Tag: Episode

Episode 119 ~On The Willing End~

WillLeave a comment

I was willing two work on two off days, to give myself a massive case of blue balls, to stare into my darkest temptations, let’s say choosing Silver *shudder* over Gold but what does it take to win. “On The Willing End” no, live on “the winning end.”

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Episode 119 ~On The Willing End~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe I should tell you that “dad” is going to come by here and kick your ass, after all, it worked in summer school, you’re still here after all those years. What about catching feelings at work, the last time that happened, the 5th of November, nearly got you fired, not to mention turned you off of black women, well she was more Zoë Kravitz, Alicia Keys looking and it’s not like white women are any better.

We’ve talked about this forever but what got you back to these conversations hmm; you start talking to some cute brunette but you compared her to a porn company, and now you spend time trying to prove you’re not skeevy, sleazy, or sex-crazed, how’s that going? You can ask the other brunette that was sitting on the couch that you felt up, what’re those two words, treating women with “dignity and respect,” which leads to “stop, no, and don’t” NOT or “I’m sorry” or “asking forgiveness rather than permission.” One of these days you’re going to have to write down all these trigger words or write anything at all f you’re going to be a NaNoWriMo winner but do you feel like one as of late *sigh* Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 023 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Write A “Horror” Short-story
Completed
5. I Will Finish Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

50.5 back to F’s but if you’re thinking about numbers, make it the money that you’re earning… yeah, that’s a joke, the days you’ll spend on NaNoWriMo which starts this week or the constant threats it takes to get moving along. Why is it so many bad things that can get you going forward but of all the good there is nothing, it’s like being back in the faith, of course, you can’t earn your way into Heaven, but you’ll do whatever it takes to avoid Hell? You’re not moving forward to a goal but doing what is necessary to not get, a foot in the ass and that doesn’t mean winning it means willing but these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

Again you shouldn’t run because you fear the worse, you run because you can’t wait for the good, even today you were being pulled forward by that thing in your pants, and you’re kicking yourself because of it, and you’re wondering why you’re never going anywhere. Wanting to put your foot in someone’s ass and then kicking your own for something STUPID you did; another thing on Facebook today for example, if you can learn to “respect” your name Will, if you’re triggered by it, why not the word “Winning” instead of forever and always being On The Willing End.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 118 ~Will Of The People~

WillLeave a comment

Nothing much to say today because honestly, I don’t know what I’m fighting for, yesterday I had to be one man and today I was a lazy one or just horny, that’s the thing with having a ton of energy, and my body’s outrunning my mind. Will Of The People

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Episode 118 ~Will Of The People~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, besides hoping people are STUPID and you know how much I hate that word, but like politics, it’s everywhere. Like porn, it shouldn’t help anyone right? Like power, it becomes an obsession. Should I mention, it’s also a constant worry, perhaps the cornerstone of my anxiety that more than anything I don’t want to be; like the song, “I feel stupid,” and that seems to be like most days Lady Lu, the Will Of The People.

Maybe only one man but why do I feel stupid today, the fact that I wasted most of it away lying in my bed so that I can wake up bright and early and go to the job I hate; perhaps that’s insanity. I could go on and on about the way I allow people to treat me only to have an opportunity to show courage and heart and next thing you know I have people like Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. How about how I treat myself beating myself up for days on end about something over and over again, some stupid post, I don’t even read replies on Whisper or something on Facebook like today which ruins my Saturday.

Again it is the Will Of The People, the man that I can’t help being and if it keeps up this way I’ll be a dead one soon enough and wouldn’t they say that’s only one more stupid decision in my case. Is it that I still want to be one of the people, that I keep getting voted, the idiot in charge or that I keep putting myself in that position and when did I decide on letting myself fall so low today, in more ways than one and I’m “trying” so hard. Yes, I’ll stop thinking with that part of my anatomy but it’s like everything is begging me to move, to do something, anything and like most, I only tend to make things worse all the time.

The thing is, I can’t opt out, I can’t turn away because if I do, then I am STUPID and nothing changes, and there is terrible by default and hell at this time I don’t even know what right looks like; well, I do, but Pinterest isn’t helping here. In a minute I’m going to sound like Eric Thomas asking myself “Will the real “Will” please stand up” (insert penis humor) but I can’t go on like this, a vote, the voices, my verses not saying a thing because of the Will Of The People.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 117 ~Scared, Will You Say~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not your boss, I’m not your boss, not anymore if ever, in the bedroom I have far more control, but in life, well there’s fear and don’t I talk about it often enough, and being so close to Halloween not that it matters. “Scared, Will You Say”

Friday, October 26, 2018

Episode 117 ~Scared, Will You Say~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, to tell you the truth a million doesn’t make you a BOSS; it does put you in a good position compared to most Americans though, like something sounding like “Fiddler On The Roof,” If I Were A Rich Man. I don’t mean to sound so political, I mean, what do I know right, that’s what I was saying at work, that I’m nobody’s boss, but a couple of people were looking to me for what… leadership, last time that happened I met DUMB, DUMBER, and DUMBEST.

“And it won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.
When you’re rich, they think you really know!” – If I Were A Rich Man, Topol

I’m never scared to write about my more “DOMINANT” persona when it comes to the bedroom; as I was telling a friend, being in charge is a lot different when you can tie a person up and do all manner of “unspeakable” things. Even in my own stories sadly I show caution and then I still idolize someone like Le Marquis De Sade but he did go to jail and even he backtracked when it came to his novels. That’s going to be a reason for writing if I ever hear one, yeah I write because you have to think at least a second longer before letting anything burst out of your face I believe.

How about me singing, I won’t lie Ha, Ha anyway I’ve been thinking about that R. Kelly song I Wish, and I’m going to get the lyrics wrong, but I like those lines that go:

“And all I ever wanted is to be a better man
And I try to keep it real with my homies man
Want me to save the world I don’t understand
How did I become the leader of a billion men?”
R. Kelly, I Wish

The second reason I’m writing is, I believe there are other people out there like me, hell there are people a million times worse, and maybe this is my idea on “trying” to find them, but honestly, that scares me. How about this Lady Sophia, I was talking to “Okay” about The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning and when I write it’s like I’m creating the “Sinsar Dubh” my dark magic attempting to get it out of me which should scare everyone, rape, murder, apocalypse and so much worse.

Better to keep it fiction right before I go off writing some BDSM contract, comparing a girl to a Brazzers or Reality Kings model, and don’t get me started on the words, more like the numbers on money, I once offered a woman three hundred for, yeah, more an Inspector Echo conversation. Good thing NaNoWriMo is coming up but how did I spend most of this day besides not reading the word “manager” under my name. I slept because I was afraid to write today, figured I’d sound like something out of “The Vault Girls,” “Virgin Roster” or my story “Love The Way You Run,” I put those two MILFS and that English Tart in it. I swear the things men come up with, my face is the horror, but my mind is apocalyptic; where is the terror, the man that is no longer writing of love and happiness perhaps *sigh* Scared, Will You Say.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 116 ~Will Connects The Dots~

WillLeave a comment

Money and then the woman, but I’m not saying she’s a golddigger, though I’m not above buying my way into Heaven with how I’m working these days, only I would be better off looking for a change of heart. Will Connects The Dots hopefully

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Episode 116 ~Will Connects The Dots~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t be such a boob or better yet stare at a pair of them for extended periods because no matter what you call them, breasts, ta-tas, fun bags, whatever the feeling remains and yes I looked up the slang. If I’m looking up anything nowadays it should be for dotting I’s and crossing T’s but look at me today, well I did show up eventually but speaking of eyes *sigh*

If only I had such laser focus when it came to my words or can I blame work again, every day this week… that’s one good thing about my day job, you can’t wait to leave, if I ever did own a brothel, well… Is it fair to use “cathouse” and “romantic,” they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and there was a time that was my focus when it came to a woman, the time of intimacy am I right? The days of having a heart but now it’s everything on the surface, freckles, nipples but is it odd that I don’t like too many tattoos on a girl; don’t get me wrong there are two moms and a lesbian chick I would happily fuck, still.

One of the many things I’m attempting to figure out about myself, what separates one girl from the next as I was telling Inspector Echo yesterday a person is supposed to control their feelings, but everything in this world is demanding honestly; such as being a dominant as well. You don’t change a submissive; you want her as she is but everything after that is to draw her more into you, like those connect the dots pictures. You have the idea, but you follow steps, and when you see her for what she is, you fill her in with your desires and hers My problem today has been the fact that I’m focusing on two dots on some cosplayer’s chest because… well one more puzzle, other than I’m horny honestly.

Too much pent-up energy, do I blame my “medication” or my new work ethic this week at the day job or maybe I’m dying and looking for a piece of “paradise” and however will I get there? The money is coming at this rate, not a lot but it’s something if I don’t fuck it up somehow, but no more dreams of anything so far, and don’t they say seeing is believing; with boobs, yes touching would help quite a bit… Will Connects The Dots.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 115 ~Will Sees Red Again~

WillLeave a comment

Well I was seeing red a few hours ago, and I’m voting blue soon enough if anyone asks, and work (not the day job) has been fruitful, well I guess that might be for you yo decide. “Will Sees Red Again”… no not at you silly

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Episode 115 ~Will Sees Red Again~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I know one thing I won’t be spending money on any black hoodies for a while but then again, work being work which is why I’m wearing the red one *sigh* let me explain. There are reasons you shouldn’t go around waving the Confederate flag, that “Very Fine People” would refrain from wearing Nazi uniforms, why KKK costumes are more about celebrating your heritage (of being an asshole) I’m just saying.

My first sin of the day *ahem* changing my clothes because wearing the same color as somebody I despise. Hell how about seeing the person I hate period doesn’t sit well with me, the rage has returned. Now I know you want to say that I control how I respond to people but let me put it this way, you’re going on a date, a girl gets dressed up, why… to get a reaction from you, and as much as most girls don’t want to admit it, if a guy is straight and seeing you, he wants to “bang” you, point blank period, get used to it. Some people I feel nothing for, some I want, and others fill me with rage, excuse me if my name isn’t Elsa and I won’t let it go, though there are ways, R.I.P.

“What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word
As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee” William Shakespeare

They say people can control you with rage, but that’s true on most emotions and what I feel today besides madness leads me to my second sin, how late this is coming along Inspector Echo but I did finish a short story, “Love The Way You Run,” still singing the praises of 5-hour ENERGY. Third would be the fact as I was telling “Indiana Gone” she knows what I think of my writing, but it’s supposed to hurt right, though it doesn’t bother me to say that my words suck most days. At least I think I know how to get through NaNoWriMo this year if tonight is any indication. Before I forget, how about politics, how stupid can some people be, and yes I will be going blue, my fourth sin, that YouTube at least thinks it can sway me somehow. Trump Sucks, Republicans.

Maybe I should have started talking to you first Inspector Echo; I swear I had some good stuff, but now I’m only blah awake, not feeling anything but getting a lot done, hopefully, no more porn, but some girls… Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for believing the clothes make the man is now an emotional response, how about for staying up late with TV and books, as always for hating my writing, and the state of politics, again I’m all blue, but today sorry but Will Sees Red Again?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 114 ~Time Out For Will~

WillLeave a comment

Maybe I’m looking to get away from it all, don’t ask me about the last time I had a vacation on even a trip to the movies… as the song goes, if I had a million dollars but what about love too. Time Out For Will

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Episode 114 ~Time Out For Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, though I don’t remember places like The McWane Science Center being expensive and anywhere that I can’t wear one of my hoodies… well, I want the money until It Doesn’t Matter. I’m much more of a homebody or one for out of body experiences, I read a lot on Astral Projection, though it’s been years, I suppose because you’re my Angel; yes, if it’s not music, then lame compliments will do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uBJtGSxJk8

Now before I break out my best Madmartigan from Willow (1988) I do like going out and looking at the stars from time to time, I only ever see them anymore when I head for work, or I look into your eyes; yeah I’m trying to stop. Maybe that’s why I like going to the movies or the library, a few museums here or there because they’re quiet and rooted in facts, that’s the truth. I was never the guy you’ll find hiding in a “man cave” watching the “game” unless we’re talking about the Olympics, then I’ll see you in two weeks, I prefer the Study but you’ll find me on one side of the house, lost in a book, instead of raking leaves.

Probably one more reason I want a million dollars, so I can buy one of those robots to do it while we go camping and honestly I have never been but somewhere alone with you and nature… primal but I like fishing too. Isn’t it strange that we’ll go someplace quiet and educational with the kids or somewhere, I can lose myself, Disney World, Universal, New York, California, but I’ll be just as happy, holding my son’s hand, you carrying our daughter and going to see a movie, “Trolls” was awesome. Can’t forget about my first born though, I want him to see the beach someday, and are you honestly going to ask me what I do to unwind or how about what you want to do, you saw me today though, blanket and bed.

Not that I don’t get wild from time to time, of course, you know me, so if they haven’t closed down the “Ranches” in Nevada yet or how about we go and see what Japan has to offer us, I mean “Hotels” and all. Am I that much of an explorer… yeah most days I’m looking for the darkest corners, but I want you with me, and maybe life won’t look like, well as it does now; me In Da Club, Time Out For Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, every day I write the book or NOT, I found out it’s too late to submit a short story for competition but still, it’s not only a goal to write, it’s my purpose if that is the truth. “Always Write The Truest Sentence.”

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 113 ~Always Write The Truest Sentence~

Fifty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, is there a fairer sentence these days, the first words of a short story I still plan on writing, all those missed sentences I didn’t read at work as I signed my name, how about the death sentence I hope has known conclusion, somebody getting fired. The truth of the matter is that first sentence; if it doesn’t do what is needed then the last sentence doesn’t matter now does it, and when it comes to you and the others, the concept of making a million dollars is it.

It sounds a lot better than, I’m getting in her pants this way or that way; already I’m beginning to look like a hypocrite, but damn do you know everything that a million dollars could get done simply. When I was a child, it used to be what two-hundred dollars could do, and like my money my sentences have grown as well and again like my finances, this is not always a good thing. My money and my writing have to speak for me because more often than not when I talk out loud, it’s not the real me and you know I despise liars but take this as true; if anything I’m an artist.

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.” ― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta (Goodreads)

I can’t say I rightly know what people find out about themselves when they read my writing but for the majority, when I speak I find out they are shit human beings, of course, there are exceptions “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” yeah I can’t even name a few I can be myself around. So am I Will, when I’m writing… now that would be terrifying, a guy that would rather be with machines than people, a sadistic photographer who does everything to his victims, a vengeful cult-leader? Who do I want to be tomorrow, hell who do I want to be from minute to minute, this is more a question for Lady Sophia, but I’m not going to get to my short story today am I.

Love The Way You Run, working title of course but now I’m stuck on writing the first sentence, but it’s more like the story I tell myself when I first leave work, what did the general manager say “read between the lines.” First there have to be lines, and then there are words and somewhere in all of that junk lies me and if only someone would care to look but the fact that I’m not writing means *sigh* I don’t want to be found; is that the truth or a lie dear Madam Justice, Always Write The Truest Sentence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 112 ~Willie It’s Cold Outside~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I was too hot, this past week I was too cold, so when will I have a week when I’m just right, can’t say the people, precipitation, or my purpose are helping, considering I’m stuck in the day job, gratefully. “Willie, It’s Cold Outside”

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Episode 112 ~Willie It’s Cold Outside~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, cold hard cash as it were, I can’t say I have made any headway in such an endeavor but perhaps you may if work keeps being work and you find yourself stuck there. Isn’t that what we don’t want, a man of contradiction deciding between what needs to go out and what needs to stay in and the MILF isn’t helping though I steered clear of the porn… for the most part *cough* “Goblin Slayer” *cough* right.

If I’m not talking about that bit of hardness, how about what I think I did, I mean I still don’t know right, I reported “Dumbest” and this past week I haven’t seen him, I treat the day job like my life, and here I’ve gone and taken someone’s… possibly but good riddance. The world can be a cold, cruel, and complicated place, a lesson that must constantly know exploration, but you know better to go wishing on a star, hell with how you have worked today making up for my “shortcomings.” Should that go on the list, stop comparing everything to penis size, if it’s not all the pretty girls, it’s the dicks you work with and if I could have focused more on you know, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 016 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Church. (Church #1) By Stylo Fantome
Completed
4. I Will Review “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Completed
5. I Will Finish Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

A 67 D, and the only person getting it is me but what about you, no excuses but you have $400.00 in your wallet that is more than enough for the kid’s meds, a bath, and getting those nails clip; I gave up two off days to make more money; Treachery is the Ninth Circle of Hell you know. You have plenty to talk about with Inspector Echo and Dirty Diana, but of course, you’re stuck, frozen, fearful, and forgetful except to all that scares you, no wonder your character in the novel is known as a Dragon. Philosophy, one of the questions you will face is how to break the ice, that is without melting; pieces of you are okay, these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Write A “Horror” Short-story
5. I Will Finish Depredation By Natalie Bennett
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

You should probably review something else but when’s the last time you’ve had a clear inbox, hell there’s still one email from last year, we’re stuck with women on the brain, and again it’s not like you’re going anywhere you want this week. Better to stay bundled up when you can, harden your heart, which is the least of your sins, and follow my example of how to keep your pants on no matter the cosplayer, pornstar, English tart, or incredibly hot MILF, I mean seriously Willie It’s Cold Outside.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 111 ~One Way Will Work~

WillLeave a comment

Let’s give the boy a hand as the song goes, failed to get fired, to be completely lazy though if I heard the voice on the PA right but how often am I right, after all, I work retail, and that’s not working for me. One Way Will Work, such is hope

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Episode 111 ~One Way Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, last week I talked about going to work and how scared I was of losing my job and is it sad that nothing has changed about that; yes I am grateful, but the thing about any of the employment I’ve held is that I’ve wanted to go. Writing has its good days, and off days, but with the day job there is mind-numbing terror every day, hateful, half-sick, hiding but never hopeful, hell I have PCH for that, and I screwed that up too; my mailing will never make it before the deadline to be sure.

The thing is, what I will do for writing, start a blog, chug a 5-Hour Energy, drive to the library, the money I have spent wasting my time but that makes me feel better than the day job ever has. Hell take today as an example, I researched where to buy stamps so I can mail that stupid PCH letter that won’t make it because that gives me a hope that the rest of this week has never brought me. I know you must be asking yourself Lady Lu why I’m ragging on the day job so much considering, some announcement I’m not even sure I heard succinctly that scared me enough to think I’m losing my job, that does nothing.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison

That is how I feel at work Luna; seven years I’m not sure how many days but not one of them has brought me hope, happiness, or hunger, indeed I’m more likely to puke my brains out and don’t get me started on the bathroom situation again. So like my friend “Okay” suggest, write the book, get published, do the work, one of my motivations talks about how to get rid of fear, but how does one stop Sloth, today still sets the perfect example because how much have I gotten done. One book review written up, picking up stamps, and now talking to you, and once again I believe there is a chance of winning the big sweepstakes; the deadline is the 22nd and tomorrow’s Sunday, so there’s that.

Writing should be my only plan, but I can’t break free, at least not intentionally, a fight, a feeling, getting fired and that brings up a random writing concept… what’s with me and “Alliteration” these days, it’s quite fun with titling my Pinterest “Spank Bank” as Cherry calls it but how many times have I used this writing trope today? Thousands of words that haven’t worked but how do I know, I know retail isn’t but with so much Lady Lu, do I still believe, One Way Will Work?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 110 ~Enemies Wills And Writes~

WillLeave a comment

Who doesn’t have an enemy, you could be sitting in a monstery and Tibet, and some monk is giving somebody grief, and how much is a shiny rock in comparison to a weapon. “Enemies Wills And Writes”

Friday, October 19, 2018

Episode 110 ~Enemies Wills And Writes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, isn’t it ironic that we spend more on our enemies than we do on our friends, I swear cruelty can be exhausting, and I have a new “respect” for those that practice it. Any writer must know a thing or two about suffering and fear; I don’t care if you’re Mother Goose, and I love my son like pancakes and can give you a million stories, but of course, the last one will hurt the most, a great fear Lady Sophia.

When that day comes, but no worries today about him, only why don’t I write about him more… because when would I find the time to write something good, when there is so much evil in the world. Worry about everything else, that’s what I do, like today at the day job, one enemy said something over the PA, hell I wish there was a memo I misread so I wouldn’t be killing myself over it. What a weapon a voice is, and don’t get me wrong I do believe that the pen is mightier than the sword but that doesn’t stop me from owning a few weapons and what is a weapons purpose, what is a writer’s reason hmm?

“The artist’s job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.” ― Woody Allen Midnight in Paris: The Shooting Script (From Goodreads)

Words are just so potent as a weapon, am I writing a will, a want, how about a warning, it’s a good thing I didn’t give one of those to an enemy right; I still haven’t seen him since last week, and I would almost be giddy if it weren’t for today. Working today *sigh* I had so much time but that’s the real problem, most days I’m my worst enemy, and while I’m not a killer, I’m a pretty decent sadist next to one group in particular. Women, before you freak out, I would never consider women the enemy, this is more keeping myself in check but as much as I hate to admit it, and I have several times, why did I go back to blogging these days.

Writing is not my enemy, to me, it’s like limping off the battlefield and asking myself the question of what will I do with the rest of my life, what dream was there before the war, what dreams may come after, why is there no longer anyone to fight. Wickedness that I can create enemies out of my imagination isn’t it, and OCD mixed with some paranoia doesn’t help but when you know what haunts you, hurts you, and makes you horny well then you have something to write about, so Enemies Wills And Writes.

I Will Have No Fear