Tag: Man

Episode 069 ~Well Will Wasn’t Lit~

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I’ve never been one for burning books… well except if those books happen to have my name on them, or from a blog here or there but as you can probably see I haven’t been on fire lately anyway. “Well Will Wasn’t Lit”

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Episode 069 ~Well Will Wasn’t Lit~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason other than they burn books at 451 degrees, that we shouldn’t say goodbye to Summer just yet or that I haven’t made a wish on a star forever, so why on Earth would I need candles? This whole week, I’ve expected squad lights, an interrogation room, I’ve seen the sun in the sky and the light reflected on nickels and dimes, cash burning a hole in my pocket, while I’ve watched others lights vanish into Hellfire itself easily.

Can we at least agree that the cops aren’t looking for me? With as many as I’ve seen… probably not without a healthy dose of Electroconvulsive Therapy (yes I looked that up). Maybe one good release but I’m back on NO FAP. Should I get back to writing then and be warmed by my fire… probably not today, a man has to eat and while I would prefer another type of Cherry Pie than what I had on “The Day” well DoorDash is enlightening. Speaking of which I’m sure you’re interested how “The Day” turned out and I would say that I’ve seen the light, but you know how I tend to repeat history and so I didn’t need it to know *sigh* That’s How You Know you f***** up.

Should a person get more responses than the age facing them, that would be thirty-four, besides “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” my immediate family (that’s three) Pizza Hut, and OKC, nobody knew, seven messages and I made sure the Ranches down in Nevada didn’t know. I didn’t need anyone trying to make a buck off of me, but again DoorDash did, and I regret that because I didn’t want to get off my lazy butt for McDonald’s and I’m out fifteen dollars. “Indiana Gone” did pay me back a lot plus another fifty for “The Day” but all that’s going towards Project Alamo, seriously I’m still Alive, how and why, inquiring minds?

So is there a silver lining other than my beard in the bathroom lights, what about some light at the end of the road, and am I not on the Highway To Hell which is the only light that remains constant in this life? Who knows what I will find in the blaze that seeks to swallow me. In All The Stars which have existed much longer than I can ever remember. But, so you know, Well Will Wasn’t Lit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 065 ~Will Wait For You~

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Last week I talked about time, and now it’s moving at a snail’s pace, when something you’ve grown to love or even someone makes it clear for one reason or another that, well I don’t know, I feel like I’m on the verge of losing. Will Wait For You

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Episode 065 ~Will Wait For You~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to wait, other than I needed to read “The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them” by W. Anton, don’t laugh you’re here now right, and I still consider it my Bible and fourth favorite book. I didn’t wait when the moment finally came to talk to you; I do wonder how many years it took, the breaths, the steps, heartbeats and of course the fear, stupidity for courage, I call it insanity, a whole twenty seconds worth, then:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY

Finally, females tend to give males advice that only works for females, such as telling them to take their time, let love come to them, that they will meet someone when they least expect it, and it will “just happen.” But the only reason those things work for females is that they rely on males taking action.” ― W. Anton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lX6dEc738w

Even after all this time I’m not sure which scares me more the moment or the wait, glass half full or half empty, I’m more the type there’s something to drink, I wait for you like Schrödinger’s cat sitter. It could be like telling the boss man I’ll think about something and then getting put on the schedule anyway and sometimes it works out, mostly it doesn’t, but I don’t know how to quit you and I never would. It’s not sleeping, and so I clean, I watch YouTube, I write, my Weapon Of Choice for a long night, choose one, not all isn’t that right, then again I multitask.

Sometimes I wait for you as though my little boy has another tick in his ear or he hurt his paw, and I listen to him cry out or look at me when the vet says he stepped on a pinecone wrong. Maybe it’s like when my brakes cut out, and I backed into a tree, and somehow I still got to work, left and made it to the auto shop with six hundred dollars, and the repairs were four hundred. It’s the time between thinking I’m stupid or Pinterest is and forty-eight hours of waiting to lose everything, to know humiliation, the fear of neither taking action or wondering what I’ve done wrong now.

I approached, pursued, won, and now I must improvise, adapt, overcome which takes, thinking and waiting, for what; I love you, I believe in you, and still this life that I lead, what we share together, I feel at any time can be, I don’t know. In the end, though you’re here, everything a man like me could ever want and I Believe love is the answer. If I have learned anything in life, there’s such a thing as love at first sight but even now my love I suppose I Will Wait For You.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 062 ~A Willing Twenty-Four Hours~

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I should adopt the attitude I once had when I was back in school. When somebody asked how was your day; you say “I don’t want to talk about it” and for once I’ve got nothing to say, but I’m waiting for “The Day.” A Willing Twenty-four Hours

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Episode 062 ~A Willing Twenty-Four Hours~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to think about this or that, have you noticed that the more you try to ignore a particular subject, the more it comes up, sort of like air, you don’t think about it, but I’m sure everybody has had a moment where they needed to catch it. If they didn’t, are they living or surviving, though for me it usually comes as a moment of anxiety, how I *sigh* plenty in my writing and I saw something pretty interesting on Instagram today.

Today, I’m more awake and not surprisingly lazier but “trying” not to think about things such as porn, takes plenty out of me but I haven’t taken any naps…am I coming out of my Depression maybe? Why Depression, well we’ll get to that but my little boy is a pain, and it’s hard to stay mad at him, I’m so used to having him around and then to send him away to time out, hurts me more than you, no my “father” found joy in my pain. Speaking of pain I’ve also gotten into buying more books, should I be thinking about how much I failed this week, including reading and I don’t have to, if I knuckle down and get to work right now…

Yeah, the story of my life which leads me to the huge thing I don’t want to think about that starts with the letter D, no not that, and yeah Depression but “The Day” is coming up soon, the worse day of my life. Tell me Lady Luna what could be worse than that, DEATH ha when you think of the odds of any one human being and no I am not a man of faith but neither am I a man of science or anything. Yes, I know words, and that’s what my life should be, hell what my life is; not that they have brought me any such thing as I look over my keywords for twenty-four hours.

One more failure as I didn’t hide ‘the Day” from people deep enough and now I have to look forward to disappointment, disgust, Dad and plenty more D words except the one that’s driving me crazy. Didn’t do me any favors in high school and I had so many names that Willie was only one more, and here I am, one more day down, closer to “The Day” and my Lady Lu how I have wasted A Willing Twenty-four Hours.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 058 ~The Time Traveler’s Will~

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If only I were in such a rush for love as I am to panic about everything, today it was my computer and then my four-legged son just waiting around for his daddy to be happy, but he wants a mom too. “The Time Traveler’s Will.”

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Episode 058 ~The Time Traveler’s Will~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason because you know I can’t stand being late; sadly this is one of those times you wish I’d look at my phone because my watch tends to run pretty fast and that’s the time I do abide. I hate numbers but I love you, and this is only one more reason why, because you stop time or at least disrupt it; since when did you become The Time Traveler’s Wife, I suppose that’s a day I shouldn’t forget after all it’s our Anniversary.

Is it; as if I need one more thing to panic about today with everything but how do you do that to my heart, you make it skip a beat, you rev it up, and then there is this peace that settles over me. When we first met, I was frozen and then came the Slow Motion the way I was looking at you and how my feet were cinderblocks and then rushing for dates, The Flash when it came to wanting to spend my life with you and even faster chasing the kids. My words, where you once left me breathless and then What’s My Age Again, am I a schoolboy or an old man having a Senior moment, or maybe I should ask your age once more I swear You’re Timeless To Me.

Like my phone right, keeping up with the appointments, the playlist, There Goes My Baby, of course, I have so many pictures of you frozen in time is it any wonder that I’m in a rush to find my way back to you? You know my theory that the world will end in five minutes and with you, it’s as if I have already found my way to paradise and I don’t have to worry about anything. Back then I prayed for twenty seconds… what I needed the courage and five seconds earlier that day to get out of bed and the man I was before all of this Love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY

He and every other evolution of myself promised you forever, and that is a promise I intend on keeping, and of course, I don’t need any watch for that, I have the home we built together, my dog who has probably been waiting longer to make sure I would be okay. Isn’t that what I said once upon a time, I’m okay but with you, who I am, The Way I Am, baby girl I could never imagine there would come a time that I would be… happy, so Close Your Eyes and Wander because it’s The Time Traveler’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 030 ~Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons~

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Love is worth the fight, and while I love my dog “like pancakes” it would be nice to have someone other than my “Fangs For Hire,” or my love for gaming to a certain degree, Cupid knows what he’s doing I assume. Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons, torture

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Episode 030 ~Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason, he would have to, as the song goes, the battle’s done, and we kinda won, emphasis on WE, as war has its winners and losers no doubt but what arms we have our wrapped around each other, hearts given to one another. This Love is worth fighting for, but yesterday I couldn’t help but notice the destruction that it leaves in its wake for there’s a reason we fall in love and keep falling again and again always.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Cupid and his bow; no, I would think love has a pistol with a silencer, a sniper rifle, hell something automatic, the NRA doesn’t seem to like laws, and neither does love, but there’s such a thing as responsibility. My feelings are like a rocket, and everybody is trying to outrun the blast and the fallout, there was a time I was a child with the button, and even now women run away, a pretty librarian I once crushed on took off running. You, My Love, your love is a disease, a virus, and don’t be mad I mean that as a compliment, I find my written declarations of love often come off as more warlike but when you got to me, I found the only cure was more of you my queen, My Goddess.

As if religion hasn’t caused enough wars, but somehow I found that I only wanted to believe in you and if loving you this much is blasphemy then I’m going to Hell, and yet I wonder if you feel the same. I know, torture isn’t it ‘Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions” and maybe Someday it won’t hurt because I can’t stand to hurt you… like this anyway. Perhaps they’ll be peace, you are that and so much more my love, and if the world could be only us, no let it be us and my first born and our second, third, maybe forth, there can never be enough love I think.

No wonder we send Cupid on his way when we can make our own as all’s fair in love and war as I’ve heard; love evolves, the word itself used as a weapon by so many but when spoken by you, it brings me to life, and such is forever. Love life *sigh* you never ran away from me, you fought for me, beside me, with me, my ally, the Katniss to my Peeta is there anything more powerful than us, Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 023 ~Warmth, Who Is It~

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From blanket to babe, then again neither one of them comes when called, and you can get heated blankets, I wonder if any woman had the hots for me to be sure but as the song goes, I don’t ask for much these days. Warmth, Who Is It

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Episode 023 ~Warmth, Who Is It~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to stay warm, and the simplest would be Baby, It’s Cold Outside and how can that be, it’s not Christmas in July, people usually burn me, and I’ll make sure we’re someplace it’s always warm, I’m not one for Winter or that other season. *Shudders* yet when I gave you my hoody did I have any reason to believe I would never see it again, well I do all the time on you so knowing you’re warm and how hot it makes you look and it’s not like you don’t share it, I feel it when we’re together.

That thought alone warms me, you know they say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile so maybe that’s why I need to do it more often, to feel that burn, the blush on my face though no one ever sees mine, you do it for the both of us. Speaking of things I do for the both of us, I Want To Hold Your Hand you know I’m not one for gloves, and you’ll do pretty much anything to keep me from changing my playlist on the phone. You become my sunshine on my darkest days, yes I know the words My Girl but making you mad at me might be a little too hot if there is ever such a thing.

Of course, you’ve had my cooking, and I’m always looking for the right spice, the secret is ghost pepper sauce, and I’m also trying not to burn the house down while I’m at it of course. So maybe we should stay in bed, some memories, traditions, the Fire And Desire, though I’m still one for Nuclear Pop around the late 30’s to the 50’s and if we’re not listening to music we can lie here and read my latest novel, all about fire. Still, if life insists that I get up, the hottest shower, the cuddliest pup (apologies to my dog) the best cup of hot chocolate, or best alcohol as if I know, doesn’t have anything on your warmth.

Like Linus and his security blanket I grew up and There Goes My Baby, as constant as the sun, so maybe you’ll forgive me for being so thirsty for you and wanting to give you the world. They ask War, what is it good for and you know the answer honestly, absolutely nothing but you my love are everything and the purest definition I know for Warmth, Who Is It.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 016 ~Sorry To Bother You~

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I’m not one for a good pick up line and who knows how her life is going and as the song goes “you make me better” and is that selfish of me, I only want to do the same for her but how will I do that. Sorry To Bother You.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Episode 016 ~Sorry To Bother You~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to, well I’m a man, and you’re a woman, seems to me that’s what men are meant to do and how I can picture all the men that might have annoyed you, irritated, or maybe you were downright vexed, but I’m the one you said yes to. Forever and a day, Good Luck because while I don’t believe I snore, you more than anyone will learn how hard I work not to be a bother and you’re Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite?

Yeah, I’m sure, we’ve had this conversation before, I’m not one of those men addicted to his phone, I wouldn’t be so lazy, but I’m going to quote the hell out of movies, shows, music, and authors. I’m going to take so many pictures, so I can give you those Thousand Words that you deserve, and if I have a full-time fan, well you’re already well read, and I’ll Be the greatest fan of your life… would I honestly put that in wedding vows? Singing in the shower lets the dog know I’m safe while he sits outside but I don’t want to wake you since I usually get up early to write, and How Do You Talk To An Angel, big coffee drinker perhaps?

That right there is probably my most annoying habit, not the fact that I don’t drink coffee, I know where Starbucks is, but I am going to ask you are you okay, I’m going to worry, I’ll want to know if there is anything you need; half of that our love life and the other… *ahem* LOVE life. Sometimes I’ll wonder why you aren’t off saving the world, and when you’re reading a book, that’s a sacred time to the both of us, and when this world gets to be too much, I rather we be together but you know I’m about space myself a bit. You might feel it yourself, whenever I’m writing, maybe the dog is reclaiming his place with me, and especially when I’m wearing headphones, turning the world off just saying.

I want you to understand though, no matter what Baby You’re My Light and I don’t mean for only one song, a bad day, and that’s why I guess I get scared because I don’t wish to be one of your problems; I want you always to feel beautiful, to be the one you turn to. Anything to Make You Feel My Love and I’m sorry if I haven’t but like the first day we met, Sorry To Bother You.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 015 ~Inspiration Doesn’t Need A Map~

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Finding inspiration, yeah I pretty much burned the boats and took a walk into the jungle and should I survive, it means staying awake, and that involves some creativity too, but Spotify is helping. “Inspiration Doesn’t Need A Map”

Monday, July 16, 2018

Episode 015 ~Inspiration Doesn’t Need A Map~

Forty-First Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason it doesn’t, but it would help for damn sure especially these days, I’m looking at nine thousand more words, I’m taking static from people about the rules, and staying awake is getting harder. There were days when all I needed was to sit by the lake, feet in the water and wait to be hit by something, how about when there was a pretty girl… yeah ain’t that creepy, and I’ll be the first one to admit technology makes us lazy.

Nowadays I’m less inspiration and more motivation, but if you need to know what started me down this way, it would have to be listening to a speech on Spotify like I was telling “Indiana Gone” the other day, I suppose Spotify knows inspiration by my musical selections. However for most men if you want to know what motivates them, it’s in their pants and the same can be said of women or more to the point in a man’s genes and that’s why nice guys finish last. No, I’m not being bitter, raised a gentleman, but indeed I’m a Bad Man Madam Justice sadly.

I don’t like to think I’m one to be influenced by what I take in but you can take a look at my novel and see which direction I’m going in, and what is I said about the rules on Whisper. Someone’s upset that I used a quote from Mockingjay, *sigh* it didn’t stop me from being one to Bless them and tell them to Get It Now “I Will Not Stop,” how easy inspiration comes from anger amongst other things. If you can’t deal with me quoting movies, songs, books and everything else on a daily basis then we probably can’t be friends, I Can’t Go For That no.

Still, here we are Madam Justice and what inspired me to be here, and you know the answer to that, and no you’re not going to hear Elsa; only because I can do better Let It Go… Let Her Go, and I have, I swear, please believe me. So with that being the case where does Inspiration lead me, to the bank hopefully, to the bookshelves of some bookstore, to my future and am I lost, I don’t think I am, story wise though possibly…

Follow your heart is something I’ve heard a lot of lately and honestly I wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t something, there, of course, it could be a Black Hole but if I don’t drop dead from lack of sleep I’m Will, There’s A Way, Inspiration Doesn’t Need A Map.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ix8s_TUYVW8

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 009 ~Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions~

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As the song goes, I got 21 questions; okay let’s be fair, I’m still working on the number. I tried to ask a girl the 36 Questions To Fall In Love Once, but I’m not much to look at I suppose. “Peppy Poppy’s 21 Questions.”

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Episode 009 ~Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to not believe you; honesty, loyalty, trust, all side notes in a Crazy Little Thing Called Love because I don’t intend on losing my heart again once you found it, my soul, as beat up and as damaged as it is. Maybe those are my first two questions. You have the heart to look for both, and when you found them, I trust you to take care love.

Don’t worry I’m not jonesing to ask you “21 Questions” I don’t even know what all those questions would entail since I continue to ask you only one and that’s why… what did I say about believing in you? I guess you could ask me the same thing, why should you trust me, being a fiction writer with my ideas, are these my desires, what do I truly believe in, seeing I tossed away faith? It’s Only A Paper Moon, it’s only Lady Luna, another way to live, to see beauty in the darkness, to pay the bills, though that last one was a bit harsh, I suppose people have lied to my face far too often. Writing can be scary, or so I’m told, but that only shows that it’s sincere, and you can believe me when I say writing is what I do. I do it because I love it and I’ll let you know I love you every day, I’ll write it down, and I will show it today, forever and always.

That’s all I Ask Of You, that you do the same, and I’m not asking for a full-blown work of art… am I honestly calling my work that, but that’s something, will you tell me what works and doesn’t, will you tell me if I scared you, will I wake up to I love you? When you walk away and make a promise with a sultry smile can I believe it, when you ask me something do you wish for an honest answer; when you stood by my side, was that forever and a day? How about when you’re peppy can I trust that to be accurate and would you tell me if you were hurt and if I’m in pain how I imagine that you would keep trying even if I were mad, also if I turned you away, still if I said I didn’t believe you baby girl?

“I held him close and said nothing, all the while telling him silently that he was loved. Oh, but he was loved.” — Me Before You

More than anything I want to believe you, I want to believe in you when I don’t even trust myself: you and the dog, and that our children love us, because being with you makes me happy; if I ask you 36 Questions To Fall In Love, Back At One or Peppy Poppy’s 21 Questions.

“I know we can do this. I know it’s not how you would have chosen it, but I know I can make you happy. And all I can say in that you make me… you make me into someone I couldn’t even imagine. You make me happy, even when you’re awful, I would rather be with you – even the you that you seem to think is diminished – than with anyone else in the world.” — Me Before You (2016)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

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If the love given to me is ordinary I would instead value weird as everything, love isn’t meant to be ordinary, and if life in misery in ordinary than there is nothing worse, I want a different girl a strange type of woman. “Do I Miss Ordinary.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to, and I would be lying if I said I have known ever fear and have found myself victorious because as much as I promise I’m Never Going Back Again I have days like today where I remember. Did I dare dream that once upon a time you were Just Another girl like the rest of them, you scared me like them, you could have been boring *gasp* and talk about twenty seconds of insane courage, my love.

Ordinary is sitting there watching them laughing at me, girls and maybe one day I’ll grow up and stop calling you all girls, I might not be a scared little boy. If anything I can’t call myself ordinary because you are Extraordinary. You deserve better from me. First I couldn’t look at ordinary anymore, but when it presented itself, with whispers and laughs, I wish I could say I didn’t waste my time, no if I couldn’t tell ordinary, to go to Hell how could I possibly be worthy of someone like you. I know I’m no prince to slay dragons though so many trials and tribulations and when I found you, so much for mediocre, or what was ordinary.

A girl is capable of making a man do the impossible, a good girl, even more, a woman, princess, queen, empress, goddess, shall I continue you made me capable of everything and anything. You made me let go of my hate today, as I said today I saw again who I was so long ago, even now I feel so pathetic and weak, and I didn’t know if my rage would consume me or my tears would drown me but being the person you are… The fact that I can never escape you and you don’t wish to be free from me, if it wasn’t my hate of them it was for myself, god my love for you transcends that of myself, but the fact remains I love myself, and that will never be ordinary.

I’m sure the dog misses his spot… he still gets bed space only a little less thankfully he is small, I miss the day like today where I could scream and yell at someone, I miss hate, I miss indifference, all ordinary and it shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t have been. Ordinary is me being a jester instead of a king; we can’t be ordinary; baby girl this is No Ordinary Love. Do I Miss Ordinary?

I Will Have No Fear