Tag: Day Job

Chronicle 097 ~Braxton Promises To Pray~

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With my paws, I promise to walk beside you. To stand against any and all who come against us. To let you know where I am. But don’t touch them. I hate when God or his servants attempt to force my hand too. But the Day Job? “Braxton Promises To Pray.”

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

Chronicle 097 ~Braxton Promises To Pray~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that’s not enough to see one’s true paradise, the right person, or my puppy now.

Yet on this Sunday, writing about Wednesday, as I play prophet. The humiliations, Inspector Echo, are getting worse. A revelation I’ve had of late sigh. When I was constantly worrying about Braxton, as long as he was okay… Well, life was Hell, so I believed. Inspector, these days, whenever I pray for strength, guidance, will. I always direct those whispers towards Braxton. Except for the Day Job. I continue to pop my wrists with a rubber band when I allow fear to guide my steps. Surprised my hands remain, Inspector. With all the work I’ve been doing today. Is that what I call it, talking to the Man in the Mirror. I was talking about a wedding band. Then my time out of the shower.

“Stuff And Thangs?” What I wouldn’t give to see a few $100’s, some $1,000’s appear in my wallet. B III wouldn’t understand money but anything that stopped me from leaving. I’m far less ashamed of being naked than whatever I’ve been doing this week. Hell, this Wednesday cannot be worse than the “Wednesday.” I remember B crying. As for me? You know I have never liked the terms owner, master, and the like. Someone wrote that dogs think they’re people; cats believe they are gods. Or even dogs think people are gods. Braxton never asked me to save him, only to hold him and bring him home. I couldn’t even do that. At least not in the way he wanted anymore. I wonder what B believed in. In me alone?

Braxton was blessed with paws, not hands, and he didn’t appreciate me touching them. Braxton is supposed to be beside me at times like these. These hands for petting Braxton. Inspector, I am ashamed I can’t do that anymore. Doesn’t that make today seem better? How I like to think Braxton was/is optimistic. At least he was/is good at pretending. Daddy needs only to return, and regardless of what happened, he would make it better. Echo, I gave him a treat before I left as I can’t stand lies, even for the love of Braxton. I still pray for him whenever I go. Does he watch over me? Even when I was no longer a monk. Doing whatever Day Job wise. Braxton Promises To Pray

248 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 090 ~2B Or Not To~

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A great man once wrote, to be or not to be. I’m nowhere near, not even good, and who would ever think I’m alright? Carolina Bound or M Anime? I do worry what B III thinks of me, wherever he is now. 2B Or Not To

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Chronicle 090 ~2B Or Not To~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That’s like saying Braxton is alive. I own a brothel, and I’m married to NieR’s 2B.

Carla Valenti

We’ll get into that soon enough. Forgive me, Inspector Echo, for I have sinned. If I hadn’t given you Carla Valenti’s form from Indigo Prophecy, you would be a nun. I had a thing for holy women once “ahem” do (M Anime). Anyway, I should try to regain my holiness. But I have the spirit of fear when it comes to tagging up the shoes at my fucking Day Job. I refuse to speak my mind there. Anytime I find myself lying, that’s only Acceptance. Yesterday the Stupidity I showed was libel to get someone hurt, and I was corrected. Inspector, I find myself breaking Rule 002 You Are Not A Caveman. What’s Rule 001? Dammit, these may not seem like violations but killing Braxton…

If anything, that is the one crime I know I will never surpass. As always, Braxton remains the constant. So what took me so long getting back to you, considering it is now 9:40 AM? Routine, Tradition, the Usual, another day? I would have gotten up because of B III. Braxton would take his medication first because the meds made him into a fire hydrant. Then we would walk. Depending on my laziness, we would eat breakfast, Braxton and me. Today, there was his water and his treat in Remembrance. I fixed a Pop-Tart and a cappuccino. Oh yeah, then I had to get all sorts of crazy ideas for “Stuff And Thangs.” Of course, you know how that goes. I wouldn’t have dared before.

When I’m not Braxton’s Daddy, who am I? The people at Petsmart have stopped offering. I pet fur babies, but I can’t bring one home. To be a Dad again because I’m no model, ha. I don’t want to be, Inspector, you know. I woke up at 4:00 AM and shut my eyes. It hurts. Dangerous thoughts, but then there are moments. There are always several for B, my son. There are productive times. Not that I’m counting today sitting in bed or kitchen nakedness. I’ve been saying it, sitting in the Den with the door closed, believing Braxton’s back? Inspector, he wouldn’t be happy with me, slacking off reading. None of it’s Shakespeare but better than Playboy. Awake and Alive? 2B Or Not To

241 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

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B III deserved the best life. A gold medal for putting up with me. So what am I doing with my thirty pieces of silver? Mostly sleeping, if not that renting some films and indulging in sin. And what about “My Turn to B III.” B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son.

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, “and I’m proud to be an American,” as the song goes. Haven’t watched the Olympics, though.

Well, not much anyway. I figured today would be easier, having finished my Braxton’s book and all. It’s only been a day, and already I’m falling back into a routine. I haven’t looked at it, and while I’m falling into Sesame Street today is brought to you by the letter S. SLEEP. It took so much to wake up this morning. Notice once again I didn’t say get out of bed but to open my eyes. Won’t say I’m proud of what I did afterward. I had to restart my addiction record. I wonder how long I’ll last this time. Counting before B died, it was 161. Today it’s been 181 Days since B III’s been gone. Did I ever tell you, Lady Lu, how much I can’t stand math?

Me being STUPID at the whole concept of it? Let’s go over OnlyFans, Amazon, and doing nice things? I took care of it this AM, moaning the name of Somebody That I Used To Know. While I’m on the subject of my body, how about the fact that I should go shopping? That would explain my energy level possibly. B’s novel took a lot out of me, and there’s more. No worries, I have the 50,000 words, only I know I could write more. Considering what this week is going to bring. Even the “fun stuff” Lady Lu is bringing me all types of anxiety. I got Amazon Prime thanks to M Anime, so I should watch “The Tomorrow War” and how about “Werewolves Within.”

“Excellent” titles, and I’m still struggling to remember “My Turn to B III.” One of the points I make in it and now is that my son always takes second place. Luna, you might recall me complaining about missing plenty trying to finish… the Day Job. There was nothing left for him when I would return. All I wanted to do was sleep, and that was that. The more things change, the more they stay the same, but Braxton’s not here to punish with indifference. So I sit here and rot, only keeping up with my thoughts of being Bill Gates as I finish a book series. So more stuff to buy unrelated to Braxton, such is my continued Judas betrayal. B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son

181 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

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I’m thinking of any time I was cheered for anything. I don’t do sports and only watch wrestling and the Olympics. Or at least I did, but what was I doing last night as Team USA walked in, the drones flew, the Pictograms? When B was sick. Give Me A B

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must cheer the “ideology” of the USA. You know Capitalism. Oh, the Olympics…

Yeah, I knew I forgot something. The Olympics, myself, B III. No, I would instead cheer for my Day Job. Or jeer, doesn’t matter to them as long as I’m there, even when I’m not. If it’s not that, how about going all out for a corporation. Always Amazon. How many people talk about them and yesterday sure I went shopping for Succubus Lord 19. It’s madness that I can find the time, literally see it; the alarm goes off. I wish I could say that’s when I put it down and get to work. No, I’m a slave to it. Obsessed fanboy, hmm? What I’m getting at is, I’m starting to hate this game called Life. You ask me what else is new, right.

Some days are worse than others and yesterday wasn’t one to write home about. Home, again, I’m left without one with Braxton being gone. My cheering is rooted in exhaustion. As I “watched” The Olympics Opening Ceremony. Between being on my phone, keeping an eye on “Stuff And Thangs,” and working on not going to prison, I got an idea. Hate, Lady Lu, it’s like a painting. My eyes were so tired, but there was so much to do. The thing is, when I look at the picture, closer, deeper, focus, oh Braxton Barks Bradford. With such love, it was easy to see that the whole painting was made more beautiful. Then you remove that one element, and what remains? I don’t want to look.

I want to cheer for my Braxton again any time he did something good. As I talked about yesterday, I need his collar back around his neck and not lying empty in his bed. Today I want to say that I did 5000 words and not 3100. You won’t hear me cheering for Brandy, but as the song plays Almost Doesn’t Count. B’s the only time second is first. Almost should become my new Another. It’s not Another day, but it is Almost a day. It all depends on when I choose to live it. Do you think B is somewhere cheering me on? For now, he would be on the end of the bed waiting for me. I’m still sleeping. Give Me A B.

174 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 016 ~Braxton Takes An L~

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Fear, Failure, and other effing words wake me up more than any sort of joy. That joy, of course, had a name, Braxton. What do you call someone who loses? No, B III didn’t lose because when his life was over, who made that happen. Braxton Takes The L.

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Chronicle 016 ~Braxton Takes An L~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m still working at a loss with Braxton being gone. Live, Laugh, Love, not me.

I don’t Live because I’m afraid. Lady Luna, you don’t know how sick and tired I am. It’s being afraid every single day. Is today going to be one of THOSE days? Yes, I’m afraid so after yesterday. Oh, I gave it the good ole college try; when it came to the novel. 1400 words. It was the Day Job, Lu, but I suppose I should be grateful. Start every day with gratitude, THEY say. I didn’t have to walk to the Day Job, yet I spent the entire day terrified. You can’t have one without the other like always; stupidity and humanity, sigh, me. It’s the fact that I can’t do Drive-Thru Pick-Ups? How I closed the Online Pick-Up room to hide from people?

And THEY Laugh at my need for some Emotional Support. At least all the focus would have been on Braxton. I would Laugh at myself if I thought that any of this would get any better for me, Luna. Giving one customer their order isn’t some Twist In My Sobriety. A cure for my anxiety, No, I’m still sweating from the thought of it. I’m screwing up my Six Impossible Things because I need to feel good. What is it about laughter being the language of the soul? I swear I would sell mine, well what’s left, bringing back Braxton. M Anime lost all her texts, but somewhere I brought up live, laugh, love. I can’t stand that phrase, to be honest. But to Love…

What, again? Speaking of another book, The Bible. “The greatest of these is Love,” you know 1 Corinthians Faith, Hope, and Love. If I ever get married, I do plan on having that read. But then again, the “Greatest Love Of All” by Whitney Houston. I can’t feel it now.
Oh, I love Braxton. That never goes away. Only I don’t love myself, and that’s because of all this fear. If I can’t deal with one woman for two to five minutes. Hating the ASM. And I don’t know; the guilt, continuing for 167 Days. B III didn’t take an L; I gave him one. That’s because I wasn’t giving a FUCK about him or myself when it would’ve mattered. But Braxton Takes The L.

167 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 353 ~No B In Emancipation~

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Emancipation, Acceptance, Survivor are big words, yet we wonder why we rather say “I” despite who it hurts. THEY say I set him free and if I had to do it again… To be a better friend, father, forgo my freedom, for there’s “No B In Emancipation.”

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Gospel 353 ~No B In Emancipation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so there are some “I’s” when it comes to whatever I’m doing. Here come the tears

Not for Juneteenth. I’m pleased with the holiday, which was celebrated Friday, being a federal holiday and all. This weekend too. I’m a man of my word ha-ha about some plans for today. Of course, that’s why I woke up late, 7:00 AM. What a way to start the day, don’t you agree? So you want me to explain the crying AHEM, Tradition! Braxton got his walking papers, was emancipated, got his shots, and now here I am. Today I go in for the COVID Vaccine, a first dose. Yeah, B III got his back to back as I sat there, my eyes wide open, Lu. My Arms Wide Open but we’ll get to that. Should we talk about how offensive I’m being right now?

I’m not trying to, but I’m learning freedom can be. What’s so offensive in Acceptance? Such a belief that Braxton would always be here for me. Comparing Life with Death. Believing in such things as the greater good, the bigger picture. Hell, just sitting here. Wasn’t it, last week, I told myself that I better not waste the entire week I was off and free? What are you going to do with freedom? I tell you, Lady Lu, not a damn thing to save me. At least if B was here, I could say as the song goes, “You Were Loved.” I set him free. Didn’t I, like it was any given Sunday, but it’s Saturday, yeah. If you love someone, set them free, right?

Yes, I must remind you and me that I’m not suicidal… currently taking this vaccine. Yet I’m reminded of The Cure by Sonia Levitin. Braxton and I being “Recycled” together. I would have taken that deal. How about making this choice last night to survive? Remember, Six: The Mark Unleashed “I still remember the last free choice I ever made. It was the wrong choice.” I am a free man, a black man, an American. But I serve, we do. With it all, B III wanted to stay until his last breath. I think of his eyes; sigh. “Why Daddy?” Braxton’s freedom from the suffering, the sickness, the sinner that I remain after 139 Days. Slaves waited years for liberty. Mine… No B In Emancipation

139 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 346 ~Be Something B Cause~

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I’ve said this before, how my Ma would say, I would find my way. My aunt would say I wanted to destroy the world. She was wrong “in a way,” I only ended my world, which is why Braxton ain’t here. Be Something B Cause it’s getting hard to breathe

Saturday, June 12, 2021

Gospel 346 ~Be Something B Cause~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I were Eric Thomas, I’d be a millionaire. I know what’s what. I’m here.

It’s 4:30 in the morning, and Eric Thomas wakes up at 3:00. Hell Lady Lu, I’ve woken up at 2:00 for far less money and for what. We both know the answer to that. At the same time, I have stayed up until 4:00 in the morning. So like a Backstreet Boy, tell me why. 132 days, and like the moon, which is your namesake, B III’s smell has yet to disappear. At the moment, he is lending me his strength, giving me focus, purpose, cause. I have a dream, and now it’s time to put that vision into action. Perhaps this is merely insanity. Haven’t I mentioned Eric Thomas, The Backstreet Boys, and MLK in the span of a few minutes? It’s too early.

Which is what I told myself when Braxton lay dying. I’m not ready yet, but I’m a fighter, a friend, a father. Any of that sounds better than a Freight Associate; excuse me, I’m more Operational now. But, of course, that would be fine if I was building Death Stars. First off, and I believe I’ve told you or one of the girls before, my aunt was wrong. Destroying worlds is not something I agree with. Yet, I would take that in comparison to what I do for a “living.” Only this week, I’ve squandered extensively so many days, yep. To think I would use Braxton as an excuse, but he was also a reason. Now he is but a memory driving these words forward.

I found myself in the store yesterday questioning what’s it all for. I stood in the same spot I once had on January 31, picking out a digital frame for his pictures. Yes, tears Lady Luna. Ironic I don’t want him to see me now as I picked out a tripod to hold my phone for “Stuff And Thangs.” I still haven’t quit that foolishness… what about my vow and everything? I can’t keep saying tomorrow; how about July when I write my book about him. With all the letters I have ready to go, and it could always be my laziness in the end. Last year I had a few months to think, not do. Braxton, give me strength to Be Something B Cause.

132 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 345 ~Good Morning B, Sorry~

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Last week I talked about “sleepytime,” and this one, I’m still as lazy. Only more to the point of what it was/is like to wake up with somebody that loves you. Other than Braxton, I can’t say I have much experience. Good Morning B, Sorry, but rest now

Friday, June 11, 2021

Gospel 345 ~Good Morning B, Sorry~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how’s that for waking up with gratitude. I suppose I’m grateful for sleeping even more.

As always, a note that I’m not suicidal, but if I could sleep forever… Again I woke up at 4:00 AM, said my stomach hurts, and fell back asleep. I didn’t have anything pressing, hmm. Braxton wasn’t here to step on my face. His fur wasn’t all over the place. I’m sure he would have found something to bark at by now. I’d take those mornings over this, I know. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate them more. Inspector Echo is one to hear my confessions. Braxton is somewhere resting upon the perfect comfy spot that he’s still digging into, bet. The last day he was with me, he was lying beside me, but we’ll get to that. Oh great, now my tears have found comfort.

I would tell B III I was sorry before I even told him good morning. Then, of course, I’d follow with another apology. Sorry for waking him up, a morning with meds, then yep, sorry B, but keeping you alive…

On my off days, he would be the one waking me up for his morning walks. I was the lazy one, and he would jump around until I was ready to go. It’s a toss-up to eat or walk. There were, of course, those nights when I was writing, thinking, “I’m Gonna Be Somebody.” I already was Lady Sophia. I am B III’s Daddy, but those were late bedtimes. If I had done something, it would have been worth it, but here’s a question. Where am I this gray morning?

Like Friday, January 29, 2021, I’m sitting in bed reviewing a story, only it happens to be Braxton’s now. Gospel 212 On The “Will” Succubus… what the fuck, ignorance, insanity. At the same time, I was petting Braxton, telling him I was sorry he felt sick. I called Braxton’s vet after four hard days at the Day Job, never once thinking about THE END. Lying in his own bed that Sunday as I held him, seeing his little brown eyes fight for life. I’m sorry, it’s okay, you can rest, the words flowed from me. I wish I had told him, Sleepytime, Night, Night Braxton, Sweet Dreams. But, I do now, knowing that as the alarm rings, I’ll walk downstairs saying Good Morning B, Sorry.

131 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 338 ~B The Dream Within~

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I’d sing to B plenty but a lullaby before “sleepytime.” He was always busy guarding the house, protecting me in my laziness, or stuffing his face. Sleepytime was the only time we dreamt together. Then one Wednesday afternoon… B The Dream Within.

Friday, June 4, 2021

Gospel 338 ~B The Dream Within~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But instead of dreaming about those billions, new books, or my boy, last night was terrible.

Might I write out some of my dreams tomorrow? Today, of course, being Day 124 is all about Braxton’s dreams. If my pictures are any indication, I watched B III sleep a lot. It’s the least I could do as he did the same for me when I would come from the Day Job. No wonder I’m so exhausted. Besides, you know, manual labor. I don’t have anyone watching my back anymore, so I have to be on guard. When I was awake, it was my turn; no words necessary, yet I still ask the question. What are you dreaming, Little B? Vittles mostly? Lady Sophia, you don’t know how badly I want to believe that. He had his good dreams but also some nightmares.

As I said before, I could tell you about my nightmare. Usually, I only sleep that of the dead. Hell, at least Braxton and I could be together, other dreams I’ve written down before. Having escaped work yesterday, I wish I would have slept more. To see B on duty, I’ll always miss him on his perch. There were the days he would lie out in the sun as I worked downstairs. I continue to carry his pillow and place it under the table. Yet today, I’m working on the couch, partly because my shoulder hurts and after my betrayal. Now I used to think B III was pretty annoying when he woke me up, but you know what? If anything, he stopped my nightmares.

Most of them appear in the daylight now. The first is always a world without my son. There is no waking up from this but only a feeling against my ankles; an imagined bark echoed. You know when everybody wants me to shut up, there’s this one like yesterday that asks. So where’s that little puppy of yours? Braxton passed away; beats I’m a murderer. Cause what am I now? I can’t say I’m a monk anymore after 161 Days. Once again, my attempt at asexuality started before Braxton’s death. I don’t deserve to feel good, and even after the moment it happened, “Stuff And Thangs.” There was my shame. I hope Braxton was resting and not watching his Dad fall. B The Dream Within

124 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 306 ~Trade But Don’t Betray Yourself~

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The day after my son died, I traded a day of mourning for a morning at the Day Job. I gave up music to hear curses I’d level at a meathead jock asshole of an ASM. SIGH, I break “Rule 186” every day at the Day Job. Trade But Don’t Betray Yourself

Monday, May 3, 2021

Gospel 306 ~Trade But Don’t Betray Yourself~

Hundred And Eighty-Sixth Rule

Madame Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would it be worth being a sell-out for this or that.

Not for Braxton’s life. I keep telling myself, I’m not moving into BARGAINING as of yet. People are too STUPID!!! My ANGER still rules but isn’t that one more way I have broken this rule. Take, for example, my Empathy for Apathy. No, worse, all I had left was ANGER. It’s the reason I hate the ASM and the Day Job so much. THEY remind me of killing my son by giving me the same weapon I did it with. I raged at them and, in turn, killed my boy, trying not to feel anything. When my tears threatened to wash away the blood… dammit. A meathead jock of an ASM had to fuck it all up for me. Now yes, Madam, I deserve Hell.

So with that being the case, I trade Hell for what, PRIDE? I won’t be leaving with that, I know. Um, listen to me, like I’ve been fired now. Yes, I’m back in the time machine because it’s Saturday, May 1. Last week was Hell, and this one isn’t shaping up at all. Friday, I felt a bit like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank, giving a bit of myself for my friend’s happiness. That’s a good way of putting it, Madam Justice. Andy Dufresne helped the other prisoners because he wanted to feel normal again. Indiana’s time has been shattering. If I were a God-fearing man, I would say I’m giving up silver and gold to pick up my cross. The smallest coffins are the heaviest.

How dare I right? Not only for saying that, but B III had a nice long life, but ask anyone with a furbaby. They will always be our children, and I let a fucking job try and destroy me. Braxton’s death has done that sure enough. Now all I have is that fucking Day Job. The Manager told me about my loyalty, and I would be willing to trade a decade of it for twenty days of hatred. It’s been seventy-two days since I met that bastard and ninety-two days now, so yes, twenty. Hell, I don’t even remember the man I was a ten-years prior. Only I’d trade the man I am now to be who I should have been for Braxton. Be Better… Trade But Don’t Betray Yourself.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will