Author: Will

Convince The Reaper

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People often talk to God and even he’s not there or he ain’t listening and these past few days I have heard plenty of people asking other people why. Convince The Reaper… can anyone really know, why do they try; humanity

For what is death, if not a Contract
Between what we consider destiny
And perhaps the one simple fact
That you and everyone you meet
In the simplest terms… will die
Yes I know even me
Yet you question and want to know why
We will all have the big sleep

As if you have some Covenant with God
Or whatever you call that higher power
Seeing the lives now robbed
Wondering of that final hour
Alas we can never see
Until it comes for us all
Consider it too soon maybe
But I ask, who you gonna call

How do we manage that Conversation?
Who now speaks for the dead?
Listen to the voice of the nation
Do you know what I said
Nothing, yes for there is nothing
There are the dead, the head, and oh yes the great divine
While there are those who look for something
Whatever will they find… this time?

With all they’re Collaboration
When has life been fair?
People talk about what they call salvation
So they seek life elsewhere
Praying for those that have been lost
Or albeit much too soon
Knowledge I’m afraid is a heavy cost
Preferring not to think of doom

Though it is always Coming
Is there anything you can do?
Won’t tell you to stop running
I suppose I know my truth
At the end… for those still Alive
Asking after him or her
Feel free to ask why and to cry
No not one life can Convince the Reaper

Copyright © 2012, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 031 ~30 Days Without Incident~

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One month and really what has changed, hell this is a month I never expected to see and that started so many years ago and yet somehow I have survived and you have been here for the ride. “30 Days Without Incident” …

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Lesson 031 ~30 Days Without Incident~

Hey Lady Lu,
Thirty-one days but the last three nights have been, exhausting, to say the least, and to say the most would be endless screaming but I try to be more articulate than that. Okay, at least to you because I’m still working on the people thing, more to the point I’m still working on that myself thing but really what has this month been like, you don’t want to know but we’re here…

If we start with “the incident” that sent me running back to you, I haven’t heard a thing from “Ms. Seasons” but I’m keeping my ear to the ground, along with my eyes but we’ll get to that. I wish I could figure out am I ignoring her out of disgust, anger, or indifference, the fact that I’m keeping up with her you would think speaks volumes but bless the sound of silence. My resolve seems to be as strong as ever though, but I’m getting to that, I guess it means something too that I don’t have more to say about her at all.

As long as we’re going through a list of the people I’m not speaking with, how about everyone at work, I still hold faith in my conspiracy theory but if anything the typical overnights. Yesterday and today were probably the best I felt minus the exhaustion, hasn’t everyone wondered at some point what it would be like to be all alone in a store? The only thing that would have been better is if my stupid iPhone was acting right but several ideas for playlists if I buckle down honestly.

How is it when you don’t have something you want it, even more, only human right but suddenly I was in the mood to listen to my Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 playlist and Kenny Rogers meets Wyclef. Trust me you don’t want to be left alone with the thoughts in your own head, especially if you’re me right?

I’ve still been avoiding my neighbor when it comes to their dog; I’m not a Flash type of superhero, and while I talk about writings, wit, and wisdom, I’d rather just punch someone in the face. Makes me sound abusive especially when it comes to Braxton, but, A/C, a full food and water bowl, and plenty of comfy spots seems better than a bed of rocks and outside for hours.

Lady Lu I really do want to be the hero in this situation but I have been going back and forth on being the neighbor that wants to help and the neighbor who adopts. Maybe you can blame Braxton for that but if you think I have trouble talking to people… other than Braxton it seems my anxiety transcends species. If anything it points out how much I love animals because I wouldn’t know what to do with a baby either, I don’t even know my nephew, there’s no rush.

Braxton and I *sigh*, a part of me wants to say the circle of life is complete, I hate my father and now Braxton hates me, I wonder if my father is as clueless as I am as to why the anger and animosity between us always. Really Luna the only words that have left my mouth besides “I love you” which I always have and always will have been “No”, “Shut Up” and “that’s why you’re in trouble”, it’s been so many days already. This doesn’t count as an incident but more as a new development and if anything, I’m more concerned with the people I’ll have to talk to, just to know why.

Procrastination, fear, anxiety, pick a word, any word and I’ll just roll with it, that was my first idea to chat about today, the way people are always putting words in my mouth. Now here we are and I just wish I had some idea as to what to say or do; isn’t it strange from the moment you learn to talk you’re taught to shut up and listen only.

One day soon I’m going to have to remember all the reasons that I want to be a writer, just put them all down as a lesson. That’s another thing I was doing at work, thinking of ways to expand, I’m always expanding my reach but Moses was a king of the desert too, I mean post Egypt of course.

“What is an ocean but a multitude of drops?” – Adam Ewing, Cloud Atlas (2012)

There are too many prophets here Luna, as the song goes but each drop is unique, each serves a purpose or maybe that’s my OCD talking and personally, I don’t want to know my place or stay in it. Just informing you of upcoming, incidents, accidents, and mistakes, but for right now, other than being really late with this, I’m actually in a somewhat decent place. Nobody wants to hear that though except for maybe “Indiana Gone” if anything I’ll worry about what I’ll say tomorrow, I’ll be sad tomorrow.

Just because I’ve survived this month doesn’t mean I enjoyed it and isn’t that yet another problem with life, that it’s all some big accident; makes me think about holy folks, you know. To go with another song, every day is exactly the same and if anything, that means I will survive, okay damn my iPhone and the always running playlist within my mind. Maybe you’re hoping that I will see a miracle instead of the other shoe dropping. Only that’s truth, the other shoe has to drop, whether you’re lying on your back, taking the next step, or learning.

“There’s a saying – the pessimist looks down and hits his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” – King Ezekiel, The Walking Dead 7×02

When it doesn’t that’s an incident, an accident, tripping, you fall and since I don’t think I’ll be flying anytime soon… the thing is I haven’t tripped or fallen, since landing flat on my face with Ms. Seasons. What I have learned today is that I want to adjust my path, which means taking my eyes off the ground, here’s to us Lady Lu and to 30 Days Without Incident.

Adjusting My Hat

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I hear the words, masquerading as a man with a reason, which of course I have none and rather than accept it I pretend. Adjusting My Hat… I just got my hair cut and felt somewhat bald or I just like my hood; if anything it’s what’s I think?

As if I were some hood
What is it I’m hiding?
Want to know… you should
Hate what you’re not abiding
And I know you would
That’s why I’m not surviving
It’s for the common good?
From the pope’s skullcap
All I am a blunder
Is it time for a nap
Who are you my mother?
Don’t tell me I’m trapped
Still I’m not like the others
The frequency I fap

For love is quite illegal
While I wear this sombrero
Could I be more regal?
How I need the dinero
But that wouldn’t be legal
To Nevada, should I go?
Fly like an eagle

If only I could play
Don’t lose my head
I should Tebow everyday
Yeah that’s what I said
Could there be a way
Not lying here in bed
Alone another day

Should I put on my Fedora?
Will I control my fate?
Go to Bora, Bora
Just to get away
Shall I lie amongst the flora
You say it’s a mistake
Yet I want more of…

Where is my mind?
Isn’t it what’s under?
The reason and the rhymes
Everything I wonder
Mad Hatter sublime

Copyright © 2012, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 030 ~And Caesar Was Ambitious~

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So Caesar heard nothing of the conspiracy, maybe because he was so busy talking he didn’t hear his own mind, his heart, or guts. And Caesar Was Ambitious but not ambitious enough to live a long life in his case

Monday, July 31, 2017

Lesson 030 ~And Caesar Was Ambitious~

Hey Lady Lu,
Yes, I would like to think that I am as well, you know I talk a lot about being “a simple kind of man”, “just be a man”, the everyday struggles of my life but yeah I have dreams. Not so many since these overnights but you know what I mean, Second Circle Creations, the title change, not dying alone, that sort of thing to be sure.

Anyway other than you I don’t tell many people these things, I will never discount the power of words but “don’t talk about it, be about it” but that’s from the song “Pass The Courvoisier” which leads me to a few lessons. First that maybe it’s better to be a loud mouth for a few reasons, though I wonder was Julius Caesar as such, too wrapped up in my own history nowadays. Secondly what about the stuff, that makes us so, I talk about biology but we both know there are things that while they can’t beat biology can be let’s say a deterrent of regular behavior for a bit.

Okay, let me start making sense or not because I’m about to get into my conspiracy theory and yes I sense a conspiracy to a certain degree. So we talked the other day about people filling the silence some but now they’re trying to fill my silence. In a way, I can understand girls who tell a guy as soon as he starts talking that they have a boyfriend, but they’re usually doing that because… okay before I get into that death trap, I said I love my dog, right below my dog is my love of so much silence.

If a person wishes to make me forgo my love of silence they better damn well be something special and while they are ambitious, they aren’t much else. Now why have these people become so ambitious all of a sudden, why are these people trying to “save” me from the dark paradise I have created.

Is it because I was ambitious, I’ve gone up for a few promotions and have lost them all because I am not ambitious enough and that means being a loud mouth? Now that’s rude of me but my dog is getting to be a loud mouth and what has that bought him but the sweet sound of silence in my library, one man’s heaven, can be one dog’s hell huh?

I think all these people talking to me are the symptom of a big problem, they want me to talk more and while I see the logic in such things, I just don’t want to. I want to tell people what to do but I don’t want to ring people up, doesn’t that say speak volumes to my anxiety. Of course, I want the promotion so I can make more money and eventually walk about the place when I move onto bigger and better ambitions but I can’t do the simple tasks associated with the job I’m trying to keep.

Because it hurts Lu, I mean it truly hurts, all the talking just drives me up the wall and you don’t even hear the real damage that is being done. The way my heart thunders in my chest, how I can barely catch my breath, and listening to people who look at me in some sort of way is like a bunch of knives plunging into my back. How it ended for Caesar I guess scratches him off the would be role models list doesn’t it but they say that he was ambitious.

Braxton is ambitious, and like I said his ambitious has brought him nothing but punishment, biting the hand that feeds you, haven’t I said before if I was a loud mouth, it would be nothing but a tapestry of obscenity. In a way that explains my musical selections these days, if only people could be like my musical choices, you listen to one song, you listen to another, and sometimes you just have to cut it off.

I’ve done that to myself in a way, I haven’t been taking any medication for a while and I’m thinking why did I start up again. I told “Indiana Gone” that if I did get the promotion I was going to have to be peppy, and the pills did that for a time, maybe I got a bad batch or something, so I finished them.

Speaking of medications, I’ve been thinking how best to combat Braxton’s problems as of late, what is making him the way he is, I’ve gone through the gambit of some unknown pain, a need for something, even neutering, though he’s an old dog. Is this what speaking up gets you, I’ve seen it a million times, all the loud mouths just going at it, speaking over each other, fighting for air, not to breathe but to talk. Maybe I’m just too exhausted for that type of nonsense but it doesn’t stop me from going back, over and over, because I am ambitious, I want more.

So what do all these people want from me, dare I think they actually give a damn, I’d laugh but I do enough of that trying to placate them. Everyone has an ulterior motive and that includes me, I was ambitious enough with “Ms. Seasons” so then the question becomes what do they want because I know exactly what I was looking for. Maybe I’m just a rock in the road that has to be dug up, a problem that has to be fixed to stop screwing up the universe.

Now don’t I sound ambitious, making this all about me but that’s yet another reason I talk to you because at the end of the day I don’t want Brutus or even Mark Antony, speaking for me, let them have you or simply silence. For now, what have I learned other than to want anything breeds disaster, don’t I sound like a Buddhist but I want plenty like any other person And Caesar Was Ambitious.

Dante’s Light

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The clear path… I have long since lost it as Dante had; dare I compare myself to him when honestly I know I’m going to Hell. Dante’s Light… I suppose things are getting hot here and as always I see no escape or Cure from such

Familiarity
How dare it be scary
What once was home
Becoming unknown

Conformity
Don’t you know me?
I am not one of you
And you thought you knew
How
Right now
It’s just so loud

My Tranquility
The simple ability
To hide
Will I survive?
When secrets
A personal Jesus
Takes my Beatrice

Universal good
Knew it would
Come
End of my fun
Like you left
Catch my breath
But I’m not dead yet

You shout praises
Your God saves us
By that meaning the few
His aim is true
Such is my upset
Praying to reconnect
What I’ve wrecked

If I’m to blame
Think I’m going insane
Over something so inane
That golden glow
Didn’t I know?
Fire down below
Personal Devil
Prepares to revel
Was I really such a rebel?

Wanting to be free
Less ordinary
Inferno for me

Copyright © 2012, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 029 ~Great Another Small Talk~

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I should really look up where the term “shut up” comes from but I get where Dear John comes from, not one more breath to give and what of the words fell on deaf ears anyway. Great Another Small Talk, yeah something I don’t do

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Lesson 029 ~Great Another Small Talk~

Hey Lady Lu,
You know I thought about “genocidal wording” but that just doesn’t have the same zing as small talk and doesn’t sound nearly as much fun. Of course, it isn’t much fun to someone with anxiety but last night did I not endure enough of it, a “Dear John” letter in a way.

Words Luna should not be wards of the state, maybe I’m making it more complicated than it needs to or I’ll try to but all words have a place. You know in my everyday life how I sort of give in to my OCD, my front door, my music, hell candles but I honestly believe that everything has a place that it belongs. People use words as if they get a tax credit for everyone they find lying around and then giving away and most days it simply overwhelms me.

Can you imagine if words weren’t only of what was; I can’t say that it would be great for our relationship Lady Lu because don’t I live in the past? The same could be said if we were to talk about the future, most of the time I don’t and when I do it only makes me sad, most of the time I come to the conclusion that I don’t have a future. Imagine a conversation where people talked about what is, some people do but they quickly burn out because you can’t keep a fire burning on the nothingness which is truly becoming the general everyday life of most.

Not that I’m anything special, I know that but my words will never leave me… for long anyway but I wish I could have left that conversation last night. I’m sure “Gospel Girl” would have enjoyed it. How does one say, Dear John, I do not care, that would have been awfully rude but wasn’t he pretty rude with what he said; I’ve gotten people into “trouble” for saying less.

Isn’t that just the thing though, saying less is considered a crime in this world, even now my lady, I’m thinking I might have to cut our conversation short because there is no time; yes, I’m still planning a time travel session when the opportunity presents itself. It just feels wrong somehow to cut this session short because there are things I should be doing, eating, sleeping, in other words finding a way to live and survive the night again.

Weirdness, like something from O’Grady, but it is weird when people treat words, all talking in general as if a means to live, not that I’m discounting you Lady Lu at all. Words do give life but it’s weird how people use them and maybe that’s why I use sparingly, I guess I’m just doing my best to help save the environment. Yeah, there is a dog I could be saving, a dog I could be talking to but I have enough trouble just keeping the breath in my lungs.
Every word to me is like an escape from a war torn land, it’s hard and it’s cruel and where do those words find themselves at the end of the day… in a place that no one wants them. How about those words are bombs that are quickly obliterating everything inside me daily and if there is nowhere to find peace, what is left to do but fight? Another reason I don’t talk too much because if I said everything that I ever wanted to say, I might never start swearing, and small talk to me is just a 9mm, everybody has them or bigger and the reasoning remains constant.

I think you see what I mean Luna… okay, no you don’t but all the weirdness has to go somewhere and if I stick with this, by tomorrow we will have been talking a solid month. The war with “Ms. Seasons” that has never come because she doesn’t need to waste words on me, but haven’t I been the same.

Indeed, whatever would I say to her; personally I rather not think about it but yet I am, what would I say to anyone really if I honestly talked to them because I don’t want small talk and again I will give into it. Probably why I prefer the physical, Braxton doesn’t talk but he understands, how many times have I put my fist or foot through something, or at least given it the good college try, how about my “baser” instincts, like a beast?

Words should be more than a welcome to my madness, did I ever welcome you my dear Luna, do they have welcome signs in Hell. Other times I can barely get a word out but maybe I’m taking a cue from the zombies that will one day overrun the planet… at least it will be quiet, and as they say, the pen is mightier than the sword; am I joining the NRA, more guns and bullets, less typing, texting, and for sure talking? If anything I wouldn’t be apologizing so often, I could be all, “That’s What Johnny C Do”, or how about Donald T, or Willy B, I’m not trying to be political though.

I bet you remember when I was all chock full of flowery words, still burns me up some that “better” men than me could use those sweet words only for some girl to lie on her back and physical show them what those words mean to her. No Christian Grey is still not my role model but he didn’t have to talk to Anastasia at first… see that’s the reason Fifty Shades of Grey sold so well, people say the writing was horrendous but we know what they really wanted right? Luna if I’m becoming a zombie like the masses at least I want to be a well-rounded zombie, as Chris Rock put it, a man’s goals, food, sex, silence.

So what have we learned today, as I said all words have a place; does that include small talk too, I would say I’m fresh out of that but as you have seen… Well, that is something else to consider, the fact that this nearly was only an hour of conversation, Great Another Small Talk.

Execute Son

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TMNT… I heard Splinter say once that all fathers love their sons, but I’m twenty-seven and I still live in constant fear of mine. Execute… Son; I look at my childhood compared to my sister’s and realize I was the prototype to her great future, hmm…

An experiment
A figment
Of someone’s imagination
This demonstration
Something called life
Might just not be right
So goodnight

As we go on
Someone should warn
All of us
That we come from the dust
We play God
But we are not
Cover pulled up top

Do we not seek the answer?
The cure for Cancer
Immortality
Life is a disease
Killing us all
For we must fall
Will I ever be that tall?

Planet full of apes
And I wait
Child and parent
To see what is gravely apparent
I’m the prototype
Wasted megabytes
Should I sleep or die

I’ve got a theory
He didn’t want me
Is that the conclusion?
What is the solution?
Before the sun
Program run
Execute… Son

Copyright © 2012, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 028 ~A Dog Day Afternoon~

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Don’t be a hero, why, because heroes die but if you’re not the hero, people don’t get rescued, I can live with that, you’re a villain, I’ve been worse, a dog dies, okay now I have to get up. A Dog Day Afternoon

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Lesson 028 ~A Dog Day Afternoon~

Hey Lady Lu,
I love Braxton, a statement of fact, I love that little dog, as far as I’m concerned he’s my son and I would do anything for him, does that make me a decent human being, a hero, anything at all, I don’t know and I don’t care, he’s mine and I love him. Now I could go all in about love but this is going to be a long day and an even longer night and how long does that dog have?

No, I’m not talking about Braxton, not talking to Braxton at the moment though what concerns me the most at this particular moment is the neighbor’s dog. I wonder when does the moment come when you have to take the law into your own hands, when do people come to the moment of busting the window out of a car to save a dog’s life? Am I there yet my lady, I mean the things that I have done on Braxton’s behalf honestly but what of this dog’s dire straits?

You know I don’t understand people at all but if people are truly made in God’s image and “God is Cruel” as Stephen King put it, what does that say about people? Aren’t I the one to blame as well, if I were any sort of man, I’d go over there now and rescue that poor dog, I would talk to the neighbor, I would be doing something anything other than talking to you. I like talking to you Luna I apologize but as I said this is going to be one long day and one boring night, but this shouldn’t be about me really.

I got one dog that again is making me feel like a failure as a parent, maybe now I’m starting to understand why my “father” is the way he is, yeah I can be all sorts of dangerous and I hate his guts. On the other hand, I wonder if Superman ever had kids (I’m not a comic guy or most heroes) which do you think is easier Lady Lu, to be a father or to be the hero hmm?

How many times have I said I’m looking for a new role model but what would Jesus do is not the one, what would a father do and what would a hero do, I pretend to be one and courage stops me from being the other. Does it not take courage to be a father, a pet parent, always concerned what other people will think of me, while a hero would simply do what is necessary regardless of anything else.

“Because he’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.” Lt. James Gordon, The Dark Knight (2008)

I was always more of a Batman over a Superman and why, because Bruce Wayne was only a man, albeit a wealthy one but a man nonetheless, I wouldn’t dare say I could be Batman though. No, I can’t kick the neighbor’s ass, can’t swoop in and save the poor doggie but what’s stopping me from offering money for his life and in the end whatever would I do with that life? Most people don’t see the dog at all and if they did what would they do, no I don’t want to be them I want to do a good thing, the right thing.

“Fear is the enemy of will. Will is what makes you take action; fear is what stops you, and makes you weak…” Green Lantern (2011)

Truer words huh Lady Lu, Batman had a choice but being a father to Braxton, the moment those four little legs hit the floor my course was set and I swore to look after him, even when he belonged to my sister when he wasn’t mine. To a father it doesn’t matter, a father does what has to be done as it has always been with me and Braxton, anxiety is damned, people be damned, there is no fear because he’s mine, I’m daddy and he needs me and that’s that. If I did it before can’t I do it again, hell when I wanted a dog so many years ago my father wouldn’t dream of it but my sister got an accessory for her purse, and then she had a real baby and Braxton came along with me, simple.

If anything I can’t sit back and do nothing, but as I say that here we are and he’s out there possibly suffering because I fail to act. Everyone I have told “Indiana” and “Gospel Girl” both say I should do something and I have always believed a man must see about his family but what about this poor dog.

A few months ago he was only the dog next door, Braxton’s nemesis and I was wondering what would happen if they actually did meet and now he’s a dog I just can’t watch suffer. I’m better than that, I want to scream at “Ms. Seasons” yeah I’m skeevy and inappropriate but I am a decent human being, I am.

“I feel like all I’ve done my whole life is be pretty. I mean, all I’ve done is be born! I’m a failed actress, a failed artist… I’m not much good as a mother. Come to think of it, I’m not even that pretty anymore. I have failed at everything, Yuri… but I won’t fail as a human being.” Ava Fontaine, Lord of War (2005)

I’ll ask you Luna and I suppose you’ll agree with everyone else, you see a dog, no collar and no tag, his back is dirty, he sleeps on a pile of rocks and hides from the rain and the heat of the sun. Your neighbors report that he’s been seen walking along, nearly hit by cars, the neighbors report him missing while his owner never does, you don’t see him eat or drink, you call out to him to make sure he’s alive. You return him twice, you block his gate so he won’t be in danger but you might have locked him into a prison, whatever are you supposed to do, what comes next?

They say, “Evil prevails when good men fail to act.” What they ought to say is, “Evil prevails.” Yuri Orlov

Because it does Luna, it absolutely positively does and if you don’t believe me ask the last couple of girls I made a pass at, then again while being evil or skeevy I did fail which in retrospect is a good thing. Only I can’t fail with this, would what I do be considered evil, “rescuing” the dog, I’m sure the neighbor and Braxton would probably. I don’t know what I’m going to do but the other neighbors are reaching out and they say this is wrong too, the way this dog is living and here I am, no hero, father, biology dictates a bit of man hood, just a bit if not longer, inappropriate?

“You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” The Dark Knight (2008)

Today I don’t want to be, today I don’t want to be or do a lot of things but I will and for a thousand different reasons. Why not today I do something that truly matters, something that will make me more of a hero, more of a father, more of a man my friend on A Dog Day Afternoon.

Topless

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This started out as sort of a physical idea and turned into a bit of rage and a somewhat apology towards someone I sort of wronged but can I help it that I feel wronged too? “Topless”, no I’m not being pervy or skeevy, that’s what she said… that joke

From crown to toe top full, brain
language, why Shakespeare sees dead
people and I would make a list
Only where is my mind, some missed
season, winter, spring, summer and
I see none of her why

Why these old eyes are led
to whatever drives a man mad and insane
and still, I will wish
Well I should hear, listen, learn, that a kiss
would be better than any lie
that I would try to understand

I’m only human, I am a man
which comes, pretty damn close I surmise
to being a god, but my heart pre-exists
A condition that cannot be dismissed
so I gain
nothing at least that’s what I read

To have those guts whilst
my disgust, my rage, made into a fist
to withstand, maybe, possibly, the pain
Then came wrath after such dread
of all the things I said, promises and demands
for my suicide and who am I

Better I ask who are you Ms.
wanna be goddess
keeping those legs spread
One more broad, a dame
who made my monster say hi
only it wasn’t your plan

Let me apologize if only for this
you see I exist
yes I fall and now I stand
Indeed a man must try
even if I must profane
God forgive us both for what was said

While we all lie topless

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 027 ~Topless~

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The world is not crumbling around you, no you are crumbling within the world, from crown to toe, and so what remains of whoever you were or still are. Topless, yeah probably not what you’re thinking unless you’re “skeevy” like me.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Lesson 027 ~Topless~

Hey Lady Lu,
Don’t believe what you read and only half of what you hear… I heard that in a movie once but let’s start a bit higher. I know you were thinking this was going to be something “adult” and honestly a part of me wish it was but higher Lady Lu.

Have you ever heard the expressions, having a price on your head, don’t lose your head, hard head, mind playing tricks on me, I could continue, yeah Luna I have a good memory don’t I? Today as the raindrops were falling on my head I just wondered what the price of mine is, the things I know, believe, every solitary thought. Of course, there is the standard, does anyone care enough to want to hate me to that degree; a price on someone’s head when we never use our brains.

“A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste” – Shrink, Get Out (2017) and the UNCF

Now, what our eyes and ears, most days we bury our heads in the sand and here’s another saying for you, “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” though I’ve never had much of a challenge with the speaking portion. Now seeing, I have a friend who actually prefers the burka look but it wouldn’t exactly help a guy like me. The hearing evil only applies to what I hear about myself (skeevy, the incident, never forget) … okay and the things that I want to tell you but we have barely been speaking a month since we started back to these somewhat lessons.

Speaking of which what is today’s lesson other than the fact I was listening to a Nas’s song and “Indiana” talking about ape nipples? I suppose I’m thinking about what actually makes us a human, or how about this, why I can’t seem to understand, what makes me, me maybe.

“So what is the “me”?

My brain, I suppose.

Your brain? Your brain is a body part. Like your fingernail or your heart. Why is that the part that’s you?

Because I have sort of a voice in my head, the part of me that thinks, that feels, that is aware that I exist at all.

So if you’re aware you exist, then you do. That’s why you’re still here.” – What Dreams May Come
So I lose my head and the whole world isn’t on my shoulders though it feels that way a lot, don’t I still have plenty of heart? What about guts, do we really need to have another conversation about courage or my lack thereof and yet I still live.

“Hearts are wild creatures, that’s why our ribs are cages”

Probably one of the most beautiful sentiments I’ve ever heard is “don’t hate your broken heart lovely” makes you wonder why we’re so anxious to give it to someone right? How about the people who are looking to steal hearts away, I don’t think I have ever done such a thing, not for lack of trying, does that make it a crime? Not one heart could be kept in pristine condition, soft-hearted, cold-hearted, what about wearing your heart on your sleeve, makes me think of hiding a dagger to strike.

“Ohh. How embarrassing. There they are. They were inside you the whole time. You did have guts. I’ve never been so wrong in my whole life!” – Negan, The Walking Dead

Now Negan is a teacher if anything he taught me that everyone has guts and anxiety just makes me want to puke mine out all the time. I’ve been trying to keep them in over the past few days, thinking about having any heart changes by the second but as long as I have the guts I keep Braxton and me alive no matter what. How about the fact that I need them to find a woman and I can worry about a heart later?

Of course, this brings another question as we travel lower and lower because heart and guts don’t make you a man or even a decent human being. If I were to lose all of that what would I be then Luna, would I be someone like you, or something else.

Promise we’re not going to talk about whatever madness Trump is starting, but I know my biology and “equipment” quite well. What is it I told “Okay” the other day, I don’t want a woman that keeps me on my toes but knocks me off my feet, whatever that means.

Someone once said, vote with your crotch because, your mind can be fooled, your heart can be broken, and your guts are sort of twisted but your naughty bits always know what they want and I happen to agree. On the other hand, men thinking with the little head and not the big head leads to plenty of trouble and don’t even dare to dream that you can use both. Needless to say, a nice “release” can make everything appear so much clearer but with my writing who truly knows.

Last but not least, getting weak in the knees, “knocky” in the knees, knocking boots, now that is one I haven’t heard in a long time. Falling in love… I think if anything and you know me well enough to figure, we have to fall might far before we can even hope to be made whole. Walk a mile in my shoes perhaps, it all begins with that single step, and so on and so forth but in the movie “Just Looking” I liked that expression of, I don’t sell shoes Lenny, I sell journeys.

What the hell have I learned today, from crown to toe, what makes us, might have nothing to do with the physical, take it all away and what are we left with? I don’t know but naked and afraid, topless, even nonexistent, there is something, no man can see and that perhaps is what makes the man, woman, human, and it’s more than God, Topless.