Tag: Honesty

Log 239 ~A Whole New Will~

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Last night I discovered something brand new, not the kind of thing I would share with my son but with a woman in my life, the right woman I should say, finding new worlds, more “stuff, and thangs.” A Whole New World

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Log 239 ~A Whole New Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m greedy. My Love, I have to admit that I am somewhat Hoity-Toity. You’re looking at a man who was upset at the La Quinta by Wyndham. All because I preferred Courtyard by Marriott. SHUDDERS, my foot still hurts remembering that long drive. I was angry at myself for not getting My Dæmon a better boarding room. There were women way before you that I would choose a hotel before my “house.” I’m trying to explain that when I think of a whole new world. A whole new me I honest to God mean better.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Sure we’ve had this conversation before. If a man wants an angel, he must build Heaven. A queen must have her throne. In my businesses, I want to provide the most beautiful, the comfiest place imaginable. As Sade would sing, “is it a crime?” You and I, My Love, as parents want to provide a better world for our children, more than we ever knew in our lives. Yes, I suppose I will be using plenty of songs today. Take another one of my favorites, “With Arms Wide Open.” One more reason I don’t want the kids to be like me, I tell them, “Be Not So Fearful” of this world before them. At the same time, baby girl, I create new worlds in my writing. Again I wish to build paradise because I know this world. I know I haven’t seen much of the world, and that’s why I want you and me together.

“You’ll never be just anything. A tsunami can never be ‘just’ a wave.”
“Get off my chin.”
“I like that about you. Waves are banal. Tsunamis reshape the Earth. Under the right circumstances, even entire civilizations.”
I blink.
“You’re going to be one hell of a woman one day” Iced

To me, my baby doll, “You Are My Home.” Not good, better, or even best, you are MINE. I become the man I want to be that I need to be, that I always should have been, because of you. Dare I say, “You Rock My World.” Understand this now. You’re my asteroid “Armageddon,” my tsunami “Iced,” my hurricane “Nerve.” You destroyed my world so that I could build the land of my dreams. You’re different, and excuse my geeky reference, but Galen called Jyn “Stardust; I call you “Moondust.” It scares me sometimes to think of the power you have and the power I found because of you. The things I will do and that I won’t do for you in this life. The more things change, the more they stay the same, looking at the man in the mirror, A Whole New Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

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Is the BBQ that good, am I so concerned about a few extra cents in my bank account, and why I’m not afraid of the dark, I still hate driving at night, but then you ask how do I go out on dates. I’m the Beast, so where’s Beauty. “It Scares You Do It.”

Monday, February 24, 2020

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

Hundred And Twenty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that makes life a whole lot easier. Now I won’t lie to you Madam Justice, my “obsession” with money is a cover for FEAR. You know I’m always one to trade one vice for another. I choose LUST over WRATH. Let me have GREED over SLOTH. Last night I took to GLUTTONY over ENVY. Okay, so what about PRIDE. Madam Justice this leads me to today’s lesson, what am I afraid of; well everything but we don’t have that kind of time. While I was out though last night, I did have thoughts of “Rainbow Girl.”

You remember her, The Rainbow Girl. How I twice asked her out (online) to dinner and a movie. So there I was last night it’s been a full year since she blocked me, of course. Anyway, I’m picking up BBQ in the dead of night, and I can hardly breathe. What about Indiana Gone’s Wedding. I won’t say I love the girl, and in truth, I was angry. Madam Justice, I was mad I had to drive 750+ Miles to her wedding, facing highways, the FEAR of my Olds, and losing money. For some reason, though, I thought I was going to meet a girl. Let me tell you a story about Cherry. I work my Day Job; I have so many novels, poetry, a whole blog. Only I’m writing poetry and short stories for her Madam Justice. I’m reading her work because that’s what she wants. Oh, and how I listen to her about her greatest love of all.

Noticing a pattern, well, maybe not, but I was hungry last night, and I chose to eat well rather than grab a burger. I would go all out for a woman. An opportunity would temper my anger. I work harder rather than stay in bed, and yes, Madam Justice, I made my bed today. Women make me brave, but why not show any PRIDE? I cannot contain my FEAR, and I do not FEAR any woman. Well, except my Mom, she’ll kick my “butt” if I don’t vote. Remember to VOTE people; we must stop Trump and his legion of sycophants and Bloomberg too. What scares me Madam Justice is myself, my desires. My “Dom-Hood,” the dangerous disease called LOVE.

It scares me to be me, so what’s the rule, It Scares You, Do It.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 237 ~Most WONderful Time Will~

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I’ve added more noise to the bombardment of my psyche, and that’s the tick-tock of the clock. I have so much time and then so little. Where does it all go in the end? Into doing nothing? “Most WONderful Time Will,” but not forever

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Log 237 ~Most WONderful Time Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you, not so much. Now that’s not me being negative, Cherry said I was, but you know the words of King Ezekiel. How about the concepts of Dale Carnegie? At this point, I’m more into Andrew Davidson, and you will be too. You should also save some money for another book from Audible, STUPID Audible. Not that I’m one to talk, and you won’t be either, we don’t have the time. Should I say I don’t have the energy, and I got paid, so what about a store run in so many days? I made it to the loveseat, that’s enough.

Let’s talk about another dirty word, FEAR. No wonder I’ve been paralyzed for months. Again not being negative but facts, one car doesn’t work. The HUMMING has gone on for a full month almost. A few minutes ago, the downstairs toilet seat broke. All these things and I instead choose to write. How about that ladder I was planning on buying? Today is not a good day to die, well except by starvation. What about a lack of sleep? I’ve had all the time in the world and still haven’t gone to bed before 1:00 AM. Even My Dæmon is growing concerned, or he’s annoyed, and I don’t blame him. Why so fixated on the Tick Tock of the clock these days. Oh, I can finally hear it, you’re welcome. You know I don’t like being gross, but I took out a massive chunk of Earwax a few days ago. Better now to hear my failings at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace
    Failed

I blame #1 on writing that Erotica “Now C Here My Senses, or was it looking at some “inspiration?” Fortunately, I don’t have time to write a million excuses. Only if you want me to be negative, this week is going to suck. As far as today goes, again, I’m still contemplating getting up and going to get food. I yelled at a BBQ place over a burger. I’m still waiting for something from Indiana Gone, not her fault. In a way, I need all the problems to forget about the Norton and H&R Block mess, being grateful. So it’s not Valentine’s anymore, I don’t drink, and I hate most jokes. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Making The Bed Every Morning No Matter What
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace

These motivations say you did not wake up to be mediocre; Most WONderful Time Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 234 ~Enough Will To Love~

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The lesser of two evils and no good to be shown, though to some marriage and a “vanilla” lifestyle is enough, but what is it that I want in the end, well is there even a finale to be seen ever? “Enough Will To Love”

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Log 234 ~Enough Will To Love~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I haven’t said it before, “two girls at the same time.” Now I wouldn’t need a billion for that and maybe not even a million, but it’s still on my to-do list. What guy doesn’t want to do two girls, minus the gay ones? Anyway, if it isn’t two girls, it’s the fact that I can’t keep my mind on any one kink or fetish. Do you remember my “Red Dawn” Fantasy? Virgin Killer Sweaters meet The Purge. Hell, even the Day Job isn’t helping, I go from American Teen Lily Carter to Fake Driving School Estella Bathory.

I work with what I have Dirty Diana, retail, and driving. If today weren’t about sex, though, I would be in bed. My bed’s not big enough and while I enjoy BBW’s no doubt. A “Skinny Minnie,” as Cherry calls them and a BBW, well, that’s a thought. In one of my novels, the Male Protagonist has his way with a mother and her daughter. If he doesn’t, I’m writing it in there because I imagined Haley Pullos. Fucking an older and younger woman, now that would be something. A mother and daughter, what about sisters? I’ve had a thing for Mia Rose forever and her sister Ava. Talk to me about twins Dirty Diana. Is there any wonder I wanted Alice Little and Ruby Rae, not twins but two redheads? You want to know what’s worrisome, the two girls fight, and the Necro concept.

Didn’t I speak a few days ago about the taboo? What do you get when you take girls like Little Lupe and the end of the world? One of my favorite anime series, that’s what. I paid $20.00 and will probably shell out more when the time comes. Now, this might sound quite common but “Public Sex,” which in turn goes back into clothes. I swear, will I ever get black pantyhose off my mind? How many times have I mentioned Fechikano these days, along with humming and violence? I say I want to hit somebody I’m wrong, I want to fuck, it’s the same thing. People want to like an inch of me, and it’s that damn inch I hate about myself. I want someone, someones to desire me, love me, in my totality, or I’m a greedy S.O.B.

I’m rough, I fuck hard but Enough Will To Love?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

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I can’t say that I have many friends and as I told a girl at the “Day Job,” if you say that I don’t like you, well wish granted. I like making women happy, but being a man and all how do I feel about myself. “Friend Like Me, Will”

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Disney properties. Well, couldn’t you tell that from the title? I’m going to be hard-pressed to explain buying stock in it with everything else I want to have. Anyway, today isn’t about ignoring stock options but people. Now, of course, I could teach a master class in this, and I won’t apologize for my views on people. Okay, maybe on women, but that’s business. I respect women on a personal level but in my markets? Inspector Echo I have two words, “Pure Taboo,” and if you look that up, it’s your fault. One day, I’ll have a studio like that honestly, no doubt.

Let’s start with today, and the new normal is I’m a few days ahead. Right now, it’s Sunday the 16th, but I have things to do. Do you say I should go talking to the neighbors about the HUMMING/BUZZING/VIBRATING? I did leave them a note; isn’t that a shocker? What about the people I do know? Indiana Gone and I were all blah in our texts. When it comes to M Anime and Cherry, I’m still a man possessed, so I try to be careful. It’s not panning out as well as I hoped. I continue to dream of black pantyhose on a certain girl; thank you, “Fechikano!” How about having to deal with my “Father” last week? My Dæmon stayed in his bed, either old or scared, that I wasn’t here to protect him. Yes, like a Witch’s Dæmon, I know my “His Dark Materials” folklore. Still, when I see my father that’s like, eat me, said the cake to Alice. He’s no friend.

What about what I have been neglecting to mention for days on end? How little I have spoken of Valentine’s Day. Yes, I still believe there is some girl out there that I might have left lonely. As the song goes, how could you be so heartless? If only I had a voice like Eddie Holman, “Hey There Lonely Girl.” Now I continue to believe money talks, so who am I speaking to these days? Let’s say, more creators in the adult entertainment industry. A cosplayer here or there and what was that about Pure Taboo. I know much worse Inspector Echo, of course, the kind Norton warns of nowadays.

That’s what I’m sorry for now, Friend Like Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

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If I sold my soul to Hell, I suppose I would be a rich man already. I guess it’s the last thing I have to save for a future wife because “other” things well let’s say I have had some exciting experiences, some good and evil. Does Will Have Soul?

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’ll never be a politician. In today’s age, considering my business dealings, I would be more than suitable. Well, seeing I’m a black man, with more than liberal views. Let’s keep in mind my hero was voted to the Nevada Assembly, and he was dead. He’s also one of few Republicans I respect. Now that leads me to today, which I’m glad to say was without incident. Well, a spammer on Facebook, but nothing reported email wise. I’m a much better man than that Love.

Only I continue to worry, baby girl, my phone still has me jumping. Not in the fantastic playlist way because you know I must have my music. While we’re on the subject, I do have my “Stork The Fire” and “Grown Folks Music” playlists. Would my parents be proud? Now, as far as my palate in the realm of “Soul Food,” I can’t say I’m much of a fan. One Thanksgiving, I am going to invite my mom and my sister. While I’m not so sure about my sister’s cooking, my mom is an expert. Not saying that I want her to cook, but she made sure I didn’t starve. She also taught me respect for women. As I tell you, always there are no secrets between you and me.

My firstborn, my dæmon, won’t be spilling my confidences anytime soon. So tonight I sit here contemplating the term, SOULMATE.

I tell myself every day that I share my soul with the world. One of my rules #148 Women Always Find Out The Truth. Nobody can take all that I am, My Love. Do I doubt you, of course not, but could I be honest, you need only ask anything? I heard this song the other day, “Not Afraid Anymore” by Halsey, she sings, “Heaven gonna hate me.” My life, my businesses are things people call evil. Trust me, baby doll. Those people have no idea. At the same time, I sing, “Cause without you they’re never going to let me in'” (Heaven) I mean. If I have a soul, I will give it all to you. On the same token, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel so bad. I’m not the President, I know right from wrong. I have a soul; I want to be a better man for you. Does Will Have Soul?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

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When you choose you don’t have time to hate but only to understand, so you start with the question, what do you want and I answer, I wish I were a better man, more to the point that I wasn’t so scared because I do hate. Adults Hate Until They Choose.

Monday, February 17, 2020

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

Hundred And Twenty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and how can anyone hate with that amount of money? In a way, it’s like a public service. The more I have, the less I have to FEAR. Tonight that’s all I know, an overwhelming fear. You know what the news is, as always I hate the humming in this house. I’m starting to hate anything that wakes me up, be it my alarm clocks, memories, and of course, my phone. I can’t even glance at it anymore without becoming ill. Most of all, I hate being AFRAID. Every moment it gets worse, and like Adult Entertainment, it’s everywhere I look now.

Adults Hate Until They Choose and as all of my Motivations point out, what do I want. Madam Justice, I made a list of goals, and I’m nowhere close to them. Indiana Gone and Cherry live somewhat in a state of innocence, I see. You know me, I have a Guilt Complex. For these past few days, I have chosen to go to sleep. If there is a decision to be made, I want to feel good if only for a while. I want to keep talking to you and the others because I have nothing else going. Sloth and Lust, but writing isn’t exactly a job and not a sin. You can place it under Pride or Greed, that I intend to make money this way. How about Wrath that I continue to take revenge for all of my misdeeds? So why not choose another way, be a man.

I choose not to live in half of a house. Only that doesn’t stop the noise now does it, Madam Justice. I’m sitting here in the Den as it drones away, and why? “Eerily,” and yes, Grammarly is going to call me out for that word. Anyway, I’m reminded of those nights when I was sick of the Basic “Witch.” Can I not choose to Live Brave and stop thinking about my STUPID phone? In less than an hour, I’ve jumped twice and for what. Spam emails, and sooner or later, I’m going to get into trouble. Again let me choose to be brave and not live in fear of every moment. Madam Justice, I’ve decided to be a man and not to hate myself.

A Man chooses, but a slave obeys. What am I? Adults Hate Until They Choose.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 230 ~He’s Ding Dong Willing~

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Shut Up. I like my friends, I love my son, I love the ladies, and there are lines I signed to have people look out for me, but the noise is becoming deafening, the fears from the push of a button I swear. He’s Ding Dong Willing, but no

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Log 230 ~He’s Ding Dong Willing~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m wondering how silent it would be in a vault. Seeing that much money up close and personal, would my heart skip a beat. Would it leave me breathless, and would I fall for it all? Should I replace the word vault with crypt? I got out of school at the right time because I would have been a victim of cyberbullying. Anything somewhat similar was my fault from the ladies. For now, there is no haven from this house or online. There is only noise.

As always, we begin with the humming, let me tell you I tried. It’s a problem you’ll still have to contend with, but my father was here. He said it’s not coming from the house but the neighbors, so more black men. At this rate, you’re living in half a “home” with no chance of sharing it with anybody. Speaking of sharing and ladies, who is Mary? Another week of jumping every time the phone rings. Norton and H&R Block are both emailing almost daily because of my number and this woman. I hate being even near the phone. No matter where I am, I’m always checking. THEY say ignorance is bliss and how I want that so badly right now. When I sleep, it’s not resting because I’m never finding that; it’s for the silence. Work should bring that too but Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace
    Failed

Back to ZERO, this list might as well be that humming. It never ends, and except for a slight variation in tone, it remains. So here’s hoping that you will find the solution. Yeah, you’re willing to live with it as long as Norton, H&R Block, and nobody else calls or emails. Again, the noise is relentless, but even at this moment. 12:35 PM I made a promise not to lift the phone. No matter what, until 3:00 PM, it doesn’t own this life. I should say my life soon to be yours, but it’s not true. Isn’t it ironic that my right ear has been screwy, and now that I can hear I don’t want to anymore? Well, you’re welcome. I give you this gift, and it’s more of a curse. I couldn’t give you a better week, which means you have more of a fight Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace

For Whom The Bell Tolls, Will, He’s Ding Dong Willing.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 227 ~Will Needs Better Material~

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A bit rushed, I know but call it desire, primal instinct, or my latest fetish for the moment; the wrong woman with the right accessory, it must be magic or a nice pair of black pantyhose. Will Needs Better Material.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Log 227 ~Will Needs Better Material~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and this is awkward. Well, I don’t mean the money now, but it’s someone’s birthday today. My son is now fifteen (73 In Dog Years). So I want to wish him the happiest of birthdays until next year, of course. Remind me not to read about life expectancy. By this time in his life, he should have a mom and siblings. Okay, well speaking of everything I intend to do to his future mom or woman for the moment. My Dæmon hasn’t like anybody since Indiana Gone moved back home.

Now I don’t mind watching some women walk away. You also know I have a habit of keeping women in place. As I told Cherry once, as the song goes, “chains and whips excite me,” but not in a traditional sense. While I’m busy singing another song goes, “I, got a fetish for fuckin you witcha skirt on” SIGH. Grammarly is going to ding me that but anyway; clothes Dirty Diana. Yes, regular vanilla fucking works too, but you know I’m always one for the story. A love story is what I want, but tonight is more along the lines of “Fechikano! Vol.1 Hime Shuu.” For those unfamiliar, it’s about a guy named Shuu who falls for Hime and ends up fucking her, of course. He has passions when it comes to her clothing from panties to none. Knee socks, to stockings/pantyhose, so well rounded.

I’m a breast man on any given day. When’s the last day I’ve gone without looking at tits? I could also go on about the subject of tying a girl up with her bra, hands behind her back. I don’t mind keeping a pair of her panties, hell I have a closet full of stuff for a submissive. Knee socks and pantyhose, hmm, not to mention I’ve had fantasies of a certain bubble butt girl. The thing is, though, when thinking of those knee socks, I’m one for some bright colors. Pantyhose they have to be black, I don’t know why they look gaudy in any other color. In both instances, I can blame witches. Talk about a witch hunt. One in particular with her black pantyhose, I want to tear a hole in, and I think you know where. I wonder how much those would cost or to fuck her. Will Needs Better Material.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

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High to me is not falling out of bed, tripping over the walls of the tub, and remembering to put something in my stomach at some point and down, whether it be time, money, or depression SIGH. Up High, Down Will

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be depressed? It sounds like another excuse and how can I even hear it with my ear and all. From last week to this one, it’s like alarms are ringing all over. Still, I sit here, refusing to answer the call. I even have Cherry giving her best impression of Lady Mormont. I’m not getting up for anything, well a pair of black stockings, but today isn’t Thursday. It’s not Wednesday for that matter (Sunday Night). I’m still speeding through time, so no wonder I’m so exhausted.

I wish that’s all it was, and also that yesterday never happened. A slippery slope Inspector Echo and I’ll be right back to “The Day.” Anyway, the theme of yesterday was humiliation. I had to call my “father” about insurance and my humming situation. If that’s not bad enough, he doesn’t care enough to text back. It’s one thing to go begging and be told no but silence? It’s a good strategy, which is why I employ it all the time. You can ask Cherry about that. Insecure, Discombobulated, and repeating past mistakes. Is there anything I can speak to that won’t make me sound like, well I don’t want to put that in the universe. The word I’m looking for is LAZY right, because how long have I been away from The Day Job. At this rate, how will I ever manage another NaNoWriMo?

It’s like I’m drowning in FEAR, and my bed is a life raft. What am I going to do tomorrow? Go back, crawling to my father? Now didn’t I talk some about him and his ANGER? I have plenty to myself you know that much Inspector Echo. Now I’m trying not to be something, something explicit. Only LUST is pretty much the only thing keeping me anywhere near rational for a few hours, at least. It’s my high, that and the ceiling fan. How about some retail therapy? I wanted to buy My Dæmon, DogTV today, and doesn’t he deserve it, I ask. Everything that I desire Inspector Echo and what am I doing to reach it at all. My kid stands taller than me, begging me to get out of bed and go outside.

I’m sorry it’s like I’m the living dead, and Lust is my hunger. Trying to climb, Up High, Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear