Tag: Episode

Episode 109 ~A Greed With Will~

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Doing what you love isn’t working right; now I could tell you exactly what that is to me and most people would say that’s not the L Word, others would say it’s illegal unless you live in Nevada or Rhode Island. “A Greed With Will”

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Episode 109 ~A Greed With Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, did I mention I miss Hugh Hefner and now Dennis Hof, how about the man I want to be, the man I should be? Only Sloth trumps Greed in my book, which explains why I’m hopped up on 5-hour ENERGY. Will I ever stop singing praises to it, well people are continually going on and on about blessed coffee, football, or the “president,” but you know what revs me up, boobs, butts, and ahem beauty.

That’s how such great men made their living, and that’s what I want to do with my life, beauties in both book and brothels, but I’ve been thinking about a niche, well I mean other than everything. Most people I’ve talked to about this know that I’m into brunettes, I still haven’t figured out why considering I’ll go for blondes, redheads, multicolor hair, the list goes on; a man must have choices and I’m still a traditionalist when it comes to marriage. Not talking to that guy right now, no I’m staying a dreamer, and I should be a worker, yeah the guy that spent all of his pay and then some, if I could horde cash the way I do the ladies, and how I should my dark secrets.

I know this isn’t sounding sexy but besides being on hiatus from you know what, I’m thinking more business, not to mention I’m greedy with my time today, which is something I find more valuable than both ladies and money and if I chose between the two… Both are only a means to an end, POWER but nobody lives forever, and when I see everything that I’m missing out on; now I don’t want to be some old man with some eighteen-year-old out for my money. I want to be some old man taking other guys money and getting all my sex for free, and again I’m not getting into love today; love and sex can be entirely different entities.

At the end of each day though, we want it all but what are we willing to do to have that; sometimes I think I’m freaking insane; a friend asked me, what would be so bad about losing the day job I hate every day, to what, write a book about what I love? I choose the money because the idea of flesh, fulfilling a need, let’s agree maybe “fucking” looks worse than the love of money but I want more; A Greed With Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

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I’m okay, no more and no less, I survive one more day, and I think… yeah right, on to the next one and soon it doesn’t hurt so much, dare I say there is a little less fear after a while? Meet The Complacent Will

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t go to therapy; you think my job pays me enough for health insurance? Stay awake maybe, well look at me today, and eat healthy, again look at where I work. The thing is I still work there, so does Dumb and Dumber and as far as Dumbest, I could be way off the mark, but I haven’t seen him since last week, could I possibly be so lucky… highly doubtful, PCH hasn’t shown up with my big check as such.

That’s my first sin, but even you ask though you are way smarter than Rudy Giuliani. Can hope be a sin, I said yesterday I pray for my dog though I don’t believe in any deity. Every day I plan for the best, and I woke up in my drool, and I wanted to see a black man fall. My second sin is that this makes me as normal as anybody else, I remember when America learned Osama Bin Laden got put down and there was such celebration. Sure he was a killer but are we not better? I know a young woman who took a bullet and another woman who is a dear friend who got robbed, and neither has seen their assailants brought to justice, this world can be better. This leads me to my third sin, it’s people that make this world what it is, and another coworker asked me about my job and if I go through so much crap, hell like my boss, why don’t I leave, and that’s the magic word for today Inspector Echo, COMPLACENCY, I am complacent.

My fourth sin is that I’m willing to accept it, all last week and now this week it’s been; please let me keep my job, no fear Inspector, as I have said the fight does not bother me it’s what I’ll have to do. That’s five, the fact that I have returned to my normal state which is no damn good, wake up, go to work, come back and pass out, then talk to you or any of the girls about making a million dollars all so I can speak with actual girls. Even in that, I have become quite complacent maybe I’m that damn greedy, or perhaps I’m a pervert but if I counted that as a sin every single week I’m screwed right…

So what’s my plan for tomorrow, I could be wrong of course about the situation, and that means, the sixth sin for today. I am going to worry tonight, and the man I want to be should focus on making the world, well my world a better place; I want to be like Dennis Hof may he rest in peace. Will you forgive me Inspector Echo for wishing to see another person fall (nevermind). I apologize for being, well human. For accepting this life in its ways, for not “trying” harder, and for another night of worry. Hell for those five minutes I remembered someone else that threatened to ruin me, but I Ain’t Happy but Meet The Complacent Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

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Get well soon, nope, usually, it’s better to get Will soon, whether it be a fight at work, a reason to be fired, or some other calamity but the question is who will I be tomorrow, and who cares to know. All Will Be Will.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, yet I Stay here with you, for a little while longer and I don’t worry, more like a wish that all will be Will… yeah for a writer, I’m sure many an English teacher will have a field day with that. I’ve done worst in English classes, ask me about my freshman year in junior college one day but I close my eyes, and I know all will be well if I can be the man you always love every day.

If I can be the man that everyday kisses all of my children’s heads and tells my furry little firstborn “good puppy, good puppy, be good puppy *gives him a treat* I’ll be back, I love you, be a good puppy, make good decisions, always make good decisions.” Could I say the same for myself as you kiss me goodbye, is there anything better to stop my words whether they be angry, negative, or complicated as people seem to find them and that’s when they come at all. Is there a better way to keep a smile on my face, the needs of the many as they say but For The Love Of You, I want to be me all of the time, even when I can’t see him, I still don’t like mirrors much.

Is it strange that I don’t like first person shooters either but “Far Cry 5”… I learn but my point is when I’m leaving, and I’ll never bow to any religion but I pray for my son, and now I pray for you as well and my other children; I believe, I know you’ll be Alright. Again I don’t feel that way most days, people ask me how I’m doing and I find that question so freaking annoying because people don’t care, so I say “another day,” and when I realize at work, I won’t feel my rage. When I’m out in the world and don’t rattle, or when the average person doesn’t leave me with the look of “REALLY” on my face. So I come back to you, and I’ll always ask how your day is going, but you don’t need to ask me, I know you care too but how was my day, how am I doing, how do I feel right now?

I want to feel like Will, I want to love my family, I want to know I have everything I need and I get out of bed not because I’m in a hurry, but because hell maybe Shakespeare had it right, parting is such sweet sorrow and knowing me that’s the only sadness I’ll cater to. I want to kill… for fun, Far Cry 5, Detroit Become Human, Fallout 4, getting around holiday time. Yeah, I can be a monster, trying to be an Eagle surrounded by turkeys, and as far as the Santa Claus question *sigh* we’ll get to it, me and my motivations; when I love you will do, all will be well and All Will Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

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Today was an opportunity for a decent day, every day is born with the same hope, but you must be willing to fight for it both metaphorically and literally as other people take their chances and make their choices. “For My Opportunity Anything Goes.”

Monday, October 15, 2018

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Fifty-Forth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, I heard somewhere that you don’t wait for the opportunity to knock, you drag it inside kicking and screaming… everything is violent. I’m still caught up in last week. You see when I fight it’s not to teach a lesson, it’s not only the need to defend myself but when I reach that level I’m not even thinking about winning, I have but one function for the victory… kill.

“Tell me why you kept on kicking him. You had already won.”

“Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too. So they’d leave me alone.” Ender’s Game

One of my favorite motivational speakers says there are only three words that you need; “WHATEVER IT TAKES” this is what makes a person unstoppable, limitless, you do this because there is no other way. I was speaking to Cherry, and she said, writing shouldn’t be a chore, and I won’t lie to you, it can be damn hard sometimes but so can breathing, sleeping, hell being me, Superman (It’s Not Easy), so compared to all that, writing is natural. Everyday something can come of this though I can’t say I’m thinking positively in that aspect, you do remember why I got back into blogging, keeping anything close to a journal, find a girl that pisses you off, or that you like a lot, both ended the same way, honestly.

I have a question though; if writing is my Plan A, why am I still working retail, I even told my coworkers today, if I’m still at it in fifteen years, go ahead and shoot me but to think at one point I did see that job as an opportunity… the pursuit of happiness it is not. There was an opportunity today for a more permanent position at work, but seriously I couldn’t run a crew of three black guys, I like being in charge, but a whip might send the wrong message, and I’ve said it before, if I were white, hand me a polo shirt, and a Tiki Torch. Money though opens up plenty of opportunities which is why I’m always so concerned about it nowadays because without it… so why is right here and now so important, every day I take this time to get it all out, regardless of what comes of it, such ill will.

In every moment lies opportunity and I learned a long time ago, you don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules, I’ve been thinking about this at work *ahem* I’m not here to be your fucking entertainment, I’m not here to be your damn friend, I won’t be taking your shit anymore. I am here to make money, this is my opportunity to do something so that I can have a better life far away from you assholes and if that means fighting for my right to exist, can you hear me now, if anything For My Opportunity Anything Goes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 105 ~Beware The Walking Will~

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Remember my dream last week, I woke up before I figured out what happened to myself and no I wasn’t infected with their stupidity because I refuse, no my infection is RAGE, and that energy had to go somewhere. “Beware The Walking Will”

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Episode 105 ~Beware The Walking Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, a part of me wants to say don’t die, but that’s not a promise you can keep necessarily, especially after this week; you’ll reap what I have sown, and I can’t tell you I’m sorry just yet. You know back in those Navy days the thought of dying, never really occurred and there is a big difference in thinking you’re going to die and believing you might have to kill, always better to be the hunter than the prey my friend, remember.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTtETj3MtzA

I think that’s why you’re still here, so many suicide attempts but the plan was never to die but to get stronger, and last week I protected us, so you can return, damn I do owe you a bunch of apologies right now? You might as well save them up because if things go down how you are undoubtedly thinking, you’re going to need them, and if you do die, well, you’ve worked your ass off today but don’t get cocky those reviews should have been up weeks ago. If Today Was Your Last Day you wanted something to be proud of, and I am, the things that RAGE can do if pointed in the right direction or should I say if it’s transformed and as much as you want to deny it let’s look at those Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
Completed
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
Completed
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Completed

An 83.5 B and three of those were all you and not me, hell if only I had got up sometime last week and bought my son’s medication this would have been a clean sweep, and no parent should be greedy, there is no right there even if you keep that stuff in your Walmart shopping cart. Is it greed to want to live, to want to breathe easy at work, not to walk around waiting for the inevitable because Monday as Rocko would put it, “is a very dangerous day” but not getting fired shouldn’t make this list. Speaking of that, this is the first time in a while you need all new goals, well except the first two and the last but here’s to these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Church. (Church #1) By Stylo Fantome
4. I Will Review “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
5. I Will Finish Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

You know I’ve never been one for final words which means one more idea that you are not expected to die, and even now it’s not a fear of losing, no you fear success because most days yeah you wake up and feel like you’re dead and since when did “walkers” develop feelings? No you fear what you’re going to do to the other guy, well guys because of the monster inside you, the rage that infects you but I’ll only ask you to look at what you accomplished today, don’t Pretend We’re Dead, dammit I want you to live, Beware The Walking Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

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As the song goes, don’t dream it’s over but my dream last week did nothing to ready me for what I would face this week though I am trying to figure it out, these hands have been bawled into fists or clutching weapons. “An Hour Of Will”

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, it would help if I went to work, and I have faith if I could ever get my writing down that I would be so much better off, or at least that was the dream. Speaking of which, since I had that dream Sunday, I have lived the nightmare, and I’m still trying to figure it out, but my sleep has returned to a state of nothingness; every so often I am even able to forget the trouble I am in this week, the next, never?

You see now I think the hospital symbolizes that somebody was going to get hurt, and nobody would believe this if I told them but if you compare me and that asshole you see he would have fought to win, but you know how violent I go Lady Lu… Didn’t I say the smallest dog has the loudest bark but “my bite” what else do they say; the fact that I was running in a hospital shows that I didn’t plan on dying, I Don’t Fear The Reaper, death is afraid of me I know.

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” ― Mark Twain (Found On Goodreads)

“In this life now, you kill or you die…or you die and you kill” TWD

Others might think I’m losing my head Lady Luna and in a way, I am because what’s my new favorite word… RAGE is making me forget all common sense; I need my job and hell how long was I in college anyway, maybe I was running away from wisdom in the dream. Then again why is it that all supervillains seem to be “wicked smart” if I had fought, already I know exactly how I would have beaten that bastard, it’s like something out of Detroit: Become Human and talk about stupidity, if I got fired though I definitely would have gone on a shopping spree to cheer myself up.

I have no problem with telling you what I would do afterward, fighting that trash though you see he would have been brawling. Instead, I would have been… I can’t say it because that would get flagged as something else, which is why I write fiction mostly. Killing fictional people is so much simpler, and I have no problem baring that part of myself to you or maybe I let my emotions get the better of me at work and I let them see the beast, a peek, a glance.

The time I have spent being angry and afraid, when like Barney Stinson I could be awesome, which is about as much positivity that you’re going to get from me today but what do you think of my dream interpretation but An Hour Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

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It won’t be a best seller or some grandiose poem, not some song lyric that everyone gets wrong on Youtube, how a movie line that shows how the guy gets the girl *sigh* nope it will be how I didn’t get into a fight at work. “File It Under Will,” FAME.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, because I’m not as young as I used to be and if I’m reading all this political mumbo-jumbo right, I won’t be seeing any social security checks; one more reason I should have died young. I’m aging like crazy from worrying about the day job, and now I have two whole days to think about what’s going to happen next, and it feels like I am always writing lousy news, unfortunately.

At this rate I may not have a choice but to write but you know I’ve never been published before or hell I thought I was at one point and how did that turn out for me… as always I should be grateful for what I have now, back then I was begging for a laptop. “Indiana Gone” is perpetually busy with her paperwork, but I haven’t dealt in honest to God paper in forever until Tuesday, and strangely enough nobody ended up bleeding, but the words fell all the same. One way to kill the spirit my Lady, doing what I love in the place I hate, and what about when I went on that yearlong tirade of poetry that barely received any recognition, but then there’s a whole notebook that’s sitting in a college filing cabinet somewhere. There’s even more ramblings with the police, more Inspector Echo’s thing.

My point for today is merely the fact that the only writing of mine that has blown up, in my face, is anything that gets me into trouble and this week I brought it on myself but what choice did I have? The battle cry of the truly committed because when you find your purpose (burned through my motivational playlist) you have no choice but to do it and isn’t that where we find ourselves on day 468 but how long have I held the day job… I saw on a plaque that I have worked there for five years, though at this moment it’s over seven years and I may have ended it with the stroke of a pen.

May I be so loyal to writing as I have been to that place, my hands cracking and bleeding but at least I’m not like one manager, writing about how I was hurt at work but wasn’t I Lady Sophia? Hurt feelings right, maybe I should stick to nonfiction these days, I mean all you have to do is bleed right, and in my fictional stories it’s never me that does the bleeding but in reality, File It Under Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 102 ~And Find Will’s Remote~

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Fire burns until there is nothing left and since there aren’t kisses coming in my direction or candles igniting, these flames are left to burn; no I’m not carrying the fire I’m being engulfed by a worse desire. “And Find Will’s Remote”

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Episode 102 ~And Find Will’s Remote~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How to make One Million Dollars, well I don’t spend any on BDSM leather, and other than condoms I don’t know much about latex, but before I even knew what it meant being “dominant,” I learned one word… CONTROL. When I was young, hell even today, I have issues with anger, now to me RAGE equals ENERGY, and since violence gets frowned upon and I can’t sleep how do I expend it, those days I cleaned.

I can feel your anger. It gives you focus… makes you stronger. ― Supreme Chancellor, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005)

It was all I had Dirty Diana, but if I could have a clean environment, it would clear my mind, I suppose it was a form of control, and in my day to day life I have so little of that but the ability to focus… I let go of everything, fear, hatred, this rage that has engulfed me except I don’t have anything to tidy here and at work, that’s the problem; sex and violence, you see with sex I want complete control, I may be “kinky” according to some women, okay, but I maintain control because there’s life. With fury at another man I don’t give a fuck; with sex and my enjoyment of sadism, hurting a lady in certain ways is pleasurable to a degree but with violence against the men that have wronged me, there’s no pleasure, there’s madness, a beast and what he wants, I cannot speak, I mean honestly.

Now I’m not having sex with the ladies, and I’m forbidden to harm the “gentlemen” (those bastards) so no wonder the beast is at the gates, and the rage is overflowing, and that’s making me even madder because I’m being told to “be myself” again. Yes, they would make me a vagrant with no place, less verbose in my language, the victim. Not sounding very sexy I know and yes I’m repeating myself, but it’s one of the reasons I’m in the lifestyle, to make someone feel as though they have a purpose and at the same time powerless, and to have a peek at the real them. Death is but a parody of life, I can get the thrill in my rage against a bully but what is the opposite of it, calm, clarity, contentment but that requires containment.

Graves can do that, so can a girl’s clothes if you tie her up in them, some might even put their faith in God but I’ve got nothing but Rage and Pain, and the thing about that is, pain can be shared and can be good in some ways. When you ignite that hurt though; when you make someone fear and hate, you can’t control them, and for damn sure you’re not in control of yourself, I must manage the beast, And Find Will’s Remote.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 101 ~Will Quake With Fear~

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I’m not afraid of the giant, and I will not fear the rage, but like most Americans, I fear to lose my job and why would I… this land is full of bullies, and while I believe survivors when it comes to “my people” *sigh*. Will Quake With Fear

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Episode 101 ~Will Quake With Fear~

“All human wisdom is contained in these two words – Wait and Hope” Alexandre Dumas

Forgive Me Echo,
How to make One Million Dollars, well I know you don’t burn down the beanstalk, hell I wanted to fight the giant, and in that rage and fire, I may lose the treasure and so much for buying any more beans, magic or otherwise. Fee-fi-fo-fum what a giant. That’s one more sin because I’m not a great judge of character. The giant was Dumb. Dumber was a bit shorter. The one around my size was Dumbest. The smallest dogs have the loudest bark am I right Echo?

Am I yearning to return to high school, my second sin of this week is I’m going to repeat a lesson in philosophy *ahem* the best thing in the world is to be loved, barring that they like you, no good, be respected, not happening, be invisible, but people joke… then be feared. It took me four years, by my senior year I may be small, skinny, quietest award winner but I was also the one that would F* you up, third sin Inspector Echo, my language, I only like to use that word when it comes to sex. Now is not the time though, I’ll tell you about the story of “four” another day, but my forth sin is I don’t have time, I might get fired tomorrow and what would I be… Wise, Wicked, Warrior, Will, the man I was ready to fight for, still can’t believe it.

I’ve already covered this in two statements at work but okay my fifth sin and possibly my gravest… Tuesday morning I was at work walking the receiving line, Dumb who I have promoted to Dumbest was as well, he wouldn’t move and neither would I and we collided. So I’m not backing down, he threatens, I stand my ground, we let it go. Later on, I bump him, it was an accident this time around, but still, he threatens, again I hold my ground and the manager breaks us up; well I’m a reasonable human being or a scared one maybe. Not afraid of cutting off his balls but This Is America, so I reported it, should I count snitching as a sin or the thought of how I would have brought that giant down, I’m not sorry for standing.

No my sixth sin for the finale is that I always live in fear, when I was a kid it was my grades, when it was money, waiting to be caught stealing, and let’s not forget November the 5th, the worse trouble I’ve had at the day job, and Here I Go Again. So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for not recognizing true threats, for repeating a lesson, for swearing, also this lack of time; shall I be forgiven for the inevitable but most importantly of all the fear because for one more night I Will Quake With Fear.

“Hope strengthens. Fear kills” Fever

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

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There is a reason my parents never got me boxing gloves, why I believe we need stronger *ahem* laws, and even Negan said people are a resource, not a blessing, not a gift and yet standing up for myself. Greatest Gift, Me Will

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

“You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as It Gets (1997)

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, with the way things are going my love, I think I’m going to need a doctor, like when I first met you, a nurse for the fight I almost got into at work, or a lawyer and not for defending your honor, no baby girl, boys will be boys. Probably not the correct thing to say in this climate and do you think I have always treated women with “dignity and respect,” well you as a woman, my wife, lover my best friend (don’t let my son hear that on repeat ever) mother of our children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_KHgfzs5rc

Now Whitney Houston sang about Greatest Love of All, but I have never bought that one must love themselves to love others, I would lay down my life for you or our children without question but before you… That’s a crime against you if we weren’t together and I would never do anything to hurt you like that, and I find out why I saved myself for you (life wise my love, the experience is a process). To this day I don’t know what the greatest gift is that I have ever given you, my heart, my soul, my mind, what about time, or courage because after today I am afraid because I love my family. I want to provide for you all, tradition, chauvinist, maybe a man believes in many things, and he must fight for those beliefs always.

Today I learned how much I believed in me, that I love myself, fighting for my kids is a no-brainer and fighting for you, would that make me “The Black Knight” yeah no filter at work which is part of the problem, well all of it, my love, fear, and TRADITION. I wanted to fight for me, and I didn’t care about being a provider, or even about being a better man, I wanted to be a man, I wasn’t defending you or anything I hold dear I was fighting for “The Man Right Chea.” Honestly, I didn’t know I cared so much about myself. I would fight, and I would win all to come home to you, but again I did not swear to enter the fray for you my Lady, it was all for me, and I don’t know whether to be so very proud or completely devastated.

“Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” The Talmud

“Instead of tryin’ to help a nigga you destroy a brother” Tupac, K-Ci and JoJo

That’s not you though; I do imagine myself as Prince Pairs being nursed back to health should I have lost the battle, Prince Hector to die for a crime or Achilles himself to fight because of my reasons, no matter what they were. You would love me regardless; sad that I have to imagine, or that I should fear but the fact that you will even listen to me, this man that nearly fought, who may lose everything tomorrow because I gave into my rage.

You love me, and I love you and the fact that I spent over an hour writing two statements about what happened today the man that lies with you now, this man that would fight, I love myself, I love me, and that means I’m the Greatest Gift, Me Will.

I Will Have No Fear