Tag: Fear

Log 184 ~We Breaking Up Will~

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Happy New Year and I do mean happy because if I’m not well, no, I won’t give in to negativity so then what’s the point of Inspector Echo, just the facts ma’am and I’m not that old. We Breaking Up Will

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Log 184 ~We Breaking Up Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you’re not a gold digger. Well, at least no more than I allow. Anyway, to answer your question, we probably should but no. Are you a hard habit to break Inspector Echo, of course? Do I have far worse addictions? I’m on edge as we speak, considering it’s still New Year’s Eve, Tuesday. It’s pretty awkward when I said I’m not going to beat myself up anymore. I can’t afford it; I mean, it costs me a billion dollars. I’m not a SUB or SWTCH, so time to DOM up.

Still, I better enjoy today while it lasts because on Wednesday, so okay. First thing, I’m back to dying on Far Cry 5. The angels killed me once, but more so, I blew up my truck. What about those Vietnam Lighters? Next, seeing as how it’s a brand new year, I need to get the car fixed. No more walking blind with my eyes shut, if that makes any sense. Can I be afraid of my “father” forever? The Day Job, of course, continues to be humiliating but only because I allow it to be so. I indeed have a choice, and one of them is to tell my boss to quit touching me like always. No, not like that, but I hate those touches. Now, what did I say about “Edging,” I’m wasting time, I could get more sleep if only I would buckle down and do the work?

So what will your job be if I’m not going over every single humiliation I endure. “Just the facts, ma’am” and no Inspector Echo, I’m not that old, not yet. If anything, I’ll tell the truth and then let it go, no more stewing. One of the things that make me a good Dom is I know the other side, a Sub; it’s like the light side and the dark side of the force. I’m a little gray. Now that’s a good example; my “beard” was gray. Not how I feel about it, only honesty, and no more. I’m getting old before my time, and while Cherry (cue homer drool) is into that, I’m not her type. What, I won’t be ashamed of desire, but I won’t revel in it either. I have a new year to see Inspector Echo.

Happy New Year, none of this We Breaking Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 182 ~Sometimes There’s No One There~

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Last week I talked about moving, but the question remains where am I going and as for today, well other than making sure the dæmon and I are eating I haven’t gone far, because who else is there. Sometimes There’s No One There

Monday, December 30, 2019

Log 182 ~Sometimes There’s No One There~

Hundred And Seventeenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so more money for me and dæmon. Today, which is Sunday, there were plans for a great many things. The thing is, nobody is watching me except Big Brother and the next scam artist. Now that last potential model wasn’t pretending but talk about saying no. No, I didn’t get up on time today, no my dæmon didn’t get his walk. How about no, I won’t be correcting today’s blog. I did finish reading Snow Angel last night. Let me enjoy my negativity while it last. No more come the new year, that’s for sure, do it.

Yes, I did double up on the dæmon’s bathroom necessities. I got double the beef thanks to Walmart and their substitutions. Yes, I found out my math was off some in my savings, so thirty dollars set it straight. Anyway one of the points of today is again, nobody is watching me at all. Why do you think I work so hard at the Day Job? I’ll always be working there if I don’t get out of this bed and do something. I don’t mean telling you the latest actress that caught my eye, Classy Cassy. Once again, no more complaining about everything. The fact that no one is watching should give me the freedom to do anything. Only, of course, you know where this conversation is going. My motivations often talk about what do you do when no one is watching. Well, I slept, sleazed, and now I’m slouching here in bed another day.

Now that’s what saps the most energy out of me, the FEAR that everyone knows. I call myself an open book, but what would happen if I lived up to that. More importantly, what would I become if I took on my life? I tell myself that the fans are there, the females, the family that consists of this second of a sleepy fur baby by my side. Everybody else has given up, or they have me pegged for a role. Peggies, oh, that will come in handy in Far Cry 5. When’s the last time I went a day without talking about that game? If no one is watching, waiting, or wanting, it shouldn’t matter how fast I move. Oh, there’s the man in the mirror. I avoid him, and we both know why.

Sometimes There’s No One There.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 181 ~Peach Willing I Will~

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I’m looking at “New Year’s Week,” and I’m still a day ahead as if I can’t wait to leave this year in darkness; 2019 wasn’t so bad, so what’s more mistake, well until Tuesday of course, stupidity and fear I’m leaving. “Peach Willing I Will.”

Sunday, December 29, 2019

Log 181 ~Peach Willing I Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and we both know that’s Princess Daisy and not Peach. I also don’t mean to get all political with you today. Peach as in IMPEACHMENT, some men couldn’t be better if they tried. No Will you’re not President Trump terrible (shudders). In this stage in the game, I would be proud if you were “Clutch Nixon.” Yes, you will be playing Far Cry 5 in the new year. The question is, what else will you be doing come 2020. You’ll ask that question on January 5th if you bother to remember, right?

What will you remember about this year? In the past hour, money is a great servant but a cruel master. Ease is a greater threat than hardship. All of these sayings, coming from the “man” sitting on a loveseat “trying” not to watch Youtube. You don’t want to give in to addiction, though another potential has emailed. Gaming isn’t helping either Mass Effect or Faith Seed. So what gets you going, what gets you motivated above everything else, WOMEN. Well, that or the Dæmon who is sleeping comfortably beside you, my friend. How about money, that is of course what’s pushing you right now. You’re putting $10.00 down, and if you don’t touch that money, you’re not getting it ever. There is always your book Will. Let us not forget as always, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Book, That Is To Be Chosen
    Failed

You’re starting back at one point; you are alive. My fault, I know, I could finish that review today if I wanted to Will. Snow Angel, which is the book I’m reading, isn’t that long, I could complete it. Why won’t I, you ask? I’ll sit right here and blab until 5:00, and then I’ll read and get caught up on the phone. After that, I’ll play Far Cry 5 until it’s time to eat something that isn’t growing anything. I might finally answer M Anime, and then I’ll fight the addiction until bedtime. At least I’m a stickler with clocks, but the year is ending, the decade. Tomorrow won’t be better; Cherry is still sick, in search of a Monday, and what about you, Will. Picking up groceries and a box of chicken on the way to the poor house. A habit you’ll stop but first Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing Snow Angel

No more putting yourself down, Peaches & Cream, Easy Street, winning; Peach Willing I Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 180 ~Less Than Willing, Weak~

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Am I willing, well that’s my name, “Will,” Willie, sometimes I don’t know considering it took an email to HR to stop the calls of Mr. Willie and that was when I was lucky, but I’m lazy? Less Than Willing, Weak.

Saturday, December 28, 2019

Log 180 ~Less Than Willing, Weak~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a billionaire right now, and for most, comfort makes for weak men. How do THEY say, Fake It To You Make It? All I know is comfort when I’m not at the Day Job or anywhere outside. Even getting nearly eight hours isn’t helping. Why not eight, My Dæmon decided not to walk to the bathroom. Oh, and I’m an addict, not a doubt in my mind anymore. Of course, you know to what and when’s the last time I’ve gone a week. My motivations would ask what it’s going to take to change ever.

The year of Will, when I’ve already lost three months, last September. While I’m on the subject of the past, what about the movie Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor, SIGH. Am I starting to show my age, Lady Luna? Where was my “father” at my age? I bet it wasn’t in bed watching YouTube videos on Far Cry 5. I’m willing to do whatever needs demand to advance in the game but not in my life? My Dæmon looked at me as though I wasn’t ready to do anything. Like Father Like Son, he didn’t want his morning vitamin, treat, or any meds. I’m not suicidal, but every day this house becomes more like a coffin. If anything, though, I prefer it to the fires or the freezing that is my Day Job. Then again, what have I done this week to avoid going back other than stay a day ahead blogging? I continue to search on PCH like one day, yeah, here’s one million dollars.

Do I have anything to tout about this week? A couple of days not dying on Far Cry 5, but one day I didn’t play a full hour. The next, I had to replay the Exodus mission to save ALL the hostages. What can I say, I don’t like to lose? Sitting here in bed, growing a beard, eating cupcakes for breakfast. Yeah, so locked up in my addiction, I couldn’t bring myself to go downstairs and make pancakes or anything. I would say I’m going to be nothing but positive in the new year, but I’m not a liar. I’m lazy, lonely, a loser, but no, I won’t lie. You’re telling me to stop it and believe me; I understand that I must. Next week, new year and decade.

Why wait, I should get up; Less Than Willing, Weak?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 179 ~Will’s Books Aren’t Fair~

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I could finish reading one more book, reviewing one perhaps, I could even revise one if I didn’t stay in bed all-day or if I went to bed at a decent hour; before 1:30 in the morning. I should treat every day like a Book Fair. Will’s Books Aren’t Fair

Friday, December 27, 2019

Log 179 ~Will’s Books Aren’t Fair~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now; I tell you it’s like Book Fair Week every day. Am I upset I didn’t get anything for Christmas? Okay, when I was a kid, I didn’t have any money for the Book Fair. I bawled, but somebody bought me a book on baseball. Now while I loathe baseball, I did gain a passion for reading and maybe sex. My point is that it was one more reason I wanted to write books. Well, also recognizing my name to be sure.

So today isn’t Friday as you noticed, I’m still staying a day ahead. I wrote on Christmas Day because, honestly, what else was there to do all day? I’m time-traveling again as it were, trying to, I don’t know, change my future. I didn’t start SIGH today. I meant to do so much work on GULP. Again I had a hardy breakfast. Judging by the weight of My Dæmon, he’s reaping the benefits. Something more to be grateful for, I know. What about on Christmas Day I played Far Cry 5, and I did not shoot the deputy or let anyone else kill him. In all fairness, I didn’t play for a full hour either, NXT was on, and I fell asleep during that sadly. Some stories are more equal than others. I want my tales to be at the top of the heap. When somebody asks me what my book is about, Willie, Warfare, and Women, though order changes.

It’s not fair that I didn’t get to work on my story today. I would indeed dream of myself successful. Instead of doing anything about its creation. Lady Sophia, I did dream about that movie Harlem Nights and even that club in Life, “Ray’s Boom, Boom Room.” You know I wouldn’t get caught dead in a tux, so what could the dream mean? I want to have a level of success like Eddie Murphy, no doubt. A tux is black and white, and I’m a writer, so enough said. No, I won’t go all Sigmund Freud on this because today, see now it’s Thursday, but I posted already. Friday is about writing, but it’s still Thursday at this moment. I promise you my books aren’t so complicated. Somebody always ends up running a brothel, and everything will go, BOOM, BOOM.

Bedsprings and headboards, books, bombs, well Will’s Books Aren’t Fair.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 178 ~Will Outside The Box~

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Thursday still isn’t so much fun, and yes, it’s still Wednesday as I’m writing this. A day without writing is like a day without sunshine, or should I say Santa; I haven’t seen him around and how come. “Will Outside The Box.”

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Log 178 ~Will Outside The Box~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and what do I do with all that money? He only plays with the box THEY say. Okay, Diana, I’ll admit, even I’m iffy about today’s subject matter. Yes, it’s still Christmas Day, but what would Scrooge be doing other than working. Well, writing is hard, but it’s not a “job.” I’m also downloading a Christmas Porno “A Christmas Wish For Whitney,” from BABES. Somebody called it a Hallmark Movie with less clothing. Of course, Santa didn’t bring me anything I wanted this year, yeah I didn’t send a list.

Now, of course, getting to my list, Frapping, check, need to finish reading Snow Angel. I did start my review of Raphael. Reading, reviewing, reveling in writing it are all different things. Last night I didn’t wake up at 1:30 in the morning because you know I was still up. The day before, I needed Brooke Logan “Adult Supervision Required” to stay awake. The things that keep us up from the past to the future. I haven’t even watched anything dealing with Christmas unless it was porn. You might be “happy” to know that I took a casual glance at the satellite today. Katniss Everdeen, Bella Swan, talk about girls I wouldn’t mind seeing under my tree. No, Dirty Diana, I did not buy a tree or even mistletoe SIGH.

Where I lay, my head is a box. I have all the peace and quiet you could ever ask for and more. Yes, I am blessed as my motivations would go, but I have been listening to Christmas music a bit. Only again, that’s between all of the porn, but what else did I get myself for Christmas. A good breakfast, some cupcakes, time to handle stuff early. When I’m not looking at Brooke, Tia Tanaka, Alyssa Hart, I could go on forever. Still, the end of the decade is coming, and it’s Christmas Day. I should do myself a favor and keep it in my pants, don’t you think. How about cleaning the house some more or finishing my book review? I could finish “GULP” now wouldn’t that be something. None of these things sound so sexy, though, and the weather is hot enough.

If only there were a box big enough for all my porn, if I had a pretty girl, think Will, honestly Will Outside The Box.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 177 ~Will Wait For You~

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Merry Christmas, but the TRUTH isn’t a gift many people want but we all need, only as I asked myself, did I honestly need to say all of this on such a “magical,” “holy,” “capitalistic” day? Will Wait For You, and Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Log 177 ~Will Wait For You~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m waiting to see that man in the mirror? If anything, I told myself I would be dreaming in bed tonight. A full eight hours, 11:00 PM to 7:00 AM, but at the moment it’s 10:55 PM. I guess I couldn’t wait, and no, I’m not going to sing the chorus of “I Don’t Want To Wait.” Now before we get into what I said Christmas Eve, ahem Merry Christmas to you, me, everybody. I’ll still not a man of faith Inspector Echo, but you know I’m always running. Escaping my past, one day somehow?

Okay, so that leads me back into yesterday, Ha, Ha. I was talking about songs that I’m still getting over, and those are only some of my many humiliations. You’re asking me, must I do this today or again shouldn’t I go to bed? You remember Sunday, July 02, 2017, Lesson 001, Look Who Grossed Up? The beginning of my new blog, a conversation with Lady Luna. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I couldn’t sleep then either all because of what I said to a woman. These past few days, I’ve been commenting on another blog. I have the right to exist; that’s my mantra at the Day Job. Only I shouldn’t have talked to that woman like that and at work? It’s like breathing is an insult to everyone, even me, dear Inspector Echo.

Humming Her Humiliations Playlist:

  1. Something Just Like This
  2. Oops (Oh My)
  3. break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored
  4. Touch My Body

So which is it, and I waiting for Santa, Jesus, some pretty girl, can’t I save myself? Flipping the coin, what is it that I want and I can give you the same answer as always. I want to write a bestseller, take the cash and move to Nevada. Inspector Echo I’ll work with Dennis Hof’s crew or set out alone. Brothel, strip club, hotel, movie studio, modeling agency, more. It’s not like Santa is going to drop a few million in my bank account tonight. Jesus has never given me peace of mind. I’ve fought his followers, starting with my “father.” Girls of the world ain’t nothing but trouble but money, power, then the women, but tonight’s Christmas wish.

11:35 PM, don’t regret tomorrow, LIVE, Will Wait For You.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 175 ~Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move~

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Run boy run, as the song goes, running’s a victory because even then I’m getting somewhere and if you ask me where I’m going, well tomorrow is Christmas Eve after all and while I imagine roaring fires? “Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move”

Monday, December 23, 2019

Log 175 ~Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move~

Hundred And Sixteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t follow the money. The truth is I follow my purpose as my motivations point out. One more early day, another mention of Far Cry 5. I beat the first “level” last night. Holland Valley Region Liberated, meaning I can finally take a breather. Isn’t that the problem, breathing is never enough for me, and at the same time, it takes so much to do so. I mentioned motivation, and I read, you must be careful how you talk to yourself. That your body doesn’t know the difference, positive, negative.

What you say and do matters, and is that why I choose neither. The effort gets to be too much sometimes. Another one of those self-help titles talks about you only need to feel good. When I wake up like this, the truth is I’m exhausted, but I’m super after the conversation. It doesn’t matter if I have to take a shower or I get to go back to bed. I’m moving forward, Madam Justice. Whether it be words, women, or warfare, and then I have to wonder where I’m going. Here’s another question, am I being dragged, am I all Do or Do Not, am I digging holes? Each footstep digging a grave? I don’t mean to sound morbid, again, careful how I speak about myself. At this time of the year, shouldn’t I be happier, one of those dirty words right, Madam Justice?

I’m trying Madam Justice; I’m even reading another Christmas story. Snow Angel by Minx, that’s as festive as I’m going to get. One more thing, every little step I take, as the song goes, I’m told is wrong. People demand I grow up but don’t look to the stars. I was about to mention slugs, but again, language. Do you remember when I would call myself out for that when I was cursing? Should I say I have more in common with Reginald Barclay or Vincent Anton Freeman? Despite being easily forgotten or their failures, and many fears they kept going. Living in the darkness Madam Justice, if you’re moving, there is no wrong direction. It’s why like those XBOX commercials, I ask, do I step, or do I leap? Why do we fall? How about why I have no throne here as of yet?

I’ve got no time, Will’s Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 174 ~Will Die Another Day~

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So what a way to kick off Christmas week, if anything I might let myself get a full eight hours, I don’t remember when I got six, uninterrupted, but it hasn’t killed me yet, though if this was Far Cry 5? Will Die Another Day.

Sunday, December 22, 2019

Log 174 ~Will Die Another Day~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, because I was a millionaire last year or not. How close are you? I mean, right at this second? I wish I could say I left you in a better position. Is it ever too late to spread joy? How about to acknowledge life or to live yours? I know that once this conversation ends, you’re going right back to sleep, but why. If you had to be at the Day Job, you would hop in the shower now. During NaNoWriMo season, you would say, 5000 words. When you were hiring, you would be full of energy.

Dream, Decide, Do; set a deadline dog as the kids would say. Last night, for example, I made a plan. Okay, sure it was Far Cry 5, but I said, I would take another outpost, meet Father Jerome, and kill John Seed. I wonder, is it family-friendly if I’m talking about video game characters? Anyway, I got it done, and I didn’t make a dime. At the same time, all the Christmas gifts are going to be late. Does love have a deadline? Love that’s a big step, but that’s neither here nor there. Unless we’re talking about the Dæmon lying on your ankles. My point is, it’s all about time. You want more time, and I’m not helping. Wasting all these days. You’re following in my footsteps, or you will. The week before was something to see, but how about those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Book “Accidental Santa” By Celia Aaron
    Completed

I barely completed #6, and that was yesterday. There was another NaNoWriMo shirt in the mail as well proclaiming a victory. Fifty thousand words and not one book to show for it, Will. What about the grand plan that started for only $5.00? Every week I hope that you will be a better man, but I was worse than the one last week. When was the last time half of this list got done? In all fairness, these are some big things, but do I want to go back and see when’s the last time I conquered #1 ever. Have I ever been such a father? I moved towards #3 because of a woman. #4 has become a joke. Talk about dying because that’s the only result in #5. Twenty minutes that was #6 and now these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing The Book, That Is To Be Chosen

Life isn’t Far Cry, quit dying; Will Die Another Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 173 ~The Will To Betray~

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I say I would never betray my son, I don’t cheat on women, and I want to be as honest I can, even to a fault as some say but while I’m trying to look into a mirror, who is it stabbing me in the back? “The Will To Betray”

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Log 173 ~The Will To Betray~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a billionaire right now, and that’s worth a little treason. Now I don’t wish to emulate the President but for the right price? Didn’t I talk about having peace of mind last week? Instead, this week I have bought more almost, my arrogance, and anxiety. You know, in being the man that I want to be, I’m not even close. Last night I sent a message/comment to a blogger offering my services. In all fairness, it hasn’t been twenty-four hours. How about anxiety from spending money on more mom, $50.00 from a scammer. Of course, there’s also Indiana Gone’s gifts.

One of my motivations talks about sacrificing what you want. I know what I want, but every day I betray that man, and for what exactly? I rise at this “godforsaken” hour every single morning, expecting to get even more work done. On a workday I talk to you, I am almost late for the Day Job. I work for them, come back, and fall into my unmade bed, repeat. The real me sucks, but what about the virtual version. Of Mice and Men, they say, I had one plan and what happened there? Well, I’m taking the fight to John Seed because I’m sick of air travel. Namely, bullets and bombs, finding their way into my body, Far Cry 5, of course. There is one more life that depends on me, and I’m still not much of a father. My Dæmon has everything he needs, but what about more. No, I’m too concerned with maids, and let’s say charity.

I’m a businessman, or so I want to be like Hugh Hefner and Dennis Hof. No, they made choices; they gave others options. I ask everyone to forget who they are so they can fit into my narrative. Only that’s somewhat the idea, to break out. I need to start breaking out of the roles that people place on me, Lady Luna. Are these character studies any better or worse than the ones that I write of myself at times? What about the woman that I want to make happy one day? If you want me to have gratitude, that’s what it is for today. The idea that I can still believe in something like that at all. Well, l look at the time, the seconds marking my perpetual treason. Wake up, wise up, and denounce The Will To Betray.

I Will Have No Fear