing is I think I know what will fix this but after that monster headache, no more energy shots for a while but my poor characters t if I stay awake today. I’m Staying Alive Will.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Episode 251 ~I’m Staying Alive Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars; I’m sure I’ll make it after I’m long dead. As much as I have written, but it will be nowhere near three thousand words. Did I promise myself such today working?

Head games you know. When your body is telling you your so fucked up (Language) that it has you going looking on WebMD for answers. In that respect why aren’t I dead by now? Hearing one of your coworkers say again and again their not a racist. Speaking the truth though they’re mad about a former lover dating someone black. However, in all fairness, I’m not one to date black women. We’ve talked about the ones that leave me in the morning. Help me; if I were to ask for it, it would come in a little plastic tube. 5-hour ENERGY still has me wrecked, from my head to my feet nowadays, could be worse.

Heartbreak and I know my heart isn’t so. Seriously though I hate coming off like Howard Wolowitz or like some criminal. Yeah, women prefer the clown but the comedian died and how many days has it been? Hair Razing as my heart sank when I saw what was coming. Do you know what’s going to make me such the zombie survivor? I learned to avoid people when they’re still alive. Hands not idle but sore, sexy, and sorry for, well I’m here. Shouldn’t I make a list of my crimes, but that’s the thing, isn’t it. I don’t want to survive; I want to live.

Horny never helps though. If there is any consolation, with all this pain I’m feeling at the present moment; I can’t think about sex. Not saying I would turn it down but that should show you how much this hurts. Hips, Legs, all the way down to my toes, how I stood at all today is a miracle. I got up early to read today. I’m two minutes away from crawling into bed and going back to sleep, much like I did this morning after the book. Health is everything isn’t it Lady Lu. Yes B III has better health care than me because he has me and he’s alive.

How about if I only try living. Am I going to break off into some positive phase like once upon a time? All I know is that today sure as hell ain’t that day, only I’m not dying. I’m not getting arrested, one more miracle right, I’m Staying Alive Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 245 ~Ain’t For That Will~

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As the song goes, “I ain’t for that walk,” the sadness from my couch to bed from another rejection, constantly worried at the day job until I get time to apologize, the doublethink of hoping she sees and then not. “Ain’t For That Will”

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Episode 245 ~Ain’t For That Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, stop what you’re doing right now. What is it they say about fortune and the bold but my friend it costs you everything, mastery, moments, and money.

Once more with the Titans, today, for now at least; it’s an “Eat A Dick” sort of day (Language). What was I thinking last night and what were you thinking this morning; can the bird get here any faster? Now we turn our attention to Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill. Yes, I remember writing out all our fantasies to one woman. Sending a “Butterfree” to another, and last night not learning from history sigh. Sending more fetishes to Court. You like that name because in a way you know judgment and no matter what you will face punishment. Still carrying the world on your shoulders great Atlas? Only it’s not that big, honestly and yet Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Look at you today, starting the week with a 34 F, but it’s not a 0. Now explain to me how are you going to get up for the Day Job when you have to and how many steps is that. Will you won’t take less than a hundred to get here. I know the wait is excruciating. The aftermath is exhausting, and the successes need editing. From your bank account to your writing, or maintaining any one friendship. One of your motivations talks about the body wanting to conserve energy. As you need every bit of it to cope. Another talks about being a lone wolf, and you carry so much. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Lust” (The Elite Seven #1) by Ker Dukey
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Rule 066 states “Do You Step Or Leap” and you are starting to feel that 5-hour ENERGY. If you could have this “second wind” all the time? No, it wouldn’t be as if you’re on your way to the gallows, in that car as a kid waiting for your dad to beat you. How about walking into work. Why should you be afraid to push a button? To have to remind yourself to pick up your boots, or the way you’re backtracking in your mind over something you said. Don’t allow the thought to dare cross your mind. Where do you want to go, HELL you’re heading in the wrong direction. Always forward but one day up, lift your head, holdings, and headboard ha. Get over Prometheus, for when you know your path, where you are; Ain’t For That Will.

“I ain’t for that walk.”

I Will Have No Fear