Tag: Fear

Gospel 097 ~Will Goes To L~

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Unlike a zombie virus, I think love will find me someday. Well, I do have puppy love if you count my little pancake running around the house. Maybe it’s all his hair floating around everywhere or a change in the weather. Will Goes To L

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 097 ~Will Goes To L~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but my favorite color will always be black. While I like tigers, my favorite animal will always be my dæmon. How many secrets do I want to share with you? LOTS. The L-word Baby Doll? I wish I could say that you were the first woman I ever said that too. People can be bad influences using that word all Willy-nilly. I tell my dæmon, you, our other children every day. I love you. Look at me being all sentimental and because of a stuffy nose. I can be a big baby when I get… nope.

Let me LIVE the dream. The Impossible Dream because I’m not sick. Only when you live in the plague era for going on how many months? There were times where I merely existed from one day to another. I want to breathe because one day I’ll have lots to say. Not only about the current bit of LITERATURE I’m reading. I could talk about books for hours and how many times I’ve been, Accidentally In Love, as the song goes. We haven’t taken the kids to the library in ages, and now my favorite movie spot is about to close. It’s like LISTENING to all those 40s and 50s apocalyptic tracks that are now coming true. If something was wrong with me, I wouldn’t want you here and at that time… well, you know me, misery and company as THEY say. Yet you’re my sunshine.

Baby, You’re My LIGHT, so am I in Heaven already. Anything without you would be Hell. Damn, how serious did that get? It’s like looking on WebMD that will always tell you you’re dying. We should be enjoying the sunshine or basking in each other. Surrounding ourselves in this thing called LIFE. If I’ve learned anything from my End of the World ideology. People like me are practically immortal. Well, I got lucky; I didn’t have to wait for the zombie lot to find you. I’m the only boy, and you’re the only girl, ha. We Found LOVE in a hopeless place. Yeah, do I want to stay listening to Spotify all day. I could hear you tell me that you love me repeatedly. The kids are someone laughing at the dæmon. He would Dance On Our Graves now. Hate keeps you living; love’s worth dying. Will Goes To L

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

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People crying for money, laughing at me, and I’m sure some Trump supporters are out of relief. Sometimes I feel like tearing up, but there is something else coming out of my eyes, and that’s fear of uncertainty. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds

Monday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

Hundred And Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford to get medical care like Trump. I’ll never have to hear that humming in the house ever again (yes, it has returned). How about we finish our conversation before wrestling comes on. I’m about to start sounding like Georgina from the movie Get Out. I don’t have the plague, Madam Justice. My nose is acting kind of funny, that’s all. Damn, that humming ended, I don’t know when and has started back today. We’ll still be talking when it’s time for WWE.

Now, Madam Justice, you know how I talk about FEAR, but doubt is a relative. Hell, let’s talk about the Day Job’s humiliation. I tried hanging up those doggy sweaters, got scared, and left them. So yeah, the new guy put them up no problem, and I looked SIGH, STUPID. When I came back to the house, I was all in reading the latest novel, and knowing me, all I wanted to do was fall asleep. Not because it’s terrible, but that’s what I do? Am I tired? I have another word for it, Madam Justice. If anything, I’m damn lazy, slothful, good for nothing. What about my OCD over everything? Oh, I do mean everything. I had a plan this afternoon that got spoiled because some lady was outside Walmart, begging for money. Afterward, I’m sitting there doubting I have cash for ranch wings.

That’s why I’m sitting on the sofa, lying in bed, hell, staring at my phone in a parked car. It’s like floating, you know. Madam Justice, I can’t swim, and I literally can’t float in a pool. Only when I’m right here, in bed, or a zombie, I’m keeping my head above water just so. Every day I’m fighting like crazy and then wonder why I’m going mad with a straight face. I read about this torture, where a drop of water to the temple continuously will get that result. Yet I continue to sit or lie, and I keep breathing, but how much longer? I don’t mean to sound so dark. Notice what I’m not talking about… I have such a good joke, but no. I doubt my resolve, along with everything else in my life. Has the humming stopped, or have I stopped worrying about it right now?

Sweat, blood, tears, sloppy writing. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 095 ~It’s The “Willing” Hour~

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People talk about seeing the light, there’s the sun, my son, the glow of my computer screen (writing), and please can I take my mind off of headlights if you know what I mean? It’s The “Willing” Hour.

Sunday, October 4, 2020

Gospel 095 ~It’s The “Willing” Hour~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means, well, God only knows what I would do with that wealth. Haven’t I said that before? Anyway, for you, it’s the witching hour. Um, nope, it’s 6:25 AM, but you were up at 4:05. You’re getting ever so much closer to “Wake Up At 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life.” Now I’m not here to reiterate that video. Don’t I always repeat myself? You’re not learning the lessons, are you; sitting on the sofa with a sleepy Dæmon. You want the WOMEN, to WAKE up happy, then WORK.

Today is always about the LIST of those Six Impossible Things. You’ve had three hours, and what have you done. The Walking Dead, Call me a LEGEND, a shower, shave, and sit down. Speaking of which, The Walking Dead comes back tonight, so good things. Entertaining yourself should be the last thing on your list. Hell, you’ve even flirted with the idea of starting Pinterest again? Albeit you’ll block it because people do suck. That, of course, brings me back to you with so many distractions. Don’t touch that phone, dude. In ten minutes, your three-hour window of opportunity is gone, but what about yesterday? I know that’s my fault. Besides sleeping and fighting off addiction, I was zoned out. Do you know I didn’t hint at porn to Lady Lu? Wow, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight Always
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus by A.J. Markam
    Completed

A score of thirty-four, so yeah, an F, but what does that number even mean? The Goodreads Challenge got done. Ten books. Yet I want you to make it eleven. Incredible how damn easy it is for you to become distracted. Focus on Succubus 2 (Hell To Pay), will you? Mathematics is such a bore until it comes to what you should be doing and, above all, living. Instead, you rather count sex scenes, suspensions, and the hours of sleep you’re getting. Although you got six last night, it’s never enough, and no, don’t check the Day Job. You’re here right now facing the man in the mirror, and when it’s 7:45 AM, you’re moving to the dining room table. Yes, you’re removing yourself from your comfort zone. And again, I don’t mean to sound like so many repeated motivations. You have Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight Always
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus 2 (Hell To Pay) Another A.J. Markam Title

Damn, these things have lasted almost the whole year. Exhaustion and Erotica are not rewards. Work, It’s The “Willing” Hour.”

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 094 ~Dying For The Will~

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I would kill for a nap right now, but why not for money, is that any better? At least when I’m sleeping, no one is being hurt fictionally or factually but didn’t my son wake me up yesterday. His heart problems… “Dying For The Will, where’s my heart?”

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Gospel 094 ~Dying For The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and yet have no one to leave my fortune to. If I had the money, somewhere on the list would be how to make dogs live longer. Yesterday I brought up that the Dæmon and I had a bit of a scare. My son’s heart was working too hard, and my heart? It seems only when it’s breaking, is when I realize I have one at all. Every other time well… as you know, I commit many a sin, most based on FEAR. While not one of the seven deadly or nine circles a crime. But today, let’s talk about SLOTH.

THEY say it’s the most difficult sin to define, and like any disease it is, will or has killed me. Hell, if this was the Day Job we were talking about, I wouldn’t be complaining. Don’t I love writing? Wasn’t I almost on time today, 4:15 AM? Get up at 4:00 AM, 3:00 if ET. Dearest Lu, I don’t mean to be so down today. I’m a black man living in America. Even when we’re up, we’re down for the struggle, praying, or living the dream. I guess all those typing lessons in school didn’t take as I watch my fingers flying and son napping. However, I always know that I can do so much better for him. For us, but I might die right here on this couch someday because I neither want to do or try. Why is it every day I sound more like a Republican, but then again, I want to vote. Let’s say I’m inspired.

To what, help my country and indeed the world. Didn’t I talk about wearing masks and how I didn’t want anyone to die? If anything, I like the apocalyptic aesthetic. Well, it turns out that was false hmm as I watch people celebrate (you know who) get carted off for treatment. Only there’s no antidote for laziness, for Sloth. I wonder why are conversations take so long, Lady Luna, and it’s because I want everything to be perfect… Now again, isn’t that one more lie? My fingers and tongue have all the energy in the world to make up excuses. Of course, if this was the Day Job? Now that’s something I don’t want to lose. Yet here I am sitting, writing, I love it but Dying For The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 093 ~Will’s Got A TALE~

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So I read ten books this year… yeah, compared to other years *cough* forty or more. Now I shouldn’t be coughing with what I read this morning. Between the president and the story Succubus, I should be writing or preparing. Will’s Got A TALE

Friday, October 2, 2020

Gospel 093 ~Will’s Got A TALE~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still lie. What rich person doesn’t lie? I don’t like to think of it like that, writing fiction that I forget, the fighting. Don’t forget all the FORNICATION. Apologies, Lady Sophia. I TELL too many TALES about well TAIL.

TELLING all the excuses I want to make this morning about why we’re late having this conversation. Yeah, did I misspell the word LAZY or how about FEAR. Geez, I’m not fond of this life, or my computer cord’s messing up or my Dæmon. Losing him is the great FEAR. I could be empathic and tell you my feelings on John Legend and Chrissy Teigen losing a child. What about the political news? The Trumps are having a hard time, but I’m trying not to be, um me. I could be drawing up protest signs or making my voice heard. Awesome if I could make myself clear to M. Anime. An intelligent mind, no doubt, and then again? Okay, I’ll shut up now. It’s not like I’m telling anyone else anything considering my friend’s list.

TALES, need to be told, Lady Sophia. In that case, where are the eight hundred words I pledged yesterday? Am I getting ready for NaNoWriMo? If I Were A Rich Man… yeah, I would do what Republicans do, cheat. Hell, I’m a poor man, and I’m not opposed to it. Seriously Lady Sophia, what am I going to write about? My Lady, I usually cast the Basic Bitch (pardon my language) as the villainess in my works. Of course, my last two novels have been inspired by Cherry. I don’t need to think about her, the second day, NO FAPPING.

TAIL isn’t what I want from her, no, not at first. It’s Yabbos. I know My Lady, never a day goes by that I don’t bring up sex. Maybe it’ll help if I said that I finished Succubus by A.J. Markham? I told you I spend all my money on Yabbos. I bought the second book. However, back to my works, babes, bullets, and brothels. If it’s not that, what about my poetry? You saw how it worked out with MILF Tres. At least I haven’t said anything STUPID about MILF Cuatro, a.k.a. Specs. I got to write for money, but the Day Job PAYS.

Thankfully my Dæmon’s story is ongoing. Will’s Got A TALE.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 092 ~Now Willy, It’s Only~

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Why can’t I be happy with the few streaming services I have? No, not one of them is Pornhub, but I have paid a few artists, I have books galore with erotica, and am I’m counting free OnlyFans subscriptions. Now Willy, It’s Only $15.00, $10.00, $5.00?

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Gospel 092 ~Now Willy, It’s Only~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can subscribe to several OnlyFans accounts. You might find this hard to believe, but I’m not subscribed to any… that you have to pay for. Okay, sure, when I signed up for OnlyFans, I did pay to see Jada Jinxx. Oh yeah, and Mia Rose, who’s legendary. Karlee Grey got me. Even now, I got a message from a girl for a free thirty-day subscription. Fortunately, and sadly, I’m a lot more reasonable than I was last night. Yes, I broke again, but I did save $15.00.

It’s only $15.00, I kept saying to myself and for what. Dirty Diana, I can’t even estimate how many photos I have of Tifa Lockhart’s Yabbos. Now seeing her Yabbos in a wedding dress. I’ve imagined plenty of Yabbos in wedding dresses with Pinterest suspension. Hold on, it’s only logical. You remember how I was with Dear Future Wife, and I often had interracial married couples. In fact, I broke yesterday because of something innocent… I said something once about “Kleenxing Knockers,” I remember. Entertainment SIGH only about some blond girl on a bridge in a purple dress that I can’t find for the life of me. Instead, I broke to another blonde in blue, and here I am clear-headed and pretty damn disappointed. Now not in her but myself.

It’s only natural, Fapping that is. Hell, I’m trying not to because I sent a message to that girl about the subscription. Now I’m sitting here $5.00 lighter for seeing her tits. A great man talked about his balls and his word. However, there goes $10; I promise I’ll stop. Incredible that it’s only that easy to get me to spend money. Fuck Dirty Diana, if it were that simple with Cherry, M. Anime, MILF Dos (COUGH) $300. Where do I get off saying I’ve never paid for sex? Um, Uncontrollable Lust, SubscribeStar.adult, my investment. As Heather Nova sings, “It’s Only Love,” and plenty have said that money can’t buy me what, love. I told a friend that I’m not looking for it. To this day, I believe my purpose is… what Yabbos, that’s sad.

It’s Only me, reading a book called Succubus by A.J. Markam. One of my novels made women into monsters out for bucks, balls, and blood. How much more will they get? Now Willy, It’s Only

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 091 ~Willing To See More~

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Well, I’ve seen the end of Existence month; everyone would talk about how horrible 2020 is looking. No zombies but the Cult of Trump, hell at least I respected Eden’s Gate. The debate last night SIGH. “Willing To See More,” people are a mess, me too.

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Gospel 091 ~Willing To See More~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ve seen much of the world by now, right? No SIGH, especially now, but M. Anime suggested Amsterdam given my “interests.” I’ll admit that English accents turn me on ever since Hermione Granger. Now you know we’ll get to her. Yet more to the point, I like Cherry and her Mum’s Yabbos. Not that I’ve seen them, but I wish. There’s plenty of things I wish I hadn’t bared witness to. I’ll be careful what I wish for. Movies like 2008’s Blindness and 2018’s Bird Box creep me out.

Here we go, and yes, I blame myself, but I hate seeing me in the mirror every day. The television is right in front of it in my bedroom, and I covered one side with paperwork. I rarely use the full-body mirror. I avoid Snapchat if only for this reason. And still no physical issues. Well, speaking of problems, what about the Presidential Debate last night? How many times have I said that I need to stop listening to any old white man? Um, the ones I make heroes were surrounded by Beauties. Even with that, I’m voting for Biden. Ain’t That America? I love my country Inspector Echo, and I want to see her real again. All I see is hate, but then also, that isn’t so much the “battle of our time.” I see hatred in everything, and whether it be outside or within, what am I doing?

Want to see how ugly I can be, AHEM? I don’t need the plague era ending. No, Inspector Echo, I’m not saying I want more people to die. I mean with the masks, the munitions, the mass panic. I want more of it. This is the world I’ve desired and yet want to save? Entertainment wise, and yes, I turn towards the rest of the world. I lust for UK Bubbies, Russian Bewbz, and Japanese “Bazongas” um Girlfriend Reviews. Let’s not forget the Polish hmm. Between MILF Dos and a few Hentai artists, I’m keeping my bucks, or I was. Finally, I continue to hear these stories, and yes, while I’m not sure about looks, I think these photos make me “ugly.” Anyway, these women speak of such horrors, and what do I think honestly? Hot… I’m going to Hell.

Sorry to look but not see. Willing To See More

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 090 ~Will You Blame Me~

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Babbling, Blaming but Behaving as it is Tuesday. Nobody ever blames me for making sense or being a nice guy. Anyway, I suppose my future wife is looking forward to blaming me, and yeah, it will be guilty as charged, probably. “Will You Blame Me”

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Gospel 090 ~Will You Blame Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now because I want to give you the world? My Love, I’ve told you, I’m a Traditionalist, and my Mom raised a gentleman. Well, she did her best. Only you can put the blame on me. Yes, baby girl, I’m all guilty about a great many things. Now I could blame society on top of being one for ahem TRADITION. I’m a movie buff. They’re all filled with men being in the wrong. I could blame um… nobody, yeah, no one at all. For the record, I never understood what I was apologizing for. How about fear?

It didn’t stop me when it came to you. Still, as the song goes, “Fear is the Heart of Love.” Only that’s my fear, and yet you’re here. We chose to share our lives, and isn’t this it. How can I give such terror to the woman I love? See, I want to say I’m sorry for such a thing. What about repeating myself over and over? I know you heard me, I know it’s okay. A man said that his girlfriend was the first person to have any faith in him. You, sweet baby doll, are the first person to ever hear me and not reject me, roar at me, or go running away. You can blame me for wishing to know everything about you. THEY say what you know can’t hurt you. Hell, I’ve told you everything, and even now, I’m sure I’m lying about that but not intentionally. It’s the guilt, though.

Will you blame me if I can’t be the husband you deserve? I love you, but I have dreams, and maybe one day you’ll be the last. You’re the one that I hope never ends, but my writing, my woman, and my world. I’m guilty of wanting everything. It’s never-ending. Will you blame me for not being the best father? I never was even when it was only my firstborn. I know that money isn’t the end all be all. Now that was my father. There’re reasons you’ll never meet him. He showed me how not to be when you wake up suddenly you’re in love. Will you blame me for losing and trying again? For knowing that you might hate me someday. Yes, for being the man you chose?

Guilty of loving you always. Now, will you blame me?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 089 ~Guilt Is A Fine Poison~

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There are things a lot worse than death. Okay, not many, but if I ever get busted, I hear Mexico is fine this time of the year, and if Trump gets reelected. At least I take the blame, but the question is, what have you got, hm? Guilt Is A Fine Poison

Monday, September 28, 2020

Gospel 089 ~Guilt Is A Fine Poison~

Hundred And Fifty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I either have or as the song goes. “There have been times I find myself thinking of committing some dreadful crime.” Oh, the secrets untold in the universe, should I acquire such wealth. I tell you, Madam Justice, I need to get some black heroes one of these days. Anyway, as one white man said, if he won the lottery, it would be a bunch of hookers and cocaine. How about the concept of Disregard Females, Acquire Currency? That explains why I’m not napping. Guilt?

Hell, if we were talking only today, sigh, I woke up at 2:30 AM to write or read. Um, well, you know what I did. I went right back to sleep until I got up for the Day Job. It’s funny. I never find guilt in going to Hell but only along the path of paradise, which is my writing. While there, of course, everybody looks at me like I’m STUPID (shudders). Even with all the RAGE coursing through me, it’s as if I’m not working hard enough, ever. I’m mad that I was a minute late, but you know how it is. ANXIETY. One more reason I’m awake now. What about the fact that I sort of had to blow M. Anime off? I was working, but she’s one of my few remaining friends. I expect soon MILF Dos will find the loophole and block me. I’m not stalking her, but that right there makes me guilty. Damn Instagram!

In one way, I’m like Akon singing out, “You can put the blame on me.” As always, I never want to Hurt Somebody. I fuck up with women, a lot and I can pretty much suss out why; pardon my language. Still, I wish I could get them all in a room and have explanations. Probably less likely I could play Rag’ n’Bone Man. “I’m only human after all, Don’t put your blame on me.” Have you noticed I haven’t mentioned Pinterest lately, and even Whisper is starting to act funny? I’m a man Madam Justice, never hinted being any good. So you can hate me now or like when I look at my Dæmon. Sorry, but the streets too hot, it’s freezing or “Blame It On The Rain,” yeah.

Yeah, GUILT doesn’t kill me. It keeps me from Hell. Guilt Is A Fine Poison.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 088 ~Quoth The Willing, “Chicken”~

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Yesterday, I failed to heed my Ma’s advice, “Don’t shop when you’re hungry.” It’s why I had a spicy chicken sandwich and a buffalo chicken sub. I also have two chicken biscuits waiting. You are what you eat, they say. Quoth The Willing “Chicken”

Sunday, September 27, 2020

Gospel 088 ~Quoth The Willing, “Chicken”~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and just because you aren’t as well is no reason to be disappointed. Neither is the fact that you broke checking out some lesbian chick. At the very least, you know you’re not her type. Hell, you read this morning. Nowhere near enough, but you’re halfway done. Of course, you already know how the Six Impossible Things are going to look. What happened last night, of course, is all my fault. But why are we still on about birds? It’s not early.

I’m trying to lose my NIGHT OWL ways. Do yourself a favor and keep picking a proper bedtime… not that it helps. Six hours ain’t enough, seeing as how you were in bed till 5:00 AM. Even longer, if you count, playing around on your phone while trying to read. Of course, you know what that means, looking at CHICKS. There’s the succubus Alaria, to Cherry and her Mum. Now at least you were reading Succubus by A.J. Markam. If I did more of that, I wouldn’t have seen “her,” MILF Dos. I swear there was um, “A Mad Hope.” The first was for peace from up above. A DOVE? Now I don’t think you have time for poetry, but the truth is you just don’t want to write it. Now it wasn’t a peace sign. Um MILF Dos forgot to block you. Now how do you know that? It’s like failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight Always
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus by A.J. Markam

Like these things, I’m a dead DUCK if I try and talk to her. W. Anton wrote about how men are made to feel like they must earn a woman. You are having a moment knowing to do better sigh. You could give the Bangin Betty Stroker Kit a whirl if you so chose to. You could learn how to cook a TURKEY besides All The Small Things you can make somehow. How about all the time we know you’ll waste with Tony Baker videos of turkeys this week. It’s still September. You’d rather stuff a lesbian you saw online. Entertaining, choking the CHICKEN, instead of doing anything worthwhile in your life. Now that’s harsh, and who am I to talk. You don’t get awards anymore for having a nap yet still Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight Always
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus by A.J. Markam

So Fly Like An Eagle for your country is not but you hell, winning the Mockingjay; Quoth The Willing, “Chicken.”

I Will Have No Fear