There ain’t a man alive that can take my son’s place. And ain’t a man alive I wouldn’t put down to keep him safe. B’s life was/is my courage. And how he showed such courage. What right do I have to fear. Effing world… “Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton”
Monday, February 24, 2025
Meditation 238 ~Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton~
Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Don’t be sad. No, Daddy, that is much too simplistic for you. And being happy. Were you now… Ever
You’ve been sick with those little bottles, trying to stay awake for a while. Now you know how I felt with those little sticks when you would say, “They’re for your teeth, B. Try it.” But it’s more than that. It’s the glow box. The one you’d stare at forever…
“Someday, it will be All About You,” you would tell me as I lay beneath the table for hours and hours. It wasn’t my favorite time, but we were always together as you built worlds.
You would create so many so that one day, we would have one of our own. You weren’t friendly, fancy, or very fun. Daddy, that is what you are, my father. Focused and brave one to B Not So Fearful.
And that’s why I’m here today. If I had my way, then surely you would be closer… I sound like such a girl, don’t I? That made you chuckle but not happy. What I’d give…
Well, I’m giving up a moment of paradise. But what is better than lying beside my Dad once more? I would trade anything to switch places with my little brother right now. Hey Jealousy as you would sing to me. That was way before my time. But you’d hold me…
And Daddy, those are the times I wish you’d remember. But anything beats your fear.
Remember those moments of fury, Dad? That’s when you were at your bravest. Why hide it? The two of us standing against the world. I had you, and you had me. What’s fear to us?
It’s not in your vocabulary, that’s what. I heard you more than enough times when you took me to the mean place. You know where the other humans would cover my mouth and stick me with many sharp things. Or they would clip my nails. And even worse. A bath.
You would have fun laughing at me. Well, all except the last time… No, no, no! Let’s stay with the fun. Like when I would hang out with you and my aunt, watching the other glow box. The one you’d watch together, but you know what, my favorite part… Food.
Daddy, you need to eat. You are not as “Effed” as you claim. You are the best man/human I know. Father? Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton.
“I decided that there were times when all a dog could do was wait and see what would happen next, what choices people would make that would change everything or make it more of the same.”
― W. Bruce Cameron
“Call up your courage again. Dismiss your grief and fear. A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this.”
Virgil, The Aeneid
1485 Days Without B III, Day 926 of Virgil’s Arrival
Always and Forever,
Your Son