Tag: Rise

Meditation 140 ~B Z’s No Longer~

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“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Or my B III that weighs less than ten pounds, sitting on my head every morning. My lap or chest while reading. Have a heart for the little guy. What? B Z’s No Longer

Monday, November 18, 2024

Meditation 140 ~B Z’s No Longer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Still don’t believe me? Free Up Your Mind… That’s what you’re doing right now. Or listening to Pokémon’s Playlist.

Who needs a Pokémon when you had me? Do you remember when you told me that? Pokémon: The First Movie came out, well… way before my time. “Life” before existence.

Daddy, you would have been fourteen, way back then. But I remember when you would sing all the Pokémon songs to me. The joy in your voice and the love in your eyes are memories I cherish. The theme song, Brother My Brother, Together Forever, even the Jigglypuff song when you were lulling me off to sleep rubbing my belly.

There was also “The Time Has Come…” But that was so far away. Sometimes, you didn’t talk. And sometimes I didn’t listen. But just like today isn’t today, Saturday, November 9, 2024, and Monday, November 18, 2004. We’re here, Dad, you and me together. I still sound like that book.

Speaking of books, what are you reading next? I’m more of a what’s in the bag and what’s in the box. It’s my birthday type of guy. But yesterday… was it just yesterday we talked about books? But, “This Christmas will be a very special Christmas.” “In my mind.” I am my father’s son, after all. Speaking through the music. A beast with a beat.

Anyway, back to books. You’ve been thinking about what to read next. And it won’t be the usual Christmas stuff you got REALLY quiet for. Tradition… Everything tells you to prepare for what’s to come in a 1984 Brave New World, The Handmaid’s Tale, It Can’t Happen Here sort of way. You and I always expected zombies to rise. Unfortunately,

It’s not the moans of the undead. Oh me? I’m not dead. You feel that beat within your chest right now. You hear that voice that isn’t entirely yours. You changed titles; how many times now? What about those little cries, the pitter-patter of feet, and the sigh of contentment?

But why now? I’m not bugging you, am I? And neither is Virgil’s breathing, Daddy.

Breathe in and breathe out. If Virgil can do it, you can too. He is there to remind you, Dad. And maybe it’s your need for balance. You say I left silence. And now the world is making too much noise. But remember, you’re not alone. You need to hear that somebody loves you. Like the force? I love you, always. B Z’s No Longer.

1387 Days Without B III, Day 828 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 133 ~A, B, C, Me~

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If I had 12 Apostles, I’d have 6 men, 7 women, and a dog. In my writing, I have 2 men, 4 women, and my dog… My FIRSTBORN. This is my B. I hope that I’m hearing him. “God” knows I don’t want to hear from anyone else. But my son Braxton… “A, B, C, Me.”

Monday, November 11, 2024

Meditation 133 ~A, B, C, Me~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… You don’t believe me? When did you last think about Theresa Walker’s song from Dead Air? Zombies? Music? Movies?

And then there’s “Jack McAfghan: Pawprints from Heaven: How to Communicate with Your Pets in the Afterlife.” Don’t go thanking him just yet, Dad. Though there’s a reason you picked up that book. It’s not like you ever asked me about book choices. Like ever…

There were the books you would read to me. And then the ones when I assumed you were letting me sleep. How’s that been going for you? Like I didn’t know Dad with my spot. Virgil sleeps in the center at the foot of the bed. “Left side, strong side.” That’s my spot. Movie reference? I am my father’s son. I miss our movie nights with you and my aunt.

Daddy, we should have more, not just on… you know.

And that’s why I’m here today. Time? It’s overrated. And it’s not that I’m here now. I’m always here. Or did I really smell that bad? Virgil hasn’t thought of touching my bed. He’s a good boy. Can I call someone else a good boy? There’s a lot to unpack there, but again, there’s you. My Dad, my best friend, my brother. Don’t go crying again, Dad. I didn’t cry.

At what you thought of as the end, I didn’t cry. Okay, I gave you a look. You needed me.

And today, you need me. Because this has been the first time ever something’s compared.

Sunday, January 31, 2021. And now, on Wednesday, November 6, 2024. What about E-Day, Dad? Again, there’s so much there.

But, like always, you’ve had some time to reflect. So now let’s talk on Friday, November 8, 2024. Why am I here? Comedy comes in 3’s, right? But for real, Dad, I love you. Always.

That is number one. I love you, and you love me; nothing will ever change that. We’ve stood together through some rough times, remember. COVID, Day Job, my grandpa. Today and the next four years, well… I saw you through one minor apocalyptic event… I will stand with you through this, Dad, no matter what. Daddy, I’m here, always. Reminding you, number three, there is so much good in you. Forget the world. Father? Daddy?

Please let me see that good in you. ALWAYS AND FOREVER. A, B, C, Me

“Look! You’ve pushed me this far; now I’m pushing you the rest of the way! You know, back there in the woods, even when things looked really bad, I still believed we’d make it because you were too stubborn to quit! I’m not gonna make you quit. Not now. Not when we’re this close. Now, try again!” ― Homeward Bound.

1380 Days Without B III, Day 821 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Chronicle 318 ~Rise To B Better~

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Someone asked me… well, an AI asked me how I would like to wake up in the morning. I think it’s a toss-up between my son stepping on my head or, as Tyrion put it, a girl’s mouth wrapped around my… Anyway, reasons to get out of bed? “Rise To B Better”

Sunday, May 15, 2022

Chronicle 318 ~Rise To B Better~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Oops! The only way I could be better is with what, a trillion. But your lazy ass…

I shouldn’t be mean, but you’re thinking it too? The answer is “B.” The question, why do you rise? For me, all last week, it was this. B III wouldn’t forgive me ever. For you, it’s the fact that you’re not wearing any underwear, but we’ll get to that. Do you see what time it is? The beginnings of a brand new week, and the first thing to rise, besides “that,” is pain. I’ve said before I need to write down every reason I miss Braxton. When it’s not fear of the Day Job, pain, or your dick, it was Braxton. What better reason is there to rise. As the song goes, “I believe that love is the answer” Because with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pet Loss Poems: To Heal Your Heart and Soul
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Every day, I fail to rise to the occasion. Even when it comes to books. Though I continue to score that one thing. I remember THEY used to say on tests, if you don’t know, then mark C. No, the correct answer is B, yet Braxton is another test I failed, and you’ll remember. I rose to help him when he was dying. Oh, and here come the tears rising to my eyes now. Hell, I didn’t have to bother with rising at all. I could never sleep when Braxton was like that. A lie. If I hadn’t been enraged at the Day Job that Wednesday. And fighting for any bit of sleep to survive that Thursday. But B was at the vet Friday, and he was dead that Sunday.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Repairing the Heartbreak of Pet Loss Grief, C. Jeffrey
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Thinking of raising my son Braxton to Heaven or wherever. I forget Six Impossible Things. So why should you rise when I’ve condemned you to failure, Easy Like Sunday Morning? It’s right there in with #6. Be the man your son thinks you are. In a way, B was lucky. Dammit, that’s a sick thing to say, but you remember, you know the man he was/is, and you couldn’t ask for better. And this week, or at least this moment, you are worse. You are. A pair of breasts, your balls, staying awake in bed the whole day. What will you do now? Write books, make bucks, and become better. But the man in the mirror? Rise To B Better.

Gospel 318 ~Got Braxton At Home~

469 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 245 ~Ain’t For That Will~

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As the song goes, “I ain’t for that walk,” the sadness from my couch to bed from another rejection, constantly worried at the day job until I get time to apologize, the doublethink of hoping she sees and then not. “Ain’t For That Will”

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Episode 245 ~Ain’t For That Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, stop what you’re doing right now. What is it they say about fortune and the bold but my friend it costs you everything, mastery, moments, and money.

Once more with the Titans, today, for now at least; it’s an “Eat A Dick” sort of day (Language). What was I thinking last night and what were you thinking this morning; can the bird get here any faster? Now we turn our attention to Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill. Yes, I remember writing out all our fantasies to one woman. Sending a “Butterfree” to another, and last night not learning from history sigh. Sending more fetishes to Court. You like that name because in a way you know judgment and no matter what you will face punishment. Still carrying the world on your shoulders great Atlas? Only it’s not that big, honestly and yet Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Look at you today, starting the week with a 34 F, but it’s not a 0. Now explain to me how are you going to get up for the Day Job when you have to and how many steps is that. Will you won’t take less than a hundred to get here. I know the wait is excruciating. The aftermath is exhausting, and the successes need editing. From your bank account to your writing, or maintaining any one friendship. One of your motivations talks about the body wanting to conserve energy. As you need every bit of it to cope. Another talks about being a lone wolf, and you carry so much. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Lust” (The Elite Seven #1) by Ker Dukey
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Rule 066 states “Do You Step Or Leap” and you are starting to feel that 5-hour ENERGY. If you could have this “second wind” all the time? No, it wouldn’t be as if you’re on your way to the gallows, in that car as a kid waiting for your dad to beat you. How about walking into work. Why should you be afraid to push a button? To have to remind yourself to pick up your boots, or the way you’re backtracking in your mind over something you said. Don’t allow the thought to dare cross your mind. Where do you want to go, HELL you’re heading in the wrong direction. Always forward but one day up, lift your head, holdings, and headboard ha. Get over Prometheus, for when you know your path, where you are; Ain’t For That Will.

“I ain’t for that walk.”

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 238 ~Will The Man Rise~

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I don’t want to feel anything, in this world it’s wrong for men to know anything else besides rage and no I won’t be my “father,” but crying makes me a girl… wow, and my other emotions make me a stalker, pervert, monster. Will The Man Rise?

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Episode 238 ~Will The Man Rise~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, ask the big questions like are Clone Troopers Eunuchs? I tell you I have no idea where your ideas come from man, but it’s not like I can do any better “I thought I had a chance.”

Will the man rise, maybe never, this whole life is nothing but war. Already you hear a thousand voices crawling through the woodwork. Talking about your gifts, greatness, and generosity; you know too many girls.

Girls, Girls, Girls and all it takes is one to have you feeling like “Grey Worm” to make you Unsullied. Surprised, maybe you should give “Game Of Thrones” a chance but anyway Grey Worm did win Missandei. No, my boy, love isn’t for you, attraction, attitude, an idea of twenty seconds of insane courage. It’s gone over twenty hours. You’ve kicked yourself two hundred times. Only it wouldn’t even matter if you were two thousand miles, you’re nothing, Six Impossible Things

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Will, The Man, rise, you don’t like you, and I don’t want you. Still some men like you to be the butt of jokes, to open your mouth, so they look less stupid, to lend a hand. Can you be any more gay, monstrous, brotherly?

Contradictions, of course, it sure as Hell hasn’t been Pussy Galore. You might as well be a Jem’Hadar who lives only to serve. Yes, your diet consists “mostly” of porn and God help you if you leave that behind. Speaking of gods that’s the rub, you know. They are constantly changing and ever since Friday you haven’t looked to any girl at all. You’ve reached that stage where she makes you so worthless that you must focus, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Will “The Man” Rise, as the song goes “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Only nobody wants to believe that he gave into male urges. Hell he surrounded himself with twelve guys, Joseph had a wife, but no sex and you’ve never heard of God’s wife and then nuns?

Might as well be dead and I know that’s how you feel. No, you’re not going to kill yourself over some girl, but better a Walker than “Incel.” One more word you had to look up ha and yeah you would “eat” women and plenty of guys would have you “suck” something am I right. If anything it’s better if you follow B III’s example, if you see a pretty girl, you run like Hell. If you have urges, use your toy, work on expanding your territory or sleep all day. Sooner or later, like him, you have to ask, now Will The Man Rise?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

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How many knew they had watched their last sunrise and how many of those have I regretted, that I wish I didn’t have to see if anything I should be more grateful to be sure. “And The Sun Rises”, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, who knows

Monday, October 2, 2017

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, you got to remember to keep your head up, and yes that is going in the rule book but speaking of which there are exceptions and one of those is when you’re being shot at. I swear I don’t know what is going on with the world today and how many times have I said, I’m not cut out for politics but to think my biggest problem this morning was I couldn’t keep my head up around this construction guy and then a few minutes later I learned there had been yet another shooting; some people will never raise their heads again and I’m complaining?

Death does not frighten me Lady Lu, of course you know this, I was in my car yesterday “Just Cruisin’” and the thought that if there was a button that could end my life so easily I’d probably push it. Suicidal tendencies as always but I’m doing pretty okay for just being human… when did I start explaining myself to you especially since I want to start writing today? As this Walmart greeter said, any day above ground right, and as we have discussed before just because so many others have it worse right now doesn’t make my problems any less valid and yes I am grateful, though I’m always saying that about my day job and that’s fear talking.

Speaking of fear talking, I was watching Fear The Walking Dead last night and this lady made Alicia promise that she wouldn’t make decisions based on fear and we know that’s my bread and butter. Also, a note, don’t let me buy bread and butter pickles anymore those things are gross but what does any of this have to do with today’s lesson? I was thinking that the sun isn’t scared to rise and neither is the moon, how about Braxton, how about any of those people who were at that concert just living life?

No, Luna, I don’t owe you a damn thing even remembering how we got back to talking, I don’t owe any bitch if anything I owe Braxton, but my point is that it’s a new day and what am I going to do with it, why fear it at all? So what have we learned besides the fact that sometimes I feel immortal or I’m dead and in Hell, and other times I know I need to get to work because I’m still here Lady Lu And The Sun Rises?

I Will Have No Fear