Tag: Fear

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

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Well the hum drove me out of the Den once again, no Far Cry 5, watching wrestling from bed and letting people know about my problems; as I told someone today, it’s another day. Will Changes His Tune

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I “know,” the Law Of Attraction is what it is and such. Now I’m not jumping back on the positivity train. Every day, haven’t I said something about the humming? Well, that makes it hard to listen to Don’t Worry Be Happy. Inspector Echo, it’s getting to the point that I don’t know what to do with myself if I don’t hear that buzz. I’m also not one to join in the Super Bowl festivities. Yes, it’s still Sunday and am I jumping three days ahead now, not tonight.

If anything, I don’t want to get up earlier than I have to again. Somehow or another, I was able to tear myself away from my latest acquisitions to talk to you. Why do I need more noise in my life? You know, half the time, breathing is a little much for me to contend with, but here I am. Only isn’t that what I was telling the neighbors this evening? Inspector Echo, that’s how bad it’s become, that I’m reaching out to strangers for help. The truth is, these are my neighbors, but didn’t I ever learn stranger danger. Don’t remind me of how my grandmother scared me STUPID that I’d get kidnapped. I remember for a few weeks, I slept with a whistle around my wrist. Nowadays, it’s a ton of hardware and a bunch of alarms about the Day Job, avoiding lateness.

Yet didn’t I say I wanted to change my tune, and this is sounding a lot like the usual. How I miss the silence “My House” once gave so willingly. At least this morning, I was panicking for another reason. The car was frozen over, and I had to fight through the ice. Still, more of the usual Inspector Echo, how I do whatever it takes to get to places that I can’t stand. So, of course, this afternoon, all I did was lose myself to a dream. Imagining the place I want to be instead of making inroads there. If it’s any consolation, I did come up with a few ideas for further conversations. Now, if I wanted to hear anything right now, it would be dead silence. I think now the problem could be the plumbing, so I want to snake the toilet.

I’m sorry, was that too much, these problems, what about solutions; Will Changes His Tune.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

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Replace “talk” with “write,” I write too much, plus I’m a low, middle-class black man and things wouldn’t turn out so hot under the law but then look at the president and why one of my favorite songs is I Wanna Be Rich. To Talk Means A Vocabulary hmm

Monday, February 3, 2020

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

Hundred And Twenty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have three different rules about money. None of them say money talks though it’s the meaning. You know I usually tell you I don’t mean to be political. However, these past few days have all been people talking about what they say and language. I tell you about all the humming/buzzing going on in “my” place. My dæmon tells me everything, and he’s never uttered a word. My Mom would tell me my “Father” loves me, but if anything, that’s said with so much cash.

Is that where I get it from, hmm? I wouldn’t say I love my membership with SubscribeStar Adult, but I still forked over $20.00. How about Jada Chan, that was another $10.00. Indeed, money is a universal language, and I don’t like what mine is saying. Oh yeah, I’m still downloading, though, aren’t I? My money tells me, I’m going to be working at the Day Job for the rest of my life. How about I’m not worth much, so I’m not getting that “lettuce” both for tacos and my experience. All my green is telling me goodbye every single day despite what Trump’s tax plan says. Okay, as Eric Thomas would say, let’s get away from money though he has plenty. What about Grammarly and Hemingway? You know I use them to check my writing daily, and I don’t even sound like myself anymore.

For the most part, I sound like a pervert, for example, the way I talk to Cherry. What about the reason I talk to M Anime? There’s also how I organize “certain” files in my universe. It’s as if I’m walking around with a gag all the time. Speaking of time, I should say this before I run out of time and words. Four hundred words a day, or I try. Anyway, if what I speak isn’t inappropriate, it’s downright STUPID. One of these days, it will take over as number one beating the term “Skeevy.” Again I keep writing because words like sorry, hate, and basic you know what doesn’t cut it at all. I talk about being honest, but that usually turns out being, precisely what people think I am. Madam Justice, I value the power of knowledge but take a look around.

I want to learn to speak loudly and clearly, ROAR. To Talk Means A Vocabulary

I Will Have No Fear

Log 216 ~Will And His Hum~

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I’m a fan of hundreds and hugs from pretty girls but not so much hunting and especially humming but somethings you learn to live without or live with and so as Elsa put it, here I stand, and here I stay. Will And His Hum

Sunday, February 02, 2020

Log 216 ~Will And His Hum~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you would probably spend it all on a soundproof room. Of course, I’m not only saying that because it’s Super Bowl Sunday. As always, here is your reminder that today is Friday. Yes, I continue to travel through time, and perhaps you will as well. I’ll tell you, yesterday I was all but ready to kill myself trying to destroy this humming. There’s always a worse sound, my friend, something to remember. I scrounged up what little courage I could find, and then I listened for but a moment to something.

$180.00, I still recall when I thought that $200.00 would solve everything. All this morning, I was going over the books, $1,500.00 to my Olds, $220 for the Alamo Fund, and other investments. Anyway, so the people say $180.00 for them to stop and listen, no thanks. What about skeevy? Yeah, that is something I’ll never forget as I’m sure you won’t. Here we are, in year three, and I can’t let go of my hate. What evil men “will” into existence? Not to get political, but by the time you see this again, Trump will be a free man. One more reason the hum should count as a blessing. I’m sure plenty of crazy people will be shooting in their celebrations. While we’re talking about guns, what about Far Cry 5? I missed playing two days because I was hunting the hum but not those SIGH Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Failed

I’m sure this has become your hum, the endless drones of 0’s passing by day by day. I wonder, will you be the one to turn the tide. Today there was the sound of me trying to keep the kitchen clean, making my bed. I do apologize that come Sunday you’ll still be hobbling along because of what I did to your big toe. You’re a survivor, though, so is your Dæmon. Breathe in, breathe out as your motivations would say. For the love of everything, though, will you stop talking to Cherry in a “certain” way? No more dreaming about “Specs,” either. You also have $200, but no girl is going to put up with this humming since you won’t pay that, $180.00 hearing. Time for Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente

I’m sure you’ll break again over the humming, but today it’s almost like fuel. Escape it, Will And His Hum.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

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Every little bit of silence, I feel hope, funny I didn’t mention how my phone has scared me with every single sound and was that only last week, and now I need more noises to terrify me 24/7? The Will Is Silence, I hope.

Saturday, February 01, 2020

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I know why people pay so much for silence. It’s always my fault, you know, everything. Now Lady Lu, that’s some noise. The voice inside my head. And not the hum that’s coming through loud and clear now that I’ve cut the fan off. You know how often I talk about gratitude, the one point all my motivations agree on; it never fails. I should have been grateful for the ants last year because even that beats the constant humming. Had I kept my work ethic to see Alice Little, I would have more than enough money to not worry about the problem I’m facing.

A horse, how about my kingdom for a ladder? While I’m speaking on standing tall, I should work on growing a spine. Well, I did get a haircut, but I hesitated at the post office. I wouldn’t honk at the person at the drive-thru, and instead, I was going around. My biggest sin of all? I didn’t call back the electrician on this humming, and why? I’m afraid Lady Lu, of being in the way. The sun keeps rising, the world keeps spinning, and I don’t want to bother anyone. Today I bought a stethoscope trying to hear through the walls. Tomorrow I might buy a ladder so I can get to the roof myself. I’m not suicidal, but I would indeed kill myself before asking for help. Even dying, somebody would have to go around me, and so like I said yesterday, I’m Alive.

How about my poor dæmon, he must be going crazy with the noise, but he stays cuddling me wanting to help. He’s getting too old for all the foolishness though he still barks from time to time. My ear still hurts, and I ran over my big toe with the garbage can trying to make it to the roof. I could have fried myself with all of those switches trying to kill the noise. My greatest wish is for silence, especially now, one more day where I’m not reading. I’m still looking towards my future, so will the next two days come around, and I will be laughing about this problem? What about next Saturday, if I’m not crazy by then or my kid goes all Children of the Corn.

Somehow, One Day, only a second The Will Is Silence.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 214 ~Willie That’s A Series~

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Last week I thought it was the neighbor’s wall, then their satellite dish, something they have making that awful racket, now it could be my wall, the plumbing, or the plug outlet, so much reading on humming. Willie That’s A Series

Friday, January 31, 2020

Log 214 ~Willie That’s A Series~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not much of a reader. If I were, I would tell you I finally read my latest novel. I might not be worried about what happened here today though My Dæmon is none the worse for wear. At this time I should be playing Far Cry 5 and telling you a story about a fish. When I woke up early today, I wanted to speak on ending that damn humming. Why can’t I tell you there are no more pains or scars? How about I wasn’t “late” to the Day Job? I defeated that infernal humming; no, only I’m alive.

Sometimes, that’s all you can say; I’m alive. The story of my life has yet to reach its end. Count your blessings, my motivations say, and again breathing is one. I had a good lunch today. For once, the kitchen isn’t a bloody mess because I woke up early to clean it. Excuse the language, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Cherry use the term “bloody,” but it sounds English. I’ve also had Game Of Thrones on Youtube. Pretty unwise, I did catch up on my sleep this afternoon. My Day Job wasn’t bad, though again, I got that question of what you’re doing here. I’ll give them credit for having the courage to ask me because I won’t ask myself. I’m listening to another playlist. I don’t have the money for Audible, but I still have Dennis Hof’s book.

His story ended years ago, but there is no shortage of tales in this world. One more reason I’m hesitant to finish Naughty Little Christmas somehow. From what I’ve read, this leads into a sequel and possibly another series. I’m more of a book traveler than a time-traveler, or I would like to believe. I want to learn something new every day, and isn’t that my rules, my writing reasons, things I’m grateful for, Lady Sophia? Indiana Gone is out there, starting a new chapter with her hubby. My other friends are moving forward, the best way they know-how. If anything, I’m stuck on the same page and that even opening my eyes is a victory. Let’s not start on my novels that are a series, and I have no idea how that happened, but the fact is I’m Alive.

How many copies of myself and Willie That’s A Series?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 213 ~Will Pulls An All-Nighter~

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In one ear, out the other, too bad, I’m usually thinking about filling other holes, and if only the one in my bank account were full, I would be all set and wasn’t I trying to hire a maid once but now some company’s coming. Will Pulls An All-Nighter.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Log 213 ~Will Pulls An All-Nighter~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so it’s been a while since I’ve slept alone? If I had a million dollars, what would be the first thing? Two girls at the same time? Life goal to wake up with a naked lady every day. Talk about facts for today. Well, I’m trying not to; I’m sick, scared, so slightly aggravated, etc.

What ticks me off more than having a chance at tits and fucking it up somehow. How about my “father” coming for a visit and leaving my dæmon all alone with him? Yeah, you can see where a naked lady would come in handy for somethings, Diana. More than sex?

My motivations always discuss not living in the past but those that don’t learn from it SIGH. There was the time that lady needed money, but what would she do to get it, hmm? I gave her five bucks for nothing, and let’s not talk about my views on charity. Only is my cowardice any better? These past few days, it’s been rough. I haven’t had to worry about convincing pretty girls to do anything. The porn is helping for moments at a time, of course. Finally, I’m still pretty mad about last night. Dirty Diana, I couldn’t figure out to help Cherry, so why bother asking her anything else. Now tell me when’s the last time the tech support guy fucked. Now the nerd always gets in some girl’s panties. Chances are it wouldn’t have happened regardless. It’s like Leonard wanting to give away his stuff because of Penny.

All night I worked on poetry. When it wasn’t that, I was trying to fix the computer, and still, I’m wary of the piss-poor job I’ve done. The things I do for women and I can only wish that it ended there. Tonight I should be cleaning the house. Why, you ask? The bug man is coming around and again, my father. I’ll be up listening to that humming too. As the song goes, when you worry, you make it double. Yes, I’m fearful, and I don’t even want to talk about it. Only it’s more like desperation these days. I also thought about taping aluminum foil to the window. Well, since you’re expecting some sex? A fantasy of mine is tying a woman up in ribbons from medals and beauty queen sashes. Not my night, Will Pulls An All-Nighter.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 212 ~Will Of Computer Illiterates~

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Last week I talked about sweat and blood, and I’m “man enough,” to admit there were tears of frustration and considering it’s taken me two whole days to get this conversation done. Will Of Computer Illiterates yeah I want to sleep more

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Log 212 ~Will Of Computer Illiterates~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can pay people to do things. It would be nice to have my own “FOS” (Friends Of Spinelli) or “FOW.” Yes, once upon a time, I watched General Hospital, the women are beautiful. I’m also a big fan of Studio Fow, and you can look that up at your peril Inspector Echo. Only I’m not ashamed of once liking Soap Operas or my obsession with Adult Entertainment. My fixation, passion, I’ll even say mania, I’m surprised I found time to talk to you.

No, that’s not an insult; I give my energy, time, money, and even my books when it comes to a pretty face. Is that what inspired me to watch the Royal Rumble, yes, a catfight might do it for me sometimes. Could it be the reason my computer is slowing down? I should probably run System Restore, but not until I solve the current issue. Today I wanted to talk about the perils of adulting. It could be my bum ear, my hands that feel like I might have pulled something. Well, that will be my leg at the Day Job, no doubt. What about the constant humming? Didn’t I say once I was learning to live with the drone? I’ll admit I was wrong when it came to that. My biggest problem today is I’m trying to be “The Man” and still acting like a little boy. Yesterday (Sunday), everybody was mourning a GREAT man in Kobe Bryant, SIGH.

Again I’m not mocking, but not crying either, and several people died, it’s sad, but I’m not reading about that anymore. What I am studying is Cherry’s poetry, again and again. A man doesn’t want to fail a woman. So since 1:00 PM this afternoon, I’ve been working on a project for her and failing miserably. Remember when I was playing Far Cry 5, another Clutch Nixon mission “The Lord of The Wings?” Inspector Echo, this is so much worse. I’ve talked women out of their clothes, but I can’t break a page? I don’t have the time to look up the differences between a geek and a nerd. However, unlike so many bullies thinking, wearing a pair of glasses doesn’t make you either. I’m a horny guy thinking if I can’t do this small thing well, I’m not much.

Sorry, Will Of Computer Illiterates

I Will Have No Fear

Log 210 ~Texting Speed Equals Want Need~

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I’m still plenty for tradition when it comes to books and writing, but I do use my laptop, along with everything else, and you know I was never one for conversations over the phone on in-person, *shudders*. “Texting Speed Equals Want Need”

Monday, January 27, 2020

Log 210 ~Texting Speed Equals Want Need~

Hundred And Twenty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because as the song goes, I “Say” what I need to say. Now I can run an empire by my phone one way; only I still need to speak. If anything, though, I still prefer text be it the Day Job, my Olds, or “dozens” of other people I prefer not to talk to ever.

To quote another song, “What About Your Friends?” Since I am in a foul mood, forgive my impression of “Scar” my friends. The humming is beginning to get to me, that’s been going on for days on end. I wonder, can you text a handyman? You can, I’m sure of, but I’ve already cut off most of the house trying to find the source. So back to my friends who I’ve texted every day for at least a week now. Indiana Gone called me the nice guy, which I don’t mind coming from her being honest. It’s my other friends I haven’t seen undressed though.

One more reason my phone is my enemy at the moment. Now, like most people, I have come to rely on it far too often. You know that old song, Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes, it’s become, phone, wallet, keys. Let me go all Austin Powers, spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. I’m more Kid, Phone, Spectacles, Wallet, Keys. Even with all of this, there’s still the constant fear of hacking. I swear I checked my phone and had a few open pages, and now I’m wondering did I close them. With all the humming, you have to forgive the music; Somebody’s Watching Me. Okay, back to texting, I’m always saying something so STUPID. Of course, you know what’s been my motive for the past couple of weeks; I’m giving money away. Not on Patreon or Onlyfans, needing the personal touch.

You know writing Cherry another poem for starters. I also have to get back to M Anime, but I’m busy talking to you. Indiana Gone is my best friend, and I only need to keep her so. If I were to put the three of them in a list? No, I’m not that crass. Yeah, this coming from a guy whose poetic aspirations include Breasts, Tongue. Thighs, and Behind. No woman would tolerate such poetry.

I need friends, but I want more as always, Justice, Texting Speed Equals Want Need.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 209 ~Will Of The Humdrum~

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Someone once said that life should be a wonderful adventure, but when was my last one, October of last year, and now when I stay awake for anything, it’s because I’m afraid until that fear dulls to worry. Will Of The Humdrum.

Sunday, January 26, 2020

Log 209 ~Will Of The Humdrum~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you can’t imagine money being boring. A heartbeat, this humming in the house, but never all the money in the world. Yes, I know you can think higher than a billion, but there is always a cause for order and such. Now speaking of money, Andrew Yang’s plan would be useful right now. As far as your future finances, now what did I say about having order, well I don’t want to talk about it now. Well, I do, but all this FEAR that surrounds me.

Who knows, the law of attraction being what it is, you’ll be fine. I gave up the positive thinking on the 21st in case you don’t want to look back. Of course, you have to keep going. Again I’m speaking as a time-traveler today is Friday, but I’m staying ahead. I don’t want to talk about what’s wrong in your life right now. Only what you have to look forward to, my friend. See, I can’t even keep that promise because your “father” is visiting, and another $375.00 is saying goodbye. Now, if anything, you should show gratitude for Rule 15, which states, “I Take My Own Lumps.” It means taking responsibility, and a man pays his debts. What about the fact that I have been “indeed,” productive today? I don’t get Grammarly’s problem with the word rather. How about your problem? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Failed

Two of these Impossible things I could beat before “Sunday” and if nothing gets in the way? I find time to play Far Cry 5 and write poetry for Cherry, so why not these things. Do you remember it was a pretty little redhead Alice Little you were striving for, hmm? A trip down Nevada way, and you could use the excitement. Rockford was scary, but you were alive, you were alone but living. Like something out of Divergent, FEAR doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up. It’s your worries that make you unconscious. You are a strange human being, but you know that already. You need to be focusing on the things you don’t know. If you don’t know, now you know to quote The Notorious B.I.G. How about I stop quoting the same Humdrum Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente

I’ll tell you what, I’ll get some reading done today and you on Sunday agreed? Positives about Fears, they’re not dull Will Of The Humdrum.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 208 ~Run, Hide, Something Will~

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We should run, we should hide, we should kick their butts, but no, I believe I’ll lie here a little while longer until my dæmon gets hungry if only he knew the man that his dad is in life. Run, Hide, Something Will?

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Log 208 ~Run, Hide, Something Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that answers a lot of questions. One of my motivations says to ask yourself this question. What do you want to be proud of tomorrow? Today I’m asking myself, am I ever going to leave this bed? Yesterday I told myself I’m not running from my problems because there’s nowhere to run to now. I’m not hiding, but my ear is screwy yet again because I didn’t clean it, Lady Lu. What do you call anyone with lots of cash, who won’t consider the truth? And is by all accounts a criminal and a coward?

I don’t want to be a Republican. With all the stuff I’ve been finding, I better be above all else. Plus, I don’t hide from the truth Lady Luna like Budd and Bill, I know I deserve what I get and the day is still young. No spam phone calls, no suspicious logins, no scary emails from security. Yeah, they’re probably waiting for the Day Job when I have to sit there and stew. It beats lying here in sweat and smut. One more thing that makes me a Republican, having close ties with Russian girls. Oh, and instead of China, I’ve been getting back into Japan, and you know which part. I had a “friend” who would be quite annoyed; I can’t tell the difference between China and Japan. Now, country-wise sure. Only I’ve been racking my brain wanting to figure out where the granddad was from in the movie 3 Ninjas, that’s sad.

Either I’m too lazy to look it up or is it depression. Should I be saddened that I was so out of it yesterday (Wednesday) that I missed NXT? My motivations would say I should show gratitude for the progress I made in Far Cry 5. Now Republicans don’t show appreciation. They only take and then complain someone is trying to take their lives. I’m fully aware of all these things that I have done. Even more so, I’m letting everyone take my life while refusing to live it at all. If it’s not that, then I’m upset about the Day Job having me work so much. What could I have done today Lady Lu? I won’t fool myself into thinking I’m going to read anything, I will only survive.

Run, Hide, Kick Their Butts Blah Run, Hide, Something Will.

I Will Have No Fear