Tag: Fear

Log 314 ~It’s A Wash Will~

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Last week I started off talking about $300. My Granddad gave me $100 when I thought once upon a time, I would be a songwriter. He’s in the hospital now with the Coronavirus, and I’m back to being, well me. “It’s A Wash Will.”

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Log 314 ~It’s A Wash Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but at least you have a job. The work you want to do though SIGH I don’t know what to tell you. Of course, I’m better at asking questions… are you going to work on GULP at all, for example? I’m one for the status quo, but every single week you’re asked to be the better man. If you look at right now, slept late, imposing time limits to get things done. Food is the overall goal, which makes you no better than a Walker. Better not to be a jogger or even a black man here.

Now I don’t mean to get super political with you. Today is about the idea that you can’t be less than or again the status quo. You could blame the world you know or at least America. Two black men are killed, and it could be you. Your grandfather has the Coronavirus (COVID-19). I want to get mad at you for not caring, but do I care? In two days when you read this, I doubt much will have changed. That’s the whole point that nothing is changing for the better, and you’ll always ask the question, could it be worse. Back to the Day Job and how it was Thursday. Other than the boss not touching me, it’s the same. I am sick of the same as every day. I’m one greedy S.O.B. “pardon my French” I always want more. So that’s why I’m sitting here one more day. Yeah with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Completed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Receiving Any Warnings Or Security Threats Ever
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Zombie Survival Guide
    Failed

I did #3, and I’m changing #5. Not a day goes by without some robocall. I still jump at the phone every time Norton or H&R Block sends a message that there is nothing wrong. The blog has been down twice, not because of a “problem” but “maintenance?” I want to tell you to stop worrying, go all Dale Carnegie if that would help. Only your entire life is what you say at work daily “Another Day,” one more you have to survive. A Minimum Wage, you live a Minimum Life, bordering on the minuscule. Meanwhile, it’s your stories. The BROTHEL owners, the BOOK writers, the would-be BOYFRIEND that live. Like you though hell, nobody’s interested or worse; they’re all Indiana Gone, Whisper Girl, Cherry. Only here’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Making My Bed, Every Day For This Week
  6. I AM Finishing The Zombie Survival Guide

All men are created equal… right, It’s A Wash Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 313 ~Will The New World~

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Well, last week I asked what I do for money, and now sometime soon it will be back to the Day Job, I suppose. Indeed I finished one book and was working on a long-overdue poetry compilation. Will The New World?

Saturday, May 9, 2020

Log 313 ~Will The New World~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be all into the. Brand New, as the song goes. Lady Lu, as per usual, I speak to you two days from the past. Time travel can be quite finicky, so if I told you I would find myself here? I’m a man having a panic attack, exhausted, well hell, isn’t that every day? Today though, I have received my marching orders to return to the world. Only the place I knew wasn’t so great. The land that awaits me, I’m not looking forward to. For now, I can’t see the aftermath, but there are other worlds.

“Only a man unable to handle the actual world would create another one in which to hide.”
― Andrew Davidson

I’m not suicidal, but at this moment, I want to return to the blackness of sleep. It’s no secret that I’m lazy above everything Lady Luna. Look, you’re my first girl, my favorite… my light in the dark, closest to where I want to be. In the night, not having to face the new day. Only when I find myself thrown into the world, I build new ones. One more reason that I’m a writer. I need somewhere to go, but then it’s like something out of The Handmaid’s Tale. My worlds are never “Better” for everyone, especially women, but I’m not in the mood today. I don’t wish to be one of these STUPID people comparing having a Day Job to some worse part of history. Still, I feel like I am doomed to repeat it as soon as I leave this “warm” bed.

“Better never means better for everyone… It always means worse, for some.”
― Margaret Atwood

I say it like that because I’m not sure if it’s the weather or my blood running cold. Fear freezes me, and there’s another F-Word that heats me right up. I’m not angry, though, and the other feeling I’m avoiding like the plague all around us. Coronavirus (COVID-19) hasn’t given me the world I imagined, as if I could handle it. Again I’m sitting here in bed trying not to think how good I had it and all the work I could have gotten done. Now I sound like Trump wasting my time. I don’t believe I will have the luxury of losing myself to the music or some audiobook. If I call upon the future, it will always be for My Dæmon’s continued health and the world I wish to build for him.

Today though (Thursday), is this normal or Will The New World…

I Will Have No Fear

Log 312 ~Play The Hero Will~

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As the song goes, “Here I go, playing the star again, There I go, turn the page.” I wanted to talk about Star Wars and my mind when to The Hero’s Journey, and then I remembered I don’t write heroes. “Play The Hero Will.”

Friday, May 8, 2020

Log 312 ~Play The Hero Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how many of us do they call heroes? Often enough, I’ve written that I am no hero, I am but a villain. Not a Smooth Criminal, a Smooth Operator though I try. I was a second away from quoting Yoda, one more figure in The Hero’s Journey. SIGH Star Wars.

Like yesterday I said I wanted to make this Star Wars week, but what have I been reading? The Call to Adventure or Cade, Anna, and Cherry all leave England. Refusal of the Call, Cade refusing help, Anna and Cherry refusing to change, the Father in denial? Meeting the Mentor, Cade, Anna, and Cherry talking to the Father and him meeting the Boy. Crossing the First Threshold, Anna with the Father, Cherry’s next kill, Cade’s fear. Belly of the Whale, Anna and the Father in her home, Cherry’s body, Cade and Caitlin. The Road of Trials, Cherry spying, the Father’s investigation, Cade’s madness, Anna’s denial. Of course, Lady Sophia, this is a reach at best, and you can thank Girlfriend Reviews for today’s ideas. If anything, I want to understand my story better, I figure.

Continuing forward, The Meeting with the Goddess. It’s when the Father gains information about the murders. It’s also when Anna and Cade finally get together and don’t realize they will be together forever. The Woman As Temptress when Anna offers herself again to the Father when he has Cherry and Cade also has Cherry. Wanting to spare Anna and Cherry and the tapes used to secure their freedom if need be. Oh, Genevieve, and Hanna.

Atonement with the Father/Abyss, the Father/Old Man, faces down against the Boy. The murderess Cherry is discovered. Cade and Anna are also in attendance. Apotheosis, the Father comes up with the idea to save Cherry and Anna, while Cade is shot but lives. The Ultimate Boon, the deal is done. Cade will marry Anna, and both mother and daughter will work off the debt, the Father becomes a killer. Refusal of the Return, Cherry refuses the last poison order. Cade gets in trouble, the Father takes his first victim, Anna is made a “housewife.” The Magic Flight, Cherry is entirely a woman along with her mother, Cade is made “cuckold” the Father is in control. Rescue from Without, Brooklynn, and Gretchen are taken. The main characters prepare for the wedding.

The Crossing of the Return Threshold, Cherry, and Anna are terribly alike. Cade gets to indulge in both. The Father makes money. Master of Two Worlds, the Father is in charge of both the sanctuary and the cathouse. He doesn’t yet see Cade breaking down and what will be Anna’s reprisal. Freedom to Live, with the deaths, the Father is now free to leave behind one or both worlds. If he so chooses to. Lady Sophia, I have gone overboard in a way, and again none of my survivors are ever meant to be heroes.
Father… Play The Hero Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 311 ~Star Wars Again, Willy~

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I should have made it Star Wars week now that I think about it, but still, I like more girls in the Star Wars Universe, well in the entire universe than there are days in the week. Anyway, let me bring three Star Wars Again, Willy

Thursday, May 7, 2020

Log 311 ~Star Wars Again, Willy~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, dare I say approaching a trillionaire if I owned Disney? When I was young and went to Disney World for the first time, I said I was happy. Isn’t that what you are supposed to say there, hell what did I know. Let’s ask what sparks joy in my life. Shirtless starlets, swords indeed lightsabers, and Star Wars. Two out of three ain’t bad, but here we are today. To think of it, Diana, I should have made it Star Wars week. Anyway, so my top three Star Wars Sluts.

Now you know me, Dirty Diana, so this should be easy to guess. Of all the stars amongst the galaxies far, far away, these three… (Homer Drool). We begin with the original. Leia Amidala Skywalker, aka Princess Leia. Leia Organa, General Organa, Leia Skywalker Organa Solo. Again I can never be one to simply fuck some girl without knowing her. As the song goes, I’m not good at a one-night stand. Anything else about her… played by Carrie Frances Fisher. Her Hoth outfit is my second favorite, but always Slave Leia. If I were to design slave outfits ever damn.

While I’m all about innocence and purity, hell this week, I was watching something on The Handmaid’s Tale. A bit on Madonna-whore complex. You ever heard you can’t turn a whore into a housewife? Before I get too much into my head ahem Padmé Amidala, aka Padmé Amidala Naberrie, Queen Amidala. Dirty Diana, I’m not looking to be saved, but I already mentioned Homer, right? He asked Marge once, “I need you to do this with me.” I’m Anakin, and I need my Padme. Plus, choking is a “Soft limit” of mine. The things I would do to Natalie Portman.

At last, we come to Rey Skywalker, played by Daisy Jazz Isobel Ridley. We have firmly established that I have a thing for hot brunettes with sweet tits ha. Should I also mention I don’t care much for sand? There is a song, though, that says, “Make love on a beach of jet black sand.” I still dream of having my family on the beach, but today isn’t for that. I’m thinking of Leia doing Jabba or sharing Han. Padme being punished or rutting inside ravishing Rey over and over. Should have shared but no, dreaming Star Wars Again, Willy.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 310 ~Willy Time, Slow Time~

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Wasn’t I here last week, lost to the porn, worried about my pup, trying to find anything else to worry about besides the proponents of the puppet in the White House. The things one finds to do. Willy Time, Slow Time

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Log 310 ~Willy Time, Slow Time~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I were white with a rich Daddy, this would have happened overnight. Making that kind of money takes time, and I have that. Yet again, though, I ask myself, what have I been doing with mine, time being money?

Well, of course, sex Inspector Echo, what else is there? Having finished, The Eve of a Cherry, I find myself lost on what to do next. I shot down somebody looking for a Beta reader but can’t find any for myself ever. When somebody calls your work, “interesting?” Hell time flies reading but goes ever so slow when you’re EDITING. The only thing slower is me finding some girl to… yeah, I know not a compliment. Still, I’ve told adult entertainers no and when I finally broke. It wasn’t with, Call me a Legend, but how many ticks and tocks have I wasted playing that game these past few days? I remember playing, Heavy Rain, a certain way because I wanted to see Madison Paige strip. I won’t speak evil of Call me a Legend though, I don’t have time to tear myself down today.

Seeing as how this conversation is two days ahead, you know today is. Star Wars Day, which means I have plenty of movies to watch. One more day I’m taking off and SIGH, I have to watch the video from my Day Job. Fear takes more out of me than anything. So what has scared me today? Not much other than walking My Dæmon and hearing the sounds of construction. I remember when I was a child running through the woods so fast, and the house seemed so far. Even at thirty-five, I can go back to that moment. The wonders of time Inspector Echo.

Not anymore, though, like most days, I have fallen into a routine. I wake up late, have these conversations, post the one from two days ago. I usually fall into a nap and wake up late again to work on my book. I “want” to read, and somehow end up playing The Walking Dead or Call me a Legend. Dinner, and then there are the nights where I stay up until one or two doing well “stuff and thangs.” The worse thing about time… my kid winding down, the stairs are his test these days.

Sadness, Willy Time, Slow Time.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 308 ~Preparation H, Hungry, Horny, Humiliation~

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Happy Birthday Indiana Gone and Happy Star Wars Day, May The Force Be With You. Only rules are rules. Today I’m talking about #135. I’m always preparing to write, to finish a game, to deal with people. “Preparation H, Hungry, Horny, Humiliation”

Monday, May 4, 2020

Log 308 ~Preparation H, Hungry, Horny, Humiliation~

Hundred And Thirty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and besides that, I’m always one for alliteration. Now let me start today by saying Happy Birthday to one of my dearest friends Indiana Gone. She won’t like me saying this but ahem guess what day it is; STAR WARS DAY. Funny and sad that this is a “holiday,” I can remember with no hesitation. Much like my hundred and thirty-fifth rule. Whether I want to or not on these “three commandments” as the Christians say. Hang all the law and the prophets. As the song goes, “I’m only human after all.”

During the Plague Era of Coronavirus (COVID-19), I leave here only for “good” food, GPS, and guns. For now, I’ll start with food. Whenever I walk into a store, my first question is always, does My Dæmon have enough to eat. He eats before I do, no matter what. Again with the apocalypse, people have often talked about returning to “normal.” I’ve decided that I can’t live my life THIS WAY. Only here I am Madam Justice living week to week. Still scraping by with the weekly McDonald’s and Piggie Potato as rewards. Now I’m by no means starving, but my cooking range continues to be limited. Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m hungry for my words, writing and then I have my kid. I should also keep reading The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks as research.

If I’m not doing that, though, what have I been up to? According to my scorecard, it’s been 32 hours since the last time I “broke.” I don’t remember the last time, but before that, it was Rebecca “Backyard” from Marvel Charm. Madam Justice, I know I need to resist these horny “spurts” of mine. One more reason I’m not getting enough sleep these days because what was I busy doing? Half the time, I was downloading a new game with some delectable beauties called “Call Me A Legend.” The other I was adding to my “Motherload” of videos and pictures. If anything, though, I did tell a pornstar no today shocked. Yeah, I want to buy Marvel Charm videos of Rebecca and Alissa, right?

Before I go Justice, can I humiliate myself further other than drooling? I try Madam Justice to get ready for it, but to most, I’m a joke. Ready, Set, Go Preparation H, Hungry, Horny, Humiliation.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 307 ~Trust Fund Baby Will~

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There was a time I believed $300 would fix all my problems, once I trusted myself to keep my mouth shut, I had faith in God, and for some reason, I knew good would win but those coffers have run dry. Trust Fund Baby Will

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Log 307 ~Trust Fund Baby Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and how I wish I could say I’m leaving it all to you. No, as always, I leave you only the opportunity to become someone better. You have one “edited” novel. Now you’re on @disneyplus and @netflix all because of some women, of course. Before I forget, Happy Birthday @TheAliceLittle. Also to Indiana Gone, though her birthday is Star Wars Day. You also have Cherry’s Birthday on the 28th. I hope you won’t go asking for pictures of her boobs for the month. Now I would never trust you, and you won’t believe me, which explains today.

You can’t be like the rest of them, you know, PEOPLE. Tell me you didn’t think we were going to talk about money when I mentioned “Trust Fund?” The Man In The Mirror, when will you trust him. How about your Dæmon, sleeping by your side. His every breath is an act of trust. Like yours with your Olds, I suppose. The lights are still on, there’s water, water everywhere, and you still have the car. I want to say trust is life, but how will being amongst the living treat you? The last time you were out, not so damn well. Yes, I’m still mad about Taco Bell. Hell, maybe you should rage at the politicians. The protesters that aren’t being shot because they’re WHITE. Or the Coronovirus COVID-19 plague that surrounds us. What to trust? Again these words of my Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Receiving Any Warnings From Norton About Security
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Editing For Camp NaNoWriMo “The Eve of a Cherry”
    Completed

Number six, is that all my words account to? 50,000 words to a group that has no idea you exist, but for some reason, you’re with them. Yes, NaNoWriMo is good, but you couldn’t even trust yourself to get up when you said you would. Noted, you want to write, you want to learn. Have you noticed in your stories your character never dies ever? You can trust them to mean what they say, but what about the people they are supposed to trust. I would give away a big spoiler, but again we never know who’s reading. What if those people believe in you. Only more to the point believe in who they see in these words, and that’s never you? I mean the man that you want to be. So yet again here we go Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Not Receiving Any Warnings Or Security Threats Ever
  6. I AM Finishing The Zombie Survival Guide

I trust you’ll do better, bet, Trust Fund Baby Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 306 ~Will Comes With Interest~

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I sort of despise that question, what do you do for fun? I’m more, what do I do for money? There’s reading, but I want to be a better writer. With what I call writing, I want to get paid. What about everything else? Will Comes With Interest

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Log 306 ~Will Comes With Interest~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should get a few new interests. Preferably one that pays well because it’s always about the money with me? Every single motivation I listen to says, “DON’T FOLLOW MONEY.” Still, I’m worried about getting back into Far Cry 5 or hell, Final Fantasy 7, what about Mass Effect?

Anyway, I’ve spent some time pondering the “Big Questions,” for example, why are people so STUPID. I hate that word, but people are fighting to stay broke. What kind of “man” am I hoping that most of them die to make the world a better place? Is it possible to save us? M Anime believes the end is nigh, and yet she’s falling in love with a trucker. Cherry is falling for her publisher. Confession time Lady Lu, and while I usually save this for Inspector Echo, here’s the question. Has any woman felt “Romantic, sexual love” for me minus the price tag? I told The Karlee Grey, who’s one of my top ten favorite pornstars ever I rather talk to you than throw out another $20.00. Hours ago, I felt stirrings, and with this evening? I read that the Quarantine could affect my libido, explaining how horny I’ve been.

I haven’t checked my bank account lately, but didn’t I say, money is what matters? Lady Lu, I should be taking this time to read. The Dæmon thinks I should cut the grass in the backyard. What about my gun? I should learn how to load faster and should head to a gun range. Talk about a lack of courage. I’m still upset that I didn’t have the balls to drive away from Taco Bell. I paid for a taco I didn’t order. I didn’t complain. Which I planned on doing. Yeah, I want zombies?

Then who would be left to read The Eve of a Cherry? I finished the first round of edits only yesterday. Speaking of which what about the Gown of Chaos, which is a “small” story I started years ago. There’s also Gulp, which is May’s project, if I’m not headed back to the Day Job. Oh, why should I talk about myself getting paid though Gay For Pay came to mind on OnlyFans? No, more like spending money to lead people to you, Lady Lu. So many ideas today, you know, Will Comes With Interest.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 305 ~Avoiding The Breakup Will~

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I’m so behind in my reading these days, SIGH. Probably because everyone has their own story of what’s going on in the world or how I’m going to get through the next few days, did I mention complaining about Taco Bell… no. “Avoiding The Breakup Will.”

Friday, May 1, 2020

Log 305 ~Avoiding The Breakup Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be reading old Ford financial reports. Now before you think I’ve lost my mind, that’s something I heard from Eric Thomas. He was talking to Warren Buffett at the time, and I get it. Mr. Buffett was saying he was reading about past success to model his future. So what have I been reading Lady Sophia? Yesterday I spoke some about The Three Wise Monkeys “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.” I should read more wisdom because these days, what I’m reading for avoidance…

Last night it was the time on the clock ticking away. My Dæmon must have wakened me up a dozen times. Do you remember when I got sick from @MuscleMilk? Wash my damn hands because my firstborn was sick like that too. So I was cleaning up after him. It beats reading about something happening to him, right? Every day Lady Sophia, my boy, gets older, bumps into things. Here and now, I refuse to ever write the words of his… well, whatever he’s going to live forever, but still, I see tributes to other fur babies. I’m freaking John Q when it comes to my son. What about my book then, “The Eve of a Cherry,” hmm? Back when I was reading The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money by Dennis Hof. One guy was talking about the girls and was saying something like “that’s someone’s daughter, where is her Daddy?” Sad right?

I’m sick of reading about my past crimes. Not that I regret writing The Eve of a Cherry, but that young woman has a Mum. Hell, I wrote about her too. Then again, I wrote for a year about “dolls” and that girl in junior college? Well, she wasn’t amused. Even now, I watch the money flow because one of my favorite pornstars wanted to make me a video. At least I’m not begging Cherry, M Anime, or Specs. Yeah, I had an ulterior motive for joining her crew, didn’t I. Finally, I keep reading about the man that I want to be, but I’m not. Cherry talks about rejection, another writer wants me to pull a Beta. If I’m always rejecting my words, though, I was never much together.

I love writing and reading, but Avoiding The Breakup Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 304 ~Well HELLo There Will~

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How does one avoid Hell and not live a miserable existence? Well, if I look at my life, I seem to be headed in both directions, as “Hot, Hard, and Horny” as I am. I’m not sick, well not that kind anyway. Well HELLo There Will

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Log 304 ~Well HELLo There Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, by being, HOT, HARD, and HORNY as HELL. Well, I have read much about the way to Heaven, the straight and narrow path. As the song goes, the Stairway to Heaven. On the other side, the road to Hell is open and broad. The Highway to Hell if you will. If we’re talking about something being big to quote yet one more song, my Enormous Penis. What, Dirty Diana, I told you I was missing the music these days. Music was the escape, and Love is the promised land, but LUST is so welcoming now.

I should shut my mouth okay with these ideas, but I want to close a woman’s instead. If I could speak no evil, then chances are I would never talk at all. Sex allows me to be quite vocal, but even that is a competition with a woman. One more reason to like blowjobs, I guess. Is that an evil thought? Since I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the “darkest” person I know, how best to silence myself. A woman’s screams, of course. Hell Dirty Diana, it’s like I became “Cade in The Eve of a Cherry,” he needs “HER” pain to hide in. I only now saw that, which leads me to “see no evil.” Dirty Diana, that is what I’m having the most trouble with now. Am I calling pretty, pretty girls evil? It’s my one-eyed monster that is seeing too much.

Should I say no, considering I’m usually busy in the shower? Again with the music, I Want To Hold Your Hand. I’m trying to keep mine busy though, that’s why I like handjobs too. A writer’s fantasy and would make me a better one if I could keep both hands on the keyboard. Would my heart be in it, though? What heart you’re asking yourself and above all else you know I LOVE boobs. Yes, I still somewhat regret using that word. But I was talking to Inspector Echo yesterday about so many tits. It makes me sound like an ass, doesn’t it? Being a black man and yet I was always more boobs than ass though if you read my novel, half and half. Am I not going to talk about the ahem pussy?

For now, you know I know the path right to Hell; Well, HELLo There Will.

I Will Have No Fear