Tag: Life

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

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Do whatever you have to and I know I’m nowhere near polite with my writing but it is my passion, it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life for a variety of reasons, most I’m still attempting to WRITE out. “Passion The Will To Win”

Monday, July 09, 2018

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

Fortieth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to stay here as the song goes, I’m still at the library writing and talking to you when usually I would be at the house asleep by now, of course, this hasn’t been the perfect day, anywhere near but I’m up. Not in that way, not anymore besides what happened at the house and then going to work, speaking of work there is no passion there only the need I suppose to survive one more day.

No Madam Justice writing is my passion, and my name is Will, now if I stopped thinking with my willy and get some work done which is one more reason I’ve switched locations because I keep my hands on my keyboard. The question is will I win and I have to believe that I will, the first sign of passion is that you are willing to do whatever you “love” for free and not to toot my own horn only the words have flown for how long? Now if I could take this philosophy to every other aspect of my life, you know like have a passion for standing up for myself, perhaps to get the girl and one more?

How about the passion that I carry for all of my fandoms, I’m pretty damn loyal to “The Walking Dead,” “Detroit: Become Human,” “Into The Badlands” and plenty of other things. Of course, you’ll bring up women; I remember years ago I wasn’t passionate enough about my damn name, but when that rage bubbled up, I wrote a pretty long rant about my job, and things changed. I would say I won but what happened today… brunettes are but one more clue that life, in general, doesn’t give me anything but the passion for being somebody, for being better that is what gives me the drive I need to do something in my life honestly.

I’ll have plenty of time to write about it today, that’s right I should be well on my way because while I may have already screwed up my six impossible things, winning five of them is something, but I need to win them all, All I Do Is Win. That’s passion, for being the best at everything that I want to do because the life I’m living now… most days I wonder why I’m getting up truthfully, From Now On, Passion The Will To Win.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

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The first post of year two and I have to start off with failure; I feel somewhat like I fell off the wagon but let my new addiction be my words with the life I want to make perhaps reshaping my Matrix as it were. “Whenever You’re Ready Neo”

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason for failure; there isn’t one, now regret, disappointment, Idiocracy sure but if there is one thing I’m sure of is that you’re lazy but each week is the same thing though this one was particularly difficult. You should be in a more positive mindset I’m sure, something you should focus on but I can’t fault you for feeling the way you do, high hopes.

This week looks promising, and you’re even working in the library though if this went as well as yesterday; you didn’t go to the movies though, and you need to keep fighting that feeling especially now. Would it help to get rid of all the stress *sigh* thought you already did that but there was nothing there waiting for you other than release and now a fight uphill since you gave into temptation. Now you’re not Neo, okay I’ll stop with the negative, and that’s a promise, but we have to go ahead and get the facts out of the way, those six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 120**) (Day 001)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
Failed
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least
(Total 15,400) Completed (17,010)

You know how you’re feeling you don’t have to say, but this week you have the opportunity to put a real dent in your writing, the dog is off punishment, for now, and the fact that, you know who didn’t show up; if anything that’s a win. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I have no real advice to share or I’m only wanting to be a man of my word and that’s never a bad thing. Don’t look at these as bad things. Honestly, I’m going to start sounding like one of those motivational speeches soon, but the truth is the truth you can’t fight it, these six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Visit The Library The Entire Week
4. I Will Complete 50% Of “Legacy of Succession” by Anna Edwards
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Nine Thousand Words Minimum
(Total 24,400)

Do you see how we’re upping the ante because you know you’re better than this, your dog thinks you’re the best thing ever and last week didn’t we discuss what you’re doing this all for and if you have what it takes to do it for work, then why not this? I don’t want to say anything that sounds cliché; save the brain cells for the writing… yeah you know I truly wanted to say something right there, don’t you?

Maybe we should start calling the six impossible things promises, would that help, or work directives. What you genuinely need is a Morpheus for when you finally decide to start getting some things done you know Whenever You’re Ready Neo.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 005 ~Leave It To Printer~

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Every day the writing gets worse, either on my screen, on my face, on my sleeve, wherever as they say to write all you need to do is bleed and considering the pain these past few days. “Leave It To The Printer”

Friday, July 6, 2018

Episode 005 ~Leave It To Printer~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to write it, one reason not to; aren’t I always asking for reasons to be a writer, in middle school other than that story about turkeys I had my head buried in a book, nowadays it’s earphones. I also say I can never speak my mind; I’m always laughing, smiling, making some random noise because everybody has a story and I don’t want to read it or maybe I’m illiterate when it comes to people even in writing.

Of course, the killers in my latest novels are reflections of myself but why is it that everyone in my life can either, see my humiliation and my fear, and they speak it so the whole damn world can hear. Two, they think they have the right to write out my story, my destiny in their fairytales like The Adjustment Bureau and since there is no chairperson to be had? Three they don’t want the story to end, no more like I’m a joke but once you have the punchline there is no more fun, and that leaves me here broken, and if anything, I should be working on my story and not contemplating contacting HR again, for hurt feelings.

Excuse me Lady Sophia for repeating past mistakes; I do take responsibility I do put myself out there and let my critics eat me alive in case you were wondering why I’m so into the undead, in horror; killers for the most part work alone, but I face an army. I already said before I write these stories about how I think people should be then I live and I’m wrong on all counts and so what I write becomes well… “STUPID” and even now I can’t tell you the whole story. No, I leave that to my fiction, and nobody sees that either, but I was listening to motivational speakers all morning, and I don’t fear failure, I dread returning to my day job every day and being everything they want me to be.

If anything shouldn’t that be enough to give the printer whatever remains of me, hell shouldn’t I buy a new printer anyway, as always I need to take my writing more seriously instead of worrying about the blog amongst other things. Paper makes plenty of noise Lady Sophia, and with plenty of green, I still don’t know how to look at people or what will be their next fairytale, but all I am, my next novel Leave It To Printer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 004 ~Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions~

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While I never thought about being a wrestler, there was a time I was a big fan, and a part of me still is apparently, but I need more than a picture and more than a thousand words on most days. Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions, distracting.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Episode 004 ~Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to keep liking brunettes, girls with dark hair or crazy bright: Bayley, AJ Lee, Paige, Ronda Rousey, Askua, please stop me before I get into another porn downloading session. Don’t worry I’m still practicing No Fap, Day 117 and counting but it’s hard, it’s stressful, and considering how pissed I’ve been at “people” lately no wonder a girl like Alexa Bliss has caught my eye for the time being; what do they say, blondes have more fun.

Don’t remember the last time that I had fun, being on my back most days which only continues to push me towards the likes of Alexa and I can’t say I usually have a thing for athletic girls, but that’s because I hate most sports and wrestling doesn’t have cheerleaders. Why do I watch some of the Olympics again… though it isn’t cool to think about those Olympians like that with all the scandal only in this day and age it isn’t okay to think of most women like that unless you’re rich, a fellow victim or a convict. Hair color does not make the woman but since high school, I’ve had a type, and I’m starting to think I chose wrong, don’t judge girls by the color of their roots because in the end as the song goes… we’re all the same color when you turn out the lights.

“We’re all the same color when you turn out the lights” Fredro Starr, True Colors

What about words though Dirty Diana, I’m still working on “Apocalypse Rush” (Working Title) and already we’ve had gangbangs, kidnappings, and blood galore, but which do you think will bother people more, words like “cum dumpster,” interracial sex, or redrum? How about the Man In The Mirror, I’m no cover boy, no pin-up, and sadly the content of my novel doesn’t bother me. Instead, it’s the quality and how about the fact I have so many unpublished stories already. I would show you an excerpt, but character names need some alterations, you know inspiration, Angie Griffin, Alexa Bliss, the age-old question of blonde or brunette or redheads “courtwithconfidence” just saying.

I could name more but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words and truth be told I need around fifteen hundred for my novel today, so this evening hopefully I’ll be facing black and white aplenty and not Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

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Independence Day when even the freedom to be yourself can burn you, or you freeze in fear, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave indeed but I’m not a political type of guy but hey neither is Trump, issues. To Hell With Independence.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to stay here, how about my dog is comfortable, I didn’t get to sleep until three in the morning truthfully, or The First Purge is closer than you think; been there saw that. How about to Hell, have you never seen it, felt it, known it, I was there last night because as I told “Indiana Gone” Hell is repetition, and so you Put One Foot In Front Of The Other and leave.

Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

You see my sin here is that if we honestly wanted freedom and independence, why by my free will is a place like Hell permitted to exist, I’m talking about the shame I felt yesterday, tears cascading down my face did nothing to quench my thirst. How the blood boils and what about a witch’s brew the things that one can conjure in a man, now isn’t that a story idea? People in Hell want ice water and release but none was to be found, while I was busy writing before the new day’s sun there was desire burning desire, Alexa Bliss if I am to be specific, and talk about anger… I missed Smackdown.

Hell can also be isolation, in an attempt to escape my shame, my guilt, and most dire is the fear, when you don’t know anything and at the same time everything, the man in the mirror, on the page, right in front of them and you might as well be one of The Walking Dead. There are the days I feel so cold that I can’t help but stay in bed wrapped up, waiting for that fire of other people’s madness to force me from the house, only so I’ll freeze in terror. It’s when my eyelids feel so heavy from the tears that I don’t shed or that my life all these years is stuck, or maybe like when I was a kid taking swimming lessons, and I never got anywhere, but somehow I was able to keep breathing.

Moving because of fear is not freedom, standing because I believe I have no choice is not free will and living because someone else permits it is not independence, and then I ask myself do I want to be free? Forgive me Inspector Echo that I don’t want the answer to that question either though I have yearned for that one true freedom only if there is a God that’s one thing, there is a Hell, and I burn, I freeze, To Hell With Independence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

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The first post of the next 365 Days, has anybody said NO yet, well probably my mind between work and having something to say that hopefully won’t get me kicked out, banned, or arrested, where is the line? Whose Right To Censor You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

Thirty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to keep my mouth shut, trust me I say some pretty nasty, vile, demented, perverted, depraved… I could continue, but I would eventually end with stupid or skeevy; and a happy new year to you too. Even when I’m sweet, I often end up as creepy, and since people will believe and hear whatever they want, what’s wrong with The Sound Of Silence I ask, instead of the visible title honestly.

I should start by taking responsibility but it’s hard Madam Justice, I don’t mean to get all political at the start of the new year but when the “PRESIDENT” of the United States of America can say such horrible things, and I call a girl beautiful… I came up with a new “Rule 290: Apparently, Models Do Have Standards,” and I know what’s past is past but calling a girl a Brazzers or Reality Kings model is different than let’s say… hell if I know Victoria’s Secret, Maxim, Playboy, I like beautiful women. The thing is again that’s against the law unless you have money, a handsome face, the confidence, or the intelligence which is telling me to say nothing.

Even with my writing, how many people have asked me what I write about and I can’t tell them because, well I would go Fahrenheit 451 on my work, but I would fight to defend others without a second thought. I thought this was America am I right so why must I censor myself, and maybe that’s why my current novel is all about fire, the things you realize or am I In Too Deep. No wonder I hate myself more often than not, like something out of Jumanji wanting to avoid not being my father and when in reality I hold my tongue and avoid speaking my mind because I don’t want to scare anybody including my little boy.

One man told me I was stupid and to shut up, a girl told me I was creepy, another said I was skeevy, another two said I’m great, but they don’t truly understand; shall I let the whole damn world stomp on my face? What about God, I take pride that I don’t need other people’s imaginary friend to tell me not to lie, cheat, steal, and murder but I can’t even talk about it, write about it, or picture it, worth a thousand words.

Anyway the answer is no one has the right, and yet at this moment in time I am breaking this rule; what would I write if I know I would be read, what would I say if I had no fear, I’m my judge, jury, and executioner and I burn; Whose Right To Censor You?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 365 ~The Reason Is You~

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365 days one whole year, over 120,000 words, enough for a novel, two with “NaNoWriMo” and what was it all for, there is no excuse, and the reason other than I was mad at some girl sounds stupid and petty… a new year. The Reason Is You.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Lesson 365 ~The Reason Is You~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason; it’s repeated time after time why you began talking to Lady Luna, talking to all the other ladies, and talking to yourself, just not out loud anymore; right? Crazy, obsession is as much a reason as any brunette or wanting to make a million excuses, how about feeling better, a year of life in these words there is no excuse there are only reasons.

The first cannot be denied, feeling shame and guilt for all that was done and preparing for what you knew was to come and when it did, as they say, those who don’t learn from history; there are reasons you don’t edit your work and a purpose not looking back. It’s sort like that movie “50 First Dates” only most of my days are best forgotten, you see most of these days are only prattle or repeated lessons, but no stupid bitch, no amount of anger, confusion, doubt, fear whatever has stopped you. Dare I say you’re a better man despite the failures or should I sound like one of those motivational speeches, there is no failure, but then again you have six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 113** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
Completed
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation
Completed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcOojJ3IVw4

If there is anything to learn honestly, it’s to take care of your son, he’s a big reason for all of this, Level 13 and he should have the biggest yard in the world, better food, more time, a father, a daddy. Let writing be the reason to live, but there are no excuses as to why you’re not on bookshelves, who does that, having so many books written and nobody to read them, at least they must be given that opportunity if anything. The biggest reason, of course, is you, Only You, and maybe you want someone to see you, or you only want to look at yourself in the mirror, if you were able to accomplish impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least (Total 15, 400)

I genuinely wish I could write something profound and inspirational, give you something more than “Good Night, Good Luck” or anything for the new year, yes it’s July and other than not comparing a woman to a Brazzers or Reality Kings model what else do I have for you? Even if it was anger, hate, fear, or shame, overwhelming sadness you write, because that is your gift or your curse, but you do because what was your life without it, another question you shouldn’t answer because The Reason Is You.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 363 ~I Hate This Part~

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A few hours to kill, not to mention some characters, a blank screen, okay so write, only I wish that it would work that way and even then I wouldn’t be able to edit to save my life I bet. I Hate This Part.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Lesson 363 ~I Hate This Part~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, that’s only one of the parts I hate, the waiting, craving, and even with all that not saying things right or wasting more time for mediocre work which I would never know because of editing… I saw last night that I am ill prepared for another stint of NaNoWriMo and then again I’m going to give it a real “can do”; isn’t that another thing hating a word like try, “interesting,” and stupid, still irked by that.

“Yes, no, maybe
I don’t know
Can you repeat the question?”
― Boss Of Me

What about “miracle” that’s a word that isn’t going to happen for me, no I take that back, if anything people have only been spelling the word wrong, you want a miracle, no Lady Sophia you want to work. Regret is another nasty word because that’s something else I’ve been feeling, I’ve had a whole year, and what do I have to show for it, a blog, two books maybe three if you count the poetry hell perhaps even four if you count every blog post. So which is harder, waiting for PCH and yes I’m ashamed to admit I checked them out today, they aren’t coming here, what about waiting for inspiration which I’ve been thinking about, or I could be looking up how you know you’ve got bit by something, me, the dog?

How many words is that (Stupid, Try, Miracle, Work, Regret, Shame, Waiting) seven deadly sins but there is also the capacity for good as in Work, and that’s what I should be doing, what I need to do versus what I want? I don’t think it’s God that gives us the strength if I need more imaginary friends there are so many characters dying for me to let them come out and play. Maybe that’s one of the most hateful parts Lady Sophia, that you have to live to feel all of this and if you’re living, I think you have a responsibility, god how I hate people sometimes but if you’re going to take up air and space, you need to do something right.

Procrastination is the part I hate the most though, living like this, feeling like this and yes I am blessed, I am grateful, but that doesn’t make the pain go away, even being at the finish line because now what is the question. Writing has always been the answer, but I long for the day my hands find enjoyment in other things but for now one day I love this, another I hate it, and now I Hate This Part.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 362 ~A Sucker For Pain~

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Yeah, that’s not my size but maybe her, her or perhaps you know her, I can only imagine, I keep bleeding love to tick off to music genres, but I’ve just been ticking off myself lately. “A Sucker For Pain”

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Lesson 362 ~A Sucker For Pain~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,

Can You Love Me Again, even if you’re not a masochist indeed I would prefer if you weren’t though I’m a sadist, if you enjoy the pain then I have no reason to inflict it. How I want to hurt you. I know I’m supposed to be explaining a bit all the reasons I’m a dominant and maybe that will be in the coming year, and I wish I could think of something special for us but Dirty Diana I’m not in the mood at all.

For the longest time, I thought maybe I was a masochist, though I don’t get off on the pain only these days everything hurts, and I don’t know why but my entire life it’s as if I’m asking for more. These days other than the usual porn that I torture myself with because I’m into Day 110 of No Fap, I’ve taken up the habit of wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it every time I do something stupid or let my fear get the better of me. Considering all I know about self-harm I’m pretty damn pathetic, but I need the pain to learn. While I said last week, I want a girl to know how I feel I wouldn’t wish my life or anybody but if I can endure and want to stick around in my skin, if she can take it maybe she’ll want to stick around with me… Psychopath’s Prey wasn’t that bad?

One can’t learn to inflict pain unless one has known it, so I should take pain not as gratification but as a lesson of course, what doesn’t kill you right, though the drawback is plenty of empathy. Another old saying, this is going to hurt me more and it will emotionally, maybe physically, definitely financially but a dominant looks after a submissive and I like my Subs to wear beautiful things, only so I can tear them off later. Hell, it’s killing me that I haven’t gotten “Detroit: Become Human” or a PS4 for that matter, and still, I saw this bikini on “Enchanted Bikinis,” and it would be more than a hundred dollars and no Sub at the moment but “I Always Find A Way.” Where there’s a Will, and I’m still him always.

“My mother named me Victor because she knew I’d always win. I’ll be fine.” Victor Strand, Fear The Walking Dead

Haven’t I said before or thought it up that we’re closest to life when we’re near death or in pain, let’s go with “hurt” and maybe that’s what I need, sexual gratification might knock some out but denial keeps you awake, A Sucker For Pain.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 361 ~Dare To Be Stupid~

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Rob Thomas sang once, “I Feel Stupid” and when I feel that “I feel angry” and if I had a “Creed” to live by it’s the fact that “I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day.” It would be water “Under The Bridge” thank you YouTube. Dare To Be Stupid.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Lesson 361 ~Dare To Be Stupid~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again if I choose not to, if anything I’ll be worse, they’ll think what they wish and believe whatever they want to believe, and again I walked away and why is that? In these final days, hell it’s not like I’ll stop writing, but this has nearly been one year and do you remember why I started because one bitch called me “skeevy” and Here I Go Again because some girl called me stupid… okay implied it, whatever.

Now notice I’m no one to be calling anyone names considering my habits in the bedroom, I’ll name a girl everything under the sun but as I’ve said, my mother raised a gentleman somewhat, I always pay for outings, (unless she owes me money), I cook, I clean. See I want to say I sound like a bitch, but that’s wrong too; if I call someone that nine times out of ten they’re “barking” without knowing a damn thing and how can I defend myself against being called skeevy, a pervert, a stalker, #metoo movement dammit. Didn’t I hear somewhere that profanity is a good sign of intelligence, hell or a sign of stupidity and that’s my sin, you know it wasn’t always lusting once before it was stupidity, every word out of my mouth, every word written, indeed who I am but how do I fight against it forever?

It doesn’t matter again right, so I hurt her, I believe I hurt others, honestly, Inspector Echo when it’s a crime to be you what do you do. In this day and age, it’s a crime to be black, but that hasn’t bothered me, in my life as Dr. King put it, it’s the content of my character. Yes, another reason to be a writer because I create characters, but I don’t know who I am because when I was a child that was stolen from me by my father and I became STUPID and why do you think I always ask questions because the answer from every single person is the same. Isn’t that an epiphany and what set me off, perhaps I should thank “Cherry” or at least talk to her again, my mother always said I take out my pain on others guilty or not, we cannot learn without pain, another rule.

People talk about burying the hatchet, and that doesn’t bother me as long as I get to shovel everything else of them as well, ditch diggers aren’t stupid people Inspector Echo, even that takes math. I’m sorry that a year has nearly passed and a bitch is still a bitch, can I be forgiven on how I went off on “Dear Future Wife,” I’m sorry for just finding my button, I’m sorry for my rage but to let it all go requires something I refuse now, Dare To Be Stupid.

I Will Have No Fear