Saga 144 ~B III, 2V, One~

I can’t tell you the first time I told B I loved him, but I remember the last time. And when it comes to women, I’m less Akon “I Wanna Love You” and more “I Wanna F You” Plan A or one. But first, there are my boys. And what about me? “B III, 2V, One”

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Saga 144 ~B III, 2V, One~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike the GQP, I want to say I started with one dollar, not untold millions.

But when it comes to existence… No, I instead start with life. In honor of one who no longer lives. My son. How did I know that he was the one? I’ve said it many times over. The night B stood against my father. The day he jumped into the car. Why can’t I stay? And here come the tears, remembering his final look when he died. I murdered him… Anyway, there have been no tears for Virgil… yet. How did I know Virgil was the one? He was smart enough to use the paper. The fact he is as fearful as I. Braxton speaking? Hey Lover, I’d say that the first girl B liked I’d have to marry. B’s still looking out for me?

Then that makes me a type one, first-class, Grade-A asshole for how I am. Hell! I love my boy more than the “man” in the mirror. He’s not the one. I would instead love the man that he thinks I am. The man you see. A man worthy of being called Daddy. How I try. You know I’ve always wanted to be one. What’s My Age Again? I counted the days, our kids, the fingers, toes, and paws. One day, I hope to be counted on by our two-legged ones to help with their homework. How many days have I cried for Braxton Barks? Today that’s 660, and I continue, especially on days like today. It’s like I have the old-day job once again. FUCK!

And I never loved such a place, EVER! But how long does it take to fall out of love, hmm? I pray that I never find out. Because despite everything, my love for you has never changed. But I can say the same thing about Braxton. I said his name again last night while saying goodnight to Virgil Vivi. It could always be worse. Another girl? You’re my one and only love. And I could go on and on, what I mean by that, you know. “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” As the poem goes. But is there a right way? A wrong way? Just one-way? Is my heart in pieces, or has it grown bigger? B III, 2V, One

660 Days Without B III, Day 101 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Log 292 ~The Number One, Willy~

The WWE, which I’m on the cusp of not watching anymore, says it’s all about the numbers come Royal Rumble season, and the only number that matters, in the end, is one. “The Number One, Willy” but even in that I’m still greedy

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Log 292 ~The Number One, Willy~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I would be the first in my family. Lady Lu, I would be the first one I ever met. Tempted to say I haven’t been first at anything, but I’d be lying. Maybe Cherry’s talk is getting to me. She’d never admit it, but that girl is one for motivation. So what’s my motivation? Isn’t that a question that actors ask all the time? As for me, as usual, bucks, broads, and bullets. This week has been full of them for better or worse; then again, what is my #1 item with Six Impossible Things?

Let’s start off with the most “harmless” in this country, and that would be guns sarcasm. I’m still working up the courage to head out to the range. In all seriousness Lady Lu, I talk a big game of surviving the zombie hordes that will one day descend upon us all. I say that with utmost confidence, but it’s the living I can’t deal with. The dead don’t frighten me but only the breathing. Becoming one or staying the other requires what I do these days. I did mention I bought my speedloader and some rubber 9mm but until then.

Well, I have to figure out what I’m going to do with that $1,200. Hell, the only thing keeping it in my pocket is the fact that I want to write The Eve of a Cherry. I should mention books among the bucks, broads, and bullets, but how many novels have I bought recently. I got stuff to do, but I’m barely averaging 1700 words a day. If I published a book, I could stop by the bank more often. Now money would solve all my problems, only the amount has changed daily, how much?

The $30.00 I spent yesterday didn’t make me happy. At least I didn’t get robbed $50 on the Cash App. No, I spent money on one of my favorite pornstars Mia Rose. Again why can’t I be like an average guy and just get a membership with any ole adult site? Why don’t you ask me how many girls I have in The Eve of a Cherry? Seventeen and yesterday, I added 2B from Nier: Automata as Genevieve Garnet Flood. I swear it’s like I’m one of those tentacle monsters from the “good” Japanese animes.

Episode 191 ~Just One More Will~

I heard in a softcore um movie once that it’s a disease this thing called love, and if the world didn’t need it so badly I’d go ahead and declare us all zombies, but that’s for one more day maybe? Just One More Will

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Episode 191 ~Just One More Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, when there are only twenty-four hours in a day but as Justin Timberlake/Will Salas said in the movie In Time “A day. You can do a lot in a day.” While I’m grateful for this one, I truly am, I’m also greedy, my first born can attest to that for love is a many splendid thing, love is patient, all you need is love but as I’ve started reading “The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money.” Not that I’m asking for one more fight but This Love, is everlasting baby-girl.

Suddenly, I love you like one of my novels where I’m saying, one more page, then another minute, maybe let me bookmark one more passage, I’m waking up early to read for one more hour, and now we have a library. I look at B III, and I pray for one more breath of air sometimes… he’s getting older, one more day, he’ll be celebrating his fourteenth birthday in a month, another year, hell I want him protecting one more two-legged sibling, what do you think. Can I have one more girl in my life and then I meet you, then I have Aunt Jemima because I must have my pancakes right and how about Betty Crocker, then I have you in the novels I’m writing, I gain a daughter.

I remember the Genie from Aladdin saying he couldn’t make anyone fall in love, he couldn’t kill, or raise the dead and you can’t ask for more wishes because with those first three you might as well say infinity. I’ll never be religious, too many gods as is but I asked for someone to love (with only two legs), and here we are, forever hoping, wishing, and dreaming of one more word to equal these three, I Love You. Only we don’t need that one more word, a reason there was the invention of the kiss, for but a moment in time, humanity has enough.

Not enough moments like that though so we ask for that one more chance, be it a kiss on the forehead love, our lips meeting, our kids bringing us a smile, I’ll give as many as I can but don’t you want one more. There was a time when I dreamed I was too much and more so believing, I’m not enough but baby I’m yours, and you’re mine, and you ask me, only me incredibly “Just One More Will.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

How much time you got or should I just say I’m afraid of the whole world… thankfully that would be a lie but the truth is I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I Will Have No Fear, sooner or later but it’s been more than 66 Days

Monday, October 9, 2017

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

First Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear but honestly You know I could go on for forever and a day when it comes to fear, a toss-up between the things that scare me and the things I wish I could believe. So what does this rule mean to me, no real deeper meaning being my first rule, simple and direct?

“Please explain to me just once, why.
Because I’m afraid!

You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid?
If he did,
he figured out some way to beat it.

Yeah, well, there’s a word for that:
Courage” Green Lantern (2011)

Fear Justice, is a disease, it’s a freaking plague, like a zombie virus, it keeps you moving, keeps you seeking something and in the end what do you do with it? I don’t want to be like my father and that in itself is fear but how does he cover up his fear, anger, hate, do I really need to quote Yoda here. Like most things in my life, I believe if I ever find the root cause of it maybe I can find a way to overcome it but that’s not possible is it?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Master Yoda, Star Wars Franchise

Anxiety Justice, “Indiana Gone” wonders how I sleep so well, nightmares usually aren’t a concern, it’s real life so maybe I should list ten things that scared me just today:

01. Leaving Braxton by himself
02. Going to work
03. Getting the door for coworkers
04. Being overwhelmed at work
05. Multiple meetings (huddle)
06. Being called out by coworkers
07. Walking Braxton
08. Kneeling to check if the ground was cool enough for Braxton (Neighbors have a Flag)
09. Anything happening to Braxton, itchy, toenail stuck in collar ring, etc.
10. Work tomorrow and company after
“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!” Fight Club (1999)

This is why I constantly quote this rule Justice if anything I should have gone fight club with it and quoted it twice but that will be for next week. Speaking of which I read somewhere that it takes 66 days for something to become a habit and here I am with one hundred lessons, oh right and writing scares me to which is why I’m so late with this, wondering if I’m making any sense at all.

I’m scared that I’m losing my mind, splitting all these ideas up in my mind you know but since this is in relation to the first rule, I’m scared of what people will think of me. How about being scared that no one is thinking of me at all, and in both of those scenarios what will I do then.

There is nothing to learn this is something I know, I Will Have No Fear

“Thou Art Courageous” Spoken to Link, The Legend of Zelda

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember.” Morpheus, The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

I Will Have No Fear