What time can be a chain as much as anything else and I didn’t have time to pick up any on the way to the house. “Think In The Chain”, I’ve been wrapped up, tied down, some freaking heavy lately.
Chains can command, conquer, control, Believing
Hoping, that one can be Relieved
At the prospect that with Enough
Intertwined that what we desire may be ours, always And
Never enough but with release will we Know…
Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.
How’s Will doing today, it’s not that I even have to take part in the conversation, I could lie in bed and they could live forever, lying long after I’m gone and I’m sure you have been getting this question yourself maybe. Don’t Lie for Me.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Lesson 074 ~Don’t Lie for Me~
Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and no sleep if Braxton has anything to say about it, hopping right into the lesson today, “no ifs, ands, or buts”, now about lies though? Talking about ulterior motives, sometimes Braxton is too smart for his own good, he lies in my spot but not out of love but to make sure I can’t crawl back into bed, he lies down when I’m eating not out of obedience, he knows that he is often rewarded for not begging, so on and so forth usually.
I know that sounds stupid I know but I wonder how many people lie to me for similar reasons, friends you know that dare I say like me for me? Of course, a running theme of mine has been I don’t even know who I am myself and when I behave differently, well as they say, with friends like these who needs enemies? A friend told me, that they have a file on me, my school, the police, the whole damn internet which must be so incredibly confused but I wish I knew what they say about me at work.
“Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that’s where they usually end up anyway, it’s a logical place to start.” Lord of War (2005)
How about the fact that I’m my own worst enemy and I lie (asleep) not because of depression but because it’s the only time, said enemy gives me a break? When I finally take “The Big Sleep”, I hope they won’t lie about my life, another reason to write, so people can’t lie, no Luna I want people tossing and turning, I want them up in arms, or anything else. These words may lie on the page but it will be people that will decide the truth or the lie, but don’t we all really?
“What’s the threat? We all sell out every day, might as well be on the winning team.” They Live (1988)
We lie about the people we’re with, support friends even when better friends know better, at work they build you up on lies, surrounded by air while you’re lying in the dirt, at the end of the day is six feet enough. Of course Braxton has the best excuse and I have learned to speak his language but it’s people Luna, and in a way I guess they can’t help it, as I said I don’t know me so they can’t know me but it’s their stories, the weight of it all, I can’t take.
So what have I learned today, maybe it’s the Will said this, Will feels that Will looks like… stuff at work are just people again lying about me or lying for me, this person they have never even met and so Don’t Lie for Me.”
I Will Have No Fear
Choking on my own spit, on my own tears… well let’s not go that far but I still feel pretty bad about the things I couldn’t say yesterday and the things I know today but of course there is no one to tell. A Glass of Will, courage is within.
When I was a child my mom called me a hard head
See I don’t want to lie
or didn’t you know I bleed red
No, because I’m not like you, so you deny
this body will someday die
while you’ll still be talking out your ass
If I could speak to you, I’d say, I’d try
My Jaw’s not made of glass
As my eyes have said worse things instead,
could I be ever so wise
to keep secret, the things I do in bed
because I don’t look like those other guys
Better to be the friend, not gay, but nice and shy
Ask forgiveness than permission, yet I was crass
Now ask me why?
My Jaw’s not made of glass
Though my words may be brittle and led
by desire, greed, my story no Pulitzer prize
more the lyrics of “Right Said Fred”,
I’m too sexy to chastise,
too sexy for… shoo flies
don’t bother me, when “Suddenly”, “At Last”
I cry
My Jaw’s not made of glass
“Eyes Wide Shut” mouth open wide
Apologies have long passed
stuttering My, My, My
My Jaw’s not made of glass
Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.
Things I’m not into, talking in my sleep or self- harm and yet a word came out and how does one go about cutting the back of their own neck. “Bursting At The Seams”, it’s tearing me apart Luna or something like that I suspect, any thoughts?
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Lesson 073 ~Bursting At The Seams~
Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I don’t normally talk in my sleep but I swear right on cue as the alarms began buzzing the word “burst” was on my lips and I can’t fathom why? Is this going to be one of those nonsensical posts which just makes no sense and is better left screamed into a pillow, now where is the fun in that?
Speaking of which, when was the last time that I screamed ever, I was on the verge, and this is one of those things that just doesn’t do well in print, is that why I want to be louder, get others to do it for me, maybe I need some godawful tragedy. Am I that much of a heartless bastard, I already told you, I’ve been forgetting things, like having a stake in Hurricane Irma, hell I don’t but I still remember exactly where I was when 9/11 happened, haven’t I been talking about the days of “Sapphire”. Yet another reason I talk to you, because all my crap seems juvenile, compared to the greater troubles of the universe right?
Which gets us back to today’s lesson and how it must have taken a hell of a lot to get that one word out of me in my sleep, something out loud with nothing but Braxton to hear me and between me, you, and him we’re great listeners but not such smooth talkers. How about talking in general because I can’t figure out how I got the cut on the back of my neck, I mean it’s easy to say that Braxton did but I can’t confirm it. I came up with a joke today that either my dog or my bitch did it but that’s exactly the type of humor that gets you fired and I was tempting fate
I was on the cusp though Lady Lu, I could feel it in my bones, I mean how my novel is so bloated, I come up with excuses by the truck load to not talk, not in front of customers, chicken biscuits, and other people have their worries. The mask is starting to slip again, I kept quiet around one manager and another saw, a bit of my face too.
So what have I learned today or rather thought… maybe something inside me is trying to get out, and if I can’t find my voice, damn censorship but something is truly Bursting at The Seams.
I Will Have No Fear
Heavy the head that wears… well, I have no crown to speak of as of yet but my mind is more than full of things that I can’t let out, truths that no one can feast upon and as if those ideas are eating themselves. Mind The Soylent indeed
Always keep a stiff upper lip
or a smile to zip
the answers to all the things you said,
all the things you said as if I ship
this crown that I pursue
like theses, white walls grew
to encompass the world and universe too
but the pillows on my bed
say off with my head
in league with the red queen
making me wish Soylent Green
was people, to stop a good old fashioned killing machine
which I had in mind
Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.
If anything I’m angry that I had to censor this or that I felt I had to censor this, I think I need a drink, but of course, I have never been a big drinker anyway. The Good Sip Anger, to put out this fire or to make it manageable.
Smoke coming out of my ears
A dragon’s tongue goes unheard
Never freed, as a mind is a terrible thing to waste
Just like a really good beer or tea
Bought by, for, about some beautiful stranger
The best you’ll never have
Happiness, joy, rapture, bliss, but who always wins the race
Tears for fears, a deal if you please
But I’ll go home to anger
Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.
I’m not a fancy of The Rocky Horror Picture Show but as found myself growing angry at the mere thought of my day job I found myself becoming exhausted and the price of all this is happiness? Madness Takes Its Toll I don’t make enough to sacrifice joy
Monday, September 11, 2017
Lesson 072 ~Madness Takes Its Toll
Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, though it comes cheap, hell it’s practically free, as the holy rollers say about God, he may not come when you want him but he’ll be there right on time. It’s like taking a flask to work, you have to hide it, you know it’s wrong, and you need it settle your nerves quite often.
It’s one of the reasons I’m getting to you so late today and I never thought of myself as a drinker, but I’m an unusual creature, other people drink coffee to function, alcohol to relax, and who knows what else? They say money won’t buy happiness but as the song goes I’d like a chance to see, how about you tell me where they are handing it out. Maybe that’s why I spend anger like it’s no tomorrow as with my fear you can’t get rid of it, talk about being a rich man today.
“It’s all right, little brother… there are more!” Herger the Joyous, The 13th Warrior (1999)
Just like drinking for a living though, what is the value in it, I could ask myself the same thing when it comes to writing, because don’t people say if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life? I think I told you before, that when I go to work, I get physically ill, sometimes I try to keep it all in my head because I have to do it, and while I’m not sure about whatever I’m doing, I don’t get paid enough to be angry all the time. Six hours today Luna and that’s twenty-four hours I’ve wasted as far as I’m concerned, that’s unless you count anger as making any real profit.
“I’m gonna teach you to HATE spending money. I’m gonna make you so sick of spending money that the mere sight of it will make you wanna throw up!” – Rupert Horn, Brewster’s Millions (1985)
It’s a load of BS that people say happiness lies within, I had the week off and that anger that was dribbling down came back as if I won the lotto and where do I spend the most of it? Honestly, I never thought of myself as one for self-harm, but how many times did I pound my fist into something, how many times did I go and slap myself, always pay yourself first right?
“Anger is more useful than despair.” -, Terminator, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
Maybe I need to take stock of what makes me happy, grateful of course is one thing I must never forget but happy, isn’t this what happens to drunks. What have I learned today, the price of happiness is time and for some reason, I always seem to be flat broke, Madness Takes Its Toll?
I Will Have No Fear
People are supposed to care aren’t we, my dog without question, friends here or there but what about in general, people that we don’t want to know, people that we will never know, people that we used to know? I Felt the Chill, the coldness.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Lesson 071 ~I Felt the Chill
Hey Lady Lu,
No fear, not at night anyway, I rarely have bad dreams, because well life but didn’t I just say yesterday that there are a million things just waiting? Funny how they haven’t flown away with Hurricane Irma and that sent a chill up my spine, not about the storm but that I forgot something big seemingly out of the blue.
“I felt the chill.” – T.J. Krupp, House Arrest (1996)
Now I know I can be a lot to handle my lady or maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, you think, usually, the only words I have for anybody are the following *inhale, exhale* and even that is a bit much or so I’ve gathered. Thinking, you know “M Anime” might have a point about getting enough sleep but of course Lu, it’s not a math course or meteorology to be sure. So as for today’s lesson as much fear… yes that’s a naughty word but as much of it as I felt today, it doesn’t exactly measure up to being, a tad heartless, now that is giving too much credit.
“Do you not see the logic of my plan?
Yes, but it just seems too heartless.” – I, Robot (2004)
Who do I care for in this world, I mean there is Braxton of course, “Indiana Gone” might say I care a lot, I care about my friends to varying degrees but then people talk about Hurricane Irma as if it’s the end of the world but I didn’t have anybody in harm’s way now did I? That was my realization, that somebody I use to know or probably never did could possibly be in danger and I felt… well, a shiver found my spine. On one hand, I don’t care, I mean why should I at all, it shows where my morals lie, but with so many enemies not that they should be an enemy, again too much credit, I should not turn a blind eye to this right?
I’ve seen so many people preaching that these storms are God’s will, one way or another and who knows Luna I myself may be in danger but I worry more about what people would think of me reading this than of any actual hurricane. My point is I don’t know how I feel about being someone who can casually toss feelings aside, even if they were only on the lowest denominator of emotional baggage maybe.
So what have I learned today, well yesterday that someone excommunicated could be in danger and that’s just it, I’m not going to look, it’s the looking that lets you know you’re screwed but that was yesterday, today my dear Luna, I Felt the Chill?
I Will Have No Fear
There are so many storms in life and I take my shelter upon the page but yet some storms are stronger than others and it helps to remind myself to be grateful for some things. Consider It A Wind, words can be so much stronger than any hurricane.
When it’s not rumor or speculation a blend
of lies, cult fiction, the insane
that happens to be the norm.
Or that chill that leaves you deformed
and shows how your backbone has thinned
but you are not lame.
In fact, you eat and claim
plenty, while the food is warm
as you tell a few or your best friend
You can’t wait till your name ascends
into the spotlight, pages heights, and some librarian to blame
because your book transformed
a woman into literature, from perfect to misinformed
to lost and torn, a dream of sin
only every day is exactly the same
Even if your name is mud, you’re scared or in pain
ashamed, name on a blog, but not on a news crawl, saying the storm,
hurricane, death toll, no I’m back again
“Considering It A Wind”, and it will be a win
Really, when I forget your so vain
your every loving name; for a new obsession, I just printed the forms.
Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.
As the song goes I can feel it coming in the air tonight, and I am not afraid, let Irma blow along with some others but now I’m only worried about work. We Will Be Invincible honestly it’s the people that scare me and their words, not hurricane winds
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Lesson 070 ~We Will Be Invincible~
Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, of course, there are a million and one things waiting in the wings but isn’t it fun to pretend, to look the other way, to play it by ear. Well, what’s the sound of being invincible, how about fearlessness, I suppose I can answer my own question with just one word, and that’s with “yes”.
“M Anime” is a student of languages as for myself, I speak English, Dollars, and Braxton, I swear my little son swears that he’s going to live forever, though he threw up on me this morning and he sounds like he might hack up a lung sometimes. It’s when you see the monster that you know you’re done for, it’s been awhile since I have heard anything that truly scares me but that time is coming soon, heading back to my day job. How about Hurricane Irma… whatever can the wind do, kill me or the waters drown me, to this day people still don’t understand what words do though.
“Well, I speak one… One Zero One Zero Zero. With that, I could steal your money, your secrets, your sexual fantasies, your whole life. Any country, any place, anytime I want. We multitask like you breathe. I couldn’t think as slow as you if I tried.” Rat, The Core (2003)
That’s being invincible Lady Lu but goes right under that blanket of impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane and not at all practical sadly. Well not until I get my writing off the ground and how has that been going, by the way, I’m still aren’t I, though I wonder
If anybody is looking at my old stomping grounds right now. Day nine and I’ve seen some scary things and forgotten a few more and I will no longer give them a license in my mind… see how long that last.
“Haven’t you ever wanted to just disappear, lunch boy? Poof, you’re gone? You’d be surprised how interesting people become when they think you’re *really* stupid.” Dorian Newberry, Disturbing Behavior (1998)
Believe half of what you hear, to none of it, is that why I enjoy my headphones, my music so much because I feel what isn’t real, then what about what people say, what about what I say, how people dismiss the senses so easily in exchange for what… God? We were given ears for a reason, eyes, a tongue with taste buds, skin, and every day I see the impossible, I try, I want to say, the impossible, I want to make it real.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it starts with having a voice and today’s lesson is We Will Be Invincible, not just today, but tomorrow, and Monday, and so on and so yes, We Will Be Invincible.
“Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Alice in Wonderland
I Will Have No Fear
