Tag: Worry

Log 169 ~Will At Least Until~

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Could this be my Christmas list or maybe despite everything, I’ll end up making a Hallmark movie at some point, or perhaps I’m like Santa when he needs to keep the elves hustling whatever the case? “Will At Least Until.”

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Log 169 ~Will At Least Until~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m still Will somehow. Know Thyself, isn’t that right and I’ll tell you what I know. I know how I want to make my daily bread, I love you and our children more each day, and I can be a better man, every single day.

At least I’m trying, but then I look at Santa, who hasn’t changed a bit. Tradition despite everything, and while I’m real with you, I want to be magical for them. My little Dæmon knows his meals, quadruple in size. He and all our kids take pictures with Santa Claus. We bake cookies for him because my mom had one of those Chocolate Chip smelling candles. Talk about another definition of insanity. We watch all the Christmas specials on TV. A Christmas Story, Charlie Brown, A Christmas Carol, etc. I want to drive around and look at all the lights. We can trim the tree as a family. Every night before bed, I want to read them different Christmas tales. Yes, I’m trying to give Hallmark a run for their money. My Christmases didn’t include all this, but I want ours to be so perfect.

You and I can go out and see the new Star Wars. I’m looking forward to more of a red lightsaber than a suit I’ll tell you that babydoll. Still, I want to stay up at night reading novels. Accidental Santa, Christmas Cake, and that reminds me to lookup more stuff on Amazon. Our kids have Christmas List, but what about you, My Love. Well, after we fight the crowds in-store together. I suppose this is one more reason to learn how to get up early these mornings or why even bother sleeping at all.

What about when all the presents bring their joys and the year is counting down. I’m still not much of a drinker, the person I become. What happier for a bit, why can’t that be all the time? Baby girl, how I try with each moment. It shouldn’t be the season but always and forever, and I am a better man than I was before. So you ask me what I want for Christmas, and I remember my childhood. My lists were huge, and I don’t want to break out into Mariah Carey’s classic hit.

Now waiting for 24th to 1st, Will At Least Until

I Will Have No Fear

Log 163 ~You Don’t Willie Know~

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One more early morning and I don’t know what the day holds, however yesterday I would have chosen to skip a two-minute conversation or better other two words instead of feeling like I’m STUPID. You Don’t Willie Know

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Log 163 ~You Don’t Willie Know~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now; I sound so sure of that, don’t I? If anything, I was feeling glad yesterday. Well, all it took was one woman to snatch it away. I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it here, DON’T MAKE ME FEEL STUPID! Inspector Echo I apologize for getting loud, especially at this early hour. THEY admit it takes 21 days to make something into a habit, right. For the record, it’s day three, and it was easier waking today, especially with an extra hour thirty. I’m still waiting for that Ben Franklin truth.

Now that is my point; why do you think I am continually seeking out knowledge? Is it wrong to be ambitious, to want to better my lot in life? I’ve finished two books this week, one by Dale Carnegie another from Natasha Bender. In the spirit of family-friendliness, I’d advise you don’t look up one of those names. Anyway, I know so much; that’s right; I said it Inspector Echo. As one of my motivations says, I am wise. I will rise, I need no guise. So I will not disguise the fact that yesterday, some black lady hurt my feelings. Am I playing the race card; yesterday the president is looking at impeachment. Look, I understand that hate is colorblind, but it’s always people that look like me SIGH. “My people” who bring me down the most as always.

What is this all about, “diabetic socks for men.” Am I not making sense? So this lady comes into the Day Job and asks, do we sell those types of socks? I’ve never seen them, so I say no. She says, “compression,” so I mull the term over, and she says, “you don’t know,” and she walks off in a huff. Talk about wearing my heart on my sleeve always. That’s one more reason I’m still running, and I’m a stickler for time. A moment to think, and I end up feeling like a moron. It doesn’t help that I’ve been physically running away these days. I’m waking up super early as Eric Thomas suggests so I can get somewhere, but it’s not to the fight. The faster I move, the quicker the day ends. I’m sorry I don’t take the time to see the man in the mirror Inspector.

I say it’s all FEAR, but You Don’t Willie Know.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 162 ~A “Will” Good Morning~

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Well I did it again, maybe not, 15 minutes later but come on I need at least three hours of sleep, still, I consider it a win and with the holidays coming up I’ll need all the energy I can get for the “family.” A “Will” Good Morning, I hope

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Log 162 ~A “Will” Good Morning~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why not stay in bed with you? Right now, it’s way too early, even for tradition. I read somewhere that boys marry girls that are like their mothers. Again, look at the time, I have dreams to chase, a Dæmon to look after, and demands to make. Better than demands to take like at the old job. Still, even with what I’ve made my life’s work, I don’t see any reason to rise at this hour. Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m. only now?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, THEY say. I still have mixed feelings about the holiday season. Once again, I’m a traditionalist, so playing Santa for our children? I want to see happy faces under the tree. If I want that, then it means working hard right now or maybe not, my love. When you do what you love and all that, but I can still be tired, right? I don’t think I even got three hours of sleep, but then I looked at you, baby doll. Yes, I am one of those types that will say you’re beautiful no matter what. Some devote their lives to studying the stars in the sky. Others have faith in angels. I have you beside me, and I don’t mean to get all sappy. Well, I don’t drink coffee, and I lost my morning cappuccino, wanting to get to work quickly.

“It doesn’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine.” FTWD

I don’t know how my mother did it all during the holidays. She would spend hours cooking up this brunch of all the classics, pancakes, bacon, sausage on one side. Then she would have all this fried chicken. Now I have been a Southern boy since I turned six to be fair. Do I expect us to one day to brave the crowds on Black Friday? I mentioned Jada Cato from It’s A Southern Thing yesterday. Why do think I work in my industry, or wake up at 2 AM? Okay, despite my worries. That is why I did go and fetch that cappuccino and returned to lay by your side. The world is full of would-be Santas. Anyway, I can think of worse ways to wake up. As long as we’re together warm, I suppose I want our kids to see a White Christmas.

Yeah, I’m not driving, ha that’s A “Will” Good Morning.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 156 ~Addict Up, Mr. Will~

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Show gratitude isn’t that right, and if I’m sleeping more then my ear must not be bothering me as much, I didn’t even mention it today, but of course, I’m always complaining about something. Addict Up. Mr. Will

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Log 156 ~Addict Up, Mr. Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I am asleep. Today I want to talk about my addiction. No, not “The Addiction” that’s for a possible Thursday and not “Family-Friendly.” Lest I forget I’ll break into Will’s Most Hated Words. Anyway, I don’t want to offend any former addicts, or indeed the general populace. It was only yesterday my “Grand Mommy” was called by hackers using my name, saying I had a DUI, the grandparent scam. I hardly ever drink, I don’t smoke, I’m not even a fan of coffee, you know.

Will’s Hated Words:

  1. Skeevy
  2. Stupid
  3. Merge
  4. Happy
  5. Family-Friendly
  6. Just Kidding
  7. Tease
  8. Freak

Coming soon, a top ten but for now my addiction. SLEEP Inspector Echo that is my sin. You ask me how is that a sin, aren’t I a “normal” American? I hate talking about the Day Job. I’m ashamed though, for two days I stayed awake, the third I felt drugged, today I’m under the covers. Everyday Inspector Echo, I listen to Eric Thomas railing about sleep. Then I come in, get something in my system, and promptly pass out. Talk about staying hungry if it keeps me awake. No, I choose to sleep over everything. I was late with my Dæmon’s meds because I wanted to sleep. Did I do any reading today? The pillow was calling my name. What time is it now that I’m talking to you? Oh, and I missed Cherry too because I am exhausted.

I talk about being an American with a job, but I’m also an adult. It never matters how I sleep; I only want so much more. Again there is one thing that keeps me going indefinitely, but I can’t go there. One more reason sleep serves as a substitute, or I could talk about violence. Yeah, I wanted to play some Far Cry 5, but I’m hoping to stay awake so that I can watch NXT. My Dæmon nowadays is an enabler, but he’s old. If anything, I should stay awake to enjoy being his dad for as long as I can. The kids say I should stay WOKE about the issues of the day. What about my writing, didn’t I say I wanted my book published by the end of the year? Good luck with that, as if right?

Sorry, Addict Up, Mr. Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 155 ~Is Will “GULP” Gray~

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I like that song from Seal, Kiss From A Rose, and I fear I’m going gray, as the morning didn’t lie, or maybe I dreamed it up I am so tired these days, I hope I’m not so old when I find her. Is Will “Gulp” Gray?

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Log 155 ~Is Will “GULP” Gray~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now like the alphas in most of the books I read. Now here’s a confession for you, I didn’t get into a “specific” genre until I read E.L. James’s works. You know My Love I’m a traditionalist. No Man Cave but The Study. I’m not one for a bunch of lights. If there’s anything “modern” about me, while I still keep paper copies of books, nothing beats a Kindle. So what am I going on about today, well it all started when I looked in the mirror.

I still hate mirrors as if I’m a vampire or something. Back in my day, vampires were scary, not that I have anything against Blade or Twilight. Speaking of fangs, My Dæmon wears his age well, doesn’t he? Any day now, he’s going to spout a beard, or all his hairs will turn to gray.

One more thing that will happen before I ever let you meet my “father.” The Dead don’t walk the Earth, yet. Won’t Indiana Gone be pleased? I told her that there would be WALKERS before I got married. Anyway, I fear if you met my “dad,” I would be dead to you. My mom is great; you could talk to my sister but, my dad? “I didn’t know Tony” had a son” I’ve heard that my entire life. The strange thing is I have listened to worse, that’s why I don’t lie. If I were the “Lord Of War” you would know what I do baby doll. Do I keep personal and business life separate? Of course, we have two-legged children. Still, I even keep my fur-baby somewhat sheltered. However, my point is also Indiana Gone didn’t think my father looked half bad. I’m not the jealous type I mean; the Devil has many colors.

Is that why I like black so much? Okay, that brings me back to the mirror this morning. SIGH, I found gray hairs. Baby girl, I’m an old man. It’s not just that though, between my ear, which I bring up every day and too much light? I don’t wear sweaters, but I’m always in a hoody. I’m figuring out money though we have billions. What about the news? I’m keeping up with everything. Most of the novels I write while fiction are almost biographies.

Still, I’m your old man right; Is Will Gulp Gray.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 149 ~Don’t Mind The Will~

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There was so much I didn’t cover today so lost in my head, how about the allegoric reaction from all that dust in my eyes, the fact that my ear hurts, and I practically passed out getting back my “problems.” “Don’t Mind The Will.”

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Log 149 ~Don’t Mind The Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so does that mean I got money on my mind? Do you remember my “Show Me The Money” playlist? My thinking was that at least for two and a half hours; it was easy to stay positive? These past few days, though, I have been braindead. Keeping in mind today, I woke up an hour early and was still late to the Day Job. How about the fact that I wasted an hour of my time there getting ready for nothing at all? I bumped my head on the fan in front of a girl. Oh, and I completely blew it as a manager today, SIGH. I’m also limping towards the NaNoWriMo finish line after everything.

I could continue Inspector, but I have to be kind. How do I define being that, though? Didn’t I talk about yesterday keeping my head up? What about looking people in the eye? I keep failing Rule #2, “You Are Not A Caveman.” Inspector Echo, I tried, I gave it the college try, did I mention I never graduated? Besides that fun fact that I’m not a student, I’m also not a slave, but what did I do today? I’m not a “Master.” I don’t order people to do things for me, but again today. I am not the friend, and oh, how we are going to get into that tonight? My head hurts and again not only because I hit the fan. One day like today and I spend hours sleeping. I told Cherry and M Anime about how my feet were killing me because of driving. If anything, I am in more pain and have more shame because I ran away from those guys today. I’m a Senior Associate, Old Man, the Wardog.

Something else I don’t need to think about is My Dæmon’s age. A Dog’s Purpose is a no go right now only know he is living up to it Inspector Echo. I have to be a better father. If anything, I have to be a better man. You should also remind me not to quote R. Kelly’s lyrics. Okay, movies, R. Kelly, let me add Alanna Anderson. Don’t say I’m not “family-friendly” if you look her up, it’s your fault, okay? Speaking of taking responsibility, I finally got back to M Anime; after a month.

Sorry for my big full head, Don’t Mind The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 148 ~An Eye For Will~

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Again not a word about NaNoWriMo, but I will finish on time; if only I loved writing as much as I love my job, yeah I hat the place, but I need it and speaking of which what about love, well I still have my dæmon. An Eye For Will.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Log 148 ~An Eye For Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that means I have eyes everywhere. First and foremost, I want to write books; you know that My Love. To this day, I still hate that saying about a picture being worth so many words. However, I want to study photography. I want to make movies. Before I met you, though, I loved other things, and I don’t want to offend you or creep you out. Too late, am I right? Only you know I believe the dead will walk the Earth. I know I was fearful of the Day Job. Of course, I love My Dæmon like pancakes always.

Now, as the song goes, I only have eyes for you. How about can’t take my eyes off of you, baby girl. I don’t lie My Love, again I’m not the type of man who can, I don’t know. Yes, I live in the moment, I can focus, when I look at you there’s only us. What I’m thinking is I want to love you, like I did my old job. Yes, I hate the Day Job, well the people but I was always there. Should I love you the way, My Dæmon loves his walks. When he missed one, I’ll admit I was frightened. Let me love you like I do my writing, which is every single day without fail. Oh, to love you like I do my DVR because I’m always saving every little thing important. You would have me love you like my pillow, because where am I right now, that’s sad.

Now another bit of faith I have is that love should be an obsession. With everything I love, I learn everything I can. When you understand something, it can’t hurt you ever. Today I was thinking about how I look at things. It reminded me of something out of “Prayers For Bobby.” When he was sad and miserable, his head hung low. His mother took it as a good thing. If he showed confidence or happiness, his mother was displeased. Yes, I know he was gay, not where I’m going with this, no worries. My point was when I was shy, scared, and sullen, people “loved” me ha. So I raised my head, I smiled, I studied, hope I wasn’t staring. Still, people got scared.

Only you’re not afraid ever, wow An Eye For Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 142 ~Thy Will Be Done~

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As the song goes, I was almost home, well 42,000 words leaving 8000 to go if I hadn’t wasted days from this one to that; and what about the Day Job, people, I am so done with everything and then nothing. Thy Will Be Done

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Log 142 ~Thy Will Be Done~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I could have been a year ago, or what’s my age again? Now it’s no secret Inspector Echo; if I had that level of wealth, I’d have a gaggle of young girlfriends. How about a beautiful wifey, yeah I’m still trying to be Dennis Hof. Only I was telling Cherry the other day, some women of a particular age are BRATS. I do mean legal age, but I’m getting off the subject, which is hmm? I should be done by now, with my novel, with the Day Job, how about staying afraid? Now you’ll have to excuse me, Inspector Echo, there’s work to be done.

The “Wrist” Of Playing Chrono

Chapter I Buttons, All Shapes And Sizes = B, Protagonist
Chapter II Tight Type Of Time Management = T, Victim
Chapter III Hands Across An American Girl = H, Mnemosyne
Chapter IV Put Your Clothes On Chrono = C, Cult

Chapter V Gears Looking At Your Kid = G, Victim
Chapter VI I Spy Some Amazing Thighs = I, Mnemosyne
Chapter VII Knowledge Of Knockers And Knockers = K, Cult
Chapter VIII Forgotten Filthy and Forlorn Truths = F, Protagonist

Chapter IX Anatomy Of Frickin’ Laser Beams = A, Cult
Chapter X Desiring Daughters, Damn The Danger = D, Mnemosyne
Chapter XI Lust, Dust, Ladies, Do Much = L, Cult
Chapter XII The Naughty Bits Of News = N, Protagonist

Chapter XIII Mornings Mourning The Moaning Mistress = M, Victim
Chapter XIV Pillow Talks Most Popular Prayers = P, Cult
Chapter XV To Jump The Jawbreaker’s Bones = J, Protagonist
Chapter XVI Yes, I’ll Rock Your World = Y, Mnemosyne

Chapter XVII The Silence Of Scream Queens = S, Protagonist

I know where I screwed up. I ask myself that every day, when is the moment my anxiety gets the best of me? I’ve come too far in my novel now; 37, 945 words. Not far enough today since at this hour, I should have 700 down, researching everything. I thought I would be done, living this way. A long time ago, to be honest. One of my motivations says, though, that a champion never stops Inspector Echo ever. The struggle is real, as the kids say. I’ve thought a lot about my sins lately and understood why so many find well Jesus. People find it too hard, but How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Inspector Echo apologies, I worry, Thy Will Be Done.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 141 ~Will’s A Bible Thumper~

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Not a word about NaNoWriMo hmm, I still have a three-day window, but family comes first or thoughts of a future family, but writing is my first wifey, well to read, and I never got through the whole bible anyway. Will’s A Bible Thumper

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Log 141 ~Will’s A Bible Thumper~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what would I do for it? Well, you know I don’t want to discuss my business dealings. Of course, I’m not Nicolas Cage in Lord Of War. You’re my wife, my love, so I don’t keep secrets from you ever. Now you know baby girl that I would do anything for love as the song goes. Yeah, but I won’t do that right, and I need a reminder that you love me for me, well always. I’m not ashamed of my dense religion phase, but I am a big believer in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 still.

You know, above all others I would give you every song and book, I write novels for a living wanting to explain love. I want to show you that I love you every single day, and if I’m not, I’m sorry. Why do I want to be sorry today? One of the reasons I’m my boss now is because well, people. I remember at the Day Job a woman straight-up threatened me, and for what? Some words, love, letters on a page, I write so much wanting to hide and then also noticed. Showing kindness but expecting ignorance. I’m not so much one for the Bible anymore. You know I ignore people who quote it or invoke God’s name. Over two months, I have become so confused over things like weddings, and we’re headed into the holidays now. It’s hard keeping my morals and wanting to do what’s right by my family. It always will be, I suppose, my lovely.

Still, the Devil is in the details, as you know, I don’t like getting any laughs. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy laughing, turn on Tony Baker or TWD Reactions. Only don’t ever expect me to be a clown. Again I think of being threatened by some woman. I’m no saint. You know that baby doll. I say a lot of things, believe, and do plenty, but I try to be an open book, and I won’t let anybody make me feel low or ashamed. To this day, I do that plenty all by myself. Finally, I ask of you, My Love, don’t let me run. How I won you, I’ll never know, twenty seconds of insane courage, taking a step towards you, a miracle.

I love you but being kind, Will’s A Bible Thumper.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 135 ~It Bugs Me, Will

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Last week it was ants or the lack thereof and this week, butterflies, ants, and roaches oh my but I’m not talking about the actual creatures for they all exist in man, at least if you watch some weird cooking shows. “It Bugs Me, Will.”

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Log 135 ~It Bugs Me, Will

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I don’t think much of people. If I was being honest with myself and joined the ranks of the one percent, what would I do? I help NaNoWriMo and animals. Inspector Echo, is it a sin I still owe Indiana Gone, Birthday and Wedding Gifts?

Butterflies, not the first bug you thought I would mention today. I wasn’t thinking about them myself, but now I’m feeling them. Have I ever told you that Red and Black are my battle standard? Today though, I want to burst into that song Amber. No, I should mention the last time I spoke about butterflies or a particular Pokémon to a girl, the “Rainbow?” I would do well to remember since this would cause even more trouble. Wasn’t I so “optimistic” today, though, and I do not need to be in any sense? Shouldn’t I play Chris Pratt’s part in Passengers? Only I’ll do the right thing and leave her alone. I wasn’t lying to her, though; I like how my name sounds on her lips. Cherry would have a time with this, given her particular romantic interests always.

Ants would take my mind off things, but am I trying to curse myself, happy thoughts. It’s FEAR though Inspector Echo, my anxiety and worry. I’m always on guard, and that explains why I’m holed up in bed today. How about being in bed for a different reason, and it’s no good. I’m feeling pretty “antsy,” and I’m not sure why. Well, no, I know exactly why, but so far, I can still post this if I stay on the up and up. These words like one big ant colony, and I’m trying not to bug anybody else, life goals.

Roaches can survive anything or so “THEY,” say. My day job, for example, I endure humiliation, exhaustion, and I play dead. Some pretty girl sees me, and I go scurrying all over the place. I don’t want to imagine myself as a nuisance, but isn’t that always the case. Dennis The Menace, Bran the Broken, Will the Ill, etc. Why doesn’t “Okay” talk to me anymore? When I speak to Indiana Gone, I only bring bad news. Why do I chat up some pretty girl despite everything she has going?

I’m sorry for this RAID Inspector. To be a raven, Nevermore, It Bugs Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear