Tag: Depression

Lesson 259 ~Here Comes The Sun~

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I’m not tired, to the contrary I’m quite tired, but it’s nothing that sleep can cure… did I just say that; I’ll probably be out all day but then again how is that different from any other day just slipping away? Here Comes The Sun

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Lesson 259 ~Here Comes The Sun~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but if that’s the case, why can’t I sleep, it’s nearly four in the morning and trust me I slept but I woke up at maybe twelve, and I’ve been up ever since, in more ways than one… Reasons I stay awake and yes being horny is one. Yesterday was a real nail-biter, but I got back in touch with “Cherry,” wrote that song for the dog, talked to Lady Sophia and even worked on my novel some at the behest of “Indiana Gone,” I even went to a movie, “Tomb Raider.”

Hell is that not what my bedroom has become, am I not a vampire, with everything I have survived I must have super strength, I don’t see myself in the mirror, I leave in the dark and rush back to the house, I live off watching people bleed. If I’m not a vampire, I would say, zombie, with my phone I don’t need to have a brain, I eat enough to stay animated, and I’m not too picky, I jump at loud noises and usually have to investigate them. How about Frankenstein’s monster, awake only to do my master’s bidding, whoever that is at the time and if I didn’t have that then what’s next?

Is it my depression, do I need another song idea besides Nina Simone or Usher “Confessions Part II.” Fortunately, that’s Wednesday’s problem, and I’m still looking forward to being employed? Now you can see why I would rather be the monster in this scenario because what was that about not being afraid, again I’ve been up and scared to death about my job before. I wish I could say I’m finishing up everything that I need to do today, yesterday, the day before, reminds me of my math class and just writing the problem over again and again, these days I just make lists that keep getting longer everyday Lu.

You’re not a chore more a habit, and I keep asking myself where the time goes when I’m not looking up porn or sleeping as you can guess, I don’t have much of a life, judging by the things we discuss. So like a real therapist you ask me why I’m not sleeping like someone sane this night, and that is just something else I’m going to have to learn.

What have I learned today, when the day hasn’t even started yet, maybe this is just my standard work time, and that’s sad that I’m getting ready for the inevitable conclusion of getting fired but still Here Comes The Sun.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 252 ~Ode To My Bed~

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I don’t have to be up you know, Lesson 001 was about the things that kept me awake, and here we are now, and all I want to do is sleep, maybe that prevents me from making the same mistakes but isn’t that life too? “Ode To My Bed.”

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Lesson 252 ~Ode To My Bed~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, I don’t have bad dreams, there’s no monster under the bed, and in the court of public opinion, I am the boogeyman; I should also say I might save money redoing my bedroom. Hell I named you after the moon Luna, I spend money or pills and energy drinks to rev me up so I can crash, I haven’t made my bed in ages, and it seems to me I love my bed so much that I want to build another room.

These days all my money goes into “bedroom attire” for a friend, I used the Walmart Pick-Up just so I can come back here quicker, and with my current bank account, it’s not like I can go out. Think about the places I go, the movies are dark, and people aren’t supposed to talk, the library which is another quiet place, and speaking of which I have been too lazy to check out my local library recently. A bookstore so I can fill my head with more stories, then again don’t I have Amazon, and what book aren’t I reading this week, ask Lady Sophia.

This moment is one of those times I wish I could blame society, more bullets, more death, some men just want to watch the world burn and my aunt who died some years back said I wanted to destroy the world; call me a Trump supporter because I want to profit. You could say that it’s my Depression, the place I work, everything that went down with “Okay,” worries about life and that would make perfect sense, why I sleep all the time. It could be the fact that even for not giving a shit about people face to face, I care too much, I unsubscribed from so many stores but how many petitions have I signed, how many contacts have I talked to, friends can be exhausting, and I dare to ask for love.

Wee Little Puppy Man is asleep at my feet, and even when he goes out it’s to bring the ruckus, bring the noise, and how about all my playlists of late, almost like a drug. So if I have learned anything today, I should look up the definition of an ode. I need to find something I love as much as my dog and my bed, and honestly, I want to see how it all ends, even if it’s just the rain outside, before the bombs, Ode To My Bed.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 224 ~Write Me A Letter~

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No, I’m not playing my cheerleader, and this isn’t a spelling bee, now if you have some of that Love Potion No. 9, I would probably use it to drown myself with it, at least it would keep me from talking. “Write Me A Letter,” leave it on the grave ha.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Lesson 224 ~Write Me A Letter~

“There are only 20 letters in the alphabet”.

“No, there are 26!”

“Oh, I forgot U R A Q T.”

“You forgot one letter.”

“I’ll give you the D later.”

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore so deliver me a D, loan me an L, and vote me to a V, what does that spell, nothing at all, I’ve never been a spelling bee champion, just ask Google, and how I’m trying to define so much these days.

Defeat not being one of them; yes Lady Lu this is one of those days and not just because of the rain, I could have used a day like this yesterday, Mr. Blue Sky and a Sunshine Day, and I spent the majority of it in bed. Depression is a hell of a drug, and it’s a disease this thing called love as I heard once, breaking my own heart, so is today about getting over myself maybe, getting off my back and giving my hands something else to do and not behaving like, well you know. Dick, a Willie, just another Wiener and there will be plenty of those next week to be seen, but I’ll be keeping mine in my pants though there is a girl here or there that wish I wouldn’t.

Lonely is something I shouldn’t be if I were a better man or at least a less shallow one, I was looking forward to a striptease, but no I’ll be getting ready for the big day. It’s my dog’s birthday; he’s turning 13, which is 68 according to Pedigree. Loser for a best friend he honestly deserves better, though everybody else seems quite content, losers don’t fight back, losers exist for the joy of others, and as the song goes, “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Love am I right, no matter where it comes from it’s always destroying me or maybe I give too much and get too little, and that makes me sound like a selfish douche I know…

“Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Loser, Beck

Voicing such feelings isn’t allowed anymore is it, am I still harping on about work, about lies, about not being heard, yeah I hate listening to it as well, but I can’t help but question what I want more. Valentine’s Day, remember, lust, love, and please don’t say like, I think I’ve had more than I can stand of that word being in the general manager’s office a few days ago, I sounded like such an idiot, and no I didn’t win. Victory ha, a term as unfamiliar to me as my name these days.

What have we learned today other than the fact that I’m burning out on creativity and I should buy a dictionary if I’m so out of touch; from Heaven or Hell, from the hotel rooms, the happy homes, the places I might never see could you Write Me A Letter.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 223 ~SORRY, In Capital Letters~

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Not for all the tea in China, see even that makes me feel like I owe an apology, but nobody is getting one unless they have four legs and fit snuggly in my bed or two and some good assets, then I’m sure I’ll know one word. “SORRY, In Capital Letters”

Friday, February 9, 2018

Lesson 223 ~SORRY, In Capital Letters~

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, talk about job security, I never love anybody so that’s why I am perpetually in business and what about that account for my day job? Something I’m going to have to confess to Inspector Echo. My how I hate wasting words, a genocide of thought and I love writing and for that I’ll repeat it, I’m sorry.

Ironically probably my grandest love at the moment which of course is my dog, can’t read and as much as he tilts his cute little head, he doesn’t understand the word. In truth with all of my writing starting from my name to this moment I’m still trying to understand anything and everything. It might explain my depression and why I haven’t been writing because no one wants to comprehend not even me and as much as I wish I could say I’m beyond description, I’m not worth it sometimes.

“Shut up or die…” Pontypool

If anything Lady Sophia that’s been the lesson for this whole godawful week, shut up or become one of them, the infected cretins always just vomiting out whatever is right at the time. Fine, okay, happy, here’s something else I would never say, Trump is a genius, he may be a moron and say some horrible things but the thing about it is, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what he says. He never says he’s sorry but what does that mean, how does Trump feel about the American people, if he can scream his thoughts to the world “honestly.”

You know something, I think Love Story (1970) has it wrong, love means always having to say you’re sorry, again I’m forever apologizing to the dog, but I didn’t say it at work. I don’t say it to my family, hell I know a woman that loves me, but I don’t tell her I’m sorry. Talk about being a hypocrite; I started this thinking I’m always offering up apologies but other than to my dog who else is there, me and of course Inspector Echo.

My lack of writing might mean that I finally don’t love myself to try and save myself anymore with my words, but that won’t do at all will it? Would it help if I told you I’m sorry, would it help if I wrote it down a hundred times just like I Will Have No Fear, what will it take for me to listen, listen, hear, and understand this one word SORRY, In Capital Letters?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 175 ~Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight~

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No Eve on Christmas Eve so I suppose I only have myself to blame and yet more presents to buy than ever, even with free therapy sessions and that’s “good” right, more friends, more writing, more hope maybe. Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Lesson 175 ~Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I’m still not one for Etymology, but if there were a few words, I want to focus on today how about “good,” “Christmas” in particular “Eve” to be honest. How about depression, sorry if that’s my mood as of late, but I’m looking for a quick explanation rather than a manifesto or another full-blown novel, so yes no fear today.

Not like this morning; last night I had a nightmare that’s been echoing in my brain all day, something about me and one of my ex-bosses and going after them… hell, most days I spend my afternoons and evenings trying to forget. Was it a dream, some part reality, I’m sure I wasn’t in the office with Morris Chestnut telling me that my anger was going to get me into trouble. As much as I HATE my job, I still need it, and I’m working on Christmas Eve, only Christmas Eve the whole week which scares me, no fear, I keep forgetting, but I’m always awaiting the bad news truthfully.

What about good, mornings are never, afternoons, evenings, nights, all just spaces of time that are anything but “good,” most often “bad” but what do I classify as “good”? As far as Christmas, every year is even less Christmas than the last, any cookies, movies, music that I tuned out a long time ago, again a space of time that if anything makes me sad. What about Eve, a woman tempted who brought about the dark, no I’m not a theologian either, and I’m too lazy to look up the nuances of the word eve and speaking of lazy what about gifts… I make one lousy friend don’t you think?

Is there such a thing as a “good” patient though, with my depression you should be making a ton Lady Lu, and I will get to pay you to once everything is “good.” Now that is a word I need to define, how about joyful, happy, and then, of course, there is love which brings us back to “it’s the most “wonderful” time of the year” or maybe not, perhaps once upon a time right?

Back when I thought of myself as “good,” again when a sentiment such as good morning wasn’t a lie; when Christmas and or Eve was a time to be alive and not just another day before Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 168 ~Bed Is For Sleeping~

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Don’t we all have our place in the world and if bed wants to be mine who am I to argue, I can rage, rage, all I want from the comfort of my pillow but life has other plans sadly. Bed Is For Sleeping and living is for; does it even matter ha

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Lesson 168 ~Bed Is For Sleeping~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear of missing out on that though, for the past few days, my bed has been the center of my universe, though, besides my faithful dog, there is no sign of intelligent life, let alone living itself. As I was telling Indiana Gone today, I don’t know if it’s depression, sickness, or just plain exhaustion but the mere fact I’m up at all is a miracle, so food helps, surprise, surprise.

Not getting much relief from anything else, talk about being up, it’s been nearly a month now since I went on “hiatus” yes I’ve edged some and hell the longest I’ve ever gone is forty days and then let’s say the flood dissipates. You would think with all my free time I might do something constructive and if you count my day job then yeah but what was it I was saying about my depression? I can’t blame it all on work though, as much as I would like to, I think I’m becoming a sponge, and sooner or later you have to ring it out or throw it away.

Sad that I always have to remind you that I’m not on the path of suicide, trust me when something like that gets to me you’ll know, but I am reaching a threshold when it comes to all this negativity. Darkness infects the real world, and soon there will be fire, but when my fictional universes follow suit, I guess it’s just getting to be a bit too much. It’s as if I have hit a threshold of death and despair but what exactly was I expecting from The Walking Dead and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, I spent my one miracle on today sadly.

Sleep is the one escape from everything though there was one nightmare of being fired and considering my writing career and whatever I may have to do or not do tomorrow. Am I more or less frightened? It’s one thing when you know the gallows are built and ready, another when you have one more day in prison Lady Lu.

Have I even tried to learn anything today, it’s the reason I write down my rules and hoard the mail but even then, what of everything I’ve forgotten by now? There is always more blood, more hurt, more despair and what about fear, when I’m awake, Bed Is For Sleeping.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 149 ~Anger Is Better That Despair~

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All I know is I rather not be the victim, and I don’t believe that all anger is necessarily bad, or at least that’s what everyone attempts to convince themselves of, and it seems like such an angry world and why not Anger Is Better That Despair.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Lesson 149 ~Anger Is Better That Despair~

Eighth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, indeed for everything that I do out of fear, anger… perhaps it’s what makes me the most foolish, but I could live with nearly anything else but despair. When I first began writing again it was out of despair but what makes me keep writing is this great fire, and somedays I don’t care what stokes it honestly.

Despair would have set in if I quit my job today, anger is what got me back to the real work and the somewhat asinine hope that someday I will be rich enough, ready enough, real enough to end the humiliation, degradation, and possibly the perversion of my soul. Now, what is it I said about stoking the fire, trust me if I was only as angry as I was today, instead of being as horny as everything, even my own filthy little sex romp of a novel isn’t a substitute for actual porn. Shouldn’t that make me angry, I am my own worst enemy most days which just makes everything else set me off so damn easy, but shouldn’t we all be angry with everything in the world today.

There is a poem somewhere about how the world will meet its end in fire or ice and don’t count me as any true interpreter Madam Justice but shall we drown in boiling seas of blood, or freezing lakes of our tears since we are doing nothing. Anger at least makes you take action even if that action is the dumbest thing in your whole life, what has despair ever gotten me. A hangover from sleeping pills or vomiting my guts out for a few days, anger can make you must industrious, how many industries do some build on it.

People talk about self-defense, but somebody breaks into your house, there will be fear and anger, righteous or not doesn’t make any difference does it. Liquor feeds off both anger and despair which is why I don’t usually partake, no benefit honestly, as if something out of Furi Kuri/Fooly Cooly/FLCL as Mamimi says “I’ll overflow.”

Perhaps that is the lesson, I rather hurt others than hurt myself, or at least that’s why it is a rule as I am usually falling into depression. Does that make me a bad person; well, I haven’t killed anybody, my hands are clean, but Anger Is Better That Despair.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 134 ~Can You Count, Suckers~

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Should I count on you or should I look as if you owe me, owe the future wife, perhaps the man I want to be, the somebody I believe will actually care about my novel only 12,700 of 50,000 *sigh*. Can You Count, Suckers, because I really don’t want to.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Lesson 134 ~Can You Count, Suckers~

To Will:
No Fear, even though that sounded kind of dirty, but let’s focus on some accomplishments such as the fact that you actually have the entire, “Sick Fux” playlist on your phone. Already it’s going to be one of those days but you’re fifteen days into you know what and I know it’s only getting harder, really damn literally.

Think about your book today, didn’t I say be positive but you’re still so far behind but you only need 2,164 words per day to finish on time. You have now 120,000 words just collecting dust so making it to 50,000 words in a month shouldn’t be any big deal… yeah, I don’t buy that myself, using the words I believe in you and such. If anything you’re a realist and you know time is your enemy because sooner or later, everything is just going to come crashing down and I don’t want you thinking exit strategy anytime soon Will.

I know it sucks knowing that other people need you, what about the dog, and letting yourself down always hurts, though we can’t figure out why yet. No scratch that, you talk about being made into a monster but sometimes you are your own victim, case and point all of our conversations right? How about the people you haven’t even met, you should probably make a list of everyone who is going to owe you a favor but then again everyone isn’t you, how grateful are you for that tidbit?

Counting up would be “Hoes” while fun does not add to your final word total as of yet; counting money as well is just depressing, it’s like you’ve taken a trip back to Math class, English is hard too, and Sex-Ed class… off the table. There is only you and your writing, nothing more and nothing less because I’m counting on you, just as next week you’ll be counting on whoever you’ve become by then.

Hopefully, he’ll be a few words richer, a week’s worth stronger, possibly finishing reading another novel, feels like Mt. Everest and what is the payoff other than saying you were able to pull it off. I should have gotten this out of my system with Dirty Diana and Lady Sophia but I’m counting on you, time to be the man.

Way past time is always the lesson but if you really want to get up off your ass well ask yourself Can You Count, Suckers?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 119 ~Everything, Everything, But Tomorrow~

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A day of sitting on my ass and not in a good way: I wish tomorrow would never come even if it means I would feel this way for, god knows how long, I know work will be so much worse. “Everything, Everything, But Tomorrow”

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Lesson 119 ~Everything, Everything, But Tomorrow~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but depression has made itself right at home, along with even more anxiety and whatever else happens to be wrong with me and my blog at the moment. Honestly, I’m sort of envious Maddy from Everything, Everything, only I wish this was all in someone else’s head and not just my own or my stomach.

Today has been a waste, what am I saying this whole damn week has been a waste and to think I started with such high hopes and grand aspirations. You ask me where did I go wrong and the answer might take me forever and a day, but not today, or how about the last two that I just gave away? I couldn’t even say yes to “Indiana Gone” because everything is just falling apart, of course, this isn’t helping with the anxiety, I’m trying.

Hell, I’ll have to try harder if this keeps up because of tomorrow… I remember last price changes, how gross was that day? Honestly today I’m just back to trying to make it the next five minutes, it worked in the past but now I’m back to thinking about time. I don’t have time for anything anymore and that’s because I somehow or another forgot my favorite word, NO. Of course didn’t I say “No Fear” I say that every day, still trying to make it come true and yet here we are again right?

No I’m not sick just a Pop Tart and a chicken finger decided to lead an evacuation, yes this is getting grosser but honestly, where have I spent the majority of my day? If it’s not my stomach it’s me fearing everything else, my fellow authors, my computer, and that tomorrow is coming, faster now.

The thing is I’m more than willing to accept everything, I mean all of this than what awaits me but didn’t I survive the days of Sapphire, I’ve nearly survived another year, more waste. Personally, I just want to crawl into bed and await the inevitable, even if I feel better if I had to choose between Fear, Depression, and Anxiety, let’s say Fuck, Marry, Kill Style, I’d fuck depression, marry fear, and kill Anxiety.

So what have we learned today, that I should talk to several different doctors and maybe I could them about well, Everything, Everything, But Tomorrow.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 058 ~To Be Counted On~

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Counting the days until, such and such a day because I think I’m someday is not a measurement, at least not a good one, maybe I should try for something sooner. “To Be Counted On”, and I mean more than on my fingers and toes I suppose.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Lesson 058 ~To Be Counted On~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but why aren’t we counting the number of times I’ve said that why aren’t we counting how many rules it’s going to take for the new me, why aren’t we counting the days I can stay upbeat. How about we count the number of missed opportunities, well not really missed perhaps but one friend told me today that I wasn’t in a talkative mood… me.

I’m actually a bit too lazy to go back and count, okay maybe a little frightened, I’m still positive you know “Easy Street” but for the most part I have been counting anything to take me away from, that day, and for once I’m not talking about “Sapphire”, we’ll get to that. So far I have around Sixty-Four rules, and I actually have a plan to have three hundred and sixty-five, which I will later condense into something more manageable. If I was still depressed Lady Lu, we’d be talking in bed but I’m actually dressed, being productive, not so much for society but for myself, as I was telling my friend today, I don’t remember happy but I’m okay and even that’s a guess.

I heard once that idle hands are the devil’s playthings but that also goes to the mind, you remember that lady in the parking lot, was I working as hard then, I have to keep my mind occupied at all times it seems. This is probably what “Okay” was talking about that I wasn’t okay though she surprised me a bit noticing I was a completely different person, there was no drive, my biology was to be damned, and I kept my distance. I did confess to her which is why I’m fighting to keep the power of positivity; four words “Don’t Worry Be Happy”.

Have you noticed that I tend to keep our conversations to four-word titles and my rules to five words, seriously where do I get these numbers for things? Only one number matters at all in this age and that is NUMBER ONE, which explains how I got into this mess, to be ahead of somebody.

“What do you mean, “fuck this Employee of the Month shit”, man? When there’s some shit to be won, Goddamnit, I want it. I don’t give a fuck what it is. Y’know what I’m talkin’ about? I take no prisoners. I go hard doing this shit. Big dog. Big nuts. When names are on a mother-fuckin’ board I want to see my name at the top of that motherfucker and next to it, it needs to say “Winner”.” Lamar Davis

This, of course, brings us to the days counting down to Sapphire, I wonder are we as human beings conditioned to anticipate that day, I have all sorts of feelings. I know I keep saying Sapphire instead of the day… okay, that clears things up and did you know there are no good strip clubs around these parts, that’s sad.
“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.” Street Fighter (1994)

I’ve been counting the things in my Amazon Wish List, when I’m not quoting the company line “Impossible, Immoral, Illegal, Insane”, let’s add one more I, “Inane” at least to some people, to me, I’m just greedy. How about being pricey, as the song goes… if I were a rich man, besides the “M Anime” says I’m hard to shop for, when did I grow to become so complicated? As far as friends go, I might have a handle on two “Indiana Gone” and “Gospel Girl” which in truth means I’m still doing well, two girls last year so I should call this a win, no not like that Lu.

“What would you do if you had a million dollars?

I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.

That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?

Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.

Well, not all chicks.

Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.

Good point.

Well, what about you now? What would you do?

Besides two chicks at the same time?” – from Office Space (1999)

So besides counting a lack of options on strip clubs, I could go so many places but I have no clue what so ever, maybe I should count them. Maybe I should count the numbers of years I’ve been hanging around but can I trust you with that information… secrets are lies but this is not a secret, necessarily. M Anime got me fired up about food but maybe that’s just because I’m hungry, again I need to keep my hands and my mind full, why not add my stomach.

Didn’t I talk about a blank check the other day, besides avoiding you I’ve been counting up my emails and doing the PCH lotto, now this is easy enough to say, I hate math? I hate having so many options only to make excuses as to why I can’t have what I want, you know “Someday Is Not a Measurement.

 

“I don’t have O.C.D.

I had it when I was a kid,
but I haven’t done that in years.

You were just doing it.
When you walk slow like that.

What are you doing?
Are you counting?” – Elektra (2005)

Speaking of yet another rule how about habits, what about movies, or anything else I have to fill my mind with, I can’t tell you how many arguments I’ve had with fictional characters. Strangely enough being as crazy as I am, I’m a man that can be counted on to a certain degree, haven’t missed a day with you except for those years of hiatus.

Right now I’m 3×5, when I leave the house I push the door five times in circuits of three to make sure Braxton is safe, same with my lock I turn the lock three times, with each I tug five, I wash Braxton’s water bowl three times before filling it and take him outside on a multiple of five, talk about O.C.D. To keep my positive attitude, whenever I feel the darkness I play a movie in my head, I tell myself game info, I work on lists, to keep it all at bay. Just like my words I try for a multiple of five or ten, I know it sounds loony but while people believe I’m obsessing over them I’m maintaining my own life.

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” Muhammad Ali

I’m glad I have lost count of so many things that have been bad and no I don’t count every single breath, except for Braxton’s every now and again, vet’s orders with his condition. As far as the days I’m counting, Sapphire, fun time, and Okay told me not to worry about any trouble, I feel bad for her, I don’t know how she does it but she knows I’m a man that she can count on, I don’t abandon friends. I’m counting down the time to the end of this conversation Luna, not in a bad way but because I’m counting the time, the pages, so many other things.

So what have we learned besides, I count as to avoid becoming just another number and that I may have replaced depression with O.C.D. or I’m just giving into the O.C.D. more? Zero to hero Lady Lu, I want to make it out of this worry, I want to forget how To Be Counted On.

I Will Have No Fear