Tag: Man

Log 047 ~Will And Another Day~

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It’s not perfect, and never happy; I lost track of what’s normal a long time ago, but at least I’m not sitting in bed having this conversation, I got out of my room, sitting at the dining room dreaming of better. “Will And Another Day”

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Log 047 ~Will And Another Day~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now and still can’t tell how I feel. Didn’t I say a couple of days ago that, money is presence? One more reason that I’m not Trump; I have higher aspirations. Morals, a mother, a lot more money. So what am I doing to live up to such standards? The Day Job is always another day. Hell Lady Lu at least I’m not grunting most of the time. Going to work leaves me braindead and does that beat being horny as always.

It’s been a day and some change. I know you think I’m a pervert but here’s a list of temptation. I saw Nour from “Bury me, my Love” in her underwear; boobs, I swear. Jada Jinxx is offering her collection of videos for $20.00. Haley Pullos, liked I quoted that song “Sunflower.” I’ve seen Riley Reid dressed as a schoolgirl. Oh, and I’m still fiddling with that pornographic coin I bought. Come on, Lady Lu even Think And Grow Rich speaks about sexual influences if used the right way. Again I could list all my heroes that used such passions. Everything I do is on the premise of getting girls out of their clothes without paying a dime. Something better, getting others to pay me to see them. Books, Brothels, booking modeling sessions of course.

Any day that I’m not living such a dream is ANOTHER DAY. When I was at the Day Job, I was looking for a way to be brave. Again I quote this song, “so don’t be brave, have a little common sense.” What about “if it don’t make dollars, it don’t make cents.” Somebody else said, “chasing hoes don’t get you paid.” I want to be the third little piggy if you know what I mean “The ROC “Just Fire.” Music is a blessing, Lady Lu, but I didn’t stay in bed as usual. It isn’t a blessing knowing or being scared of what’s going to happen next. Glass half full or half empty, if anything there is only the glass. At least today, I have choices if my body holds up. Again the Day Job is work, humiliation, sleep, conversation, repeat; what about today?

I have a shot at three impossible things today. I could flip a coin. Wasn’t I looking for a way for “money” to turn me on? Will And Another Day

I Will Have No Fear

Log 046 ~Will Tell Better Stories~

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Something to hold on to, a pencil, my fingers against a keyboard, hell maybe I just need to stay mad all the time; great stories come from pain, but it was all about pleasure, life hurts so much. Will Tell Better Stories

Friday, August 16, 2019

Log 046 ~Will Tell Better Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now but not sitting in a jail cell. Not saying success is a bad thing. Indeed, whether rhyme or crime I’m a get mine. I have rules though Lady Sophia, 365 to be specific. There are also more unwritten which led to last night? Yes, I’m back on “FAP” again. Hell, it was the only way I was going to finish last night’s conversation. Now, did I need to; hell no, my friend. Yesterday I went into Walmart saying I would find my dream girl. I’m funny.

I wish I could tell you I didn’t dream last night. Remind me to stop watching walkthroughs of Wolfenstein: Youngblood. Jessie and Sophie with their dad. Abby and Lothar; I have worse dreams in the shower. Then again I could get paid for writing these things, so how does Tillie Cole do it I ask? I could have gone to bed thinking about her book “Raphael.” The Catholic church hurts children we know. What am I so worried about with my rantings and ravings these days. If I’m not reading, what about Heavy Rain? I guess I don’t need the stress. What about saying I spent $20.00 to see some girl’s boobs. Again a sweet release kept me from doing something STUPID. I was planning on buying videos from somewhere. Ruby Rae’s boobs plus Alissa and Rebecca, times Haley Pullos:

I want to tell you a tale about being a better man Lady Sophia. This morning I even read a bit about “William Tell.” If only I could keep my eyes on the target. Today that target is our conversation and cutting the front yard. Also, my best friend, a.k.a, my firstborn needs his nails clipped now. I wish I were a better person to “M Anime.” Cherry is looking at a hard time now; people suck Lady Sophia. I shouldn’t say things like that at all. Am I addicted, obsessed? Again some know me as worse. I said before I can never only watch porn I study. For example, Alissa, real name “blank,” model for “such and such” from, let’s say “Narnia.” I have to know the whole story, but no last night, my hand was busy, well elsewhere.

My stories usually blow Lady Sophia. Yeah, I don’t get horny, I stay horny, it hasn’t even been 12 hours. Today, Will Tell Better Stories.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 044 ~The Shape Of Will~

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Last week I spoke a bit of looking down, and it seems like I’m still doing that, whether it be my phone, naughty books, or my wallet; hip to be square or more like a rectangle, not the worse of all shapes though. The Shape Of Will

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Log 044 ~The Shape Of Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, but not a star. Can’t say I miss Super Mario because my princess is always in another castle. There’s also the fact that I’m not feeling powerful. Where was I supposed to be at this moment in my life? Now if anything I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Should I apologize for ripping my heart out? I’ve been much too busy looking “down there” at the moment. At least it’s still in my pants, but it’s getting hard and pretty damn embarrassing; okay stopping.

Let’s get to what has me bent out of shape. Video games should be fun and a way to relax, right. I like Heavy Rain and all, but yes I’m out of practice and out of shape. Shaking that controller this way, and that has me breathing hard. At least it’s better than watching other people play. So what about watching other people fuck (LANGUAGE)? The first week is always the hardest, like any rehab. Still NoFap but not even hiding the fact that I’m watching porn. Hell Inspector Echo I wasn’t lasting three days when I was abstaining or trying at least. As for the “real” thing, I didn’t cave into the cosplayer. I’m still waiting to hear from Alice. I even started looking for a new “maid,” talk about a business opportunity SIGH.

As the song goes, it’s hip to be square. Only again, Heavy Rain isn’t helping; I saw Madison’s boobs. I’m reading another Tillie Cole book, “Raphael.” Should have learned from “Sick Fux” the author loves the taboo. Now If I could only go back to the nights of softcore porn watching. Inspector Echo, my life’s a cycle, a circle if you will; wake up, conversation, pretend to live. My son and I are in a rut. These are his golden years he should be enjoying himself. I keep saying I’ll give him everything but a million dollars in two weeks? Yes, I am ashamed of myself, there’s no way around it Inspector Echo. Could it be a love triangle? Yes, Tupac got around but as for myself. From the MILF to Mr. International, to the Stars. Yesterday I even went back to some erotic gaming.

So I am sorry life has me so warped and twisted. These past two weeks have been, again hard. I’m finding The Shape Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 043 ~Will To Be Ordinary~

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I’m anything but ordinary which is terrible; I know you’re much more than average which is a real blessing, like “Beauty and the Beast,” both different but somebody wanted Belle, and I don’t want you to see me like this? Will To Be Ordinary

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Log 043 ~Will To Be Ordinary~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and anything but ordinary. When I talked to a friend about my dream girl a.k.a you well you’re anything but typical. Open mouth and insert foot, right. Like something out of Firefly; Simon and Kaylee. Anyway as I was telling my friend, such and such, Nuclear Pop, Star Wars, Sci-Fi, Zombies. Hell at the moment I want you to tell me I didn’t dream up this or that. Better if you could help me find the note. Not that I’m making you my assistant or anything.

My wife, you’re my wife, that’s how I wake up every morning. Sort of like that dude who woke up from surgery and called his wife “eye candy.” Pet names all day, everything under the sun, my angel, my queen (minus the knife,) my miracle. Every day I don’t see you take off when I make jokes like that. How I’m only now getting into Game Of Thrones, and you’re still here. Honestly the first time ever I saw your face. One of these days I’ll stop speaking in songs, movies and TV, memes, and YouTube. I wonder how you would feel about that my love. Being a husband is still new to me, and I’m learning. I can’t say I’ve had many examples, one more reason we don’t visit most of my family. When we met, I’ll admit the last thing I was thinking about was gaining a wife.

I was thinking of Perfection, and that’s not right. In a way, I suppose I give myself more flaws because I wanted you so badly. Holding hands, dinner dates, meeting the folks, could only be my anxiety. The simple things, typical, shallow, only ordinary. Would you be one to survive a zombie apocalypse, a purge, some other world catastrophe? It always comes back to if I were the only boy, and you were the only girl. How I need something scarier than the man I am. One of the few times I didn’t stand by tradition asking your parents for your hand. Blessing, sure, and even that I can live without baby girl. That’s because we have blessings despite how I make money. Your beauty, your heart, the woman you are is more than ordinary. Ironic isn’t it that I want to be ordinary somehow.

Love shouldn’t be, why have the Will To Be Ordinary.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

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Am I going back to that, the world is going to end in “five minutes” mentality; if died today I would be embarrassed at everything, well other than reading another Tillie Cole novel but anyway. “Live Like There’s No Tomorrow”

Monday, August 12, 2019

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

Ninety-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but I didn’t do two girls at the same time. Now that’s only for starters for if tomorrow never comes? Well, I’ve thought about that plenty of nights. Most nights I don’t ever plan on the morning. Okay, my knives and my car alarm say differently. Those are more for my son, though. My motivations say to start every morning with gratitude. I’m grateful Madam Justice I am. Still, I sometimes imagine waking up and starting all over again.

Do any of us wake up and live the day we would be proud to die? So I wake up this morning to the TWD Rewards people treating me like I’m STUPID. Until only now, I had forgotten about that concern. Besides talking to you, I could use a cappuccino and a slice of cheesecake. Worrying robs you of the joy you might have so I owe myself a slice. You know the days are wrong when you pray for a zombie apocalypse. Hell, I want the days I stand a chance in if anything. Again living those “five minutes” and the world comes to an end. I’ve lived far too many suicidal days. There was the day I had Taco Bell and fell asleep downing Nyquil pills attempting an overdose. I’ve starved myself for at least a week, and nobody gave a damn. I’ve studied poisons, weapons, I write dystopias ha. Ironic, I see tomorrow for everyone else but myself; I don’t live now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fqUrOuaPTE

If I could have today again, picture it as so. I wake up next to my beautiful wife. I go to my office, and we talk well more like Lady Sophia and me because it’s a Friday. My wife and I make love in the shower, and then she cooks breakfast. We both see the children off to school, while my firstborn does patrol of the Estate. I pop in on a few of my brothels see how business is going. I visit my studio and work on a movie. Then it’s off to interview the newest crop of models. I pick up my kids, and they tell me about good days at school. Home-cooked dinner, in a loving home. A book before bed then me and my wife ravish each other. Who would need another Saturday? Never enough time right Madam Justice but to Live Like There’s No Tomorrow.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 041 ~What Is Will Fear~

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How does one make an enemy… please don’t make me quote Star Wars but let’s start with one word FEAR, and there is plenty of that going around these days and the methods to overcome it SIGH. What Is Will Fear

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Log 041 ~What Is Will Fear~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you fear you’ll never advance. Every day you get closer and closer to the end. No, not suicidal but first were the rules. Next came the reasons for writing. Sadly, you could conjure up 365 days of things you’re afraid of Will. Do you remember the movie Divergent? Tobias had FOUR fears. Tris had seven, one of those being intimacy. Here we go, can you not keep it in your pants this week. Hell I know I was all Halle Berry “Make Me Feel Good.” Who isn’t getting screwed by some white guy these fearful days?

You only want to get through the rest of the week. Let’s say the month without any more bells and whistles. No more warnings, not a bit of spam. Why aren’t you getting up on time? Fear keeps you awake. Yesterday I defined life as a labyrinth. You’re lost, and some unknown beast is chasing you. Now it could be an ocean, and you’re Jack Dawson. It explains why you want to stay warm in your bed. Fortunately, your love is small, and no, that isn’t penis humor. I mean the dog and my queen-size bed. The moment you leave this place, you have to start swimming again. As in the real pool, you never learned how. Those that should have taught you made you terrified of the water. There’s also bike riding for the record. Speaking of records, SIGH I failed Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry Compilation “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by
    Charmaine Pauls Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Fallen Genesis A Deadly Virtues Prequel

I’m not cocky because I was able to hit number six. It took over a month, and I was the lucky one. If anything it beats being terrified all the time and you are of course. So let’s get back to the inquiry of the day. What Is Will Fear? It’s looking at your phone in fear. The next message could be an attempted hack. There will be more spam, a friend warning you of something. You can’t talk about your kid anymore. Hell, something might happen to him in reality. Letting him down one more day for not cutting the grass. The next pretty girl with beautiful breasts you want to see naked. The one you should see naked come September. Another you have seen nude come October. Six Impossible Things abandoned and movies getting scratched. Far too many things to name here but that’s What Is Will Fear.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 040 ~Will And The Labyrinth~

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My life isn’t as interesting as Labyrinth and no way as sexy as “The V Game Series;” it’s only me against the wall continually smashing my head against it, and I’ll break before my Facebook Wall but then again? “Will And The Labyrinth”

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Log 040 ~Will And The Labyrinth~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now; can’t you see? Isn’t it ironic that it’s what I want everyone to know? Still these days the people that are looking at all. It’s the people who are making me out to be a clown. Besides Facebook, somebody attempted another hack last night. Those are the scariest, but the worst is from my son, my nephew, hell the man in the mirror. How I talk to myself all the time but please don’t let me be walking by a mirror and see myself, that’s terrifying.

I finished that book Beauty in the Broken by Charmaine Pauls yesterday. My life though feels a lot like something out of The V Games Series though. It’s a maze, and I’m fighting while everyone watches. I’m waiting to see which one of my sins is exposed first? What about people, running into my sister a few days ago. I go to the same restaurant for some reason feeling an obligation. Don’t get me started about September. I’m not a man of my word. October, of course, is “Indiana Gone’s” wedding. I’ll have to put my trust in someone to watch my kid. Dammit, I don’t even like saying his name anymore. The things I love are often weapons against me, that quickly. Sometimes I only want to disappear. Do I sound suicidal again, Lu?

I’m trying Lady Lu. I’m trying so hard to find other ways. It can’t be porn anymore; you saw how fast I gave in days ago. Even now thank you Instagram I found out about St. Mackenzie’s (School For Girls). It’s the things that bring us the closest to death that somehow grant life. The question is, how close do you want to get to such. Again last night, I started a new game, “Heavy Rain.” I feel so much better watching and playing than doing anything real. There was also the fact that I thought my PS4 had problems. I was looking at how I’m going to get to Indiana Gone’s wedding, a little vacay perhaps? At this rate, I’m giving out to much information you think. Everyone is looking, or one. Could be a damn robot wanting to send everything tumbling down whenever.

The only way I’m getting over these walls is a ton of cash. And not bouncing on boobs or watching them: Will And The Labyrinth.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 039 ~Will’s Going To Jail~

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Last week it was an addiction, this week its bail perhaps if my dream is any way accurate and I have plenty, one is being a great writer but what writing have I done lately or more to the point editing, prison time is slow time? Will’s Going To Jail.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Log 039 ~Will’s Going To Jail~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, or that would be true enough. Indeed, what have I done to warrant any jail time? Solicitation, well no let’s say a modeling job. Same with hiring a new maid after “Okay.” Speeding, haven’t stolen any porn lately. Matter of fact, I got a response from Whitney Wright about her film “Prom Night.” Such a fanboy, Morgan, Jada Jinxx, I can continue. Not a crime though, hell Dennis Hof got women naked all the time. My son is doing well but not doing my best by him always, that’s Hell worthy.

So only last night I was dreaming about crime, something to do with the Russians. You know I believe every dream has meaning and purpose. I imagined something happened to Cherry once, and she disappeared for days. She’s fine only wasn’t talking to me then. Anyway, I’m not MR. Trump, I don’t run around with Jeffrey Epstein. With that, I know the guy with Vault Girls got in trouble for characters. I know some Europeans that would do time in the US. I still admire, Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner, and Jimmy Stephens. Is the dream was telling me the hacker got more than I realized? I’ve had a few troubles with the cops that I never talk about somehow. Last time was a mistaken house. There was a suicide attempt years ago. I went to Juvenile Detention in high school.

The dream could be telling me that I need to grow up. What more do you want from me, Lady Sophia? From being “in love” with Jessica Rey/Alyssa Enrilé Power Rangers Wild Force? Now it’s porn stars Sandra McCoy/Kendall/Professor Kelsey Williams. Power Rangers “Femme Fatales: Extracurricular Activities.” Is my dream telling me I dig too deeply? As I said before, I’m not a stalker, but I need to know everything I can about a woman. Jada Jinxx, I found out she had videos on Pornhub for such and such an amount, how much did I offer? Whitney speaks the truth about her industry. Here’s some truth, I need to get back to writing or editing. If I finish our conversation, I’ll go pick up Chinese. I might even avoid the cops. Remember Pinterest troubles, my mom almost scaring me to death.

My dream felt so weird, and it felt like this weekend. Could I have plans GULP Will’s Going To Jail?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

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A great man once sang “stand up for your rights,” and someone else said if you won’t stand for something; well these two legs can take me places but my eyes are looking down, though things get an inevitable rise out of me. Standing With A Willie

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and no my mind isn’t in the gutter. Okay, truth be told another cosplayer “Jada Jinxx.” We’ll get to the begging portion of the program soon enough. Today I want to talk about courage, the strength to stand. Hard when you can’t stand the man in the mirror; neither can they.

Up against the wall mother; yes, I looked that up. That’s how I was at work today, nowhere to go and nothing to do there. So I redid two of the walls of hanging crap, paintings, metal décor, etc. Staring at the wall meant I didn’t have to look at people. Not that I could even if I wanted to anyway. My eyes are conscientious objectors in this war for my life. On the other hand, they could be living in 3017. That’s me looking at the dirt or how long it would take me to find courage. Is it any wonder I write dystopias? How about the only life after death, I believe in is zombies? Anyway, so I’m working from one wall to the next. I’m getting all these backstabbers complimenting behind my back. Like I’m any better; should have seen me yesterday. Someone knocked on my door, and I had my knife behind me, saving people time.

You know for finding reasons to fire me at some point. In writing Inspector Echo, I’m an army of one. Army, again look at the title. I was channeling Ellie Goulding’s song. I wish I could say I had someone I counted on with all my heart. Yes of course B III but let’s look at humans. My “father” that’s more predatory dominance. I feel like less of a real man, depending on him. There, of course, is the job I despise. If I lose it, I’ll be wandering the desert with my dick in my hands (LANGUAGE). So yes this morning, the man in the mirror, well the shower SIGH. I’m still with NO FAP but the things I was thinking. There, now we can talk about the new girl or the others rolling around in my brain. Closing my eyes but still staring at a wall or the floor, Let’s say TWD is chock full of hot women.

Damn all these beautiful girls as the song goes, oh and work. Missed a huddle but Standing With A Willie.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 036 ~Let’s Look Up Will~

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Now you know everything, and like Jon Snow, I know nothing, well usually but who I am and what I do, well most would run away but you’re here and in love, don’t they say that conquers all, including my fear. “Let’s Look Up Will” or not

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Log 036 ~Let’s Look Up Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but SPOILER ALERT I’m not perfect. It’s no secret I’m a writer, but I find my words lacking when it comes to you. Angel, queen, goddess, should I stick with beautiful? I place you so high because you could never let me down. Hell, I never would have believed you would fall for me baby girl. How about the fact that I go so low hoping you’ll never see everything? I would say I’m an open book, but then like a couple of days ago I fear everyone knows too much.

You know like I’m some Erotic novel that needs that HEA disclaimer. With other people, well, I’ve lost friends and family. Now you and me, I need to know that there is a happy ending. In this day and age, I would be surprised if you hadn’t looked me up before we were together. I’m always one for research because I like the control. People can’t be too careful, but still, I wonder what makes you different. Other than being right here and now not running away. Deciding you’ll stay with me; how I wish my playlist were the only thing you’d find. That’s another reason I want my name in the public eye. Of course, you’re not one to be blinded by the glitz and the glamour. Why am I still hiding from you after all this time Love?

Higher aspirations, headphones, wanting to build Heaven for an angel? I still remember reading that somewhere, if you desire an angel, you have to aspire to build her such a home. It wouldn’t bother me if my “blood” read my books but you? Would I give you my phone right now; of course, but I fear you would run? I don’t want any secrets between us; only I don’t want to be alone either. If there is one word that defines me, it would be fear. Only it gets lost in everything else that I am. So why do I think I have the right to ask for everything that you are and may become. You became my wife, the mother of our children. I want to be a better man, but more so I only want to be yours. The man I am Here and Now my baby doll?

Greatest fan of your life but Let’s Look Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear