Tag: Women

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

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How often do I go to work without my headphones, why do I fight so hard when the stereo in my car is acting up, there’s plenty to hear, and plenty I wish I could just turn off, but those things are from music. “Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.”

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, no matter what my favorite song tells me and that’s not a crime is it, to be in love with a song, in this case being “Easy Street,” such sweet torture for other people that is. There are some songs that you can’t get out of your head and then there are others that are just asking for a power drill to the temple; no worries though, didn’t you ever wonder why I named you Inspector Echo?

Now I’m not talking about songs like “Pjanoo (Club Mix),” did you think something like that would make me ashamed, hell the only problem with that is I don’t need another gay guy hitting on me. How easy was that to say, music speaks and I listen and when it comes to actual people trying to talk to me… perhaps that is another sin for today; I don’t want to listen to people and talk about being picky, to paraphrase Much Ado About Nothing “God match me with a good singer!” To think this was once my greatest sin the belief that I was ever a good singer I sang in the church choir I screwed up verses, I sang with the kids instead of my age bracket when I was a teen. I stayed an alto for far too long and dare I sing now, just because I want too maybe, shall I try?

How about my hatred of music, now that Inspector Echo, is indeed a crime but as they say hate is easily a teaching tool often. So I have my father to thank on behalf of my mother, and for once I wasn’t profiteering, but “No Charge” from Shirley Caesar was playing and let’s just say I despised that woman until U Name It. Speaking of women, I despise; another song that makes me truly ashamed is “Something Just Like This” every time I hear it the word “skeevy” echoes in my mind and to add insult to injury “Oops (Oh My)” and that’s because I was just that. Now “Sexy” from Peter Cincotti was in the movie Straight A’s To XXX and is this only song on this list that doesn’t make me cringe, but it gives me deliciously devilish, dirty, depraved desires for Haley Pullos and other pretty ladies.

So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for using music as a crutch, for using it to torture and be tortured, for my pain and shame, for my hatred of it, for the memories, and that there is so much more but as the song goes Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.

I Will Have No Fear

Digging Up The Tomb Raider

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I suppose anything to get out of America nowadays, and a pretty girl always helps though I doubt she will be anything like Lara Croft but can’t a guy dream, not that this movie will put you to sleep. Digging Up The Tomb Raider, indeed.

Some things are better left buried, and some things are just discoveries and Tomb Raider is a real discovery, or I should say Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft; as I told a friend other than thinking Lara Croft is hot, I can’t say I’ve played a lot of the Tomb Raider Series. Honestly, I like Alicia way more than the Angelina Jolie versions as Alicia’s Lara was to an extent, should I say believable, real, you could feel her character more, a more visceral hero.

Seeing as how they are trying to bring back the franchise, I give them points for their faith in this film, this is more of an origin story of Lara Croft, with throwbacks to how she became the “butt-kicking” hero we know her to be. Tomb Raider being probably the second movie I’ve seen Alicia in, I’m pretty curious to see more of her as she has yet to disappoint; if only the film tried as hard but it’s decent. Daniel Ku with another Into The Badlands alum did their thing, but who watches Into The Badlands, just me, so go and watch this movie.

Pleasing the Fandango gods first let’s now get to the real just like Lara Croft or maybe more like the villain of the movie Walton Goggins as Mathias Vogel, not that this movie made me want to go “home,” though I did look at my watch more than I would like. I didn’t go into this movie with great expectations, give me a pretty girl, a bunch of guns and… hey, I thought this was America; does nobody know Randy from South Park either? I should also say the trailer song “Survivor” filled me with a bit of nostalgia, and how about this “blasphemy,” I like the trailer way more than the original Destiny’s Child.

It sounds like I’m making excuses to why I was interested in this but movies nowadays give away so much in trailers and Tomb Raider didn’t have to do that for obvious reasons being around as long as it has. Though you know what’s coming there are still plenty of twists and turns along the way as there should be, an almost “The Twilight Zone” feeling which also works well.

I don’t remember much from the original franchise but Alicia’s Lara starts as a poor, nowhere near invincible ragamuffin with daddy issues, she’s hot, did I mention she’s hot but not is some overly sexualized type of way, though the story lets us know she’s a “fox.” Even the villains are somewhat on the broke side and working just a bit less industriously than the slaves; I can’t help but wonder though set in London was that a directing choice, familiar looking down on wealth?

Yes I’m trying to stay out of the political realm, so what about the mystical story of Himiko, while that tale made sense, the idea of Lara’s father pursuing it or even Trinity is a bit of a stretch, with his money and their control. Also, Lara taking to the bow so well, yes she’s trained, but while her first kill without it brought forth such emotion, the following battles were a bit empty of such though Daniel Ku brought up a bit of the slack. Which is another thing, again Trinity held so much power but rested on fate to find labor or attempt to uncover the tomb though that would have been too much of a throwback to other versions, attacking the manor?

While Vogel is a decent bad guy, that’s just it; he’s just villain number one, he didn’t seem to have a solid plan which makes Richard Croft ridiculous. The bad guys don’t know so I’m going to set up shop at the front door, just to say you can’t come in. Now while not pivotal plot points, Lara returned to the pawn dealer but what about her training or her other job, yeah she didn’t exactly need it but was the beginning nothing but filler?

Am I asking for this movie to be longer… no way and the fact that it isn’t like any of its predecessors is a high point, only it does seem a bit rushed at times, and there wasn’t enough back story to fill it out. At least it won’t be one of those horrible video game to movie examples, if anything it’s just a blip on the radar, almost as if they were afraid of going too far with it.

Huge risk and high reward but no I believe three stars is quite enough; not a waste of money but if honestly pressed I would have watched Black Panther for the fourth time and as Tomb Raider is concerned, would the 3D version add anything honestly? Now I should probably put up a spoiler warning as if I haven’t given too much away already; everyone already knows where the film is going without any doubt.

There are no real saving graces even if the film was a bit la dee da; nothing stood out on screen for me besides Alicia’s beauty just wow and maybe figuring out one of the puzzles in the tomb. I already mentioned the one song in the trailer but as for the movie itself only Doing Me by RAY BLK is worth writing down. Another female hero for little girls I suppose and no bloody moments though, not entirely kid-friendly, but with the things on TV now I say go ahead and take the kids; I’m the cool dad, but I only have a dog.

My favorite part would be a toss up of when Alicia gets all Lara Croft minus short shorts; she’s wearing pants just saying or the somewhat iconic scene at the end when she indeed becomes; gamers will recognize. The worst was again the overall plan, sort of like Amy ruining Indiana Jones for Sheldon and the boys but tombs got to get raided right? At least they avoided some of the standard tropes like zombies; I swear there was a scene I expected a mess load of zombies, but yeah people can be horrible enough all on their own nowadays.

In all, this is a good movie to go and kill two hours, and I am somewhat disappointed this hero won’t get as recognized as other but I work retail, and they still aren’t giving Black Widow props, but that could be more to do with her weapon of choice. Only Lara has her bow for nearly the whole movie so. Three stars, more than worth a little bit of gas but keep your expectations just so low and like pretty girls and you’ll be Digging Up The Tomb Raider.

Cat Man, Black Man, Wow

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Wakanda Forever, to think I’m a black man that doesn’t like my people most of the time but this movie was a fun time in every sense. Though I am not one of the blind followers, but who’s reading, just see Black Panther. “Cat Man, Black Man, Wow”

I’m not sure there is enough praise, from astounding to zen-like for Black Panther and I choose wow. How could I do this movie justice and would it not be adding my admiration to the chorus of so many others? I could also go for all the drama and ideology from some regarding this movie and let me start by saying that just being an African American man has nothing to do with it and I can’t call myself a comic book nerd, just saying.

If anything as much as Chadwick Boseman and Michael B. Jordan did in this movie, you have to give it up for the ladies; sexy, seductive, and sensational, and personally, I’m having a hard time deciding between Lupita Nyong’o as Nakia and Letitia Wright as Shuri. Bring everybody to see this kid-friendly but enough to keep a grown man on the edge of his seat not to mention all of the stunningly beautiful visuals. As for the “Tolkien White Guys,” they were superb as well though there is one significantly glaring aspect that I think everyone is ignoring but what can I say Wakanda Forever.

Okay Fandango has been appeased so let me get a little more real with the rest of you, first and foremost I’m not your typical black guy, the only other Chadwick Boseman film I’ve seen is Marshall, and that’s because I got free tickets. I saw Captain America: Civil War because of all the hype surrounding it but Black Panther I’ve been excited about since the announcement came around. I don’t find myself agreeing with “my people” half the time, my whole life I haven’t been black enough but that’s another story, and finally, Black Panther gets one of his own, nearly devoid of other heroes, end credits, stay put.

Again there were plenty of heroes in the whole life of Wakanda, dare I say one too many maybe but I’m getting to that, but in all, I’m proud both as an African American, a Marvel fan, and just a moviegoer, I saw it twice. In case you’ve been under a rock, Black Panther is the story of the newly crowned king of the futuristic African nation Wakanda, T’Challa/Black Panther.

That right there blew me away which is indeed a sad fact, since the reason we want kids to go out and see this movie is the portrayal of positive black role models and showing a side of Africa even fictional that shows greatness and nobility. It’s a thin line considering how depictions of Africa are often but to add this incredible sci-fi universe and continue to embrace the traditions of the people and continent, incorporating all of it together.

As I am with the ladies, which battle I found more epic has me split. The ritual fight scenes and environments, yes CG but it didn’t matter I was mesmerized, and those fights might have been more incredible than Black Panther’s suit no offense. The Casino scene though, a great battle but just the idea of three black individuals and not that it hasn’t shown up before but T’Challa, Nakia, and Okoye just pounding away on a bunch of criminals, no suit, no guns, and no freaking mercy. Now the final fight and oh yes spoiler alert that’s what took me out of the movie a bit though and I can’t say this enough, but it was astounding and with a humorous moment or two.

There was plenty to laugh at most of the jokes were on point, maybe one or two just today’s pop culture such as “what are those” and the video Shuri was recording that you know would end up on YouTube. I think I’m starting to decide more on Shuri now, funny, intelligent, hot as Hell, though I know many women will side more with Danai Gurira/Okoye for her strength, I swear is there anything that Danai Gurira can’t do, guns, swords, spear, etc. I can’t leave the quiet moments out with Angela Bassett/ Ramonda/Queen Mother trying to protect both of her children Shuri and T’Challa or how about Daniel Kaluuya/ W’Kabi, Winston Duke/ M’Baku, there was not one single bad performance in this film honestly.

There were lessons to, that I think some might miss based only on race, for example, Wakanda’s policies reminded me of this America First mentality, and that the youth can and will lead, and how can one man be free if all men are not free. Personally, I saw myself siding with Erik Killmonger for most of the film, maybe he didn’t have the best ideas to “save the world,” but he made his points.

Now, this is where the rubber meets the road I have two facts that need to be made clear, the first isn’t so terrible but the second is going to make a lot of people mad like that’s anything new. Just know I truly enjoyed this film, I plan on getting it as soon as it’s available, hell speaking of points I could see it (without 3D) for free, and I paid twice. Also if you don’t want any spoilers, time to turn away and I might make someone mad.

My first point which isn’t much, black on black violence, a usual talking point for the alt-right and no I’m not talking about the ritual combat which I found to be exhilarating, heroic, and noble; I mean the civil war. In a movie that has brought about so much black unity in reality, that showed 4 out of five tribes in Africa united there still was a war, Black Panther and Killmonger were one thing, but again it’s demonstrated that black people all over can’t get along because of our differences. Now King T’Challa at the United Nations pushed for unity across the globe which was one of the best lessons, but I wonder about the battle of the three tribes is it just forgotten?

Okay, the highest point is the final battle the objective was to keep Wakanda’s weapons from getting out, Black Panther had to reclaim the throne in the long run I understand, those that sided with Killmonoger needed to be defeated and hello ladies. The thing is who was stopping the weapons, who was “saving the world,” who risked himself and fulfilled the primary objective… survey says; Martin Freeman/ Everett K. Ross, the white man. Just once, just one freaking time I want any minority to save the world, to protect themselves without a white man playing the pivotal role, and I’m sure there is some movie that it’s happened but ladies and gentlemen this is not it, despite my praise.

Everyone was playing there role I understand Shuri wanting to fight alongside her brother, Nakia and her love, Okoye and her troops but seeing as how they left the Queen Mother, hell give Angela Basset something to do with it. In all a fabulous movie by Marvel, allow me to sound like a little kid and say I want to be Black Panther, okay more like Killmonger, so Wakanda Forever, Cat Man, Black Man, Wow.

Lesson 257 ~Weak In The Knees~

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Who needs words sometimes, some people go to God, but I’m only a human that likes pleasure and let’s just say some girls look so much cuter with something in their mouths and while I can cook I was thinking of something else. “Weak In The Knees”

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Lesson 257 ~Weak In The Knees~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, I mean I suppose it doesn’t take that much trust for a guy to stick his dick anywhere, most relationships begin and end on that concept, and you even have to ask, how the first man figured out sex let alone blowjobs. You know I’m no different; even when I don’t care, I like to keep my options open; this girl told me once if I got her McDonald’s she’d be happy but if I made her my world famous pasta, I’d get a blowjob… I did both, does that make me, generous, selfish, or self-serving?

Haven’t I always said, I want a woman that not only keeps me on my toes but knocks me off of my feet, talk about ways to make a man weak in the knees or maybe I’m just getting old? Old enough to know the truths of somethings, the way to a man’s heart right, yeah I still get butterflies, and yes I like to eat, and all the work I do with these knees of mine just to get a girl on hers. How about the old idea that you take an arrow in the knee as a way of saying you propose, the right girl on her knees and then bring on forever and I could see myself taking an arrow to the knee but not today Diana.

I’m still just a man, not a God, not that I would demand that type of worship, speaking of which though “Cock Worship” is a must-have when it comes to a submissive and a future wife if I were ever that lucky. Before you knock it, “Bryci – Daughter’s Best Friend” talk about someone you want to listen to and at least we’re not talking about my dirty mouth at the moment, the things we do not to speak, like going down on a girl. If you were to ask me though, does a girl who spits or swallow, for some time, getting to cum on a girl’s face is the bee’s knees as some say?

One of the reasons I’m a damn good dominant and so demanding of a submissive, I spend too much time on my knees; never been one for thoughts and prayers but I got to keep doing my job and if I had some girl waiting for me to come back. Let’s just say Dirty Diana, that sucking me off makes her, Weak In The Knees.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 256 ~A Little Ahead Moneywise~

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Full pockets, pants fall off, that is surely going in the rule book, no women and the brink of starvation and I might just stay out of trouble but then again men always find a way and another rule, I’m Will, There’s A Way. “A Little Ahead Moneywise.”

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Lesson 256 ~A Little Ahead Moneywise~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, only this is not Dirty Diana’s day, I have more sexual secrets that I’m not quite ready to admit to, and I’m choosing to remain somewhat PG today, but I’m cleaning out my closet slightly, fetishes. Now I have never catered to a gold digger but yes a fool and his money are soon parted and how many girls can I blame for that, let’s get started?

“We’ll buy it; we’ll kill you about it, we’ll beg you for it, we’ll lie about it, and at the end of the day, we’ll lay down our lives for it!” Steve Harvey, Family Feud

My absolute favorite porn actress of all time has to be “Mia Rose,” call her an obsession, call it stalking, but I found out she worked for a “certain group” some years back and I got close to booking some time with her on “my day.” I also found out she had an Amazon Wish List… the days before “Patreon” and spent over two hundred bucks, on things for her birthday that then got lost, fortunately, I got my money back from Amazon. Now what was I expecting, this woman has had a hell of a career in the adult entertainment industry and now gaming, did I believe I could get her pants off… I mean just her and me?

Those that don’t learn from history right… “here I go again on my own” as the song goes but the latest girl, I would say is more obtainable, and I didn’t buy her pretty things because I was just trying to get her panties off, cheapskate. She and I are real friends, and before I got into buying her new undies, I bought her books; what it worked for the Beast didn’t it, but then again we’ve never seen Belle with her clothes off *cough* “Enchanted Bikinis” *cough* “Yandy” yeah.

If it isn’t treating actual women like living dolls how about a boy and his toys; would you like to guess? Once before “my day” I spent over three hundred dollars on a toy chest of stuff, I’m talking orifices, VR videos, lube and everything; what’s sadder paying for toys or paying some woman? The things men will do for sex, even now I erased “my day” from Facebook, but I always forget to delete it from the such and such forum and get a bunch of girls asking me to come celebrate in Nevada.

Forgive me Inspector Echo for having less sense, cents, and scents, love is in the air, it’s almost Spring isn’t it, but here I am using valuable movie points to go to the theater alone and hard-earned dollars for a fashion sense I can’t honestly enjoy; A Little Ahead Moneywise.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 250 ~U R A Fever~

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I can honestly say I didn’t expect to be writing this at the moment, a beautiful woman, a fantasy worthy of any porn but today I’m just the guy that couldn’t play the game. U R A Fever; was it because I’m sick?

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Lesson 250 ~U R A Fever~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, only for once I wish I was, it would keep me from making an ass of myself and speaking of which why does hers have to be so lovely, the things you notice when you’re horny. My mother taught me never to go shopping when you’re hungry because you’re sure to buy anything and don’t I have money burning a hole in my pocket right now.

“All that hate’s gonna burn you up, kid.
It keeps me warm.” Red Dawn (1984)

I’m not mad either, okay that’s a lie, but I’m mad at myself, a Dominant indeed any man, in general, isn’t going to score every time, it’s that fire, that heat, that keeps him going out there as if I’ve been going out there. Maybe tomorrow but seeing as how today didn’t go somewhat as planned; blew up in my face is more like it, back to Amazon I go. Hell, a Dominant has to spend money, not Christian Grey money but I like beautiful submissives. As the song goes “this is why I’m hot” because I’m horny, big surprise there right? I’m back to hating myself at the moment, and the heat is on, though the weather is warm. She told me that was my master plan to get her clothes off. I wish I were that smart honestly.

If you want to know how I saw this day going; she would sit on my bed, and I would show her the closet I cleaned out, just for submissive wear as I told her, you’re a gift, that’s why I wrap you in such pretty things. And I want to unwrap you. Now maybe this is something you need to learn *pulls out Playboy Scholar uniform*, and this must seem like Wonderland to you *pulls out Miss Wonderland costume* but princess *pulls out Enchanted Bikini Belle* you’re mine. I still haven’t thought of anything for the Asian inspired getup but I will, only my game is, just shit; not the shit just shit, you know game recognize game, Diana.

“The willingness to walk away, above all other factors, does more to tell a woman of your high value than any amount of money can. You must be prepared to follow through and to fully believe that you’ll never see or hear from her again, because women instinctively know when you’re faking.”
― Roosh V, Bang: The Pickup Bible That Helps You Get More Lays

You know how these days the cure is usually worse than the virus, for me if I’ going to get over my fever for one girl I have to burn for something so much hotter. So these past few days I’ve imagined this “Black Room” you know like “The Red Room of Pain.” It just doesn’t solve the underlying issue of a lack of females in this house, but at least I’m still not “Fapping” but seriously that girl, to say, U R A Fever.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 249 ~Top Shelf, In Drawers~

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It beats watching the idiot box, reading over writing, and better still to be living but wherever id I learn to do that; if you are what you eat, are you what you read as well, as R. Kelly put it, I’m a “Bad Man.” Top Shelf, In Drawers

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Lesson 249 ~Top Shelf, In Drawers~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, humiliated, ashamed, highly questionable maybe only that’s the thing about the internet, dare I call it eternal, as an Egyptian pharaoh said, “So let it be written. So let it be done.” Does that make me scarier than most men or are women not that capable; is there another apology needed; what I mean is, I’ve read plenty of dark erotica, the darker, the better and they say I’m someone who could do these horrors, what do you think, am I able?

Is this a conversation better suited towards Dirty Diana or Lady Sophia; I’ll attend to my actual sins soon enough, but I was thinking about E. L. James who wrote Fifty Shades, and they don’t call her evil, they think she’s an idiot. I recently looked up a former book “Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook” and found out the author went to jail; hell I still gave the book three stars. How about Roosh V, besides being hated by a multitude of women, and being a blatant racist, I read two of his books too; what about all the dark fiction as well, on my Kindle and phone.

Now for my crimes, one I consider myself a writer and I have written some pretty disturbing things, my fiction, my inspirations, lately my comments and while I’m no damn good, I’m not a criminal but join the chorus… wait. They say don’t judge a book by its cover, and while some of these titles have tastefully clad women, the majority have shirtless men and let’s not forget the two I read that were gay and one which was more an orgy, thanks, Kit Rocha. To be perfectly honest I’m more embarrassed with the self-help titles and “The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them” which I consider the Bible somewhat and even had the nerve to read at work too.

So why bring all this up today, maybe because it’s the stuff I don’t write. Personally, I don’t own any leather, but I have a closet of outfits, I am not the bad guy, but I was thinking about the things I would say to a woman. If anything I must be forgiven Inspector Echo because I do not wish to play Cyrano de Bergerac any longer, I don’t plan on writing a love story, if I am a dominant, I’ll “Dom” my way, but my words are already on some top shelf, in drawers.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 243 ~Don’t Pretend To Be~

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I don’t want to pretend, but I wouldn’t mind dreaming just a little bit more, and I have plenty of ideas, only I don’t want to lie, and she shouldn’t lie either or even want to lie at all. Don’t Pretend To Be; orgasms are not optional.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Lesson 243 ~Don’t Pretend To Be~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, for no matter what costume I decide she wears, where I choose, or what lesson she must learn, she will always be mine. If you don’t know me by now, lying is a pet peeve. Now I know I lie, and that is why I regularly have to reinvent myself and others, but as I heard in porn once, your naughty bits always understand what they want, vote with your crotch and all that, just saying.

When it comes to the bedroom women don’t like to fake it, and neither do I, maybe it makes me a mean person, but I don’t just take any woman to my bed, and before there is an uproar, many women would feel the same way about a guy like me. Now a costume doesn’t say I like the person any less but hell, if you knew the hours I’ve spent trying to find the outfit a certain pornstar wears or the stories I would want a woman to cosplay… Sick Fux Dolly, anyone? Let me also say this; I won’t be a lackluster lover either, people say I don’t communicate ever, sex and power. Could be one in the same and violence and not against lovers, but when I’m not in my playroom, I’m in my “playroom” GTA, The Last of Us, Until Dawn, speaking of TLOU, yeah I have some fucked up fantasies.

While I would like to have mutual fantasies, that’s optional but orgasms… as I said I refuse to be mediocre, I want to know I get a woman off and if I can’t that’s probably the only time I’ll take a lesson from a submissive. I will educate a submissive on what I like, but there should never be a question of whether she wants to be with me, that should be as easy as breathing, as necessary as food, as high as any drug, and as welcome as a glass of ice water in Hell. Of all the things women accuse me of; when I want somebody, I go all in and only stop when I hear a safeword or when I obviously admit I’m honestly a complete moron.

I don’t pretend to be perfect, but when it comes to these things I don’t pretend to be the sweet guy either, and the last thing I want is a submissive who indeed isn’t such a woman for me and so, Don’t Pretend To Be.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 242 ~Learned From The Best~

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I’ve learned you don’t have to make sense, I’ve learned that being a man means I’m usually wrong and strangely enough I needed God to tell me that, by the way, do you think he has a missus? “Learned From The Best,” a world full of women and all.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Lesson 242 ~Learned From The Best~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, or at least I have forgotten some, though I do wonder if I had more fears then than now, I think it has to be the latter. Haven’t you ever wondered why I call these conversations with you, the other girls and myself lessons; if anything I might as well be keeping a journal as one of the characters in Stephen King’s “It,” and speaking of fears I haven’t forgotten, *sigh* clowns.

Girls are less scary, I don’t remember getting spankings from my mom, grandmas, great grandmas, the worst beatings I remember were all from men but the physical pain has nothing on the mind. I think I told you or maybe I didn’t, who knows, anyway when I was in the fourth or the fifth grade, I smacked a girl on the ass and as far as I know, she liked it, and plenty of people congratulated me, but my father threatened to beat my ass. Is this going to turn into a defense of my father, he cheated on my mom so I think I’m decent there and I have said my mother taught me to be a gentleman at least to a certain degree.

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” ― Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)

Don’t get me wrong Inspector Echo, if you want to know who indeed taught me to hate myself I can talk about my father forever, but today during one of my frozen moments of regret and shame, I remembered when I was a little kid and I was at a store. I wasn’t trying to be gross or skeevy (I’ll never forget) I was just trying to find a place to hide and to play, and I ended up seeing this girl, and her mom nearly killed me on the spot. When I was in church, they had this tradition or something of the Tom Thumb Wedding, and everyone was like I should marry this girl Jeanette… it never happened.

You have to forgive me Inspector Echo, I wanted to explain why it was girls that turned me “icky” and I probably will at some point but long story short it was women themselves that warped my perception of women. I’m sorry I’m the one that’s icky now or perverted, depraved, skeevy and all that. Though I’ve never cheated on one, never hit one, besides my sister (childhood), and that I still can’t get over some past misdeeds, but you know, Learned From The Best.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 238 ~Waste Not, Want Not~

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Often when I get done with my writing, I think of how many words I wasted and how many things I want to say but going on two hundred and thirty-eight days there are always more thoughts, more words, more time to spend. “Waste Not, Want Not”

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Lesson 238 ~Waste Not, Want Not~

Hey Lady Luna,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, angry some, horny most days, exhausted always, and don’t even get me started on how I feel about my job… is there yet a word for such emotion because there isn’t just fear. This morning though I had to draw upon anger and what I realized is that my rage is not some finite resource, there is plenty to burn, so it’s not wasted but is it wanted, and yes I even looked up the old saying.

I spend my anger to keep it from overflowing, and that’s probably not the safest thing to say in this climate, but of course, you know who draws most of my anger. Wouldn’t I suggest the same of my lust but though I have a high sex drive, my money situation, well… just another reason to envy Christian Grey but I’m sure that leather costs more than the outfits I buy for potential submissives. My dollars could be better spent on a softer bed, two birds with one stone because apparently, I’m not getting enough sleep, but for a second day, I dragged myself to the dining room table to talk to you and work.

Is it sad that I feel like I’m wasting a god awful number of words, it beats having to talk to actual people next week, and even then I wouldn’t be allowed my first amendment? In this way, I don’t waste the truth on those people either, and as I’ve learned Lady Lu, with most girls, even speaking a fraction of the truth means I don’t get the girl but not talking at all? I’m sure I’ll go back to saving money now that Indiana Gone has departed, I’m going to miss having a movie partner but when’s the last time I wasted any tears?

The worst things Lady Luna are either immeasurable or I hoard but what about the best things… I suppose love can be a bit of both, I love my dog, but when it comes to myself, I don’t waste any, but I seem to be like everyone else, my company is unwelcome. For me, time is what I lose the most of, and that is what leaves me wanting, more money, more power, more women.

So what have I learned today, spend anger but keep enough to write, don’t waste money on a submissive you don’t plan on finding, spare less on sleep so you’ll have a lot more to contemplate Waste Not, Want Not?

I Will Have No Fear