Tag: Episode

Episode 159 ~When’s Your Holiday Will~

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If I could take back everything I’ve said to women, that includes my first cry because I’ve been offending them ever since, how about when Santa lost his way here, and if I ever wake up rested and happy, shocker? “When’s Your Holiday Will?”

Friday, December 7, 2018

Episode 159 ~When’s Your Holiday Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t live in infamy, it doesn’t help you win wars, (Japan), money and women are questionable (Marquis de Sade), and even if you’re proven right, “what’s next” is far stranger than “The End” right (Joseph Seed)? So am I saying become President, what was that about infamy, how about becoming a pornstar, working for FOX News, or even *gasp* a writer, you can always make money off some holiday spirit right?

Infamy, a day that will live as such, how many of the brave died this day so many years ago; I know you’re asking why do I even bring up something like Pearl Harbor, it’s not like I’m doing anyone a service but one more reason I’m a writer, I don’t want to forget. I’m not a great man, a good one, hell sometimes I judge if I’m even alright, especially when it comes to writing but for this moment in time, hell anytime I find myself sitting here, talking to you, any of the girls, the man in the mirror, writing a novel or poem I’m free. Isn’t that worth celebrating, every day I make a choice but here’s the thing and I’ve said this before, things we don’t learn from history we’re doomed to repeat; is that why I’m always writing about the end, something like Kylo Ren:

“The Empire, your parents, the Resistance, the Sith, the Jedi… let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” The Last Jedi

You know I don’t celebrate holidays… my “birthday” in itself made me someone I didn’t want to be; alive, talk about a day I would erase, and then there are the days I can’t, the 5th of November, July 2nd, whenever the Harmonic War began. Seems almost tradition that the worse days of my life always revolve around a girl, even now my work schedule is done by one, I have several women who text me (not that I’m mad about that). I can’t remember when I did my first novel which wasn’t for NaNoWriMo; when’s the last time I got a full night’s sleep, and again with the women when was my last one or first one, long time.

When you can’t remember the day you lost happiness, would you recognize it, hell I remember the last time I had ah, a “release” and every day I resist is a victory not that I can celebrate this week, already failed #1. Even talking to Dear Future Wife my thoughts focus more on the present than the future but you want to know when I’ll party; September 1st when I have my first million, and hopefully I won’t be lying here on December 7th asking again, When’s Your Holiday Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

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Ball gags, panties, and girls to wear them that is me being nice because I want people to shut up for a while, my anxiety spiked today, and it was like I couldn’t breathe, and what was it I wanted in that moment, who knows. “An Air Of Will”

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, want it more than anything else; one of my favorite Motivations is when Eric Thomas, retells the story of Socrates, saying that when you want to succeed as bad as you want that next breath, you’ll be successful. I also remember the Hentai “Isaku” where one of the male leads speaks about what he’s willing to do to have what he wants and considering what he and Isaku do to their victims… there aren’t words.

Well yeah, there are but none I’m in the mood to say despite the WARNING if anything I only wish people would shut up at the moment and while I consider communication a factor to good sex, well part of being a Dom, is the ability to read a submissive. Honestly, BDSM is a lot of paperwork and then Green, Yellow, Red, unless we’re talking about “No Safeword” by Claire Thompson, talk about Dominant goals. Better yet talk about reading goals, that’s what I’m missing right now, delving into literature, again with the Motivations, one said that Bill Gates reads a book a week; if anything that’s what I want.

No Dirty Diana, you would say all I want to do is sleep, one more reason I would prefer a submissive that isn’t a masochist… those tendencies sure, but the worst thing you can do to a masochist is ignoring them. On days like this I would be too wrapped up in my pain, and while I’m not attempting to make Christian Grey out as a decent role model, the sadist in me, making someone feel an iota of the hurt that I endure and then resting in it accepting it. Yeah, I’m not looking for the answer, I want the silence but within it, the tears that I’m not supposed to cry, those breaths I can’t seem to catch, the shading I can’t see on my face, how idiots would say I tried blushing.

Christian was reliving his childhood through his submissives, women who reminded him of his mother; my mom is powerful, intelligent, a survivor; hmm and usually quite apologetic for the men in her life, she would apologize for my “father” forever. My mom could never tell anyone how he hurt her and while I’ll never be a man that harms women as he did, my ravishment fantasies, wanting someone that can shut the hell up under duress, An Air Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 157 ~Willing To Waste Words~

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How I thought I was wasting words with my novel but one week out and the words are still going nowhere except to the wrong people, the day job, a few porn sites and Pinterest must hate me I’m sure. Willing To Waste Words

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Episode 157 ~Willing To Waste Words~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, the question I ask myself every day or at least since September and my first sin for today and why… because when I’m not coming up with an answer, when I’m blabbing away like yesterday to the future wife, and what about TRYING? I’m sure I have told you often that I hate that word, goes right up there with things like “just kidding,” “I’m sorry but,” “that’s interesting,” and of course STUPID, one of these days I’m going to write a list of trigger words.

Funny I use the word trigger because words are like bullets and the fact of the matter is why does one want to use them, I despise hunters, well trophy hunters, don’t give me thoughts and prayers, and while I’m no Republican and I hate the NRA, I don’t want an outright ban. I’m losing my analogy… what I’m saying is, I don’t waste words on the meaningless, I don’t have TIME for that, and yet every single day, even if I’m not talking to people, the words come out and the harm they do regardless. You know I also hate people making noise for no reason, take for example A Quiet Place, and people arguing that the family should have moved to the waterfall or Pontypool because people can’t shut up or die logically.

The thing is this is my story and about my sin so of course, I start with my son, the sins of the father no doubt, I tell him, no, to go lay down, even to shut up and here I am doing all I can because I would not be able to take that silence, my second sin. The third as I said before I have been blabbing away not accomplishing anything because I only want to be done, I want to go back to sleep. So for the fourth one how about when I’m genuinely getting something down, my browser history, Pinterest, Instagram, and any number of porn sites, I know I have looked up much worse things, not to mention my novel…

Words have power Inspector Echo, a few moments ago the word was “Yes” and we know how that word has so many connotations and if you asked me right now what the meaning of that word is, I would tell you guilty of a fifth sin. Can you forgive me for not having a better answer or any worth writing, for not being more careful with “B III,” and letting myself babble away, also I’m building a dictionary of porn and not using Yes for the right reasons because I’m always Willing To Waste Words.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 156 ~Love Can’t Will Time~

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Honestly, it’s not NaNoWriMo making me cry, but I have been so out of it lately, and today I wanted to break down; I swear a shoulder, a lap, in a minute I’ll be like “B III” looking for comfy spots on the anatomy. Love Can’t Will Time

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Episode 156 ~Love Can’t Will Time~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I wish there were time, but I’m too busy making it for someone else which is why I want it so badly, not the money, but the time it takes, can you imagine, especially in these last two months? I can’t be sure about the saying money Can’t Buy Me Love, and I’m not saying you’re Gold Digger (am I dead yet) what I mean is if there were time and there are days I work so hard for a dollar…

I would love you like Bedlam, Pandemonium, the walls of my skull because I would need you to wrap me up in your arms, to have my back, to stay by my side, to keep me in, more than your thoughts and prayers though you are the one person I might believe. Love in itself is a form of insanity, and I hope I never recover but at the same time, the things that are known to hearts and minds, to the soul, people talk about love in terms of forever, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, did I mention I’m a traditionalist? You see love doesn’t have to tell time because it is always there but as I said today, why can’t I be, my head hurts, my heart feels on the verge of shattering, I don’t want to move, my eyes say the soul needs a rest day now.

I want to love you like one of my novels, You’re My Latest Greatest Inspiration, and sometimes I’m going to think you’re the best thing ever, and I can’t wait to tell you anything and everything. Other times I don’t understand anything at all, and I’ll kick myself because I know I should do better and I’m going to look at us and set my alarm for later, I’m going to starve, I’ll count every minute because I can’t go to bed with us like this. As one of my motivations says, greatness takes a lifetime commitment, and that’s what I want for us, this is what I’m willing to give but to love you and to live, how I need more time, more tries, to figure out why having two opposable thumbs makes me wise somehow or another.

Evolution, man, lover, husband, father and then there are times I want to be a boy standing in front of a girl asking her to love him, and sometimes that will be easy and other times like today… I can see more hard days on the horizon but it doesn’t take all day to recognize sunshine as John said in Fear The Walking Dead, finding love even in the apocalypse, so Love Can’t Will Time.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

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Maybe I miss cracking open a good book, eight hours a day doing something you hate is enough to anesthetize one’s heart, and that’s great to keep the monster locked up in his cage I suppose. Are You There, Break Through.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

Sixty-First Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t rob a bank, don’t sell off the things I enjoy, and while I liked gambling on horse races once upon a time, that didn’t exactly pan out in the end. Now I take this rule in several different ways but let’s try two tonight, one is something, someone getting to me and the other is me “trying” to get somewhere but which do you prefer dear Madam Justice?

“My wife used to say I’m a hard man to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn’t know how to show it, that’s all.” Andy Dufresne ― The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Do you know why I admire heroines so much, Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Ember Miller, MacKayla Lane, how about the dozens I read about in erotica, these are women who test the hardest of men and no matter what they take what these men dish out and keep coming. You know what makes me hard Madam Justice and I mean that in a completely non-sexual way… I can already read my tombstone; I need a woman that can break through a mausoleum, walk through hell, I’m the dragon waiting for the princess to “keep” the psycho with the basement, the zombie that wants to come back to life. Damn if that’s not a good story idea and speaking of which why do you think all my stories take place at the end of things; if I was the only boy and she was the only girl sort of way.

“Hearts are wild creatures, that’s why our ribs are cages.”
― Elalusz, Found On Goodreads

Now on the other side of the pillow, when I’m not locked in some stupor, I always feel like I’m on the verge of exploding in rage, bawling my eyes out, or any number of things I want to keep up inside. Take “The Girl in 6E” for example; hell writing is only one more cage to confine myself in, cover to cover as it were because if I let any of those inspirations out; Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku, Mold by Barbell, Vault Girls… “Okay” asked do I fear failure, far from it, if I fear anything it’s that once I let this all go, who I am will disappear forever because it’s as if I need to destroy myself so others can’t do it ever.

I’ve said it enough, I’m a greedy S.O.B. be it pleasure, pain, and power, the thing is I don’t dare to open that door at all Madam Justice, I don’t fear the monster, I want to join him more than anything, but it’s the difference between Alessa and Sharon… (Silent Hill, I use a lot of heroines don’t I?) So I’m sitting here wanting something to come through, but I don’t know if it will be good or evil, right or wrong, choose the form of the destructor and all, what’s one more reference, Destroyed by Pepper Winters “Hazel and Roan” to have such control but something is coming honestly, Are You There, Break Through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ctgn7kKYHo

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 154 ~Well Wish Me, Will~

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I rarely wish anymore; I don’t ask for miracles, wait and hope or more like fear, I can’t tell count how many nightmares I’ve endured, but none of any prophecy as of late, yet I wish to go back to bed and turn off and on my lamp. Well Wish Me, Will.

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Episode 154 ~Well Wish Me, Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, well you don’t wish for it unless you’re the President, some other political party figure, or one of the proles and they each get a dollar even that seems much too much for the President and again the party. Excuse me for getting political, but I know you’re planning on making your million and how to get out of Day Job for it; if November were any indication you’d work, but Retail is Hell on Earth honestly.

Tis the season of wishes, hopes, and dreams and my how they have changed since childhood; most nights you wish for the simple, a clean bathroom, an unfrozen car, for “B III” to live forever, you hope not to be humiliated, you dream you could sleep forever. A suicidal sentiment but to Rest In Peace, shouldn’t we want that every night, shouldn’t we want our breaths, the beats of our hearts, everything good and best to come to us all “Johnny On The Spot.” Of course every week a plan is in place to become a better man and have I, will you be, well according to Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Finish My “NaNoWriMo”
Completed

I wish “Triple B” could talk because the first question I would ask him, is he happy, needs his nails clipped, medication time is constantly in flux, a bath would be good, a few other incidentals but he’s lying here on vacation. Three authors aren’t worried about anything I have to say and contrary to the opinion of NaNoWriMo, the world doesn’t need your novel, and something worse than a 17.5 F isn’t going to make you feel any better. Plan for this week but why bother, you’re busy being a prole, gambling on the probability, the possibility, of dealing with fewer people when you need only deal with one and his Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Always the wish is to be a better Will than yesterday, to show tomorrow what is coming so maybe one day your “magic lamp” the one sitting on your nightstand is minuscule compared to everything else; my the wishes we have made, to wake up, watch TV, wonder. Yes, wonder and not plan on the future when the walls come tumbling down, to have the power to make your dreams become a reality and yet serve every Master but yourself, how you make their dreams come to fruition, so they do, Well Wish Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 153 ~Will Is Back Alright~

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You did not take up to be mediocre, even if you’re on your back all day your eyes are wide freaking open, and you know what you are, an actress, a superhero, working for NASA perhaps and I am a writer. “Will Is Back Alright.”

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Episode 153 ~Will Is Back Alright~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well there was an experiment with NASA where I could be paid thousands to stay on my back for a few months; trust me like white people don’t want to be black, I don’t want to be a girl but if I were a pretty one I’d do porn. Of course, guys do porn too but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards, and how much has “B III” made just lying here. Free room and board, medical care, he has me rubbing his belly and head on most days.

Lying on my back is not my purpose, and I did not wake up to mediocre, so why did I wake up at all… walk “Triple B” (it was raining), his medication, check the “War Room” the battle goes well, you are what you eat (Chicken) and talking to you. Sometimes I ask myself, have I always been like this; when I was trying to end my life, taking sleeping pills, painkillers, one every half hour because you know I’m a stickler for time, there was my reason for staying in bed hurting. Now I stay in bed merely trying to recover, and that means nothing is getting done, besides novels, naughty fantasies, and counting what will never happen ever.

Not all heroes don capes, but a lot do because they know who they are, others believe in who the people protected might be someday, and others want to know how strong their enemy is and know they can’t fall back, their backs to the wall. Another benefit is heroes fight back to back so they know who they can trust, villains always worry about knives, so at least evil is forever on their toes, but my point is they are awake and alive. November was about the walking dead (my version of them), whores, and wakefulness; so why do I only want more, falling to me is akin to failure, and I continually return to one of my Motivations where Eric Thomas quoting 50 Cent says, sleep is for those people who are broke.

You know I can complain about money, but for longer than that I haven’t only been “broke” I’ve been dead, and I can’t imagine who I was before, and if I go back let’s say to October, I wasn’t exactly living either. Zombies wake up to feed, and that’s it, though I might be a “Whisperer,” yeah waking up to watch The Walking Dead, my most active time, death is when one feels the most alive and if I could be that guy every moment screaming Will Is Back Alright.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 152 ~Certified Wrimo, Winner, Will~

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NaNoWriMo ends today but I won yesterday so yay me I suppose but what do I do tonight, get to bed early and cherish the knowledge I don’t have the day job in the morning… funny. Certified Wrimo, Winner, Will, and more, not to brag

Friday, November 30, 2018

Episode 152 ~Certified Wrimo, Winner, Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well publishing a book might help but I don’t know if “Indiana Gone’s” faith is strong enough and I know for sure that mine isn’t counting this is my second November NaNoWriMo and I did two camps this year. As it has been with every novel that I have set to paper I am left with the same question, a somewhat sane one and that is, what do I do now; tonight, I’m feeling pretty lazy.

Nothing to do but talk to you and you ask me do I feel reluctant, resistant, or even ready and as much as I love writing… I must right, I must write, how does one prepare themselves to bare their soul, to say bleed, to purge? I’m not one to throw my soul into the ether; I’m not a woman (yeah that’s sexist right), I’m not a psycho, police office, private, or president, too much media nowadays am I right. What I am with every day is exhausted sadly; which is more damaging Lady Sophia, doing what you hate or doing what you love barley because you don’t have anything left, with my Motivations “Purpose.”

This isn’t over Lady Sophia, even now the ideas continue to flow, “B III” is going to be the business partner in my novel and also a WEREWOLF for example, I think the four parts split will be between the classes of “Escorts” The Songstress Class, The Dead Heads, and The Elysium Class. I will also have dog sayings such as “And They Call It Puppy Love,” “Dog Eat Dog,” “Raining Cats And Dogs” And “Every Dog Has It’s Day” when did a story about a brothel become about my four-legged son, I’d never abandon him for any woman no doubt. The entire third act will be about the past which means the whole tale will be getting bigger, ha tail, heart disease and in the words of Warm Bodies:

Maybe that’s it; while I can tell you everything that I want, once I get everything written it doesn’t even matter, my confession, my confections, and like “Cherry,” I hate making “corrections” or editing, but I also understand the purpose of it. It won’t be tonight, probably not tomorrow, I’m going to waste so much time but for now, can I not bask in the thought that I am now a Certified Wrimo, Winner, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 151 ~Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will~

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Buttons, Zippers, Tentacles, oh my did I finish one more novel tonight, but I don’t pay for sex, maybe some women will… am I that confident that my book will sell? “Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will,” nope not honestly but my hands are free now.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Episode 151 ~Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, how much do women get to take their clothes off, whatever it is, they probably make more than their male counterparts and talk about a job I would do for free. Tonight though the only buttons that I’m taking apart are my laptop’s and with another Fifty Thousand words in the hole, I’m surprised this thing hasn’t fallen apart much like my sanity for No Nut November, a failure right?

Not NaNoWriMo though, after I mean, clearing my mind I finished the last nine hundred words and I couldn’t zip my lips from bragging about it, even now I’m thinking about all the ladies I wish would open up, the MILF, this portrait I’ve become obsessed with, a fellow writer that I know. Seriously I need some handcuffs, but I would use them for all the wrong reasons; as you know, I’m not one for leather or even rope. Fucking with clothes on or using a girl’s clothing in some exciting ways, panty gags, tied up with bras, and why I continuously attest to being a breast man, hiking up skirts and dresses, nice legs… Yeah my BDSM tendencies aren’t going anywhere, one more thing about being in control, which is why I’m a writer, I have one word for you, “Tentacles,” to this day I still remember how I discovered Hentai, Princess Ayeka *drools*

A guy can dream can’t he and isn’t that what I’m doing because who am I to say what erotica does to women… that’s something worth looking up beside other things men are always looking to press women on, publishing, in their bachelor pads, and making porn. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s getting so cold outside, you know I’m only looking forward to Winter for one reason, and yeah I won’t be pressing so many buttons late into the night, at least not these anyway. Lately, every button I’ve pressed has been something terrible, my novel, a can of bug spray, cutting on the defroster in the car because yes I drive yet one more ice cube these days.

Zippers are no good, my coat, bags of candy, and when I do have to put on my jeans I won’t be going anywhere fun, but I’m going to see what movies are playing anyway because I’ve got the time. Well, maybe not if I expect to make that million dollars and already I have to spend money on my clothes, my winner’s T-shirt, a new hoodie, nothing that makes the panties drop because, Dirty Diana, Buttons, Zippers, Tied Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 150 ~Will Took So Long~

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It’s a little earlier tonight, but I still won’t be getting a full night’s sleep, eight hours, six, funny, but if I even get three and tomorrow I should be done with NaNoWriMo, one more novel but honestly *sigh* Will Took So Long.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Episode 150 ~Will Took So Long~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, is a year too long to wait, three months in, I’ve nearly written a novel in one, and when’s the last time I ever accomplished my list of six impossible things though if all goes well tomorrow… When’s the last time I got over five hours of sleep in a row, how about when I last did laundry, or I felt completely safe in this house; do any of these equate as sins or should I blame NaNoWriMo for it all?

No Inspector Echo that in itself is one sin that I’m looking to blame anything else other than me with anything that’s going on but if you want another crime, it’s that I’m “TRYING” you know how much I hate that word because it’s not doing. Perhaps a third sin, taking life lessons from Star Wars but am I different with my novel which should count as a fourth sin because it is indeed the worse thing I have ever written and why did it take me a month to realize that? How about the idea that I’m sleeping too much after work, never five hours though this would be the fifth sin but why am I staying up all hours of the night right?

“Indiana Gone” might count the fact that I never have any faith in myself but at this point what else do I have to give, other than to work, my writing, and the small amount of sanity I’m grappling onto and you know what I’m holding exactly, not books, beauties, or a full stomach. Hell, I still have plenty to eat, but at this point in life I smell like potato chips and work, even this morning I gained twenty minutes of sleep as I skipped a shower, I washed up in the sink, still had to get to the day job always. That’s seven right, the eighth is the fact that I’m not looking at the positive, tomorrow all that is required is a final nine hundred words, this weekend may be quite shiny if not for the immense cold, and Youtube’s musical selection has been doing wonders to keep me going despite everything.

A ton of forgiveness you’d believe right but still forgive me for blaming NaNoWriMo, where would I be without it. I’m sorry for more trying and less doing. Why can’t Yoda be a hero, only I’m more Vader wouldn’t you say? My apologies for horrible writing and my terrible sleep schedule, my lack of faith, for giving into every vice, sloth, and lust for the most part, and finally for who knows, finding success and saying, Will Took So Long.

I Will Have No Fear