Tag: Honesty

Episode 056 ~Will, Way, So Work~

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To be honest, I need the work in all areas of my life, as I heard during my motivation kick, sleep is for those who are broke which explains so much these past few days. Will, Way, So Work, I have it all so won’t I?

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Episode 056 ~Will, Way, So Work~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason I wouldn’t make a good boss besides crippling social anxiety. Not expecting much of anything and more than a willingness to look at porn on top of everything else. No, I’m not going to beg you or even ask because when has that ever helped and especially with this week. You’re going to be unconscious. It’s going to be a hard one, yes harder than THAT; I’m afraid if that’s even possible my friend.

I would say I have no time for excuses, but I haven’t had time for anything else besides sleeping. When exactly is the energy boost from NO FAP supposed to kick in or maybe I haven’t been eating healthy again. It could be the pressure like I said, I figured this week was all settled, paying off the blog. And then the car trouble and having this thing about eating on the regular. It’s going to be close. Of course, sitting around waiting to fail is not right, and the thing is I don’t have to. A friend paid me some interest, and yet I’m sitting on the money. Yeah, one more thing to add to failing Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 012 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. “I Will” Review “The Art Of Peace”
Failed
4. I Will Make It To The Library
Failed
5. I Will Read “Ven” by Ker Dukey
Failed
6. I Will Edit One Chapter A Day of “Apocalypse Rush” (Novel) 11 ― 17
Failed

Another 17.5 F, everything going into keeping my pants on. Now is the part of the story that you must admit you have a problem. And all your friends have an intervention to address the issue, lucky you don’t have any. Not entirely accurate, one left some time ago, another is Somebody’s Baby. Still another girl tries her best, and a fourth idolizes the “Lolita” motif, that word… dirty right? Speaking of dirty, your hands, you’ll be working most of this week but what about writing? Do you think God up and abandoned his universe? No wonder Alice found another one, but you can’ even attempt these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 012 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. “I Will” Review “The Art Of Peace”
4. I Will Make It To The Library
5. I Will Finish “Ven” by Ker Dukey and K. Webster
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush” (Novel)

Does it look like I’m going easy on you? There are factors to consider. Money, wearing out the tires with library trips when I saw hope and “potential.” How I hate that word because it means you should be doing more to make it disappear right? The man I hope you will be is starting to vanish, and you can’t let that happen, but I don’t know how to convince you. Hell Will I know you can wake up at the right time and there is so much I know.

Will you have to, you must, because it’s getting around that time, no, the time is always now, so what to do with the rest of the day? “Rule 158 I’m Will, There’s A Way” so Will, Way, So Work.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 050 ~Winners Do Whatever They Want~

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Today was not a winning day, how I have dreamed a dream for hours on end but I’m only now getting to writing and not on my book mind you though I did accomplish one goal today. Winners Do Whatever They Want, but I’m not there yet.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Episode 050 ~Winners Do Whatever They Want~

Forty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason I didn’t go to prom, besides not having a date, almost scared to death, or not believing in anything. Talk about faith, “that’s a pretty bad way to start a conversation” as Kanye West would say. What about people who aren’t winning anymore and the things I do win? I’ve never seen that movie “Eighth Grade” (thank you Regal Cinemas), but I know all about winning the QUIETEST Award. No thanks.

“Okay,” asked me about fearing success, or does my discovery scare me. I suppose it depends on how I see being a winner, and that to me equals, having the money, the power, and then the women. Typical black man Scarface logic. I was thinking about my Pinterest boards again, particularly Future Freaky Females. Yeah if I were anybody else, I would hate me. Such are fantasies, and the girls I never had. What of dreams, there was the one last night; my dream girls are always changing. When has the end of the world ever been winning? Why I still write all about it.

Anyway, I was with this girl, and we were hiding from something, and for the life of me, I can’t identify her. Other than the fact she had slight curves, a brunette or dark redhead, and she wore a short black dress. For what I know it could be Megan Fox (okay black hair) but black lingerie, this girl I used to know. Sandra Luberc, Chelsea From Casting Couch HD or this Milf that’s had me edging today. It’s like that song “When Somebody Loves You Back” that’s winning. Didn’t I say yesterday that love isn’t a prize and I don’t love those I named? Actresses, friends and enemies and I could go add on.

“To never die… And to conquer all. That is winning.”

Now my search for power leads me to this conclusion from Illyria. If there is any group that understands this, it is writers. Immortality and the few that continue to make us look like rank amateurs. If it’s love, I have my son but how much does he understand me? I would never hurt him… well, his feelings but how about my species my Justice?

I win, and somebody else has to lose, and it’s like the phrase “Just Kidding” if we’re both not laughing then it’s not funny. I read somewhere it’s not lonely at the top if you pull someone up with you. One day if I win I’ll have more time because Winners Do Whatever They Want.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 043 ~Losers Always Try Their Best~

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Last week I asked, can I do better, and this week as the song goes, you’re the best around, or maybe I would be if I ever got out of bed and started walking the Earth, but in doing what I consider my best… Losers Always Try Their Best.

Monday, August 13, 2018

Episode 043 ~Losers Always Try Their Best~

Forty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason I’m up so early, and it’s because I’m tired of being a loser, yeah that makes perfect sense, or it sucks to tear myself apart, much like this rule, but now I’m not doing my best, I’m doing me. Screwing myself over so one day; well that’s honestly Dirty Diana’s department right but anyway what exactly is my best because whatever it was, well I wanted more and so here I am becoming so damn demanding.

“Your “best”! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” ― The Rock (1996)

So you might be able to tell what the forty-sixth rule will be but for now, let’s start with something even more apparent, here I am “home,’ and I don’t see the prom queen anywhere, and for the record the Prom Queen web series (2007) is fantastic. I don’t want to try my best, if I can indeed attest that I ever did, I want to win, no more, no less, as with some of my motivational studies, win at all costs, if I’m going to sleep it might as well be in some king size bed with a pretty girl. I’m grateful for what I have and for the cuddly pup who continues to rest, but I can win for the both of us.

Unconditional love right but I have to find someone. First, I have to Git Up, Git Out, and yesterday was a decent start, though I was late, everything that I made a priority I got done… well not counting PCH but the way to Easy Street means traversing a hard road. Doing is trickier than trying, that would be a new rule if I weren’t sure I have already ripped-off Star Wars at some point, speaking of trying your best with the latest movies, though people are doing that. You know I’ve learned to hate the word “try” because what has it ever gotten me, I tried to get the job and I did, I try to sleep, and I do, it gets me survival but to DO means living.

I’m not the best at anything while I am trying, I’m losing but every day can be a step closer to victory if I do the work, and you know that I don’t mean the day job, and while I’m not the best writer I WILL work harder than whoever that is. Honestly, those speeches must be getting to me because though I am the Cosmic Castaway, for now, it is somehow more than accepting Losers Always Try Their Best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt7vCUfxZTk

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 036 ~ Remember This Is Your Creation~

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Can I do better, considering I have three different worlds to live with, my writing, dealing with people, and wanting a blessed life for my dog, I’m busy but what will I create today? Remember This Is Your Creation.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Episode 036 ~ Remember This Is Your Creation~

Forty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason and shall introduce you to my insanity, all of my writing, the little dog sleeping on my leg, my life, I wish I knew when somebody gave me the pencil and said get to work. Oh yeah, when I was a little kid and still I can’t help feeling like a child because every single time I say something I’m wrong, I wonder what my son honestly thinks about me, how much do I own outright and if that ain’t the American way my Madam Justice?

I’ve said this before that I don’t like using the word home because this isn’t my place and again I’m supposed to be grown, and yes home is where yadda, yadda, yadda but then what about my novel? Yeah, my characters are from all walks of life including myself, I’m always attempting to create another version of myself, and I can’t say I’m the best guy but what Alexa Bliss, Angie Griffin, Amber Hahn, Detroit: Become Human, to name a few. The new world comes into being upon the ashes of the old one, either if I’m burning my eye sockets from the screen, the ever-present glow, or wrapped up nice and toasty warm in my bed someday I think.

Speaking of ashes what about the mess, that’s what I’m good at, and the house isn’t looking too well with my exhaustion, but that’s what happens when you begin attempting to build something great. What about the fact that I want more kids, right now it’s my little boy and me. Creating, though I love my dog like pancakes only what about my life, again with the motivation, wanting to eat healthier, get my mind clearer. Feel Like Makin’ Love but It Takes Two that Madam Justice is creation, even God gave Adam his Eve okay maybe not a good example but do you blame the hand or the tools and no we are not getting into a discussion about the broke NRA, good news.

Creation, Madam Justice is a holy mission thus power, and how you know I want power above everything else, okay maybe not sleep but the dreams I create, not today though, no I experienced a terrible nightmare, but I did figure out what to tell Dear Future Wife and Dirty Diana. That is if I can hold onto to the blog you know the day is coming and strangely enough, rather than get my PS4 I want to save it, my brain, my ideas, soul… Remember This Is Your Creation.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 035 ~Willingness To Forget Rules~

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How hard is it to forget about me, everybody else does it quickly enough, but even when I’m asleep, well I should be doing that now, but I’m always having dreams, creating goals, and making some rules. Willingness To Forget Rules.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Episode 035 ~Willingness To Forget Rules~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason to, other than the fact that we want to prove we can learn something new every day and it’s already begun, yesterday was Thirty-Four that brings to mind two things, porn, and age. Speaking of forgetting things what about Rule 116 which states “Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move,” and I know you’re exhausted, hell I only handled the first two hours, but it’s your world now “step up or step aside” hmm maybe you did get enough sleep Will?

Porno, panic, and peeing shouldn’t be your only reasons to get up though, despite everything what about puppy, purpose, and power, the things you never forget though agony is trumping everything at the moment. There are at least four rules that mention pain, and that gets us back to porn because clearly, you’re not enjoying your share of hurt and the only way you do enjoy it is inflicting it on others for a mutual pleasure eventually. I guess you have to think with something at the moment considering the big head is still in a fog but what about the promises, yeah I’ll stop any minute now, but you have those Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, (Day 004 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, (Dog Food Acquired But No Bath Or Pills)
3. I Will Tell Off Anyone That Calls Me Out My Name
Completed (At Work)
4. I Will Make It To The Library Five Days Minimum
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
Completed
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”
Completed

Give myself a point for just being alive and everything else is 16.5 Points, yes I did the math and you know what I see, a sixty-seven, a D Will, and to think once upon a time I would be happy with a D, hell I am pleased with my D the thing is I know I fucked up. Every day propels us forward, didn’t I say I’d stop this but there is no rule against it, but there are rules about keeping it in your pants, being a good parent, wanting, demanding and promising to do better. As I said that’s how you know you fucked up, well I did, and it sucks that you always have to correct everything I’ve done but here’s to “doing” the right thing, don’t forget Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Take Shit From Anybody
4. I Will Make It To The Library And Starbucks
5. I Will Finish Reading The Art Of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”

Your schedule is all sorts of hectic, you feel like Hell, and your feet are always hurting but forget all about that, hard right, humor, okay I get it maybe I have a problem, but I need to think about anything other than thirty-four because, well you know. All the things that you wish would fade away; still not over “The Darkest Minds,” yeah like “Detroit: Become Human” and wanting to sleep but always such a Willingness To Forget Rules.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 032 ~Whip, Wickedness, And Will~

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So no rest for the wicked as the song goes and when it comes to the bedroom; there are plenty of reasons I only average about four hours a night, the will to succeed with dirty words like these. “Whip, Wickedness, And Will” to use them

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Episode 032 ~Whip, Wickedness, And Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to use them, this week, strangely enough, has been about tools and weapons and while I may use a belt to hold up my pants, I would hate the feeling of one on my behind. Then again I will admit I do have this thing about being spanked with a hand or having my ass squeezed by a girl when she’s giving me a blowjob; truthfully, I’m more of a breast man but I also like legs too and volleyball asses, thank you “The Miracle Season” ha.

I’ve been commenting on Twitter to Alice Little who works at The Moonlite Bunny Ranch, and she asked where do you like being touched, and besides the obvious, to me, it’s the hands, I’ve said I’m a traditionalist or just old, but “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” Now afterward I want to tie them up, preferably with lingerie or scarves, I need more experience with rope and putting someone in a collar with a chain… yeah, maybe knotting is the middle of the road, I tend to go from one extreme to the other. Dildos, is saying I’m Turning Japanese going too far; I say this for three reasons, one penetrating a girl everywhere, when did I get into tentacles, two I don’t share though gangbanging a girl is intriguing I’d sooner have two girls to myself or a harem and three she’ll need blindfolding.

I discussed weapons before “Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons” and a whip is that, though hurting people in violence is one thing, sexually well I am a sadist, guilty as charged Dirty Diana. Terms like Sadism, Ravishment, BDSM, my library is full of these studies, and at the same time, SSC and RACK are present as well because apparently, I care more about women than the current administration of this country and yet I’m the bad guy. In most scenes, I am The Bad Guy making some girls The Impossible Dream like another woman from The Moonlite Bunny Ranch I know.

I see that in my novel, there is already one gangbang scene, and sex with robots… talk about an expensive toy, Real Doll, now that would be something to hide along with any tools and the lingerie for one woman that didn’t happen. It could be that I’m broke and not only mentally, yeah otherwise I would be headed down Nevada way to be sure, my Whip, Wickedness, And Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 031 ~Won’t Willie Wile E~

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A dog’s purpose, if I couldn’t have my dog’s life, I’d probably want “Wile E. Coyote’s,” (minus Seth MacFarlane) because he doesn’t know how to give up, he keeps going, and I don’t like pink bunnies unless it’s “Kallen Stadtfeld.” Won’t Willie Wile E

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Episode 031 ~Won’t Willie Wile E~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give me one reason to, and I would say I don’t shop at ACME, but at the same time, I don’t need to as I can screw up all by myself. Indeed I’m still paying for screw-ups from the past. Yes, I know first and foremost you have to let the past go but aren’t I still learning while others seem to have retained the lesson and acted accordingly and I can’t blame them in all honesty.

Was it only yesterday I mentioned the pretty librarian who takes off running every time she sees me, honestly The Flash has nothing on her, then again me in any social situation, talk about moving. Two steps forward and a million lives back if you catch my meaning, let’s say that there is a reason I’m so exhausted this morning, I have a good two hours and what have I confessed honestly? Self-Sabotage it seems that I’m an expert at that and at least Wile E. Coyote has an excuse, shopping at “ACME,” he is trying to get something done, and productivity is something I greatly respect these days.

How about the fact that he believes in these seven words “don’t give up, don’t ever give up” maybe I should do harder, not try but do but again I think I’ve done enough last night, eleven days trashed easily. To be sure though it’s the minutes that I wasted or the years that I didn’t learn and I have nothing to show for it that I couldn’t clean out of my sheets, Wile E. Coyote only gives everything, blood, sweat, and tears and at least ACME makes money. If it isn’t sex, it’s money and how will I waste it these days and if it isn’t the movies it’s going to save the blog, when I would much instead buy a PS4 and surprise, surprise Detroit: Become Human; the time the Coyote seriously puts into work instead of dreaming.

Maybe I should make him my mascot if I was a sports guy or get a tattoo or something, talk about a need for speed because the ideas keep on coming Inspector Echo and I can’t catch up. So will you forgive me for not being a quick study, for not catching a pretty blonde I should have never begun chasing, again for my anxiety and self-sabotage, I’m sorry for my lack of work and self-control, my financial idiocy and yes my slowness and so I ask Won’t Willie Wile E.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 030 ~Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons~

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Love is worth the fight, and while I love my dog “like pancakes” it would be nice to have someone other than my “Fangs For Hire,” or my love for gaming to a certain degree, Cupid knows what he’s doing I assume. Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons, torture

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Episode 030 ~Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason, he would have to, as the song goes, the battle’s done, and we kinda won, emphasis on WE, as war has its winners and losers no doubt but what arms we have our wrapped around each other, hearts given to one another. This Love is worth fighting for, but yesterday I couldn’t help but notice the destruction that it leaves in its wake for there’s a reason we fall in love and keep falling again and again always.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Cupid and his bow; no, I would think love has a pistol with a silencer, a sniper rifle, hell something automatic, the NRA doesn’t seem to like laws, and neither does love, but there’s such a thing as responsibility. My feelings are like a rocket, and everybody is trying to outrun the blast and the fallout, there was a time I was a child with the button, and even now women run away, a pretty librarian I once crushed on took off running. You, My Love, your love is a disease, a virus, and don’t be mad I mean that as a compliment, I find my written declarations of love often come off as more warlike but when you got to me, I found the only cure was more of you my queen, My Goddess.

As if religion hasn’t caused enough wars, but somehow I found that I only wanted to believe in you and if loving you this much is blasphemy then I’m going to Hell, and yet I wonder if you feel the same. I know, torture isn’t it ‘Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions” and maybe Someday it won’t hurt because I can’t stand to hurt you… like this anyway. Perhaps they’ll be peace, you are that and so much more my love, and if the world could be only us, no let it be us and my first born and our second, third, maybe forth, there can never be enough love I think.

No wonder we send Cupid on his way when we can make our own as all’s fair in love and war as I’ve heard; love evolves, the word itself used as a weapon by so many but when spoken by you, it brings me to life, and such is forever. Love life *sigh* you never ran away from me, you fought for me, beside me, with me, my ally, the Katniss to my Peeta is there anything more powerful than us, Will Cupid Manufacture Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 029 ~A Sword Or Shovel, Decide~

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I suppose if my mouth is full of dirt I don’t have to make a more drastic decision but kings both require swords and shovels if no shields are available and don’t they say the pen is mightier but I’m digging my grave. “A Sword Or Shovel, Decide”

Monday, July 30, 2018

Episode 029 ~A Sword Or Shovel, Decide~

Forty-Third Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to, when they both do the same job, putting people in the ground; the metal is more or less the same and usually, those that wield them don’t have to care one way or the other Madam Justice. Indeed, sometimes those hands would be better off doing nothing, but in the end, we all have a choice to make and the fact that I’m still on my motivation kick what guides this decision, is it hope or fear, want or need, will this make me a better man or much worse.

“Those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain.” Eowyn

My “Father” is angry, he has been for as long as I can remember and he brags that I’m just like him, strangely enough, nobody knows I exist, probably because I was among his first victims. How many times am I reminded of Yoda’s words on fear and anger, my father uses rage to mask his fear, and I am much the same, and that fact alone is enough to tell me that I am on the wrong path. At the same time however it is always better to be the predator than the prey, I would choose my rage over fear, and here I am with a pen/keyboard so why would I even need a sword when my words are my Weapon of Choice.

“Chains have been forged into swords before now” Rameses, Yul Brynner The Ten Commandments 1956

Speaking of repeating myself, I have told you I will hurt myself before somebody else and I feel like the world is on my shoulders, and sometimes all you can do is stand, but I’m still falling into the muck and mire. I would like to believe in Karma meaning I’m only getting what I think I deserve or maybe that my enemies will do themselves in and all that I need to do is get digging *sigh* even in death I’m being drained of my precious Energy. How about this, if anything you know how I like getting dirty, sex and violence and while violence is far more acceptable This Is America after all I prefer sex, but people don’t dig that you know.

Today while unfortunate, I chose the sword because I don’t dig being laughed at, spit on, or cut down and at the same time I could always bury my head in the sand, make my name mud, and go all “Red Dawn” Wolverines. It’s unavoidable Madam Justice because you know what they say about idle hands; another reason I choose to write, the choice remains, A Sword Or Shovel, Decide.

“This is war. So rub some dirt on it and get your ass back in the fight.” Red Dawn 2012

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 028 ~Will Blank For Blank~

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I don’t beg, my knees if anything testify to that; do you hear that creak and crack that’s from working, and the thing is I know I need to do so much more of that if I’m ever going to get somewhere. Will Blank For Blank.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Episode 028 ~Will Blank For Blank~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason and I mean other than Detroit: Become Human, it’s been a minute since either of us has mentioned that and what are we doing to get it though, well your week is only just beginning. I can’t say I’ve done much sadly, will work for food and what not, I also fell back into sleeping most of the night and still waking up exhausted which makes me proud of you, though yeah, you got up to cook, getting yourself on track for this week.

It’s hard doing anything for yourself isn’t it, The Walking Dead has become your life literally between my playing the game last week and how you feel this morning, not truly living each moment but existing nevertheless. I lost all of “M Anime’s” messages, made promises to “Indiana Gone” for her impending nuptials, and when’s the last time I talked to “Cherry” you would think that I would have gotten some work done. What is it those motivational speeches keep saying, find your purpose, you must know and feel why, and you’ve found both by being where you are right now, and the dog under the table and yet those six impossible things eluded me:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed, (Day 008 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed, Bath
3. I Will Tell Off “Zibby” If She Calls Me Out My Name (Liberal Arts)
Failed (Have You Seen Her)
4. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
Failed
6. I Will Add 1,500 Words To “Apocalypse Rush” (54,000 Words)
Failed

Worse than 50% but we know what we can take off the list now only to replace them with harder goals, and while you think you have to get selfish I know you won’t do that because as Negan puts it, people are a resource. You know you were made to be a writer, you wouldn’t be sitting here otherwise, your little boy is counting on you, and why would you bother getting yourself pumped every day, driving to the library today? It’s hard trying not to sound like one of those speeches so okay what’s your purpose for this week, your six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Tell Off Anyone That Calls Me Out My Name
4. I Will Make It To The Library Five Days Minimum
5. I Will Post A Review For “Legacy of Succession” Anna Edwards
6. I Will Edit Three Chapters of “Apocalypse Rush”

We’re always on the cusp you know, I don’t want to scare you, but okay speech time, turn should do to must do, this is your Plan A and there honestly is no Plan B, well not until you get a girl, and that’s a whole other story entirely but someone worth considering always. You do this because you don’t want to be the one holding up a sign, no that’s for your fans, that’s for the people you might help someday, your two hands have a real gift, your brain can think of so much more than this my friend, Will Blank For Blank.

I Will Have No Fear