Tag: Man

Episode 114 ~Time Out For Will~

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Maybe I’m looking to get away from it all, don’t ask me about the last time I had a vacation on even a trip to the movies… as the song goes, if I had a million dollars but what about love too. Time Out For Will

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Episode 114 ~Time Out For Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, though I don’t remember places like The McWane Science Center being expensive and anywhere that I can’t wear one of my hoodies… well, I want the money until It Doesn’t Matter. I’m much more of a homebody or one for out of body experiences, I read a lot on Astral Projection, though it’s been years, I suppose because you’re my Angel; yes, if it’s not music, then lame compliments will do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uBJtGSxJk8

Now before I break out my best Madmartigan from Willow (1988) I do like going out and looking at the stars from time to time, I only ever see them anymore when I head for work, or I look into your eyes; yeah I’m trying to stop. Maybe that’s why I like going to the movies or the library, a few museums here or there because they’re quiet and rooted in facts, that’s the truth. I was never the guy you’ll find hiding in a “man cave” watching the “game” unless we’re talking about the Olympics, then I’ll see you in two weeks, I prefer the Study but you’ll find me on one side of the house, lost in a book, instead of raking leaves.

Probably one more reason I want a million dollars, so I can buy one of those robots to do it while we go camping and honestly I have never been but somewhere alone with you and nature… primal but I like fishing too. Isn’t it strange that we’ll go someplace quiet and educational with the kids or somewhere, I can lose myself, Disney World, Universal, New York, California, but I’ll be just as happy, holding my son’s hand, you carrying our daughter and going to see a movie, “Trolls” was awesome. Can’t forget about my first born though, I want him to see the beach someday, and are you honestly going to ask me what I do to unwind or how about what you want to do, you saw me today though, blanket and bed.

Not that I don’t get wild from time to time, of course, you know me, so if they haven’t closed down the “Ranches” in Nevada yet or how about we go and see what Japan has to offer us, I mean “Hotels” and all. Am I that much of an explorer… yeah most days I’m looking for the darkest corners, but I want you with me, and maybe life won’t look like, well as it does now; me In Da Club, Time Out For Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 111 ~One Way Will Work~

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Let’s give the boy a hand as the song goes, failed to get fired, to be completely lazy though if I heard the voice on the PA right but how often am I right, after all, I work retail, and that’s not working for me. One Way Will Work, such is hope

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Episode 111 ~One Way Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, last week I talked about going to work and how scared I was of losing my job and is it sad that nothing has changed about that; yes I am grateful, but the thing about any of the employment I’ve held is that I’ve wanted to go. Writing has its good days, and off days, but with the day job there is mind-numbing terror every day, hateful, half-sick, hiding but never hopeful, hell I have PCH for that, and I screwed that up too; my mailing will never make it before the deadline to be sure.

The thing is, what I will do for writing, start a blog, chug a 5-Hour Energy, drive to the library, the money I have spent wasting my time but that makes me feel better than the day job ever has. Hell take today as an example, I researched where to buy stamps so I can mail that stupid PCH letter that won’t make it because that gives me a hope that the rest of this week has never brought me. I know you must be asking yourself Lady Lu why I’m ragging on the day job so much considering, some announcement I’m not even sure I heard succinctly that scared me enough to think I’m losing my job, that does nothing.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison

That is how I feel at work Luna; seven years I’m not sure how many days but not one of them has brought me hope, happiness, or hunger, indeed I’m more likely to puke my brains out and don’t get me started on the bathroom situation again. So like my friend “Okay” suggest, write the book, get published, do the work, one of my motivations talks about how to get rid of fear, but how does one stop Sloth, today still sets the perfect example because how much have I gotten done. One book review written up, picking up stamps, and now talking to you, and once again I believe there is a chance of winning the big sweepstakes; the deadline is the 22nd and tomorrow’s Sunday, so there’s that.

Writing should be my only plan, but I can’t break free, at least not intentionally, a fight, a feeling, getting fired and that brings up a random writing concept… what’s with me and “Alliteration” these days, it’s quite fun with titling my Pinterest “Spank Bank” as Cherry calls it but how many times have I used this writing trope today? Thousands of words that haven’t worked but how do I know, I know retail isn’t but with so much Lady Lu, do I still believe, One Way Will Work?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

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I’m okay, no more and no less, I survive one more day, and I think… yeah right, on to the next one and soon it doesn’t hurt so much, dare I say there is a little less fear after a while? Meet The Complacent Will

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t go to therapy; you think my job pays me enough for health insurance? Stay awake maybe, well look at me today, and eat healthy, again look at where I work. The thing is I still work there, so does Dumb and Dumber and as far as Dumbest, I could be way off the mark, but I haven’t seen him since last week, could I possibly be so lucky… highly doubtful, PCH hasn’t shown up with my big check as such.

That’s my first sin, but even you ask though you are way smarter than Rudy Giuliani. Can hope be a sin, I said yesterday I pray for my dog though I don’t believe in any deity. Every day I plan for the best, and I woke up in my drool, and I wanted to see a black man fall. My second sin is that this makes me as normal as anybody else, I remember when America learned Osama Bin Laden got put down and there was such celebration. Sure he was a killer but are we not better? I know a young woman who took a bullet and another woman who is a dear friend who got robbed, and neither has seen their assailants brought to justice, this world can be better. This leads me to my third sin, it’s people that make this world what it is, and another coworker asked me about my job and if I go through so much crap, hell like my boss, why don’t I leave, and that’s the magic word for today Inspector Echo, COMPLACENCY, I am complacent.

My fourth sin is that I’m willing to accept it, all last week and now this week it’s been; please let me keep my job, no fear Inspector, as I have said the fight does not bother me it’s what I’ll have to do. That’s five, the fact that I have returned to my normal state which is no damn good, wake up, go to work, come back and pass out, then talk to you or any of the girls about making a million dollars all so I can speak with actual girls. Even in that, I have become quite complacent maybe I’m that damn greedy, or perhaps I’m a pervert but if I counted that as a sin every single week I’m screwed right…

So what’s my plan for tomorrow, I could be wrong of course about the situation, and that means, the sixth sin for today. I am going to worry tonight, and the man I want to be should focus on making the world, well my world a better place; I want to be like Dennis Hof may he rest in peace. Will you forgive me Inspector Echo for wishing to see another person fall (nevermind). I apologize for being, well human. For accepting this life in its ways, for not “trying” harder, and for another night of worry. Hell for those five minutes I remembered someone else that threatened to ruin me, but I Ain’t Happy but Meet The Complacent Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

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Get well soon, nope, usually, it’s better to get Will soon, whether it be a fight at work, a reason to be fired, or some other calamity but the question is who will I be tomorrow, and who cares to know. All Will Be Will.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, yet I Stay here with you, for a little while longer and I don’t worry, more like a wish that all will be Will… yeah for a writer, I’m sure many an English teacher will have a field day with that. I’ve done worst in English classes, ask me about my freshman year in junior college one day but I close my eyes, and I know all will be well if I can be the man you always love every day.

If I can be the man that everyday kisses all of my children’s heads and tells my furry little firstborn “good puppy, good puppy, be good puppy *gives him a treat* I’ll be back, I love you, be a good puppy, make good decisions, always make good decisions.” Could I say the same for myself as you kiss me goodbye, is there anything better to stop my words whether they be angry, negative, or complicated as people seem to find them and that’s when they come at all. Is there a better way to keep a smile on my face, the needs of the many as they say but For The Love Of You, I want to be me all of the time, even when I can’t see him, I still don’t like mirrors much.

Is it strange that I don’t like first person shooters either but “Far Cry 5”… I learn but my point is when I’m leaving, and I’ll never bow to any religion but I pray for my son, and now I pray for you as well and my other children; I believe, I know you’ll be Alright. Again I don’t feel that way most days, people ask me how I’m doing and I find that question so freaking annoying because people don’t care, so I say “another day,” and when I realize at work, I won’t feel my rage. When I’m out in the world and don’t rattle, or when the average person doesn’t leave me with the look of “REALLY” on my face. So I come back to you, and I’ll always ask how your day is going, but you don’t need to ask me, I know you care too but how was my day, how am I doing, how do I feel right now?

I want to feel like Will, I want to love my family, I want to know I have everything I need and I get out of bed not because I’m in a hurry, but because hell maybe Shakespeare had it right, parting is such sweet sorrow and knowing me that’s the only sadness I’ll cater to. I want to kill… for fun, Far Cry 5, Detroit Become Human, Fallout 4, getting around holiday time. Yeah, I can be a monster, trying to be an Eagle surrounded by turkeys, and as far as the Santa Claus question *sigh* we’ll get to it, me and my motivations; when I love you will do, all will be well and All Will Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 101 ~Will Quake With Fear~

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I’m not afraid of the giant, and I will not fear the rage, but like most Americans, I fear to lose my job and why would I… this land is full of bullies, and while I believe survivors when it comes to “my people” *sigh*. Will Quake With Fear

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Episode 101 ~Will Quake With Fear~

“All human wisdom is contained in these two words – Wait and Hope” Alexandre Dumas

Forgive Me Echo,
How to make One Million Dollars, well I know you don’t burn down the beanstalk, hell I wanted to fight the giant, and in that rage and fire, I may lose the treasure and so much for buying any more beans, magic or otherwise. Fee-fi-fo-fum what a giant. That’s one more sin because I’m not a great judge of character. The giant was Dumb. Dumber was a bit shorter. The one around my size was Dumbest. The smallest dogs have the loudest bark am I right Echo?

Am I yearning to return to high school, my second sin of this week is I’m going to repeat a lesson in philosophy *ahem* the best thing in the world is to be loved, barring that they like you, no good, be respected, not happening, be invisible, but people joke… then be feared. It took me four years, by my senior year I may be small, skinny, quietest award winner but I was also the one that would F* you up, third sin Inspector Echo, my language, I only like to use that word when it comes to sex. Now is not the time though, I’ll tell you about the story of “four” another day, but my forth sin is I don’t have time, I might get fired tomorrow and what would I be… Wise, Wicked, Warrior, Will, the man I was ready to fight for, still can’t believe it.

I’ve already covered this in two statements at work but okay my fifth sin and possibly my gravest… Tuesday morning I was at work walking the receiving line, Dumb who I have promoted to Dumbest was as well, he wouldn’t move and neither would I and we collided. So I’m not backing down, he threatens, I stand my ground, we let it go. Later on, I bump him, it was an accident this time around, but still, he threatens, again I hold my ground and the manager breaks us up; well I’m a reasonable human being or a scared one maybe. Not afraid of cutting off his balls but This Is America, so I reported it, should I count snitching as a sin or the thought of how I would have brought that giant down, I’m not sorry for standing.

No my sixth sin for the finale is that I always live in fear, when I was a kid it was my grades, when it was money, waiting to be caught stealing, and let’s not forget November the 5th, the worse trouble I’ve had at the day job, and Here I Go Again. So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for not recognizing true threats, for repeating a lesson, for swearing, also this lack of time; shall I be forgiven for the inevitable but most importantly of all the fear because for one more night I Will Quake With Fear.

“Hope strengthens. Fear kills” Fever

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

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There is a reason my parents never got me boxing gloves, why I believe we need stronger *ahem* laws, and even Negan said people are a resource, not a blessing, not a gift and yet standing up for myself. Greatest Gift, Me Will

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

“You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as It Gets (1997)

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, with the way things are going my love, I think I’m going to need a doctor, like when I first met you, a nurse for the fight I almost got into at work, or a lawyer and not for defending your honor, no baby girl, boys will be boys. Probably not the correct thing to say in this climate and do you think I have always treated women with “dignity and respect,” well you as a woman, my wife, lover my best friend (don’t let my son hear that on repeat ever) mother of our children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_KHgfzs5rc

Now Whitney Houston sang about Greatest Love of All, but I have never bought that one must love themselves to love others, I would lay down my life for you or our children without question but before you… That’s a crime against you if we weren’t together and I would never do anything to hurt you like that, and I find out why I saved myself for you (life wise my love, the experience is a process). To this day I don’t know what the greatest gift is that I have ever given you, my heart, my soul, my mind, what about time, or courage because after today I am afraid because I love my family. I want to provide for you all, tradition, chauvinist, maybe a man believes in many things, and he must fight for those beliefs always.

Today I learned how much I believed in me, that I love myself, fighting for my kids is a no-brainer and fighting for you, would that make me “The Black Knight” yeah no filter at work which is part of the problem, well all of it, my love, fear, and TRADITION. I wanted to fight for me, and I didn’t care about being a provider, or even about being a better man, I wanted to be a man, I wasn’t defending you or anything I hold dear I was fighting for “The Man Right Chea.” Honestly, I didn’t know I cared so much about myself. I would fight, and I would win all to come home to you, but again I did not swear to enter the fray for you my Lady, it was all for me, and I don’t know whether to be so very proud or completely devastated.

“Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” The Talmud

“Instead of tryin’ to help a nigga you destroy a brother” Tupac, K-Ci and JoJo

That’s not you though; I do imagine myself as Prince Pairs being nursed back to health should I have lost the battle, Prince Hector to die for a crime or Achilles himself to fight because of my reasons, no matter what they were. You would love me regardless; sad that I have to imagine, or that I should fear but the fact that you will even listen to me, this man that nearly fought, who may lose everything tomorrow because I gave into my rage.

You love me, and I love you and the fact that I spent over an hour writing two statements about what happened today the man that lies with you now, this man that would fight, I love myself, I love me, and that means I’m the Greatest Gift, Me Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

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“You did not wake up to be something, something, mediocre.” That assumes I got up this morning. Maybe I’ll blame my alarm. Perhaps it’s the dog lying on my legs. It’s cold; in the house, because it’s hot out. Will At The Table but the bed works well

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, when you don’t know how to build computers, need a picture to make the bed and do you know how long it took me to put together two bookcases and my coffee table Ay Yi Yi. So much for the week of positivity am I right, I remember someone saying The Summer of Love was more like the summer of getting your ass kicked… I know “language,” one more thing I’m not doing today, finishing Under His Heel, but you never know, isn’t that right Luna?

Isn’t that why people write out a will, I think all writers realize the inevitable, from the journalist writing his next story; to the ones that create novels, poetry, and everything else, new worlds, to the other artists and innovators, or the person that merely sees this world without themselves. My chair lies empty most days, and I wish I could tell you I was out there living, other than my daily walk with my son and continuing to break promises, giving my word, no my words find their way here, along with that one I refuse to say except on Wednesdays. Stuff that I should probably erase, things I don’t want on my tombstone, might as well call me Rick Grimes, his fate is sealed but not mine so why do I spend so much time on my back, The Walking Dead, Youtube, and Pinterest though something else got me today dear Lady Luna.

My will, if it’s ever written but that doesn’t happen without power and honestly how much does it take to walk from one room to the other, to sit up rather than lie down, hell if I treated every day like before cleaning day? To be fair that isn’t my will either, I always get things done on behalf of others, and that’s the problem, I do nothing for me, it’s called discipline and November is coming, the pressure will be on and if I can’t get started on any given day? All cards on the table; more like anything I can get my hands on, being idle, *sigh* which is one more reason today has been a waste; I shouldn’t say that though, whether I’m looking at beauty, the MILF *Homer drool*, Morgan from “FBE”, or whoever I have in my photos this moment.

No, on my table is just one more bill due, a bottle of water (the last of my health kick) and another mediocre tirade on what my life is, hell what everybody’s life is, putting food on the table so yes Will At The Table.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 094 ~Misery For The Willing~

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I’ve never found tears beautiful; I told my “father” once at Disney World I was crying with joy but other than making it rain dollars he’s only brought me sadness and now, I have become a partner in the business of misery. Misery For The Willing

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Episode 094 ~Misery For The Willing~

Forgive Me Echo,
How to make One Million Dollars, stop spending money on books but fortunately I have already read Misery by Stephen King so buying it isn’t a priority though I have been thinking about getting a new Kindle. Anything to avoid the sadness that has overwhelmed my life as of late and I’m not even talking about my depression, four dead Fur Babies, a deceased husband, one Break-In and a MILF asking for money; I’m a bad man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPBtCBPg_o0

Isn’t this what this is all about Inspector Echo, me being bad, I see all my friends losing their four-legged children, and I can’t do right by mine; well I did cut the grass, but of course we both know why I did that. The woman that lost her husband, dammit I should have been sweeter to her, I mean she does say hi to me but so does my friend whose house got robbed, and in all honesty, I don’t know what to say or do for her. Speaking of which I know what I want to do for the MILF, right there in the title “Mom I’d Like to…” but if I said that to her or how I want to help her, yeah everyone I know would quickly hate my guts.

Donald, Brett, Will, I do not need that sort of comparison, and yet I go back to that day in the Walmart parking lot when that mom approached me and asked for money for her and her daughter, and I gave her five dollars and for a week after I regretted it, why? What would she have done for more and yes I know this isn’t Reality Kings or Brutal Castings, I’m not talking to Dirty Diana here but the fact that such a thought crossed my mind and now here we are but on a positive note I know I’m wrong. Like I told “Cherry” though I am going through a time of my life when I’m won’t say “I’m Sorry” at the rate I would always be sorry because I’m waiting for the next tragedy to come down.

I must wonder might it be the same for others, we can’t remember the Las Vegas shooting, can’t feel bad for some crying white guy, worry about the animals, the ozone, and everything else and then we’re told to live each day as though it were our last. Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for having the strangest question of What’s So Bad About Feeling Good, how about forgiveness for not being a better father and friend, or wanting to bribe needy women, I need less Misery For The Willing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Euz9a0oAlw

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 093 ~Love To Work Will~

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Where does the time go, the last time I held a pen or tapped a keyboard, today, holding onto a paw, that’s later, and winning “Her” hand, a man is busy building Heaven, and that’s paved in Hell as the song goes. Love To Work Will.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Episode 093 ~Love To Work Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, when what we have is priceless but how about everything else I claim to “love” after you and the kids; I have always believed that such a word is used far too often for the wrong reason. Much like “work” I do that because I love Detroit Become Human and a huge list of games, I “toil” as I “adore” my ever increasing library, I “labor” and don’t ask me how it happened, upper-middle-class family; I want all those name brands.

When I write, however, there are moments and don’t get me wrong I love writing but sometimes, it’s damn hard, but for a brief time I’ll be typing away, and I feel, blessed though I don’t like that word. It’s how I love you though, I worry all the time, this week especially I see how quickly a life can get wrecked, am I still thinking about “Life Itself,” “This Is Us,” or “A Million Little Things”; you know it, but real life isn’t taking any breaks. That’s what my first born, the other kids, and you keep telling me, that I need to take a break, and I don’t ever want to become Peter Banning, Jackson Curtis, or Lord heavens above my father, I’m only Human after all love.

That’s why I say I love you like my words, I want to spend every single day with you, I want to study every part of you, curves, lines, my breaths, my heartbeats all in service to you but that’s the problem. You’re here; you’re mine, why can’t I touch you now or tell you now; when I wake up in the morning, I repeat this one quote, “you did not wake up to be mediocre,” because you deserve better, I deserve to be so much more of a man. Now know this I will choose you and ALL my kids over everything, I love you more than anything else in this existence and maybe witnessing horror and tragedy from all sides is scaring me to death, what a way to start off October right?

I tend to make everything Complicated I know, but I choose to write a sin and not a tragedy and the fact that you’re hurting from my absence… love is all you need they say, but I don’t love my day job, so I write, I don’t adore being a comparison to my father, so I read the children stories (not my stories), and I don’t want to be away from you, so I create. No, I won’t offer you promises of tomorrow that one day there will be time for us because you already have this with Everything I Do you’re the one that makes me want to be better than I am, and when you love what you do, that’s us Here And Now, Love To Work Will.

“You always had tunnel vision.
You could just block everything out
and write.
You blocked us out.”

“Do you love him?”

“I love him enough.”
2012 (2009) Kate and Jackson

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

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There was a time I was willing to do almost anything for a paycheck, I picked up trash over the summer, was in the Navy about a month and worse of all RETAIL, but I’m not willing to do what I love… Help Wanted Willing Writer.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; I should, I must, and I keep telling myself I will and then I sleep a few more hours, I make another Pinterest gallery, I add another playlist to Spotify, good things come to those who pay, so I should start. That would involve getting a real job first of all, and I’ve already been over my current day job, and how many people don’t want me to have it because of my past and I’m not like them at all.

It sucks when you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, but I’m not trying to be Atlas, one more job that I don’t want to do this week, maybe I’m getting set up for tomorrow’s lists of failures. A book reviewer… well that would involve getting through another book, and I have so many on my plate as is, and what I’m reading now “Under His Heel” by Adara Wolf… I don’t hate the book as is but I’m not gay. I’m also not that helpful, I have ninety-nine reasons I’m not a doctor, make that one hundred, I don’t like people, but I am interested in the human anatomy and oh yes, pain, humiliation, even blood.

I like figuring out the mind, I was dreaming about pain, my current excuse as to why I didn’t go to the library today (back pain), but the thing is when I go into Sadism mode, that means I care enough to inflict it but when people are so worthless I rather not… See I’m attempting to figure myself out first, I believe you must do this before you can discover others but that doesn’t mean you can’t have help, my “father” taught me hatred disguised as love, my son showed me, unconditional love. What about women, because of my mother I seek wisdom, and other women gave me the power of choice, the will to be passionate, and the discovery of my private parts, I mentioned, I’m not gay.

So like Eikichi Onizuka, Dennis Hof, or Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts, well I could go into more details but that’s Dirty Diana’s thing, so I want a job where I can stay in bed, listen to music, judge erotic themes that aren’t gay, and play with the human body lots. I want to inflict pain but not anything serious, I want to care, I want to explore and organize, and love the ladies.

Onizuka became a high school teacher, Mr. Hof owns brothels, Sir Mix-A-Lot was a rapper, and I want to write so why don’t I start with Help Wanted Willing Writer.

I Will Have No Fear