Tag: Man

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

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There is a reason my parents never got me boxing gloves, why I believe we need stronger *ahem* laws, and even Negan said people are a resource, not a blessing, not a gift and yet standing up for myself. Greatest Gift, Me Will

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

“You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as It Gets (1997)

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, with the way things are going my love, I think I’m going to need a doctor, like when I first met you, a nurse for the fight I almost got into at work, or a lawyer and not for defending your honor, no baby girl, boys will be boys. Probably not the correct thing to say in this climate and do you think I have always treated women with “dignity and respect,” well you as a woman, my wife, lover my best friend (don’t let my son hear that on repeat ever) mother of our children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_KHgfzs5rc

Now Whitney Houston sang about Greatest Love of All, but I have never bought that one must love themselves to love others, I would lay down my life for you or our children without question but before you… That’s a crime against you if we weren’t together and I would never do anything to hurt you like that, and I find out why I saved myself for you (life wise my love, the experience is a process). To this day I don’t know what the greatest gift is that I have ever given you, my heart, my soul, my mind, what about time, or courage because after today I am afraid because I love my family. I want to provide for you all, tradition, chauvinist, maybe a man believes in many things, and he must fight for those beliefs always.

Today I learned how much I believed in me, that I love myself, fighting for my kids is a no-brainer and fighting for you, would that make me “The Black Knight” yeah no filter at work which is part of the problem, well all of it, my love, fear, and TRADITION. I wanted to fight for me, and I didn’t care about being a provider, or even about being a better man, I wanted to be a man, I wasn’t defending you or anything I hold dear I was fighting for “The Man Right Chea.” Honestly, I didn’t know I cared so much about myself. I would fight, and I would win all to come home to you, but again I did not swear to enter the fray for you my Lady, it was all for me, and I don’t know whether to be so very proud or completely devastated.

“Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” The Talmud

“Instead of tryin’ to help a nigga you destroy a brother” Tupac, K-Ci and JoJo

That’s not you though; I do imagine myself as Prince Pairs being nursed back to health should I have lost the battle, Prince Hector to die for a crime or Achilles himself to fight because of my reasons, no matter what they were. You would love me regardless; sad that I have to imagine, or that I should fear but the fact that you will even listen to me, this man that nearly fought, who may lose everything tomorrow because I gave into my rage.

You love me, and I love you and the fact that I spent over an hour writing two statements about what happened today the man that lies with you now, this man that would fight, I love myself, I love me, and that means I’m the Greatest Gift, Me Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

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“You did not wake up to be something, something, mediocre.” That assumes I got up this morning. Maybe I’ll blame my alarm. Perhaps it’s the dog lying on my legs. It’s cold; in the house, because it’s hot out. Will At The Table but the bed works well

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, when you don’t know how to build computers, need a picture to make the bed and do you know how long it took me to put together two bookcases and my coffee table Ay Yi Yi. So much for the week of positivity am I right, I remember someone saying The Summer of Love was more like the summer of getting your ass kicked… I know “language,” one more thing I’m not doing today, finishing Under His Heel, but you never know, isn’t that right Luna?

Isn’t that why people write out a will, I think all writers realize the inevitable, from the journalist writing his next story; to the ones that create novels, poetry, and everything else, new worlds, to the other artists and innovators, or the person that merely sees this world without themselves. My chair lies empty most days, and I wish I could tell you I was out there living, other than my daily walk with my son and continuing to break promises, giving my word, no my words find their way here, along with that one I refuse to say except on Wednesdays. Stuff that I should probably erase, things I don’t want on my tombstone, might as well call me Rick Grimes, his fate is sealed but not mine so why do I spend so much time on my back, The Walking Dead, Youtube, and Pinterest though something else got me today dear Lady Luna.

My will, if it’s ever written but that doesn’t happen without power and honestly how much does it take to walk from one room to the other, to sit up rather than lie down, hell if I treated every day like before cleaning day? To be fair that isn’t my will either, I always get things done on behalf of others, and that’s the problem, I do nothing for me, it’s called discipline and November is coming, the pressure will be on and if I can’t get started on any given day? All cards on the table; more like anything I can get my hands on, being idle, *sigh* which is one more reason today has been a waste; I shouldn’t say that though, whether I’m looking at beauty, the MILF *Homer drool*, Morgan from “FBE”, or whoever I have in my photos this moment.

No, on my table is just one more bill due, a bottle of water (the last of my health kick) and another mediocre tirade on what my life is, hell what everybody’s life is, putting food on the table so yes Will At The Table.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 094 ~Misery For The Willing~

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I’ve never found tears beautiful; I told my “father” once at Disney World I was crying with joy but other than making it rain dollars he’s only brought me sadness and now, I have become a partner in the business of misery. Misery For The Willing

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Episode 094 ~Misery For The Willing~

Forgive Me Echo,
How to make One Million Dollars, stop spending money on books but fortunately I have already read Misery by Stephen King so buying it isn’t a priority though I have been thinking about getting a new Kindle. Anything to avoid the sadness that has overwhelmed my life as of late and I’m not even talking about my depression, four dead Fur Babies, a deceased husband, one Break-In and a MILF asking for money; I’m a bad man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPBtCBPg_o0

Isn’t this what this is all about Inspector Echo, me being bad, I see all my friends losing their four-legged children, and I can’t do right by mine; well I did cut the grass, but of course we both know why I did that. The woman that lost her husband, dammit I should have been sweeter to her, I mean she does say hi to me but so does my friend whose house got robbed, and in all honesty, I don’t know what to say or do for her. Speaking of which I know what I want to do for the MILF, right there in the title “Mom I’d Like to…” but if I said that to her or how I want to help her, yeah everyone I know would quickly hate my guts.

Donald, Brett, Will, I do not need that sort of comparison, and yet I go back to that day in the Walmart parking lot when that mom approached me and asked for money for her and her daughter, and I gave her five dollars and for a week after I regretted it, why? What would she have done for more and yes I know this isn’t Reality Kings or Brutal Castings, I’m not talking to Dirty Diana here but the fact that such a thought crossed my mind and now here we are but on a positive note I know I’m wrong. Like I told “Cherry” though I am going through a time of my life when I’m won’t say “I’m Sorry” at the rate I would always be sorry because I’m waiting for the next tragedy to come down.

I must wonder might it be the same for others, we can’t remember the Las Vegas shooting, can’t feel bad for some crying white guy, worry about the animals, the ozone, and everything else and then we’re told to live each day as though it were our last. Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for having the strangest question of What’s So Bad About Feeling Good, how about forgiveness for not being a better father and friend, or wanting to bribe needy women, I need less Misery For The Willing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Euz9a0oAlw

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 093 ~Love To Work Will~

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Where does the time go, the last time I held a pen or tapped a keyboard, today, holding onto a paw, that’s later, and winning “Her” hand, a man is busy building Heaven, and that’s paved in Hell as the song goes. Love To Work Will.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Episode 093 ~Love To Work Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, when what we have is priceless but how about everything else I claim to “love” after you and the kids; I have always believed that such a word is used far too often for the wrong reason. Much like “work” I do that because I love Detroit Become Human and a huge list of games, I “toil” as I “adore” my ever increasing library, I “labor” and don’t ask me how it happened, upper-middle-class family; I want all those name brands.

When I write, however, there are moments and don’t get me wrong I love writing but sometimes, it’s damn hard, but for a brief time I’ll be typing away, and I feel, blessed though I don’t like that word. It’s how I love you though, I worry all the time, this week especially I see how quickly a life can get wrecked, am I still thinking about “Life Itself,” “This Is Us,” or “A Million Little Things”; you know it, but real life isn’t taking any breaks. That’s what my first born, the other kids, and you keep telling me, that I need to take a break, and I don’t ever want to become Peter Banning, Jackson Curtis, or Lord heavens above my father, I’m only Human after all love.

That’s why I say I love you like my words, I want to spend every single day with you, I want to study every part of you, curves, lines, my breaths, my heartbeats all in service to you but that’s the problem. You’re here; you’re mine, why can’t I touch you now or tell you now; when I wake up in the morning, I repeat this one quote, “you did not wake up to be mediocre,” because you deserve better, I deserve to be so much more of a man. Now know this I will choose you and ALL my kids over everything, I love you more than anything else in this existence and maybe witnessing horror and tragedy from all sides is scaring me to death, what a way to start off October right?

I tend to make everything Complicated I know, but I choose to write a sin and not a tragedy and the fact that you’re hurting from my absence… love is all you need they say, but I don’t love my day job, so I write, I don’t adore being a comparison to my father, so I read the children stories (not my stories), and I don’t want to be away from you, so I create. No, I won’t offer you promises of tomorrow that one day there will be time for us because you already have this with Everything I Do you’re the one that makes me want to be better than I am, and when you love what you do, that’s us Here And Now, Love To Work Will.

“You always had tunnel vision.
You could just block everything out
and write.
You blocked us out.”

“Do you love him?”

“I love him enough.”
2012 (2009) Kate and Jackson

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

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There was a time I was willing to do almost anything for a paycheck, I picked up trash over the summer, was in the Navy about a month and worse of all RETAIL, but I’m not willing to do what I love… Help Wanted Willing Writer.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; I should, I must, and I keep telling myself I will and then I sleep a few more hours, I make another Pinterest gallery, I add another playlist to Spotify, good things come to those who pay, so I should start. That would involve getting a real job first of all, and I’ve already been over my current day job, and how many people don’t want me to have it because of my past and I’m not like them at all.

It sucks when you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, but I’m not trying to be Atlas, one more job that I don’t want to do this week, maybe I’m getting set up for tomorrow’s lists of failures. A book reviewer… well that would involve getting through another book, and I have so many on my plate as is, and what I’m reading now “Under His Heel” by Adara Wolf… I don’t hate the book as is but I’m not gay. I’m also not that helpful, I have ninety-nine reasons I’m not a doctor, make that one hundred, I don’t like people, but I am interested in the human anatomy and oh yes, pain, humiliation, even blood.

I like figuring out the mind, I was dreaming about pain, my current excuse as to why I didn’t go to the library today (back pain), but the thing is when I go into Sadism mode, that means I care enough to inflict it but when people are so worthless I rather not… See I’m attempting to figure myself out first, I believe you must do this before you can discover others but that doesn’t mean you can’t have help, my “father” taught me hatred disguised as love, my son showed me, unconditional love. What about women, because of my mother I seek wisdom, and other women gave me the power of choice, the will to be passionate, and the discovery of my private parts, I mentioned, I’m not gay.

So like Eikichi Onizuka, Dennis Hof, or Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts, well I could go into more details but that’s Dirty Diana’s thing, so I want a job where I can stay in bed, listen to music, judge erotic themes that aren’t gay, and play with the human body lots. I want to inflict pain but not anything serious, I want to care, I want to explore and organize, and love the ladies.

Onizuka became a high school teacher, Mr. Hof owns brothels, Sir Mix-A-Lot was a rapper, and I want to write so why don’t I start with Help Wanted Willing Writer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 086 ~Will We Be Rich?~

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Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger, but the way I dig her and gold as well, though could you get a million dollars cash in a briefcase that would be awesome and yet she carries my heart around. “Will We Be Rich?”

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Episode 086 ~Will We Be Rich?~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars and I’m sure I told you before, but when I was a child, I thought that two hundred bucks would be enough to solve the 99 Problems I thought I had. While you’re my queen, my love, my goddess, my angel, I’m no King David a.k.a. DMX; I don’t hold much faith in a quarter of a million dollars because honestly we deserve more, our children deserve more, I know it.

I must sound like the typical rapper or worse my father because while I never want to be like him and I’ll deny it should you ever meet him… how long have we been married again, anyway a man takes care of his family without a doubt. Now I will sit here and sing All You Need Is Love, and you make me believe it but God I am becoming my father throwing money at everything and hoping that makes up for how I fail. Caesar was ambitious, and Chris Rock spoke about the difference between Rich and Wealth, and I want to be rich, but with you I’m wealthy… okay, who am I kidding, I want both my love.

I want to tell you every beautiful word in every language, and at the same time your beauty inspires me to write, and if anybody cares to listen, I want my words to set us for life. You know I am one for greed, and I want every breath you take, every beat of your heart, together we’ll make even more, and I never want to fear running out, every day I want to bask not only in This Year’s Love but as many years as we can get. Maybe it’s the idea if I have everything, I get to pick and choose, and I would always want you, not a day in the Hell of an old job, the rage that somehow vanished overnight when my heart became full of nothing but you, how much happiness did you have saved up for us both?

Perhaps it is wrong of me to spend yours. As people say, a man must build Heaven for an angel. Honestly, I was buying my way out of Hell, gathering every dollar I could, dreams to make C.R.E.A.M, from the pages I wrote. I Want To Be Rich, I won’t deny it, but I am wealthy because of you. I am because of my first born, the legacy of our other children and yet I ask Will We Be Rich?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

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What’s one more lazy day, I couldn’t scream to get up but one noise from my phone and it’s time to get to work, just in case right and let me say that church never got me to do that but the day job, my father, a pretty girl *sigh*. Will Whisper To God

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; well I hear tell people will sell their souls to Satan for much less and give themselves to God for nothing at all and pretend that their Laughing With either or. I believe that the Devil gives better advice but at the same time what is the sum of human wisdom… I figured there was a good reason I dreamed about Alexandre Dumas, to the point, quotes and The Shawshank Redemption; more jail dreams just saying.

‘all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.” ― Alexandre Dumas

That seems to be my battle cry these days, and people have often told me I’m a good listener unless it’s something about me, and then they all turn into politicians, but hell I’m the same when it comes to listening to myself sadly. There’s never an argument when I have to get out of bed in the morning for the day job, no confusion when my little boy needs me to let him back in the house and when a beautiful girl comes calling, wow. If anything that’s what got me out of bed today, another pretty girl on “Whisper” did I ever tell you that’s how I met Indiana Gone, met another girl who couldn’t stand my face.

Now did she say that; not in so many words and now I got one more that disappeared all of a sudden and so I listen to my inner voice, and you know how they ask would you like you if you met you; yeah I hate that guy. The Devil Is A Lie, but she’s focused, and as I often say, everything I could ever want in this world is impossible, immoral, illegal, and insanity but not to her; does that make me sexist making the Devil female? It explains why God never had a chance, the Devil would, of course, garner my desire but God, Our Father, a black man that I could never talk to, oh yeah he’s always there right but these are not the days to cry out to him, roar, or scream, no you whisper Lady Lu, remember that.

It’s why the world is a mess right now and if we are born in God’s image; again, I don’t fear success, but I have seen what I do when I’m no longer whispering, the worlds I’ve created, the actions I have taken and yet I Will Whisper To God.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 079 ~Will To Be Selfish~

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Possession, love can make us do some incredible things, right or horrible, “Stuff And Thangs” as Rick Grimes would put it and indeed it brings us back to life in some ways at least *cough* Life Itself. Will To Be Selfish

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Episode 079 ~Will To Be Selfish~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars though I’m not sure that my organs are worth that much… don’t turn all squeamish on me now, though if you ever mention Pig Feet or Chitterlings I’ll want a divorce, same if you ever say Roll Tide or War Eagle. Not that Alabama is forever, and as long as we’re together it doesn’t even matter honestly, though I’m looking at Nevada, California, and for some reason New York but you know I hate being cold, another reason I want you all to myself, my love.

“I love you… but I may not be equipped to be loved this much.” Life Itself (2018) Abby, Olivia Wilde

Professional Wrestling is an acceptable sport, right behind the Olympics and Martial Arts competitions “The Karate Kid,” “Cobra Kai,” “Best of The Best” and don’t get me started on my fixation with Kung-Fu, but I’m in a “Life Itself” state of mine FUCK… what they said it a bunch. Anyway so back to wrestling or more like reality TV “Total Bellas” when Nikki’s family was always telling John Cena to compromise, but they didn’t know what that meant, it doesn’t mean surrender, nor submission, or sacrifice. Which brings my point because I believe love is a sacrifice, but when two people love each other, when they give everything of themselves leaving nothing it should feel like you have everything you’ll ever need and even more.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” The Princess Bride (1987)

I think I’ve told you this before and I know that I can be a bit much to handle that’s why I admire your strength so much, Beauty & the Beast, do you know how incredible she had to be, to fight so hard, and loved even harder, the way that I love you. It can be scary; I keep thinking about when we first met, what did I have to give, and Suddenly I have smiles to give away, and what did I say about cold and now my arms are around you, and is that my hoody? Strange the times I want to cover you up, and then I want to show you off, but you’re all mine… beast, yeah I’m like your shadow, a ghost that haunts you, a zombie and dare I say you’re the prettiest necromancer I have ever seen.

“I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid of anything.”

“I’m only alive when you’re inside me.” Angel “Waiting In The Wings”

Only one fucking demon, is it Halloween yet; yeah, I’m going to have some old white lady screaming at me like that poor studio guy at the screening last night, but as I heard once, it’s a disease this thing called love, a confession, a belief. It transcends everything baby girl, even my words and my phone *gasps*, and I do want to be hoarded, kept away, lost to everything, and so I ask this important question, do you have, the Will To Be Selfish.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 076 ~Will Etch In Stone~

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A hot day today or is that me being sick, maybe my anger was burning my brain giving me fever dreams of making a lot of money, a million dollars to be exact and I’ll have a few days to think on that, give myself ideas. “Will Etch In Stone.”

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Episode 076 ~Will Etch In Stone~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to believe it other than the fact that Bruce Lee said “be like water” and that can break down a stone, and in one way I’m attempting to erase bad habits, at the same time, I want to mean what I say. So what is it that I mean to say, a part of me knows it’s a stupid thought with all my broken resolutions, the fact that I can’t ever seem to accomplish my six impossible things, I fell asleep sitting here but before I see “The Day” again, I’m going to make One Million Dollars.

Now I’m sure Lady Lu that by tomorrow I’ll probably have forgotten about this, but today at work it suddenly came to me, by next year I’ll be a millionaire, that’s it, no more, no less. When I was a child I thought, that all it would take is two hundred dollars and all my problems would be solved, well congrats, I’m sitting on a thousand dollars, all part of my Alamo Fund. Am I beginning to turn around perhaps, instead of planning how to die, planning how to live and not day by day but in the long run? Hell, I’m still attempting to get through this day’s sickness.

Considering I didn’t have to deal with Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest, and the general manager stayed out of my face for the most part, so It Was A Good Day minus being sick, again thinking long term. An attempt to be healthy and what did it get me; I can’t let that stop me though, and this was the first time I tried to set a real time limit, then again why am I writing so late? If it helps I finished reading one more novel, that’s something else to put in stone, I’m a lifetime reader, I always get sick before work but when I eat it’s worse, and I keep thinking I’m going to make that money in a year and I have no idea how dear Lady Luna.

You take the first step, and that should be tomorrow, but it’s already late and if I were to take a chance at dinner, who knows if I’m getting over this sickness and my son isn’t doing too well either. As I told “Indiana Gone” when it rains it pours, if only sweat was falling like tears or the bottles of Sprite I’ve been downing like water all day today but yes I am working towards One Million Dollars this time next year, I shouldn’t forget, Will Etch In Stone.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 072 ~One Willing Word Maybe~

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When somebody laughs at me I want to punch them in the face (yeah that’s kindness) when a pretty girl flirts, is it wrong to think about wanting to kiss her, and when someone says they love me well… One Willing Word

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Episode 072 ~One Willing Word Maybe~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to say I’m sorry because I’m sure I will be, probably more than I’d like but there are some things in this life you can’t control, and for everything else, there could be an apology. That’s why mine will be the genuine article, I’m not sorry you got stuck in traffic, it sucks when people at work are assholes, it’s not super when this that or the other happens, but I am sorry I can’t make it go away for you my love.

Like when I tell you You’re Beautiful, do you think I sing that out to every girl I ever knew before; sure when I began writing it was To All Of You and my pages were my wings, how best to reach an angel. Then I found you, and that is when I discovered my voice again, you made me brave enough to say such things, so when I say such a thing to you, there aren’t many that can say I was willing to give them a word that held all that I am. Beautiful, I’ll call you that a million times over, I’ll show you in every way that I can along with Love And Happiness. However, we choose to define such things because there will always be such things as pain, hurt.

Now my mother never taught me that, if you can’t say something nice but when I am quiet when my words don’t come, well you know more than anyone that I will lose myself in music. Again I will lose myself to writing because how could I ever speak a word that would cause you heartache, What Kind Of Man Would I Be to utter a terrible sentiment to the one that I adore? My father taught me to despise lies because you only do that to the people who you hate, he would know more than most. Then what about our children love? No I don’t hate them what I mean is Santa, pain, what about all of life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_prLlrJl5o

I suppose that will be kindness, to protect them for as long as we can from a world that is full of lies and hungry for the truth. So when I say I love you and them, when I call you my own, when I read them stories, I don’t want to open my mouth out of ignorance or fear. It might take a little while, it may involve me finding such words as courage, discipline, wisdom, because I refuse to be one more stupid man, you deserve better than that and with a yes, with I love you, when you Stay With Me, without a word, your name becomes my One Willing Word Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear