Tag: Man

Episode 086 ~Will We Be Rich?~

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Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger, but the way I dig her and gold as well, though could you get a million dollars cash in a briefcase that would be awesome and yet she carries my heart around. “Will We Be Rich?”

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Episode 086 ~Will We Be Rich?~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars and I’m sure I told you before, but when I was a child, I thought that two hundred bucks would be enough to solve the 99 Problems I thought I had. While you’re my queen, my love, my goddess, my angel, I’m no King David a.k.a. DMX; I don’t hold much faith in a quarter of a million dollars because honestly we deserve more, our children deserve more, I know it.

I must sound like the typical rapper or worse my father because while I never want to be like him and I’ll deny it should you ever meet him… how long have we been married again, anyway a man takes care of his family without a doubt. Now I will sit here and sing All You Need Is Love, and you make me believe it but God I am becoming my father throwing money at everything and hoping that makes up for how I fail. Caesar was ambitious, and Chris Rock spoke about the difference between Rich and Wealth, and I want to be rich, but with you I’m wealthy… okay, who am I kidding, I want both my love.

I want to tell you every beautiful word in every language, and at the same time your beauty inspires me to write, and if anybody cares to listen, I want my words to set us for life. You know I am one for greed, and I want every breath you take, every beat of your heart, together we’ll make even more, and I never want to fear running out, every day I want to bask not only in This Year’s Love but as many years as we can get. Maybe it’s the idea if I have everything, I get to pick and choose, and I would always want you, not a day in the Hell of an old job, the rage that somehow vanished overnight when my heart became full of nothing but you, how much happiness did you have saved up for us both?

Perhaps it is wrong of me to spend yours. As people say, a man must build Heaven for an angel. Honestly, I was buying my way out of Hell, gathering every dollar I could, dreams to make C.R.E.A.M, from the pages I wrote. I Want To Be Rich, I won’t deny it, but I am wealthy because of you. I am because of my first born, the legacy of our other children and yet I ask Will We Be Rich?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

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What’s one more lazy day, I couldn’t scream to get up but one noise from my phone and it’s time to get to work, just in case right and let me say that church never got me to do that but the day job, my father, a pretty girl *sigh*. Will Whisper To God

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; well I hear tell people will sell their souls to Satan for much less and give themselves to God for nothing at all and pretend that their Laughing With either or. I believe that the Devil gives better advice but at the same time what is the sum of human wisdom… I figured there was a good reason I dreamed about Alexandre Dumas, to the point, quotes and The Shawshank Redemption; more jail dreams just saying.

‘all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.” ― Alexandre Dumas

That seems to be my battle cry these days, and people have often told me I’m a good listener unless it’s something about me, and then they all turn into politicians, but hell I’m the same when it comes to listening to myself sadly. There’s never an argument when I have to get out of bed in the morning for the day job, no confusion when my little boy needs me to let him back in the house and when a beautiful girl comes calling, wow. If anything that’s what got me out of bed today, another pretty girl on “Whisper” did I ever tell you that’s how I met Indiana Gone, met another girl who couldn’t stand my face.

Now did she say that; not in so many words and now I got one more that disappeared all of a sudden and so I listen to my inner voice, and you know how they ask would you like you if you met you; yeah I hate that guy. The Devil Is A Lie, but she’s focused, and as I often say, everything I could ever want in this world is impossible, immoral, illegal, and insanity but not to her; does that make me sexist making the Devil female? It explains why God never had a chance, the Devil would, of course, garner my desire but God, Our Father, a black man that I could never talk to, oh yeah he’s always there right but these are not the days to cry out to him, roar, or scream, no you whisper Lady Lu, remember that.

It’s why the world is a mess right now and if we are born in God’s image; again, I don’t fear success, but I have seen what I do when I’m no longer whispering, the worlds I’ve created, the actions I have taken and yet I Will Whisper To God.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 079 ~Will To Be Selfish~

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Possession, love can make us do some incredible things, right or horrible, “Stuff And Thangs” as Rick Grimes would put it and indeed it brings us back to life in some ways at least *cough* Life Itself. Will To Be Selfish

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Episode 079 ~Will To Be Selfish~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars though I’m not sure that my organs are worth that much… don’t turn all squeamish on me now, though if you ever mention Pig Feet or Chitterlings I’ll want a divorce, same if you ever say Roll Tide or War Eagle. Not that Alabama is forever, and as long as we’re together it doesn’t even matter honestly, though I’m looking at Nevada, California, and for some reason New York but you know I hate being cold, another reason I want you all to myself, my love.

“I love you… but I may not be equipped to be loved this much.” Life Itself (2018) Abby, Olivia Wilde

Professional Wrestling is an acceptable sport, right behind the Olympics and Martial Arts competitions “The Karate Kid,” “Cobra Kai,” “Best of The Best” and don’t get me started on my fixation with Kung-Fu, but I’m in a “Life Itself” state of mine FUCK… what they said it a bunch. Anyway so back to wrestling or more like reality TV “Total Bellas” when Nikki’s family was always telling John Cena to compromise, but they didn’t know what that meant, it doesn’t mean surrender, nor submission, or sacrifice. Which brings my point because I believe love is a sacrifice, but when two people love each other, when they give everything of themselves leaving nothing it should feel like you have everything you’ll ever need and even more.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” The Princess Bride (1987)

I think I’ve told you this before and I know that I can be a bit much to handle that’s why I admire your strength so much, Beauty & the Beast, do you know how incredible she had to be, to fight so hard, and loved even harder, the way that I love you. It can be scary; I keep thinking about when we first met, what did I have to give, and Suddenly I have smiles to give away, and what did I say about cold and now my arms are around you, and is that my hoody? Strange the times I want to cover you up, and then I want to show you off, but you’re all mine… beast, yeah I’m like your shadow, a ghost that haunts you, a zombie and dare I say you’re the prettiest necromancer I have ever seen.

“I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid of anything.”

“I’m only alive when you’re inside me.” Angel “Waiting In The Wings”

Only one fucking demon, is it Halloween yet; yeah, I’m going to have some old white lady screaming at me like that poor studio guy at the screening last night, but as I heard once, it’s a disease this thing called love, a confession, a belief. It transcends everything baby girl, even my words and my phone *gasps*, and I do want to be hoarded, kept away, lost to everything, and so I ask this important question, do you have, the Will To Be Selfish.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 076 ~Will Etch In Stone~

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A hot day today or is that me being sick, maybe my anger was burning my brain giving me fever dreams of making a lot of money, a million dollars to be exact and I’ll have a few days to think on that, give myself ideas. “Will Etch In Stone.”

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Episode 076 ~Will Etch In Stone~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to believe it other than the fact that Bruce Lee said “be like water” and that can break down a stone, and in one way I’m attempting to erase bad habits, at the same time, I want to mean what I say. So what is it that I mean to say, a part of me knows it’s a stupid thought with all my broken resolutions, the fact that I can’t ever seem to accomplish my six impossible things, I fell asleep sitting here but before I see “The Day” again, I’m going to make One Million Dollars.

Now I’m sure Lady Lu that by tomorrow I’ll probably have forgotten about this, but today at work it suddenly came to me, by next year I’ll be a millionaire, that’s it, no more, no less. When I was a child I thought, that all it would take is two hundred dollars and all my problems would be solved, well congrats, I’m sitting on a thousand dollars, all part of my Alamo Fund. Am I beginning to turn around perhaps, instead of planning how to die, planning how to live and not day by day but in the long run? Hell, I’m still attempting to get through this day’s sickness.

Considering I didn’t have to deal with Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest, and the general manager stayed out of my face for the most part, so It Was A Good Day minus being sick, again thinking long term. An attempt to be healthy and what did it get me; I can’t let that stop me though, and this was the first time I tried to set a real time limit, then again why am I writing so late? If it helps I finished reading one more novel, that’s something else to put in stone, I’m a lifetime reader, I always get sick before work but when I eat it’s worse, and I keep thinking I’m going to make that money in a year and I have no idea how dear Lady Luna.

You take the first step, and that should be tomorrow, but it’s already late and if I were to take a chance at dinner, who knows if I’m getting over this sickness and my son isn’t doing too well either. As I told “Indiana Gone” when it rains it pours, if only sweat was falling like tears or the bottles of Sprite I’ve been downing like water all day today but yes I am working towards One Million Dollars this time next year, I shouldn’t forget, Will Etch In Stone.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 072 ~One Willing Word Maybe~

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When somebody laughs at me I want to punch them in the face (yeah that’s kindness) when a pretty girl flirts, is it wrong to think about wanting to kiss her, and when someone says they love me well… One Willing Word

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Episode 072 ~One Willing Word Maybe~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to say I’m sorry because I’m sure I will be, probably more than I’d like but there are some things in this life you can’t control, and for everything else, there could be an apology. That’s why mine will be the genuine article, I’m not sorry you got stuck in traffic, it sucks when people at work are assholes, it’s not super when this that or the other happens, but I am sorry I can’t make it go away for you my love.

Like when I tell you You’re Beautiful, do you think I sing that out to every girl I ever knew before; sure when I began writing it was To All Of You and my pages were my wings, how best to reach an angel. Then I found you, and that is when I discovered my voice again, you made me brave enough to say such things, so when I say such a thing to you, there aren’t many that can say I was willing to give them a word that held all that I am. Beautiful, I’ll call you that a million times over, I’ll show you in every way that I can along with Love And Happiness. However, we choose to define such things because there will always be such things as pain, hurt.

Now my mother never taught me that, if you can’t say something nice but when I am quiet when my words don’t come, well you know more than anyone that I will lose myself in music. Again I will lose myself to writing because how could I ever speak a word that would cause you heartache, What Kind Of Man Would I Be to utter a terrible sentiment to the one that I adore? My father taught me to despise lies because you only do that to the people who you hate, he would know more than most. Then what about our children love? No I don’t hate them what I mean is Santa, pain, what about all of life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_prLlrJl5o

I suppose that will be kindness, to protect them for as long as we can from a world that is full of lies and hungry for the truth. So when I say I love you and them, when I call you my own, when I read them stories, I don’t want to open my mouth out of ignorance or fear. It might take a little while, it may involve me finding such words as courage, discipline, wisdom, because I refuse to be one more stupid man, you deserve better than that and with a yes, with I love you, when you Stay With Me, without a word, your name becomes my One Willing Word Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 069 ~Well Will Wasn’t Lit~

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I’ve never been one for burning books… well except if those books happen to have my name on them, or from a blog here or there but as you can probably see I haven’t been on fire lately anyway. “Well Will Wasn’t Lit”

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Episode 069 ~Well Will Wasn’t Lit~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason other than they burn books at 451 degrees, that we shouldn’t say goodbye to Summer just yet or that I haven’t made a wish on a star forever, so why on Earth would I need candles? This whole week, I’ve expected squad lights, an interrogation room, I’ve seen the sun in the sky and the light reflected on nickels and dimes, cash burning a hole in my pocket, while I’ve watched others lights vanish into Hellfire itself easily.

Can we at least agree that the cops aren’t looking for me? With as many as I’ve seen… probably not without a healthy dose of Electroconvulsive Therapy (yes I looked that up). Maybe one good release but I’m back on NO FAP. Should I get back to writing then and be warmed by my fire… probably not today, a man has to eat and while I would prefer another type of Cherry Pie than what I had on “The Day” well DoorDash is enlightening. Speaking of which I’m sure you’re interested how “The Day” turned out and I would say that I’ve seen the light, but you know how I tend to repeat history and so I didn’t need it to know *sigh* That’s How You Know you f***** up.

Should a person get more responses than the age facing them, that would be thirty-four, besides “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” my immediate family (that’s three) Pizza Hut, and OKC, nobody knew, seven messages and I made sure the Ranches down in Nevada didn’t know. I didn’t need anyone trying to make a buck off of me, but again DoorDash did, and I regret that because I didn’t want to get off my lazy butt for McDonald’s and I’m out fifteen dollars. “Indiana Gone” did pay me back a lot plus another fifty for “The Day” but all that’s going towards Project Alamo, seriously I’m still Alive, how and why, inquiring minds?

So is there a silver lining other than my beard in the bathroom lights, what about some light at the end of the road, and am I not on the Highway To Hell which is the only light that remains constant in this life? Who knows what I will find in the blaze that seeks to swallow me. In All The Stars which have existed much longer than I can ever remember. But, so you know, Well Will Wasn’t Lit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 065 ~Will Wait For You~

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Last week I talked about time, and now it’s moving at a snail’s pace, when something you’ve grown to love or even someone makes it clear for one reason or another that, well I don’t know, I feel like I’m on the verge of losing. Will Wait For You

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Episode 065 ~Will Wait For You~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to wait, other than I needed to read “The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them” by W. Anton, don’t laugh you’re here now right, and I still consider it my Bible and fourth favorite book. I didn’t wait when the moment finally came to talk to you; I do wonder how many years it took, the breaths, the steps, heartbeats and of course the fear, stupidity for courage, I call it insanity, a whole twenty seconds worth, then:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY

Finally, females tend to give males advice that only works for females, such as telling them to take their time, let love come to them, that they will meet someone when they least expect it, and it will “just happen.” But the only reason those things work for females is that they rely on males taking action.” ― W. Anton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lX6dEc738w

Even after all this time I’m not sure which scares me more the moment or the wait, glass half full or half empty, I’m more the type there’s something to drink, I wait for you like Schrödinger’s cat sitter. It could be like telling the boss man I’ll think about something and then getting put on the schedule anyway and sometimes it works out, mostly it doesn’t, but I don’t know how to quit you and I never would. It’s not sleeping, and so I clean, I watch YouTube, I write, my Weapon Of Choice for a long night, choose one, not all isn’t that right, then again I multitask.

Sometimes I wait for you as though my little boy has another tick in his ear or he hurt his paw, and I listen to him cry out or look at me when the vet says he stepped on a pinecone wrong. Maybe it’s like when my brakes cut out, and I backed into a tree, and somehow I still got to work, left and made it to the auto shop with six hundred dollars, and the repairs were four hundred. It’s the time between thinking I’m stupid or Pinterest is and forty-eight hours of waiting to lose everything, to know humiliation, the fear of neither taking action or wondering what I’ve done wrong now.

I approached, pursued, won, and now I must improvise, adapt, overcome which takes, thinking and waiting, for what; I love you, I believe in you, and still this life that I lead, what we share together, I feel at any time can be, I don’t know. In the end, though you’re here, everything a man like me could ever want and I Believe love is the answer. If I have learned anything in life, there’s such a thing as love at first sight but even now my love I suppose I Will Wait For You.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 062 ~A Willing Twenty-Four Hours~

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I should adopt the attitude I once had when I was back in school. When somebody asked how was your day; you say “I don’t want to talk about it” and for once I’ve got nothing to say, but I’m waiting for “The Day.” A Willing Twenty-four Hours

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Episode 062 ~A Willing Twenty-Four Hours~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to think about this or that, have you noticed that the more you try to ignore a particular subject, the more it comes up, sort of like air, you don’t think about it, but I’m sure everybody has had a moment where they needed to catch it. If they didn’t, are they living or surviving, though for me it usually comes as a moment of anxiety, how I *sigh* plenty in my writing and I saw something pretty interesting on Instagram today.

Today, I’m more awake and not surprisingly lazier but “trying” not to think about things such as porn, takes plenty out of me but I haven’t taken any naps…am I coming out of my Depression maybe? Why Depression, well we’ll get to that but my little boy is a pain, and it’s hard to stay mad at him, I’m so used to having him around and then to send him away to time out, hurts me more than you, no my “father” found joy in my pain. Speaking of pain I’ve also gotten into buying more books, should I be thinking about how much I failed this week, including reading and I don’t have to, if I knuckle down and get to work right now…

Yeah, the story of my life which leads me to the huge thing I don’t want to think about that starts with the letter D, no not that, and yeah Depression but “The Day” is coming up soon, the worse day of my life. Tell me Lady Luna what could be worse than that, DEATH ha when you think of the odds of any one human being and no I am not a man of faith but neither am I a man of science or anything. Yes, I know words, and that’s what my life should be, hell what my life is; not that they have brought me any such thing as I look over my keywords for twenty-four hours.

One more failure as I didn’t hide ‘the Day” from people deep enough and now I have to look forward to disappointment, disgust, Dad and plenty more D words except the one that’s driving me crazy. Didn’t do me any favors in high school and I had so many names that Willie was only one more, and here I am, one more day down, closer to “The Day” and my Lady Lu how I have wasted A Willing Twenty-four Hours.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 058 ~The Time Traveler’s Will~

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If only I were in such a rush for love as I am to panic about everything, today it was my computer and then my four-legged son just waiting around for his daddy to be happy, but he wants a mom too. “The Time Traveler’s Will.”

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Episode 058 ~The Time Traveler’s Will~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason because you know I can’t stand being late; sadly this is one of those times you wish I’d look at my phone because my watch tends to run pretty fast and that’s the time I do abide. I hate numbers but I love you, and this is only one more reason why, because you stop time or at least disrupt it; since when did you become The Time Traveler’s Wife, I suppose that’s a day I shouldn’t forget after all it’s our Anniversary.

Is it; as if I need one more thing to panic about today with everything but how do you do that to my heart, you make it skip a beat, you rev it up, and then there is this peace that settles over me. When we first met, I was frozen and then came the Slow Motion the way I was looking at you and how my feet were cinderblocks and then rushing for dates, The Flash when it came to wanting to spend my life with you and even faster chasing the kids. My words, where you once left me breathless and then What’s My Age Again, am I a schoolboy or an old man having a Senior moment, or maybe I should ask your age once more I swear You’re Timeless To Me.

Like my phone right, keeping up with the appointments, the playlist, There Goes My Baby, of course, I have so many pictures of you frozen in time is it any wonder that I’m in a rush to find my way back to you? You know my theory that the world will end in five minutes and with you, it’s as if I have already found my way to paradise and I don’t have to worry about anything. Back then I prayed for twenty seconds… what I needed the courage and five seconds earlier that day to get out of bed and the man I was before all of this Love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY

He and every other evolution of myself promised you forever, and that is a promise I intend on keeping, and of course, I don’t need any watch for that, I have the home we built together, my dog who has probably been waiting longer to make sure I would be okay. Isn’t that what I said once upon a time, I’m okay but with you, who I am, The Way I Am, baby girl I could never imagine there would come a time that I would be… happy, so Close Your Eyes and Wander because it’s The Time Traveler’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 030 ~Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons~

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Love is worth the fight, and while I love my dog “like pancakes” it would be nice to have someone other than my “Fangs For Hire,” or my love for gaming to a certain degree, Cupid knows what he’s doing I assume. Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons, torture

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Episode 030 ~Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason, he would have to, as the song goes, the battle’s done, and we kinda won, emphasis on WE, as war has its winners and losers no doubt but what arms we have our wrapped around each other, hearts given to one another. This Love is worth fighting for, but yesterday I couldn’t help but notice the destruction that it leaves in its wake for there’s a reason we fall in love and keep falling again and again always.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Cupid and his bow; no, I would think love has a pistol with a silencer, a sniper rifle, hell something automatic, the NRA doesn’t seem to like laws, and neither does love, but there’s such a thing as responsibility. My feelings are like a rocket, and everybody is trying to outrun the blast and the fallout, there was a time I was a child with the button, and even now women run away, a pretty librarian I once crushed on took off running. You, My Love, your love is a disease, a virus, and don’t be mad I mean that as a compliment, I find my written declarations of love often come off as more warlike but when you got to me, I found the only cure was more of you my queen, My Goddess.

As if religion hasn’t caused enough wars, but somehow I found that I only wanted to believe in you and if loving you this much is blasphemy then I’m going to Hell, and yet I wonder if you feel the same. I know, torture isn’t it ‘Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions” and maybe Someday it won’t hurt because I can’t stand to hurt you… like this anyway. Perhaps they’ll be peace, you are that and so much more my love, and if the world could be only us, no let it be us and my first born and our second, third, maybe forth, there can never be enough love I think.

No wonder we send Cupid on his way when we can make our own as all’s fair in love and war as I’ve heard; love evolves, the word itself used as a weapon by so many but when spoken by you, it brings me to life, and such is forever. Love life *sigh* you never ran away from me, you fought for me, beside me, with me, my ally, the Katniss to my Peeta is there anything more powerful than us, Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear