Tag: Fear

Log 223 ~Will The Real Owners~

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“Freedom Ain’t Free,” as the song goes, it’s why I think a billion dollars is a fair price, to feel at one point it was $200.00 or do I value myself far too much; the things that people get out of my pretty cheap. Will The Real Owners.

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Log 223 ~Will The Real Owners~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if you were too, what would you spend all that money on anyway. Let’s say besides women, of course. You’re not a Christian man, well unless I find religion in the next two days (Thursday Night). Vengeance is mine saith the Lord, I heard from someone. Please don’t freak out, and I know you won’t, but everybody else. While we’re talking expressions, here’s another, a penny for your thoughts. Now you need to be like The Band Perry and “sell’em for a dollar.” Okay, what I’m saying is you don’t own a “darn” thing, not even your thoughts; it seems sometimes.

Let’s start with today; for example, I emailed the roof guys. It was an easy question, are you the owner of the house. No, I’m not; it belongs to my Olds and you know how I feel dealing with them. Can’t I pay $375.00 and get rid of that humming finally, how long has it been now. Isn’t it ironic? I bought the TV, the PS4, the games, all my books, I could continue. All of it is in that room, and I can’t enjoy any of it anymore. The bed I’m sleeping in isn’t mine so where do I get off trying to share it with someone. Even my best friend in the world, My Dæmon, isn’t mine. I didn’t pay for him and he belonged to my sister at first. If I open the door or the gate, would he come back? He deserves his life, and if I could talk to him, I would ask if he’s happy here. I should be asking myself about, well you know what, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Completed

I can take credit for one success and five failures. If anything, it’s like I’m an undertaker burying the same list week after week. Well, there will be a few changes, of course. I guess I can say the plan is mine or well yours, on top of everything else. You’re inheriting my anger from the Day Job with “Coal.” Chances are you’ll keep that humming for another week. I’m saying it “damn, Damn, DAMN,” how I’ve been avoiding that word. Do you want to know what belongs to you to be honest? Yes, Failure but also Fault and Fear. Of Course Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting Rid Of The Humming From The Roof
  6. I AM Finishing Siren by Hazel Grace

Don’t put the blame on me, Will The Real Owners.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 222 ~Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More~

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SHE said I have anger problems, and yes, that makes me mad because it means I’m like my father, or as Master Yoda puts is Fear leads to anger, and then to hate, but perhaps I have other qualities? “Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More.”

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Log 222 ~Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be mad. Now I won’t lie to you; if I were part of the 1%, I would be angry losing my paper. I’m not even close yet, but I hate spending money. Yes, I know Lady Lu, this coming from the man that spends money on GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS. Isn’t that exactly why it’s taking so long to talk to you tonight? Last night I was plenty angry with Trump, and so I am tonight. A wealthy white guy is proving once more that his kind can get away with anything. Only this is supposed to be about me, am I right?

A Wednesday night because I don’t feel like getting up Thursday morning? Lady Lu, that’s something that makes me angry, my laziness. I spent another afternoon not doing anything for myself. No, I slept only to wake up to the 1% doing away with the law. I would say than anger takes a lot out of me, but yeah, I did the same thing yesterday. Today though, I almost lost it with “Coal.” I let pretty girls get away with a lot but the ugly ones? Okay, so you’re telling me that’s not nice, but I do mean her personality; for the most part. I finished Dennis Hof’s book on Audible again today. It only got me madder at myself that I can’t be him. Well, I could, but that would require me to get off my behind. I tell Cherry that sometimes if I could only get to work and I shouldn’t even be talking about her. Black Pantyhose/Stockings and “Fechikano!” and that’s that.

So we have early mornings, STUPID people at work, and my lackluster attitude if it’s not my chosen field. What about other stuff I can’t do, the humming is still going on Lady Lu. I could make a call, but what about tomorrow? What about my forgetfulness? Did I say something about leaving the trunk open all night before once?

If I can’t trust myself with every day, how can I remember even to make a phone call, as I would? I still miss Far Cry 5 and reading, don’t I? “THEY,” say we have two wolves inside us, and they worked together to eat a third. There’s HATE, and there’s FEAR. Always hungry, never full, Angry, WILLful, Arrogant, More.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 221 ~Sounding Off Someday Will~

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Another week of research on noise and it sounds like it could be the turbine on the roof but that’s coming from the mouth or fingers of a stranger but my head if nothing but a racket so anything to read in silence. Sounding Off Someday Will

Friday, February 7, 2020

Log 221 ~Sounding Off Someday Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and with that, I know, money is pretty loud. If I can’t read in silence, I might as well learn about the noise. Well, that explains why I’m talking to you tonight. I’ve already said I don’t like waking up early though I should. Yes, Lady Sophia, I wasted one more day on sleep. My grandest accomplishments today, I fueled up the car and took care of a few emails. Tonight (Tuesday), I should be watching the State of the Union. In all fairness, I couldn’t stand all the fawning, and the “Black/Minority Parade” Trump has.

Tomorrow will be all abuzz with his lies and his defenders. I swear what else am I going to do besides watching that or YouTube. Again this is a night without reading or Far Cry 5, and of course, you know why. I miss My Study, Man Cave, Fortress of Solitude; that’s not my bedroom. When it comes to bed, of course, this is the last place I should be now. I’m still watching UnidentifiedSFM, and I haven’t even checked on Jada Chan. Now, if you look any of that up, My Lady, that’s your fault. Anyway, I’m going crazy this being Day 4 of you know what. Of course, there is still the humming, and did I tell you I have a lead on the racket now. It makes it much easier to handle when you know that something can end someway, somehow hopefully.

Wow, saying any word with “LY” immediately triggers Hemingway, Grammarly, or both. I want to be a better writer Lady Sophia, more than anything, but haven’t I said I don’t sound like myself. At this rate, I should join the chorus on the roof. Now if it’s not only weird sounds, it’s an echo but no disrespect to Inspector Echo, I’m only saying the same thing on repeat. I hate being unoriginal, but worse is an ignored voice, you know. I tried showing off to A&W the other day, but he didn’t want to hear it at all. Of course, that leads to the worse sound of all. My money, falling into nothing and hollowing out my bank account. Even the fear of strangers and my Olds; SIGH, that’s what got me into this mess. I can’t read about another world yet, a better place; I’m Sounding Off Someday Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 220 ~Will Rides The Three-Way~

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Didn’t someone say that three is a crowd, and I know someone who wouldn’t be willing to part with their bed spot if Daddy decided to have some company or even more than my video camera? Will Rides The Three-Way

Thursday, February 6. 2020

Log 220 ~Will Rides The Three-Way~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that’s far more than two girls at the same time. Hell, I’ve made it no secret that I want to have a brothel, several, I want to be the next Dennis Hof. Since I haven’t been reading much these days, well, I did finish one of my Six Impossible Things. Anyway, I’ve been listening to The Art of the Pimp again on Audible, trying to get inspired. It helps to get through the Day Job, not playing Far Cry 5 or reading, and the humming. The last thing I’ll say about that is I believe I have found the cause, now for the cure?

Before that, though, haven’t I said I’m a selfish bastard when it comes to money? Well, not when it comes to porn, and of course, I’m still basking in my recent purchase. Talk about making it rain, but always some girls would rather stay dry. How many times do I have to say stop? I’m only four days into NO FAP. I want to keep clean, but so many beautiful girls I become ravenous. Do you remember when I had that “Red Dawn” fantasy of Alice Little and Ruby Rae? Of course, I don’t have that much paper but thirty bucks what does that do for anything. I’m still in the shower imagining a mother and daughter combo. That is pretty tame considering what I bought. I’m again on the fence about sharing a woman. Two fighting for my cock, though, I swear that’s enough.

So much for being a man of my word because there is no such thing as enough, I want more. I’m talking Shusaku Replay appetite, desires that make some of Studio Fow’s work look holy. Even in the spirit of this, I looked at one of my Pinterest boards and saw the followers list up. Seeing that, I did another gallery starring twins. Don’t even get me started on another set of twins, well okay boobs. I was ready to give in to temptation; again, what I said to Cherry? I’m so out of it, I keep thinking today is Wednesday, me and my numbers. Four boobs and no one I have to share with, right? Two boobs and a young woman gangbanged by three dicks, not vanilla, Dirty Diana.

I’m better off getting up. Instead, Will Rides The Three-Way.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

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Well the hum drove me out of the Den once again, no Far Cry 5, watching wrestling from bed and letting people know about my problems; as I told someone today, it’s another day. Will Changes His Tune

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I “know,” the Law Of Attraction is what it is and such. Now I’m not jumping back on the positivity train. Every day, haven’t I said something about the humming? Well, that makes it hard to listen to Don’t Worry Be Happy. Inspector Echo, it’s getting to the point that I don’t know what to do with myself if I don’t hear that buzz. I’m also not one to join in the Super Bowl festivities. Yes, it’s still Sunday and am I jumping three days ahead now, not tonight.

If anything, I don’t want to get up earlier than I have to again. Somehow or another, I was able to tear myself away from my latest acquisitions to talk to you. Why do I need more noise in my life? You know, half the time, breathing is a little much for me to contend with, but here I am. Only isn’t that what I was telling the neighbors this evening? Inspector Echo, that’s how bad it’s become, that I’m reaching out to strangers for help. The truth is, these are my neighbors, but didn’t I ever learn stranger danger. Don’t remind me of how my grandmother scared me STUPID that I’d get kidnapped. I remember for a few weeks, I slept with a whistle around my wrist. Nowadays, it’s a ton of hardware and a bunch of alarms about the Day Job, avoiding lateness.

Yet didn’t I say I wanted to change my tune, and this is sounding a lot like the usual. How I miss the silence “My House” once gave so willingly. At least this morning, I was panicking for another reason. The car was frozen over, and I had to fight through the ice. Still, more of the usual Inspector Echo, how I do whatever it takes to get to places that I can’t stand. So, of course, this afternoon, all I did was lose myself to a dream. Imagining the place I want to be instead of making inroads there. If it’s any consolation, I did come up with a few ideas for further conversations. Now, if I wanted to hear anything right now, it would be dead silence. I think now the problem could be the plumbing, so I want to snake the toilet.

I’m sorry, was that too much, these problems, what about solutions; Will Changes His Tune.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

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Replace “talk” with “write,” I write too much, plus I’m a low, middle-class black man and things wouldn’t turn out so hot under the law but then look at the president and why one of my favorite songs is I Wanna Be Rich. To Talk Means A Vocabulary hmm

Monday, February 3, 2020

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

Hundred And Twenty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have three different rules about money. None of them say money talks though it’s the meaning. You know I usually tell you I don’t mean to be political. However, these past few days have all been people talking about what they say and language. I tell you about all the humming/buzzing going on in “my” place. My dæmon tells me everything, and he’s never uttered a word. My Mom would tell me my “Father” loves me, but if anything, that’s said with so much cash.

Is that where I get it from, hmm? I wouldn’t say I love my membership with SubscribeStar Adult, but I still forked over $20.00. How about Jada Chan, that was another $10.00. Indeed, money is a universal language, and I don’t like what mine is saying. Oh yeah, I’m still downloading, though, aren’t I? My money tells me, I’m going to be working at the Day Job for the rest of my life. How about I’m not worth much, so I’m not getting that “lettuce” both for tacos and my experience. All my green is telling me goodbye every single day despite what Trump’s tax plan says. Okay, as Eric Thomas would say, let’s get away from money though he has plenty. What about Grammarly and Hemingway? You know I use them to check my writing daily, and I don’t even sound like myself anymore.

For the most part, I sound like a pervert, for example, the way I talk to Cherry. What about the reason I talk to M Anime? There’s also how I organize “certain” files in my universe. It’s as if I’m walking around with a gag all the time. Speaking of time, I should say this before I run out of time and words. Four hundred words a day, or I try. Anyway, if what I speak isn’t inappropriate, it’s downright STUPID. One of these days, it will take over as number one beating the term “Skeevy.” Again I keep writing because words like sorry, hate, and basic you know what doesn’t cut it at all. I talk about being honest, but that usually turns out being, precisely what people think I am. Madam Justice, I value the power of knowledge but take a look around.

I want to learn to speak loudly and clearly, ROAR. To Talk Means A Vocabulary

I Will Have No Fear

Log 216 ~Will And His Hum~

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I’m a fan of hundreds and hugs from pretty girls but not so much hunting and especially humming but somethings you learn to live without or live with and so as Elsa put it, here I stand, and here I stay. Will And His Hum

Sunday, February 02, 2020

Log 216 ~Will And His Hum~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you would probably spend it all on a soundproof room. Of course, I’m not only saying that because it’s Super Bowl Sunday. As always, here is your reminder that today is Friday. Yes, I continue to travel through time, and perhaps you will as well. I’ll tell you, yesterday I was all but ready to kill myself trying to destroy this humming. There’s always a worse sound, my friend, something to remember. I scrounged up what little courage I could find, and then I listened for but a moment to something.

$180.00, I still recall when I thought that $200.00 would solve everything. All this morning, I was going over the books, $1,500.00 to my Olds, $220 for the Alamo Fund, and other investments. Anyway, so the people say $180.00 for them to stop and listen, no thanks. What about skeevy? Yeah, that is something I’ll never forget as I’m sure you won’t. Here we are, in year three, and I can’t let go of my hate. What evil men “will” into existence? Not to get political, but by the time you see this again, Trump will be a free man. One more reason the hum should count as a blessing. I’m sure plenty of crazy people will be shooting in their celebrations. While we’re talking about guns, what about Far Cry 5? I missed playing two days because I was hunting the hum but not those SIGH Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente
    Failed

I’m sure this has become your hum, the endless drones of 0’s passing by day by day. I wonder, will you be the one to turn the tide. Today there was the sound of me trying to keep the kitchen clean, making my bed. I do apologize that come Sunday you’ll still be hobbling along because of what I did to your big toe. You’re a survivor, though, so is your Dæmon. Breathe in, breathe out as your motivations would say. For the love of everything, though, will you stop talking to Cherry in a “certain” way? No more dreaming about “Specs,” either. You also have $200, but no girl is going to put up with this humming since you won’t pay that, $180.00 hearing. Time for Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Getting My Second Car Fixed
  6. I AM Finishing A Naughty Little Christmas by Lili Valente

I’m sure you’ll break again over the humming, but today it’s almost like fuel. Escape it, Will And His Hum.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

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Every little bit of silence, I feel hope, funny I didn’t mention how my phone has scared me with every single sound and was that only last week, and now I need more noises to terrify me 24/7? The Will Is Silence, I hope.

Saturday, February 01, 2020

Log 215 ~The Will Is Silence~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I know why people pay so much for silence. It’s always my fault, you know, everything. Now Lady Lu, that’s some noise. The voice inside my head. And not the hum that’s coming through loud and clear now that I’ve cut the fan off. You know how often I talk about gratitude, the one point all my motivations agree on; it never fails. I should have been grateful for the ants last year because even that beats the constant humming. Had I kept my work ethic to see Alice Little, I would have more than enough money to not worry about the problem I’m facing.

A horse, how about my kingdom for a ladder? While I’m speaking on standing tall, I should work on growing a spine. Well, I did get a haircut, but I hesitated at the post office. I wouldn’t honk at the person at the drive-thru, and instead, I was going around. My biggest sin of all? I didn’t call back the electrician on this humming, and why? I’m afraid Lady Lu, of being in the way. The sun keeps rising, the world keeps spinning, and I don’t want to bother anyone. Today I bought a stethoscope trying to hear through the walls. Tomorrow I might buy a ladder so I can get to the roof myself. I’m not suicidal, but I would indeed kill myself before asking for help. Even dying, somebody would have to go around me, and so like I said yesterday, I’m Alive.

How about my poor dæmon, he must be going crazy with the noise, but he stays cuddling me wanting to help. He’s getting too old for all the foolishness though he still barks from time to time. My ear still hurts, and I ran over my big toe with the garbage can trying to make it to the roof. I could have fried myself with all of those switches trying to kill the noise. My greatest wish is for silence, especially now, one more day where I’m not reading. I’m still looking towards my future, so will the next two days come around, and I will be laughing about this problem? What about next Saturday, if I’m not crazy by then or my kid goes all Children of the Corn.

Somehow, One Day, only a second The Will Is Silence.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 214 ~Willie That’s A Series~

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Last week I thought it was the neighbor’s wall, then their satellite dish, something they have making that awful racket, now it could be my wall, the plumbing, or the plug outlet, so much reading on humming. Willie That’s A Series

Friday, January 31, 2020

Log 214 ~Willie That’s A Series~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not much of a reader. If I were, I would tell you I finally read my latest novel. I might not be worried about what happened here today though My Dæmon is none the worse for wear. At this time I should be playing Far Cry 5 and telling you a story about a fish. When I woke up early today, I wanted to speak on ending that damn humming. Why can’t I tell you there are no more pains or scars? How about I wasn’t “late” to the Day Job? I defeated that infernal humming; no, only I’m alive.

Sometimes, that’s all you can say; I’m alive. The story of my life has yet to reach its end. Count your blessings, my motivations say, and again breathing is one. I had a good lunch today. For once, the kitchen isn’t a bloody mess because I woke up early to clean it. Excuse the language, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Cherry use the term “bloody,” but it sounds English. I’ve also had Game Of Thrones on Youtube. Pretty unwise, I did catch up on my sleep this afternoon. My Day Job wasn’t bad, though again, I got that question of what you’re doing here. I’ll give them credit for having the courage to ask me because I won’t ask myself. I’m listening to another playlist. I don’t have the money for Audible, but I still have Dennis Hof’s book.

His story ended years ago, but there is no shortage of tales in this world. One more reason I’m hesitant to finish Naughty Little Christmas somehow. From what I’ve read, this leads into a sequel and possibly another series. I’m more of a book traveler than a time-traveler, or I would like to believe. I want to learn something new every day, and isn’t that my rules, my writing reasons, things I’m grateful for, Lady Sophia? Indiana Gone is out there, starting a new chapter with her hubby. My other friends are moving forward, the best way they know-how. If anything, I’m stuck on the same page and that even opening my eyes is a victory. Let’s not start on my novels that are a series, and I have no idea how that happened, but the fact is I’m Alive.

How many copies of myself and Willie That’s A Series?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 213 ~Will Pulls An All-Nighter~

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In one ear, out the other, too bad, I’m usually thinking about filling other holes, and if only the one in my bank account were full, I would be all set and wasn’t I trying to hire a maid once but now some company’s coming. Will Pulls An All-Nighter.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Log 213 ~Will Pulls An All-Nighter~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so it’s been a while since I’ve slept alone? If I had a million dollars, what would be the first thing? Two girls at the same time? Life goal to wake up with a naked lady every day. Talk about facts for today. Well, I’m trying not to; I’m sick, scared, so slightly aggravated, etc.

What ticks me off more than having a chance at tits and fucking it up somehow. How about my “father” coming for a visit and leaving my dæmon all alone with him? Yeah, you can see where a naked lady would come in handy for somethings, Diana. More than sex?

My motivations always discuss not living in the past but those that don’t learn from it SIGH. There was the time that lady needed money, but what would she do to get it, hmm? I gave her five bucks for nothing, and let’s not talk about my views on charity. Only is my cowardice any better? These past few days, it’s been rough. I haven’t had to worry about convincing pretty girls to do anything. The porn is helping for moments at a time, of course. Finally, I’m still pretty mad about last night. Dirty Diana, I couldn’t figure out to help Cherry, so why bother asking her anything else. Now tell me when’s the last time the tech support guy fucked. Now the nerd always gets in some girl’s panties. Chances are it wouldn’t have happened regardless. It’s like Leonard wanting to give away his stuff because of Penny.

All night I worked on poetry. When it wasn’t that, I was trying to fix the computer, and still, I’m wary of the piss-poor job I’ve done. The things I do for women and I can only wish that it ended there. Tonight I should be cleaning the house. Why, you ask? The bug man is coming around and again, my father. I’ll be up listening to that humming too. As the song goes, when you worry, you make it double. Yes, I’m fearful, and I don’t even want to talk about it. Only it’s more like desperation these days. I also thought about taping aluminum foil to the window. Well, since you’re expecting some sex? A fantasy of mine is tying a woman up in ribbons from medals and beauty queen sashes. Not my night, Will Pulls An All-Nighter.

I Will Have No Fear