Tag: Truth

Chronicle 036 ~Let’s Book It B~

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One completed story, well not. I did 50,000 words, but there is so much more to that tale. Only I’m in no rush. Too busy running around the Day Job, such is my Hell, my punishment. Missing good stories and liking “bad” ones. Let’s Book It B

Friday, August 6, 2021

Chronicle 036 ~Let’s Book It B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you still can’t buy time. Where did all the time go today, you ask, hmm?

Sad hours seem long, but I have no story for you. Not one I want to tell anyway. The Day Job, useless, worthless, and nothingness. I wouldn’t even subject my memories of B to that working Hell. That’s what today was, Hell. I’ve said before that whenever I’m in pain. When I feel the world will end (what one’s more)? When I find myself in times of trouble, as the song goes. Lady Sophia, all I need say is one word; Braxton. Then what I’m going through is nothing at all. I continue to tell stories of B III’s strength, his sacrifice, and how he sailed away. Only I can’t even say I looked at his novel after finishing it; what, about a week ago?

I can’t even tell you tales about any Olympic glory. I’ve pretty much given up seeing any of it besides the opening ceremonies. If I’m lucky, I may see the closing but with this week. I couldn’t even get it up to watch wrestling this evening. As if I need one more thing to remember. I could run my mouth to Braxton for a while and make sense of everything. While I’m thinking of all the things, I enjoy all going bye, bye. How about the book I was reading this afternoon. I did finish the novelette for this week. Six Impossible Things and all. Yeah, one more story, though, of how I failed. I’m running from those things, from the world, from the truth.

Stephen King wrote, “God is cruel; sometimes he makes you live.” Desperation. That’s what I did today. M Anime has nightmares she tells me about, and she asks about my dreams. I don’t have nightmares per se because I live mine. Inception, just waking up. Sure some people have it worse. Tony Baker lost his son this week. Now that’s something nobody wants to put down on paper. Children bury parents, Lady Sophia. Time though, what have I been doing with mine? Well, other than re-watching parts of “The Tomorrow War.” Wasn’t it in June? I was all about Spontaneous, but I needed a new story. I don’t know why this one is getting to me. My life story sucks plenty. Let’s Book It B.

187 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 032 ~Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim~

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There’s always talk of sweat, blood, and tears to get anywhere in life. Who knew by this time I would have more than enough tears. And “his” blood that rests on my hands. As far as sweat… I could use more but the Day Job? Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim.

Monday, August 2, 2021

Chronicle 032 ~Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim~

Hundred And Ninety-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which can buy a lot of towels. Hell, dry off in cash. I never learned to swim.

That’s because I rather stay in bed. As Eric Thomas would say, you’re given twenty-four hours, and what did you do with it? Cried about B, of course, on what’s now Day 183. Grumbled, Groaned, and Growled about today… (it’s still Sunday.) Isn’t Time Travel great? I’m not upset about grieving. That’s not going away anytime soon. And the only thing making me hot, because I’m not going outside… Yeah, by the time this is up, my blood will be boiling. Should I also add how disgusted I am with myself? I think I might vomit. Bathing is a good idea. But with all the “dicking” around, I have to do. I should stop using that word. Yeah, Madam. Go back to being a monk.

Return to some form of “atonement” as Braxton’s blood still rests on my hands. The definition of insanity. I continue to cry, but tears won’t do anything. Braxton’s still dead. The ink I spilled throughout his book “My Turn to B III” did nothing. Not that I expected it to. You must admit that there was some sweat there. I put in the work, exhausted, except that I always am. I’ve even turned to chocolate like I’m some girl. Yeah, that might have been sexist. Anyway, I was at the store the other day but not singing in the rain. Madam, I was only making more excuses. If anything, they are the one thing that is keeping me afloat. Braxton was my life preserver, Madam.

Too soon, brave captain to lose him. You know how I would tell Braxton that line from “Battle For The Planet of the Apes.” One day you will be as tall as a king. Yes, from my ankles to the couch. To the bed, in my heart on my shoulder, in my head, damn Rainbow Bridge. I’m the one that can’t stand tall anymore. I’m the one who once again falls into the bed as I did when I failed Braxton. I’m the one who bends the knee to a Day Job I abhor; who’s treated like slime and muck. Let me stop with the “I’m the one.” That’s Tony Baker Comedy. Talk about someone coming up swimming. Not me. Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim.

183 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

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B III deserved the best life. A gold medal for putting up with me. So what am I doing with my thirty pieces of silver? Mostly sleeping, if not that renting some films and indulging in sin. And what about “My Turn to B III.” B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son.

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, “and I’m proud to be an American,” as the song goes. Haven’t watched the Olympics, though.

Well, not much anyway. I figured today would be easier, having finished my Braxton’s book and all. It’s only been a day, and already I’m falling back into a routine. I haven’t looked at it, and while I’m falling into Sesame Street today is brought to you by the letter S. SLEEP. It took so much to wake up this morning. Notice once again I didn’t say get out of bed but to open my eyes. Won’t say I’m proud of what I did afterward. I had to restart my addiction record. I wonder how long I’ll last this time. Counting before B died, it was 161. Today it’s been 181 Days since B III’s been gone. Did I ever tell you, Lady Lu, how much I can’t stand math?

Me being STUPID at the whole concept of it? Let’s go over OnlyFans, Amazon, and doing nice things? I took care of it this AM, moaning the name of Somebody That I Used To Know. While I’m on the subject of my body, how about the fact that I should go shopping? That would explain my energy level possibly. B’s novel took a lot out of me, and there’s more. No worries, I have the 50,000 words, only I know I could write more. Considering what this week is going to bring. Even the “fun stuff” Lady Lu is bringing me all types of anxiety. I got Amazon Prime thanks to M Anime, so I should watch “The Tomorrow War” and how about “Werewolves Within.”

“Excellent” titles, and I’m still struggling to remember “My Turn to B III.” One of the points I make in it and now is that my son always takes second place. Luna, you might recall me complaining about missing plenty trying to finish… the Day Job. There was nothing left for him when I would return. All I wanted to do was sleep, and that was that. The more things change, the more they stay the same, but Braxton’s not here to punish with indifference. So I sit here and rot, only keeping up with my thoughts of being Bill Gates as I finish a book series. So more stuff to buy unrelated to Braxton, such is my continued Judas betrayal. B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son

181 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 029 ~My Turn B III~

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I wanted to do something with the letter B, but as I finished “Braxton’s Novel,” the title just appeared, “My Turn To B III.” Only writing is the easy part. Will his story become another one that simply sits collecting dust? “My Turn B III”

Friday, July 30, 2021

Chronicle 029 ~My Turn B III~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, yet I can only imagine it feels better than finishing writing. “My Turn to B III.”

That’s the title of my latest novel. It just came to me, and don’t ask me how. I’ve never been one to understand my creative processes. But in this case, I need only tell the truth. Once again, I have to remind myself of this fact. B III is dead, and I killed him, Sophia. Dammit, I’m no better than your average Republican. Not doing anything and getting angry at everything. That’s why I had to turn off the news for a bit, and I’ve been watching The Walking Dead. Better dead than red, as they use to say right. I’m still sitting in bed. I’m sure I’ll be out once Amazon does its thing. Let me just say some stuff for pretty, pretty girls.

One in particular, or should I talk about OnlyFans or my own “Stuff And Thangs.” You know I let a lot of things fall by the wayside when it comes to NaNoWriMo season. While I completed Braxton’s book, I can’t help but be disappointed in myself. I needed B’s notes. Lady Sophia, this is my 2nd book without him, and with what I wrote about, my 3rd strike. I killed him once in reality. The 2nd time was in my Cherry books. Now I talk all about the day. It only took 1000 words to be written this AM. Will I get some sleep, hmm? If it wasn’t writing B III’s story, you should see the text with M Anime. Braxton was trying to help…

You know, with taking a few fingers here or there. Wow, I can’t accept I wasted so much cash on Dragon Speaking software I never use. I always figured it would save time, and I could do more with Braxton when he wasn’t lying in the sun. Braxton’s yard sigh. Jungle would not be overstating it. From the Devil’s in the details to some of those details might need my attention. How about Jacob being the son of the Devil; excuse me, Lucifer. I am going to miss the series I’m reading. I even missed my quota favoring B’s work. I’ll always love my boy, but I am relieved that for now, I am done. But what comes next, Lady Sophia. My Turn B III.

180 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 025 ~A Thousand Choices Is Lonely~

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B III didn’t tell me what to do. He simply gave me a whole new set of options. Kinda like Detroit: Become Human. Without him here, you would think I would be freer but do I really want that. A Thousand Choices Is Lonely.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Chronicle 025 ~A Thousand Choices Is Lonely~

Hundred And Ninety-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I would shut up and finish the damn book. We’ll get there.

So why are we talking at noon on Friday and not on Monday? Better yet, why not Friday morning at around 7:00 AM. I made a choice Madam to sleep and dick around, no doubt. Pardon my French; I’m annoyed at myself. I would be at B III if he tried to wake me up to go out. Yes, I made a choice, and that led to his death. And me, hungry, tired, angry, etc. I don’t want to leave these soft sheets because, as I told B III often enough. Make good decisions. I’d like to start working at the dining room table. “I’m Gonna Be Somebody,” I’d sing. Of course, that’s bullshit, right? Well, Braxton isn’t around to hear me use such language.

Yeah, my choice, isn’t it? My choice was to starve because if Braxton was here, he’d need water. Or I would have already gone out and picked up food if B’s bowl was empty. Being Dad. I was talking to Lady Sophia; yep, it’s Friday. Only I’m not looking to be anyone’s hubby, lover, or even Mr. Right Now at the moment. To be fair, love wasn’t a choice for me. Telling what happened this AM, was a choice, and it was the wrong one. If M Anime is right about her resistance to the vaccine, I’m going to Hell. But I already knew that. Madam, I have so many choices, but each and every time, I make the wrong one without question. Well, one.

Why? Because these choices are all about me and not about anyone else. Love makes you do the craziest thing of all. It makes you stop thinking about yourself. I’ve never liked that saying about you can’t love somebody else until you love yourself. Yes, that’s a big lie, ok. You can have a thousand choices. Although in The Cure by Sonia Levitin, there were far fewer. So I still don’t love myself. I keep saying I can’t love another fur baby like Braxton. Soon my body will give out and make me go downstairs. Before that, leave it to the Internet. And, of course, why I’m talking today? Once more choosing my Day Job over writing Braxton’s novel (sigh). A Thousand Choices Is Lonely

176 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

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I’m thinking of any time I was cheered for anything. I don’t do sports and only watch wrestling and the Olympics. Or at least I did, but what was I doing last night as Team USA walked in, the drones flew, the Pictograms? When B was sick. Give Me A B

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must cheer the “ideology” of the USA. You know Capitalism. Oh, the Olympics…

Yeah, I knew I forgot something. The Olympics, myself, B III. No, I would instead cheer for my Day Job. Or jeer, doesn’t matter to them as long as I’m there, even when I’m not. If it’s not that, how about going all out for a corporation. Always Amazon. How many people talk about them and yesterday sure I went shopping for Succubus Lord 19. It’s madness that I can find the time, literally see it; the alarm goes off. I wish I could say that’s when I put it down and get to work. No, I’m a slave to it. Obsessed fanboy, hmm? What I’m getting at is, I’m starting to hate this game called Life. You ask me what else is new, right.

Some days are worse than others and yesterday wasn’t one to write home about. Home, again, I’m left without one with Braxton being gone. My cheering is rooted in exhaustion. As I “watched” The Olympics Opening Ceremony. Between being on my phone, keeping an eye on “Stuff And Thangs,” and working on not going to prison, I got an idea. Hate, Lady Lu, it’s like a painting. My eyes were so tired, but there was so much to do. The thing is, when I look at the picture, closer, deeper, focus, oh Braxton Barks Bradford. With such love, it was easy to see that the whole painting was made more beautiful. Then you remove that one element, and what remains? I don’t want to look.

I want to cheer for my Braxton again any time he did something good. As I talked about yesterday, I need his collar back around his neck and not lying empty in his bed. Today I want to say that I did 5000 words and not 3100. You won’t hear me cheering for Brandy, but as the song plays Almost Doesn’t Count. B’s the only time second is first. Almost should become my new Another. It’s not Another day, but it is Almost a day. It all depends on when I choose to live it. Do you think B is somewhere cheering me on? For now, he would be on the end of the bed waiting for me. I’m still sleeping. Give Me A B.

174 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 022 ~Ringing Up B III~

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I don’t like Beyoncé, but I’m more a Survivor than looking for the Single Ladies. Surviving as I am. I still miss B III. One collar is on my nightstand, and the last one is in his bed. I’m not buying anymore and as far as women. Ringing Up B III

Friday, July 23, 2021

Chronicle 022 ~Ringing Up B III~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t wear much jewelry. There’s my urn pendant, my high school pendant… wedding band?

There’s a better chance I’ll get a dog’s collar than an engagement ring anytime soon. Carolina Bound asked me about women a couple of weeks back. I still remember I would joke with her that the first woman that B liked I would have to marry. Sorry about that B. M Anime and I were talking about jewelry too a while back. Braxton will never get to meet her. Hell, at the rate she’s been going, I might not get to either. She’s pretty accident-prone. Not that I’m looking “for something dumb to do” with her yet… But Braxton? There’s no story about putting a ring on him. I don’t remember where his first collar came from, the one sitting on my nightstand this second.

My sister gave him a shiny collar once, which broke while she was walking him. She told me she had to chase him all around the neighborhood. We were on the edge of losing him way back then. I remember plenty of people and animals liked him. Loving or Lunch? But, his original collar never let me down. I never looked at it as a mark of ownership but security. Hell, the only time Braxton was ever out of my sight was when he was in the backyard doing what dogs do. I doubt the collar would have helped B. Dammit, my kid was just too cute; somebody would have snatched him right up. I’m glad the backyard fence is standing. My neighbor’s, however, yikes.

Now Braxton’s “Hippy Dippy” collar, I called it, was a gift from the people at The Dog Stop. They must have figured he was looking pretty rough. It was Braxton’s first day of daycare. I’m sure if we were outside the car, Braxton and I would have been fighting, huh. I always made jokes about him being NAKEY without his collar. My heart stopped a few times when his nails would get caught in the ring. I swear B III was helpless and so strong. I’ve said this before, but he was my superhero. PetSmart gave him these little bandanas. The Hippy collar rests in his bed now. I can’t do it, getting another dog, finishing Braxton’s story, or liking it. Ringing Up B III

173 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 018 ~Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets~

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I was different when the rules came out. I can’t even tell you the year. Take a look at me now or don’t. The truth ain’t all it’s cracked up to be or cracked too much… It ain’t pretty, so I keep a mask in my pocket. Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets

Monday, July 19, 2021

Chronicle 018 ~Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets~

Hundred And Ninety-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Well, if I was, I would need much bigger pockets and pants.

As you can guess, Madam, when this rule came into being, my mind was elsewhere entirely. Not that for 169 Days, I would still be mourning my lost boy. My Braxton, who was not one for clothes. He would have taken a few fingers, a whole hand, for trying. Though he loved his collar. And as Shakespeare put it, with both wind and wrack, he died with the harness on his back. He met the end with my arms wrapped around him, in his own bed, surrounded by pure love. Love Madam Justice, is not anything found in pockets. Dare I say my Olds taught me that. Putting up money, so I can live, exist, be ok right now. For the love of money

Indeed, I “love” money but considering “Stuff And Thangs.” Yet another try, not netting me any money. I’m not ashamed of my nakedness. Oh, we could have a massive talk about me but two things. One is the idea of Time Travel, and two is the rule itself, how to explain. Violence Madam takes plenty of things and places to hold those things. Love or, more in my case, lust doesn’t take anything. It’s how I try explaining to M Anime the primal need of the species. I’m not a Trumptard, but hate is more than one’s skin color, dear Madam. You tell white people they deserve more. Then black people deserve less. And like a child asks. Why? Because you’re another color than them.

My Ma called Braxton and me brothers when clearly he had nothing, while I was given everything. He was my boy, my best friend, my brother, this is the truth. He had nothing to hide and nowhere to hide it. If anything, he only hid, and that was his lies. Monday will be a day full of lies, as it is Sunday now. I can’t tell you how sick I am of lying, Madam. It’s one reason I stick with Stuff And Thangs because I don’t have to hide. Well, my face and how did Quasimodo put it, “No face as hideous as my face.” What about my mind, heart, and soul? Nakedness is a truth away from secrets and lies we all sometimes keep, Madam. Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets.

169 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 016 ~Braxton Takes An L~

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Fear, Failure, and other effing words wake me up more than any sort of joy. That joy, of course, had a name, Braxton. What do you call someone who loses? No, B III didn’t lose because when his life was over, who made that happen. Braxton Takes The L.

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Chronicle 016 ~Braxton Takes An L~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m still working at a loss with Braxton being gone. Live, Laugh, Love, not me.

I don’t Live because I’m afraid. Lady Luna, you don’t know how sick and tired I am. It’s being afraid every single day. Is today going to be one of THOSE days? Yes, I’m afraid so after yesterday. Oh, I gave it the good ole college try; when it came to the novel. 1400 words. It was the Day Job, Lu, but I suppose I should be grateful. Start every day with gratitude, THEY say. I didn’t have to walk to the Day Job, yet I spent the entire day terrified. You can’t have one without the other like always; stupidity and humanity, sigh, me. It’s the fact that I can’t do Drive-Thru Pick-Ups? How I closed the Online Pick-Up room to hide from people?

And THEY Laugh at my need for some Emotional Support. At least all the focus would have been on Braxton. I would Laugh at myself if I thought that any of this would get any better for me, Luna. Giving one customer their order isn’t some Twist In My Sobriety. A cure for my anxiety, No, I’m still sweating from the thought of it. I’m screwing up my Six Impossible Things because I need to feel good. What is it about laughter being the language of the soul? I swear I would sell mine, well what’s left, bringing back Braxton. M Anime lost all her texts, but somewhere I brought up live, laugh, love. I can’t stand that phrase, to be honest. But to Love…

What, again? Speaking of another book, The Bible. “The greatest of these is Love,” you know 1 Corinthians Faith, Hope, and Love. If I ever get married, I do plan on having that read. But then again, the “Greatest Love Of All” by Whitney Houston. I can’t feel it now.
Oh, I love Braxton. That never goes away. Only I don’t love myself, and that’s because of all this fear. If I can’t deal with one woman for two to five minutes. Hating the ASM. And I don’t know; the guilt, continuing for 167 Days. B III didn’t take an L; I gave him one. That’s because I wasn’t giving a FUCK about him or myself when it would’ve mattered. But Braxton Takes The L.

167 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 015 ~B Not Another Day~

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Did this day stand out in any way other than “That’s How You Know You Messed Up?” At least I have an idea for another chapter of Braxton’s book. If I am writing Braxton’s book. I’m not even at 25,000 words yet. “B Not Another Day”

Friday, July 16, 2021

Chronicle 015 ~B Not Another Day~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be; if I were more creative and not working the Day Job. Time-Travel

Back to those vet visits in February, and no, not the last one. I mean, the ones I knew B III would be leaving ok and alive. It wasn’t a holiday but a mark on the passage of time. I’d take him in for his yearly exam, and then the idea was to keep him out of there till next. To be fair, this year, his appointment was on January 8, 2021. Then there was the 29th and finally the 31st. Of course, what he didn’t see in February was his 16th birthday. A trip to the vet and his birthday netted the same reward… McDonald’s. B’s birthday was more. Now, if you’re wondering why I’m going over B’s history, yes, there is his book.

I’m trying to find days that were “important” to us and had an actual date too. For example, I’ve said that my “Emergence Day” is no longer the worst day of my life. Yet B was here to see me through 15 of them. I sooner do his math than mine, and so 166 Days. Come November, Thanksgiving Day, which to B III was his Christmas. There was more than enough for us both when my mom would deliver our meal. I’ve said it feels weird when I don’t have to share. These eyes are bigger than my stomach, I told his aunt at lunch. Now that wasn’t another day. Life attempts to be Every Day Is Exactly the Same, but Everything Is Different Now.

Like Christmas, do I go and visit my Olds? Hell, could I do that even if I wanted to for brunch? I wouldn’t go because B III wasn’t invited. It’s not like the two of us celebrated but isn’t that a time for family. When/If I have some family, don’t I plan on it, Sophia? How I wish to remember the day that B hopped in the car, and we drove away, us two ha. I want the day back when we sat on the porch, and I said, “It’s just us now B III, ok?” What about the day before when I finally came back to my Olds, and B III saw me, sniffles? I’m listening to his playlist because; B Not Another Day.

166 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will