Tag: Blur

Tale 011 ~Happiness’s A B, Virgil~

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Negative? Have you taken a look outside the window? Or turn on the TV, computer, or phone. I swear screens are everywhere. That’s why I’m making more room for audiobooks. But with all these pics of my boys. I should be happy? Happiness’s A B, Virgil.

Wednesday, July 12, 2023

Tale 011 ~Happiness’s A B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But is that happiness? I should start my day with the truth, Inspector though it hurts.

My son is dead. God, a lie is so much simpler. I am a billionaire, ha-ha. Or I am dead already. Inspector, how about I am happy? Again, simplicity. I haven’t got that remark out of my head from a couple of days ago about being negative. But happiness? I feel a bit sick. Inspector, that could be the energy shot I took. Please! I do that at the Day Job every day, don’t I. Does having the Day Job make me happy? Ill Will. Infected, Insane, Incredulous of “Life Itself.” Do you remember that movie? Of all the things that come up, dear Echo, you know, like when I do those meditations. Or when I listened to motivations. And that one moment in school.

Happiness is not a thing I find. Do you find it or make it at all, Inspector? It’s 7:05 AM. And here I am, sitting in the center of the bed, trying to write it out. It’s hard, dammit. I got to stop doing “that.” Once again, I’m censoring myself because of some no-name troll. There is nothing I can say that wouldn’t be thought of as a negative Inspector. Existence. While I was lying here and thinking about what I wanted, um… Movement, Space, Time. I saw this meme before. And I don’t have TIME to find it. But it said something like this. “You told me to be happy.” What was it, you ask? It was a coffin in a graveyard. Oh yeah.

Okay, I can’t talk about my son. I’m trying. Yes, really, not to speak about “relations.” And people suck. What would be acceptable to everyone else? Negativity is not allowed! Inspector, I want to move something other than my fingers every day. And that’s the bare minimum. I want to walk with Virgil without fear of him running away. Sigh. There are several things I want to move on from. (Cough) Braxton. Grief, rage, bedrooms… Inspector, I don’t want to worry about that space between me and my pants. Always. E, I want to stop feeling whatever when V takes up the center of the bed wanting to be close. I want to quit wasting time and find or make happiness… Happiness’s A B, Virgil

892 Days Without B III, Day 333 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 004 ~Letters B To V~

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How long will getting B’s name etched on my arm take? B R A… I wish I could say I’ve been busy. Sleeping or organizing… and no, I don’t mean Braxton’s pictures. And what about V? I can’t tell him anything. But these words (sigh). Letters B To V.

Wednesday, July 05, 2023

Tale 004 ~Letters B To V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And yet I couldn’t spell Billionaire without help. And Tale? Monday, June 26, 2023… For now…

That’s when I began speaking to you right this second. By the time you read this, I hope I’m still calling these conversations Tales. I won’t finish today because… Mathematics. Ask me how long it took me to do the math on what day it was today. “I feel STUPID!” I’ve been getting that a lot these days. And yet I read every day. I’ve told you before. I’m still not any wiser. Hell! I wonder what I’m reading now. A damn Kindle Challenge, ha? I need to try reading about the money that’s in the bank. Oh! WWE Money in the Bank, Echo. How do I believe those stories? Or how bullies get what they deserve in the end. So excited I hit Braxton…

Have I told you about that E? I was watching YouTube and swinging around everywhere. One more thing to apologize to Braxton for. And what about Virgil? Where’s V anyway? I forgot how to be a Dad. But what I’m ashamed of the most… at least today. Uh, the porn? You know that’s my thing Echo. If only I got paid for it… But no. It’s been all about burning cash or trying not to. Then again, I am time-traveling. Emails, bitcoin, the future? Anyway, I was trying to do something… and as I was telling Braxton this afternoon. Uh, there’s freedom, being free, and that is something these people never said. My ignorance. Sometimes it surprises even me. Listening with the wrong head… Always

And the right one? It’s telling me to get out of bed and get a life instead of this existence.

I’m right back here. It’s as if I haven’t moved a muscle. Coming back to you, it’s now Tuesday, July 4, 2023. Happy Independence Day! What is one holiday I celebrate? Is there even one? I cry or seek comfort; once upon a time, there was one where I conned people. Can I call it that? Like calling it Emergence, Existence, or Extinction Day? You can guess which one of those I want. To be a Dad, get a life, or like the song “Make Me Wanna Die,” hmm. That’s nothing I can tell my boys, my “friends.” But the words. Letters B To V

885 Days Without B III, Day 326 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 362 ~Ways To B, Virgil~

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A way to be? There is another way to look at that. Why do you think I’m so drawn to the dead in the first place? Retail? An existence full of last words? Lying on your back to make a living… That’s not a dig. But I am digging for Ways To B, Virgil.

Wednesday, June 28, 2023

Saga 362 ~Ways To B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I envy my dead kid. If he came back, he’d bite my ass for that.

Only this morning, I woke up to Castle Walls. I mean the song from T.I. and Christina Aguilera. I can’t call this place a castle, A roof over my head that I can’t afford, Inspector. Speaking of which, the warped floor. Hell! One more thing to add to the list. Even when I’m not making mine, the world says to take a breather. Well, no. But there are more lists. There was going to work yesterday. And seeing they reinstituted the headphones/earbuds ruling. All I heard was, how much worse can this place get, Echo? There’s all the stuff I had to do yesterday… again, no. Inspector, stupidity is spreading. Or is that my data? Since Spotify took it upon itself. Making me a playlist

“Lonely Sad Mix.” Hell! Braxton ain’t here. But again, he’s sending songs, Inspector. Not these. And Virgil has his furry problems… “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me,” Inspector. Perhaps if Virgil wasn’t here… And that’s the thing. Even though he’s alive and well… Not that I can say much. Braxton was/is my son, and I was ready to leave him for the Great Beyond. How about the Great Perhaps? It’s not helping that I’m reading about Alaska Young’s suicide or not. Yes, I have to finish the book, “Looking for Alaska.” I have three more days. And another Kindle Challenge list. If I had my way, it’d be back to reading about dead fur babies, the dead, sex…

An effed-up list of words Inspector. But you know the words I want to say. Only if I string the words together… Cops at the door. The door I don’t own. They’re here because… There is always the death of my son. The punishment I deserve. I’m still breathing…. Inspector, it can be for one of the many crimes I’ve done. Hacking, Perverting, Threatening. Only myself with that last one. I WANT TO JOIN MY LITTLE BOY. Because I don’t know how else to say it. I want to sleep for a “Long, Long, Time.” As Todd would put it, Echo AHEM, No Homo. Please, I’m too busy looking at yaboos. But horny’s not how I want to be. Inspector, Rageful, Depressed, Fearful… or um dead. Ways To B, Virgil

878 Days Without B III, Day 319 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 355 ~B That Embarrassing Virgil~

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I don’t have to go to the Day Job to be embarrassed. I got lucky today. But when I get out of bed and step on a floor, I don’t own. I wonder what lights are on. And no, V, we’re not walking the neighborhood. Big backyard… “B That Embarrassing Virgil”

Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Saga 355 ~B That Embarrassing Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why be ashamed? I thought I had to work. Um, visual lady’s cleavage? The time…

Time? It’s been 871 Days since Braxton’s passing. But I’m speaking more of today and getting out of bed. I haven’t yet. … other than to turn off the alarms and get back in it. At the moment, I’m feeling like Frank from The Last of Us —the show’s version, not the game’s. I’m more exhausted than wanting to hang out. Yet it’s what I deserve after what I did to B. Again, B III didn’t embarrass me. Uh? Liking his Aunt Carolina’s boobs. And yet? Hell! Like father, like son. See, I can be horny and… well, not happy. I am appreciative of my existence with Braxton. But how am I honoring that? Look at the time. And what did I say before yesterday’s events? Moaning… while I… TMI!

Well, I’m not going to say her name… out loud. I already did that while I was busy dicking around. I swear some women, Inspector. The Pic Phenomenon strikes again. Effing, keep it in my pants. I’m trying, Inspector, honest. “God gave me everything I want,” indeed. It’s all a BLUR… Well, what I didn’t pay for with bitcoin. And then there’s what I was doing last night. I “discovered this new app that allows for animations of any pic. How far am I going to go? The fact that I have to ask. Or that I’m rushing to finish talking to you, Inspector. How many years has it been (sigh)? Besides Emergence Day. If I could go back in time and stop anything, Inspector.

I would stop myself from watching Ghostwriter (1992). And falling for Tram-Anh Tran “Tina.” As the song goes, “What’s My Age Again?” Or how about the creation of the Internet, in general? What did I type in one of my first search bars? Princess Ayeka… Yeah, Inspector, there was more. Ahem! Princess Ayeka… naked! Nothing I have written has ever been more real. I’m serious. It’s why I’m still working my Day Job, you know. And that’s why I should be embarrassed, ashamed, and, yes, punished. Who says I’m not? It’s called existing. Inspector, what unforgivable sin did Virgil commit to end up with me? What evils people commit! No! I’m the embarrassment. “It’s me. Hi! I’m the problem, it’s me.” B That Embarrassing Virgil

871 Days Without B III, Day 312 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m full of secrets, yet didn’t I say something about anonymity last week. I don’t like anybody talking about me, and that includes myself. I’m not someone to trust, yet here I am, being “transparent.” Such GOP ideology. “B A Secret Virgil”

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. While you’ve become “Secret Agent Man.” One of the “Men In Black.” Or the “Snake Eater,” SIGH.

You wish… Yeah! That you could rip your damn dick off for wasting more money. Oh, and speaking of eating, what will that consist of today? Starving yourself on purpose. Been there, done that, but no. May Virgil never have to see that. Braxton did. One of the few times I was a lousy dog… friend, father, fellow, whatever. B had dirty water, and why? Oh, back then, I was too busy trying to… ok, you’re a big boy. So you can hear the words. But seeing as how you don’t need the cops at the door. I was trying to die back then, dammit. And every day, uh, these last few… You wish I had succeeded and why. Besides Braxton and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Secrets! My failing and yours aren’t. Hell! How many times did you wake up this morning only to go back to bed, and why? It’s not like you can keep yourself from the world you know. However, that is the plan if you ever make it. You’re sitting in bed… First, you woke up as punishment to reset the alarms because of your wayward dick. Around 1:00AM, you woke up because you wanted to simp for Cherry. It’s her birthday. At 4:00AM, perfect, you said you’d wake up at 4:30 and then 5:00. And when it was approaching 6:00, you got up. Why? First, there was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Then came The Cherry Collision. Now The Pic Phenomenon. Won’t help Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls by Eric Vall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this very moment, you’re failing #6 because of how ashamed you are. How asinine your desires are. And how much of an asshole you’re being. Have you been called out on it yet? Not in so many words. Only look at what I’ve done and what you’ll do. Goodness! Not when she turns her back on you. Trust me, the mirror, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” How many friends have I talked to last week? I only need one hand and not even all of the fingers. It Doesn’t Matter… My advice? Don’t go walking around with your dick in your hand. Now that should be a secret. But your heart remains broken in all this. Existence? B A Secret Virgil.

847 Days Without B III, Day 288 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 324 ~Forget B Nots Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I drank more… or at all. But you can ask Braxton’s Aunt about that. One glass of wine, and I was done. Everything is or was a blur. Seems that way for all addictions. Alcohol, Areolas, and America. But I’ll never forget B. Forget B Nots Virgil

Sunday, May 21, 2023

Saga 324 ~Forget B Nots Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But can you even remember what you want to do with your life? Excuse me, your existence.

Noted. You’re only six hours into it and “trying.” Hell! I had most of the week, and what did I do with it? Do you want the truth? It’d be better if I shut up. Start fresh… Inevitable. It’s like thinking of Braxton. Your dog. You dying. And your effing dong. As the song “Every morning when I wake up…” What? Will you start today differently? You want my advice. No! That’s faster than one of my nephews rejecting to see pictures of Virgil. The things you want to forget. How you STUNK at Granddaddy’s funeral. Trying to be helpful? Or that chocolate cake you left sitting in the fridge forever. Can we not talk about food and the man wasting away? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING All Tied Up by Imogen Linn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You, of course, know what one of those things should be, with how I’ve been effing up number 4 plenty. And for you… it’s like when people watch those killers on TV. Well, I’m no killer. See, that right there! Did you forget the crime you committed the original sin? Braxton is dead! Only yesterday morning when I called out to him. I effing forgot. Medications. B takes one every twelve hours and the other every twenty-four. Three pills a day. And there I was, trying to read the long faded labels remembering such failure. That might explain the other crime I was doing. I’m glad you have Virgil sleeping at the foot of the bed. You see him. As for me. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

It’s all been a blur. And I mean worse than Japanese porn. And no, you don’t have any racist connotations to that. You mean in general. Or should you say genitals? Stop for a second, will you? This week you will do far worse. Morning? Again, you forget what happened to Braxton, right? You’re imagining all the sins that are out there. Last night, I even looked up such a person who effed up to try and remind myself not to do those things ever. Hell! All you have to do is look in the mirror. One more reason to miss B III’s eyes, hmm. He always saw you as better. And Virgil? Wondering why he sleeps like you. In dreams, Forget B Nots Virgil.

840 Days Without B III, Day 281 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will