Tag: Therapy

Chronicle 332 ~Better Be Worth It~

WillLeave a comment

“Tender Is The Flesh…” is it worth it? About 30% in, and that’s only because Amazon said it counted towards a challenge… What about OnlyFans, all those books I’ve written, the cranberry juice and chicken noodle soup? Better Be Worth It… doubtful

Sunday, May 29, 2022

Chronicle 332 ~Better Be Worth It~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s that worth to you? You hate the Day Job, a dream deferred, a “Song Unsung.”

Are the tears worth it? They make their appearance even later this morning. You’ll keep doing it, that I promise. It’s been 483 Days, and a tear has fallen for B III. Each and every one. While I was busy not getting tattoos, think about this. One lonely teardrop, hmm? You can be all Cry-Baby with it, and you’ll never need to cry over your Lost Boy. Never again. But is that you or Braxton? Do you need to be confused and weird this morning? Not to mention all the pop culture references. It wasn’t audiobooks last week but music. Us and our lists, right? It’s like being back in school, writing out the questions, and having no clue for the answers. Six Impossible Things:

  1. For What It’s Worth ― Buffalo Springfield
  2. He Got Game ― Public Enemy
  3. Song Unsung ― Eden White
  4. Cry-Baby ― The Honey Sisters
  5. Lost Boy ― Ruth B.
  6. It Doesn’t Matter ― Alison Krauss
  7. It Doesn’t Matter ― Wyclef Jean, The Rock
  8. Love T.K.O. ― Teddy Pendergrass
  1. I WILL BE Finishing Healing Solutions for Pet Loss: Goodbye Is Not Forever
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Is one even worth it? It’s the only one that I ever do. And I doubt you’ll do better. Hell! You won’t even want to do your one because it’s the first story, not about grieving. If it’s any consolation, they killed off all the doggies in the story. But if Amazon fucked you…
That damn challenge! You’ll find out if the title’s “Final Frontier.” If it’s worth anything. But that goes for a lot of things in life. You’ll look on this week and see It Doesn’t Matter. Alison Krauss or Wyclef Jean version? Again, It Doesn’t Matter! What is it worth today? In the past few minutes, what have you done? Braxton’s water bowl, hoody, he’s still dead! Like, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica, Sarah Moses
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Now Braxton was worth it? “Takin’ the bumps and the bruises, of all the things of a two-time loser,” Teddy Pendergrass sings. Um, that’s eight now? And inevitable memories? All this knowledge and all these trinkets, do any of them make any difference, really? Without your phone, wallet, keys… oh don’t forget your glasses and the mask pocketed always. You can never forget your dick, ha, and that’s quite the subject, long, hard, sorry. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “A man who does not have something for which he is willing to die is not fit to live.” There’s plenty which you would die of out of fear, shame, or pain. But something to die for? Without Braxton, you don’t know. Better Be Worth It

Gospel 332 ~When B Moved On~

483 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 331 ~You Wouldn’t Believe B~

WillLeave a comment

You wouldn’t believe B; I need more sleep. That’s what I told my son plenty of mornings as soon as the sun was up. And afternoons after work. You wouldn’t believe B if he told you those were the best days of our lives. And now You Wouldn’t Believe B.

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Chronicle 331 ~You Wouldn’t Believe B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I should say I’m crying right now. Disappointed, Discombobulated, playing with my dick. Could be true

You wouldn’t believe B AHEM, “when somebody loved me, everything is beautiful.” Hell! All I know is that I never want to open my eyes. Be it 2:30 AM to discover all the lights are on. My standard for waking up at 4:00 AM is because I want to be “Successful.” 5:15 AM? You’ll have to excuse me about the time. This morning, I discovered the last day, I felt “normal.” Well, I take that back. I haven’t felt like that since Braxton died but let’s say healthy… Tuesday, January 11, 2022. The question is, what am I going to do, Lunalesca? At the moment, not a damn thing. But when it was my ear… I was listening for B III. Dick ain’t helping anybody.

You wouldn’t believe B if he said that his Dad would find a way to save us both, Lunalesca. I’m trying Lunalesca. And yes, I know you could go all Master Yoda on my ass. But again, speaking of my ass. That’s what led to my discovery this morning. All it takes is getting out of your head. My big one or the one I’m damn-near always using, Lu? The one from Friday, um yeah. Then there’s my writing. Didn’t I say some lady asked me about it at the Day Job? Well, another girl asked yesterday. Talk about trying not to be discovered. I’m the guy with a dead fur baby. What more is there to me these days. Going through albums, not Braxton’s.

You wouldn’t believe B thought he was dying and that I wish… Haven’t I said enough dangerous words this Saturday? It’s not even 7:00 AM, Lunalesca and all I want to do is go back to sleep. Of course, you know I haven’t left the bed yet except for nature’s call. Again with what happened on January 11. I’m thinking about Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day I told my best friend goodbye. At least this morning, I wished a Happy Birthday to Cherry. I don’t know where I was at 25. As far as my Emergence Day, well, to sing you a song Lunalesca, “the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” But “Endure and Survive.” You Wouldn’t Believe B

Gospel 331 ~B In Present Tense~

482 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 325 ~The Race To B~

WillLeave a comment

I doubt I’m climbing the stairway to Heaven. You’ve seen my Day Job. If I had to live there or Hell… I’d rent out the Day Job and live in Hell. (From a movie). But I’m in no rush to go meeting boy. Well, I was yesterday, but I survived. The Race To B

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Chronicle 325 ~The Race To B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so first things first, listen up. You should run faster to paradise… but no, not like that.

I know you’re glad this week’s over. And I swear, I’m surprised you even got to see it after yesterday. A reminder that the Day Job is not the sole harbinger of such Humiliations Galore. It can happen anytime, anywhere, anyway. Braxton is dead now. Sorry, but when the pain gets too great, you need to put it into the perspective of the very worst. B III is gone, and that beats what happened Saturday. Um, everything for 476 days. Even the fact that I was born? The regrets start early. Yeah right! That’s why you got up at around 7:00 AM, lazy ass. You’re not starting this week off too well, are you? Saturday takes the cake beating the Day Job. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Repairing the Heartbreak of Pet Loss Grief, C. Jeffrey
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I was in no hurry to conquer this list. If only you moved as fast as Braxton met death. Low! How about moving as fast as you did this AM to take a piss? Is that better? Um yeah. You could move as I did in the grocery store yesterday. Humiliations Galore! B III? Move like your father showed up, and you’re looking to swallow pills. Better meds, please. Act like you’re going to work every day, and you’ll have to see the ASM, the old guy, OK? What about this? You just saw a pair of tits, and you can’t wait to take your pants off to jerk off. I want you to move like you’re going to bed. Should help Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Healing Solutions for Pet Loss: Goodbye Is Not Forever
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And again, the B comment was uncalled for. Braxton fought his heart out. Tread carefully. Continue moving like you’re trying to find that woman to be Braxton’s mother one day. You should have the discipline to work on your novels. More like to publish several. Spend more time washing your sheets and not splooging all over them or doing nothing. Start reading again to retain what you learn, instead of one more crying fest inevitably. Show patience and restraint in not trying to get to the “next life” causing yourself pain. Finding your way to B is not a race. And unless some GQP fucktard shows up or you make a mistake, you have a life to live. Well, exist in. The Race To B.

Gospel 325 ~Must B Freeing Sometimes~

476 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 324 ~Time To B III~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s time, but the only thing I’m sure of is that I’ll be crying at some point. I wish it was always at 4, be it AM or PM. I don’t feel like getting up, and my son is gone. Like love and grieving, my stupidity has plenty of time. Time To B III.

Saturday, May 21, 2022

Chronicle 324 ~Time To B III~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But of course, you expect me to say that. It’s routine, it’s regular, it’s all ruined.

That was 4:00 PM yesterday, to be specific. Do you remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother? (1×18) “Nothing Good Happens After 2AM.” Amend that to 4:00 PM? Lunalesca, I splooged all over Friday, which I deserve, for working on my Stuff & Thangs. At least I should have filmed it. But of course, you know who I talked to at the time. Speaking of BAD memories, I remember when my father kicked the shit out of me for not doing my Math homework. Luna, such dreaded memories pop up? IBC Root Beer? The worse thing is that my son died around 4:00 PM. No, I left after the fact and never saw him again. And yes, the tears are to be expected.

Lunalesca, you wonder why I start crying at 4:00 AM. Well, this morning, it was 1:45 AM. The lamp was still blazing, the TV was on, and I was surrounded by the messes I had made. Wow, I didn’t expect this conversation to go this way. Mind you. 4:00 AM thoughts? More like 6:30 AM. And that’s because I went back to sleep. I’m in no damn hurry. Seize The Day? Hell! Yesterday, I realized STUPID mistakes on top of the humiliations I suffered. For example, why I’m not feeling better “The Placebo Effect?” And why my Cranberry juice tasted “funky.” I grabbed the Cranberry-Raspberry instead. Stuff makes me feel sick. Stupidity in and of itself tells me I don’t belong here. Such dangerous words…

Now that’s nothing new, Lu. Going back to high school days, junior college Group #4 and She Who Won’t Be Named. So grateful to forget the dick-teasers, skeezers, and weirdos. The last time I could say I “Got 5 On It.” Yet another reason to miss Triple B. No fives… And 4:00 AM was a goal instead of a burden. 4:00 PM, he would be at his post for me. But “comedy comes in threes,” THEY say. And my son being gone… the comedian’s dead. Two against the world, that was us. Lunalesca. Where will I be Saturday 4:00 PM? Horrifying to imagine it. The wrong time but the right man, ha, always in the wrong place. That was my B. Time To B III

Gospel 324 ~Go To Bed B~

475 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 318 ~Rise To B Better~

WillLeave a comment

Someone asked me… well, an AI asked me how I would like to wake up in the morning. I think it’s a toss-up between my son stepping on my head or, as Tyrion put it, a girl’s mouth wrapped around my… Anyway, reasons to get out of bed? “Rise To B Better”

Sunday, May 15, 2022

Chronicle 318 ~Rise To B Better~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Oops! The only way I could be better is with what, a trillion. But your lazy ass…

I shouldn’t be mean, but you’re thinking it too? The answer is “B.” The question, why do you rise? For me, all last week, it was this. B III wouldn’t forgive me ever. For you, it’s the fact that you’re not wearing any underwear, but we’ll get to that. Do you see what time it is? The beginnings of a brand new week, and the first thing to rise, besides “that,” is pain. I’ve said before I need to write down every reason I miss Braxton. When it’s not fear of the Day Job, pain, or your dick, it was Braxton. What better reason is there to rise. As the song goes, “I believe that love is the answer” Because with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pet Loss Poems: To Heal Your Heart and Soul
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Every day, I fail to rise to the occasion. Even when it comes to books. Though I continue to score that one thing. I remember THEY used to say on tests, if you don’t know, then mark C. No, the correct answer is B, yet Braxton is another test I failed, and you’ll remember. I rose to help him when he was dying. Oh, and here come the tears rising to my eyes now. Hell, I didn’t have to bother with rising at all. I could never sleep when Braxton was like that. A lie. If I hadn’t been enraged at the Day Job that Wednesday. And fighting for any bit of sleep to survive that Thursday. But B was at the vet Friday, and he was dead that Sunday.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Repairing the Heartbreak of Pet Loss Grief, C. Jeffrey
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Thinking of raising my son Braxton to Heaven or wherever. I forget Six Impossible Things. So why should you rise when I’ve condemned you to failure, Easy Like Sunday Morning? It’s right there in with #6. Be the man your son thinks you are. In a way, B was lucky. Dammit, that’s a sick thing to say, but you remember, you know the man he was/is, and you couldn’t ask for better. And this week, or at least this moment, you are worse. You are. A pair of breasts, your balls, staying awake in bed the whole day. What will you do now? Write books, make bucks, and become better. But the man in the mirror? Rise To B Better.

Gospel 318 ~Got Braxton At Home~

469 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 317 ~B It So Small~

WillLeave a comment

All The Small Things, The Little Things, Pretty Young Thing. And Little B was the cure for them all. I would tell B that he would be as tall as a king. I go back and forth between him being so high in heaven or heavy in a box. My life, B It So Small.

Saturday, May 14, 2022

Chronicle 317 ~B It So Small~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. It’s like saying my penis is small… An outright lie. Sorry for dick jokes or title.

Hell, if I were to write a poetry book for B III or any book period. Words are such little things, Lady Lunalesca. Yeah, that’s another lie, considering how tired they make me. Or I’m weak, whatever. My Lady, I’m late getting up and still sitting in bed this second. Who was it that said this? “You don’t want a girlfriend. You want a therapist who’s good in bed. Is that why I often converse with you and the girls from the bed? It’s inevitable. Lunalesca, of course, you don’t see a (P.Y.T.) Pretty Young Thing, walking out the door. Yes, lay off anything related to my penis. I’m not forgetting about my furry boy again, to be sure. I meant Braxton, and speaking of…

One more reason to miss the little guy. A humongous reason, being able to talk to him, Should I stick with a “happy” medium? I still hate that word too. Things that I miss Lu. Okay, so I miss those walks B, and I would take. Can’t say my health is looking any better for it. Having to stretch out to give him bites of food or find his furry little head to pet every day. He was never more than ten pounds, but are you gonna carry that weight? Always. Better him than anything at the Day Job. That’s something I should remember. The Day Job is one of the medium, middle, motherfucking circles of Hell. Greed, Anger, Hersey. My biggest sin is Treachery.

I know Lady Lunalesca. I finished listening to the Succubus Lord series some time ago. Remind me to yell at Eric Vall about his book deliveries. Braxton’s Aunt’s birthday gift. That’s a big thing, disappointing my friends. Then again, dear Braxton is my best friend. And yet I made every cent such a big deal. There was never any until it came to his end. I didn’t mean to make sadness the gigantic talking point here, but as the song goes. I’m just a sucker for pain. Or, with my ear no longer being the main problem, I can switch back to why I’m sucking up dried cranberries again. Something so small that’s not helping, unlike B III or another furry… B It So Small

Gospel 317 ~Ask Your Mother B~

468 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 311 ~B A Little Faster~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s Mother’s Day, and I’m late getting mine a gift… I never knew Triple B’s furry mom, and again I’m late finding him a human mom. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget B’s two aunts. Both are moms. I’m always running around or away. “B A Little Faster.”

Sunday, May 8, 2022

Chronicle 311 ~B A Little Faster~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But what is taking you so long? Today you couldn’t wait to get to the dinner table.

You sound like “The Man.” That’s what Braxton is, “The Man.” You have to keep saying “is,” you know. He’s out there. Or at least that’s what you’ve bought into for the foreseeable future. When you get the chance, you need to go over my dreams. Time enough at last? Ha! If anything, you are always late when it comes to everything. But the damnable Day Job. The things you are late for, if we start with today. Yeah, it’s Mother’s Day and your gift? What about the money you were supposed to send elsewhere? Conversation needed? Yeah, and not like it’s helping, but where’s your Cranberry juice? Cappuccino wanted. Now yeah, you can balk at me all you want, like with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

One, of course, always goes by the quickest. Is there a lot to say about your dead B III? Braxton is the best man you know. Fifteen years, eleven months, and add on another 462 days for him. Every day there is another reason to miss him; To remember. And I know you won’t commit this to memory (sigh). How about this if you ever go back to Whisper and finish the books I laid out. 352 reasons to miss B III? You’ll keep that like you keep your fingers out of your ears. The last thing you need is to pay $175.00 to turn your ear into a Bukkake scene again. Okay, that’s an example of something you won’t say. But Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pet Loss Poems: To Heal Your Heart and Soul
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Now starting back at one: I read, run, and remember my son. As I was able to raise such a man as he. If you remember such a man as your B III? What does that say about you today? Today, I would like to say that you can’t be as bad as you think. B III loves you always… You believe that life moves way too fast, and in a way, that’s true enough. The gas station yesterday? Humiliations Galore! You run from battle. Think of it more as you run a step or two behind Braxton. That is why you fail. It’s your duty, privilege, honor, your fucking job to protect him. What are you running to? Meet him. B A Little Faster

Gospel 311 ~What’s A Mom, B~

462 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 310 ~The Sorrows To B~

WillLeave a comment

Long ago, I got super heavy into daily motivations. But I no longer imagine things can/will be better. But B taught me that they can’t get worse. Tears, the sweat of my brow, other bodily fluids… Um, I don’t think alcohol could dull, The Sorrows To B

Saturday, May 7, 2022

Chronicle 310 ~The Sorrows To B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, ha-ha. Some of my smaller investments include McDonald’s, Subway, Pizza Hut, Buffalo Wild Wings, Krystal, etc.

I feel like crying, Lady Lunalesca. There was a time when being sad didn’t make me hungry. Much like anger, grief takes a lot out of you. If you’re wondering why I’m talking to you so late, my Lady. Yeah, 6:30 in the morning. It’s quite specfic Lady Luna. Tears. Lying here in bed, it’s like I’m flooding the boat. And then the moment I get up, it’s like an ocean of tears. I’m sure I’ve said before I can’t swim. Yet one way or another, I always make it back to bed. I always say, when it rains, it pours. And I don’t mean in a Luke Combs type of way. Water, water, everywhere, as THEY say. But shopping, some puppies, a shitty lawn.

I feel like sweating? Not today, Lady Lunalesca, but what if I found Braxton today? He could be there, you know, at PetSmart. Hell, was it this week or the last one; I looked up Deer Head Chihuahuas? Fur babies are a lot of work. And considering what I’ve been doing. Today I need to check my schedule, but for now, I’ll do the work of missing my son B III. That means I continue to exist. I would shed tears over him than go into the Day Job and sweat. It’s not only the work but the fear. As always, the humiliations galore, I suffer in that place. How about everyday existence? If I had only gotten up earlier instead of hitting the snooze.

I feel like making love, ha, now that’s a laugh. Only I don’t feel like laughing with everything I continue to do. Why can’t I keep “it” in my fucking pants as I did before? 161 days Lady Lunalesca. This isn’t right at all. But I would choose depression over the disgust that happens the moment after. I’m pathetic and sad, but not enough to know how to stop. Do I want to go back to hiding if I had one more four-legged kid around? Do I want to know the worst pain I have ever had in this existence in what, another 15 years? Why not cry about the Day Job, my dick, and the disgust with my presence? Braxton, The Sorrows To B.

Gospel 310 ~Will Of The B-Cells~

461 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

WillLeave a comment

“Bad” things I’ve spent money on… pistol, porno, plenty of food (B was always hungry.) His Aunt, though, fixed him a cake so full he actually threw in the towel. I got gifts to buy with birthdays and a week to endure and survive. “Ways To B Bad”

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is it sad, mad, or bad that you aren’t as well? With mornings like this, right.

It’s sad that you didn’t participate in Camp NaNoWriMo last month, not a day. “For the First Time in Forever.” If you haven’t been listening to Succubus Lord, play Disney. Speaking of Disney, don’t forget to buy Braxton’s Aunt a little bit of each for her birthday on Star Wars Day. With all the reasons to be sad, what’s one more. The fact that you won’t be spending this one in front of the TV. Hell! Like Succubus Lord, you know the stories so well that you could listen and never be lost. “And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think?” I talk about not being lost, but you won’t listen to me. Makes me wonder why you woke up late. That and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because it’s mad to wake up to failure at the beginning of every week. Hell, it’s mad to get up at all some mornings. You don’t want to go sounding like Cherry now. B would never forgive me for that. I’ve said often enough he spent his life protecting me always. And as the song goes, “He Lives In You.” I swear three different Disney references. From Frozen, The Lion King, and (sigh) Star Wars. You’re trying hard not to forget your friends, or at least Yabbos you haven’t seen, with M Anime and Cherry. M Anime talks about “going soldier.” It’s madness that we all haven’t with life. One more reason you continue studying death. “Perpetually trapped… in a never-ending spiral.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Even knowing this is bad. But yeah, it was getting a little too cute. Either way, both get you into trouble, and it’s not like you’re going to listen to me anyway. Last week’s lessons. Take Monday, for example. You shouldn’t wait so long to get help. The money spent… On that note, 20 X 52 is 1,040. You hate math. So honor B III without the food and treats? I’d ask you to lay off “adult entertainment,” but this week brings its “humiliations galore.” So while you’re getting gifts for Carolina. And imagining Cherry with nothing on, buy something… I don’t know what, but don’t give the Day Job this Day (sigh). Inevitable. You and Braxton, Bad Boys For Life. Ways To B Bad

Gospel 304 ~Will You Just B~

455 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

WillLeave a comment

I think I’ve only “lived” four days ever, and two of them I regret. E-Day and the day my boy died. And the other two… it’s way too early, and I got things to do. I always have something but never in my best interest or B’s. Busy Living, B Dying.

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it still wouldn’t make sense… B’s passing. I told M Anime we have a price.

$155.01 That’s how much I made the week B died. $234.90 is the amount he died for. That’s the week I was working as he lay dying. Until this second, I never bothered to look. I still keep all the paperwork from his first exam at the beginning of the month to my guilty plea. Hell, the evidence that shows what I did. But why am I bringing this up? Never can tell with these things, Lady Lunalesca. I wake up every morning saying, NO! Should I be “happy” that I’m being reimbursed for getting fucked free of earwax, hehe? What about the fact that I have security for another year? Paycheck disappeared so fast. If only M Anime saw it, what would she think?

A great man once said, “It Doesn’t Matter.” Lunalesca, I know I was disgusted with myself despite my productivity yesterday. Creaming all over the bedsheets. Like Johnny Lawrence finding the internet in Cobra Kai. What I deserve, napping or masturbating. Why am I being so crude today? I woke up on time… okay, fifteen minutes late after shutting off the alarm. One more thing to piss me off today. If it was the Day Job? Fuck! The days I jump out of bed because, as I said. This way or that, I am fucked, Luna. Yet this morning, it wasn’t as if I was sleeping anyway or better, resting, recovering. After Monday, I can’t even sleep as I choose. I keep thinking I’ll be deaf.

That’s not a dig at those who are Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t I blessed to have one ear? And aren’t I blessed that after an hour at the doctor’s office, I have two, and then what Lunalesca? Cherry asked me to send a page of my work to her as she works on her editing gig. I got an email from a guy who saw my reviews (hmm) and wants me to do one for him. Even B III… I was busy reading, and I still know, feel, believe I can’t pick up another “normal” book. You know one, not about grieving and mourning? Not that I mind that much. Existing. For damn sure, I ain’t living. 454 Days, dick in hand. Busy Living, B Dying.

Gospel 303 ~Hello, Hello, Monsieur B~

454 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will