Lesson 232 ~Disease This Thing Called~

I’m just adding to my list of sins, poisons, and diseases, and if I can’t find a cure to such things I might die but I’m still breathing aren’t I, and while they say love is all you need well, my dog is doing his best. Disease This Thing Called

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Lesson 232 ~Disease This Thing Called~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, knowledge and understanding stop fear, well maybe I shouldn’t say stops, no the fear never stops but somewhat redirects it, for example at work, I focus on the location instead of the people. You should hope the people at your day job never hear you talk like that, hell if they listen to you speak ever, like “Pontypool,” it’s a disease this thing called humanity, and you’re infected.

I’m sick, you’re ill, and I don’t know if there’s a cure and while I said I don’t blame the media and often lament that this place is Hell but as the song goes “I’m still breathing, I’m alive.’ Well, you see as I try to start over every week. The past will continue to haunt you though; you will continue to commit my same sins, you will become older and be ashamed, how often do we talk about the poisons in your body. Fear, Guilt, Hate, Lust, Shame, so it looks like you will need several more cures, what else do you have going on these days, let’s look at those impossible things now:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 01 No Fap)
2. I Will Clean Out My Inbox
Failed
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Failed
4. I Will Figure Out HR
Completed (Hopefully)
5. I Will Focus On The Dog; My Little Boy Is Turning Thirteen The Thirteenth
Partial Completion (A Decent Party)
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter
Failed

With so many failures at this rate I’m resurrecting a dead man, and with that, you can change, like I said before I’m going overboard announcing my death and surprise you haven’t yielded, the fact that you’re up dictates you’re doing something. This week the goal is to redirect, not an uncommon idea, and a story prompt the seven deadly sins making themselves out to be virtues and yes there are seven virtues, but we deal better in crimes don’t you think? A lesson if you must give into lust, work on your Pinterest boards, shop for outfits, to clothe your future submissive, if you must be a glutton then eat real food, try that Walmart Pick-Up. If you’re greedy then make it for more words and time for your impossible things like these six:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 01 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Get Out Of The House
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
4. I Will Do Something Nice For Indiana Gone’s Move
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish One Whole Chapter

If you’re going to be a sloth get seven to eight hours nightly and spend more time on the couch and not in bed; watch some of the Olympics as well. Wrath would be better served on Walkers in The Walking Dead No Man’s Land and while you’re out and about if you’re going to envy someone make it real like all these interracial couples you’ve seen, strive for that if anything, I’m just saying.

I want you to be proud of yourself, I want the dog to be proud of you, make the future mother of your children proud, make it damn near a disease because life should be something if not a cure but Disease This Thing Called.

“It’s about redirecting.
Evading.
And actually caring about the welfare of your opponent.
So you have to care about yourself.
You don’t have to believe your life is precious, but that all life is precious.
You have to redirect those thoughts, the history that tells you otherwise.
What we’ve done, we’ve done.
We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.
To make up for it.
To still accept what we were.
To accept everyone.
To protect everyone.
And in doing that, protect yourself.
To create peace.” ― Here’s Not Here 06×04, The Walking Dead

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 225 ~Meant To Be Free~

Every day I count one more link in the chain, Mr. Scrooge only knew greed, but money is not my evil, lust, guilt, fear, hate, I need to make a list, but hopefully, I’ll stop with seven, my slave masters. Meant To Be Free

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Lesson 225 ~Meant To Be Free~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, merely disappointed though it’s not your fault, not yet… though I’m sure you’ll have a few disappointments honestly, especially considering what week this is and my you will be busy. If it’s any consolation you are a wanted man, like masters wanted slaves, as comedians need jokes, and by women, as a gay best friend, and for other things, if you thought about one in such a way.

Speaking of thoughts, last week it was all worry, but blood and tribulation, fire and glory, the day of the writing in the sky and all I could do is keep my head down because like some slaves I asked what the hell am I going to do with freedom? I’m trying instead of doing, here I had the damn stage, but all I could hear was laughter; yes I laugh at myself, and I cry, well actually I sleep to keep from crying. What about the women; even if I could keep it in my pants, they wouldn’t want it, and unless you do something about it Wednesday you’re going to be alone again.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 07 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 02 No Fap) Okay
2. I Will Stay Employed In My Day Job, Do The Right Thing
Partially Complete, Employed But Wrong
3. I Will Not Know Intimidation By The General Manager
Failed
4. I Will Decide What To Do With My Day Job Account Against That Man
Failed
5. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Failed
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter
Failed

As you can see, I can’t be free of my demons, but you have to be free of me, so maybe the goal should be, don’t be like me, I imply that every week don’t I? Don’t let freedom scare you, but how hard did I fight to stay a slave, how much ass did I have to kiss, how I caved to everything but know this, your soul is worth more than $10.20 an hour. There are times I don’t think I even have a soul but then I remember that this is Hell and even if you choose to be here, as they say, better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, so don’t be blind Will.

Now this week what are those six impossible things and I know again, this is going to be a busy week, but you’ll do better.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Clean Out My Inbox
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
4. I Will Figure Out HR
5. I Will Focus On The Dog; My Little Boy Is Turning Thirteen The Thirteenth
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter

“dependin’ on me, sometimes we ain’t meant to be free” ― I Am, Jorja Smith

It seems so simple doesn’t it, like dropping a chain, running away, it’s a disease, just like lust, guilt, fear, and now slavery, you might as well be Gus Mancuso from Passengers, every infliction under the sun, I know right?

I’m not expecting a miracle but the keyword this week is “FREEDOM”; four work days right, but one day, I don’t know when just know we’re Meant To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 130 ~Heat Of The Moment~

What’s hot enough… the next time I fall so far it better be worth the trip to Hell, worth my damnation to be sure, but I can’t stand the heat, well not then anyway but what about now. Heat Of The Moment, is it hot in here or is it just… oh?

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Lesson 130 ~Heat Of The Moment~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear because I believe I have told the story of November 5th a few times… *sigh* ok if I must sum up, this dirty old “PERV” fell for a young eighteen-year-old, “Senseless” and I wrote her one poem and put some Twilight quote I believe on her windshield. Needless to say, history repeated itself and I nearly got fired; haven’t you always wondered why they call it getting fired at all.

I read somewhere that they would burn a person’s home when they wanted them to leave the village, sort of like “The Leftovers” I suppose, When that happened that man was trying to be some sort of psychic and here I was masquerading as a man with a Lolita complex… she is legal thankfully, not that it helped my case any. One of these days Inspector Echo we are going to discuss that but let’s focus on a definition of let’s say going to Hell.

Hell is sitting in an office, having your sins in black and white laid out before you and wondering why it’s taking so long to go all Fahrenheit 451. It’s being so hot for a person one minute and then the fires… I don’t know how to explain it but it’s already a rule “Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust”. Inspector Echo, Hell is doing your best impression of Nero as you watch your “empire” burn all around you and what can you do but sit back and fiddle, is that what he was doing, trying to take his mind off everything that was happening then?

People then wonder why I’m so cold, because it’s a disease this thing called love, and I know how dangerous it can be, as it was said in “The Immortal”. Now I was never in love with her, people talk about a certain type of culture nowadays but honestly, I understand why I don’t go to strip club… other than my anxiety, I hate the tease, and porn is free.

Now you want to know am I sorry for what I did, not a day goes by that I don’t feel regret, and I have wrong a lot of women with my inaction, my shyness, my fear, and that makes me a monster. So yes I am sorry but you know Heat Of The Moment.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

How much time you got or should I just say I’m afraid of the whole world… thankfully that would be a lie but the truth is I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I Will Have No Fear, sooner or later but it’s been more than 66 Days

Monday, October 9, 2017

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

First Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear but honestly You know I could go on for forever and a day when it comes to fear, a toss-up between the things that scare me and the things I wish I could believe. So what does this rule mean to me, no real deeper meaning being my first rule, simple and direct?

“Please explain to me just once, why.
Because I’m afraid!

You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid?
If he did,
he figured out some way to beat it.

Yeah, well, there’s a word for that:
Courage” Green Lantern (2011)

Fear Justice, is a disease, it’s a freaking plague, like a zombie virus, it keeps you moving, keeps you seeking something and in the end what do you do with it? I don’t want to be like my father and that in itself is fear but how does he cover up his fear, anger, hate, do I really need to quote Yoda here. Like most things in my life, I believe if I ever find the root cause of it maybe I can find a way to overcome it but that’s not possible is it?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Master Yoda, Star Wars Franchise

Anxiety Justice, “Indiana Gone” wonders how I sleep so well, nightmares usually aren’t a concern, it’s real life so maybe I should list ten things that scared me just today:

01. Leaving Braxton by himself
02. Going to work
03. Getting the door for coworkers
04. Being overwhelmed at work
05. Multiple meetings (huddle)
06. Being called out by coworkers
07. Walking Braxton
08. Kneeling to check if the ground was cool enough for Braxton (Neighbors have a Flag)
09. Anything happening to Braxton, itchy, toenail stuck in collar ring, etc.
10. Work tomorrow and company after
“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!” Fight Club (1999)

This is why I constantly quote this rule Justice if anything I should have gone fight club with it and quoted it twice but that will be for next week. Speaking of which I read somewhere that it takes 66 days for something to become a habit and here I am with one hundred lessons, oh right and writing scares me to which is why I’m so late with this, wondering if I’m making any sense at all.

I’m scared that I’m losing my mind, splitting all these ideas up in my mind you know but since this is in relation to the first rule, I’m scared of what people will think of me. How about being scared that no one is thinking of me at all, and in both of those scenarios what will I do then.

There is nothing to learn this is something I know, I Will Have No Fear

“Thou Art Courageous” Spoken to Link, The Legend of Zelda

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember.” Morpheus, The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

I Will Have No Fear

Only Can Discover

A cure maybe, or a way to find relief, other than filling my head with numbers, how many times I checked the door, or people stay quiet, a method of forgetting and not having to worry about so much. Only Can Discover healthy.

Oh did I forget to lock the door
or should I try once more, I swore
only to turn around, before

conceivable the dog runs out of water
catching myself but what I said to somebody’s daughter
catastrophic humiliation, why I oughta

delay going in if people saw it, read it, and
decided… it doesn’t matter, I think I can, I think I can
do it, get up and go, man

oops, how many times, five, four, three,
can I ever be free of this disease?
Don’t know but count on my being O.C.D.

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Troubling Twenty to Tango

I was pretty angry at a beautiful person at first and I was about to you some pretty foul language at the start “BUT” then I thought a bit better of it, not the underlying problem though. Troubling Twenty to Tango… they say it takes twenty seconds ha

And I will see you in twenty
If I were only that eager
Why don’t I figure it out in guts
or any number of buts
which grow ever so meager
It’s only not funny
as I’ve been pegged
one ain’t too proud to beg

Now I ask for what
Because it’s never enough
Yet they call me the seeker
Maybe I’m ugly
tripping over my own two legs
like I just finished a keg
okay two but you know something
you’re the disease, the virus, the fever

So what I’m not a believer
In you’ll see
Without pictures or Mpegs
Even if I throw up my eggs
My courage with overcome any
And all anxiety… eh I’m a dreamer
Sot guess what
You won’t ever tell me to shut up

Ever again

Copyright © 2017 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.