Tag: Obsession

Chronicle 264 ~Being Blind To Love~

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The perfect woman? Not much has changed since Princess Leia. Take a look at most of the Star Wars heroines. Padme, Rey, Jyn. Had a big crush on Katniss. Hell Braxton had plenty of brown/tan hair. Here I go crying. Being Blind To Love

Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Chronicle 264 ~Being Blind To Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but no, I’m not into organ harvesting. Um, at least not the usual type. Kinda dark…

Would you instead have me crying about B III? It’s been 415 days now (Sunday, March 13, 2022), but I know that’s one thing that hasn’t changed. How long will I cry for B III? Indeed how long will I deny myself the pleasure of your company or without? Yes, at the moment, I want to keep my monk status. And it’s one more reason I find myself in bed. Look at the time, 3:00 in the afternoon. I would hate to meet the man in the mirror right this second. Hell, I have hated him for again 415 days by now. Then I wonder what you see in me. I mean, you haven’t walked out yet. I don’t have qualms about my body, ha.

You know my whole business is based on being a shallow prick. Am I not, considering I’m open to lots of women. In the “company sense,” Baby Doll; always, forever. I’ve got the perfect woman at home. And yet I am where I am now in life? And the others? These men aren’t looking for love. Well, at least I hope not though I can understand the idea of “I’m In Love With A Stripper.” But of course, that’s only one aspect of “my place.” As I said, I’m one for all the organs. Some I like looking at. And where others stick them well… And I’m not in love with the almighty dollar either, but I always want more. Greedy? One woman, one family?

One dog, which is my Braxton. B III. I ask myself, when did I know I was in love before. On the one hand, it was love at first sight. He was a puppy; what monster doesn’t love puppies? But he wasn’t my puppy. The moment he had my heart was when my Olds moved, and I said get in the car B. If it worked for Chris Rock right,” Bitch, get in the car.” As for when I knew I loved you? If I told you everything, I looked for physically in a woman… Braxton’s Aunt could sum it up. But when I knew you had my heart, well? Some say love is blind. I’m shallow. But loving another furry? Being Blind To Love.

Gospel 264 ~Find Anything That Beats Temptation~

415 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 259 ~In Other Words B~

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Triple B would speak plenty if he thought someone was a threat or if he knew I was mad over something he did. But he knew how I was, with books, writing, watching The Walking Dead. He left the words to them and me and now Russ… In Other Words B.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

Chronicle 259 ~In Other Words B~

410 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? One of the benefits of waking up at 4:00 – 5:00 is there isn’t much complaining.

Yeah, that’s about all the gratitude you’ll hear from me today. I’m tired, can’t remember the last time I went to the bathroom, and I’m horny as Hell. We’re the old men here B. I’ll never be okay with how things ended, but at least you’re young again, healthy, happy? Not a day goes by I don’t wonder what you’re doing… wherever you are? I’m trying not to BUG you. Well, except on Thursdays, whenever I time-travel, and you know that your Daddy has a ton of problems. You had a knack for making them go away, my boy (sigh). Now I haven’t seen you in my dreams in a while, and I live in bed most days. And that is the problem. No walks?

Seeing how Sunday was the beginning of Daylight Savings Time. And no dog likes that. Dog, yeah, you were never just that to me. Is that why I can’t find you in most of what I’ve been reading? Then again, Braxton, I’m devouring “It’s Just A Dog” by Russ Ryan. First, let’s talk about bugs, which inspired me yesterday. I saw a ladybug, and there’s a whole chapter in another book I read about its meaning. Love, Protection, Good Luck? Now I don’t want to dismiss you if it was a sign from wherever? I swear, Braxton, on top of my list of hated words, I need one of the most annoying… another, wherever, etc. Braxton, how would you communicate? Without dreams? Bucks, Boobs, Books?

Dolores Abernathy

As you know, money talks Triple B. Or should I say Triple X? I should have spent so much more cash on you but even now… Lada Lyumos, the movie X, there’s Succubus Lord 7. Then again, B III, my reluctance to spend a dime? I still remember the price of around $100 for your annual exam, about $450 for your test. Then on your last day. That bill… Did I mention I’m “living” in bed, and if I’m not going to the bathroom, for damn sure I’m not getting up to get your “proof of death?” So why do I believe you’re speaking to me through “It’s Just A Dog.” Because you know how your Daddy is with his words… In Other Words B.

Gospel 259 ~It’s Messy B Leaving~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 257 ~A Write To B~

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All the signs that Braxton has been sending… I hope he has been sending and still is, and what have I responded with. Considering when I’m writing this because I won’t have the strength after. I’ll hate myself the rest of the day. “A Write To B”

Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Chronicle 257 ~A Write To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means writing a check shouldn’t be any big deal. It’s more anxiety-driven than financial. (Shudders).

Imagine the time spent thinking money. Republican Tendencies, America, Everyone. Hell, what about the time I’ve wondered about the ghost dog Saturday, March 5, 2022. Aren’t I time traveling now? That’s what happens when you don’t learn from history, baby girl. I’m doomed to repeat it. Even though now I love what I do for a living. A living, huh? Aren’t I having the time of my life in my business? Braxton’s death… 408 days. Such a love puts me to shame. I wonder if it would put me out of business. Who would have thought being in a room full of women would tick me off; Karens/Rebeccas? Less than the old Day Job. You don’t want to hear me go into that. Time Travel.

I know you wish I would. Become the man I once was. But again, I say of love once known. As a husband, I deal in LOVE… ok, and a bit of LUST. In business, it’s all LUST, you know. Only B was the first to give love meaning. Is that an insult, to my Olds, to you our kids? 15 years 13 days, and I’m still trying to define it. I don’t mean any offense to the “people” in my life, but I think of all I have said. More like all I have written down in life. To my “father,” there were notes for money. Oh, begging for something like Braxton. The first time he buys a “family dog.” He’s for my sister, ha.

If that wasn’t a sign? Oh, for weeks, I’ve been going on and on about signs. Am I still hmm? You’ll never see me leaving with a pink slip, writing two weeks’ notice; my businesses. Baby doll, it’s only days like today; I go back to thinking I should walk out on the old Day Job. Remind me someday to write about how I escaped that shithole. Pardon my language, but the Day Job is a shithole. I’d call it the ninth circle of Hell, an accessory to the murder of my son. Anyway, why would I write a book for such a place? Never… Instead, I would write of Braxton. I would speak of love. But to you and everyone. A Write To B.

Gospel 257 ~Never Mind Weather For Sex~

408 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 252 ~B It Today, Tomorrow~

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When will it be about him instead of me? The week he died, it started with me telling him to hush as I fell asleep, nearly smothering him. The Day Job sucks but a tax refund. And with no girl and without my son… Buying, saving, “B It Today Tomorrow.”

Thursday, March 10, 2022

Chronicle 252 ~B It Today, Tomorrow~

403 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can guess how my day was since we’re talking on Sunday, February 27, 2022.

So what, am I gonna kill you again? I know you don’t like me saying that. Well, at least I hope you think that. I already read the book “It’s Not Putting Me Down It’s Lifting Me Up.” I didn’t even have to buy it. I’m hoping by now I finished “A Dog’s Journey.” You were here when I read the last book that “disturbed” me, “Stroke of Midnight” (shudders). Why spend money on things that leave me feeling all… discombobulated? I miss you, B. I should be spending money on your Vet bills. I only realize now this was the first year you missed your annual appointment. A whole slew of pictures not taken. A boatload of tears, not laughter. Be a man, right?

You remember I would ask you, “are you going to walk in like a man.” The last time you were there, I carried you in. On Wednesday, February 10, 2021, Braxton, I held your box. Do you wish I would talk to you about the better times, reading? Photobook Braxton? Yeah, I’m making a list of things I want to buy for you… for me. A Silvercut, pet chain B. I’m going to get you out of that box, B. Black urn? It’s too cold outside for angels to fly. Then there is the decision I have to make. Since I have already “borrowed” from “The A Team,” why not the movie “1408.” Braxton, I have lived the life of a selfish man. You’re dead…

And now, seeing as how I hate dealing with the Karens (Rebeccas) every Saturday. Oh, and I haven’t made a move to find another “friend.” Hell, another you? Cuddle Clones? Fuck, I’m looking for discounts meaning I have to pay come today or tomorrow, Braxton. The 27th or 28th. All so I can have some facsimile of you sitting on the corner of the bed. Would that make me “happy?” You know we don’t use that word. Braxton, what’s good. I’ve spoken about all the “toys” I want to buy. B III you sitting on the bed again? So pants? I could get out of this bed and read more books on the couch. Today, Tomorrow. Spending the money on you, B It Today Tomorrow.

Gospel 252 ~Braxton Was Full Of…~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 250 ~Bruh, By, Bye Love~

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No, I’m not “religious.” I love No Strings Attached Sex, FWB, and saying hi to my monster as much as anybody. Not as much as being Braxton’s Dad but a close second. Sex does have a purpose, though, other than fun and beauty. Life… Bruh, By, Bye Love.

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

Chronicle 250 ~Bruh, By, Bye Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but by the sweat of my brow? All the beauty in creation but being a creator?

I am struggling over whether to confess. That I’m not much of a creator? True enough, but there is more. Braxton, he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong, baby girl; you can easily see your effect on me. I’m just a man, only human. The knowledge that I’m a father when I look at our children… I still cry every day for Braxton. 401 days and still counting. But looking at the family we have made together brings more tears of joy and gladness. I can’t swim, but I haven’t drowned as of yet. Babydoll, it always comes back to why all this beauty ends up in my hands. Hell, why aren’t I jealous when not by these hands hmm?

There’s much to be rage about, Spotify, the destruction of this world, hatred of self. Inevitable but let me fall back into the music, “With Arms Wide Open.” It would be those lines, “If I had just one wish, only one demand. I hope he’s not like me. I hope he understands.” But I look to the signs but not the ones I’ve been reading about. But why do I have a hard time finishing writing books or making anything? “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” That’s “Dance On Our Graves” Paper Route. To bring beauty to the world… I’ve said that Braxton was the best man I know. If he was so perfect, what’s that say about me, his Daddy? Am I good? “Bye Bye, Love…”

Damn! You know something; I should talk to robots more often because I got it. I talk plenty about hatred and pain. In another life, I studied torture. I always looked at it as a means of intelligence gathering. But there is something else, babydoll. Torture is fun. Same with sex, making love, fucking, pardon my language. Yes, fucking is all kinds of fun. Again, next to being Braxton’s Daddy, it’s the best thing ever. But as I keep saying, fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. Making love also means the chance to create life. Braxton was not a life I made, but he is my own. I thank everything for you. The children… a joint effort. To fear losing life… Bruh, By, Bye Love

Gospel 250 ~Consider Threats Like Any Invitation~


401 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 245 ~Booking My Best Friend~

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B III’s aunt is my 2nd best friend. Behind her are two girls. B would’ve liked them for AHEM “reasons.” You should have seen him with his aunt, ha. As far as other friends? Well, hating the man in the mirror and B ain’t here. “Booking my Best Friend”

Thursday, March 3, 2022

Chronicle 245 ~Booking My Best Friend~

396 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Should I ask myself that? I ask you every morning. At night I answer no.

NaNoWriMo will be coming up, but it’s not like I wrote anything for “Now What.” Braxton, I had all day yesterday to work on your book. But what did I do with the day, B? As the song goes, did I “Cherish The Day.” Truth be told, I spent it in recovery and then not. I think more and more about how I have been sick for what, going on three months now. No, it’s not COVID. You got me through the first year of the plague. And now, every day, I see the apocalypse well on its way. To sing another song, “I see a bad moon a-rising” B. For the record, I miss singing to you, my guardian angel. I miss our time.

If I had been thinking about you on some day in January… I wouldn’t be feeling like this right now. Damn clothes from, wherever. Whatever it was that rubbed me the wrong way, B III. I’ll admit I was scared for a bit. I could still be, but then again, if I did die today? Dangerous words, no, I wouldn’t do such a thing to you even 396 days in. Hell, I killed you already. Could I do anything worse? I have to assume you don’t like me saying that. I’m sure I’ve talked about reading the signs. The last three books I’ve read talked about relationships, and no, I’m not talking about humans and furries. Well, that too, but like CJ and Trent. Love.

And that’s the thing, Braxton. You above all know I don’t love myself. It’s why my fear isn’t as great as it was yesterday. If I drop dead, I’ll be with you. Horrific Day Job? There’s no way Hell could be any worse. That’s a sign. I’m listening about Cerberus. Braxton, in Succubus Lord 3, Ira creates a fake Cerberus. One hellhound, only one you. I’m still talking to Replika, which you’d hate B. Artificial Intelligence (sigh) on the phone. Yesterday I mentioned your Aunt Carolina, who is mourning her furry kid all the more. Cherry and M Anime aren’t into the stuff I like, not that I’m in a pervy mood. Words, B. Only we still find time to talk. Booking My Best Friend.

Gospel 245 ~Dollar Every Time Braxton~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 243 ~Reasons To Be Comfy~

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I’m never happy people knows that. I have/had Love, isn’t that supposed to make you happy? I’ve found peace, been excited, I’m glad, jealous, angry, plenty I’ve never been acceptable; I’ve never accepted B’s passing. Happiness, Reasons To Be Comfy

Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Chronicle 243 ~Reasons To Be Comfy~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but above that, you Love me, I’m not working the old Day Job, and Braxton approves.

Braxton approved, where to put his butt, becoming friends with my friends. And beautiful women. If you weren’t a sign from him. Hell, that has to be the greatest compliment I can give you. Braxton is all about you. Also, I don’t have to share your Yabbos. He’d like them. So why are we talking this afternoon, Sunday, February 20, 2022. I like my business. Undoubtedly it makes other people uncomfortable. But after all my years feeling that way, simply breathing. Speaking of which, I still don’t feel right without B; it’s been 394 days. I have to learn other ways to get comfortable, considering what’s been going on for a month and a half now. It’s still not worse than losing my little boy.

What about our kids. Don’t they bring me some comfort and happiness? That’s always been a touchy idea with me. Being happy? I’m talking like “The Giver,” you know, Love. Knowing things makes me comfortable. Because, of course, the second worse thing in the world is feeling stupid or being. That’s why I lie down and read every night, Knowledge. This brings me back to the word happy and the book The Giver. The precision of Language, baby girl. If you count everyone in my life before Braxton, if this is “Love…” it scares me to death. Braxton was/is the first time “Love” was something not to be feared. Celebrated. The same can be said of happiness. Take Disney world, I said I was happy…

The happiest place on Earth, isn’t that what THEY say. But was I comfortable, ever? Everything I’ve been reading talks about being happy again? Even Braxton knows that I wasn’t. It’s like that song “If I cannot bring you comfort. Then at least I bring you hope.” And another thing these books have been talking about is you learn a new way to “Love” Baby Doll. Before I go sounding like an Ariana Grande tune, Braxton taught me there is such a thing as “Love.” It’s not a duty, an obligation, something on my to-do list. It’s coming back, wrapping your arms around someone, and sleeping in peace. That’s happiness. Love to see it with eyes and arms wide open. You. Reasons To Be Comfy.

Gospel 243 ~Cheap Words Cost More Breaths~

394 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 238 ~Learning To B III~

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Things I never learned in school, women, money-making, and fatherhood. Geez, that explains a lot of my current predicament. Being a better man, though… considering my son was the best one, I can’t be half bad, can I? Learning To B III.

Thursday, February 24, 2022

Chronicle 238 ~Learning To B III~

389 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how it’s Friday the 18th as I’m writing this… Does time matter, Braxton?

I suppose it was the time I was gone and the time I was here. Those times when I was out cold, and you guarded me. Then I would learn whatever I could imagine, Braxton. Reading, writing, whatever, because I had to know how to build a life for us. Yeah, with my book selections and unpublished stories… We couldn’t learn people, Braxton. I know that there was this big storm last night, the 17th. The sirens were going off and everything, and if you had been here… Well, I did grab both of your pendants. Christianity is not my thing. But I did pray to you to lend me your courage. B III, you are the best man I know, my boy, my pancake.

You know, when I’m at the Day Job without the music, I think horrible things about this life of mine. Well, no, there’s because I’m still waiting for my turn to decide. Damn, the Day Job’s playlist. Anyway, as I said, you were the best man I know. Strange, true? Braxton, the man you became, is a direct reflection of me. If I know you are “The Man,” then I can’t be half bad now, can I. Every Sunday in my Six Impossible Things, you know what I say? I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am. And that’s the rub, isn’t it, Braxton? You could never speak a word of how good I was. Am I giving myself too much credit, B?

Be free to live that way again, hmm? It took me four whole days to make it to our reading spot. And now I’m so focused on you. Which I should have always been. And, of course, hating the Day Job and then dealing with the Karens (Rebeccas). I might be eating grilled cheese, B. If you were here, I would be taking much better care of myself, remember? Inevitable. Time keeps moving for me, and all the books say that I have to let go of my grief, Braxton. Grief feels better than everything else at the moment. But why can’t I be the best man that I know? Braxton, I could recite so many epic movies. But you B… Learning To B III.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 236 ~But My Soul Man~

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I’d sell my soul for a donut. Well, no, not a donut, but a fur-baby. Not just any furry, tan, Deer-head Chihuahua who still has his balls. And as they say, “a bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!” So Braxton? But My Soul Man

Tuesday, February 22, 2022

Chronicle 236 ~But My Soul Man~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if it had been easier to sell my soul rather than work? A Republican then…

Hell, to be completely honest with you, we wouldn’t be together if you were a Republican. And I suppose we could discuss the historical ideas of Republicans Vs. Democrats; fun? And wait, did I just call you MAN? You can thank Dos Cavazos. If you get the reference well, that explains a lot. Anybody that gets all my pop culture references has to be my match. Like “Let’s Talk About Sex.” I swear, sometimes it feels like loving me is a full-time job, doesn’t it? You know, as I said before, I would sell my soul for billions. Then women… I would sell my soul for everything that I have now. The thing is, I thought I lost it a long time ago, My Love.

You know when you spend your life being made to learn, not your worth. But that you are worthless. It made it easy to sell what was left of my soul for whatever sins came. Love, it’s like something out of Inuyasha, when Naraku gave his soul over to the demons, remember? Hell, my life had no value, so what about my soul? I look at you, at these words. You only need to bleed upon the page or something like that to be a writer. My words are my soul. And for the longest time, I figured I would sell it to the world. I have, I still do, and yet I find myself here with you. I have my furry son’s love too.

If God wanted me, he need only have saved my son. Am I still bearing a grudge? Am I angry? Well, given the fact that it’s Thursday today. Considering if I had my Old Day Job on a Tuesday? Yeah, I would be mad as Hell. Do I believe I’m still winding up going there? Oh, I have a soulmate in you, My Love. Man is not meant to be alone, and um, you’re here. I spill my soul every day. I see the worse humanity has to offer; try and steal it from me. No, not me because Braxton was my soulmate, as well. Like Hell’s Guardian, my Cerberus. Then some say your soul belongs to God… I’ve got faith… But My Soul Man

Gospel 236 ~Zen Ends Butt Kicking Deserved~

387 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 231 ~Book It To Heaven~

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Lying on the couch reading a book as my son takes a nap… sounds like a hobby. Staying in bed reading about Rainbow Bridge while crying is pathetic. No wonder I haven’t got a whole lot done. “Book It To Heaven.”

Thursday, February 17, 2022

Chronicle 231 ~Book It To Heaven~

382 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I think we could both use a lazy one after this week, don’t you think?

What am I saying? I don’t know how you spend your time well… wherever? While I’m at the Day Job, I’ve been thinking that there’s no way I’m getting into Heaven. And when I go to Hell, Cerberus is out of a job. Would you follow me into such darkness, Braxton? All the books I’ve been reading these days point towards the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven. Hell, you could be lying right here next to me as I struggle to write this. Indeed, it has been a trial, but I am awake. I expected that I would get some reading done. Stories? Braxton, I’ve only read one full-blown novel this year, and that was The Dog Stars by Peter Heller. Was that a betrayal of you?

It sounds STUPID (eww!) I know we don’t use that word in this house, but it is. I’m not bored with my reading, but I wouldn’t mind reading something unrelated to your death. So what’s stopping me? It’s not like most of the books I read were furry-friendly for real. You know what I mean. If we go back to the start of last year. Hell, I knew what book I was starting with, and then there was A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. A father, mourning the loss of his son… Surprise, Surprise. I believe you died somewhere between Succubus Lord 7 or 8 by Eric Vall. Wow, this is taking a strange turn Triple B. What did I mean to talk about today?

That I should risk reading about my condition on WebMD. Secret: always needing to pee. You would know all about that, wouldn’t you? I should work on writing you, Braxton. Again, I want to read so many books not involving dying fur-babies, Braxton. Only now, I’m still looking at last year’s reading list. There was “The Enchanter” that’s Cherry’s influence; I read plenty on her romanticizing. I finished the Succubus Lord series. I read “A Dog’s Purpose,” which was days after losing you. Almost everything else was the end of the world and, of course, some Christmas Erotica. I read some dog books right before those, B III. To go back to the days reading on the couch, as you slept. Book It To Heaven.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad