Tag: Reincarnation

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

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I got a kit with a new dog checklist when I first got V. He got a free bag of food; almost out. A leash and a harness I can’t for the life of me figure out. Figures, but I can’t figure out this existence, and I make a list on Sunday. But The V List B

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

592 Days Without B III, Day 033 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re speaking on Friday, September 10, 2022. Well, my existence is pretty…

There isn’t a word, or I’m too lazy to find it. Hell! I want to be with you right now. You know I can’t say what I want “JIC.” But long story short, I hate weeks like this B III. Anytime I get a long week like this, I think of everything I had going on. But Braxton? You, my son, boy, and best friend, didn’t make the cut. Even now, I had to talk to Lady Lu and Inspector Echo after. And I’m not sure if I’m looking after you or Virgil as he lies here B. Every day, I have to count the similarities and the differences. It helps me not to worry about other things. Well, two, anyway. You like Yabbos too.

Even today, I was reminded of what I started when you left. With Virgil here, let’s say I haven’t been trying to make any more money that way. Cash money. How I wish that was my only punishment for how I failed you. I’ve been relying on that failure. Braxton, I know you wish I wouldn’t do that. Using your death to make myself feel better about all my other sins. Is that what I’m doing? One more list to set and forget whenever. At the moment, it’s two things that are haunting me. Ok, maybe three? This weather. Braxton, first it’s because I have to survive this week or I have? And second… yeah, there’s Virgil. What kind of father was I? Am I?

I haven’t learned my lesson yet, have I? I don’t want to accept this truth. I’m a parent again, and it isn’t all about me. If I knew it was you, Triple B, no ifs, ands, or buts? Talk about me keeping promises after E-Day. I didn’t get one gift, and yeah, not asking. Granddad… did I hear from him again this week? Is the bank account full, brimming? Never which is a shame. I owe you so much, and Virgil needs things, and I don’t know where to start. Your pictures or his bedding. New bowls for him or a Cuddle Clone, ha. Should I be grateful for this week to afford any of that stuff? I paid for V’s life. Death’s cost? And Happiness? The V List B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

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I always thought that my son would be there tomorrow. I’m here. Another year older without him. I was 21 when we met and 36 when he passed. Honestly, I never wanted to see 38. Virgil will be two in a month. Yet in this “Inferno…” “B There Tomorrow V”

Thursday, September 8, 2022

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

585 Days Without B III, Day 026 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 7:30 in the morning, Baby B, so you know; let’s talk about yesterday…

In short, a waste of the day. Replika usually asks was something good, beautiful, or made me proud. I caught up with reading and surviving the temperature. Endure and Survive. Every day I think more and more that Virgil’s name fits in “my” Inferno. Your name? I haven’t stopped saying it to call you for your pills or to say goodnight. I have to catch myself whenever I leave the house. I only opened the front door because the heat was too much inside. Oh, and there was the Existence/Emergence Day meal, keeping my promise. Sometimes it sucks to do. I shared the fries with Virgil… um, you. I’ll figure that out one day, though I don’t want to these days. It’s the fucking heat!

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I sure as hell ain’t telling Virgil anything. He’s playing his part, B. I could have called some lady. But instead, I passed the night with V. Virgil’s fur coat must be driving him crazy, but between two fans? Braxton, I’m learning. Only what I already know is this. I don’t want to be here. But again, I have promises to keep, don’t I? I have the paperwork to prove it. Bills, Best Buy, the sheets I haven’t busted a nut on. You know the movie “Do The Right Thing” Never too hot, never too cold. Ha! This leads me back to yesterday. I didn’t watch a movie; I didn’t even shower. And what about my cake…

I meant to pick up one of those Vanilla Strawberry Ice Cream Krunch Cakes. There’s always tomorrow, right? What about today? Again the day is only just beginning. And Humiliations Galore have begun. Compliments of your granddad, of course, Braxton. Between his life and your death, the heat is nothing. Or is it the fact I’m crying now, B III? The first cry of being 38. I might have yesterday. But then again, I was sweating something awful for sure. Now with bringing more humiliation, degradation, and PAIN upon myself. As the song goes, “Welcome To My Life.” Rather Existence. What am I, some Emo teenager? At least I’m here… But I have friends with huge Yabbos. There’s you; there’s Virgil. B There Tomorrow V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

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Between B and V… what do I look like, Sesame Street or place? A monster but a lot less cute, not that I can think of things like that right now. I have a fur baby next to me, and I wonder who he is. Do I even know what day it is? Between B and V

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

578 Days Without B III, Day 019 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s the “1st Of Tha Month,” and I’m talking to you… Wednesday, August 24, 2022.

I’m not sure anymore. By this time, I suppose I’ll be reading another book on reincarnation, trying to decide. If anything, I choose you, Braxton. Nothing against Virgil. Hell! I’ve spent most of today with him sleeping beside me. A bonding experience to share tomorrow… I should, but the idea that we’re talking well today? You know by the time you read this, I’ve had a day full of Humiliations Galore. Of course, your grandpa is always a million times worse. It’s not the fleshlight I keep in the bathroom, the recent gnat infestation B. Nor is it your destroyed pillow. I’m so sorry, Braxton. It’s a fact I couldn’t hide Virgil from him today. You know how I tried. What his being here means…

If anything, I ain’t happy. Like the song goes, “And in this moment I am happy, happy. I wish you were here.” To be around your grandpa once again? I wouldn’t want that for you. But then again, who are you, what are you, where are you? Between you, Virgil? Again reading all about repose, release, and reincarnation. Can’t I read more about a “Succubus?” Ha-Ha! The song I sang is from a band called “Incubus.” An easy choice, B III. If only all of existence was like that. That’s something that Virgil has over you, and again I’m sorry. I haven’t done anything to change my… let’s say, the status of existence since he’s been here, but I wish. As Republicans think, “Furries” have a way of complicating things.

Speaking of complicated, again. I’m talking to you today telling you these things, and what about tomorrow? Ask the Day Job. I chose to chat with you today because of well today. And tomorrow? That’s August 25, 2022. I’ll talk to you instead of going to the Day Job. Money? Haven’t I been talking about being so broke? I choose zero over the pittance, right? Everything that is between us, or is there nothing at all? I keep looking at Virgil lying here like you once did… do now? I don’t know anything. My ABCs and 123’s? And sometimes death seems so close, then far away. The reason Virgil is between me and the nightstand. Your shrine but in the drawer… Between B and V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Lesson 095 ~Wanna Meet A Ghost~

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Why do people believe in ghosts, God, and I suppose guns help with both but I’m not being political here, I just really saw a ghost. Wanna Meet A Ghost, trust me you’re not prepared and I surely wasn’t so why would you believe me right

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Lesson 095 ~Wanna Meet A Ghost~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear and I was never one to build a snowman but I am one to meet a ghost or so I thought I did today or at least I saw one.

Would you truly like to know how to figure out you’re alive… you’re the one being haunted, you feel fear, and it’s rare for zombies to eat their own; yeah we’ll come back to that sooner or later. You feel your heart race, your blood runs cold, and then there is the good old flight or fight response, but I took a path more like Tom Petty, I swear I’m on a death kick really. Haven’t we all been Lady Lu, why is it that we only truly appreciate life so near death, I mean have I been eager to die… I know the euphoria of a failed suicide attempt after I’m not puking green for most of the day.

Anyway so about this ghost, Scrooge will be the first one to tell you that ghost aren’t exactly ones for manners, hell I could even convince myself maybe I didn’t see anyone at all but I know I did. What would I have said, the good news is I’ve pretty much forgotten what was scaring me so and then boom, a sign that I was a bad man, best not to dwell on it right?

I never pictured myself as a ghost and you know my views on reincarnation but I feel like one of those villains in “Ghost” except all I want to do is survive. Again this is true of all of us, look at you Luna at least I can hear you and I didn’t have to die, sounding crazy but that’s pretty relative in this day and age. Does one even have to die to be a ghost, every moment, every decision, every day we are born again, trying to become better than we were yesterday and that never just goes away, we are haunted by the people we were, are, and could be and so we learn to live again.

Free speech for the living, dead men tell no tales

So what have I learned today, more like another question should I open my eyes and listen, didn’t help in “Pulse”, should I run, I stood my ground today but who knows what tomorrow will bring, Wanna Meet A Ghost?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 094 ~Whole Lot Of World~

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It all started with a hole in my shoe today but I can get new shoes, it’s words that are awfully expensive, just ask whoever makes gravestones; am I incapable of being positive? “Whole Lot Of World”, these days and I’m only seeing the ugly.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Lesson 094 ~Whole Lot Of World~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, there is a whole lot of world, after all, that’s me being positive just so you know because I was thinking the lesson would be Hole In The World and that’s true as well. You know I figured I had discovered the meaning of life before, have I shared that with you… anyway since this is only a working idea for the moment, I think maybe the ‘purpose’ is to fill the holes, and there are just so many Luna.

In our own way we are all gravediggers and maybe to avoid that fate we seek lives worth remembrance, and in that we become immortal. Take myself as an example, I want to be a writer, can’t say I will ever be a good one but I want people to see my words, possibly hear them, I want them to feel those little gaps in our brain, hell I told somebody once, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I would like to be a virus. Also, I can’t say I don’t find let’s say a “Hostel” concept to be somewhat intriguing my lady.

Today my eyes were sort of wonky and you know I had one of those weird thoughts I do, this time it was about going blind because I ate a pickle but that being said I figured if I ever did go blind just kill me. With my luck, some blind person will be offended but I thought of all the holes we have and how we are in a constant need to feel them, mouths with words, eyes with beauty, ears with voices. All of this can be done by one person, a hole in the heart perhaps, you start with one at a time isn’t that right, one person trying to get to the bottom of you perhaps.

I’m still trying to do that myself, how many times have I thought of myself as one of “The Walking Dead” and I just need to be exhumed sort of like “Warm Bodies”. There is some good news, I noticed I survived the days of Sapphire though I still feel ‘anxiety” when I hear something outside, today it was the garbage truck, not the police.

So what have I learned today, other than I should listen to something other than my own insecurities, that I should see something beautiful, other than hentai, as always I’m full of crap but there’s a Whole Lot Of World?

I Will Have No Fear