Tag: Lesson

Lesson 088 ~What Validates A Problem~

WillLeave a comment

Bask in the glory, of all our problems as the song goes but what are we crying about because there is someone that always has it worse and we’re being selfish? “What Validates A Problem”, is this yet something else I can’t answer?

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Lesson 088 ~What Validates A Problem~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but an answer to a question, how do you solve a problem, I mean any problem in this big wonderful world of ours and I answer, create a bigger problem.

I was talking to “M Anime” today and I feel really bad because I consider her a friend and she feels really bad for considering herself instead of others. Now why do we do that, we’re not allowed to feel bad because other people feel worse, what sort of world is it when we can’t even own what selfishness, I can’t worry about me because I have to worry about you? Don’t get me wrong, she’s dealing with something serious, her family is in Puerto Rico, but she can’t worry about her job because she has to worry about her family but is her worries no longer valid… problem solved.

How about those of us who are the problem, someone considered me a problem and then there was a hurricane and needless to say someone might have bigger problems which in turn solved my problem as well. If anything President Trump is a master at this, have one problem and then try to play the hero, but what happens when you cut off a hydra’s head? The only question is which head is worse, all of them are the same, all of us are equal so why can’t all our worries, concerns, and troubles, be ours without feeling bad honestly?

Then there are the problems we know we have, addictions, phobias, mental, physical, financial, anything and everything and we simply turn our backs on them, because we don’t want our problems we want someone else’s, we fail and that’s on them. If you asked me right now my three biggest problems I’d say swearing off any sexual activity, always worrying about my job, and seeing that Braxton is always looked after. Maybe that’s sort of what my novel was for, create a big problem for some future date so I don’t have to worry about the present to be sure.

Back in school, I would just write math problems, again and again, never having a solution and then I had bigger problems, my father beating my ass, failure, summer school… So what have I learned today, the more things change, the more they stay the same, a problem is a problem regardless of size, sometimes solutions fall out of the sky *shudders*, every single one of us Lady Luna, we are What Validates A Problem.

“Don’t make the mistake of calling what’s inside me worry. Good men worry. Men like me take care of the problem.” Noah Lennox, Beyond Series

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 087 ~Poor Pasts Poetry Protests~

WillLeave a comment

What do I am the NFL have in common… not a thing but many have chosen silence to make the loudest statement, almost illegal to be black or even an American you, know those not backing the KKK, the Nazis, or the Confederacy. Poor Pasts Poetry Protests

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Lesson 087 ~Poor Pasts Poetry Protests~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but as you can see plenty to say though I don’t know how much I’ll get t, one day I’ll have all the time in the world but as I told “Indiana Gone” my future simply revolves around a lot of money. Am I that poor in everything else or that rich, the more things change the more they stay the same; I still think money will fix everything, more to the point power will.

Past and present Lady Lu, I was reminded of “The Harm of a Cookie” now was that free speech or me being a pervert, personally a little bit of both but what was the harm? Yeah I know I was being pretty bad back then but who have I ever harmed, well besides myself, we’ve had these conversations about freedom, art, rage, somewhere in our eighty-seven conversations together and what does it all mean? If I say I’m trying to find myself that just makes me sound a whole lot worse truth or not and maybe today I’m trying to find something to stand for or kneel as the case maybe nowadays, remind me to tune into “The Daily Show”.

Knights kneel and then rise, swearing to protect a better world and these days the world is crap so how can anyone be asked to rise and serve it, these protests *sigh* did soldiers die so that Trump can destroy all they have sacrificed for. Nazi flags displayed prominently, the Confederacy celebrated, the rich getting richer, the poor being villainized, and it is a song that gets everyone riled up and they don’t understand. I’m not politico mastermind Luna but my poetry was/is my protest against my own silence, some of it anyway and like everything about me, it just wasn’t right, and my point?

Yeah I probably should have thought more about that but in this country, it’s damn nearly illegal to be black and I’m more concerned that it is illegal to be me, what do I always say, impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane? Men rose and fell to defend freedom and now there are those who stand to deny it for some if not all, while others kneel in defiance of this country, perhaps world gone mad.

What have I learned today, other than I finally have a reason to respect the NFL, personally I’m still letting some words get to me and not speaking, thinking, feeling my Poor Pasts Poetry Protests?

Lesson 086 ~You Have The Guts~

WillLeave a comment

In the words of Mystik Spiral “when I hate your guts, we’ll still be freakin’ friends” but how about all the times I spill my guts and the fact that my guts really hurt right now for another reason other than fear maybe… “You Have The Guts”

Monday, September 25, 2017

Lesson 086 ~You Have The Guts~

Hey Lady Lu
No fear, I mean there is no organ for it and yet it always finds a place doesn’t it, at least until we meet the end and then like any other disease we pass it on. I swear when did guts become the bravest part of our anatomy, guts are usually the worst for me, but fear does a bit of everything.

I heard someone say once, “it’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be” of course that can go for all manner of things, hope, hatred, and of course fear. The guts only serve as a good excuse for not proceeding, it would be easy enough to say that if I have a stomachache then I should press on because nine times out of ten it’s only fear working its sway. Why does it choose the guts though, of all the pain I feel I wonder if it the guts that hurt the most, is there a better way to stop me, I wonder?

Allow me not to be selfish and think about the rest of the world, the fear of some, the hatred of others, talk about being weak in the knees but these men, football players kneeling to protest are not weak at all. Those people running their mouths, vomiting up their fears hidden behind such hatred, they have no guts at all, those who fear so many men on their knees. For everyone I wonder what experiences shape us, you know I like to quote After Earth plenty Luna but these fears must start somewhere right.

Is that why fear chooses our guts because there is just so much, and it is so easy to hide that even we won’t admit we’re afraid; then again how about those people who say we have guts, more guts than fear maybe. Spill your guts, hate your guts, listen to your gut, is it any wonder we’re so confused and the only relief is spilling each other’s guts all over the place.

I’m still all Co-Ed Confidential, vote with your crotch but because I’m not doing anything in that department I’m really feeling my guts at the moment but is that fear or stupidity? From what I have learned today, it’s a bit of both but in the end Luna I must accept the truth and say it with me You Have The Guts.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 085 ~Can’t We Be Heroes~

WillLeave a comment

It’s a thin line, a blurred line, is there even a line at all between heroes and villains, especially in this day and age and I could go on and on about this but I rather talk about a recent movie night, selfish maybe? “Can’t We Be Heroes”.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Lesson 085 ~Can’t We Be Heroes~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, but that doesn’t make anyone a hero, especially someone like me though, I’ve had that one day in high school or maybe two. I’ve talked plenty about evolution, I’ve said that a man must stand for something and while this requires a solid foundation that I’m still searching for, roots are never in straight lines.

Already confusing myself, okay so last night “Indiana Gone” and I are having an “Alternative Heroes” movie night “Blankman”, “Kick-Ass”, “Kick-Ass 2” but we didn’t get to “Mystery Men” any way we noticed something. In the tradition of the normal heroes, all these heroes and villains were orphans or lost at least in part, those they cared for. Probably the greatest service I have done my parents since I couldn’t stop my birth is sworn off ever becoming a hero.

Why would anyone want to be a hero honestly at this rate; the only benefits I’ve seen are you’re guaranteed to end up lonely and even with that someone will always want you… at least you’re thought about at all really. One of my rules is ‘Satisfaction, The Death of Desire” and personally I always want to stay hungry, I always want more, and I would always feel alive because do heroes fear death, I know villains always believe that time is short. Heroes can be loved and hated, maybe even feared and the same can be said of villains but there is always more for a villain, a hero loses something and hell it can end them like that.

Speaking of love, from a dominant standpoint I have said you can have trust without love, but you can’t have love without trust and while I have not turned my back on love entirely, a dominant and a submissive can have a relationship without it. I’m also not saying dominants are bad by any means though I know how people look at the lifestyle and at least the goal is to keep a submissive from true harm in the end.

A hero though gets closer to a hero and you’re pretty much signing up for trouble, and more to the point, who and what I am accepts this because I’m no hero. Something I know and I didn’t have to learn but it never hurts to practice but just for one day, maybe, possibly, sometimes, *sigh*, Can’t We Be Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 084 ~Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse~

WillLeave a comment

“And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord”, that’s sort of sad, as sad as “the dreams in which I’m dying, are the best I’ve ever had”, I think the apocalypse may need a better soundtrack “Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse”

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Lesson 084 ~Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear because I wouldn’t want to get my hopes too high again, as the song goes, “it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine”. Isn’t it strange that when it’s just me I’m the most afraid yet with the general population I’m actually quite excited for an ending if anything?

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”” Itzhak Stern, Schindler’s List

It’s like driving in the rain you know, when I drive on any normal day there is anxiety but since I’ve faced death in my old car on more than one occasion it doesn’t bother me but the rain makes everybody else just a little bit slower and I’m a little bit faster. This is how I always imagine the world ending, seeing as how I feel I have never been meant for this world, but with the countless times I have survived attempting to take my own life, getting by without family or friends, I think I’ll be better at the end. Only today is not the end, truthfully I’ve been too lazy to look up the reasoning behind it, another song from “The Leftovers” let the mystery be.

If you did ask me what I want, I mean besides the zombies if I knew indeed that the world is going to end, I think I would want to be someone’s first pick, to be honest. I was talking to “Indiana Gone” last night and she says something like, “we can hang out if you want”, texting sometimes… Anyway, I got the distinct impression I was her second choice of things to do and really who am I to complain. “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” I might have to make that a rule but while I love Braxton like pancakes, I’m still looking for that one person that… believes, wants, needs, loves me, your pick.

“I promise not to steal anything if you promise not to rape me.

Agreed.” – Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)

New Year’s Eve I figure I’m going to do better, during these “Sapphire” days I figure I might accomplish something, one time when I tried to overdose on NyQuil capsules (puked green for a week) I went and got Taco Bell (unrelated) brought a fancy glass and started popping pills while I watched “Private Practice” my perfect night back then.

“What are you doing?

Guys, what would you wish you’d done before you died?

Paint a self-portrait.

Build a house.

And you?

I don’t know. Turn the wheel now, come on!

You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!

Not good enough.” Fight Club

So what have we learned today, that times change how I want to see the last night of my life but I doubt it will be tonight, that me dying sucks but watching the world, I guess as long as it’s not “The Road” is okay, and I hope to see you tomorrow Lu but again Fingers Crossed, Zombie Apocalypse.

“Tonight’s your big night. Are you ready for it?… Are we ready for it?” – Finch, V for Vendetta (2005)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

WillLeave a comment

I really don’t have time to go over my whole playlist again while I was mowing the lawn and being a rapper has never been one of my pursuits and yet this ‘lyric” has been on my mind all day long. Build Stacks Like Empires, stacks of what, words, cash

Friday, September 22, 2017

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but do I have originality, individuality, what is it I’m forgetting because this title has been driving me crazy all day; where have I heard it before? Besides that, I’ve been thinking about what it means to build an empire and the question becomes does it even matter if it is left unseen and unheard of by any man honestly?

Today I have done more to build up my house than to build up my writing unfortunately because I’m still worried about what people will think of me so I spent all day mowing the lawn and sweeping. Writers are supposed to be messy, probably artists in general because why do we bother with this world other than to be seen, we’re busy building our own universes. We find freedom elsewhere as we can only be slaves here though sometimes I don’t mind; I have Braxton sleeping on my lap so honestly, typing could be somewhat easier in any case.

Knowing me I’m finally going to get that title when I’m in bed and won’t even think about writing it down or maybe it really is my own idea and I just don’t like giving myself any credit. Luna, I have way too many secrets to bother seeking credit for anything but then again what are we doing here if that’s the case, do you know any of my secrets? According to The Hunger Games Series, secrets can be more valuable than anything and can lead to the destruction of an empire just as quickly as just lighting a match.

Is that why we try so hard to look normal, I mean compare what the neighbors think of me, to my coworkers, to my family, and just about anyone else. If secrets are the heart, then money is the armor, a lesson learned, again and again, money can make anyone beautiful but it can offer a protection that can never be dismissed by anyone Luna.

That’s what it always amounts to, making more money, we’re about making more money and in order to do that, I must appear as a pawn. What’s wrong with being a pawn like today’s rule “It’s Worthy of Your Soul” or like the song “seek out a kingdom, worthy of your soul” a new way of looking at “Hide & Seek” or something like that.

So what have we learned today… a wall of normalcy allows you the opportunity to seek, make the money, build the empire, and then you say besides that lyric driving me crazy today the truth is Build Stacks Like Empires.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 082 ~Waiting to See It~

WillLeave a comment

What are you waiting for, Ellie Goulding doesn’t have to wait for anything but I am waiting for the worst possible outcome at every single given opportunity. Waiting to See It, Pennywise doesn’t scare me so much as my wasted life.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Lesson 082 ~Waiting to See It~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but wait for it, doesn’t it always return; maybe I will feel better when the days of “Sapphire” have ended but again I’m waiting. I wonder when was the last time I waited for something besides the ending of a mental health crisis to come to a conclusion, and I suppose Amazon leaves something to look forward to a bit.

I’ve been thinking about when doom became the end of it, always waiting for the end to arrive which seems constant, a ticket I couldn’t pay, for sleeping pills to take effect, losing my job, not like those kids in Stephen King’s “It” but yeah everything seems to be life or death. What about disappointment, I guess my nap truly didn’t do anything for me this afternoon, just another sign of the times. Even getting off work, I tell myself that things are going to get better, I’ll be more productive and it’s more a case of, I’ll do better next time every single day.

What happened to those days when I couldn’t sleep, not because I was afraid but because I was excited, these days I either work until I can’t think anymore or I fall asleep in seconds, talk to “Indiana Gone” about my texting, in less than three minutes I can be gone for the night. I do remember a Christmas Eve, here or there where my sister and I couldn’t sleep and we would wake up in the dark going to get our presents and then it grew later and later, now it doesn’t matter, wake up, walk Braxton, another day, Recently I’ve been thinking about this new place Luna, my empire and having to fund it, to be seen and heard but wouldn’t that just bring back all the fear?

It wasn’t so bad now was it, giving up the poem a day in exchange for the rules and if we didn’t have our conversations who would even know or care, I would actually be surprised if one person knew I was missing from our old stomping grounds. The thing is this place should have already been unveiled, grand opening but no, I’m still waiting and I can’t afford that, even if this is the month of Sapphire it’s wasted.

So what have I learned today, maybe there truly is a reason I’m sitting here, just Waiting to See It.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

WillLeave a comment

I wear my heart on my sleeve they say but nobody saw a thing, here I am supposedly trying to speak up and at the same time be invisible but which do you think I chose today? “The Black Suits Comin’” the government, the mourners, the gravediggers heh?

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, no tears, some dirt but at least I’ve stopped burying myself, I sort of had to or else I would be getting no sleep tonight, I had things to deal with. I always feel like I’m repeating myself but “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” and on that note have I ever told you I’m not a prophet and then there are nights like last.

“I am not a prophet, but sometimes I have prophetic dreams, like the one where I was at a garden party.” Huey Freeman, The Boondocks

Didn’t I say something about paranoia or maybe I have something like a “God Complex” and I’m not even sure what that is in the traditional sense but all writers think themselves God at one moment or another. It’s more a “Messiah Complex” with Braxton around, haven’t I talked about being the villain, more often than not but when it comes to a couple of pounds of fluff, I’m a hero every day. Now, what was the point I was trying to make… okay, I believe that someone always has their eyes on me even when this morning I was more so trying to embrace the idea of being invisible.

I mean you can’t fire an invisible man can you but on the same token I could have had the week off from work but the squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say, so much for being invisible. So what led to this, the lesson, before I woke up this morning, I think I was dreaming or I was half awake, I’m not sure, it’s five minutes before the alarms start buzzing and my body is on edge. Anyway, the only part I remember is one of the managers told me I had to talk to “Big Brother” because I was under investigation about something, have you been blabbing?

“You know when you have a dream and you’re half-awake, but still in the fringe of your brain, and when you open your eyes you’re so damn glad it was a dream?

This was nothing like that.” Wesley, Wanted (2008)

Isn’t that the whole point, to be seen, and why do I find black so ominous and so comforting at the same time Lady Lu, it explains why I like my women wearing bright colors though I like a woman that would match me too. How does the story end; I go and talk to “Big Brother” about being on the schedule and chances are I will end up working next week but at least I still have my job.

So what have I learned today, keep my mouth shut, I’m so busy trying to avoid being seen that I put myself out there and now The Black Suits Comin’?

Lesson 080 ~Keep Calm, the Epidemic~

WillLeave a comment

I would say I’m tired of trying to “Keep Calm”, stay afraid okay, keep sane, well I like to pretend, but how about “Stay Alive” one move night will be The Hunger Games but calm wow. Keep Calm the Epidemic, the world I don’t think is able to

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Lesson 080 ~Keep Calm, the Epidemic~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear and yet there has been no release but didn’t we discuss yesterday that it does not make sense to ignore the fear, acknowledge it, accept it, and then do what you must. Sometimes though, I feel… it is more a curse nowadays “feeling” but I feel and of every emotion, I seek to own, calm is one of those that alludes me except when sleeping.

It’s as if I’m in a rush to the graveyard and “afraid” that there will not be a spot for me, keeping in mind my day job makes me feel dead already but without it, I would actually be, some people might call that obsessive wouldn’t you agree? You know I have been simply trying to survive these days of “Sapphire” and I nearly have, until today I felt I was gaining control and now… Honestly today I was again practicing my speech which would be all rant, tell me this why does my daily life, give me everything but calm, indeed why don’t you tell me how zombies feel.

How should “Laura” feel in the movie “Dogging: A Love Story/Public Sex “when she was surrounded by all those men who were seeking to “ravish” her when all she truly desire was to be with “Dan”? How about, well there was such a cavalcade of characters in “Virgin Territory” but I would not call one of them calm, there world made it no reason to be. What about “Day of the Dead”, after you see some of the stuff that they had to go through, the idea of being calm, okay, safe, just goes out the window, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Butch: “You okay?”

Marsellus: “Naw man. I’m pretty fuckin’ far from okay.” Pulp Fiction (1994)

I guess as you can see I had another movie night with “Indian Gone” but my point is how does anyone keep calm in such circumstances, drugs, coffee, and as I said sleep which means I can’t even enjoy what calmness I happen to find. Just so you realize how stupid I sound, what brought on this tirade, simply put I didn’t see my name on the work schedule for next week and I’m all about conspiracy, what gives hmm…

“Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t following me.” Harlan, Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

So what have I learned today, other than I live voraciously through others, making my life seem insignificant and then again if anything were to happen to this lifestyle of mine, Keep Calm the Epidemic?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 079 ~Be The Tenth Man~

WillLeave a comment

What kind of man would I be, if I had a choice, would I be the man that gets girls, would I be a gentleman, I’ve never wanted to be Superman and I want Batman’s cash and you’ve heard, don’t try to be a great man, just be a man? Be The Tenth Man.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Lesson 079 ~Be The Tenth Man~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, well not until the first man and I wonder what was he afraid of… God, if the Bible was a fact though I believe there was something else, how could he even define it as fear? When I would attend church there was a song that says something about God not giving us the spirit of fear, so if not it, wherever did it come from, the Devil and who created Lucifer, that too much?

I think I’m getting off topic as I tend to do but I was thinking about my rule “You Are Not a Caveman” Lesson 51 ~Not Easy to Be~ although I don’t know how I’m ever going to remember that, sad I have to look up my own rules. I still plan on making 365 of them and then condensing them down but here’s something else since I didn’t write any poetry yesterday *sigh*. I’m sure I’ve asked this before but what was the first rule, while we’re on the subject of the first fear.

Take for example “World War Z” 2013, I have yet to read the book and on that note, I hate being one of those people admitting I’ve seen the movie but never read the book. My point is in the movie, the man who became the tenth man had to accept fear and prepare to combat it, ignoring it would gain nothing but the end. Fear my dear Lady Lu is all about the wait, it’s sort of the difference between the more traditional slow zombies and the speedy zombies.

“Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” proverb

While I will keep my rule of “I Will Have No Fear” can I not also embrace the wait, am I afraid if I’m prepared, of course not, because when was is afraid, one cannot think and if anything I think a lot, don’t worry but instead think. The Tenth Man was not told to fear the impossible but instead to prepare for it and that my friend is power.

“Even without the events of 40 years ago, I think man would still be a creature that fears the dark. He doesn’t face that fear, he averts his eyes from it and acts as if he doesn’t have any memories of his past. But, 40 years is both a short time and yet, a long time. Man’s fear has withered. And even time itself tries to wither the desire to know the truth. Is it a crime to try and learn the truth? Is it a sin to search for those things which you fear. My purpose in this world is knowledge and the dissemination of it. And it is I who is to restore the fruits of my labor to the entire world. Fear… It is something vital to us puny creatures. The instant man stops fearing is the instant the species reaches a dead end, only to sink to pitiable lows, only to sit and wait apathetically for extinction. Humans who lose the ability to think become creatures whose existence has no value. Wake up! Don’t be afraid of knowledge! Think, you humans who are split into two worlds, unless you want the gulf between humans to expand into oblivion, you must think! Signed, Schwarzwald.” The Big O

I cannot be the Tin Man, I’m far too late to be the first man, and I suppose it’s not easy to be Superman, if anything I just want to be a man and is that the lesson, if I may surpass the caveman but I not yet ready, so can I will I choose to Be The Tenth Man.

I Will Have No Fear