Tag: Fear

Gospel 026 ~Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance~

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Do you matter, if I asked the Day Job, I’m nowhere near ESSENTIAL, I know plenty of women who think I’m the worst thing for asking, “how are you?” I look at myself in the mirror, I should go back to bed. “Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance.”

Monday, July 27, 2020

Gospel 026 ~Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance~

Hundred And Forty-Seven Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how many others can I name besides Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos? It feels good to get down to brass tacks once again because I finished my book this morning. I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it… a book that no one will ever discover. Hell, I even set it up for a trilogy. Possibly with that UK blonde, I was talking about last night and Reagan Kathryn. I’m one in a million men that want to well… I think I have written enough sex talk for a while, or have I? I’m kidding, hmm?

Only this afternoon, while I was contemplating going to the store, I saw a picture of Momokun. It was one of her lewdest, and I wanted to say something about her lips. Now, this brings me to my point today. If I had said something like that, she would have blocked me, deleted me, something. How many messages, though, do you think she gets like that? You know one of my favorite tunes is The Man by Aloe Blacc. I’m not anyone exceptional, Madam Justice, and I know this goes against all my motivations, but I’m nobody. You know I’m always saying I want to be a better man, but most people see me is either the ant or the monster. I’m either not worth looking at. A sign of things to come, or I’m the worst thing to happen.

So I get used to being nothing, I accept it. Then it’s like I tell a girl she’s pretty and wham, bam, damn. Don’t get me wrong I know I’ve gone overboard with many a girl, I take responsibility. Look at something like OnlyFans, though. I’m again a number in the heard if I ignore a girl, so what. If I give them attention, I’m usually paying for it. You peek at any of my social accounts, and I am a pervert extraordinaire. Then again, who is paying attention to me? I go back and forth even here, Madam Justice. I can’t tell you everything because the moment that I do as the song goes, sigh, I’m a Bad Man.

Where’s the middle ground ever? How can I be someone who exists without being someone everybody will hate or fear? It’s easier to be nobody. So why am I writing?

Such are delusions of grandeur… Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 025 ~Wilting Willy Or Recovery~

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I’m hoping this week, I won’t be waiting till the midnight hour. I have one more chapter to go, and then that will be 50,000 words, and that’s another Camp NaNoWriMo in the books. Still, it’s like I’m missing something. Wilting Willy Or Recovery

Sunday, July 26, 2020

Gospel 025 ~Wilting Willy Or Recovery~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and when you are, make for damn sure you buy a better bed. Also, get girls with beautiful breasts and, for God’s sake, behave yourself. Now while this conversation is brought to you by the letter B, let’s talk about BALANCE. I haven’t had much of that last week, and what the Hell were you thinking about today? You should have been done with the novel by now. Why are you still 2500 words away from the finish? Don’t you know how this week is going to be? If there is anything to be grateful for, it’s your Dæmon. The little boy has been a trooper knowing how tired you were today.

Last night I spoke to Lady Lu about having nightmares, and all I dreamed about was losing another friend. It could mean that the story is coming to an end, of course. At least you were able to decide on the finale. The truth is, you wish you knew more evil English blondes. You know plenty of nasty American blondes; Tomi Lahren, Ivanka Trump, Kayleigh McEnany. Still, the story ends with the sweetest UK blonde, you know because Cherry’s from the UK, so. Now you’re thinking you should blame NO FAP or the fact that you haven’t been eating right. Those sound like excuses to me, but I take responsibility, this is my fault. Camp NaNoWriMo was kicking my ass, so I figured a solid week of work would make it right. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 028 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Catch Up With NaNoWriMo
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover
    Failed

At least I got two, but hear me now, you have to finish the story Monday, no exceptions. You never will otherwise, and why do you think I’m speaking to you so early, 9:30 PM? I’m giving you an out to not stay up all night because there is no food in the house. You have to shower, wash your mask, and get some sleep before the sun is high. No looking at lots of porn either, I swear this better not be the week you break. It’s still there, you know, you don’t have to imagine Cherry’s Yabbos or any other set of Yabbos. I was going to suggest you make not watching porn a thing, but you’re not ready to become the Man of La Mancha. Only you always have Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 028 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Complete My Novel For Camp NaNoWriMo On Monday
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, by Colleen Hoover

Again Monday you finish, then ask Wilting Willy Or Recovery.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 024 ~Nights Of The Willies~

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Good night or more like good morning? Will I actually get to bed before 12 A.M. come Sunday? I have 2800 more words to go with the novel, so it has been one productive ass week. For something, I’ll never publish. “Night Of The Willies”

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Gospel 024 ~Nights Of The Willies~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but to be completely honest, I’ve about finished another story, thank you. As of my last count, I am now 2800 words away from the finish line. Only I still doubt I’ll get a decent night’s sleep tomorrow or today seeing how it’s 2:15 A.M. now.

As Ted Mosby put it “Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.” I believe it was Todd Chrisley that said something about 12 A.M. as well.

“Your curfew is 12, cuz ain’t nothing open after midnight except legs and the ER, and you’re gonna stay out of both of them.” –

On a personal note, Lady Lu, all I want is to get six hours of sleep and not have My Dæmon be confused some mornings.

Hell, I work these late nights to avoid the horrible days at the Day Job. So how is that working out for me, hmm? Do I owe some thanks to NO FAP though I was ready to break again? It would be something if I was having nightmares or something. The only thing I hate on these nights is finally going to bed and seeing the blue creep outside my window. I know I shouldn’t be putting that sort of negativity out into the world. Be careful what you wish for My Lady. At this point, I want more of the Simple Things, thank you, Mr. Huynh. Now, how many white men have I taken advice from in the past few minutes? Again Ted Mosby, Todd Chrisley. Oh, Mr. Huynh’s country singing voice belonged to Randy Travis from Hey Arnold.

Anyway, I would settle for a clean house for starters. I was going to say something else, but I suddenly got a touch of paranoia. Okay, so I’m writing because I hate my job and don’t want to be scared anymore. Nothing that I’ve written tonight is going to help me overcome that. Oh, and if I haven’t said enough about writing, I jumped the gun this afternoon. I tell you all the time I lie to Camp NaNoWriMo and stay up all night, making up for it. So in bed this afternoon, I accidentally marked I was finished with my novel. Don’t worry, I immediately erased the entry, but that didn’t stop them from giving me the badge. At least it will be right by today or tomorrow. Now shouldn’t I be grateful that I had this whole week to do something I love? Yeah, Lady Lu, that’s funny.

When will these long nights’ end? Nights Of The Willies.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 022 ~Will’s Male, Mail, Melanie~

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With all the writing I haven’t exactly been out of my house lately. Still a cute dress from Amazon with no woman to be had, and a pizza lady that didn’t go as expect. When did I get into Latina and Puerto Rican women. “Will’s Male, Mail, and Melanie”

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Gospel 022 ~Will’s Male, Mail, Melanie~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t give me the right to any woman. First off you have to forgive me, I’m not feeling all that sexy tonight, or more like this morning. Another 4600 words in the bank, but when did all of you turn into Lady Sophia?

Now to ask the question, no one asked why do I have my little writing brothel here? On the one hand, allow me to be the typical guy and say I like T & A. On the other side I hate the saying, “boys will be boys” stick. For once, I’m going to get political. While I wasn’t writing, I was watching all this stuff about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC). I like her more than most politicians, and yes, truth be told I want to fuck her. The thing is much like MILF Dos. Yes, I heard you, Dirty Diana, your best Stormy Daniels impression, “Here we go.” Anyway, I’ve called women plenty of things. Still, there’s a difference between a scene and being a punk-ass Republican bastard. For the record, if you knew how many times I’ve put “fucking” and or “bitch” in my novel

In other news, I got the Tifa Lockhart dress in the mail a few days ago. I’ve been so out of it. You know with writing that I haven’t taken it out of the plastic. Not like I have any models to put it on, you know. Hell, I saw Elizabeth Rage the other day in something else from Adam & Eve but no more spending money. I’m approaching a month of NO FAP, and I’m going out of my mind. What took me so long tonight is I was stealing a sex scene between Left 4 Dead and The Last Of Us… don’t ask.

When you’re in NO FAP, this long, everything turns into a pornographic passion. I swear years ago I would have sworn I was in love with Melanie Iglesias. Nowadays it’s like everywhere I turn, even if it’s not porn, we got Rule 34. It doesn’t go with everything but most girls I see. No disrespect to the pizza lady, though. I didn’t want to make a porn with her, and all I’m worried about is the Coronavirus (COVID-19). Oh, and seeing daylight before bed again.

As far as sex though, sigh, Will’s Male, Mail, Melanie.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 021 ~Will Knows His Writes~

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I don’t think I offended anybody tonight or more like this morning. That is unless Cherry or a few other ladies suddenly take an interest in Camp NaNoWriMo. Still, I clocked my 5000 words, counting this. Will Knows His Writes

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Gospel 021 ~Will Knows His Writes~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I am also becoming a night owl. How mad was I last night that I had zoned out? No real sleep, and by the time I realized I had been in some sort of fog, it was daylight already. My Dæmon was so confused, and what’s keeping me up, hmm?

For two nights straight, I have been working on “For A Fine, Cherry Spread.” 5000 words a day Inspector Echo, that’s what I promised myself, especially with the Day Job. Next week is going to be Hell, but let’s focus on this one. How about only tonight or this morning to be sure. Eric Thomas says something to the tune of AHEM, we don’t sleep when tired, we sleep when done. By the time we have our chat, I expect to see daylight again. I do all of this for a story that I’ll never publish, that pisses me off and punishes me. I told you it cost me my friendship with Cherry. Last night while procrastinating, I noticed I lost another friend. At least I haven’t been thinking much about MILF Dos lately. I’m into my fourth week of NO FAP (24 days, 7 hr, 1 min. 32 sec).

I would say this is a benefit, but again what’s it all for? So that I can lie to Camp NaNoWriMo? I lied about those days I clocked in 100 words because I wanted my badges. Tonight I told them I wrote 4600 words. Yes, I did Inspector Echo, but I only had 4000 before midnight, so I added 600, which explains why I’m late talking to you. I have to catch up. On Thursday, which it is now, I should have 37,099 words. As it stands, I have 33,400. Nobody would know or care if I gave up or cheated through creation. Only like Inky Johnson, I can’t cheat. I just admitted to doing that? 100 words, no writing. Writing 600 more past midnight?

I walked out on the Day Job this week, so I won’t be working for or writing a paycheck next week. Inspector Echo, that’s not my story. Sometime this afternoon, I got jealous of Eric Vall. He’s on “Succubus Lord 16” on top of everything else he’s written, but I know my lane, don’t I?

I’m sorry, but I’m writing regardless. Will Knows His Writes.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 020 ~Will Is Sky High~

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I’m not going to make a good husband overnight, hell I’m not even much of a good man, more like a frat boy, or a kid that’s had the house to himself for a few years. So how am I ever going to get some angel? Will Is Sky High.

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Gospel 020 ~Will Is Sky High~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can promise you it won’t be for dancing. Let me go ahead and tell you, I’ll never stop using song lyrics daily. Who knows, you might get me on the dancefloor someday. For now, though, as the song goes, So if I hold you in my arms, I won’t dance. What can I say, baby girl? I still quite enjoy our Saturday morning listening sessions in bed. Only the thing I want to talk about is getting up and about and during the plague era, well easier than done?

For example, as I began, I am a billionaire, and so are you. I’ve said this before, but I’ll stop buying the cheapest sneakers that get soaked in the grass every morning. You know when I’m walking the kid. The fanciest shoes I own, I bought for my best HUMAN friend’s wedding. I’ll also remember what pants size I wear. Not trying to sound like a little boy, but I go to work, the store, and hopefully the movies. When I win an AEE award, I’ll still be wearing a pair of jeans. Now how did I dress on our wedding day? Okay, before I go all pop culture geek. I’m still going to get lost in books, both writing, and reading. I have plenty of games on my phone, and I do get distracted. Well, I did do five thousand words today for Camp NaNoWriMo, so that is something.

Speaking of which, I’ll start buying more shirts that aren’t branded with NaNoWriMo. Yes, I’m pretty proud of being a part of that. I buy you plenty of stuff, but you’re so beautiful I can’t help myself, and it could be worse… shoes (shudders). I want to have control of my health for you and the kids. I swear I’ve been meaning to see a dentist. Did I mention how much I like masks? Not funny, yeah, because I want to see some zombies. Lastly, I want to be able to tell you things, to speak out loud. People find my writing confusing, but my silence every day, for some reason, is scary. You’re not scared, are you, My Love? I’m not comparing you to a summer’s day exactly, but as I say, I love my little boy like pancakes. I love you like Star Wars. Will Is Sky High.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 019 ~Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind~

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I wish people would make up their minds. Either I never talk, I talk too much, and what was I crying about a couple weeks ago, another block, getting deleted, etc. Not to mention, my words are all over the place. “Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind.”

Monday, July 20, 2020

Gospel 019 ~Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind~

Hundred And Forty-Six Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I wonder does anyone with so much money live by this rule. For the record, this comes from a grander law. I read once about the things that come out of your mouth. As you can see or hear, most days, I prescribe to the language of the Men In Black.

“Silence your native tongue” MIB

“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” – A Few Good Men

Let’s start with the truth. Every conversation we have here is about the non-fiction. Of course, there are things I don’t say and stuff I cannot show. Hell Madam Justice, this is a confession more for Inspector Echo, but let me tell you. I’ve been in juvenile detention once upon a time. Never been to jail as an adult, but I’m like Tom DuBois. I mean, I have no intention of ever seeing a “real” prison because of what I’ve been taught goes on there. People can’t handle my truth, and at times I can’t either. I will instead be silent than utter a lie. Now I do lie but again like Tom, only to save my ass at times. Madam Justice, I spend far too much time adhering to what others think of me; to fight it all though?

“I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.” Scarface

It’s not necessary. I say way too much in the form of making conversation. Remember, when I told everyone that my Grandfather caught the Coronavirus (COVID-19). Did I talk about my little sister being in quarantine too? It was accurate, and people do need to know, judging by the state of the country. Now, what about anything to do with Yabbos or my penis. Both necessary in my life but not in anybody else’s, so what’s left for me? I can talk about my Dæmon. Yep, when everyone’s having babies.

Kindness though? I don’t think I ever wrote this rule down, but it goes like so. Do You: Harm No One. Of course, I see exceptions to that rule as with most. I don’t like to hurt anyone outside of BDSM play or even vanilla. Now that’s too much information, I know Madam Justice. It’s like looking up Cindy Aurum, and next thing you know, she’s in my erotica or porn, I guess. What if I did live by today’s rule? I surely would be a monk, but would I have peace. Well, along with honesty, necessity, and kindness, yes, peace but speaking it? I don’t know how Madam Justice. Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 018 ~Your Second Chances Will~

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As the song goes *ahem,* I’m gonna wait ‘till the midnight hour. If anything, I wish I had a chance to do today all over again, which would mean waking up at 4 AM instead of just seeing my bed then. I got stories to write. “Your Second Chances Will.”

Sunday, July 19, 2020

Gospel 018 ~Your Second Chances Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do I hold out much hope for you? At the Day Job, when I can remember too, of course, I live in “Day-tight Compartments.” That’s a lesson from Dale Carnegie. It means you deal with what’s right in front of you today. You’re not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, only handling today. I can see now that you don’t agree. Looking at yourself right this second, where are you? Sitting in bed, pausing YouTube with Fear The Walking Dead. Your Dæmon is being a trooper, though.

Now I covered this yesterday, I know. I went shopping for peanuts, and I mean that literally. Publix sells the Atlanta Braves Peanuts. Then there was the panic at the broken ATM. A minuscule amount of shopping at Walmart. Oh yeah, being called Ma’am picking up BBQ. As for the future, it’s like I say, “just another day.” You would rather not speak about it, and yet you have no choice, because what happens if you don’t? Like last night all the lights were blazing, and you’re falling asleep at 4 AM instead of waking up. Today there is even more stress having to talk to you, and you wonder why everyone leaves. Of course, while you can barely get it up to live, you drooled over Tifa Lockhart again. There was Abigail Breslin’s impressive Yabbos. Let’s never forget these long-overdue sadly Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 014 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 020 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Catch Up With NaNoWriMo
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover
    Failed

Once again, as the song goes, Back At One. The thing is you want a second chance, so do I.

Strange that I mentioned Peanuts the food, but what about the gang that sang, I Know Now. If you’re getting lost, that’s from Charlie Brown, “and have my life to live over knowing what I know now.” Second can also mean plenty of things. For example, that second is the first loser. Is that from one of my motivations? There was Mark Wahlberg, aka Elliot Moore asking for a second. Then there’s all of us who need a second, a minute, an hour, days, weeks. All you want is a chance and every week you get another one. You don’t even need to wait seven days. You can change whenever you want and stop living as a second, third-class, a Tallie. Live Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Catch Up With NaNoWriMo
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover

Will you, though, your chances seem as plentiful as your excuses. Your Second Chances Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 017 ~Ma’am This Sucks Will~

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Another Late Night/Early Morning, and this should be pillow talk or rather be conked out at the moment instead. I won’t be dreaming about some girl because I wrote her into my story, but what kind of man am I? Ma’am This Sucks Will, I think

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Gospel 017 ~Ma’am This Sucks Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I had to succeed at NO FAP. Now I am sorry, Lady Lu, that everything relates to my “monster” nowadays. Didn’t somebody say once that life is worth more than a penis? I’m not counting that as a bad word. Lady Lu, whatever I’m doing with my life, I want to be more of a man than I am today. How I panicked today because somebody broke the ATM, and I couldn’t get my card back. When the people at the BBQ place called me Ma’am again. Hell, I’m still buying clothes for some future submissive I’ll have soon…

The whole damn country is falling apart, and all I can worry about is me. Yesterday, I was telling Sophia about all the lists I’m writing about my problems. I’m also itchy, I have heartburn, and as always I’m tired as all Hell thank you. I don’t even want to dare to glance at my Six Impossible Things because what have I got done? I’m keeping it in my pants, and my story is taking off. 2400 words a day, and of course, I’m not catching up because I should be doing 5000 words, but what did I do today? As I said, I freaked out at the bank, but I did get my card back. I continue to feel like I’m getting in everybody’s way wherever I am. Tonight will be one more, where I don’t get enough sleep, so what about tomorrow. I pay for wrestling, but how much can I tell you?

Things to be grateful for, so I get off this pity train. As with my gratitude, I have enough to eat for a few days. I haven’t looked at much porn today, but as soon as I say that, SIGH. You and I Lady Luna will finish this conversation, but I wish I had more to tell you. Another character is in my book, Charity Zoey Mars. She’s another English girl, so Cherry won’t be lonely. With that, I should probably say something about my country? I’m a black man living in America. Who is going to hear my voice, I ask. Do I want them to at all considering the things I have to say? Now that takes me back to my point, I’m not a man when I speak… Ma’am This Sucks Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 016 ~Lists, Giving Me Willies~

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The plot of my fictional story is coming along all on its own. As far as my real life, though, grocery lists, lists of excuses, the Six Impossible Things that I’m never doing. It’s not Fear but rather Laziness. Lists, Giving Me Willies

Friday, July 17, 2020

Gospel 016 ~Lists, Giving Me Willies~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have many sources of income. Yet again, I become a broken record because of all the ways I wish to accomplish this. I want to write books, own brothels and have bikini babes. Yes, I’ve been listening to Tony Montana, you know the money, the power, the woman. Right now, though, I would kill for a pizza, which brings me to tonight. I couldn’t get it up to find three toppings I liked to have on it now.

How about the lists of names for characters in my book? It was a miracle I even worked on it at all. Still, I got around to adding Lilith Cassandra Swann, played by Tifa Lockhart. There’s also Aurora Leanna Till, who’s supposed to be Aerith Gainsborough. Do those names sound SEXY? What about all the women I’ve wanted to cave to? I swear I haven’t thought about MILF Dos in a while. Of course, what I mean by that is I haven’t been drooling over her pictures, which I deleted off my phone. I still have Cherry’s, but I’m not salivating over her either. I did download some Final Fantasy VII Porn and some more Momokun. Now, this is a blessing in disguise. See, the ISP is sucking at their jobs, so the internet connection has been crappy. No Wi-Fi, no “adult entertainment” except what I got already. No worries?

On the other hand, what about that big stack of emails and aren’t I going to be busy tomorrow. No, I don’t need to write my book, let me note every problem I’m having in this life at the moment. Lady Sophia, doesn’t that make perfect sense. Isn’t it working on my Six Impossible Things every Sunday? There’s so much I need to buy for the house, but I didn’t start today. I did meet the lawn guy again. One way or another, some white guy is getting my money, but I could have told him no, right? Speaking of even more money, I’m losing track of all the Submissive clothing I bought. I broke down and bought Tifa’s dress and not a girl to be seen in my house. I’m not writing love stories, though, as my current novel has made quite obvious all on its own for today.

One day I’ll write DONE on Lists, Giving Me Willies.

I Will Have No Fear