Tag: Life

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

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I can’t say that I have many friends and as I told a girl at the “Day Job,” if you say that I don’t like you, well wish granted. I like making women happy, but being a man and all how do I feel about myself. “Friend Like Me, Will”

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Disney properties. Well, couldn’t you tell that from the title? I’m going to be hard-pressed to explain buying stock in it with everything else I want to have. Anyway, today isn’t about ignoring stock options but people. Now, of course, I could teach a master class in this, and I won’t apologize for my views on people. Okay, maybe on women, but that’s business. I respect women on a personal level but in my markets? Inspector Echo I have two words, “Pure Taboo,” and if you look that up, it’s your fault. One day, I’ll have a studio like that honestly, no doubt.

Let’s start with today, and the new normal is I’m a few days ahead. Right now, it’s Sunday the 16th, but I have things to do. Do you say I should go talking to the neighbors about the HUMMING/BUZZING/VIBRATING? I did leave them a note; isn’t that a shocker? What about the people I do know? Indiana Gone and I were all blah in our texts. When it comes to M Anime and Cherry, I’m still a man possessed, so I try to be careful. It’s not panning out as well as I hoped. I continue to dream of black pantyhose on a certain girl; thank you, “Fechikano!” How about having to deal with my “Father” last week? My Dæmon stayed in his bed, either old or scared, that I wasn’t here to protect him. Yes, like a Witch’s Dæmon, I know my “His Dark Materials” folklore. Still, when I see my father that’s like, eat me, said the cake to Alice. He’s no friend.

What about what I have been neglecting to mention for days on end? How little I have spoken of Valentine’s Day. Yes, I still believe there is some girl out there that I might have left lonely. As the song goes, how could you be so heartless? If only I had a voice like Eddie Holman, “Hey There Lonely Girl.” Now I continue to believe money talks, so who am I speaking to these days? Let’s say, more creators in the adult entertainment industry. A cosplayer here or there and what was that about Pure Taboo. I know much worse Inspector Echo, of course, the kind Norton warns of nowadays.

That’s what I’m sorry for now, Friend Like Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

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If I sold my soul to Hell, I suppose I would be a rich man already. I guess it’s the last thing I have to save for a future wife because “other” things well let’s say I have had some exciting experiences, some good and evil. Does Will Have Soul?

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’ll never be a politician. In today’s age, considering my business dealings, I would be more than suitable. Well, seeing I’m a black man, with more than liberal views. Let’s keep in mind my hero was voted to the Nevada Assembly, and he was dead. He’s also one of few Republicans I respect. Now that leads me to today, which I’m glad to say was without incident. Well, a spammer on Facebook, but nothing reported email wise. I’m a much better man than that Love.

Only I continue to worry, baby girl, my phone still has me jumping. Not in the fantastic playlist way because you know I must have my music. While we’re on the subject, I do have my “Stork The Fire” and “Grown Folks Music” playlists. Would my parents be proud? Now, as far as my palate in the realm of “Soul Food,” I can’t say I’m much of a fan. One Thanksgiving, I am going to invite my mom and my sister. While I’m not so sure about my sister’s cooking, my mom is an expert. Not saying that I want her to cook, but she made sure I didn’t starve. She also taught me respect for women. As I tell you, always there are no secrets between you and me.

My firstborn, my dæmon, won’t be spilling my confidences anytime soon. So tonight I sit here contemplating the term, SOULMATE.

I tell myself every day that I share my soul with the world. One of my rules #148 Women Always Find Out The Truth. Nobody can take all that I am, My Love. Do I doubt you, of course not, but could I be honest, you need only ask anything? I heard this song the other day, “Not Afraid Anymore” by Halsey, she sings, “Heaven gonna hate me.” My life, my businesses are things people call evil. Trust me, baby doll. Those people have no idea. At the same time, I sing, “Cause without you they’re never going to let me in'” (Heaven) I mean. If I have a soul, I will give it all to you. On the same token, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel so bad. I’m not the President, I know right from wrong. I have a soul; I want to be a better man for you. Does Will Have Soul?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

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When you choose you don’t have time to hate but only to understand, so you start with the question, what do you want and I answer, I wish I were a better man, more to the point that I wasn’t so scared because I do hate. Adults Hate Until They Choose.

Monday, February 17, 2020

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

Hundred And Twenty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and how can anyone hate with that amount of money? In a way, it’s like a public service. The more I have, the less I have to FEAR. Tonight that’s all I know, an overwhelming fear. You know what the news is, as always I hate the humming in this house. I’m starting to hate anything that wakes me up, be it my alarm clocks, memories, and of course, my phone. I can’t even glance at it anymore without becoming ill. Most of all, I hate being AFRAID. Every moment it gets worse, and like Adult Entertainment, it’s everywhere I look now.

Adults Hate Until They Choose and as all of my Motivations point out, what do I want. Madam Justice, I made a list of goals, and I’m nowhere close to them. Indiana Gone and Cherry live somewhat in a state of innocence, I see. You know me, I have a Guilt Complex. For these past few days, I have chosen to go to sleep. If there is a decision to be made, I want to feel good if only for a while. I want to keep talking to you and the others because I have nothing else going. Sloth and Lust, but writing isn’t exactly a job and not a sin. You can place it under Pride or Greed, that I intend to make money this way. How about Wrath that I continue to take revenge for all of my misdeeds? So why not choose another way, be a man.

I choose not to live in half of a house. Only that doesn’t stop the noise now does it, Madam Justice. I’m sitting here in the Den as it drones away, and why? “Eerily,” and yes, Grammarly is going to call me out for that word. Anyway, I’m reminded of those nights when I was sick of the Basic “Witch.” Can I not choose to Live Brave and stop thinking about my STUPID phone? In less than an hour, I’ve jumped twice and for what. Spam emails, and sooner or later, I’m going to get into trouble. Again let me choose to be brave and not live in fear of every moment. Madam Justice, I’ve decided to be a man and not to hate myself.

A Man chooses, but a slave obeys. What am I? Adults Hate Until They Choose.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 230 ~He’s Ding Dong Willing~

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Shut Up. I like my friends, I love my son, I love the ladies, and there are lines I signed to have people look out for me, but the noise is becoming deafening, the fears from the push of a button I swear. He’s Ding Dong Willing, but no

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Log 230 ~He’s Ding Dong Willing~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m wondering how silent it would be in a vault. Seeing that much money up close and personal, would my heart skip a beat. Would it leave me breathless, and would I fall for it all? Should I replace the word vault with crypt? I got out of school at the right time because I would have been a victim of cyberbullying. Anything somewhat similar was my fault from the ladies. For now, there is no haven from this house or online. There is only noise.

As always, we begin with the humming, let me tell you I tried. It’s a problem you’ll still have to contend with, but my father was here. He said it’s not coming from the house but the neighbors, so more black men. At this rate, you’re living in half a “home” with no chance of sharing it with anybody. Speaking of sharing and ladies, who is Mary? Another week of jumping every time the phone rings. Norton and H&R Block are both emailing almost daily because of my number and this woman. I hate being even near the phone. No matter where I am, I’m always checking. THEY say ignorance is bliss and how I want that so badly right now. When I sleep, it’s not resting because I’m never finding that; it’s for the silence. Work should bring that too but Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace
    Failed

Back to ZERO, this list might as well be that humming. It never ends, and except for a slight variation in tone, it remains. So here’s hoping that you will find the solution. Yeah, you’re willing to live with it as long as Norton, H&R Block, and nobody else calls or emails. Again, the noise is relentless, but even at this moment. 12:35 PM I made a promise not to lift the phone. No matter what, until 3:00 PM, it doesn’t own this life. I should say my life soon to be yours, but it’s not true. Isn’t it ironic that my right ear has been screwy, and now that I can hear I don’t want to anymore? Well, you’re welcome. I give you this gift, and it’s more of a curse. I couldn’t give you a better week, which means you have more of a fight Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace

For Whom The Bell Tolls, Will, He’s Ding Dong Willing.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 229 ~Will’s No Serial Killer~

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Isn’t there such a thing as A Series of Unfortunate Events; I can’t say I ever got into those books and with everything else, I should be reading but more to the point doing, as idle hands are the Devil’s playthings. Will’s No Serial Killer

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Log 229 ~Will’s No Serial Killer~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m no Sheldon Cooper either. Well, except for one thing, and that’s his “third times the charm” concept. No that doesn’t mean I’ll knock three times, did I mention I’m not a serial killer. Today I want to talk about a “series” of actions done.

You know how Faith from Buffy The Vampire Slayer would say she’s five by five, meaning she’s okay? I’m more three by five. I will repeat actions three times but test them three to five times. Okay, that is more a confession for Inspector Echo. Take, for example, the Day Job. Coincidence, hmm, but I hated three of my supervisors on this particular day. I counted to five each time, and I’m still employed somehow. I’ll check my bag three times but check for a specific object five. When it comes to my writing, I run it through Grammarly once. Then Hemingway Editor, and then my computer features. Didn’t somebody say, trust your first instinct and don’t overthink? How about How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, I try Lady Lu, but it would be better if I were doing.

While I’m on the subject of books, what is the last series I finished all the way through? Okay, partly this isn’t my fault, I read through The Hunger Games and here comes a fourth book. I’ve forgotten more sequels than I care to admit. What about the novels I’ve written? Didn’t I say before I have no clue how I’m going to do the next NaNoWriMo? Yes, I’m completely lost, but the ideas are always coming. My head is a mess, but to be fair, that’s partly to do with the humming. My father came by, but his only assessment is that it’s not coming from this house. Now you know how I feel about that; part guilty complex and then again can I believe what he says. How many reasons have I come up with for the humming, and it’s still not fixed?

What about the fact that everyone has a story? Do I go over and confront the neighbors about the noise? I can’t have aa woman over here because the Den still rages in that awful racket. Even dealing with my father today left me and My Dæmon a bit discombobulated.

All the things forgotten and still Will’s No Serial Killer.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 228 ~Pancakes And The Willies~

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The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, THEY say, and while I can’t say I cook much, my heart is with a little four-legged kid who only yesterday turned 15, and yet I’m not bringing home a new mom. Pancakes And The Willies hmm

Friday, February 14, 2020

Log 228 ~Pancakes And The Willies~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and one day I will buy My Dæmon a pool full of fries. Yesterday was his birthday, and perhaps for this month, I want to share his story. It’s not like I’m reading anything or anybody cares. I even missed one Friday, but okay, let’s call this the story of Pancakes.

I tell my son every day, “I love you like pancakes.” When he wasn’t even a year old, and he was my nephew (my sister decided to have two-legged children). Anyway, I took him walking, he needed fresh air and to work his little legs. The next morning, he was looking handsome and healthy, he was happy. So I went to the kitchen as I forgot a drink with my breakfast. Coming back to my room, here was my wee little puppy man on the bed. His head buried in syrup goodness of French Toast or waffles. Lady Sophia to be young again. I should also ask what they put in those sausages since he avoided them? A day after that, another microwavable breakfast, this time pancakes. Fool me once, right. So I place them up high from his reach. My Mom says, “You must love pancakes,” the first reason.

The second comes from The Walking Dead, Episode 6×11 “Knots Untie.” Abraham and Glenn were talking about Maggie’s pregnancy. Abraham said when Glenn was pouring the “Bisquick,” was he trying to make “Pancakes.” Now I didn’t make my firstborn, but he is my son. He’s my child a Prince, a Protector, my “ride or die” Partner. Lady Sophia, he’s my best friend; that’s all I need to know. When I found myself here in this place, there wasn’t even a question he was staying with me without question. My Mom again would tell me when I was still living with them that he would defend my room and me against anything. Even now, as always, he’s lying here. Yep, taking a break from his patrol to be at my side.

Lastly, he hops into my lap, curls up, and sleeps without fail, that’s trust. He forms the perfect warm little pancake right there, and it’s like he melts. Sometimes he’ll even bring his favorite toy. I ask you, Lady Sophia, after feeling such love, is it any wonder I’m scared? 15 is a considerable age, so Pancakes And The Willies.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

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High to me is not falling out of bed, tripping over the walls of the tub, and remembering to put something in my stomach at some point and down, whether it be time, money, or depression SIGH. Up High, Down Will

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be depressed? It sounds like another excuse and how can I even hear it with my ear and all. From last week to this one, it’s like alarms are ringing all over. Still, I sit here, refusing to answer the call. I even have Cherry giving her best impression of Lady Mormont. I’m not getting up for anything, well a pair of black stockings, but today isn’t Thursday. It’s not Wednesday for that matter (Sunday Night). I’m still speeding through time, so no wonder I’m so exhausted.

I wish that’s all it was, and also that yesterday never happened. A slippery slope Inspector Echo and I’ll be right back to “The Day.” Anyway, the theme of yesterday was humiliation. I had to call my “father” about insurance and my humming situation. If that’s not bad enough, he doesn’t care enough to text back. It’s one thing to go begging and be told no but silence? It’s a good strategy, which is why I employ it all the time. You can ask Cherry about that. Insecure, Discombobulated, and repeating past mistakes. Is there anything I can speak to that won’t make me sound like, well I don’t want to put that in the universe. The word I’m looking for is LAZY right, because how long have I been away from The Day Job. At this rate, how will I ever manage another NaNoWriMo?

It’s like I’m drowning in FEAR, and my bed is a life raft. What am I going to do tomorrow? Go back, crawling to my father? Now didn’t I talk some about him and his ANGER? I have plenty to myself you know that much Inspector Echo. Now I’m trying not to be something, something explicit. Only LUST is pretty much the only thing keeping me anywhere near rational for a few hours, at least. It’s my high, that and the ceiling fan. How about some retail therapy? I wanted to buy My Dæmon, DogTV today, and doesn’t he deserve it, I ask. Everything that I desire Inspector Echo and what am I doing to reach it at all. My kid stands taller than me, begging me to get out of bed and go outside.

I’m sorry it’s like I’m the living dead, and Lust is my hunger. Trying to climb, Up High, Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 225 ~Will And “Folk” Heroes~

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One day I’ll hear those words, “Help me Daddy,” yeah, I know what I’m thinking but I’m serious, I’ll always be there for my family and no, I’m not a hero. They’ll also talk about meeting the folks me and my wife. Will And “Folk” Heroes

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Log 225 ~Will And “Folk” Heroes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, even after I gave my parents a few million, so I’ll never see them again, well, dad. If I ever become my father, do what you think is right, but don’t become my mother. You don’t deserve mistreatment or anything less than to be the goddess you are My Love. The one thing I ever learned from my father was money, and he’s not a rich man. Indeed most of my heroes are rich men, and I don’t know how they did family life. With what I do for a living, most people ask how I dare to be a father.

My “Big Sister” told me once, “you can’t build a strip club, next to a school.” I wholeheartedly agree, and while I won’t keep any secrets from you when it comes to our children? Now I’m Sonny Corinthos saying my kids will never be part of the MOB. There was another woman who worked for me once and is an awesome mom. My business is one thing, but respecting her as a woman is another. People do as they like, and I wouldn’t want you or any of my family to know disrespect for my dealings. It’s hard wanting to be one man and then wanting to live the dream, and would I surrender one for the other? Again I don’t know how they do it, baby girl. Writers like Todd Michaels and S. Wolf; there are others, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

I still don’t want to be my old man, thinking I give money, so that’s love. Who has to be terrifying or full of rage to hide insecurities and anxiety. I’m never going to hit our kids or threaten them with any violence. They will never feel ashamed of themselves, and I swear if anyone ever calls them STUPID.

Now they say boys marry girls that remind them of their mothers. You can have her intelligence, her heart, and talk about courage. Will I call her the epitome of parenting? My sister has two kids with different dads, and how did I turn out? Then I look at my firstborn, and I always say I love him like pancakes. I couldn’t love him more if I poured the Bisquick myself. For all our kids, we can be the best parents, Will And “Folk” Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 224 ~Dogs Have Such Big Hearts~

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I’ve had dogs before, my grandmother’s. His name was Wishbone; he was shot. Grandma lives ghetto adjacent. I had a chow puppy; one of my grandfather’s dogs killed him. “My Dæmon,” once belonged to my sister. He’s nearly 15. Dogs Have Such Big Hearts.

Monday, February 10, 2020

Log 224 ~Dogs Have Such Big Hearts~

Hundred And Twenty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so My Dæmon’s backyard is enormous. As you know, I’m a time-traveler (Friday, February 7). For the record, I still stick by the first rule of going through time, DON’T.

Anyway, if I were to imagine the future, I see him, he’s grown a beard, or all his little tan hairs are gray. He lies between two or three children, a boy and a girl Luke and Leia, or three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember. Yes, I know there are other combinations. I didn’t even get to name My Dæmon, though we called him Neo for three days, my mother changed it.

I always thought the deepest love was between two partners sharing their lives. The truth is, though, I would kick any woman out on her behind for my firstborn. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t hear the word LOVE. I say it nearly every day, and any time I leave the house. You know how my #2 Impossible Thing is always to be a better father. One of the reasons I’m not is because it’s my boy who shows love 24/7 365. Even now, where is he, you ask? He’s lying against my leg, taking a break from his guard duties. Now I can’t blame him. Madam Justice, he’s the strongest man I know. I’m ashamed to admit this and I should save it for Inspector Echo, but I hit him yesterday. Not on purpose, never, but you know my rants about “Coal” at the Day Job, right? So yesterday I was watching all these bully fights. There was this big one with Bruce Lee fighting all these guys on a rooftop, beautiful brutality.

Well, I’m up, and I’m swinging, and My Dæmon gets excited and WHAM, he gets smacked in the nose. One more thing my son teaches me, and that’s FORGIVENESS. I swear he’s hated me more for vet visits and that never lasts more than a day. Isn’t it ironic that he has heart troubles and my love for him, wow? I buy his medication, his food, everything he needs. I’m sitting here going crazy with the humming. Scared, I did something to my ear this afternoon. I’m exhausted, and all this seven-pound ball of fluff wants to do is help and comfort his own Dad. GRATITUDE, he’s my sweetest blessing.

Dogs Have Such Big Hearts.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 223 ~Will The Real Owners~

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“Freedom Ain’t Free,” as the song goes, it’s why I think a billion dollars is a fair price, to feel at one point it was $200.00 or do I value myself far too much; the things that people get out of my pretty cheap. Will The Real Owners.

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Log 223 ~Will The Real Owners~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if you were too, what would you spend all that money on anyway. Let’s say besides women, of course. You’re not a Christian man, well unless I find religion in the next two days (Thursday Night). Vengeance is mine saith the Lord, I heard from someone. Please don’t freak out, and I know you won’t, but everybody else. While we’re talking expressions, here’s another, a penny for your thoughts. Now you need to be like The Band Perry and “sell’em for a dollar.” Okay, what I’m saying is you don’t own a “darn” thing, not even your thoughts; it seems sometimes.

Let’s start with today; for example, I emailed the roof guys. It was an easy question, are you the owner of the house. No, I’m not; it belongs to my Olds and you know how I feel dealing with them. Can’t I pay $375.00 and get rid of that humming finally, how long has it been now. Isn’t it ironic? I bought the TV, the PS4, the games, all my books, I could continue. All of it is in that room, and I can’t enjoy any of it anymore. The bed I’m sleeping in isn’t mine so where do I get off trying to share it with someone. Even my best friend in the world, My Dæmon, isn’t mine. I didn’t pay for him and he belonged to my sister at first. If I open the door or the gate, would he come back? He deserves his life, and if I could talk to him, I would ask if he’s happy here. I should be asking myself about, well you know what, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Completed

I can take credit for one success and five failures. If anything, it’s like I’m an undertaker burying the same list week after week. Well, there will be a few changes, of course. I guess I can say the plan is mine or well yours, on top of everything else. You’re inheriting my anger from the Day Job with “Coal.” Chances are you’ll keep that humming for another week. I’m saying it “damn, Damn, DAMN,” how I’ve been avoiding that word. Do you want to know what belongs to you to be honest? Yes, Failure but also Fault and Fear. Of Course Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace

Don’t put the blame on me, Will The Real Owners.

I Will Have No Fear