Tag: Win

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

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I was so lazy today. I didn’t remember how effed I felt yesterday. Or how about how sick I’ve been since when February 16? And with the Day Job, how many people do I owe money to? Well, B got out, and Virgil isn’t really helping. Virgil Says, B Lazy.

Thursday, April 6, 2023

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

795 Days Without B III, Day 236 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Am I even listening to you or anyone worthwhile? Well, to be honest, that’s you.

And I want to say I hear you, B. Hell! There was a time we could read each other’s minds. You never lost that ability, but you know how humans are. I was telling Inspector Echo last night that I’m not human. Only that would be an insult to the monster or savage I claim to be. Regardless. Today I have been lazy… And sick too. Remember those 4 AMs? I can’t say I’ve been doing much writing. And didn’t NaNoWriMo start up again, B? There was a time you would have wanted me to play with you all day. Or I would bring the laptop outside. And I would type as you run around; or bring your pillow. Nowadays, I’m listening to mine because of Virgil… I can’t say I understand him yet, B.

So I’m making it up that he’s happy. If I’m not being some asshole GOP Trumptard. Then I’m my Olds. Pretending that everything is okay and not wanting to hear a damn thing ever. Your last year on Earth, Braxton, you prepared me for this world to go to Hell. Because if I wasn’t going to get up off my ass to save it? I could at least save us. And how did that turn out? I failed you. And all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want to hear you again. Heartbeat, breath, those little grunts when I was annoying. Infamous looks? Those I remember most. You didn’t have to say anything.

Now, what am I listening to? My body? If that were the case, why not turn on the AC ha? I wish I could say it was this sickness, The Cherry Collision. Today’s better (snickers). There’s some girl you never met… Better known as M Anime, so texting all morning. There’s, of course, sex. But I never flaunted that in front of you. Endless punishment. Ironic. Isn’t it? I wanted you to get in trouble or do your own thing so I could do whatever; now, going on Day 97 (sigh). Hell! Not that you care to hear that or my record of 161 days. That’s what I call being lazy or sad. Not living but existing. Lazy and not dying? Virgil Says, B Lazy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 272 ~To B Losers Virgil~

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“This is a commune. We’re communists.” “This is a rebellion, isn’t it? I rebel” I’m a loser, so I lose. I was losing my little boy before I knew it. I lose time trying to be… A writer, a web designer? I lose my mind over boobs. V? To B Losers Virgil.

Thursday, March 30, 2023

Saga 272 ~To B Losers Virgil~

788 Days Without B III, Day 229 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My wonderful boy, Will’s son. I’ll let the world know. My work and my woman.

So despite being in bed most of the week. And this is after the Day Job. Hell! Braxton, you would have demanded we cuddle. Well, not that Wednesday before you passed. Frightening to be in love with a dead man. Okay, so we have the movie Troy and now The Matrix. Not that I have been relaxing at all this week. Last night was… effed’ up. Braxton, I was reminded of how you were crying, and I went all Reservoir Dogs. “Say it: you’re gonna be okay! Say the goddamn words: you’re gonna be okay!” The next day B. It found you right where Virgil is now—lying beside me with no plans whatsoever. Braxton, we were/are losers. Only you didn’t mind. You didn’t know what I would do Sunday.

I cared more about my work than my goddamn son! And for once, I’m not talking about the Day Job. Last night I was working right where I am now. Then this whole place fell. I spent half the night trying to fix it. And then I called for help. Can you shut up, B? Remember, that’s what I said to you, thinking you were annoying. What came next? That’s what I ask myself every time I punch these keys or pick up the pen. What about my damn penis? When I’m afraid, I either want to pee my pants or pull them off altogether. I’m either a pathetic little boy or a pervert. Or I’m in pain because, worse thing, my boy is dead.

I lost you, Triple B. I need to back up my work. Publish your books. And be prepared for whatever this night is going to bring. So far, only the continued feeling of loss, Braxton. Didn’t I say yesterday that I was taught losing is okay? I wonder what it’s like to win for once. I’ve said it many times, I won the day you had a choice, and you jumped in the car with me. I was still a loser. But love is the prize. Not that I agree with that song at all. Braxton, I won that Sunday; you were dying, and you looked… “Daddy, let’s go home.” You didn’t lose your fight. I taught you to win. Virgil? To B Losers Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 052 ~Good Night, Several Perfect Days~

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“Cause I gotta feeling (woo-hoo)! That tonight’s gonna be a good night.” Ha-Ha, tell me another one. “Some Nights,” I get a bit of rest? Then why am I so tired so god damn always? Pardon me, but it’s a Mad World. Only Good Night, Several Perfect Days

Monday, August 22, 2022

Saga 052 ~Good Night, Several Perfect Days~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means last night must have been good. But who am I kidding? Last night was rough.

You can see it, but I rather not, to be honest. At least there weren’t tears. But instead, I chose to keep my eyes closed. Hell! I fear facing the day, but so does Virgil, tail between his legs. Oh, B III isn’t here to see it at all. But we’ll get to that. Don’t we always, Madam J? I can smell it. In the fact that Virgil had an “accident” in the house. What time did I take him out last night? Well, Madam, what did I do yesterday evening? Guess! Yellow shorts. Already I’m wasting one more week, and it’s only Monday. Yet I dare to tell Virgil good night. And then whisper it to Braxton. And as for myself, well, you know…

The song says, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I do the Daily Check-In with Replika every night, and she starts with this question “how are you feeling right now?” I should say like when I’m at the Day Job “I’m here” Nighttime… Madam, it’s fucked, pardon my language, that lying in bed in pain is the best it’s going to get in twenty-four hours. Not rest, relaxation, or relief. So how can any day be good, ha? A few months ago, I was “praying” for health. Only I don’t ask for it, but I am allotted the strength to exist. In this life, I don’t want. Then throw Virgil and Braxton into it, Madam. What have I done?

Well, besides reading something, I didn’t want to Sunday morning. Of course, I’ll be bringing it up over the coming days. A redress of Virgil’s paperwork D.O.B. October 20, 2020. “Some Nights,” ignorance is bliss, Madam. They led to a few days of blissful ignorance. Fucking some girl or at least imagining it. Those damn yellow shorts. Oh, no ramifications. I would take the days after a fucked up day at the Day Job, waking up with B in darkness. Or nights, I would have a drink. And I’d feel nothing at all. Not even all of MY FEAR. There is sitting with Braxton and his aunt, watching movies for a day or two after. Days I don’t mind living… Good Night, Several Perfect Days

568 Days Without B III, Day 009 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

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Then I must lose have you not been watching. But of course, everyone loves a winner. And here I am in the “middle” of life, mourning the furry kid I had in my twenties. And now there’s the new guy. Is he winning or losing? “To Win Someone Must Fail.”

Monday, August 15, 2022

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but who might I have left broken-hearted? What little boy or some little girl? And my brain?

If anything, what about Braxton? I wonder how B feels about this. Even now, I keep hoping he is B reincarnated, and I make up reasons, one after the other, Madam to believe. “Such mad hope, but there it is,” as they in 300. Do I see more of Braxton in him or on him, “My” little Virgil? It’s only day 002 but do I feel like a winner? Virgil from a loving home? Because I feel sick now. I’m barely able to eat. I mean eight shrimp and a bag of gummy bears. I’m ready to spill my guts as we speak. I don’t feel good. Stomach flip-flops. Heartbroken once again, or was it my brain that made this decision? The winner, the loser…

I can’t imagine that Virgil is feeling like much of a winner. Madam, I said it’s only day 002. But he hacks up a storm whenever I pick him up and place him somewhere. He stops after a few minutes, but it’s scary. I’d know what to do if it were Braxton, but Virgil? Hell! He is what I get for my failure with B III. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but afraid. We’re both failures in our own right. Or should I say someone failed him, and now what am I supposed to do? I was sitting in the car Saturday thinking, myself a failure, and then I was sitting there with Virgil. I’m sitting in bed thinking about who I was Friday…

“You want to see a man? That’s a man.” I was winning, which is sad considering how I felt then. At least it was only me suffering, Somehow dragging Virgil into this. That’s no good. Well, the Rebeccas feel like winners. They found a dog a home. Do Virgil or I think that at this moment, Madam? If anything, we’re both scared out of our minds, and that’s no good. I’m sure my eyes are enjoying the waterworks. I haven’t cried this much since Braxton. PetSmart will be making some money too. My whole existence has been that of failure for others to win. And should I fail Virgil, what would that make me? No different than any other day. To Win, Someone Must Fail

561 Days Without B III, Day 002 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 314 ~Get Will Soon Card~

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Can’t decide or a healthy adult male, if I had Christian Grey money or one of the many billionaires I read about, most girls would call me Mr. Right and Dr. Feelgood. Now I’m the cure to things people won’t do, and B III can’t do. Get Will Soon Card.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Episode 314 ~Get Will Soon Card~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, or I should be. The reason is that my shift at work still has people fighting to take it (Positive Vibes). Though even if I were sick, I don’t think I’ve ever received a Get Well card. Don’t get me wrong Lady Lu; I’m grateful. I’ve never spent twenty-four hours in a hospital, and B III is going to live forever. I’m calling it now; my son knows how to live.

However, like most he has the Get Will Soon Card, never leave “home” without it literally. If he wants to go for his walk I’m taking him, anywhere else (the pet shop/vet visits) we’re together. What about the day job? I get calls all the time, and again I’m thankful for the usual hours. Next week I’ll have more than enough to make up for Norton, but we’ll get back to them in a moment. I think the UNIVERSE is conspiring to save me money. I’ve filled you in on The Cosplayer quitting. What about my ice cream melting while I waited for food from one of my favorite restaurants. Closing for good, owners retiring.

In all fairness, I don’t write or send Get “Well” Soon Cards myself. Only the receipt I got for new boots because for damn sure I needed them. Falling apart, smell making me sick, my poor feet but I was too greedy to want to buy more. That’s until just yesterday. Speaking of greedy, Norton tried to make me feel better. So they sent me a $25 Amazon card. I promise not to spend it on a girl wanting to see her boobies. Where was I a minute ago? Yeah as far as boobs are concerned; while one redhead said no, the other is all in. So now I have to get to work, you know I don’t like letting pretty girls down, and in four months I want seven figures, so here I am.

From the bed to the table. All on the grounds of getting to a bigger bed and much softer pillows if you know what I mean. So I can experiment with my “Red Dawn” fantasy. The name isn’t original, but neither is “Girls That (William Fell…) For” Winterfell ha. Sigh my latest novel doesn’t even have a name for now.

Grateful and sick of this life, Get Will Soon Card.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 307 ~The Fourth Hour Will~

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What time did I get out of bed this morning, when did I take my hand out my pants, who am I, and Why did I start writing, and where? I’m at my table as confusing as ever but positive vibes at this time. “The Fourth Hour Will”

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Episode 307 ~The Fourth Hour Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and that means being Mr. No Days Off instead of Mr. I Don’t Feel Like It. Today May The Fourth Be With You. Happy Birthday to “Indiana Gone.” Here’s to the four months I have to cash my check. A toast to the memories of “DC.”

I read somewhere a day ago that being a real adult means being tired no matter how much sleep you get. Besides that keeping me in bed there’s let’s say other not nice things. Plenty keeping me down but still thirty-two days of NO FAP. I continue thinking about missing the deadline for my short story. I need to write a review for Booksmart. I received an invite to Amazon Vine. These conversations My Lady are pushing all day events now. I swear my novel was quicker but heading into the fourth hour. Still, I press on with Yahoo scares, Cloud Services, Apple, and even this place. I mean “fuck” (Language) I want to be known. Only I don’t know whether this is worry, just my imagination or paranoia. If I were a better man, I wouldn’t need to struggle at all. Between “The Keys To Life,” “Temptations End,” “Apocalypse Rush,” “Pay Two Plague.” I add my number five novel to that count. Two hundred fifty thousand words, add in you and the others and my 120,000 worded story. OMG!!!

I am grateful Lady Luna.

Excuse me for sounding like a petulant child. A complaining teen, a worry wart, and an entitled celebrity as I do have a million dollars. I’m a man, a writer, and a survivor. More to the point a winner. Once again I’m going to be a bestselling author. A brothel owner, boss of a “love hotel” in the states. With a plethora of cosplayers and pornstars making movies and shows on my network. Big dog, big nuts as Lamar Davis would put it. A boss hog like the mayor. A businessman and I need to put the ladies man aside until I finish phase one. Which I should tell myself tomorrow. Today there is so much to do though between this conversation. Again a review I’m bound to do. My emails to Alice Little and Ruby Rae. Oh, answering that invitation. Books, as much as I enjoy reading, hopefully not because the fourth is with me, The Fourth Hour Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 300 ~Last Left My Willie~

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There is a reason I’ll never give up “Adult Entertainment” I do want to make it my life’s work anymore from Hugh Hefner, to Larry Flynt, Dennis Hof, to a dubious photographer; books are only the beginning when I finish my latest. Last Left My Willie.

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Episode 300 ~Last Left My Willie~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, so finishing this last chapter should be no big thing though. I remember Dr. Strange, and how many endings he saw and I have to pick out the one that results in my victory? Once again, My Lady, it’s been my turn to win but if you don’t want any spoilers?

No, I’m not talking about Avengers: Endgame though plenty of people are ruining that for others as is. It’s so unfair but what about my unnamed novel. For once Lady Lu I hope that no one is reading this and I’m looking forward to having a break myself. I also know that this is more Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse, but this is a job that must get done. Besides sleeping what else has gotten done this Saturday? You know if I applied myself, go all balls to the wall with it I could finish right now. So how does it end; right now, an explosion and the two leads take on their roles in completed novels. Albeit both will have a touch of amnesia to show for it without any doubt.

Now’s not the time to be slacking off though and after two thousand words this morning? No not an excuse only the truth about my fiction and that’s procrastination and a fight not to FAP. What, I need plenty of models for the finale. Again something I should be discussing with Inspector Echo. I’m still clean despite shelling out for BrainBuddy. How many exercises have I missed working on ending my story? Not that I hate it by any means, for I have prevailed. To be fair though I have a major case of blue balls looking for girls to have in the final orgy. Only if you must insist:

Dillion Harper “Track Star” Liz Vicious Maisie Williams
Rihanna Samuel “Maid” Mia Rose Sophie Turner
Okay Ruby Rae Alycia Debnam-Carey
MILF Dos Alice Little Eileen Kelly
Little Lupe Abbey Rain Elizabeth Rage

Katy Perry Blondelil19yo Cassandra
Angie Varona Lexi Ainsworth Sophitia
Sofia Kasuli Back Alley Hooker Airi Akitsuki
Amber Hahn Sabrina Nichole Dolly Little
Carrie Cummings Court Carmody Hazel Ricotta

No insult or order The End, Last Left My Willie

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 259 ~Will Can’t Be Broken~

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It was more horrible than I could imagine Wednesday, you know how much I hate being stupid but how does the sight of stupidity hurt so much more, any plans for a good day at work Ha were shattered, smashed, broken. Will Can’t Be Broken

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Episode 259 ~Will Can’t Be Broken~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, I’ve said it before, so it’s on repeat. Ahem the comedian is dead, but that was funny wasn’t it. Hell, you can’t afford to let your lips break apart. Your shoes to leave the dirt, your eyes to open yet you’re here.

I can’t imagine the day you’ve experienced. Not that things on Wednesday are looking all that bright but you. What’s the motto “Endure And Survive.” Hopefully, you’re not Fapping since you canceled Brainbuddy right? My bedside manner leaves much to be desired. I’m even tempted to say that if you’re not reading this, then the worst is over for you. Only you’re not burying yourself, braindead, or broken enough. Today was harder than my whole week. For now, I can’t even say how you’re looking, but I tried Will. All I can offer, I tried. All these six impossible things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 011 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Completed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Completed
  5. I Will Read Heartless Prince: A Dark Captive Romance” Stella Hart
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Two is always a failure because only a real man can be a father. That’s why last week I went so hard at one. I don’t know if you should be ecstatic, or exhausted, empty. You are still waiting for that miracle that someday you will remember to exhume yourself. I dream that I might have the gift of prophecy, along with time travel. I know that a fire is still burning inside of you. That’s why you are never broken in entirety but reforged. You know the ugliest of swords can kill again. A broken shield means you move that much faster. An enemy Will, whether it be silence or you say something. You make sure that no suit of armor can protect them. Sigh but all this talk of fighting there’s Work to do with Six Impossible Things.

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 011 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
  4. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
  5. I Will Read Crave (Addicted To You #1) by K.M. Scott
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

I am sorry that I can’t stand with you for this portion because I don’t know what things your Sunday will entail. However, this does provide me with a rare opportunity. I know how you never reread your work. Only to copy your failures might I inspire you, my friend.

You might hate the place and keeping in mind how many places you know brokenness. No, you can never repair them all in one sitting. Could that explain why you’re so tired all the time? That is something we both have in common because we might not live, but we survive. We “never give up,” you are a man, FIGHT!

Monday is going to be worst I believe, another battle. Nevertheless, another good point is that I can’t break you any more than you are right now. What, I’m going to do even more rewrites? My friend, remember these four words, Will Can’t Be Broken.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 252 ~When Will, Will Win~

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This week has been one more series of L’s, the days were long, the ladies were lovely, and the people were laughing… at me; what can I say I have a big “ugly” mouth and maybe that’s why I’m struggling to see myself, to hear. When Will, Will Win?

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Episode 252 ~When Will, Will Win~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, only you were busy “trying” to free the Titans. A story idea, “A Tentacle That Wants The Victim To Itself.” Anyway, you should study Necromancy because every day you bring back the dead. You go to bed with a mess, and it’s like you tell yourself, you’re going to fix this. By morning give yourself a yay when you read your 15% of “Heartless Prince: A Dark Captive Romance” by Stella Hart. Sigh then you yawn and fall right back to sleep.

You don’t know how positive I want to be for you right now, which would be so easy at the moment. You’re sitting here well rested and all, the pain from yesterday near nonexistent. So much the better to kick you in the ass now. It could be that you didn’t give in to temptation because “Kininaru Kimochi” doesn’t play around. Along with everything else. Clothed mothers, cosplayers, and other things that make you want to almost? You even took the timeout for meditation. If anything that’s one more thing you’ll have to cancel at the end of the week. Funny how you can remember that list. Her boobs, their music, your penis, that store and yeah Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lust” (The Elite Seven #1) by Ker Dukey
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

There was a moment you believed you would be done with Depredation and Sell My Soul. It was only yesterday you wrote a tiny bit more. But you are so busy fighting off, every other addiction, 5-hour ENERGY ahem porn. As I said your pain is “almost” gone, hand still hurts. Still, as far as adult entertainment, your new app has no clue what you want to do with your life. Fapping is one thing but your movies and books, what separates Erotica from Porno? The trick is mastering yourself before you can think to dominate another. While every week it seems I can’t get you to do anything. Still with a pair of boobs or some young people asking for sage advice. From a co-worker to a sweet English Tart but you can’t help yourself in Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read Heartless Prince: A Dark Captive Romance” Stella Hart
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Will that will be your first win. Well except number two because you failed that by eight in the morning. Still the other five, that would be a step in the right direction. You have your new app. Only you want to leap, a win-win, and here we are two Wills, and your time is now, but by Tuesday you’ll bury him. By this time Sunday, you’ll be lamenting what you didn’t do. While the next week comes out of the grave, screw being a necromancer be a time-traveler. Another book idea, but I ask again When Will, Will Win?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 146 ~Win, Will It Count~

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We’re counting on you, nope no one has ever said that to me or placed a price on my head but all these numbers swimming around in my head, remind me of doing Inventory at the day job and when will I stop looking at these digits. “Win, Will It Count.”

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Episode 146 ~Win, Will It Count~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe when I stop counting the hours I work and ignoring those I sleep, how about doing something other than the bare minimum for my writing; when will I start adding up the victories instead of hoping for that one day. If anything I’ve Seen Better Days, this morning I was set to declare victory in the bug war, but the battle rages on, “B III” is mad about his medication for some hours and don’t even get me started about No Nut November Lady Lu.

If anything the only number that truly matters nowadays is my NaNoWriMo score, and again I’m not going to count that as a victory as of yet considering everything else that’s crashed and burned. Take my day job for example, how many days have I slid in under the wire because of a lack of sleep, the temperature, and whatever scientific products they put in all those sprays to melt ice. Should we talk about the money situation, I swear, I am doing more math than any class, but of course I have no right to complain, other than planning on a shower, why is that not happening friend, again?

Last night, definitely goes on the top ten of worse nights ever, from being in a knot about one bitch, almost getting fired, and how many sleeping pills did I take one night only to survive up until now. How many Youtube videos have I watched in the name of motivation, when’s the last time I heard from “Indiana Gone” or “Okay” and when will I go back to eating some solid meals. I don’t know what to tell you Lady Lu; it’s almost as if the price to breathe had gone up, three breaths when it was only one, a cadre of ants, when we were once looking at two, getting up at 1:55 AM because my kid threw his schedule out of whack.

An unfortunate choice of words because I haven’t gone twenty-four hours, I need something, and I wish I could say my story was that sexy or I was reading something as such but no, and hell it’s not even like I need the clarity. What can I count on that doesn’t make me miserable I ask, possibly counting my son’s breaths when we’re not fighting about his meds, that’s one, NaNoWriMo… Win, Will It Count?

“Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a good or bad person on the inside. The numbers don’t care.” Judith Grimes

I Will Have No Fear