Tag: Death

Saga 012 ~I’ll B Waiting Longer~

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How long did I wait in bed… not that I was utterly useless? I checked my schedule and, as always, posted something about my boy. And anytime I find my pants and make it to the table to work. But as far as “love and happiness.” I’ll Be Waiting Longer

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Saga 012 ~I’ll B Waiting Longer~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And all it took was 37 years. Yeah, when it takes me an hour to speak.

That’s nothing compared to the two hours I usually give myself for the Day Job. Seeing about my boy, gazing at too few bucks, watching some boobs, and going blind playing with my balls. For now, I’m only reading the clock. I was up at 4:00. And Lofi Girl has returned. But what about B III? First reincarnation. And now I’m going all Jennifer Lawrence, screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs.” Um, looking up Jennifer’s boobs this second. What, you want me to stay awake? It should be more like I want to be awake. Isn’t that right? Between resisting sleeping and wanking. The “Twist In My Sobriety.” And speaking of songs, again, a sign from Braxton, “I’ll Be Waiting,” from this morning.

I remember this show once. MTV’s Guy Court, talking about playing slow jams and love songs with the homies. Braxton got used to me playing all sorts of music around here every day. One more way he has to be trying to talk to me because I just remember suddenly. Inspector, I might have to put it in the novel I’m writing, “The Will To B III.” Sunday is an exception. Otherwise, I’ve been down here writing for the third day this week and to listen. I’m still waiting for this book to start getting good Inspector. I hear you say give it some time? Then there’s the speed. I should be over 20,000 words by now. As it stands, I’m around 7,600 or so.

Hell, that’s embarrassing! But let’s say I perform this miracle; it’s not like I’ll ever publish it. And why do I want to anyway? Well, we’re back to the beginning. To honor my son, several more smackers, and so I can tell the world, “I Just Had Sex.” Lately? Inspector, all these things are going on in the world. And this is what I’m worried about these days. Then why did I slack off yesterday? Telling myself that I was watching The January 6th Hearings? I did somewhat, but I can’t say I was engrossed. King Trumptard tries to overthrow the country and gets away. Yep, I’m a Republican because I face no accountability for my worst inclinations. My son’s death? I’ll B Waiting Longer.

528 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 008 ~To B Pissed Off~

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Has it really been six years of this? A drop in the bucket of things that make me mad. Or would you rather I am all hot and bothered. I can do both and deserve to burn. But Treachery is the coldest sin. And still no real punishment? “To B Pissed Off”

Saturday, July 9, 2022

Saga 008 ~To B Pissed Off~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be pissed that people want me to help? Oh, I’m such a Republican…

But like every morning, after I wipe the tears from my eyes… I get pissed and mad. As the song goes, “I’m in a rage,” and why’s that Lady Luna? Frankly, selfishly, it’s my son. I’m never mad at him for having to leave me. No Lady Lunalesca. It’s a fact I have to look his murderer in the face every morning. And when it’s not wanting to be punished, it’s utter disgust. There’s a reason I don’t go trying on clothes in a store anymore. Those mirrors are too fucking good. There’s a reason I go and pet the dogs every Saturday. To see what I can never have again. I’ve been dreaming of Braxton, which makes me mad? So a no on reincarnation?

Because I was all sorts of scared at around midnight. Of course, B III wasn’t here to protect me, or was he? I kept the lamp on a while and then heard what sounded like gunshots. And that’s when I turned the lights off and went back to bed, not worried a bit? Um, a song? “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” Dangerous words, Lunalesca. Glad I already bought a gun. But like I’ve said before, like a proper Republican or not, I’m all for guns. Only I read something about them going through your social media accounts. To check your “morals” and “character.” I’m the ending of Daenerys Targaryen. I mean righteous who goes batshit crazy. No Fair

Don’t normal individuals get angry when they’re hungry? No, I get mad when I’m horny. It’s like fucking rehab Lady Lunalesca. Pardon my language this morning. Yes, B is gone. Next to his death, not being able to say what I like is ticking me off, tick-tick-ticking me off. For example, I want to talk about Maisie Williams in The Falling or some UK BBWs. I swear, brunettes, girls from England, big tits. If it’s not that, it’s Dirty Latina Maids or Hentai, hmm? I’m not a nice guy, but I’m not a douche either. Like father, like son… Braxton. Always pissed he isn’t here to make me want to be a better man, his father. Write his story. I’d say, To B Pissed Off.

524 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 005 ~The B’s, Z’s, XXX~

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I would tell B III to “shush it” too often. And I’m sure there were mornings when B was like, “you can go back to closing the door” while I was taking a shower. But the best was when we were both still breathing. The B’s, Z’s, XXX

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Saga 005 ~The B’s, Z’s, XXX~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And how those words literally “Echo” because I ain’t doing a goddammed thing. The time Inspector…

All the time, I could have been telling you about this book I read that talked about signs from animals. Of course, it wasn’t the first and won’t be the last. But B, sending music… Now I won’t tell you what songs. With everything I should be ashamed of, it’s not that at all. And you must already think I’m crazy as I read another book thinking B is speaking. Hell! Sometimes I think it’s the whole house that is against me. Every creak of it. I expect B is somewhere checking it out. I’m sure I told you once about getting so frightened, Echo. I went into my drawer and reached for my weapon. Fear should have me reaching for a pen, if anything.

But no. As I was getting up this morning, I checked my schedule. I had four solid hours last Monday. What did I do with them? I caught all the Z’s I could and then more. Inevitable. And if I wasn’t sleeping, I was busy leveling the damned. If I had every hour back of playing TWD, Call me a LEGEND, Replika. Even now, Inspector, around 8:00 AM, I’ll Be… I did mention the music, didn’t I? When I’m trying to drown out all the silence, it’s everlasting. Throw in me shaking Braxton’s medicine bottles twice a day and calling to him still. Inspector, it beats my finger zooming across the screen trying to read “The 1619 Project.” It’s the notes pages, but I feel like a liar not finishing.

And what’s true? When I’m not dreaming of being a better man or losing myself to the silence, it’s “uh….” Well, more like “aw” over the creepiest of things. At least M Anime doesn’t think so. If she knew, for example, there’s this dress I want for my sub’s closet… What was the book I read before… Dark Notes? Where the guy buys Ivory clothes? Don’t I wish? Only I bought the lingerie this girl wore… Not really “wore.” But the exact same type so I can moan her name. Or at least I was before taking my OnlyFans hiatus. And I don’t have a word for the novel, do I? Talk about a deafening silence. “Cum On Feel The Noize.” The B’s, Z’s, XXX.

521 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 001 ~B Up To Testing~

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On the first day of my sixth year of blogging, the “Saga” and I find I’m too exhausted, “fatigued,” and tired to remember. Then Camp NaNoWriMo, and should the country even last one more month. A test I haven’t studied for but my son? B Up To Testing.

Saturday, July 2, 2022

Saga 001 ~B Up To Testing~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I tested well (snickers). I’ll need a test for all my “shenanigans,” Lunalesca.

And while I’m busy looking up words, how about fatigue? As I struggled to rise this morning, that’s the word I looked up, fatigue. Oh, I’m not talking about a uniform… “That comes later.” As always, I mean the fact that I’m sitting in this bed at 5:00 AM again. Exhausted, (looking) emaciated and thinking about emancipation. At the end of the day, Lady Lunalesca, I only want to feel better. But by the end of the day, I doubt I’ll talk to a doctor. So, Luna, I want to make a deal, considering yesterday’s failure. Here it is, Luna. If I cannot finish writing “The Will To B III,” I’ll see a doctor at the end of the month. A fitting test? Challenge accepted!

Because I keep calling myself a “Lazy Ass,” but think about it, Lady Lunalesca. When it comes to… “You mean to say… as in sex?” Yeah, I have boundless energy. Whether it’s that sexy Handmaid’s outfit, Yandy sold. Cherry’s red lingerie, or “Dirty Latina Maids.” First off, if Cherry and M Anime wanted to kick my ass… I’d have a reason to stay in bed. Second, so much for my no porn streak. “I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there.” Before I forget, I should get Amazon Prime for free. it’s still there, Lu, Ah, “The Tomorrow War.” And no, I don’t only mean the movie. These days, there is a test of my character, concentration, and country. Lunalesca, To celebrate Independence Day?

I will never be free of this grief for my son. Did you think I had forgotten about him other than mentioning his book? For a moment Lady Lunalesca… One more reason I’m in bed. Sleeping to try and dream of him or to forget. Oh, to my OnlyFans, um…

A Quickie Announcement To The Chickies And Anyone Else Hmm:

I’ll be taking a month-long hiatus to work on a novel for Camp NaNoWriMo. Hand from the penis to pen.

I look forward to being back in action around August sometime. But until then, stay buck naked, drop a buck, your favorite buck. Gone Writing!

That wasn’t hard, Lady Lunalesca. But do I mean it? “Life is a storm,” or test. B Up To Testing.

517 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 363 ~Screaming Names To B~

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I’m no good with names. In my Day Job and everywhere, it’d be “F you” to most people. Then there’s whatever I say in the throes of passion. There’s talking to B III’s Aunt Carolina, M Anime, Cherry, and the dumbass in the mirror. Screaming Names To B

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Chronicle 363 ~Screaming Names To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I’m sure by now I have a company named after me. But Second Circle Creations?

Yeah, sorry, Abyss Creations. Um, all they do is make sex dolls and such. I wonder whether I can buy stock in it. Oh, look, here’s an apology for my Republican brain? Where Is My Mind? My son, always with my Braxton, B III, Triple B, Wee Little Puppy Man, continued… These days have been full of name-calling. Dare I call myself a prophet, considering I’m time traveling? And with everything going on in the world today. Um, madness, mayhem. As righteous as half… some… the majority is. I don’t know the count, of course. But where do I stand? I continue to be Pro-Choice, Pro-Science, and Pro-Women. My platform. Inspector Echo, sorry to say but I have no following. Well, only eight bucks worth.

Only there’s no one to yell at. The failure is mine and mine alone. Hell! To this day, Inspector, I blame no one for my son’s death. Only me. Okay, I blame the Day Job too. There are plenty of reasons I keep my mouth shut there. I don’t think I ever called Triple B worse than a douche. As for myself? The number of today’s chronicle reminds me (sigh). Did I ever moan the name of the “Basic Bitch?” I’m sure I did at one point way back. I can’t recall. These days, when trying to avoid all the horrors of existence. Well, I’ve been thinking about one name or nickname, honest. To hear that one, you’ll have to see my Stuff and Thang…

Really! Who am I trying to sell to? Today when I didn’t fall back asleep Sunday, June 26, 2022. I was looking at Carla Valenti from “Indigo Prophecy.” I gave you her body, after all. And then Madison Paige from “Heavy Rain.” What is it with David Cage and chicks, you know? Now I’m looking up the “Quantic” in Quantic Dream. This leads me back to names. Am I getting a new fur baby? As a southern parent, I must practice screaming names on the back porch. Beatrice Belle Bradford? Virgil Bradford? As for a middle name, either Will or Braxton? Too soon to be thinking of another kid to raise? I still call out to B III for meds. Better to remain silent. It’s hard. Screaming Names To B

Gospel 363 ~I’ll B… I’ll Write~

514 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 359 ~I’ll B Lying Here~

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I only want to lie here and forget about the world. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pissed off for fairer sex right now. And of course, there is my boy in a box. I’m not throwing him into some waterway. But for a bit longer, I’ll B Lying Here hmm

Saturday, June 25, 2022

Chronicle 359 ~I’ll B Lying Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now because of lying here talking? I have lawyers detecting lies. And scientists are talking about lye.

Well, not really. That would be me lying, Lady Lunalesca. Perhaps funny and/or creepy are the thoughts that come when I’m just lying here. There’s Fight Club, the idea of lye. Lunalesca, the notion of lying. It’s 7:00AM, and how many lies have I already told today. I only wanted to talk about one, and that’s me finishing The 1619 Project. Whatever will I say to the “Man In The Mirror.” Lady Lu, I’ve finished everything in the book but the “Notes” pages. Um, you know how I am with books. Audio doesn’t count. And words? I have to read every single word Lunalesca. I’m going to lie tomorrow because of today? Hell! Where do I even begin? Start with the truth. I miss my little boy. I miss Braxton.

Talk about creepy Lady Lunalesca; I wish I could have been there. When Braxton was taken to the fire. I paid for a private cremation. But in the end, what do I know. The truth? If anything, he would have instead stayed here lying next to me. “Daddy, let’s go home, please.” If I had my way right this second, I would never leave this bed. As the song goes, “If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” Can’t? Braxton is dead, and if I can’t have him back. Well, when it comes to you and me, Lady Lu. “I’ve never met a girl like you before.” You scoff, knowing I’ll look at porn…

That’s not an insult Lady Lunalesca. But what a way to die. Especially with what is going on in the world today or rather yesterday. Besides my usual Humiliations Galore, hardly any money. And the obligatory Happy Birthday to my father… Roe v. Wade Overturned! Needless to say, women are in a rage. I’ve always been Pro-Choice myself, Lady Lunalesca. As much as I speak about women, I do respect their rights as human beings. Well… there was that minor second yesterday when I was in the store. Humiliations Galore Luna and no reason to take away anyone’s rights. The lye that will come from this fight to get clean. The only burn I want is a tattoo of my Braxton. I’ll B Lying Here.

Gospel 359 ~Braxton FOUR The Win~

510 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 356 ~ That’s The S*** B~

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I bought my kid food which he stopped eating. To this day, I still have the last of his medication. I call him down for, or is it up? No, that would be the greed that is leading me to Hell. Because at my door right now from Amazon… That’s The S*** B.

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Chronicle 356 ~ That’s The S*** B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And if I could buy anything? Oh great, figuring out how to waste more money today.

Yes, I’m time traveling today. Before we get into my most recent splurge, let me sing you a song. “Money can’t buy me love.” Only if I found B at PetSmart. He would be $175.00. Hell! I won’t spend that to go to the doctor’s office but for B III? I’ll never forget sitting on the loveseat Friday, January 29, 2021, and paying $455.96 to find out my son was dying. I didn’t think twice about it. And that was shit Inspector. My son can’t die. Inspector, tell me why I spent some time this morning looking over picture frames and albums. A new phrase for a pendant? I should be ashamed I didn’t buy anything for him. $80.00 I didn’t have, and not one dime for him I love.

Well, that’s shit, too, in a way. Now besides my health which I’m ignoring as I did his. I noticed Braxton’s territory is overgrown. And I broke the weed whacker a week or so ago, Echo. Wish I could break another “whacker,” but ok. So I went shopping to get a replacement part, some trimmer string, and one of the covers. Do I want to protect B’s yard or so hmm? I only wanted to feel productive today, which I haven’t been with this Wednesday, June 15, 2021, or the day you read this. Of course, I’m being a lazy ass and yet spending more money, and for what. To be honest, to justify buying even more creepy shit that I don’t need. I’m reminded of old times. Basic Bitch…

You know like why I started my blog up again. For so many years, I ignored it. I even said, was it today or yesterday that I’m not growing up even a tiny bit? One horny fanboy as always, Inspector. You know I’m one to buy things for my submissive closet. This lingerie I saw once drove me wild, considering who was wearing it. So I found it and bought it. It’s like buying some girl’s underwear which I think is distasteful. Bathwater and the like, um, icky. Yet I wasted $20.00 being, as the genesis of this blog stated… skeevy (sigh). What the shit? There’s always a reason to miss Triple B. I wouldn’t be wasting cash on XXX. Lust is one thing. Braxton’s love… That’s The S*** B

Gospel 356 ~B Had The Lives~

507 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 352 ~ It’s The B’s Knees~

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B is the only thing, the only one, that I love that was pure and on the level. The books I read. To the art I like, games, music, etc. There’s always something wrong. B’s aunt? Um, besides her handing him food. Life with him? It’s The B’s Knees.

Saturday, June 18, 2022

Chronicle 352 ~ It’s The B’s Knees~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that should be enough to wake me up. While at the same time allowing sleep.

The day has only now begun, and it’s a test. But I am still up. There’s not much Lady Lu. I said something the other day about listening to motivations and finding a reason Lu. Well, something other than Yabbos. There is the promise of a new novel. But we talked about this last week. Lady Lunalesca. Have I made one move in that direction since? Being up before 5:00 AM for me and nothing else is a miracle. I don’t know how many times I’ll say it… Trump told about ten lies per day as president. But I’ll tell the same truth about as much and going on 503 days now. I miss my son; I miss Braxton today. This morning, the bee’s knees.

Okay, so maybe not. But mornings were undoubtedly better than how I’m existing right now, Lu. I’m fighting for every single second. And how am I doing that, you may ask? Well, there’s you, to be honest; Melina from Elden Ring. And, of course, such and such’s Yabbos. Now I’m drooling. At least that beats tears or doing that other thing… Man in the Mirror, sad. Everything I do these days that I would consider the bee’s knees? Everything’s no good. I almost forgot what was coming today. Well, other than me. I know Lady Lunalesca. Being perverted and gross? One more thing that is keeping me from falling back to sleep. If we finish this conversation before 7:00…, one more miracle. The bee’s knees.

I have equipment coming so I can cut the yard for a fur baby I no longer have. His ashes? Hell! You know my routine. If Triple B has been reincarnated? Today I’ll find… Virgil? Lady Lunalesca, I keep telling myself he’ll be a boy again. And if I found a girl? Well, then it’s true. Braxton will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge or wherever. Me? Heaven? Considering what other thoughts make me feel good. But again, Lu, He Lives In You. Which is why I haven’t died yet. Lunalesca, I’m not staying because of the vittles. Inevitably, I’ll get some more books, boobs, and bed sheets. But those things ain’t helping. But they feel so good, Lunalesca. It’s The B’s Knees.

Gospel 352 ~Good And B Days~

503 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

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Last time I saw a doc was for my ear. B got annual checkups and then some. An occasional tick. Checking his heart. I’ve needed to see a doctor since Jan 11, 2022. Um, I needed one on Feb 1, 2021. 500 days ago, my first day without B. When Docs B III.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always a doctor in the house. I know I could use one today.

Hell! I could have used one 500 days ago. Didn’t I? No, I didn’t start counting until Monday, February 1, 2021. Why do I feel this is a milestone for some reason? 500 days ok. 500 days since my B went away? Passed away. Was put to sleep. Euthanized. Murdered. Call it whatever you want, Inspector. The moment I “know” I crossed the line, I remember. I’ve already done the worst thing I’ll ever do in this life. I don’t have any medical degree, and yet I made the decision. Even if I found myself a Dr. Frankenstein somewhere. Inspector, Tupac had it right… “Bury me in pieces ’cause they fear reincarnation.” I have “The Box” to my left, but I believe Braxton will return.

I need to get my head checked. And off the top of my head, I can give three big reasons. First and foremost is B III. I’ll keep saying it, I’m at 500 days of mourning. How many books have I read suggesting a support group, and now I’m thinking of taking a look. Ha. The second is being a boy in a man’s body. I got nothing but the warm and fuzzies for the LGBTQ community. But I still speak like a child as if looking at the adults. And I love big tits. That leads me to the third thing, which is sex and why I’m late talking to you. Only by a few minutes, but I woke up at 4:00 AM. Now!

Yeah, it’s 6:20 AM. So I wasted two hours. I wish I could say it was that other thing I need to see a doctor for. It was “easy” to go and get my ear checked out. Only the money. Inspector, that’s my greatest shame. When Triple B needed to go to the vet, I waited. It was the “wealth,” going to work, wanting everything, and it cost me everything. And when he finally saw the vet… Yes, that is my failure and my disgrace. I never blamed the vet. Who knows what damage I’ve done to my body not seeing a doctor. And as the song goes, “Where Is My Mind?” Braxton was my remedy. And finding another cure, Echo? When Docs B III

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

500 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 345 ~What Will It B~

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The ideas keep flowing. 1600 words per chapter, 30 chapters 48000 words. 15 poems, so around 1500 words. Add Braxton’s eulogy at 500 words, and you get 50,000 and “The Will To B III. But how will I waste time? Sleep? I want tacos. What Will It B

Saturday, June 11, 2022

Chronicle 345 ~What Will It B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means people wait on me. We’re all waiting on something. But in truth, I’m lazy.

Hell! I could use my “condition?” Only I still use “B.” I think about my boy, and any pain I feel is nothing by comparison. If I want to be punished… sleep, bed, blankets, warmth. Why not write? I both love it and hate it? All yesterday I was thinking about my next book? Yeah, I couldn’t keep a straight face… we’ll get to that. I’m sure B III would be giving me one of his looks. Anyway, so I’m thinking about fifteen “Braxton Stories.” Some of my favorites to the worst. You know me, Lady Lunalesca, me and lists.

  1. Meeting
  2. Who made who
  3. The choice
  4. Don’t die, mommy/daddy (Kill Bill Beatrix and BB)
  5. Just the two of us
  6. Make way for the king
  7. Guard Duty
  8. “Best Friend” Harry Nilsson
  9. The Plague Era
  10. This is us/life itself
  11. The Descent
  12. Voices
  13. About Last Week
  14. Goodbye
  15. Rainbow

You’ll have to excuse me, Lady Lunalesca. I’m firing off all sorts of ideas. Oh, I can’t wait. Like the song goes (Get Get Naked)? I’ll stick to my writing ideas now; thank you so much. Now in case, I haven’t talked about it before. My next novel will be told from my perspective and Triple B’s. “Triple B to B III.” How’s that for a title… thanks “From Straight A’s to XXX.” If I can stop thinking about hot brunettes, “Haley?” What about this Lunalesca? “The Will To B III” I like this one.

It would make the perfect follow-up to “My Turn To B III.” I swear, Lady Luna, I will be one of these pet authors soon. Well, that is if I can get out of bed. But how and why? (Laughs) did I make another eight bucks with my Stuff and Thangs on OnlyFans? No way, no how. I’m not looking forward to facing the Man in the Mirror. But here’s a spoiler alert; I’ll have finished another book. Filling my mind is always better than well “this or that.” No wonder I’m so tired. And yet I’m going to get up and choose a puppy? How about food, a Strawberry Frosty, Street Tacos, Blizzard. Rather ask, What Would Braxton Do than What Will It B.

Gospel 345 ~Good Morning B, Sorry~

496 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will