Tag: Honesty

Lesson 360 ~A Fool For You~

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Name calling, I’m guilty as charged myself, but I will never be one to prescribe to the old rhyme of sticks and stones; my father had one particular name for me, and I refuse to feel that way, NEVER AGAIN. A Fool For You or someone probably

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Lesson 360 ~A Fool For You~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, well if I can make you laugh, I can make you do anything? I’m willing to do almost anything. You heard me right I said almost because I’m not *sigh* stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I’m A Fool For You all men are for their women, we can be idiots, hell I swore I’d figure you out someday, and here I am continuing to wonder Are You Into Me and why.

I’m not a smart man… but I know what love is. ― Forrest Gump (1994)

In high school I took a class in French, the language of love and I never got anywhere with it, I had a hard time just speaking English to you, but I learned, I evolved because the first time I saw you well, my heart skipped a beat, I had to catch my breath and my footsteps… They say silence is golden, but I Can’t Help Falling In Love with you, the way you smiled, how your eyes lit up, the way you touched me, your words, almost every one of them, again almost. Only a fool thinks anyone is perfect and I never asked to be a wise man just your man, and if that makes me a fool, well you laughed right along with me, and that’s enough.

Even though I call myself Le Maquis de Joker I only wanted one person to laugh, maybe a few more with the kids, but I’m not good with dad jokes, neither was my father and that’s the reason I say almost. I Will Do Anything For Love, but I won’t do that, and I don’t mean making jokes. Before I even started talking to girls, I wanted to be a comedian because they made people laugh, and before you ask I still hate clowns but for the kids, for you… I won’t be a joke, I can’t, I won’t ever, I’m no genius, but I refuse to be stupid or even thought of as such, I will not be STUPID for you ever; I can take a joke, but I will never be a joke in my home NEVER AGAIN.

“Heh… C’mon, Leslie… can’t you take a joke?”

Leslie Zevo: “Oh yeah! I love jokes! I love all kinds of jokes. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like people trying to kill me, hurting my family and my friends, and destroying the whole world as I know it. That just doesn’t sit well with me.” ― Toys

Call me whatever you want, your husband, lover, Will, you don’t even have to talk to me at all because you know there are days when there are no words but if there is one I will not stand for, that I refuse to feel it’s stupid, never but always love A Fool For You.

Matchbox Twenty ― Mad Season

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

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We see what we wish, you can’t see air, but I still breathe right, they use the same argument for God; I’m not looking for breaths or it, I’m looking for is power, whatever it is that makes people move, myself included. “The Force Is With You”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

Thirty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, because despite all this hate and everything else love continues to exist and no I don’t believe love is “The Force” it is not one emotion or even several, it is something much more? According to Star Wars which I am an avid fan of The Force is an energy field that connects all living things and is generated by living entities… I believe that more than any God.

I am not a religious man though I did have a period in my life when I sought out God though I mistook that for what I truly desired and that Madam Justice is power in all forms though there are some I value higher than others. “Indiana Gone” and “Okay” might argue that I favor “The Light Side” goodness, knowledge, empathy, compassion, but hatred, fear, anger, desire is more of “The Dark Side,” and I can’t avoid it. Last night was an example, I was so tired, but it was lusting for something, rather than love for myself that kept me going a while.

It all comes down to energy and mine is at its highest levels when I feel hate, when I’m hot as Hell, have you ever been afraid Madam Justice, that is the force being with you, and while fear can be a weakness considering how long I have survived it can be a fantastic strength. The same might know acknowledgment for sex, that desire can infuse you with such power always to do what you wish regardless of anything else; it gives you what it takes to win. In a word, FIRE, sometimes it warms you, you can use it to burn others, it may even consume you, but every fire needs something to keep it going, when you’re all alone it takes little, in the darkness you need the light, and when fire surrounds you, either blend in or shine brighter than ever before.

“If you want to take the island you need to burn the boats.” —Tony Robbins

Now as I said, I am not a man of faith but do you want to know what The Force is, to me it’s getting up every morning and doing this for damn near a year, writing every day and for what? With everything that has happened, it is something that says this can be different; I do not want to live this way, I do not have to die this way, not if I am with The Force and The Force is with me Madam Justice, I must remember The Force Is With You.

“I’m one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

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I’m not happy that’s no secret but something people don’t like hearing about, amongst other things which explains why I don’t talk, well anywhere; places I can go, women I am into, but am I happy, my dog might not be. Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, to be honest love has not been the theme of this last week, and I only hope you can do better, mostly because of the dog, he needs you, and I need you to… what shake it off, let it go, try it again? Yesterday I was blessed, and tomorrow you will still be blessed but isn’t it ironic to have so much and to want more and you know exactly how to get it, or you have the faith which only adds to such confusion and fear.

Your fears should be tomorrow’s problem but when you were walking the dog this morning, you felt alive, not happy, it’s been so long since you’ve known that, not even satisfied, only you were “living” and with the concept that you could die at any moment. Spiders, snakes, people, hell I feel you, I had my hands on my knife when the AT&T guy showed up so if anything I didn’t want to die and while suicide is always on the table it’s under a stack of books, a pile of candy and the dog’s outside/inside routine. At first, I thought maybe we wanted to bury the fear from the “Al Bundy Shift” but since that’s finally canceled… why all the options and the list, of course, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 99** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 106** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of Psychopath’s Prey by V.F. Mason
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Prophet” By Celia Aaron
Completed
6. I Will “Edit” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Completed

“You Always Hurt The One You Love,” this is the second week, and even now the little boy is annoying you, another reason you’re a writer because you want to remember and not hurt him with some hasty word you can’t recall. Much like a pretty girl, I never forget a beautiful face “As Pink As Lily,” “Ariella Ferrera” (Ariella’s Areolas), “Lucy Blew,” “Alyssa Branch,” “Belle Noire” (Nasty Noir), “Cassandra Sarbeck” (Lady’s Night Blow Out) how many of these are mine and how many are yours? Too many damn options, it’s like you’re being torn apart at the seams trying to fill the void of however you were before, again why you’re a writer, listing memories and Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation

So the question is how do you cure your discombobulation, you need focus and discipline obviously on your craft, but you keep looking at the destination instead of the journey, captured by the past and shuffling towards the future. Happiness is nowhere for the moment, only desire, want, need; you’re sacrificing the wrong thing when it comes to your dog, no you must find something else to lose because I ask Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

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Freedom from everything but living, fear itself is my cage, and nobody is going to sign some paper to get me out, and that is one more reason I am a writer, though who listens to the crazies and the stupid… America. “Cleaning Out My Cages.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, now I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anybody, but I feel like a better man compared to the would-be president, hell I never put my dog in a cage but the groomers might have at some point, and that’s for less than fifteen minutes. Then again since he is a Chihuahua, though I’m reasonably sure he was born here, he was taken from his furry family and became my nephew and eventually my son; I don’t know my human nephews, but that’s a long story.

So besides not giving a rat’s ass about most human family and my dog’s upbringing what do I need forgiveness for today, on the one hand, there are things that should know freedom from cages, closets, coffers what have you and things that should be locked up. I did let my dog out today, going potty on the floor does not fly in this household, and he was mad I didn’t walk him early in the morning, too busy trying to put food on our table. That’s how I spend my life, and anything else is for the most part sleep, what do I know about freedom, considering my fascination with the “white room” concept.

By that I do mean my writing, hell most of these thoughts should never see the light of day, what would the bitch think (who cares), what would my mother think and “Indiana Gone” doesn’t mostly. Now a “penis portrait…” yeah that’s something crass though I know one woman that asked me and another sent me her nude pic, well they both did, I’m on day 102 of No Fap. If I weren’t konked out hours ago I would say I have a ton of pent of energy, rage mostly, so no sex or violence, I was nearly ready to open up the coffers and buy surprise, surprise, “Detroit: Become Human” but I still don’t have a PS4 and haven’t I wasted enough money Echo.

As terrified as I am about my Al Bundy shift, still no word on getting out of it I guess I need a release somewhere, but as I tell everyone, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. So forgiveness Inspector Echo, forgive me for putting up the gate and locking my son in his room, for not knowing what to do with my freedom, for making my mom cry (if she knew me), for not keeping it in my pants but I haven’t done anything stupid, edged some.

How about for wanting to waste money and for being scared though I am “trying” to keep my fears locked away; does popping myself with a rubber band regularly count as self-harm; one more way of Cleaning Out My Cages.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 353 ~Caged Hearts, Wander Away~

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My heart has a cage, and yet the love I feel is allowed to travel, and so I am not a prisoner, I am free to know what love is or at the moment empathy, even my dog is in a cage, but he went potty on the floor. Caged Hearts, Wander Away

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Lesson 353 ~Caged Hearts, Wander Away~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, I find love is not some finite resource, between me, and all the kids, including the four-legged one, you wonder why I want to make even more sooner or later my love. Speaking of which, where are the ones we got, I never pictured myself a helicopter parent or someone to relate to Trump but that’s why I have my first born Chihuahua outside surrounded by a high fence, I have to keep an eye on him and even you I believe.

Not in a Christian Grey sort of way; I trust you, and I love us, and I love my dog like pancakes, and as for our other kids, I love them like; hell, how can something so small create a love so gigantic? If only more people were like us, the idea of bringing life into this world of nourishing it, terrifies me because of the people out there and the people we become, it hurts me to lock up my furry friend how would I ground someone? As long as I don’t become a man like Trump or my father, heartless, thinking I can throw money at anything, favoring one life over another, violence *shudders* I want them to feel loved, proud, Live Brave.

“If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open.”
With Arms Wide Open

Sad that I look at my adopted son and see that he has become so much like me, so full of fear, anger, and hate, he doesn’t even like Star Wars, you do know I’m introducing Luke and Leia right… kidding Katniss, Tris, Ember, Lena, Bella, I could go on, and as far as boys, not Will, that tradition dies with my father. I want to introduce our children to a world full of hope, a place where they can choose because if we must decide for them or control them, then we have failed, they won’t go breaking statues or messing with gorillas. Everyone knows what I would do if someone harmed my first, may God have mercy on any who have no regard for what’s mine no matter the number of legs… as I said the things, we can become with such love.

Forever and always I want us to be a family, Mommy and Daddy, all the kids, nobody has a right to take that away from us no matter where we are as long as we love one another. I see so many parents alone or even losing their kids; I wouldn’t mind losing ours for a bit, because we’ll always be husband and wife as well; Caged Hearts, Wander Away.

Close Your Eyes And Wander

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

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I’ll forget so many things by tomorrow, and the things that I remember will probably haunt me for days on end because that’s the problem with pillows, they don’t do enough damage, and they don’t absorb enough punishment. Sometimes You May Even Forget

Monday, June 18, 2018

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

Thirty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again; if I’m lucky I’ll forget I asked, fortunate still if I never find out the answer, at least it will give me something to do, I’m the luckiest if I forget the whole damn day. I wish I could ignore that there was once a less busy time, a period of decompression if you will, like when I was living in my tiny studio “Intown Suites” and every day when I would return I would stand in the center of the room, paralyzed a while.

There was a time when I would come back to the house, and I would feed my dog, change into my comfy clothes and climb into bed within fifteen minutes and why; for me, if I could do that, then I could pretend the day didn’t happen. When I failed it meant I had to live with my life choices and that was only more failure, like today I slept too long, spent too much time looking up some Polish model on Pinterest, and how about my motivation? How many times today did I forget to pick up my feet, to speak loudly and proudly, to not give up to not quit, hell I picked up treats for the dog and a snack for myself, we walked, I put on my hoodie, and after lunch, I passed out without a second thought to my sins.

Madam Justice, to be honest, I have forgotten why I even wrote this rule but if anything sometimes it is a blessing to erase everything and the unfortunate part about that is that I can imagine a better time than now. However, unlike those, who say “It Gets Better” I only imagine worse both past and future and my god how I’m fighting to have hope for the present when all I want to do is “Scream.” It was too damn easy to forget that I even had a father for Father’s Day and you know I love my dog like pancakes, but I don’t recollect being his father sometimes when all he wants is to be loved, Madam Justice.

Things I wish I could forget, the bitch, other various brunettes that I see throughout the day everywhere like that model “Aneta Cetera,” how about lust, lunch, and of course love as it was today. What I’d like to remember, Detroit: Become Human, the fact that I want a future and at the “Same Damn Time” “I Want To Know What Love Is” but *sigh* Sometimes You May Even Forget.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 351 ~You’re A Leg Man~

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If only my legs, these hands, my heart would work as well as my ears, I need my body to know infusion with all these words I’ve been listening to lately and if women aren’t enough motivation, what will it take? “You’re A Leg Man” maybe

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Lesson 351 ~You’re A Leg Man~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, probably not when you’re always running from your past, excuse me did I say running, more like walking, shuffling, crawling, cuddling with the dog until he needs something which is the only way you get moving. No wonder you would stand your ground against the dead because most of them shuffle faster than you do but the point is you’re moving forward you only feel it isn’t fast enough and I can agree.

If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
Martin Luther King Jr. 1929 ― 1968

It occurs to me that you need a lesson on what your legs are good for, what your breathing means to you, and all the hours of the day you waste, I swear I’m going to sound like one of those motivational speeches you’re fond of nowadays. All that’s holding you back is you. Don’t you understand that; the day before finding out about your Al Bundy shift you couldn’t move and last night seeing the schedule is being redone you almost jumped for joy. Your legs have one purpose, and that’s to get you where you want to go, and I know they feel itchy, like a hundred ant bites… what happened there but your legs brought you to the table so what is an accomplishment, six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 92** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 99** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 100% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
Completed
6. I Will “Select” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Completed

Your son has four legs, and it’s about time you catch up to him, being the one thing I failed last week, talk about being ashamed, from locking him out of my bedroom to buying the wrong Dentastixs and not wanting to chase all over and now covering half of one in peanut butter… defeats the purpose. What about when it comes to girls, sure you want some girl to spread her legs for you, and yet you’re not ready to do all the running that is required, and it seems to me that maybe, pretty much always means no, so don’t be a “Flake.” Sex is the easy and so much fun, but you must focus on putting one foot in front of the other, and six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 99** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 75% Of Psychopath’s Prey by V.F. Mason
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Prophet” By Celia Aaron
6. I Will “Edit” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”

“Legs are for men’s pleasure; breasts are for babies.” (Lib McGovern) Pat Frank, Alas, Babylon

Speaking of easy this stuff is easy you want to know what’s hard, pick up your left foot, forward, put it down, pick up your right foot, repeat, put it down, and I don’t care how often you have to remind yourself of this but do it. People say you’re always running at work and do you know why, FUCK FEAR, you run because you don’t belong there, you run because your dog needs you, run because there is some unfuckable goddess who’s been waiting for you, or someone “easy.”

Get out of your head, stop staring at breasts on the internet, and move, don’t give up, don’t ever give up, because you can be the type of man you want to be, but for now You’re A Leg Man.

Run Boy Run by Woodkid

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

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Last week was about a few fandoms, but maybe the cure to all this is I should be a, but a star is always burning, always working not caring about what may lie around it until Hell; which is what I need. Freeze, I Never Freeze

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Lesson 347 ~Freeze, I Never Freeze~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, how that question chills my blood, as a matter of fact nearly any subject that catches me off-guard, that I don’t have the answer to; it’s almost like the roar of a monster. I wish I could apologize only for my fear, but sometimes there is also, “OBSESSION;” between love and madness lies obsession, and that’s what I have been dealing with this week, I need Hellfire to get warm, to be honest.

While I’m on a Disney kick, I want to believe I will “Go The Distance” but with all the things to fear in this world why is it that women are the most terrifying, personal experience and between the bitch, a girl to text, “Indiana Gone,” and more I’m frozen. I have a myriad of reasons including sleep, now maybe I’m just exhausted, but I spend all this time working for others, even today another author wants a damn review and yeah it helps to make connections, but then I continually freeze in my writing. Haven’t I pushed through two bouts of NaNoWriMo, finished a 120,000-word novel, have more than enough poetry for a compilation and what did I spend most of this morning doing here Inspector Echo seriously.

“I got that magic you call ADD” ― Two Fux

Now Inspector Echo I have never been diagnosed with that, but as I freeze embracing such fears, I stay freezing in my obsessions. When I want something I will spend hours on it, how long was I watching “Detroit: Become Human,” how long did I listen to “Hold On?” What was I doing this morning, lounging around playing “The Walking Dead No Man’s Land” and making sexual gifs of *sigh* Brandy Woods “The Cheerleaders,” Alycia Debnam-Carey “Fear The Walking Dead” watching Kim Dickens “Fear The Walking Dead” banging, pretending if only for a second, a minute, an hour I could have “Okay” or any girl like them. I like window shopping, and I can see my desires reaching for me, games, fame, a few things I should be ashamed of, but I plant my feet.

“Run boy run! Running is a victory” Run Boy Run

I can tell you I’m sorry but an apology is merely acknowledgement and you know I have a rule of taking lumps, of being willing to accept my punishment but the hard part, as hard as my little head, like the stone I feel in my belly, as hard headed as I am is to keep moving. So I am sorry for the time wasted, I’m sorry that my balls ache, I’m sorry that it hurts to write right now, but forgiveness comes not from acceptance or suffering but from being better because sitting here hurts; Freeze, I Never Freeze.

“Most of you don’t want success,
As much as you want to sleep!”
Eric Thomas

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 346 ~Everyone Says Hi Will~

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Why do I wake up in the morning, dog/kid has to eat and however do I expect to find him a mom and me a wifey not that I’m looking currently, what was I looking up all day today? Everyone Says Hi Will of course music for more playlists right

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Lesson 346 ~Everyone Says Hi Will~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, I suppose after your first cup of coffee or however it is you get up in the morning, and I should know, “I Wanna Know,” I need to know considering you wake up beside me every morning. Seeing you beside me lets me know that it’s a good life no matter what the day may bring, whether it’s my name on your lips, the cries of daddy from the children or the snort of my upset dog, it’s way too early sometimes.

How about for you my Sleeping Beauty, my Cinderella, would you like a kiss or would you prefer to dream, I wonder what I imagine right now because no dream girl could ever compare to you. Maybe I could use a few minutes more, but if there is one thing I could give more of its time and why ever would I want you to leave my side and if I get to admire the view it’s a win-win. What resides under our roof are the words and barks that matter and even the silence of my family, not the cold quiet of the family I grew up in but the family that we’ve created because Everyone Says Hi Will.

To think that word demands so much from me and yet when you wake up beside me all I wish to do is give; with only a kiss I feel like I can take on the world, you drown out all of my fears. A touch of your hand and “Baby, I’m Yours,” all Juliet wanted was Romeo to stay with her, and I’m sure “Mama Said” there’ll be days like this, days where all I’ll ask is for you to “Stay With Me,” or “Stay” a little bit longer. Yeah you know I like to wake up to music; if anything one of my favorite things to do is to wake up on Saturdays, and the two of us listen to some 40’s-50’s nuclear pop, my “Atom Bomb Baby.”

I don’t miss those Saturdays when my “father” would wake me up for haircuts and how I appreciate the dog protecting the kids from the big bad school day, as you protect me from the mean, cruel world, so what do you look forward to when you wake up? Seeing me, I expect miracles when you open your eyes, and you never disappoint, I love you means so much more when Everyone Says Hi Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 345 ~Dead Men Tell No Tales~

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No, I haven’t gone pirate, and “Grammarly” doesn’t count this as plagiarism, hell if it were I would pity that person and the world in general because there would be another me and I’m still alive. Dead Men Tell No Tales

Monday, June 11, 2018

Lesson 345 ~Dead Men Tell No Tales~

Thirty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, I have gone back and forth on wanting an answer, not wanting an answer, looking for it and before the end, I guess I want to know, more like I need to know. What would some autopsy say about me, what about all the fans I dream about having, my dog knows so many secrets… and what does my blood understand about me that isn’t some party line of bullshit?

How many times do I have to tell myself to answer the question why am I a writer and here’s another one, because I don’t want any lies; sounds strange doesn’t it that a fiction writer doesn’t want to lie but fiction isn’t lying per se. If anything I assume that should scare people even more but through my novels well… no one will write real stories about who I am, and already there are plenty of files about what people think they know. It’s also a reason to stay alive; sometimes I think my dog is the only reason I stick around and besides wanting him to be happy, because God knows I would never pull a “Fry” you know Futurama, leaving him waiting.

You know how they say, and they all lived happily ever after but no one lives forever, and nobody ever talks about they died merrily; peacefully, gentle, surrounded by family and friends but not happily. Rage, Rage and you can stop right there with me because the light has already died and all that’s left is the fire if that makes any sense; I mean there’s no sun to see. A stupid new rule but “Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire” and seeing how you know some men want to watch the world… maybe I want to see how it will be reborn but then I have to do something that I still hate, that’s survival.

History’s written by the survivors, I’m sure that’s a rule, or it’s another new one, but I’m sure I might have debunked it at some point, which leads me to another idea; I want people debating me, but I pray for the courage to stand and defend myself. Is this rule displaying a lack of faith in my words, even today I feel it might be a text that ends me, but I won’t worry, I won’t agonize, I won’t play dead until morning because Dead Men Tell No Tales.

I Will Have No Fear