If I wanted freedom, I’d have followed my son. I wish there had been a button… Something like Sonia Levitin’s “The Cure.” To be recycled with my twin, brother, best friend, and kid. When he was free, I asked what have I become? “Virgil, We’ll B Free”
Thursday, June 29, 2023
Saga 363 ~Virgil, We’ll B Free~
879 Days Without B III, Day 320 of Virgil’s Arrival
Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know me. “It’s “Times Like These,” I want to wrap around you and sleep.
Fucking Hell! Pardon my language, Little B. It’s… well, I won’t say funny or fine. Nowhere near. So yeah FUCK is the correct word. It’s fucked up that I held you that Wednesday afternoon and fell asleep. Then on Sunday, January 31, 2021, I held you as you died. People would say you were euthanized. Put to sleep. I, with veterinarians, set you free. Talk about something I’m never going to let go. The moment I freed myself from the bed is the moment I… Again Baby B, I don’t know what to say. You’re not a burden, ever. Braxton, it’s like the holy rollers say, you know. Pick up your cross and follow Jesus. “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You’re way better.
Only that doesn’t stop me now. Does it? You know what I mean. When you were locked in your room because you did wrong. Or when I was in the shower in the morning. Getting it all out of my system is better because that’s the only alone time I would get. Right? After the Day Job, I’d be way too tired. And you’d get pissed if I showered at night B III. Hell! I was going to the movies, and sometimes I would even bring your Aunt. Speaking of which, you should go check on her and bring her lost fur babies. If you’ve met…, she’s having a hard time. It’s freedom she doesn’t want to have. Free of love… That can’t be, B.
This brings me back to you. I can be free of my grief and still love you… It’s like I’m Brooks Hatlen. I’m free, but I don’t know how to start over. Will was here, then what? Fucking porn addict! Like I wasn’t before? But with Virgil afraid to leave your room. And didn’t I mention how long I stay in bed? Even now, time travel. Monday, June 26, 2023. Little B, the fucking Day Job, man! That’s something I’ll never be free of; I’m afraid to say B. Institutionalized. A strange way to say employed. Euthanized? Spell “Freed” Braxton. Wasn’t writing going to do that? How about finding Virgil? Big ole’ titties? I’m hopeless! My freedom was keeping you. Now? Virgil, We’ll B Free
Always and Forever,
Your Dad