Tag: Fear

Log 243 ~You Willie A Critic~

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Doesn’t The Bible say something about judging others, and I’ve seen parts that would give certain paysites a run for their money with the raunchiness to be sure, and here I am saying I would never be a man of God. “You Willie A Critic”

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Log 243 ~You Willie A Critic~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s not for being funny. It’s not for being smart, a Republican, or even myself. Now, if it was for being STUPID, that’s the only reason I would give the money back. Lady Lu, I can’t stand STUPIDITY for its own sake ever. To this day, I wouldn’t mind being as controversial as the Marquis de Sade. It’s been a long day since I have felt this fire burning inside me to write. For two days straight, I have forgone naps because of this story.

“A Sin Full Of Cherry,” and no, I’m not thinking about changing the name. Facebook made that abundantly clear, and why am I so mad? As Metallica screamed, “Gimme fuel Gimme fire, Gimme that which I desire,” and I need it Lady Lu. These past few days have been all about rage at everything. It feels like everything is falling away. You also know how I like my list. The Den is still HUMMING. The toilet seat is still useless in the half bath. One of my cars still isn’t working, and the radio in my second car has gone silent. How about that, the one place I want some silence is loud and where I need noise I get quiet. Well, it has given me more than enough time to listen to Audible. Only today (Wednesday), I finished listening to The Gargoyle. Now I’ve moved onto Beauty and The Professor. Oh, I also made a playlist for my novella, not much yet to share.

Let me tell you this. I’m not reading today; I want to work on my book. Am I that weak Lady Lu for you know who? How can a writer be as such, we create worlds and people; you think I was going to mention God? Well, I did make my character a Minister. Once upon a time, there was this church lady who told me I would become a minister. I’m sure this isn’t what she had in mind. How many times have I said it, build paradise, be surrounded by pretty “angels.” While also like My Dæmon, finding a multitude of comfy spots and never getting up until hunger demands. However, with his face, he’s never going hungry, and as for me, Lady Lu? Well, my life isn’t the most prolific thing of all, but how many stars?

No, You Willie A Critic?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 242 ~Will Of Old Men~

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You don’t talk they tell me and when I do, shut up, I don’t write I say and when I do block, delete trash, so of course, my best friend would be someone who can neither talk nor read. “Will Of Old Men, mine is to write.”

Friday, February 28, 2020

Log 242 ~Will Of Old Men~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be like everyone else and pay for silence. Right now, I’ll admit I can barely hear the humming my head is brimming with ideas. Today I know, the last Friday of February (Tuesday honest), I should be listening to My Dæmon’s loud barks. We’ll get to it, don’t you worry, but I had sort of a melding of the minds with Cherry this afternoon. You remember as I had with my Big Sister, but she’s in Australia. For want of a woman, and I’m talking to one in England. Good news, NaNoWriMo’s ready.

It’s hard keeping all of my stories together, but I believe my next one won’t be part of the series. Should I tell you the one that starred My Dæmon, albeit Transmogrified? I don’t even remember if I gave that novel a name. Well Lady Sophia, as with the rest of them it always begins or ends in some brothel. My Old Man is a horndog in every sense, but getting him neutered? If you told me way back then that it could buy him more time, I would have considered it. Am I typing too loud, or does he know because he took off upstairs? He’ll return, he always does. I see plenty of writers talk about cats, but my kid is the perfect writing companion. Don’t get me wrong, though; I’m starting to get like Marianne Engel from The Gargoyle. She’s the sculptress of grotesques; I’m the narrator of filth, excuse me pornography.

Now that leads me to talk about Cherry. I mused that she and I should write together and she said yes. Don’t get excited, Lady Sophia, you know how I get about group projects unless you’re an Australian mom. Cherry is much too tame (sleeping with a corpse). I’m also well, me (everything you’re going to do before making a corpse and after). So while she is working on The Cherry Chronicles, I’ll be writing a novella as well. A Minister, a mom, a Millennial, and a Man walk into a church, hmm. Sounds like the start of some bad joke, plus she’s no Millennial, truth be told I am. Anyway, will this be an Erotica? You know me so well, Lady Sophia but 12,540 words. I’m a stickler for math and alliteration. To write today, Will Of Old Men.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 241 ~Call Him Iron Will~

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I’m no blacksmith, do they even call it that anymore, the only metals I’m concerned with these days besides My Dæmon’s collar ring is the nickels and dimes I have and what do I usually spend those on, it’s hard not to. “Call Him Iron Will.”

Thursday, February 27, 2020

Log 241 ~Call Him Iron Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and do you know why? Bucks, Broads, Bullets, and dare I say Biology. I am not my “Father” I don’t beat women or small furry kids. Okay, yes, I hit my sister, it’s called having a sibling. My Dæmon did see the business end of a rolled-up newspaper, but I never kicked him at the door. Okay, before I sound any more like the dude from “The Room,” this leaves Bucks and Broads. I’ve never seen people harder than when they’re defending their money and the desire for more. Men are supposed to be hard for any number of reasons. You know me, though; I’m usually talking about my penis.

It’s Day Two of NO FAP; of course, the goal is seven days like I’m a damn drug addict. If I didn’t mention it before, Sunday night, it was Anna Vlasova, aka Alissa Angel. There was also the woman in the red dress; no, not that one. At least she knows a guy FAPS to her, which isn’t a compliment? I’m trying Dirty Diana, hell I’m listening to The Gargoyle and that’s told from a narrator that has no dick. I’m even going to reread it, so ask me why I’m looking up Audible books from the Erotica genre. Why am I going to cut our conversation short tonight so I can work on a snippet of Apocalypse Rush? If I’m not “holding on” to my “Iron Will,” I need something else, anything else. I hate being gross, hell, if I wanted an excuse to keep my head up, it’s feet. Now that is a fetish, and I’ll never understand, not judging. Fuck Me Pumps, Boots, Frilly Socks, yes please but bare feet Hell No.

No, I didn’t forget about black pantyhose and thigh high stockings now that’s a dangerous road. Okay, speaking of which, I haven’t been playing any games (DAMN DEN HUMMING). I’ve been watching play-throughs. You remember Detroit: Become Human and the Eden Club. Sexbots, sexbots, do you want me to break out Tom Jones’s “Sex Bomb.” Anyway, the Internet being what it is talked about sex dolls and talk about something hard to get around. Real Dolls and Piper Dolls. One more thing to add to my empire when I buy my first brothel, an idea.

Like calling myself Willie Long Stroke; Call Him Iron Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 240 ~Will And The Sirens~

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Strange isn’t that I bring up the singing of Sirens when I only unclogged my ears a few days ago, and I have to keep my head full of things, or I worry, but somehow I’m having no trouble sleeping but am I resting? “Will And The Sirens”

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Log 240 ~Will And The Sirens~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what do they say of a fool and his money? Well, I’m not looking to spend any of it right this second. Tonight’s addiction (Sunday) is brought to you by The Walking Dead. Didn’t I bring up obsession a few days ago? I’ve gone mad with thoughts of the Dead. Before the humming, it was all Far Cry 5. Earlier it was Detroit: Become Human. Sad to say this evening, it was Anna Vlasova, aka Alissa Angel. As always, if you look her up, that’s your fault; also a red “bosom” dress, thank you Cherry.

With the course of my life, I have felt sway by a great many things. Nine times out of ten, there’s a girl involved. Even here and now Inspector Echo is because some girl wrecked me and yes I deserved it. Ironic, I talked about Dear Future Wife as a wrecking crew. Do you remember the year I spent writing to; well, you can look it up, but Cherry told me, “the things men pay for,” right? I wasn’t paying for anything I was only hoping for a free one and talk about an investment. How about investing in reading and writing? Inspector Echo I finished Siren by Hazel Grace, and that brings about this train of thought. My desires, this jonesing, a man’s primal instincts, and how dare I blame nature. Do I deny it? Well, I’m not reading something that feeds my “pornographic passion.” The Gargoyle, Andrew Davidson.

Only tonight, I’m not reading at all because I gave into sleep. Inspector Echo, sleep if anything holds back my FEAR if the next moment. What happened to replace Greed with Sloth. Excuse this language, but Jesus Christ, money has nothing on me, not being afraid. Now that brings up a sick “affliction,” no, not that one, or something else, but I’m talking about working the Day Job. I can’t “get it up” to help myself, but tell me I’m going to miss a day of work? Again this place has lasted closing in on three years, but the Day Job is eight years and counting. You’ve heard me talk about being FREE, of setting my course. Only I’m like a sailor being sung to, headed towards my destruction. Someone said that satisfaction is the death of desire. Let It Go; Will And The Sirens.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

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Is the BBQ that good, am I so concerned about a few extra cents in my bank account, and why I’m not afraid of the dark, I still hate driving at night, but then you ask how do I go out on dates. I’m the Beast, so where’s Beauty. “It Scares You Do It.”

Monday, February 24, 2020

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

Hundred And Twenty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that makes life a whole lot easier. Now I won’t lie to you Madam Justice, my “obsession” with money is a cover for FEAR. You know I’m always one to trade one vice for another. I choose LUST over WRATH. Let me have GREED over SLOTH. Last night I took to GLUTTONY over ENVY. Okay, so what about PRIDE. Madam Justice this leads me to today’s lesson, what am I afraid of; well everything but we don’t have that kind of time. While I was out though last night, I did have thoughts of “Rainbow Girl.”

You remember her, The Rainbow Girl. How I twice asked her out (online) to dinner and a movie. So there I was last night it’s been a full year since she blocked me, of course. Anyway, I’m picking up BBQ in the dead of night, and I can hardly breathe. What about Indiana Gone’s Wedding. I won’t say I love the girl, and in truth, I was angry. Madam Justice, I was mad I had to drive 750+ Miles to her wedding, facing highways, the FEAR of my Olds, and losing money. For some reason, though, I thought I was going to meet a girl. Let me tell you a story about Cherry. I work my Day Job; I have so many novels, poetry, a whole blog. Only I’m writing poetry and short stories for her Madam Justice. I’m reading her work because that’s what she wants. Oh, and how I listen to her about her greatest love of all.

Noticing a pattern, well, maybe not, but I was hungry last night, and I chose to eat well rather than grab a burger. I would go all out for a woman. An opportunity would temper my anger. I work harder rather than stay in bed, and yes, Madam Justice, I made my bed today. Women make me brave, but why not show any PRIDE? I cannot contain my FEAR, and I do not FEAR any woman. Well, except my Mom, she’ll kick my “butt” if I don’t vote. Remember to VOTE people; we must stop Trump and his legion of sycophants and Bloomberg too. What scares me Madam Justice is myself, my desires. My “Dom-Hood,” the dangerous disease called LOVE.

It scares me to be me, so what’s the rule, It Scares You, Do It.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 237 ~Most WONderful Time Will~

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I’ve added more noise to the bombardment of my psyche, and that’s the tick-tock of the clock. I have so much time and then so little. Where does it all go in the end? Into doing nothing? “Most WONderful Time Will,” but not forever

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Log 237 ~Most WONderful Time Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you, not so much. Now that’s not me being negative, Cherry said I was, but you know the words of King Ezekiel. How about the concepts of Dale Carnegie? At this point, I’m more into Andrew Davidson, and you will be too. You should also save some money for another book from Audible, STUPID Audible. Not that I’m one to talk, and you won’t be either, we don’t have the time. Should I say I don’t have the energy, and I got paid, so what about a store run in so many days? I made it to the loveseat, that’s enough.

Let’s talk about another dirty word, FEAR. No wonder I’ve been paralyzed for months. Again not being negative but facts, one car doesn’t work. The HUMMING has gone on for a full month almost. A few minutes ago, the downstairs toilet seat broke. All these things and I instead choose to write. How about that ladder I was planning on buying? Today is not a good day to die, well except by starvation. What about a lack of sleep? I’ve had all the time in the world and still haven’t gone to bed before 1:00 AM. Even My Dæmon is growing concerned, or he’s annoyed, and I don’t blame him. Why so fixated on the Tick Tock of the clock these days. Oh, I can finally hear it, you’re welcome. You know I don’t like being gross, but I took out a massive chunk of Earwax a few days ago. Better now to hear my failings at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace
    Failed

I blame #1 on writing that Erotica “Now C Here My Senses, or was it looking at some “inspiration?” Fortunately, I don’t have time to write a million excuses. Only if you want me to be negative, this week is going to suck. As far as today goes, again, I’m still contemplating getting up and going to get food. I yelled at a BBQ place over a burger. I’m still waiting for something from Indiana Gone, not her fault. In a way, I need all the problems to forget about the Norton and H&R Block mess, being grateful. So it’s not Valentine’s anymore, I don’t drink, and I hate most jokes. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Making The Bed Every Morning No Matter What
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace

These motivations say you did not wake up to be mediocre; Most WONderful Time Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 236 ~Will You Say Hi~

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I don’t get high anymore, which is the last of my vices as far as putting things into my body, well other than loads of sugar, I do need something to keep up, ladders, ladies, and loads of words because I rather not speak. “Will You Say Hi”

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Log 236 ~Will You Say Hi~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you have to be crazy to pull that off. Now don’t get me wrong, Lady Lu, I’m less crazy than most. Not that I’m trying to distinguish between madness like Silver Linings Playbook. One of these days, I’m going to give a brief lesson on morality to show why I’m not a Trump Supporter. Let me be honest, though; standing with Trump is more STUPIDITY than insanity. I hate saying that because I know a few Trumpers. Those same people would call me everything under the sun, so I understand.

So let’s start across the pond. Part of the reason I’m a bit late talking to you is that I’ve been writing. Oh, is that what I call it Lady Lu? It’s not every day you can tell someone every “dirty” thought in your head. Ahh, the wonders of Erotica. While I’m busy writing it, I haven’t been reading. By now (Thursday), I should have finished Siren by Hazel Grace. Right now, much like Davina’s lovers, I can’t breathe. It’s always the same with any good story; I’ll do anything not to finish. It’s real Lady Lu, even a moment ago. Indiana Gone has me looking forward to something that still hasn’t arrived. A few minutes ago, I saw the FedEx guy deliver a package to another house. Now I know it’s not mine, but I want to go over like I’m a Porch Pirate.

Better I do something crazier like, climbing the roof, for example, hold up a minute? Please excuse me; I’ve started watching a lot of “Girlfriend Reviews” on YouTube lately but back to Amazon. If I’m not buying books, waiting on packages, why not look for a ladder. Am I that eager to die, like when I sent that girl a bustier with my name on it, what the hell? I’ve told you before I don’t seem to be learning from history, which takes me right back to writing that story for Cherry. Am I going to share that with everyone? For all I know, her father is hopping on a plane to come after me at some point. I have a hell of a time dealing with people at the Day Job. Still, you know what’s driving me up the walls. The humming won’t stop.

Only I sooner not greet anyone; Will You Say Hi?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 235 ~Dizzying Heights Of Will~

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I’m not scared of heights, well high prices, giving in to specific addictions, and the pitch my son makes if and when he gets into trouble, but I also keep my word count up, well maybe not today. “Dizzying Heights Of Will,” I keep climbing.

Friday, February 21, 2020

Log 235 ~Dizzying Heights Of Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why am I starving. At this moment, I have $45.00 in my wallet, so that’s solved. $10.00 for gas, $15.00 for “redistribution,” and $20.00 directly to find a new place to eat. My two favorite restaurants closed, but come on, why not get a burger or something. Am I still ticked off at Audible for cheating me out of $5.00? For the record, I was buying Think and Grow Rich. Now also something you should know, who’s not starving, my little pancake; how he eats.

My Dæmon always has food, while I’m going without because I’m a Scrooge. Don’t get me wrong, Lady Sophia, I’m nobody’s charity case as I want to scream at the Day Job. If anything, I’m super selfish when it comes to myself. Okay, so I “buy” plenty of Pornography. I need to get comfortable with that word since I do intend to be a pornographer in one of my business ventures. Come on now, Lady Sophia, if Andrew Davidson’s character in The Gargoyle can say it plenty, why can’t I?

That’s what I’ve been doing at work, listening to The Gargoyle on Audible. One more book I bought while I was getting cheated. It’s one of my favorites to read and speaking of which, I’m still reading Siren: A Dark Retelling by Hazel Grace. I’m heading into that dangerous portion. Where I’m not sure, I should continue, like Chloe warning me in Detroit: Become Human.

One more game I’m not playing because of the “DANG” humming coming from the Den. I left a note for the neighbors, but they might not be the root cause. Talk about things I regret writing because aren’t I supposed to be talking about my son. Anyway, I was dizzy at the Day Job today (Tuesday) from lack of food, seriously I have cash, why not eat? In any case, my son, once upon a time, got so dizzy. He couldn’t jump, was having trouble walking, etc. It turns out there was a tick in his ear. Well, of course, I called the vet and set up an appointment the next day. I carried My Dæmon everywhere for hours, but he still wanted to walk, what a trooper. At the vet, his crying when they pulled out the tick, maddening.

I’m not scared of heights, none but his high wailing so, Dizzying Heights Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 234 ~Enough Will To Love~

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The lesser of two evils and no good to be shown, though to some marriage and a “vanilla” lifestyle is enough, but what is it that I want in the end, well is there even a finale to be seen ever? “Enough Will To Love”

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Log 234 ~Enough Will To Love~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I haven’t said it before, “two girls at the same time.” Now I wouldn’t need a billion for that and maybe not even a million, but it’s still on my to-do list. What guy doesn’t want to do two girls, minus the gay ones? Anyway, if it isn’t two girls, it’s the fact that I can’t keep my mind on any one kink or fetish. Do you remember my “Red Dawn” Fantasy? Virgin Killer Sweaters meet The Purge. Hell, even the Day Job isn’t helping, I go from American Teen Lily Carter to Fake Driving School Estella Bathory.

I work with what I have Dirty Diana, retail, and driving. If today weren’t about sex, though, I would be in bed. My bed’s not big enough and while I enjoy BBW’s no doubt. A “Skinny Minnie,” as Cherry calls them and a BBW, well, that’s a thought. In one of my novels, the Male Protagonist has his way with a mother and her daughter. If he doesn’t, I’m writing it in there because I imagined Haley Pullos. Fucking an older and younger woman, now that would be something. A mother and daughter, what about sisters? I’ve had a thing for Mia Rose forever and her sister Ava. Talk to me about twins Dirty Diana. Is there any wonder I wanted Alice Little and Ruby Rae, not twins but two redheads? You want to know what’s worrisome, the two girls fight, and the Necro concept.

Didn’t I speak a few days ago about the taboo? What do you get when you take girls like Little Lupe and the end of the world? One of my favorite anime series, that’s what. I paid $20.00 and will probably shell out more when the time comes. Now, this might sound quite common but “Public Sex,” which in turn goes back into clothes. I swear, will I ever get black pantyhose off my mind? How many times have I mentioned Fechikano these days, along with humming and violence? I say I want to hit somebody I’m wrong, I want to fuck, it’s the same thing. People want to like an inch of me, and it’s that damn inch I hate about myself. I want someone, someones to desire me, love me, in my totality, or I’m a greedy S.O.B.

I’m rough, I fuck hard but Enough Will To Love?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

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I can’t say that I have many friends and as I told a girl at the “Day Job,” if you say that I don’t like you, well wish granted. I like making women happy, but being a man and all how do I feel about myself. “Friend Like Me, Will”

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Disney properties. Well, couldn’t you tell that from the title? I’m going to be hard-pressed to explain buying stock in it with everything else I want to have. Anyway, today isn’t about ignoring stock options but people. Now, of course, I could teach a master class in this, and I won’t apologize for my views on people. Okay, maybe on women, but that’s business. I respect women on a personal level but in my markets? Inspector Echo I have two words, “Pure Taboo,” and if you look that up, it’s your fault. One day, I’ll have a studio like that honestly, no doubt.

Let’s start with today, and the new normal is I’m a few days ahead. Right now, it’s Sunday the 16th, but I have things to do. Do you say I should go talking to the neighbors about the HUMMING/BUZZING/VIBRATING? I did leave them a note; isn’t that a shocker? What about the people I do know? Indiana Gone and I were all blah in our texts. When it comes to M Anime and Cherry, I’m still a man possessed, so I try to be careful. It’s not panning out as well as I hoped. I continue to dream of black pantyhose on a certain girl; thank you, “Fechikano!” How about having to deal with my “Father” last week? My Dæmon stayed in his bed, either old or scared, that I wasn’t here to protect him. Yes, like a Witch’s Dæmon, I know my “His Dark Materials” folklore. Still, when I see my father that’s like, eat me, said the cake to Alice. He’s no friend.

What about what I have been neglecting to mention for days on end? How little I have spoken of Valentine’s Day. Yes, I still believe there is some girl out there that I might have left lonely. As the song goes, how could you be so heartless? If only I had a voice like Eddie Holman, “Hey There Lonely Girl.” Now I continue to believe money talks, so who am I speaking to these days? Let’s say, more creators in the adult entertainment industry. A cosplayer here or there and what was that about Pure Taboo. I know much worse Inspector Echo, of course, the kind Norton warns of nowadays.

That’s what I’m sorry for now, Friend Like Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear