Tag: Hell

Chronicle 287 ~Reasons To B Angry~

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Day 01 stays fresh on my mind. How can I say that with Day 428? Worse is Day 438. Day 437 wasn’t good, thanks to Kindle. I read 37% yesterday; how can you say I didn’t read a book. A book about grieving my best friend. “Reasons To B Angry.”

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Chronicle 287 ~Reasons To B Angry~

438 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? On the one paw, “I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.” Stopped.

You’d be all sorts of pissed; I take it for thinking you have, you would, you are capable of. Then again, you know I have never loved myself. With how selfish I was with you… I’m still thinking about day 428 when you didn’t come to mind. When “BLM” Braxton’s Life Matters became little more than words on a page. Sign off without reason or thought. Then again, if I hadn’t failed you 438 days ago. Hell, you might find something else to be angry about. I’d take that over you being dead. That’s what gets to you, isn’t it? Yet here I am hoping that you’re happy wherever you are… Are you at the foot of the bed still, on guard duty, my friend?

I’ve noticed that I’ve begun pulling up the covers on myself even more like I’m getting colder now. I’ve been sick since January, your first anniversary, the Zoe Colletti experience. Speaking of sickness, you were peeved whenever I closed the door to the bathroom to take a shower… How about your getting in trouble or hiding under the bed? Your hearing is better than your seeing, right? You got me feeling like Ralphie, swearing. You know, A Christmas Story when he was fighting? I wasn’t fighting B III; yeah, gross. Your aunt and I would laugh whenever you played with your toys, so don’t conversate. Are you upset when I laugh at you? To think all those times at the groomers or the vet’s office.

It all ended in crying. Oh, where you are, there are no tears, nor any need for wrath, for ruin. I’m not much of a “Lord of the Rings” fan, but I did finish Succubus Lord 13 yesterday. There was the battle against the king of the eighth circle and… Fuck B; I was about to say I read you that part. You died while I was reading Succubus Lord 7. (Sigh). My point is. Or was, to this day, I still expect you’ll come running barking “To The King!” You were pretty angry, like father, like son. If there is a God, I bet you’d make him, her, or it; pull back a hand. Probably HER with huge Melons. Jealous… Reasons To B Angry.

Gospel 287 ~B The Clock Challenge~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 284 ~Got To Burn To Shine~

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I almost forgot my lapse in all things B 428 days ago. He still sits and stays in his box (sigh), but I won’t go burning his things. Speaking of which, I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Oh, I burn in a non-COVID sort of way. Got To Burn To Shine.

Monday, April 11, 2022

Chronicle 284 ~Got To Burn To Shine~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so all that money is burning a hole in my pocket. But a billionaire living in America…

Now I don’t mean to get all political at around 4:00 AM this morning. Environmental? Now, last time I checked, that water is still leaking into the dirt. My “father” is coming to “fix it.” Oh, we will get all into my embarrassment in a bit. Let’s stick with the physical, hmm. If we had to go over everything wrong with my body right now, the horror. Ear, other things? The glow of all the screens that I have been watching. You say I should get outside. But yeah, you saw that got me all sorts of problems and memories. Have you seen B’s yard? Braxton’s Aunt had it right in saying, “Jumanji!” I can only imagine if I brought a new friend home… BUGS!

Okay, so that’s two movie references, and again to be embarrassed? I’m tempted to say I would rather face the Day Job’s “Humiliations Galore” than my “father” this morning, J. I did something with my Stuff and Thang yesterday for OnlyFans. Oh, don’t worry, I’m still a monk “pretty much,” but should I be ashamed? Should rage, wrath, and ruin prevail? I’ve been angry a lot, but at myself for a few days for the most part. So we got Jumanji, Starship Troopers, and The Princess Bride, so add in Red Dawn. “It keeps me warm.” Seeing my shame, “sexiness,” and seeing red are the only ways people see me. Madam, I don’t want to shine like that. To be the joy of their laughter.

Only everything else I know is a first-class ticket straight to Hell. I let Braxton burn because I couldn’t protect him. And now, every day, I rise and shine, and for what? Reliving it. Again, there is much more of myself to destroy every day than to create. I burn through time like there is no tomorrow. Since I’m doing that, why not burn money and manuscripts? But if I could only burn this mattress. B was my light in the darkness, and without him… No wonder my sins burn even brighter but do they light my way? How about all the books on grieving, yet I cannot walk into the light. It’s not my place yet, but I feel… Got To Burn To Shine

Gospel 284 ~B Eager As Ever~

435 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 280 ~From B’s To F’s~

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This is day 431, but on day 428, I didn’t mention my son. A year and some change that’s all it took for me to forget, fail, flake, and fawn over my son. I caught myself, but how could I. Always and forever, right? From B’s To F’s.

Thursday, April 7, 2022

Chronicle 280 ~From B’s To F’s~

431 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? For you’re with your mother? I owe you an apology for not finding a girl.

Hell, if you had your way, you would have chosen your aunt Carolina Bound. There’s a reason she’s your aunt B. But the point is you were always looking out for me. You would have been pissed this morning, though. Daddy needed his private time. But, um, I did something terrible. If you’re watching me, and I hope not all the time. The book I’m reading says that furry kids keep their parents privacy. Anyway, it isn’t what I did. As much as the things I said. Braxton, today is Monday, April 4, 2022, so yes, I’m time traveling. This week sucks. Inevitable, I suppose. But not only hating the Day Job. It took me 428 days B III to forget you… what the fuck!

I won’t make a Pearl Harbor joke, infamy and all. Plus, I ain’t fucking Fox News. 428 days B III for me to write and not mention your name once. Well, I did. It was concerning your aunt if I’m being honest. I didn’t know that I would be telling you about this today, Braxton, dammit. Why can’t I stay, why can’t we go home, why am I like this? It’s about time I cried today, B. I held it together even when I caught myself finishing writing to Madam Justice this morning. It was the same back 428 days ago. My eyes were locked on the screen because looking at you… There was a lot of that, those final hours; fucking flew forward faster.

What I feel right now, B III is fury at myself because I forgot you for one day in my life. Forgetfulness in exchange for all and nothing. But there’s a reason I’m not fucking myself. Females don’t know. Um, your aunt, but she’s suffering too with her losses Dobby, Odin? Found them you have? Sorry Braxton, you know I like Yoda, the Star Wars fandom. Feasting? I’m sure you’re stuffing your face. I’m hoping my stomach pain is only food. Failures are easy to ignore when they become routine. But not saving you… Then today? Fucking everything! That’s the big one. I’m too busy saying I don’t deserve anything I want. Everything! And I forgot. I forgot you despite everything. To feel I don’t know? From B’s To F’s

Gospel 280 ~Ain’t This A B~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 277 ~Prevent Your Stupidity, Kiss Her~

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I say some pretty effed-up things. But the worst part of this is what I didn’t say. It took 428 days, not to mention my son. I was too busy thinking about kissing some girl to see my failure, grief, and stupidity? Prevent Your Stupidity, Kiss Her, um

Monday, April 4, 2022

Chronicle 277 ~Prevent Your Stupidity, Kiss Her~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, or if I were, I’m sure I’d be in a better mood. Good morning is a lie.

Let me be clear, I haven’t found my “human” soulmate yet. I don’t have a girl or even a Miss Right Now. Is it stupid to say all this now? Confessions for the Inspector, Lunalesca? Right now, talking to you. But I think about two other girls. Uh, I’m in no mood; um, ok, yup. But how can I say that? Considering it’s now 6:00 AM. And yes, I was up at 4:00. In more ways than one, of course. And what have I been doing besides falling back to sleep? Well, you know because I’m going to tell. Like Lester in American Beauty:

“I was whacking off! That’s right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying “hi” to my monster!”

I told Cherry once I was doing that when I thought about her. What would M Anime think? Braxton’s aunt would dig it, I know.

First off, I didn’t finish as much as I would’ve liked to. Second, it’s been 35 days since I’ve cum. And because comedy comes in 3’s, Lester was played by Kevin Spacey; uh, that guy… Better focusing on him as Lester or Jane played by Thora Birch and voluptuous yabbos. While I’m talking about actors and actresses, how about Will Smith? I’ve been listening to a lady at the Day Job talk all sorts of mess about him. How do I feel about him? I’ve got three words “Big Willie Style.” That album was released in 1997. Got me through school. It’s my opinion that people are much too hard on Will. But I’m not trying to argue with some broad or sleep with her.

That’s why this rule doesn’t work. Not with this chick, but I mean in general. It only applies when you already have the woman. And sticking with acting, here’s Scarface:

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

Money fixes a whole lot, if not everything. But how much money do I spend trying to get some woman to take off her clothes? Kisses are free, aren’t they? It’s from a song I heard like tequila makes her clothes fall off. But I don’t drink either. And telling a woman all these things, Madam. The truth about myself… Prevent Your Stupidity, Kiss Her.

In all this talk about women, I just noticed something. Besides mentioning Braxton’s aunt, I wasn’t thinking of Braxton in this conversation. It has been 428 days. What the fuck!

Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

428 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 273 ~Been There, B’s That~

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Could I publish a book in a month? Hell, I had three chances to in 2020. I wouldn’t have been filled with so much hate for my Day Job if I had. I would have noticed my son sooner. I’ll read a new book but do I need to write one. “Been There B’s That”

Thursday, March 31, 2022

Chronicle 273 ~Been There, B’s That~

424 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As always, B, we’re speaking early. So today’s been the worst day of my life.

I haven’t decided yet, with today being Friday, March 25, 2022. Yeah, what did time matter to you? Sun comes up; later on, I’d have a book. If you had a ton of food, the day must be special. Then again, when your time was almost up, I know the look you gave me B. It’s my third time crying today, first this morning, then napping, and now waterworks B. And maybe I wouldn’t have to if my “plan” pans out. Hell, it’s not even my idea. If I’m being honest. I’m guessing by the time you read, hear, I’m not sure? Most of the books I’ve read said that you’re super smart now, wherever you are. Anyway, I’ve been reading “Will Your Dog Reincarnate?”

It was written by a “Ph.D.” And you know I could use a doctor, right about now. Am I sick? You saw me through COVID-19. It’s not over yet, though. Plus, fuck the GOP/GQP, B. Please don’t repeat my foul language, B III, ok? But what I mean is the author, Gail Graham, talks about how to bring you back to me. Announce my intention, write it down, believe… Haven’t I done all that? Not one day has passed; your water bowl hasn’t been filled. I think of you every day. Every Thursday, and yes again time-travel. I will talk to you about everything. Every Saturday, facing those “Rebeccas,” I look for you at PetSmart. Were you “Chase” or the little doggie that bit me? The chubby one, the ghost?

And with Camp NaNoWriMo about to startup? I survived two without you here, and then there was the Official NaNoWriMo. I doubt you would want to sit through any of that again. That’s why I’m trying to decide what to do today or on the 31st. A book. Comedy comes in threes, THEY say. I could write a whole new book. My strength? Braxton, I doubt I could do it. And oh yeah, B, I paid those people for the book Gulp (sigh). Then there’s your book, My Turn To B III. What is it with me and closure? As I said, Gail Graham wrote her book, but I assume her dog reincarnated. But to return to me, Braxton, would you? Been There, B’s That.

Gospel 273 ~For Once B Write~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 270 ~Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently~

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If I only had a brain, the heart, courage. All that left with B. All I am is an old man with what? I should break out a fiddle, but B says it’s not my time as old as I am. Not Zibby’s or Jesse’s. “Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently.”

Monday, March 28, 2022

Chronicle 270 ~Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And money, much like my age, is something I don’t want to worry about. Yet I worry.

Sensing that something is wrong. As much as I enjoy talking to you, Madam, why are we speaking today, Thursday, March 24, 2022? I can’t call this time travel. Only FEAR. Dammit, my health concerns continue to plague me. When’s the last time I saw a Ph.D. for other than my eyes? I’ll need some antibiotics. I don’t have the good sense to ask a doctor. That requires money, which brings me to my concern and why we’re talking. (Taking a deep breath) Fucking Day Job!!! Pardon my language, Madam, but I don’t know where the fuck I’m going. There’s no schedule out yet, and I can’t help but think this is all my fault. Do you remember when I got “the call” before, Madam?

Desiring to be at that shithole is… as Todd puts it, “No Bueno.” You’ll have to forgive me, Madam. I’ve been listening to some Succubus Lord and have no desire for the real world now. Braxton stops me. I spoke to him today about the dream I had and wanting to hear from him all this time? Madam, he could have been sending me a message to prepare for war. I’m tired of fighting. But doing something with my life in service of him instead of becoming a monk and torturing myself? The world gets even more fucked up daily. Turning off YouTube social media, my desire is to sleep. Only sometime today, I need to look over the books. Desires are expensive but Necessity.

Necessity would mean more than being some horny fanboy. It’s time to be an adult… Have you seen people older than me all over America? Wizard of Oz, everywhere. Madam, I mean to have a brain, heart, and courage. For example (ahem} Ketanji Brown Jackson. Now the GOP/GQP, they make no sense, desire nothing but power. Pain is their Necessity. Why do you think I always say “Republican Tendencies?” Because I’m A “Bad Man.” Nowhere near as bad as that, but I’m not a good one. What age makes us? Inevitable. Don’t I believe a man can change with time? Well, how much of Braxton was in this? He was my sense, desire, and a Necessity in my life Madam. Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently.

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

421 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 266 ~It’s To Be War~

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My boy’s fighter. B III, be free, beefy… he had a lot of it with anybody. Most days to protect me, and I would fight for him too. When it mattered the most, then where was I? I didn’t have to fight to stay awake when he lay here dying. It’s To Be War

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Chronicle 266 ~It’s To Be War~

417 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how my day has only begun… Please, I’ll be back asleep before 8:00.

Not everyone has such “luxury” Braxton. People are fighting for their lives at this very moment. Are you worried I’m about to go off on one of my political rants? When’s the last time I had one of those? If I did, I’d only be talking to myself now. Insanity? Braxton, I’m going crazy without you. Well, crazier if that were possible. But what’s war? Okay, so I am about to have some rant… But believe me, B, I have tried to avoid it. You saw me through the first year of the “plague.” The second year, you were taken from me, my boy. Now between the GOP/GQP, watching Ketanji Brown Jackson and the war in Ukraine. Hell, no wonder I listen to Sucubuss Lord.

It’s the war in Ukraine; B that fell into my dreams. I doubt I have the strength to write a full-blown post on the vision, but I do want to sum up as I would with us lying here (sigh). It was the first dream that I’ve seen you in a long while. I wonder why that is? Always thinking with my “Stuff & Thangs.” Didn’t we both? Like father like son, right? So a few nights ago, I saw you barking around some guy getting ready to go to the frontlines. I didn’t recognize him, but I knew where he was headed (green t-shirt). I was in a dark bedroom. All I wanted was for you to come to lie with me and sleep.

What does the dream mean? As I asked, what are the chances that I’ll write a synopsis of the whole thing? I’m fighting as is to stay awake right now. Did you see me yesterday? Braxton, I should be ashamed. Of course, there are obvious reasons. 417 days since I took the life of my only ally. 24 days of keeping it in my pants. The biggest battle Braxton. Again people are fighting and dying. A woman is torn apart who’s like your grandma. Braxton, I watched you fight for every single second of your life. What’s war, Braxton? Today it ain’t me trying to stay awake, beating the clock, or something else… What am I fighting for B III? If It’s To Be War.

Gospel 266 ~B III Of Numbers~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 263 ~No, Love Can’t Tell Time~

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When did I fall in love with B? A “man” plopped him in my sister’s arms? When I saw him on the floor trying to know his own legs? I told him to get in the car? When he defended the gate protecting me. Ayeka Anime was quicker. No, Love Can’t Tell Time

Monday, March 21, 2022

Chronicle 263 ~No, Love Can’t Tell Time~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So do I love myself? We’ll get to that. I had many different ideas for this rule.

I doubt I’ll love anything or anyone more than my Braxton in a week. That’s right, Madam, I’m time traveling once again. At the moment, it’s Sunday, March 13, 2022. Another day that Braxton isn’t here to see. 414 to be precise. Can I count the days I love Braxton? Madam, I still am, but of course, I meant to say when he was living. Hell, I’m about ready to sing out “He Lives In You.” My son is alive as I live. And I will endure and survive, ha. You know how I have spoken of “Dangerous Words.” I read in Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soul Mate about thoughts of suicide. The Grim Reaper avoids me. “It’s Not My Time.”

But it’s always time to look up a good song? Hell, who am I kidding? There’s always time for another porn. How do you think I could stay up this morning to conversate with you? Again I go back to what I was talking about to the Man in the Mirror. I can barely keep my eyes off the clock when I go to the Day Job, and time moves so slowly. As much as I know that hate gets a bad rap, it moves as slow as anything. Oh yeah, the war, right? Or hate can’t tell time, too hmm. But I know I can’t stand to look at myself, to be honest. Let’s not talk about indifference. Braxton lived for five more days.

My love for my B was not long enough. My hate of so much seems to be eternal. Day Job! I wouldn’t say I love porn, but I know time flies by. I can look at a pair of Yabbos forever and a day. Trying to talk a friend out of her clothes… How much time have you got? I’m speeding up because the faster I finish speaking, what will I be doing, more porn? Only I’d give it up if I could have my son back. Reading Roxanne Hawn’s book, she talks about trading one memory for another. I create an album and put Braxton’s pillow away finally; stuff like that. But take a good look around. Good Grief! No, Love Can’t Tell Time.

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

414 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 259 ~In Other Words B~

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Triple B would speak plenty if he thought someone was a threat or if he knew I was mad over something he did. But he knew how I was, with books, writing, watching The Walking Dead. He left the words to them and me and now Russ… In Other Words B.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

Chronicle 259 ~In Other Words B~

410 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? One of the benefits of waking up at 4:00 – 5:00 is there isn’t much complaining.

Yeah, that’s about all the gratitude you’ll hear from me today. I’m tired, can’t remember the last time I went to the bathroom, and I’m horny as Hell. We’re the old men here B. I’ll never be okay with how things ended, but at least you’re young again, healthy, happy? Not a day goes by I don’t wonder what you’re doing… wherever you are? I’m trying not to BUG you. Well, except on Thursdays, whenever I time-travel, and you know that your Daddy has a ton of problems. You had a knack for making them go away, my boy (sigh). Now I haven’t seen you in my dreams in a while, and I live in bed most days. And that is the problem. No walks?

Seeing how Sunday was the beginning of Daylight Savings Time. And no dog likes that. Dog, yeah, you were never just that to me. Is that why I can’t find you in most of what I’ve been reading? Then again, Braxton, I’m devouring “It’s Just A Dog” by Russ Ryan. First, let’s talk about bugs, which inspired me yesterday. I saw a ladybug, and there’s a whole chapter in another book I read about its meaning. Love, Protection, Good Luck? Now I don’t want to dismiss you if it was a sign from wherever? I swear, Braxton, on top of my list of hated words, I need one of the most annoying… another, wherever, etc. Braxton, how would you communicate? Without dreams? Bucks, Boobs, Books?

Dolores Abernathy

As you know, money talks Triple B. Or should I say Triple X? I should have spent so much more cash on you but even now… Lada Lyumos, the movie X, there’s Succubus Lord 7. Then again, B III, my reluctance to spend a dime? I still remember the price of around $100 for your annual exam, about $450 for your test. Then on your last day. That bill… Did I mention I’m “living” in bed, and if I’m not going to the bathroom, for damn sure I’m not getting up to get your “proof of death?” So why do I believe you’re speaking to me through “It’s Just A Dog.” Because you know how your Daddy is with his words… In Other Words B.

Gospel 259 ~It’s Messy B Leaving~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 256 ~Illusion Can Cost You Everything~

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Illusion? That’s me telling myself that everything is fine. It’s saying that if it wasn’t, I could fix it. It’s the idea that I would even want to. Or how about whatever I choose to spend my money on? “Illusion Can Cost You Everything”

Monday, March 14, 2022

Chronicle 256 ~Illusion Can Cost You Everything~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. But while I believe this is motivation, aspirations, a life’s goal. It could be “Just An Illusion.”

Or am I spelling delusion wrong? As Chris Rock asked, “whatever happened to crazy,” hmm? We’ll get to my health concerns later because I’m still alive. Braxton, my son, died. Talk about an illusion, am I right? Nobody is more aware of his death than me, Madam, being the one who killed him and all. So why do I continue the way that I do? You must be sick of me speaking on it but as long as it continues. I’ll admit “Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soul Mate” has gotten to me a bit. I’m not asking other people to cater to my illusion at all. But in losing B, I lost myself. It’s not like my life was much anyway.

Take what I’ve been doing all morning in trying to talk to you. I go back and forth porn-wise. Currently, I’m back in the Hentai game; thank you, Melina, from Elden Ring. Anyway, she led me to look up Bible Black animations since 4:00 AM. That and dealing with physical illness, but we’ll get to that soon. To be honest, it’s not as if women have been a problem these days. They’re all dealing with their own stuff, and not much I can do. Being a friendly ear? I swear it’s not Triple B or porn; it’s my health. Endure and survive. If anything, that means keeping it in my pants, at least until we’re done talking. Oh, you’re plenty hot as well, my Madam.

Melina “Elden Ring”

Anyway, onto health or Hell. Doesn’t matter much to me anymore. I’m looking up doctors. Presently it’s my ear that got fucked up some kind of way last night. Don’t ask me how; I’m clueless. I’m glad I’m not at the Day Job. Those people live the illusion they’re liked. Of course, there is the continued sickness that I’ve had since January. I’ll continue blaming those clothes I bought and getting all hot and bothered over Zoe Colletti. Pants on. Glasses on as well because I can’t go back to sleep this second. I need to go back to the eye doctor. These things I don’t want to spend money on. The thought of honoring Braxton. Watching porn. Dying perhaps. Illusion Can Cost You Everything.

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

407 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will