Tag: Honesty

Episode 122 ~Sin What Will’s Reading~

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Last week it was voting and the erotica reading group I belong to votes every month, and I’m still trying to catch up and dare I say it write another book, because I don’t burn them, trashed one maybe two. Sin What Will’s Reading.

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Episode 122 ~Sin What Will’s Reading~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, stop spending all my money on books, how about my new plan of reading one before I start writing for the day and hell I have four books ready to go so why not get one published. Tonight is for monsters being Halloween and all; perhaps you think I should be talking to Lady Sophia as well between reading and being the eve of NaNoWriMo but let’s focus more on my sins involving books thus far.

My first two experiences with drugs happened by accident, one on Halloween night and the other with a book on Vietnam; I wasn’t “poisoned per se, but while I never got cut by some razor blade or needle in my candy, I got a nice dose of LSD, so why the trust issues? Now the book, which I can’t even remember the title came from me saying “I need to get high,” figure of speech or friend selling me a dime bag of weed and hiding it in my book, I mean I did pay him after all, just saying.

This night makes me feel young a bit. While I was still in school, I often used books to hide because I couldn’t use my Walkman. Seriously what’s my age again but anyway I became quite visible when some stupid bitch threw my copy of “The Amber Spyglass” at another girl, no such thing as Kindle because if there were… God help her. I also discovered the first book I could never finish; I think it was called The Moonstone, added to that list are “Lord of the Flies” and The Bible though I have read through several books including John and Revelation of course.

Being an adult though, and here’s a doozy of a sin, I read “Fifty Shades of Grey” now I’ve always had a taste for BDSM but when I read that book *sigh* it was an awakening for me somewhat, as I began studying BDSM in earnest, and it’s damn well-been erotica ever since. You see my “father” never gave me “The Talk” so my first look at sex was all the Hentai I could print but that doesn’t help in the real world ever, though I made quite a collage.

My sexual experiences were somewhat, subdued because I didn’t understand my cravings, Sadism, Ravishment, I didn’t know about contracts, SSC or RACK so I began studying, here’s the thing though, guys that read period are nerds, the man cave instead of the study or we’re perverted because this stuff is female porn. So Lady Sophia, forgive me for books distracting me, being used as drug mules, for not defending them or giving up and for being both a nerd and creep, but honestly not being prepared for NaNoWriMo tonight because *sigh* Sin What Will’s Reading.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 121 ~Will, I Never, Again~

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I’m so confused, or maybe I’m a hypocrite as long as I’m not my dad, I want more money and a much bigger heart, and I might have that, never say never as it’s fun to still dream about sometimes. Will, I Never, Again

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Episode 121 ~Will, I Never, Again~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I suppose I’ll start by never buying drinks for myself, saves a few dollars but if I were to believe the media, the marketplace, and “mates” women do nothing but drink, and then there’s you maybe? Yeah, I can’t hold my liquor, I don’t like coffee, and cigarettes are disgusting, of course, I’ve never smoked… a “cigarette” but I will never, thanks to my father, strangely enough, doesn’t get enough credit.

How I’ll never have children that are afraid of me, hell I see that with my first born, granddad didn’t spoil him bunches and didn’t think much of me either or my mother for that matter. You’ve undoubtedly noticed that’s why I like to maintain control, mostly myself but probably why I’m so protective of you, the kids, our home because I will never lose control as he did, the man he became because of his rage. You wonder why we don’t necessarily visit my side of the family and that’s a conversation for another time, but I will never have their sort of past for us, and here I sit wanting the option of a lot of money, making up for everything; who am I to complain, I benefited.

Only I know I will never let money become more important than love. Indeed it could never match, I’ve worked forever and a day but with all those hours the twenty seconds it took to talk to you the first time… I can guarantee I will never be going through that again, and now suddenly I think that’s an insult, I’ve talked to plenty of women, and while I’ll never be a man of faith when I met you, I can’t explain it. God, fate, somehow, someway I found you, and I can’t ever imagine feeling that again, never, about anything else. Well okay, the first time I held Triple B; when I saw our two-legged kids. When I was ready to cut a guy to protect myself, it never gets easier to say I love myself but loving you, that’s as easy as breathing.

How you can love the man I am, and I think I’ve changed from the guy I was but you’ve never loved another like me, and I will never want another like you, I choose you always and forever. There’s no comparing the things I will never do to the things I’ve done; the two of us together, never say never, love will never stop being so confusing am I right? Will, I Never, Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

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I don’t bother to introduce myself; I won’t even say hello because if the conversation goes further than that, do you care how I am, should I care how you are, sooner or later you’ll lie to yourself about me. Don’t Make Their Lies True

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

Fifty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, the first bit of change but why should I, you know it’s never me wanting to fit in, it’s what’s left inside me, and then I don’t recognize who I am anymore, yet one more reason I avoid mirrors.

Last week I talked about writing a decent sentence but how many people have seen that coming from me, no instead I believed the first lie from my “father” and that was “stupid” everything about me. Madam Justice I don’t want to be a downer today but isn’t ironic that with lies you can be president but the truth can put you in prison regardless of guilt or innocence, I heard again I was stupid in my “home,” and thus I became it. So I’ve spent my life wanting to be everything but, I read every day, I attempted to join Mensa, hell I don’t know how many books I’ve written, but I struggle with such small tasks making my father and everyone else smarter.

In the flesh, I am ugly, and like the Phantom, Quasimodo, or Cyrano de Bergerac, I began to wear masks, I hide upstairs; my downstairs barely has furnishings, and I don’t bother to fix the doorbell; how about the fact that I hide behind words? I don’t check mirrors because there is no point, I wear hoodies and dark colors, I keep earphones on always, the music a feeble attempt to drown out the lie that is becoming the truth.

Of course, I can’t neglect this, let’s say half-truth that got me here talking to you… how many times will I return to this; I was acting skeevy and creepy to a girl, fair enough, I started talking to Lady Lu and next thing you know I’m a stalker. Now if comparing a girl to Brazzers or Reality Kings is one thing, I get the same damn reaction if I write something sweet, of course, when “gentlemen” pay me for my words, they get girls panties to drop quick. Even now you might say I sound bitter, to one girl I’m too sweet, to another I attempt to nail her whenever she comes by, but my point is I don’t know my truth as I’m in many lies and falsehoods.

With that on repeat having never known myself since the cradle, believing and knowing I was worthless, nothing, and stupid and having the world echo that well… it started with one man and a bitch here or there; it can end with one man, me, that’s if I figure out who I am one day, Don’t Make Their Lies True.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 119 ~On The Willing End~

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I was willing two work on two off days, to give myself a massive case of blue balls, to stare into my darkest temptations, let’s say choosing Silver *shudder* over Gold but what does it take to win. “On The Willing End” no, live on “the winning end.”

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Episode 119 ~On The Willing End~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe I should tell you that “dad” is going to come by here and kick your ass, after all, it worked in summer school, you’re still here after all those years. What about catching feelings at work, the last time that happened, the 5th of November, nearly got you fired, not to mention turned you off of black women, well she was more Zoë Kravitz, Alicia Keys looking and it’s not like white women are any better.

We’ve talked about this forever but what got you back to these conversations hmm; you start talking to some cute brunette but you compared her to a porn company, and now you spend time trying to prove you’re not skeevy, sleazy, or sex-crazed, how’s that going? You can ask the other brunette that was sitting on the couch that you felt up, what’re those two words, treating women with “dignity and respect,” which leads to “stop, no, and don’t” NOT or “I’m sorry” or “asking forgiveness rather than permission.” One of these days you’re going to have to write down all these trigger words or write anything at all f you’re going to be a NaNoWriMo winner but do you feel like one as of late *sigh* Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 023 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Write A “Horror” Short-story
Completed
5. I Will Finish Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

50.5 back to F’s but if you’re thinking about numbers, make it the money that you’re earning… yeah, that’s a joke, the days you’ll spend on NaNoWriMo which starts this week or the constant threats it takes to get moving along. Why is it so many bad things that can get you going forward but of all the good there is nothing, it’s like being back in the faith, of course, you can’t earn your way into Heaven, but you’ll do whatever it takes to avoid Hell? You’re not moving forward to a goal but doing what is necessary to not get, a foot in the ass and that doesn’t mean winning it means willing but these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

Again you shouldn’t run because you fear the worse, you run because you can’t wait for the good, even today you were being pulled forward by that thing in your pants, and you’re kicking yourself because of it, and you’re wondering why you’re never going anywhere. Wanting to put your foot in someone’s ass and then kicking your own for something STUPID you did; another thing on Facebook today for example, if you can learn to “respect” your name Will, if you’re triggered by it, why not the word “Winning” instead of forever and always being On The Willing End.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 116 ~Will Connects The Dots~

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Money and then the woman, but I’m not saying she’s a golddigger, though I’m not above buying my way into Heaven with how I’m working these days, only I would be better off looking for a change of heart. Will Connects The Dots hopefully

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Episode 116 ~Will Connects The Dots~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t be such a boob or better yet stare at a pair of them for extended periods because no matter what you call them, breasts, ta-tas, fun bags, whatever the feeling remains and yes I looked up the slang. If I’m looking up anything nowadays it should be for dotting I’s and crossing T’s but look at me today, well I did show up eventually but speaking of eyes *sigh*

If only I had such laser focus when it came to my words or can I blame work again, every day this week… that’s one good thing about my day job, you can’t wait to leave, if I ever did own a brothel, well… Is it fair to use “cathouse” and “romantic,” they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and there was a time that was my focus when it came to a woman, the time of intimacy am I right? The days of having a heart but now it’s everything on the surface, freckles, nipples but is it odd that I don’t like too many tattoos on a girl; don’t get me wrong there are two moms and a lesbian chick I would happily fuck, still.

One of the many things I’m attempting to figure out about myself, what separates one girl from the next as I was telling Inspector Echo yesterday a person is supposed to control their feelings, but everything in this world is demanding honestly; such as being a dominant as well. You don’t change a submissive; you want her as she is but everything after that is to draw her more into you, like those connect the dots pictures. You have the idea, but you follow steps, and when you see her for what she is, you fill her in with your desires and hers My problem today has been the fact that I’m focusing on two dots on some cosplayer’s chest because… well one more puzzle, other than I’m horny honestly.

Too much pent-up energy, do I blame my “medication” or my new work ethic this week at the day job or maybe I’m dying and looking for a piece of “paradise” and however will I get there? The money is coming at this rate, not a lot but it’s something if I don’t fuck it up somehow, but no more dreams of anything so far, and don’t they say seeing is believing; with boobs, yes touching would help quite a bit… Will Connects The Dots.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 115 ~Will Sees Red Again~

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Well I was seeing red a few hours ago, and I’m voting blue soon enough if anyone asks, and work (not the day job) has been fruitful, well I guess that might be for you yo decide. “Will Sees Red Again”… no not at you silly

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Episode 115 ~Will Sees Red Again~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I know one thing I won’t be spending money on any black hoodies for a while but then again, work being work which is why I’m wearing the red one *sigh* let me explain. There are reasons you shouldn’t go around waving the Confederate flag, that “Very Fine People” would refrain from wearing Nazi uniforms, why KKK costumes are more about celebrating your heritage (of being an asshole) I’m just saying.

My first sin of the day *ahem* changing my clothes because wearing the same color as somebody I despise. Hell how about seeing the person I hate period doesn’t sit well with me, the rage has returned. Now I know you want to say that I control how I respond to people but let me put it this way, you’re going on a date, a girl gets dressed up, why… to get a reaction from you, and as much as most girls don’t want to admit it, if a guy is straight and seeing you, he wants to “bang” you, point blank period, get used to it. Some people I feel nothing for, some I want, and others fill me with rage, excuse me if my name isn’t Elsa and I won’t let it go, though there are ways, R.I.P.

“What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word
As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee” William Shakespeare

They say people can control you with rage, but that’s true on most emotions and what I feel today besides madness leads me to my second sin, how late this is coming along Inspector Echo but I did finish a short story, “Love The Way You Run,” still singing the praises of 5-hour ENERGY. Third would be the fact as I was telling “Indiana Gone” she knows what I think of my writing, but it’s supposed to hurt right, though it doesn’t bother me to say that my words suck most days. At least I think I know how to get through NaNoWriMo this year if tonight is any indication. Before I forget, how about politics, how stupid can some people be, and yes I will be going blue, my fourth sin, that YouTube at least thinks it can sway me somehow. Trump Sucks, Republicans.

Maybe I should have started talking to you first Inspector Echo; I swear I had some good stuff, but now I’m only blah awake, not feeling anything but getting a lot done, hopefully, no more porn, but some girls… Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for believing the clothes make the man is now an emotional response, how about for staying up late with TV and books, as always for hating my writing, and the state of politics, again I’m all blue, but today sorry but Will Sees Red Again?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 114 ~Time Out For Will~

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Maybe I’m looking to get away from it all, don’t ask me about the last time I had a vacation on even a trip to the movies… as the song goes, if I had a million dollars but what about love too. Time Out For Will

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Episode 114 ~Time Out For Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, though I don’t remember places like The McWane Science Center being expensive and anywhere that I can’t wear one of my hoodies… well, I want the money until It Doesn’t Matter. I’m much more of a homebody or one for out of body experiences, I read a lot on Astral Projection, though it’s been years, I suppose because you’re my Angel; yes, if it’s not music, then lame compliments will do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uBJtGSxJk8

Now before I break out my best Madmartigan from Willow (1988) I do like going out and looking at the stars from time to time, I only ever see them anymore when I head for work, or I look into your eyes; yeah I’m trying to stop. Maybe that’s why I like going to the movies or the library, a few museums here or there because they’re quiet and rooted in facts, that’s the truth. I was never the guy you’ll find hiding in a “man cave” watching the “game” unless we’re talking about the Olympics, then I’ll see you in two weeks, I prefer the Study but you’ll find me on one side of the house, lost in a book, instead of raking leaves.

Probably one more reason I want a million dollars, so I can buy one of those robots to do it while we go camping and honestly I have never been but somewhere alone with you and nature… primal but I like fishing too. Isn’t it strange that we’ll go someplace quiet and educational with the kids or somewhere, I can lose myself, Disney World, Universal, New York, California, but I’ll be just as happy, holding my son’s hand, you carrying our daughter and going to see a movie, “Trolls” was awesome. Can’t forget about my first born though, I want him to see the beach someday, and are you honestly going to ask me what I do to unwind or how about what you want to do, you saw me today though, blanket and bed.

Not that I don’t get wild from time to time, of course, you know me, so if they haven’t closed down the “Ranches” in Nevada yet or how about we go and see what Japan has to offer us, I mean “Hotels” and all. Am I that much of an explorer… yeah most days I’m looking for the darkest corners, but I want you with me, and maybe life won’t look like, well as it does now; me In Da Club, Time Out For Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

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As the song goes, every day I write the book or NOT, I found out it’s too late to submit a short story for competition but still, it’s not only a goal to write, it’s my purpose if that is the truth. “Always Write The Truest Sentence.”

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

Fifty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, is there a fairer sentence these days, the first words of a short story I still plan on writing, all those missed sentences I didn’t read at work as I signed my name, how about the death sentence I hope has known conclusion, somebody getting fired. The truth of the matter is that first sentence; if it doesn’t do what is needed then the last sentence doesn’t matter now does it, and when it comes to you and the others, the concept of making a million dollars is it.

It sounds a lot better than, I’m getting in her pants this way or that way; already I’m beginning to look like a hypocrite, but damn do you know everything that a million dollars could get done simply. When I was a child, it used to be what two-hundred dollars could do, and like my money my sentences have grown as well and again like my finances, this is not always a good thing. My money and my writing have to speak for me because more often than not when I talk out loud, it’s not the real me and you know I despise liars but take this as true; if anything I’m an artist.

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.” ― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta (Goodreads)

I can’t say I rightly know what people find out about themselves when they read my writing but for the majority, when I speak I find out they are shit human beings, of course, there are exceptions “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” yeah I can’t even name a few I can be myself around. So am I Will, when I’m writing… now that would be terrifying, a guy that would rather be with machines than people, a sadistic photographer who does everything to his victims, a vengeful cult-leader? Who do I want to be tomorrow, hell who do I want to be from minute to minute, this is more a question for Lady Sophia, but I’m not going to get to my short story today am I.

Love The Way You Run, working title of course but now I’m stuck on writing the first sentence, but it’s more like the story I tell myself when I first leave work, what did the general manager say “read between the lines.” First there have to be lines, and then there are words and somewhere in all of that junk lies me and if only someone would care to look but the fact that I’m not writing means *sigh* I don’t want to be found; is that the truth or a lie dear Madam Justice, Always Write The Truest Sentence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 112 ~Willie It’s Cold Outside~

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Last week I was too hot, this past week I was too cold, so when will I have a week when I’m just right, can’t say the people, precipitation, or my purpose are helping, considering I’m stuck in the day job, gratefully. “Willie, It’s Cold Outside”

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Episode 112 ~Willie It’s Cold Outside~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, cold hard cash as it were, I can’t say I have made any headway in such an endeavor but perhaps you may if work keeps being work and you find yourself stuck there. Isn’t that what we don’t want, a man of contradiction deciding between what needs to go out and what needs to stay in and the MILF isn’t helping though I steered clear of the porn… for the most part *cough* “Goblin Slayer” *cough* right.

If I’m not talking about that bit of hardness, how about what I think I did, I mean I still don’t know right, I reported “Dumbest” and this past week I haven’t seen him, I treat the day job like my life, and here I’ve gone and taken someone’s… possibly but good riddance. The world can be a cold, cruel, and complicated place, a lesson that must constantly know exploration, but you know better to go wishing on a star, hell with how you have worked today making up for my “shortcomings.” Should that go on the list, stop comparing everything to penis size, if it’s not all the pretty girls, it’s the dicks you work with and if I could have focused more on you know, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 016 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Church. (Church #1) By Stylo Fantome
Completed
4. I Will Review “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Completed
5. I Will Finish Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

A 67 D, and the only person getting it is me but what about you, no excuses but you have $400.00 in your wallet that is more than enough for the kid’s meds, a bath, and getting those nails clip; I gave up two off days to make more money; Treachery is the Ninth Circle of Hell you know. You have plenty to talk about with Inspector Echo and Dirty Diana, but of course, you’re stuck, frozen, fearful, and forgetful except to all that scares you, no wonder your character in the novel is known as a Dragon. Philosophy, one of the questions you will face is how to break the ice, that is without melting; pieces of you are okay, these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Write A “Horror” Short-story
5. I Will Finish Depredation By Natalie Bennett
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

You should probably review something else but when’s the last time you’ve had a clear inbox, hell there’s still one email from last year, we’re stuck with women on the brain, and again it’s not like you’re going anywhere you want this week. Better to stay bundled up when you can, harden your heart, which is the least of your sins, and follow my example of how to keep your pants on no matter the cosplayer, pornstar, English tart, or incredibly hot MILF, I mean seriously Willie It’s Cold Outside.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 109 ~A Greed With Will~

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Doing what you love isn’t working right; now I could tell you exactly what that is to me and most people would say that’s not the L Word, others would say it’s illegal unless you live in Nevada or Rhode Island. “A Greed With Will”

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Episode 109 ~A Greed With Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, did I mention I miss Hugh Hefner and now Dennis Hof, how about the man I want to be, the man I should be? Only Sloth trumps Greed in my book, which explains why I’m hopped up on 5-hour ENERGY. Will I ever stop singing praises to it, well people are continually going on and on about blessed coffee, football, or the “president,” but you know what revs me up, boobs, butts, and ahem beauty.

That’s how such great men made their living, and that’s what I want to do with my life, beauties in both book and brothels, but I’ve been thinking about a niche, well I mean other than everything. Most people I’ve talked to about this know that I’m into brunettes, I still haven’t figured out why considering I’ll go for blondes, redheads, multicolor hair, the list goes on; a man must have choices and I’m still a traditionalist when it comes to marriage. Not talking to that guy right now, no I’m staying a dreamer, and I should be a worker, yeah the guy that spent all of his pay and then some, if I could horde cash the way I do the ladies, and how I should my dark secrets.

I know this isn’t sounding sexy but besides being on hiatus from you know what, I’m thinking more business, not to mention I’m greedy with my time today, which is something I find more valuable than both ladies and money and if I chose between the two… Both are only a means to an end, POWER but nobody lives forever, and when I see everything that I’m missing out on; now I don’t want to be some old man with some eighteen-year-old out for my money. I want to be some old man taking other guys money and getting all my sex for free, and again I’m not getting into love today; love and sex can be entirely different entities.

At the end of each day though, we want it all but what are we willing to do to have that; sometimes I think I’m freaking insane; a friend asked me, what would be so bad about losing the day job I hate every day, to what, write a book about what I love? I choose the money because the idea of flesh, fulfilling a need, let’s agree maybe “fucking” looks worse than the love of money but I want more; A Greed With Will.

I Will Have No Fear